AN: Hey y'all! Wowowow we've reached 105 reviews! This is so great guys thank you so much! :) I may or may not have squealed ;)
The 100th reviewer was Scylla's Revenge (and I thank her for taking time off work to read this story, and by reviewing a lot of chapters so SHOUTOUT!), and her one shot is about Alysae asking all kinds of naive curious questions to Boromir, about humans, as she has never seen one before (other than Aragorn). Its fun and sweet and I would really appreciate it if you would check it out. It can be found in my profile under Only Human.
I also cut my hair. I dont really know if it was a bad decision yet, but its so much easier to wash. (It used to be nearly reaching my butt and now it brushes my shoulders- drastic I know!)
Thank you so much for the follows, faves, reviews!
mystarlight: Thank you! (I love compliments ;) ), please enjoy this chapter as well! Thank you for sticking with me ;)
the8horcrux: I like stating the obvious. ;) Also, yeah, things are going downhill! So many questions, secrets, answers demanded, that I am getting confused. Thank yoouu it really pleases me that you think that my chapter was good. Reviews are the only reward I get, along with self satisfaction :) Please enjoy this chap too!
MustardLady: Yess, keep reading please! I love confusing people, but even I am annoyed at how long this is taking, why cant alysae just know?! Also its like that quote in The Fellowship of the Ring, how you can never ask Elves for advice bc they will answer both yes and no. Anyways, I am not saying anything about theories and the likes! ;) altho i wish i could... EnjoY!
Annabel Jones: Um, maybe? Oops haha... Thank you mellon and I will! EnjoooYyY
EmmaCBlackstairs: Oh, so now you're back? ;) jk... Thanks friend, and enjooy
Katia0203: Im glad you enjoyed the different POV :) Also, it might sound weird but the fact that you said you got teary eyed, made me so happy! I provoked emotion in you with my writing! :)) I also love theories ;) Of course I would do a shout out, you deserved it! As for the 100th review, meh dw, if we get to 200 reviews, Ill do it again. And that idea for a oneshot is honestly great, and once Im done with this story, Im thinking abt doing a prequel story. Thank you :) enjoy!
Scylla's Revenge: I should be telling you to go back to work, but honestly, I do the same (procrastinating by reading fanfics) so I can't lol! I know, I know, Thran really can be such a dumb elf tbh, but he makes up for it afterwards! I love love the realitionship between Alys and Legolas, they are so sweet, and yeah. As for Gollum, I dont believe that anyone is wholly evil or good, i believe that everyone is both, its just the ratio that differs.
Yeay, I am making people intrigued! im so proud ;) As for her love interested, it will all make sense in time ;) I wont ever make her fall in love with a 40 year old man, sorry but thats just wrong. As for wanting to live with humans, well she's always only known elves, so she might not really realise that she could have the option, you know? ENjoy this chap! ;)
PrettyRecklessLaura: thank you for reviewing and hope you enjoy this chapter too!
. . . Chapter 17- It makes my circles end . . .
.~.
And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.
Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.
John Donne, 'A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning'.
.~.
Alysae sat alone in the grass.
Her fingers played with the soft blades as her back rested against a large protudding root that dived like a serpent into the earth, at the base of the silver trunk of a mallorn tree. If she glanced up, she could distantly make out wispy lights and figures like moving dots drifting up into the talans.
It felt strange being back on the ground, but she liked it so much better. It was like she could get a grasp of reality, out of the ethereal place that was the Up, as Alysae liked to call it.
No, this place was so much better. She found great confort in the feel of the moist earth under her legs, and of the soft grass brushing against her ankles like gentle caresses. The great roots made, strangely enough, rather comforting pillows, as they were covered in much moss.
Sometimes a leaf would fall from overhead, fluttering gently as it twisted and turned, like a golden tear of the Sun. She liked looking at its marvellous hues.
Earlier this morning, after the twins had just left, she'd had a crying bout. Who knew when - if - she'd ever see them? It was like the Fellowship all over again, except this time there was no Arwen to comfort her. No, she was now all alone, and she knew no one here. Even though Laereth was nice and kind, Alysae did not really know her.
She'd staggered to her room, annoyed with her tears, and filled with an insufferable sadness. But it was not a farewell. It was not a Farewell. She kept telling herself that.
Then, there had come a knock at the door and she'd hastily wiped at her eyes and rearranged her dress and hair. When she'd opened the door, there had been Miriel standing there, her cool eyes taking in her own rumpled appearance and red rimmed eyes, but making no comment.
"Lord Celeborn wishes you to visit his library," she had said in a flat voice.
Alysae had completely forgotten about the promised vissit to the ruler's library. The prospect of countless new books for her to discover cheered her up a little, and so she followed Miriel without a second to pause.
The walk to the library was at the same time short, and yet it seemed to stretch endlessly. Not once did Miriel utter a word, and Alysae wondered if her carfelly concealed tired eyes did mean that maybe she actually enjoyed the presence of the twins. Maybe she even fancies Elladan, thought Alysae. But really, who could tell? Miriel could be an agent of Sauron for all she knew. Nothing, that is what she knew of Miriel- safe for her name.
Alysae wanted to ask her questions, know more about her, but the elleth made her feel uncomfortable for some reason. She emitted a cold aura, one that made Alysae want to avoid her. Her long light hair, characteristic of the Galadhrim, fell flatly down her back, not a single strand out of place, while her icy blue eyes stared coldly ahead. Her footsteps were light and she made no sound, walking ahead of Alysae so that she had to nearly run to keep up.
Alysae scowled as she held the hem of her dress carefully out of the way of her feet. Already she was breathless. This day was not going the way she would have liked it to; first she'd woken feeling rather strange and exhausted, then the twins left, leaving her an emotional wreck, and now she was forced to endure Miriel's silent torment?
Breathe in, breathe out, she thought. Soon she would be surrounded by nice books, countless books, books for her to read...
She felt a calmness slowly descend over her. Good, that was good. She let out a breath. She could work with this.
As they walked, the stairs began to wind up and up, higher than she had usually been up to. Platforms and talans became rarer and rarer to see, and a quiet peace drifted in the air. The path before them then forked into two branches, and Alysae followed Miriel as she turned left.
Not long after, Miriel stopped in front of two large doors, that remindedd Alysae of the dinner parlour she had supper with the Lord and Lady.
"This is Lord Celeborn's personnal library," said Miriel flatly. "I take my leave, my lady."
Without another moment the elleth had turned her back and walked down the way they had come, disappearing from view. Alysae had another déja-vu, remembering the dinner a day or two ago. Could Miriel not help her feel just a little wanted, ease her way into the unknown of Lothlorien? Apparently not.
She looked around- no one was there, the path was emty and silent- and hesitantly raised her hand to knock. She faltered, took a breath and rapped her knuckles against the door, not too softly but not too loud either.
There was a moment of silent afterwards as she felt her knocks echo down around, and she internally cringed. It felt like shouting in a sacred place, or like running over tombs: wrong.
The door opened.
"Ah, there you are!" said Celeborn with a smile. Alysae blinked, for it was completely at odds with her image of the stern ruler of Lothlorien. "Come in."
Alysae entered the room, stifling a gasp. Rosw and rows and rows of books decorated the walls, heavy and in so many colours that she felt her eyes pop. There was a large table with comfortable armchairs scattered around the room, wispy silver lanterns hung around the room, casting a warn glow.
She realised she had her mouth open.
"I do not usually allow others to come carelessly into the confines of my library," said the Lord, making her remember his presence. "But, I am aware of your great love for books, which, being like my own, I could not very well keep you from your love of it. You are allowed to read any bookks in my collection," he said, englobing the spacious room with his arm; "however, these books are not to leave this room." He cast a stern eye in her direction. "You may read them in here, and those chairs are for you to use."
When she had regained the ability to use her tongue, she had beamed happily, her eyes shining, "Thank you, my Lord!"
Celeborn had smiled, his eyes twinkling. "It is my pleasure, child." And he had sat in an armchair all morning, reading, and Alysae had wandered the shelves, and taken a dusty old book, and read too.
When she had left, for lunch, he had told her that she could come anytime she wanted.
Back to the present, Alysae sighted. If only she could understand the cause of her unease and inner pain. She felt a weight and shadow upon her mind, but knew not the reason. Was it the twin's leaving? Or perhaps... her fading?
She absentmindedly rubbed a hand over her chest, where she could feel the ghost of a past pain. Was it coming back now? She realised that for a while she had not had an attack. It had been ever since... ever since the first day of her stay in Rivendell. That was more than a month ago!
Was it going away after all these years?
No, Alysae shook her head and squashed that hope before it had a chance to bloom. She could not be so naive as to hope for it to be true. She could feel herself becoming weaker, could feel her life force slipping slowly away.
She felt so so weary. Tired of it all. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all to fade away, to die? It would feel like sleeping, falling into oblivion and dreamless state.
Blowing a strand of hair that fell against her eyes, Alysae reached for the medium sized leather book that was carelessly on the floor, next to her. She tried very hard not to ever think what she had just thought. Dying, a good thing. She scoffed and drew her eyes shut. This was it, she was losing it.
She released her breath slowly through clenched teeth and opened her eyes. Taking a pencil and hoping it would clear her mind, she began to sketch lightly on the page.
The roots in front of her, the leaves scattered round her legs, the stone that sat an arm's reach away... she observed and drew, making straight lines and wobbly ones, and curves also. She added a little bit of shading too, and then finally she looked at her drawing.
She grimaced.
If she hadn't known what she had drawn she would never have guessed. The stone looked like a dark pool, and the trunks looked like strange wiry walls, the roots like knotted rope.
"What are you doing?"
The deep voice startled her and she flinched.
"My apologies, I did not mean to surprise you," the voice came again. Ever so slowly, Alysae turned around in her seat. There before her was none other than the Marchwarden, standing tall and regal, face as sharp as knives and as impassive as stone.
"I think on the contrary that you rather meant it, and that you knew very well it would startle me." Her boldness surprised her; but the only indication that the Marchwarden showed that he had heard her words was the slight raise of a single eyebrow.
"What are you doing?" he repeated, gesturing to the sketchbook on her lap.
Alysae closed it with a snap, glad that he could not see her drawing from his angle. "I could ask you the same."
Haldir gazed at her cooly. "I am asking you a question."
"Then, as I am sure you can tell," said Alysae acidly, "I am drawing- or well, was, before you came and distracted me!"
Haldir raised an eyebrow. "Drawing? May I see?"
"No," she snapped.
"Why not? It cannot be so bad that you are so embarassed to show me," said Haldir, moving closer to her.
Alysae flushed in anger. "I am not embarassed!"
"Then I do not see the issue," said Haldir as he snatched her sketchbook from her arms.
"Give that back!" shouted Alysae, standing up and reaching for the sketchbook, which Haldir was lazily flipping through. He was so tall that Alysae could only hope to reach the book by jumping, but everytime she did he would just move out of the way and dodge.
"These are terrible," he remarked. "Look at that," he said, showing her a page where she'd tried to draw Galion and failed miserably, his nose looking like a potato, and his eyes like two strange beads. "I wonder what this is. Some orc spawn?"
Alysae felt her cheeks burn. "There is no need to be cruel. I know I might not be the best at drawing, but I do it for my own pleasure, not to amuse others! And if you would please give me my sketchbook back!" she shouted, feeling her temper rise.
But Haldir remained unfazed. "May I have your pencil?"
When he received no response, he swiftly bent down and picked up the pencil she had disgarded earlier. He began to run the pencil in smooth strokes on a page, hidden from her view.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock, her mouth falling open. What on Arda was he doing? But he gave no response, and continued with the small gestures of his hand, looking completely absorbed in the task.
As she watched him, Alysae felt her anger slowly dissipate, until she simply grew curious to know what he was drawing. "What are you doing?" she repeated, this time softly.
Once more he stayed quiet, and Alysae observed him quietly. His eyebrows were drawn in concentration, and his lips slightly pursed. Every so often, he would glance up and then back at the page, as if he were comparing the two.
Alysae sighted. Of course he could draw better than her. All elves could. But this was more than slightly humiliating. He wanted to rub it in her face, didn't he? Once more, Alysae felt anger threaten her.
Breathe, she thought. She had to stay calm.
Haldir seemed interely oblivious to her chain of thoughts and highly changing emotions, instead continuing with his work, as if she was not there.
Alysae sighted and sat down, leaning back against a root. She might as well make herself comfortable.
It could have been hours, or minutes or days, that she could not remember; she was so absorbed in an ant crawling on her dress that she did not realise that Haldir had stopped sketching until he spoke.
"Where did you learn how to draw?"
Alysae jerked her head around; she'd completely forgotten he was there. "Nowhere. No one taught me," she answered. "Or well my father's advisor tried to. But as you can see, that did not work so well." She shrugged her shoulders.
"It is strange," he said, flipping through her sketchbook. Alysae wanted nothing more than to yell at him, and snatch it back. It was private. "Did you draw these?" he asked, lifting her sketchbook her way for her to see. On one page she had drawn many foxes; foxes sitting, standing, running, with their faces content, terrified, and growling.
"I did," said Alysae, feeling her cheeks burn in embarassement.
"Impressive."
Alysae opened her mouth in shock and did not know what to say, so she settled with a polite thank you.
There was a moment of silence, broken by the Marchwarden.
"Why are you troubled?" Haldir had still not moved from his standing place, a few paces away, the sketchbook still in beteween his large hands.
"What?" Alysae's head snapped up. "I am not troubled."
Haldir gave her a deadpanned look. "You are."
"I do not need to give you any answers," snapped Alysae, "and I do not understand why you would ask them in the first place? First you come and disturb me in my moment of peace and quiet; second you, you steal my sketchbook! and third you demand answers! Why? I do not know you, and you do not know me. Clearly, this is as bothersome to you as it is to me, so if you would kindly go on your way, I would be most grateful." She took a breath after her long rant.
Haldir sighted. "Very well, I owe you at least some form of explanation. Before the twins left, they requested of me that I make sure you are well, and to help you in any way that you might need. I must admit that I care little for mortals and their ways, but nevertheless I shall make sure to carry out their wishes," he said, like he'd been asked to take care of a not particuliarly liked kitten, or babysit an annoying child.
Alysae felt a wave of anger so violent that she was sure she would have stumbled has she not been sitting down. This elf was the most infuriating, horrible, worst person to ever exist! She nearly threw herself to her feet. "You want to know how I fare?" she shouted. "Very well! Here is how well I am: my brother has left on a quest for goodness knows how long, in possibly the most dangerous quest ever appointed in existence, to Mordor! The chances of him still being alive are so very slim! My father is dealing alone with the more frequent attacks of orcs and deadly spiders in our land, while I am sitting here doing nothing! And then the twins leave, and I am part terrified for their safety, and part mad at them for leaving me here, alone with the likes of you! So, no, Haldir, I am not well," she spat.
Haldir said nothing, only staring at her pensively, and for some reason this made Alysae snap again. Perhaps it was the strain of these past few months, or maybe he had silently egged her on, either way, she snapped.
"All my life had been near perfect: my circles were just and turning happily and safely!" she shouted. "In a matter of weeks, the whole world broke into pieces, and now my circles shattered too, and they are ending," her voice quieted down, as her anger disappeared and morphed into sorrow. "This darkness makes my circles end, and I do not know if I can fix them," she finished in a broken whisper, a tear glinting on her cheek.
Haldir tilted his head to the side. "All beginnings start with an end," he said, meeting her eyes as if she had not been shouting mere moments ago, as if her eyes were not shining with unshed tears. "Broken does not mean unfixable."
And he placed her sketchbook carefully on the floor and turned around and left, with scarcely a sound, and disappeared among the trees.
-xxx-
Dun, dun. What did Haldir draw? Hmm... Find out next chap!
Tell me what you think, and remember to check out the oneshot Only Human! Thanks ;)