Disclaimer: Selection of Omake, don't expect too much from them. In other words, have low enough standards and you won't be disappointed.

Black Eye

Luna bounced into the library and collapsed bonelessly into a chair next to Hermione.

"Hello, how is your day going today, Hermione?" Luna asked.

"Fine I . . . what happened to your eye?" Hermione gasped. The other girl's left eye was swollen shut. "And why haven't you gone to Madame Pomfrey?"

"It turns out that Harry is a mean drunk and I wished to speak with you first," Luna chirped.

"He hit you?" Hermione growled.

"Of course not," Luna giggled. "I'd think that you off all people would know that Harry would never do such a thing."

"But you said . . . I . . ." Hermione trailed off. "Care to provide a bit of context?"

"Hmmm?" Luna dragged herself back to reality and fixed her working eye on her friend. "I decided to get Harry drunk and in his inebriated state, he though that it would be a splendid idea to kill Voldemort."

Hermione groaned. "Then what happened?"

"We went to Uncle Lucius' house and Harry was most put out to find that Voldemort was not in," Luna explained. "So put out that he decided to severely chastise the Death Eaters that were there."

"So you got hit by one of the Death Eaters?" Hermione ventured.

"A piece of one, yes," Luna agreed. "I think that it was a kneecap."

"Oh . . . Luna?"

"Yes, Hermione?"

"Why did you decide to get Harry drunk?"

"Because plans 'a' and 'b' did not work as I wished them to," Luna replied. "Why else would I get Harry drunk?"

"What was the purpose of your plan to get Harry drunk?"

"Seduction of course. Why else would I wish to get Harry drunk?"

"You're trying to seduce Harry? Of course, it all makes so much sense now," Hermione sighed.

"I know," Luna agreed.

"I . . . wait, you said you wanted to speak with me about something?"

"Since plan 'c' did not work, I've decided to move on," Luna explained.

"What's your next plan?" Hermione braced herself for the worst.

"Plan 'd' of course."

"Of course." Hermione closed her eyes. "What does plan 'd' entail?"

"Plan 'd' is for you and me," Luna replied. "After all, no man can resist two women."

AN: A bit predictable but I needed an easy brake from my thesis. Polish by dogbertcarroll.

Omake: It's in the Numbers

Luna bounced into the library and collapsed bonelessly into a chair next to Hermione. It only took five minutes of staring before the other girl broke.

"What do you want, Luna?" Hermione asked.

"Your aid in a project I'm working on," Luna chirped.

"What project is that?"

"Seducing Harry, of course," Luna replied. "So will you help?"

"Why do you need my help? Why can't you just do it yourself?"

"Because my value isn't high enough," Luna replied. "No girl's is."

"What?" Hermione squawked. "Explain, now!"

"The other Ravenclaw girls got together to assign values to all the boys in the upper years," Luna replied. "Harry scored the highest."

"So?"

"So the boys did the same thing," Luna explained. "With you, we rate high enough to have a chance with Harry and he's really the only available boy in Hogwarts that I'd consider."

"What about . . ."

"Neville has been claimed by Hannah Abbot and I am not willing to go against the Puffs." Luna raised a finger. "Ronald informed me that he was a homosexual when I asked him, Justin . . ."

"Wait, Ron's gay?" Hermione squeaked.

"That's what he said when I breached the subject of starting a relationship with him," Luna agreed.

"Oh . . ." Hermione blinked. "Glad he decided to come out of the closet."

"And then he went right back into the closet to rejoin Lavender," Luna agreed. "How did you know where I found him?"

"I . . . who else did you consider?"

"Justin, who is has also been marked as Puff Property. All the other boys are either Ravenclaws, which I am not going to consider, Taken, or Malfoy."

"I suppose." Hermione sighed. "Why can't you just try on your own, Luna?"

"Because I've looked over the other girl's work and I can't find any mistakes," Luna replied, brandishing a parchment.

"Let me see that," Hermione demanded. "Hmmm . . . carry the two . . . okay, I'm in."

"Just like that?" Luna asked in shock.

"I can't find any errors either," Hermione admitted.

"Wonderful, I'll go tell the others," Luna cheered.

"Others?"

"The Patil twins are in so we only needed fifteen other girls," Luna agreed.

AN: More mindlessness, using my precious brain juice on real work and this for relaxation.

Addition by: remiheikawa

Harry looked at the delusional girls and opened his moth to dissuade them from this notion that he was worth nineteen of them. Except his vocal cords refused to work. He blinked. Tried to speak again and then coughed as he considered the logic of his planned statement.

He looked at the girls, took the parchment out of Hermione's hand looked at it. Took a deep breath looked Hermione in the eye and took his life into his own hands.

"Only a fool would argue against your maths Hermione."

And somewhere, somehow, a Large dog animagus got the urge to cheer.

Omake: Harem

"Oh god it's great to have a bit of time with the guys," Harry groaned.

"Hey, Harry," Ron said, trying not to glare at his best friend.

"You blokes have no idea how hard it is to have a harem," Harry grumbled.

"No," Dean agreed with a frown. "No we don't."

"Most of us don't even know what it's like to have a girlfriend because they're all in your bloody harem," Seamus added harshly.

"You don't know how much I wish I could trade places with you," Harry commented as he took a sip from his glass. "Sure, a twelve girl orgy is fun the first couple times, but every night?" Harry sighed. "And then there's all the times you get stopped for sex during the day, wears a bloke out it does."

Seamus had leapt off his seat, hands out stretched intent on throttling the boy who had a harem. It was only the timely intervention of Ron and Dean that saved Harry's life.

"That's . . . horrible . . . Harry . . ." Seamus said through clenched teeth as he returned to his seat.

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "Pity we can't trade places with you."

"There's always polyjuice," Ron joked.

"You'd do that for me?" Harry asked hopefully, brushing a tear off his cheek.

"Not a man here that wouldn't in a heartbeat!" Dean agreed.

"I just . . . thanks guys, I . . . I don't know what to say," Harry sobbed. "Just that you're better friends to me than I am to you, no way I'd risk my bits like that. I . . . thank you."

"No problem, Harry, now where are we gonna get polyjuice this time of night?" Seamus said quickly.

"What do you mean, risk your bits?" Ron demanded.

"Well, Hermione said she's developed a ward that will cause extreme testicular compression to any male trying to pass themselves off as me using polyjuice or other disguise magic," Harry explained. "But I'm sure she was just joking."

"Why in the hell would she do something like that?" Dean asked, horrified that such a ward could exist.

"Some of the girls were worried about Malfoy sneaking in disguised as me," Harry explained. "Which is stupid when you think about it since every time Malfoy's tried to sneak into the harem he was polyjuiced into one of the girls." Harry shuddered. "One time, I almost found out too late."

"We'll work on a way around the ward, Harry, then you can have a bit of time off," Seamus assued his classmate. "In the mean time, can we have a few hairs to help us research?"

"Sure," Harry agreed. "Take yarghhhh." He bit off a scream as Seamus ripped out a chunk of his scalp.

"Thanks, Harry."

"No problem, Seamus," Harry rubbed his new bald spot. "I . . . damn."

"What is it?" Ron asked.

"Time for the evening orgy," Harry sighed, shoulders drooping and looking the very picture of dejection. "See you guys later."

"Bye, Harry," Ron called.

Dean waited until he was sure the golden boy was gone before rounding on Seamus to demand some answers. "Just what in the bloody hell are you thinking?"

"Harry said that Malfoy is polyjuicing himself into a girl and trying to shag him, right?" Seamus asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"So any port in a storm," Seamus replied, brandishing his fist full of hair. "Anyone know where I can get some polyjuice this time of night . . . or where I can find Malfoy?"

AN: Played with the polyjuice in the past, never did get around to writing my fic on why having a harem would potentially be hell on earth.

Omake: Mythic Myth Stompers

The wireless crackled and sputtered for a few seconds before Harry managed to get it tuned.

"Luna Lovegood and Hermione Granger," the announcer began. "Two of the most brilliant witches to come out of Hogwarts. They don't just tell the myths, they stomp them into jelly."

"Welcome to an exciting episode of Mythic Myth Stompers," Hermione greeted the audience.

"Today, we're going to be answering some viewer mail," Luna bubbled.

"First letter from a Dee Malfee?" Hermione said uncertainly. "Someone with horrible handwriting. They ask, just how well endowed is Harry Potter?"

"If you remember our myth, is Harry Potter too much for one woman, you'd know the answer was very," Luna replied. "Next letter from a H. Gunderson. They write asking why all our myths revolve around having sex with Harry Potter."

"Simple answer, they don't," Hermione said.

"They don't?" Luna asked in shock.

"You remember our mythical creature episode, don't you, Luna?"

"Didn't we test the myth that having sex in a forest keeps away unicorns by having sex with Harry in a forest?"

"Yes, but that wasn't the main focus of the myth so one can't say that the myth revolved around it," Hermione explained.

"Right you are, Hermione," Luna agreed.

"Next question from a Ron W . . . something, nother one with bad handwriting. He asks, why do you two only have sex with Harry? Why can't you have sex with me for a change?"

"The answer is, we don't just have sex with Harry."

"Right you are, Luna. We also have sex with each other. As to the second half of your question." Hermione's voice hardened. "Maybe if you'd showered and been less of a git when we were at Hogwarts, you bloody git."

"Next question is from Harry," Luna squealed. "He's wondering when we're going to revisit the myth that Harry Potter is too much for one woman."

"Well, Luna, we've already tested that myth ten times in the last week. So I'm thinking . . ."

"Right now?" Luna asked hopefully.

"Right now," Hermione agreed. "Sorry to cut the episode short, but we've got myths to smash."

"Less talking, more stripping!"

AN: Not sure where this came from, not sure I want to know.