Disclaimer: I still do not recommend any attempt to emulate Sirius Black. Come to think of it, it's probably not a good idea to emulate any of the characters I write. Of course, I have been known to be wrong on rare occasions.
Sir Sirius Thomas Rides Again
Part III of the Sirius Senior Series. Odd Ideas #161, 164.
Sirius smiled across the table at his opponent. He'd been steadily winning favors over the past three hours, meaning the other boy was deep in the tank and had reached the point where he was no longer trying to win so much as to break even. In short, it was the perfect time to enact the next part of his plan.
"How about this," Sirius said reasonably. "I'll bet every favor you owe me and the promise that I will use the influence I have to make sure the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs leave you alone and to exert my influence, which is considerable considering my family, to see that the Slytherins don't dare lay a finger on you for being a half-blood or for any reason."
"You can do that?" the boy tried not to look hopeful.
"I am the heir to one of the darkest families in the British Isles, I am the scion of one of the greatest houses in the magical world, I am Sirius Black the future head of a group of people no one in their right mind would be daft enough to pick a fight with. Convincing a group of children that bullying one of their number for the circumstances of his birth would be a very bad idea is well within my powers."
"All of them?"
"Most of them," Sirius corrected. "There are always a few too stupid to have any sense of self preservation."
"Against what?"
"You're going to be number one in potions in our year. I want your word that you'll see that I am number two."
"Done. Do we have a deal?"
"We do," Sirius agreed.
"I win!" the half-blood Prince revealed his cards. "I win."
Sirius smiled as his cards exploded. "You do. Congratulations."
"What?" the boy turned wary, his finely honed sense of self-preservation warning him that he had just made a very large mistake.
"Bella!" Sirius raised his voice. "Could you come over here, please."
Severus shuddered as the most unhinged girl in the house approached, the expression on her face promising violence, pain, and terror. He tried to make himself look small, hoping against everything that the girl would vent her rage on her disgrace of a cousin.
"Thank you for coming, Bella," Sirius said with a smile. "I asked you here because I've been hearing some rather disturbing rumors about you." The boy held up a hand. "Nothing scandalous, but still the sort that make me worry about your future, looking after which is one of my responsibilities as heir to the family. As such."
He turned towards his companion. "Severus, meet my cousin Bellatrix."
"Bella, meet Severus. He's your new boyfriend."
Severus looked into the girls eyes felt as if he were a mouse caught in the gaze of a snake. At that moment, he knew he was going to die.
"He's also one of the foremost experts on the dark arts in the student body."
The girl's gaze turned speculative and in it, Severus saw the possibility of living to see the sunrise.
"I'd suggest you not waste any time and get to proving me right about your knowledge of the dark arts," Sirius whispered to the boy. "It'll likely get very uncomfortable for you if she thinks I lied to her."
"You said this would protect me from the other Slytherins," Severus protested.
"I said the Slytherins won't dare lay a finger on you and they won't. Bella would not like it if anyone dared touch something that belonged to her." He smiled at his cousin. "Would you, Bella?"
"I would not," Bellatrix confirmed. "Leave us, cousin."
"Of course." Sirius rose to his feet. "Don't do anything that can be proven in court. Our finances aren't healthy enough for the bribes."
IIIIIIIII
It took Minerva half the morning to find the Headmaster and when she did she was a bit mystified by the fact that he was not in his office, choosing instead to do his paperwork in the Great Hall.
"Is there some reason you've chosen to work here today, Albus?" she asked cautiously. It was never wise to ask Dumbledore too many questions, every answer held the potential to make you regret the fact that you'd asked it.
"It is sometimes nice to get out of my stuffy office to do one's work somewhere with better ventilation," the Headmaster replied a touch less cheerfully than normal. "But I sense that you did not come here to ask me that."
"Yes. One of the first year Slytherins has been spending quite a bit of time with my Griffindors," Minerva reported.
"Oh? How much time?"
"All of it. She attends classes with them, sleeps with them, eats with them, and refuses to go back to her own dormitories."
"Is she being bullied in her house?" the old man asked.
"I do not believe so." It would take a very foolish individual to even look at the girl wrong considering the fact that her two older siblings were in the same house and her family's habit of extreme solutions to minor problems.
"Is she from a traditionally light family?" His mind tried to identify any of the students that may have 'shamed' their family by being sorted into the wrong house. He could only think of one and he was already in Gryffindor.
"Quite the opposite," Minerva replied. "I would expect young Ms. Black to want nothing to do with the house of the lions."
"I see." The old man stared at his deputy for a few moments. "I fail to see the problem here, Minerva. Simply explain to young Ms. Black that while having friends in other houses is a wonderful thing, something I strongly encourage, that she must at minimum sleep and attend classes with her house mates."
"I have tried, Albus. The issue is that I am not sure which of my girls is Ms. Black." She pursed her lips. "The girl has become quite proficient with glamours."
"Proficient enough to fool you?" She now had the old man's full attention.
"With the help of my Gryffindors. Yes." It was also possible the girl was a metamorph, it was said the talent cropped up in the Black family from time to time.
"Remarkable." The old man grinned. "Please inform Ms. Black that I am awarding thirty points to Slytherin for impressive spell work and thirty more to your Gryffindors for showing inter-house unity."
Minerva pinched the bridge of her nose. "How does this solve my problem, Albus?"
"Problem?" The old man stroked his beard. "I'm afraid I don't know what problem you are referring to, Minerva."
"Never mind, Albus," the Deputy Headmistress sighed. The easy way it was then. She'd look the other way and pretend she'd always had a set of identical twins in the current batch of firsty girls. Perhaps Ms. Black would even consent to pick one girl to emulate rather than rotating through the bunch.
IIIIIIIIII
The cute black puppy stealthy followed the head girl into her private quarters intent on not being found but sure that the consequences wouldn't be too dire if he was. The puppy paused for a moment to consider if it might not be to his benefit to allow himself to be captured, to be stroked, petted, held up to the head girl's magnificent bosom. The puppy's eyes glassed over as he contemplated just how magnificent the afore mentioned bosom was before shaking it off. No, he must not allow the weaknesses of the flesh to distract him, not when he had work to do.
"Finished with your internal monologue, Mr. Black?" the head girl's no nonsense voice interrupted his musings.
"Woof?" the cute puppy replied, trying to look as innocent and adorable as possible.
"That will not work until after you've explained to me why you are here and I have decided just how badly to hex you for sneaking into my rooms," Amelia said dryly. "Business before pleasure."
The puppy sighed before transforming into the handsome form of young Sirius Black, scion of the Black family
"Well?"
"How'd you know it was me?" Sirius asked, trying to look as harmless and adorable as possible. The boy contemplated his shoes and twisted one toe in the carpet. Not hard enough to leave a mark or cause any damage, of course. That would detract from the image he was trying to present.
"You have to know these things when you're head girl," Amelia sniffed.
"You put wards up around your rooms," Sirius sighed.
"I did in fact put wards up around my rooms," Amelia agreed. "Why are you here?"
"I need to use your floo to talk with my mother," Sirius replied.
"Why mine?"
"It's private and the only one in the castle that I haven't been able to put listening charms on," Sirius explained. "The fact that I can't do it doesn't mean that no one can, but it does mean that you need to have more skill than the average student."
"I see." The girl's eyes narrowed. "Is that the only reason?"
"The main one," Sirius said. "I was also hoping to get a show, but that would have been a bonus."
"Oh?"
"Yep," Sirius agreed cheerfully. "Thought I'd give you another sign that I'm interested in having a relationship with you." His grin deepened. "The first sign was getting Ted to get me your bra."
"It's flattering, but you are a bit young for me."
"You're not too young for me and our age difference won't matter in a decade or two," Sirius pointed out. "Just think about it."
"I shall. I would also advise you not to get your hopes up," she said with a grin.
"I won't," Sirius promised. "I figure this will be a long term project anyway."
"Do you want me to leave while you talk with your mother?"
"Nah, introducing you to her will be another sign and a way to deepen our relationship."
The girl nodded her head. "Alright, I trust you know where I keep the floo powder?"
"Nope," Sirius replied. "Like I said before, I haven't been able to get monitoring charms in here yet."
"Third brick on the left is loose."
Sirius removed the brick and took a pinch of floo powder from the hidden cache. "Black sitting room!"
His mother's scowling face appeared in the fire. "What do you wa-Sirius?" what passed for one of her smiles cracked her face.
"Mother," Sirius said calmly.
"Son," she replied.
"You wished to speak with me?"
"What do you think of your eldest cousin's intended?"
"Well, he's not very bright for starters," Sirius began. "So Andy shouldn't have too much trouble controlling him, and the fact that he's a muggle born means the bribes to the ministry won't be much after she decides to dispose of him."
"Yes. I mean aside from the obvious."
"Oh." Sirius tilted his head. "His blood is both powerful and delicious. I've been able to get ten percent more for it than the usual going rate."
"Exactly how much is that?" his mother asked sharply.
Sirius dug around his pockets and emerged with a price list which he passed through the fire. "Third item down."
"Exactly how much have you made from all this?" she asked, sounding impressed this time.
"Enough for Andromeda's dowery, considering the groom, and enough that she'll only get probation when she decides to do away with him. I'm still saving up for Bella and Narcissa."
"Such a responsible boy. As expected of my son." The woman straightened up. "How are you making deliveries?"
"The usual way," Sirius replied. "Mother, may I present to you Amelia Bones."
Amelia stepped forward to join the conversation.
"She's the witch with the impressive sized bosom," he added.
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Black."
"Your father did not exaggerated the size of that bra then," his mother nodded. "I take it you've decided to woo young Ms. Bones."
"Yes, Mother."
"You understand that there is more to a girl than the size of her bosom?"
"Yep, there's the condition of her arse too, and Amy's is right cracking, dead fit."
The girl in question raised an eyebrow.
"She's also the head girl and had her suite warded to the point that it is the one living area I haven't been able to get monitoring charms on," Sirius continued. "I attempted to sneak in earlier today and was immediately caught."
"Oh?" Sirius' mother regarded the girl. "I trust you won't make it too easy for him?"
"He has potential, but he's a bit young and impetuous," Amelia stated. "I'm still contemplating exactly how badly I should hex him for being caught."
"The tooth ripping curse is one of my favorites, I'd be happy to teach it to you if you don't already know it," Mrs. Black offered.
"Thank you, ma'am," Amelia said gratefully. "I do not and it is always helpful to learn a new hex."
"Not at all, dear. I'm afraid you'll have to wait to test it out on my son though."
"Why is that?"
"He snuck out the second you turned your attention away from him," Sirius' mother replied. "Might I suggest sweeping your suite for monitoring charms after we finish our conversation."
"Thank you, ma'am. I think I will."
"I know a couple charms that might help with that as well," the woman continued. "I'd be happy to teach those ones too if you have the time."
AN: I have nothing to say. Move along.
Typos by John povenmire
Line by AlanP