Disclaimer: Thought I'd already posted this. Guess not.
Fudge's Dream Home
Part 02 of 'Fearful Redux' – Odd Ideas #162
"Any ideas on what to do now?" Harry asked after they'd left Hogwarts, ducked back into the muggle world, and he'd had time to contemplate their situation. He stole a fry off Luna's plate while she took a sip of her soda.
"There's a lovely house, overlooking an adorable lake, not far from where your counterpart lives," Luna stated, sneaking a fishstick off his plate.
"So?" he asked, poking at her salad with his fork and claiming a tomato.
"So I was thinking that we might put a Fidelius on it so we had a place to stay while we contemplate our next move," Luna replied.
"What about the owners?" he asked curiously, catching the amusement hidden in her tone.
"Fudge," Luna said with a grin, "who happens to be just as big a bastard here as he was in our world."
"I withdraw my previous objection," Harry said pompously and was more than pleased by the amused giggle it elicited.
It didn't take long for them to find the place, a lovely little, hundred room, seven story model, designed to resemble the roman villas that had dotted the country around two millennia previously. It was perfect, if a bit large, for their needs, and the two dozen elves kept it nice and clean. It had plenty of space to store their new possessions and enough space in the courtyard to hold impromptu broom races.
Thanks largely to what had formerly been the Headmaster's private library, they were quickly able to secure their new house and quickly set about planning their next move.
"To start with," Luna began, "I think it best that you take this." She pulled the wand she'd conned off the local Dumbledore and presented it to him hilt first.
"You keep it," Harry suggested.
"I really do believe it best that you take possession," Luna persisted. "I was not engaging in hyperbole when I mentioned your level of power as compared to the average witch or wizard and that wielding this wand in addition would insure victory in quite a few situations."
"I've already got the one from back home," Harry admitted with a grin, happy to be a step ahead of her for once.
Luna's head tilted to a rather odd angle as she contemplated what she'd just been told. "Should I assume that you also have possession of the other two items?" she asked hopefully.
"Yes," he replied simply.
"Hmmm?" she questioned, the expression on the girl's face implying that she'd just figured out something profound.
"Hmmm?" he prompted.
"I suppose that explains why we were summoned by the Rite of AshkEnte and where the cloaks came from," Luna said thoughtfully.
"The right of what?" he asked curiously.
"Rite of AshkEnte," she corrected. "It's a ritual used to summon Death," she explained.
"Oh." He wasn't sure what to think of that, the concept of Death as an individual still a foreign concept to the muggle raised wizard.
"One of my ancestors was fond of using it every time she wanted a good game of chess," Luna explained. "Her diaries state that the only problem with playing with him is that enchanted pieces get even more uncooperative than is usually the case."
"Ah." Harry licked his lips. "So what's he look like?"
"Yes," Luna replied, with a smile.
"What?" he asked confused.
"What do you think he looks like?" Luna replied. "Or she or it I suppose. That's what death looks like."
"Uh . . ." He tilted his head and tried to work out what she meant.
"It's all about what you expect to see, that's what you'll see," Luna explained. "At least that is the impression I have from reading the diaries of my ancestors that have had dealings with him."
"I think I understand. So what do you want to do now?"
"If you do not mind, I would like to retrieve the stone and then get a bit more information about this world than can be had in an old copy of the Daily Prophet." She pulled a copy of the paper out of her pocket.
"When did you get that?" he asked curiously.
"On our way out of the castle," Luna said. "There was a story on page four about the Minister's new home."
"How'd you learn he was a big enough bastard to take it from?" he questioned.
"Front page story is all about how your counterpart has been forced into the Triwizard tournament. It included a statement by the Minister complimenting your counterpart on the ingenuity needed to get past the age line along with a firm request to stop saying that someone else was responsible for her selection. What it did not state was that the tournament was being canceled or that the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was increasing security at Hogwarts or even some platitude about how the Ministry was going to get to the bottom of things."
"Her?"
"Olivia Black-Potter-Longbottom-Lupin-Pettigrew," Luna said calmly, "whom I believe is your counterpart in this world."
"I . . . Black-Potter-what?" Harry stared at her.
"She was apparently conceived of at one of those events in which one trades one's spouse to another," Luna said earnestly. "There was so much trading going on that there was some doubt as to her paternity."
"I . . . what?" Harry's eyes bulged. "You're joking."
"I am," Luna agreed. "I will admit to feeling a bit guilty at taking advantage of the situation to provide myself with a bit of cheap entertainment. Though not guilty enough to agree not to do similar in the future."
He chuckled and shook his head. "So how are we going to get her-" Harry froze as a thought occurred to him.
"Yes?" she asked.
"I just realized we don't have to," Harry said in a tone of wonder.
"We do not have to do what?" she asked curiously.
"Help her or anyone else," Harry said, sounding as if he were sharing the meaning of life the universe and everything. "We're free."
"We are," Luna agreed. "We are free to help her if we wish to and free to ignore her plight if we deem that a more prudent course of action. We are free to do whatever we wish, even cause loads of trouble, loot places to the bedrock and leave, we can always go to a new dimension after all."
"Whatever we want," Harry murmured, looking like he was about to go into shock.
"This world is our playground if we wish it to be," Luna agreed. "Now then. We've had a busy day and we likely have another one tomorrow so I think it's best if we both got to bed."
"Alright. I . . ." he trailed off when Luna took his hand. "Am not sure I'm ready for that."
"Neither of us should be alone right now," she said matter of factly. "We'll both be wearing pajamas and we won't do more than cuddle."
"Okay," he said in relief. He blushed bright red when a thought occurred to him. "Um."
Luna sighed, easily reading his expression. "A certain amount of accidental or even purposeful hand wandering is both acceptable and expected. I have already made my intentions for you quite clear, Harry, along with the fact that I am waiting to act on them until we are both emotionally ready."
"Luna," Harry said seriously, dropping to one knee, "will you be my girlfriend when I have a clear enough head?"
"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" She giggled. "Come on, let's go find the master bedroom."
"Hopefully it has a lot of space," Harry mumbled.
"Hmm?"
"Gin-" He took a deep breath. "Ginny was fond of sprawling out as much as she could and she was also a restless sleeper."
"I see," Luna said with a frown.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"It's normally considered bad form to discuss a past relationship with a potential relationship, but it's understandable in this case. As I said, I shall be here when you are ready to open up again," she promised.
"Thank you, Luna. I . . . thank you."
She squeezed his hand in response. "Should I assume, based on the fact that you have collected all three of the Hallows, that you know the location of the stone?"
"I know where it was in our original dimension," Harry replied.
"Shall we see if it's still there before going to Hogwarts to collect the third?"
IIIIIIIIII
The Minister was disheveled when Amelia arrived at his office for their daily meeting. The man's face was dirty and unshaven, his clothes rumpled, and the odor of stale sweat hung around him like smug around a Malfoy. It was a mystery to be sure, something which, despite the fact that she was generally duty bound to get to the bottom of, she had no intention of looking into. If nothing else, years on the job had taught her that some things were best left unknown.
"Are you ready to hear the daily brief, Minister?" she said neutrally, hoping against everything she held dear that the man didn't choose to unburden himself to her.
"Bugger the report! Aren't you going to ask why I'm in this state?" he demanded shrilly.
"I wouldn't wish to be perceived as someone who would poke their nose into the Minister's private business, sir," she replied.
"Oh." He gave a sensible nod. "Quite. I'd normally applaud such a sensible attitude, but not today."
"Sir?" 'Damn it!' she mentally cursed, while keeping her face neutral.
"Someone has stolen my house!" The Minister's fist came down on his desk with such force that it was only the large stack of perpetually half done paperwork that had cluttered his desk since he'd ascended to his current position that saved it from injury.
"Stolen your house?" she repeated. "Sir," she quickly added, only belatedly remembering to add the honorific.
"That can be the only explanation. I was to move into it yesterday and now I can't even remember where the blasted thing is. All of my things have already been moved into it and the new owners have already taken possession of my old one, so I had to spend the night here," he explained.
"Is there some reason you chose not to take a room at the Cauldron . . . sir?" She permitted herself a brief fantasy of herself in the role of Cromwell to his king, while waiting for him to form his reply.
"In the Cauldron? Like . . . like I wasn't even the Minister? No, Amelia, that would be quite impossible. The common sort might start putting on airs if they saw me acting like one of them outside of a carefully staged photo op." He gave a small chuckle at the ridiculousness of the idea.
"Of course, sir. I apologize for my lack of political acumen," she replied blandly.
"Not your fault, Amelia, you did come up through the Department after all. Handicaps you in these matters, as compared to those of us who were appointed to a higher position from the start," he said reasonably.
"As you say, sir. We can't all be fortunate enough to have an uncle on the Wizengamot to get us a job or smooth the way for us." It was an effort not to roll her eyes.
"Quite right, Amelia," Fudge agreed cheerfully. "Don't think I don't realize how fortunate I was not to have to make my way alone or that I don't appreciate just how remarkable your own ascendance was."
"As you say, sir."
"What were we talking about again?" he asked.
"The matter of your missing house." She sighed. "Sir."
"That's right." His expression darkened. "Who do you think did it? Let me warn you that they've done a devil of a job hiding their tracks, I can't even find the mention of it that was supposed have been in yesterday's paper."
Unnoticed by the Minister, the Director of Magical Law Enforcement's gaze sharpened as an idea formed.
"Perhaps we should explore the idea that your memories have been tampered with, sir," the Director said slowly.
"What do you mean, Amelia?" he asked curiously.
"You say that you had this house specially made, sir?" she reminded him.
"To my exact specifications," Fudge agreed.
"It's possible that it was never built and that the whole thing was a ruse to empty your accounts with a series of fraudulent charges," the Head of Magical Law Enforcement said, trying to sound as earnest as possible. "Do you remember who was to have built this new house of yours?"
"Lucius arranged the whole thing," Fudge said slowly.
"I see," she said, with as much fake nonchalance as she could put into those two syllables, hoping he was actually sharp enough to pick it up.
"Do . . . do you think his memories could have been modified too, Amelia?" he asked hopefully.
"I think it's something that will have to be investigated, Minister," the Director said, amazed that things were going so well. "I will, however, need a bit of help from you, sir, if we are going to resolve this situation quietly and in your favor."
"What do you need?"
"First of all, we are going to need to keep this all quiet from everyone," she stated firmly, sounding like the field Auror she'd once been. "Everyone to include Lucius Malfoy."
"Even Lucius? Amelia, I refuse to believe that a man of his breeding could be involved in something like this." He straightened his robes and tried to look firm, only managing to look like he was trying not to pass gas.
"I am sure you are correct, Minister. However we still must be sure that he does not become aware of even a hint of the investigation." The former Chief Auror allowed her voice to drop as she leaned in, "Sir, you are aware that Mr. Malfoy was charged with being a Death Eater at the conclusion of the late unpleasantness."
"The man was cleared of all charges!" he quickly exclaimed.
"As you say, Minister, cleared of all charges by reason of imperious curse," the veteran law enforcement officer said leadingly. "My concern, sir, is that a man with a track record of being highly susceptible to magics that effect the mind being involved in what appears to be a series of crimes directed against yourself involving magics that effect the mind."
"You think someone may have Lucius under one of the unforgivables!" Fudge squealed.
"I think it possible that he is in fact being controlled by the imperius or some similar sir," the Director stated calmly. "I know that it would be best to keep him in the dark until I have had a chance to investigate the situation, sir."
"You have to save him, Amelia!" Fudge's fist came down on his desk again. "Have your men pick him up and take him to St. Mungoes as soon as possible."
"I think that action would be premature at this time, Minister," the countries top magical cop said calmly. "For one thing, we can't be sure what spell might be controlling him, so it would be best to have whomever is behind this in custody before we risk mucking about inside his head."
"Of course," Fudge said, trying and failing to sound like he understood.
"For another, it would risk tipping our hands to the mastermind which in turn would make it much more difficult to apprehend them which in turn would increase the difficulty of recovering your house," she explained.
"Yes . . . yes, you're right of course, Amelia. Lucius can't know a thing until you've found the blackguards responsible for this terrible crime." He smiled, relieved.
"I'm glad you see it my way, sir." The woman's smile was shark like. "Permit me to tell you the immediate actions I'm going to take to remedy this situation. One, I am going to replace your normal security guards with some of my best Aurors. Your current people allowed this crime to happen under their very noses, meaning they can't be trusted with your security a moment longer."
"Assuming one of them didn't have something to do with it in the first place," Fudge said peevishly.
"As you say, sir. I'll have them reassigned to the Azkaban guard detail for the duration of the investigation, both to keep them isolated in case they were corrupted and to help express my displeasure at the poor job they've been doing."
"What else?" Fudge asked eagerly.
"I am going to need a signed writ from you, authorizing me to investigate every aspect of Lucius Malfoy's life down to the smallest detail. I am also going to need a signed statement, granting the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and myself blanket permission to examine every file and record concerning your person currently maintained, kept, or stored by Gringotts."
"Is that really necessary, Amelia?" Fudge asked.
"It is if you want me to guarantee an arrest at the end of my investigation, sir," the woman who remembered having to watch as the men who'd been responsible for the death of her predecessor receive pardons from the current Minister said firmly. "With it, I believe I can guarantee that at least one man will pay for what's been done."
"If you're sure, Amelia," he caved.
"I stake my job on it, Minister, it's one of the chief reasons I chose to stay in Law Enforcement after the late unpleasantness resolved itself, for the chance to put men like that where they belong."
"I'm glad you feel so strongly about this, Amelia," the Minister said happily. "It gives me hope that things will come to a favorable conclusion."
Amelia chose to wait in the Minister's outer office to guard the door herself while she sent her aide scurrying off to fetch a dozen of her best and most trustworthy Aurors to take over the Minister's protection detail. It was funny how the world worked sometimes, ten years of waiting and working and the thing she wanted most in the world just falls into her lap in a morning.
The grin on Moody's face upon hearing his orders was a sight to behold.
"One question before we begin, if I may, Amelia," the near retiree stated.
"Go for it," she said.
"Exactly how do you want me to handle Lucius Bloody Malfoy when the smug bastard comes demanding an audience with our esteemed Minister? You want me to tell him to bugger off or do you want me to let 'im in?"
"Have Flint inform Mister Malfoy that we have indications that the Minister's security was compromised and that no one is to be permitted to meet privately with the Minister without my express personal authorization until the situation has been resolved."
"Flint?"
"Good Auror from a bad family. She maintains close enough contact not to get tossed out and enough distance to keep them ignorant of the fact that she'd been dating a muggleborn since her fifth year."
The old man nodded, satisfied by the answer he'd been given.
"Parker," she called her aide over.
"Boss?"
"Have Potter come directly to my office the minute she decides to grace us with her presence this morning. Floo her and tell her to get her ass here if she hasn't arrived by nine."
"Got it, boss."
IIIIIIIIII
Harry awoke slowly, his body feeling as if it was in the possession of an overly affectionate octopus. She'd likely feel the same, he noted. Even their legs were twined together. Both drawing as much comfort as they could from the other.
Sleeping together had been a good idea, he thought to himself. He didn't even want to contemplate what the evening would have been like alone.
"Looks like our hands did do a bit of wandering last night," Luna chirped, regarding him thorough half lidded eyes.
"Yep." Making a sudden decision, he twitched his fingers, causing the girl to let out a surprised moan.
"Doing things like that is going to make me forget the plan to wait till you're in good enough condition to make things long term."
"Sorry to make you wait," he murmured, pulling her close.
"I'm sure it will be well worth it," Luna said brightly. "Shall we stay like this for a bit?"
"Yeah. It's nice."
AN:
Awesomeness added by dogbertcarroll
Omake: By Lord Veive
"For now," Luna repeated. "We shall return tomorrow. That will be sufficient time for you to retrieve my master's cloak." Then Luna pointed to the side and the room of requirements shifted around them.
"We shall also take a fragment of a soul for the fragment of time you are taking from us. Do not fret- there is one in that- Cup?" She blinked, then continued. "We shall require something that is ours from this world for every day that we must wait."
End omake.
There are a few ways I see this going.
1) Dumbledore plies Harry and Luna with pets that would make Hagrid weep with jealousy, and rituals that would make Tom's skin crawl. He taps into 150 years of the deepest, darkest secrets only known to people who took place in war operations or working at the executive level in the government in order to buy time. Things like the instructions for building the archway in the department of mysteries, instructions for breeding/making dementors, etc.
2) Dumbledore realizes there is a clock ticking and pulls out all of the stops. He has the hallows and the required number of Tom's horcruxes in a week or less.
3) Dumbledore is able to get a horcrux a day, but they aren't tom's:
"This is cuddles the destroyer, he's the man who translated the Horcrux ritual from ancient egyptian into latin. As you can see, he has been tranfigured into a shower stall, with a mild lust charm on him. Until recently he resided in the bathroom for the 7th year's girls of house hufflepuff." Dumbledore explained.
"That doesn't sound so bad." Luna observed.
"Cuddles preferred the company of other men." Dumbledore explained.
"Ah."