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Great Witch

Part II odd ideas #110 'The Great Escape'

Tropical Paradise

"Good news, boss!" the Auror cheered as he barged into the woman's office. "Just got back the Potter report from the coroner."

"What's bloody good about it?" Amelia demanded.

"For one thing, it's not Potter," the Auror said with a grin. "For another, I can now tell you where Auror Hays is, and for a third . . ." he paused for dramatic effect.

"On with it!" Amelia barked.

"Hays died of blunt force trauma consistent with falling. It's looking like he got more than he bargained for when he tried to jump Potter. Either the boy fought back or he had some help, Hays fell and suffered a fatal hit to the head, and parties unknown fed him some polyjuice to make him look like Potter."

"Wonderful," Amelia giggled. "Even if we do catch the boy or his accomplices, they'll walk on what happened to Hays. Clearest cut case of self defense I ever saw."

"Clearest case of self defense anyone in the office ever saw," the Auror agreed with a grin. "We've also got indications that Hays made the noose. Most we could get anyone on, assuming we wanted to, was desecration of a corpse."

"That's not something we want to do," Amelia said quickly.

"Afraid we couldn't even if we wanted to, boss, coroner made a mistake when he was recording the data. Evidence is no good."

"Remind me to reprimand him later," Amelia laughed.

"Pretty sure his reprimand of choice is a bottle Bushmills," the Auror replied.

"Thanks. Any other good news for me?"

"We found an international portkey trace to Brazil, no extradition and the local authorities are refusing to cooperate. I sent them a strongly worded protest in your name."

"They like Bushmills too, do they?"

"Along with a couple cases of Guinness," the Auror agreed. "They sent back a very nice thank you note."

"Have you informed Auror Tonks?" Amelia asked.

"I had her deliver the protest, I also took the liberty of placing her on an indefinite suspension for her assault on our prisoner."

"Paid and starting the moment she set foot on Brazilian territory?" Amelia asked dryly.

"The moment she delivered our protest, boss," the Auror agreed. "Speaking of the assault . . ."

"Yes?" she prompted.

"Some of the boys might have let slip to Snape that we were thinking of charging her and that due to overcrowding, the only available cell for her was his. He suddenly got very cooperative."

"How surprising," Amelia said. "Remind me to give everyone involved a raise."

"I will, boss."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry was relaxing on a beach, admiring the view when the world seemed to spin and he found his face planted in a shapely bosom. Two powerful arms wrapped around his torso and tightened to the point below they'd choke the life out of him.

"Do you know how worried I was about you?"

The arms relaxed and Harry found himself staring into the annoyed eyes of his favorite pink haired Auror.

"Uh . . ."

"I'm so glad to see you alive, Harry," Tonks said with a wide grin before tightening her arms and pulling him close again.

AN: People asked for it, here it is. Either I forgot to post this or I couldn't find it when I checked 'Odd Ideas.' In any case, oops.

Typos by: Clell Harmon, Eileen, Randy Stapley, Tommy King, Wolf T.

Unrelated Omake: The Witch of Betrayal

Harry carefully inspected each item before stowing them in his bottomless pack. It took hours; libraries of books, almost uncountable numbers of odd things, mountains of hand written notes. Nearly the entirety of the Department of Mysteries' inventory in return for chance to examine two of the three Hallows.

"I trust everything is satisfactory?" Hermione asked calmly.

"So far," Harry agreed. "There remains the issue of the gold."

The woman nodded to one of her underlings who handed over another sheet of parchment. "A draft for the amount payable by Gringotts."

"The deal was for hard currency," Harry stated, ignoring the man's outstretched hand and the paper in it.

"We thought this would be more convenient for you," Hermione said quickly.

"If I had wanted a draft, I would have asked for one. You have one hour to get me what was agreed on or I walk and invoke the contract's penalty clause."

"Harry, be reasonable."

"Reasonable is doing what was agreed upon beforehand," he replied calmly. "Fifty eight minutes."

"Go," the woman ordered. "And hurry." She turned back to Harry. "Is there anything I can offer to bargain for more time?"

"You have a lovely arch which I'd like to add to my collection." Harry scratched his chin. "And I have you over a barrel."

"Deal."

"You have as much time as it takes me to pack it up," Harry conceded. "Shall we be off to get it then?"

"I trust you remember the way," she sighed.

Thanks to the extra time, the courier arrived with Harry's gold with two minutes to spare.

"It all seems to be here," Harry allowed after counting and stowing the gold in his bottomless stack. "As promised; the death stick and the resurrection stone." He handed the two items to Hermione who handed them off to an underling. "I'll be back for them in six months, as agreed."

"No chance we can convince you to let us examine the cloak too?"

"It holds too much value to me as something that belonged to my father and my forefathers before him to risk it," Harry said apologetically. "It was a pleasure doing business with you, Hermione."

"The pleasure was mine, Harry," the girl said as several Unspeakables burst into the room, wands drawn. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry it had to end like this."

"You didn't really think we'd let you leave with all that or give up the chance to add your cloak to our collection, did you?"

"It'd be best if you didn't try to put up a fight, Harry," Hermione said softly as she stepped out of reach. "Just give up and you'll wake up in a muggle hotel in three weeks with no memory of what happened and enough money to start a comfortable life in the muggle world. Resist and you'll wake up somewhere a bit less pleasant."

Harry's eyes were filled with mirth as he shook his head. "I have to admit, Hermione, I wasn't sure you'd go through with it until you actually did it. Bravo, it was a masterful performance."

"Don't make this more difficult for me than it already is, Harry," the woman said softly. The Unspeakables around her shifted nervously. Despite the rumors whispered about them, they were all more researchers than warriors and none relished the idea of taking on the slayer of Voldemort even if the man was without a wand.

"There are two things you need to understand before we go on," Harry said calmly.

"And those are," she couldn't keep the quiver from her voice. This was not how things were supposed to be going, this is not what her superiors had sad was going to happen.

"The living have no secrets from the dead and the dead have no secrets from me," Harry said calmly. "Even without that, do you really think that I'd be dim enough to do a deal with the witch of betrayal without taking some precautions? Reputations can cut both ways, Hermione, I thought you knew that."

"What did you just call me?" the suddenly pale woman asked.

"Your parents, your husband, and now me." Harry grinned. "I thought it an appropriate enough title."

"You know about . . . the second," the now trembling woman asked, bracing herself for the worst.

"Your superiors wanted a chance to study me, to see how my body's been altered by possession of all three hallows did they not?"

"We noticed you hadn't been aging," she allowed.

"They were correct that I got more than just a silly title," he agreed. The man raised his hand to eye level and snapped his fingers. Every Unspeakable in the room save one fell like puppets with their strings cut. "The second?"

"You don't need a wand anymore?" she whispered.

"I do not," he agreed. "Even if I had, do you really think that you could guarantee I'd be disarmed by having the front desk demand I leave one with them?" He chuckled. "As if having two meant I couldn't have three."

"What happens now?" This time she managed to keep her voice from cracking.

"Now? Now I congratulate you for your promotion. I knew you could do it, Hermione, youngest Director of the Department of Mysteries in history. Your parents would be proud if they could remember who you were. Sad that it's so much more difficult to reverse a personality wipe than to do it in the first place, but that's life I suppose."

"Promotion?" she echoed weakly.

"I don't know that they'll confirm it, but the sudden deaths of everyone in line above you rather makes the whole thing automatic, don't you think?"

"Everyone?"

"I'd like to assure you that it had nothing to do with your personal life. Wether you stray or with whom you choose to stray is no business of mine. He died because he was rather deeply involved with my planned vivisection. You lived partly due to sentimentality and partly due to the fact that you really believed they'd have let me go with a new set of memories at some point in the future."

"What?"

"Are you finding it hard to believe that they'd be willing to commit the crimes of kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, torture, and theft but stop short of murder?" He clicked his tongue. "Really, Hermione, you're going to have to grow up some time."

"So what happens now?"

"Now?" Harry's smile deepened and the woman suddenly found she couldn't move. "Now you spend the next two hours contemplating your sins while I gather up any items I may wish to add to my collection from the remainder of your inventory. I wish you the best in the future, Hermione, I really do. Understand that I don't take any of this personally, I of all people understand how hard it is to fight one's nature. Happily though, for me, I showed better sense than the poor frog in the story. Goodbye."

AN: The title popped into my head and this came out. Couldn't think of what I'd do with this so I'm throwing it into the world.

Omake for my Omake

"How'd things go?" Ron asked after she got home that night.

"Bout how we expected it would," Hermione replied as she hung up her coat. "Only."

"Yeah?"

"Did you talk Harry into telling the world how I betrayed you too?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He said that?" Ron said in delight, ignoring the question. "Good on 'im."

"He implied it was because of my boss . . . former boss's offer to become his lunch time entertainment in exchange for setting Harry up."

"You can be my evening entertainment in exchange for renouncing your earlier betrayal of me and promising not to do it again," Ron offered with a lecherous grin.

"Cheering for my sister in law in a game against the Cannons is not a betrayal."

"Marry me, marry my team," Ron said stubbornly. "What you did is no different from cheating on me with Ginny."

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll send Ginny a note asking if she wants to spend a romantic weekend together before her next game against the Cannons and cheer for them if she says yes."

"That's all I'm asking," Ron sniffed. "As a bonus, it'll let you tell the next pureblood idiot who wants you to become his mistress that you can't because you're already the mistress of a famous Quidditch star."

"A benefit I didn't consider," she said thoughtfully. The woman shot her husband a wicked grin. "How bout you become my entertainment this evening and we'll forget the whole thing?" she counter offered.

AN: Posted on my group and a couple commenters suggested that there may be more to the story. Above scene popped into my head and amused me.