Disclaimer: Write what the mood wants when the mood strikes.
Part 03 of 'Dungeons and Drow' Odd Ideas #133 and 135
Like Shoving a Rabid Badger Down Your Pants
(It's More Fun Than it Sounds)
Omake: Peace in our time
Life in the army wasn't all bad, Harry reflected to himself. The food was better and more plentiful than he'd had on the streets, you had plenty of opportunity to supplement your income by stripping corpses after every battle, and most importantly you got access to spells the guild would never have dreamed of sharing with an apprentice of his background and means. All you had to do was show up at the right time, figure out a half-assed justification, and they'd just give it to you. All in all, the war was doing wonders for his scholarship and that left aside the spell books he'd acquired from those that no longer needed them. It was almost a pity when the armistice was signed.
Everyone knew the peace wouldn't last more than a handful of decades at most, it never did, seemed like every generation needed to get its own licks in against the hated foreign devils. But that was something for the future to resolve.
Twenty nine apprentice wizards had accompanied Harry to the front lines, none had returned at his side. Either death or good sense preventing their return to the academy. Which was why Harry was alone when he found himself back at the academy and facing the idiots that had gotten him conscripted in the first place.
The guild master had held his position many times longer than Harry had been alive and was considered to be at the pinnacle of his craft by those who ignored the fact that gold had bought his position and that expanding his craft had been set aside in favor of expanding his political power.
One word from the man would have had Harry clapped into irons and another would have summoned the headsman. A hundred men-at-arms followed his every command. Such a pity that the ones at hand weren't in sufficient numbers to prevent what happened, such a pity that the guild master had been dim enough to think that a few journeymen would be sufficient to cow the sole returnee. He was wrong.
Harry's first spell isolated the room from the outside. They'd used it to take out sentries until the other side had learned to detect it so well that it had become a hindrance rather than a help. Harry had trusted that none of the perfumed princes had cared enough about the war to learn it or how to deal with it. He was right.
Harry gathered his power as the guild master continued his lecture. The first five words out of the idiot's mouth had been enough to convince him that returning had been a mistake, the next five determined who's mistake it had been. The boy's second spell opened a place at the top for the number two at the guild and his next three insured that his exit would be unopposed.
Ten minute later with pockets filled with stolen gold and a pack full of stolen items, Harry left the city that contained his former guild and reentered the wider world.
Omake: Continuing 'When Harry met Min'
The servants returned dropping the girl and the sword at Harry's feet.
"She likes to be called Min," the Drow said as he snatched up the sword. "I wouldn't suggest staying in this section of the Underdark, the new Matron will not be happy if she hears that a human possesses her prey." The sooner the adventurers disappeared with his sister, the safer it would be.
"Noted," Harry replied. He waited until the Drow had retreated to his keep before slinging the girl over his shoulder to rejoin his group.
"Well?" one of the fighters demanded.
"Got a couple leads and a new pet," Harry replied, slapping his new 'pet' on the rump. "Also a bit of potentially life saving information."
"What is it?" one of the others asked.
"The local Drow are undergoing a bit of political change, might be a good idea to move on if we don't want to get caught up in it," he replied.
Most of the others nodded at that tidbit of wisdom
Omake: Harry the Crazy
"What can you tell us about Harry the Lucky?" Dumbledore asked the attendant as the awaited their meeting with the high priest.
"He's insane," the acolyte replied. "You've heard about that Drow of his?"
"We have," Dumbledore agreed, putting a tick mark next to his mental note to find out what the hell a 'Drow' was.
"I don't care how beautiful, I'd never keep one as a pet, let alone sleep with it." The Acolyte shuddered. Be like putting your privates in a meat grinder, guaranteed to end up being something you'd regret no matter how pretty the meat grinder.
Omake: A Helping Hand
"Ah, Harry." Dumbledore rose to his feet as the man in a boy's body entered his office accompanied by his ever present shadow. "Thank you for agreeing to see me with such short notice."
"Minerva told me you had a job offer for me?"
"Yes. One I'm afraid I should have tendered earlier. You see, Harry, when one gets to be my age, one gets rather set in ones ways. I'd assigned you to a mental box marked child and that's where you remained despite my knowledge of what you truly were."
"And?"
"And that was a mistake," Dumbledore admitted. "I'd have asked to see you about this matter earlier but it took Minerva much longer to overcome my stubbornness than I'd have cared for."
"Regarding what matter?"
"Oh . . . of course. You're no doubt aware that We're guarding something in this school, I was rather hoping you'd be willing to add a couple protections."
"Perhaps," Harry allowed. "What's in it for me?"
"Access to my private library and at least one two hour consultation with the foremost alchemist of our time," Dumbledore offered.
Omake: Favors
"What can I do for you, Cousin Lucius?" Harry asked, waving for Min to serve drinks.
"I was hoping I could ask you for a favor," Lucius replied.
"You can always ask," Harry replied, taking a sip of the wine his servant had just delivered.
"I find myself in a quandary. Before his disappearance, my former master left an item in my care with strict instructions that I should see it placed in the possession of a Hogwarts student a given amount of time after his disappearance."
"That amount of time has passed."
"It has. I suspect this item is meant to resurrect my former master. Something I'd rather avoid if possible."
"You haven't destroyed the item because you believe he left orders for others to keep watch on you."
"I don't know," Lucius confessed. "It is the sort of thing he'd do, he never trusted any of his followers. Everyone was always looking for things they could inform on others for to curry favor."
"And too afraid not to pass on any news they came across because it may have been a loyalty test," Harry finished. "I've experienced similar environments."
"My initial plan was to find a way to get it into the possession of one of the younger members of the Weasley family. Chances are they'd report it to their father who'd have it dealt with. If not, well, at least no one important was harmed."
"You wish for me to take possession."
"You fit the perimeters I was given. A pureblood from a so called blood traitor family in one of the first three years."
"Pureblood?" Harry took another sip. "You are mistaken cousin, my mother was from a non-magical family."
"I sponsored a bill to have her made a pureblood shortly after purchasing my freedom," the head of the Malfoy family explained. "It helped restore some of my public image. It pleased Dumbledore's camp to have what they saw as a reward bestowed on a muggleborn. It helped the soft bigots live with the fact that a muggleborn was instrumental in the defeat of the man they feared above all others and did the same for my former colleges. Less shame to have our lord defeated by a pureblood than a muggleborn or halfblood."
"I see." Harry nodded his head. "Min, fetch one of the . . . pardon me, cousin Lucius, but how large is the item?"
In response, the man placed a leather bound book on the table between them.
"As I was saying, Min, fetch a one of the blessed steel chests I use to store cursed items large enough to hold that book."
"At once, master."
Omake: Power
Harry was in his office when Min presented her new pet before quietly withdrawing to leave the two alone.
"Have a seat," Harry said softly. "Min asked me to have a few words with you." So had Minerva.
"She said that you could educate me about power, sir," Hermione said curiously. Knowing that anyone her teacher called master was to be treated with the utmost respect.
"Why don't you tell me what you think power is?" Harry prompted.
"The ability to make people leave you alone, sir," Hermione said promptly. "Or to make them do what you want them to."
"That's some of it," Harry agreed. "A very small part of it, to be honest."
"But, Min said . . ." Hermione trailed off.
"Min is handicapped by her upbringing which means she can only see a small part of the big picture," Harry said. "Or more accurately that she sees a different picture altogether which only shares some similarity to the one I see." Which in turn was different from most everyone elses'.
"What do you mean, sir?" Hermione bit her lower lip, trying to understand what she was being taught, knowing that it was important and frustrated that it was so difficult to grasp.
"She comes from a very unpleasant race, but she's an exceptionally soft representative of it." Harry gave the girl a cold smile. "Had she been more like any one of her sisters, your life would consist of pain, fear, and death." Had she been more like any of her sisters, he would not have kept her so long.
With a wink, he continued. "But we're straying from the subject you came to learn. Society is power, millions of people banding together, cooperating to accomplish common goals and to achieve common security. The power I hold." A ball of fire appeared in the palm of his hand. "Is nothing in comparison."
Omake by walkabouttiger
"Stupidity is power. Millions of idiots banding together; cooperating to assuage their need for instantaneous gratification. In some very rare instances, this is for the overall good of all. Generally, it's a complete waste of lives and resources." Harry gestured to the pair of keys next to a pair of red levers. "Join me here for a moment," he said, a small smile on his lips.
Hermione followed him over to the console.
"When I count to three, turn your key to the right," he said. She nodded at him. "One. Two. Three. Turn your key to the right."
Hermione turned the key to the right just as Harry turned his key to the left.
"Now lift the red cover on the flashing red button and press your button on a count of three," Harry said, counting from one to three again.
On three, Hermione pressed her button. She was frightened for a moment as the entire room, which she knew to be part of a large, subterranean complex, shook and vibrated, causing a thin layer of dust to fill the air.
"What happened?" she ask, her voice quivering slightly in fright.
"Nothing really important. We're just dealing a blow to a large number of stupid people," Harry said with a slightly insane look on his face.
Fifteen minutes later, the heavily-warded island housing the remains of Min's drow enemies disappeared in a sun-bright fireball.