Author's note: fufufu, it's started... the turnaround... that moment when Zuko stops running away and finally turns to face her, but she had already stopped chasing him and turned her back on him...! Now it'll be HIS turn to suffer! MUHAHAHAHA!

Fight 51: Breaking Away

Zuko was running at full speed through the prison's hallways, his heart thumping madly, drowning all other noises. Chenlian, dead? It couldn't be! He had talked to her just the previous evening! She had smiled at him! Nothing and no one could take her out! That was Chenlian! He burst through doors into a cold and dark chamber lit by a few torches. Azula was already there, even Mai and Ty Lee. Right, they were going to have a sleepover. He didn't hear his sister saying he was late. He approached the large rectangular stone slab before which they were standing and saw the body on it. When he recognized Chenlian, he started feeling his heart going numb from the pain so it wouldn't explode. But it couldn't be! Those girls had to be pranking him! With a trembling hand, he touched Chenlian's arm. It was cold! No, no no! He saw Mai looking down with a pained expression, Ty Lee bursting into tears and throwing herself in Mai's arms who hugged her back. Azula had her arms crossed, and looked disappointed.

"How anticlimactic for one of the greatest enemies of the Fire Nation to end so pathetically... It seems the cause of death was poison. We still don't know how she absorbed it or who did it." The princess spoke monotonously. "Zuko, you're still coming here aren't you? Could it be that you actually came here to finish your work from that day and win against her once and for all so she wouldn't trouble you anymore?"

"You're the one who killed her, didn't you?!" Zuko blew at her, his face deformed by rage.

"STOP IT!" Ty Lee suddenly snapped, turning to the siblings, stunning everyone. "Can't you two have some decency for once in your life?! Even if things turned the way they did, it wasn't always like that! She was once our precious friend! So for the sake of that memory, don't you dare argue like that here and now of all times and places!" Tears were still streaming down her face. She was so angry and sad that the royal children looked down. After a time, Azula started taking the sobbing Ty Lee away. There was nothing to do here anymore. She called her brother.

"I'll be right back." He replied absent-mindedly, his eyes fixed on the beautiful, bloodless face of the woman with whom he had once shared his life. Azula and Ty Lee left. Mai raised her arm, tried to say something, hesitated, hung her head, and left too. Zuko took Chenlian's hand. It had lost all its warmth, all its strength and vitality. The hand that had always strongly yet gently and tenderly clasped his, when they were children, when they were travelling through the Earth Kingdom or strolling through the streets of Ba Sing Se. The hand he had failed to take back then. Her eyes were closed. Why had he not taken her hand earlier? If he had, it would not be so cold now. He cupped her hand whose icy back he pressed against his cheek. He gritted his teeth and shut his eyes as tight as he could, anguish distorting his features. If only that hand could regain its warmth and strength, he would never let it go again. But even though he was holding her hand, she had already gone where he could no longer reach her, no matter how much he would hope, pray, or cry. As long as she was alive, it would have been fine. As long as she was alive, something could have been done. He opened his eyes again and stared at her closed ones. It looked as if she was only sleeping and recovering from an illness, and if he stayed by her side long enough, holding her hand, she would open her eyes again, lightly grip it back and feebly smile at him and he would smile back and kiss her gently, tenderly, lovingly, and she would understand just how scared he had been for her and she would kiss him back, responding to his love... But no matter how much he stared at her eyes, she would not wake up. In children's tales, when the prince kissed his princess, she always woke up. He lightly pressed his lips against her cold ones for a long time. But she still did not wake up. She would no longer wake up. This wasn't a tale for children.

Later, Zuko was sitting on his bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands when Mai entered. He sharply asked what she was doing here. She just wanted him to know that if he needed to talk, she was there for him.

"Talk?! Talk about what?! What can I say?! What do you want me to say?! What do you think I have the right to say?! What is there even to say now?! And what about you?! You must be happy now that Chenlian's gone!" He barked, like he was accusing her of taking advantage of Chenlian's... disappearance to try and steal a march... Even though Mai was and had been his actual girlfriend for some time now. He knew he was being unfair but he just couldn't help it. He was so full of rage it was wrecking him inside and he had no way to vent it, nowhere or no one to direct his anger at. He wanted to scream and rampage and destroy everything. He wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to sleep and forget everything. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare. He wanted to see Chenlian and talk to her and touch her and love her.

"How can you say that?! You know I liked her too!" Mai was really hurt. Zuko was speaking like he was the only one to have cared about Chenlian and who was suffering. And he was speaking like his heart had always been set on Chenlian and Chenlian only and had never recognized or accepted anyone else. He didn't even seem to notice, and that was the reason why she so sad, because she felt those were his true feelings. She sighed dejectedly. "it's alright since you're strong and you'll be there for them."... was what Chenlian had said, but could she really do it? It didn't look like it was possible after all... "Did you really expect all this... Chenlian?" The girl muttered almost inaudibly. Could she have expected that she'd die like this? ...Or that Zuko would be affected so strongly? Could she really have imagined that Zuko loved her so much and that he'd be in so much pain over her loss that he was breaking and losing his mind? Or did she think that it no longer mattered? Was Chenlian left so broken that she's simply given up? However, as faint as her voice had been, the prince had heard her, because he had become hypersensitive to anything related to that person...

"What?! What do you mean?!" He tightly grabbed her arms near her shoulders and shook her, startling her.

"I also went to see her, and she told me she was going to be gone soon and disappear from our lives..." She kept silent on her reason for visiting Chenlian though. And Zuko was too stunned by her words to think or ask. But she too was shocked and hurt emotionally that Chenlian could make him lose it to the point he'd hurt her physically.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" The young man raged.

"I never thought such a thing could happen and especially not THAT soon. And even if you had known, what would you have done?"

"I... I would have..." What? Would he have betrayed his father and Mai to take her hand and leave with her? How much did he love her? What was he willing to do and sacrifice to be with her? There was nothing he could say, nothing he could have done. Even pondering all that was pointless... and now, all he could do was to clench his fists tighter.

"Zuko, you're hurting me!"

"Oh, sorry." He let go, turned around and walked. He paused, and suddenly howled, destroying most the furniture in the room with firebending but stopped himself when he saw he was about to hit the lotus vase. Then he sat again on the bed, his head in his hands. Mai tried to approach him and comfort him. "Leave me alone." He said. Worried about him, she still tried to come closer. "LEAVE!" He yelled, firebending at her, frightening her. He failed to notice, or care, how he had hurt her inside. She left, her head down.

All he could think about was Chenlian. Chenlian was gone. She had gone beyond his reach. She had been there, in his arms, smiling up at him, her warm body pressed against his. But now he could only hug himself, and all that was left was emptiness, and a sudden, dizzying sense of loss. He had lost his sun, his light, his guiding thread, and he was lost in the maze, stumbling alone in the dark, unable to move forward, unable to get back, crushed by the burden of loneliness and his own guilt. And when the numbness from the shock disappeared, when the rage faded, there was despair and pain, a constant, stabbing, agonizing, excruciating pain... to the point he believed it would be less painful to just tear open his chest and gouge out his own heart. And he felt sick, like he was about to throw up blood. He started crying. The world was growing cold, or was it himself? Why he could never fall in love with Mai, why he could never forget Chenlian, why the more he was apart from her, the more he yearned for her... it was because she was already part of him, like he was a part of her... he could never be whole without her. And whatever anyone could say about it, whatever logic, reason, or propriety commanded, nothing could change that fact.

If that was not love, what was this feeling?

Zuko woke up again in the middle of the night. Even if he managed to fall asleep, it was always for a short and agitated time. He saw Senya. That didn't surprise him. He only glared wearily, asking why he had come here.

"I wanted to see your happy expression. You challenged her to an Agni Kai because you wanted her gone, right? You should have expected something so obvious. But she still managed to cling to life. That was the only thing she managed to cling to... at the cost of something precious. So now that this extension came to an end I thought you'd feel relieved, free to fully enjoy your time with Mai and your family... but no. How strange. Ah! You must have cried from happiness, right?! So different from her..." Linshen jeered, though his cruel causticity was only his way of expressing his bitterness and resentment. That level wasn't enough to really affect the prince who was blaming himself more than that though. Linshen took something out from his sleeve.

"That is...!" Zuko strongly reacted this time, recognizing the purple ribbon with the golden lotus flower that he had offered to Chenlian.

"...Something I picked up in a cave. It had been torn off and trampled. You must have found her really stupid. Everything that she cherished and desperately fought to protect, you cast them aside so easily, like trash, and destroyed them." He glared at the prince who lowered his head and balled his fists. That one had deeply stabbed him. "You know, just because it had ornated her hair, I started to hold special feelings for it. She who would never allow herself to show any weakness, cried in my chest... aside from her heart, I doubt there would be any treasure more precious..."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE HER?!" The Fire Lord's son suddenly exploded, grabbing the other man's collar and slamming him against the wall.

"Even I can't control everything that happens here. If you mean to take her away, she did not want me to. She wanted to stand on her own and leave by her own means, without relying on anyone. However, getting angry at me like that... it's almost as if you're venting because you were not able to save her yourself... But it can't be, right? Or did you want her at your side so much? Even though you have a girlfriend you care about while you didn't care how much Chenlian suffered, watching you be happy after you deprived her of her freedom, her happiness, after you tried to kill her friends... You thought that as long as she was close by, in your line of sight, everything would be alright, didn't you? Don't forget, Prince Zuko, how you always pushed her away, and how despite that she was always there for you, that day too she stayed for you instead of following the Avatar. And if your betrayal had not destroyed her, if she had kept her composure, she would have kept tabs on your sister too, knowing her nature and personality, and she could have escaped, or probably even won, even against you two. YOU are the cause of all her suffering. It's all your fault, and it's your fault too that she's gone now." He accused and glared implacably, ruthlessly. And although not physical but emotional, the blow was enough to knock the wind out of Zuko and make him let go and recoil. The prince would shake his head, try to refute him, but he couldn't deny it. "You've always basked in her love without doing anything, without thinking. Not even realizing how precious and fragile she actually was, taking her and her love for granted, you kept trampling her, hurting her, breaking her. You have other people you care about so it didn't matter if one was gone, that's why you could so easily sacrifice her. But for me, she was the only I had. So tell me, after everything you've done and didn't do, do you really think you have a right to be sad?" He gave the finishing blow.

Zuko's eyes widened, and he stumbled back to a seated position on the bed, completely stunned, unable to think. He was really just like an empty shell. It would be good if he could just stay like this, drown, and fall to the abyss, and never come back. Right, the real Linshen's defining traits were certainly his persistence and mercilessness. His motto could be 'if you hit it, hit until it breaks', or 'if someone falls in a swamp, make sure they sink to the bottom'. His work here done, Linshen left silently.

Two days later, Chenlian woke up on a ship bound for Fire Fountain City, the Avatar's next stop. They'd be arriving soon. She washed her face in a water basin and stared at her reflection in the water as it settled down, and only saw a shadow, a pale image of the person she had once been. Her hair fell on either side of her face. Bothered, she took a lock and stared at it. She recalled how happy she had been when Master Piandao had offered her her lotus hairpin, and when Zuko had offered her that purple ribbon. But like their bond, that ribbon had been cut in that cave in Ba Sing Se. And she had thrown that hairpin away... because she had felt that if she had anything to hold onto, then she'd keep clinging to those feelings, to that past, without ever being able to move on, to let go, to look forwards. Zuko used to love stroking her hair and play with it too... So she took her dagger and cut her hair that now only reached to a bit above her shoulders. The mahogany locks fell into the basin. What use keeping it so long? It was bothersome, and she no longer had her ribbon or hairpin to hold it up. And Zuko would never touch it again.

She walked to a case containing various instruments. She looked at the pipa, and took the erhu. The bowed two-stringed vertical fiddle was known for its high expressiveness, its ability to convey a wealth of emotions and its flowing, vibrant, heart-wrenching sounds that resonated deep inside you. She played very poignantly a song that could well be titled 'Love in Vain'. Linshen silently came and was shocked to see her short hair. He sighed and looked down. He loved her long hair. And he could have bought her as many hair accessories as she wished. But she felt she needed a change, like she wanted to show her resolve. So he was going to keep quiet about it. He could only hope that this time, she would let it grow for him. He took the pipa to accompany her. Although played just as magnificently, her current music of despair and resignation was a far cry from the upbeat tunes full of resilience that he had grown accustomed to hear from her. When they finished, he voiced his surprise. She could also play the erhu. She had learned from her grandmother. Still, she was really someone who played from her heart, as expected of her.

"And when you tried to get me when I was weak, should I say 'as expected of you'?" She retorted.

"You're still angry about that. But you didn't fall, you rejected me, and endured. So I'll persist too. Because I love you."

"Until you get bored, right?"

"You make it sound like you want me to get bored right away, but if I do you'll be the one in trouble. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I'll get bored anytime soon. Actually I most likely never will. Still that was a pretty cruel thing you did to Zuko... Make a man who loved you believe that you died, that he might have been the one who killed you..."

"Is it really? He's the one who cast me aside without a care. He's got no room to complain. And even if he did feel something, Mai will be there to make him forget. Besides, he's an enemy now, he's been an enemy since the moment I decided to put that plan into action. I'm in a war I can't afford to lose, so I must carefully weigh each decision as to not exceed my abilities. I can't stay naïve and keep caring so much about the means. You can take that as my way to completely sever my ties with my past. If you don't like it, you're free to return me to that cell." Maybe, all the pretty words she had always spouted about staying righteous in spite of adversity was because she had wanted to stay a pretty girl for Zuko, so he'd look at her, see how good, strong, and beautiful a woman she was and choose her. Well, there was still the fact that she wanted to stand above those who had banished her and say 'you can't bring me down'. So that was all really just her pride and selfishness. She understood now as she no longer cared about pride or righteousness. Cruelty and righteousness were only methods and one had to use both skillfully to achieve the best results.

"You must be joking, now that I finally have you all to myself."

"My life doesn't belong to any individual. As for my heart..." There was really no need to say more. "Linshen. No matter what you do for me, and how much you give me, I can't give you what really want. So that means I'm really just using you."

"It doesn't matter. I'm the one who choose you. I'm here for that reason so use me all you want. On that note, food should be ready soon. After the meal I'll help you train again. But to think you'd even develop new techniques..."

"You can't call those 'new techniques'. I'm just tweaking the effects of the heat and chi manipulation a bit and expanding to other... 'materials'..." By removing the heat from lava, she could solidify it, by removing it from a body of water, she could make ice, and she could also remove it from a human body and cause hypothermia. By wrongly infusing chi, she could damage the chi channels and the body. By reversing the processus, she could steal a person's chi. In the past she would have never considered such uses. That was how cold she had grown. But if only she hadn't known that warmth, then she wouldn't be feeling this cold.

The Avatar's party was camping in an isolated area in the vicinity of Fire Fountain City. A bit away from the camp, Aang tied his headband around his eyes for a blindfold and faced the girls who were already in a bending stance. Time for some training! The point today was to test and develop his seismic and combat sense. He easily dodged their attacks and even sent some back to their casters. Toph praised Twinkle-toes' good job. Visualize - then attack! She propelled the boulder back towards the boy who corkscrewed into the ground to avoid it. The boulder though kept going and collided with Katara's chest, bowling her over. Angry, the waterbender stood up and told Toph to follow her own advice.

"What's the matter? Can't handle some dirt, Madame Fussy Britches ?" The earthbender shot back obnoxiously. In response, Katara drenched her with a wave.

"Oh, sorry, did I splash you, mud slug ?" The waterbender retorted the same way. The girls charged each other on ramps of rock and ice, collided, and fell to the ground. The avatar wondered if they were taking a break . Sokka who was hiding with an evil grin suddenly rushed at him from behind yelling 'sneak attack!', and crashed against a rock column Aang had bended in his path. Sneak attacks couldn't work if you yelled it out loud. The girls kept wrestling in the mud until the monk interrupted them. They were supposed to be training HIM. "Very well, pupil. I believe we've had enough training for today." Katara recovered her dignity and walked away. Toph bended the mud away from herself and suggested having some fun in the city while Katara cleaned up. The boys cheered.

As the three were strolling through the industrial part of the city, Sokka noticed all those messenger hawks flying about and thought about getting one for himself so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone, and only send people messages! Toph jokingly admitted liking the idea of not talking to him. But since they only had one silver piece, they had to get more money first.
Down a street, a con man was fleecing citizens with a shell game. Everyone guessed wrong because the dealer moved the rock at the last minute. She could feel it with her earthbending but those who could see relied too much on their eyes, which tunneled their vision. The children approached. Naturally, the scammer spotted the innocent-looking "blind" girl and took her for an easy mark. He suggested a friendly game. She refused at first. A blind person couldn't possibly play. The dealer insisted. She didn't have to see to be lucky. Toph groped her way to the table and bet the last silver piece. The dealer moved the bowls and put a pebble under each one. She felt it, smirked and pointed at one. The scammer praised her and proposed making the game more interesting by putting up twenty silver pieces against her friend (Sokka)'s fine sword. The little girl agreed for forty silver pieces. The dealer accepted since he was confident in his trick. He shuffled the shells faster and more furiously, removing all pebbles in the same time but Toph bended one back just in time. She pointed again. The unaware conman smugly lifted it and was already apologizing for her loss when to his shock he saw that the pebble was still here. Toph cheered and the kids ran away with the money and sword.

When Aang, Sokka, and Toph returned to the camp, their arms were full of provisions, they were laughing. Of course, Katara wanted to know where they had found the money to buy all this stuff . The guys explained how Toph had used earthbending to scam one of those guys in town who moved the shells around all sneaky-like.

"Ah, so she cheated." The blue-eyed girl summarized disapprovingly.

"Hey, I only cheated because he was cheating. I cheated a cheater. What's wrong with that?"

"I'm just saying, this isn't something we should make a habit of doing." Katara tried to reason with them.

"Why ? Because its fun, and you hate fun ?" Toph accused, offending her friend who denied the accusation.

"Katara, I'll personally make you an Avatar promise that we won't make a habit of doing these scams." Aang solemnly bowed to her. Suddenly, Appa stood up and, grunting, looked at the sky. They all looked at him, wondering what was up with him, before looking up too. Someone was descending from the sky. They all beamed and screamed her name in joy when they recognized Chenlian and they all – except Toph who hadn't spent enough time with Chenlian yet – jumped on her, hugged and nuzzled her as soon as she landed, making her fall, piling on her. Appa too came on top, and so did Momo, the animals generously licking her face (the only thing that wasn't covered by the others). Chenlian was back! The whole gang had finally fully reunited!

She could tell just from that how much they had missed her, how glad and relieved they felt that she was back with them. She too was happy and relieved in a way to be back with them. She felt as if she had truly returned 'home', she felt a sense of belonging, that this was really her place after all... And it made her regret having ever left them, it made her regret having stayed in those catacombs. Although it was because she had stayed that she had been able to make her mind about Zuko. She had been to the end of that road and ascertained its impracticability. Now, she could fully dedicate herself to the Avatar, to them.

After a time, they agreed to let her breathe again and got off her. Chenlian sat up and they all offered her a hand to take. But she lowered her head, got on her knees and prostrated herself. She apologized for having selfishly abandonned them, and having made such disastrous errors of judgement that nearly cost Aang his life. The other children could tell how guilty she was feeling, and it pained them. She was not at fault! But the amber-eyed girl disagreed. Not only had she placed her trust in the wrong person, but she had been unable to stop his wrongdoings and even failed to protect Aang. She had also lost herself and instead of joining them, she had gotten herself captured. Even though she had promised to protect them... Because she had gone soft, because of those feelings, she had strayed, and let her guard down. And because of that, something irreparable nearly happened, something she would have never been able to atone for as a firebender, as Noble of the Fire Nation, and as their friend.

Aang, Sokka and Katara glanced at each other. Chenlian had always been the serious and responsible type, overly so, and one to take all the burden to herself. Her personality was certainly part of it, but that was also because she never had anyone with whom she could share the burden. They had tried to correct that, to become people she could rely on. But it was like just as she was starting to heal, her wounds had gone and become deeper than ever before. She had completely reverted back to the way she was before they met, no even worse than before. They sensed 'distance', 'withdrawal', and 'rejection'. She had drawn a line and erected a wall. They weren't here, and Zuko had betrayed her. She had to become stronger, all alone, and with that strength solely based on survival instinct, that needed neither 'friends' nor 'feelings', she had become just like a sword, a tool that only existed in order to accomplish its role. Chenlian was someone who could not live without a purpose but she had taken that to the extreme. So once more they were going to break that wall, build a bridge and heal her wounds. They had already done it once. They just had to do it again.

"I am at fault too." Aang said. "If I had triggered the Avatar State earlier, or better protected myself, we could have done something together, and things wouldn't have ended like this. And even after that, because I was comatose for weeks, I couldn't come back to get you... I also failed you."

"It's me. I wasn't strong enough and had to leave you alone to face those people." Katara added.

"While you were fighting, Toph and I were just escaping from jail with the Earth King. We couldn't come for you. Sorry we weren't here for you. And after the fall of Ba Sing Se we wanted to save you but didn't know how." Sokka spoke too. "You see, it's not just your fault, so don't try to bear everything alone." He crouched down and petted her head. Aang and Katara placed a comforting hand on each of her shoulder. "Besides, aren't you the one who always insisted that regrets were pointless and that people should concentrate on what they could do now?"

"They're right." A male voice surprised them. Ready to fight and protect Chenlian, the kids turned to the new-comer who was riding a mongoose-lizard. "How mean of you though to have gone on ahead without me."

"Calm down guys, that's Linshen Wang, an ally." The mahogany-haired girl took care of the introductions. The young man with long golden brown hair dismounted and bowed to the Avatar's party.