Disclaimer: I was soaring ever higher
Redux Two: Electric Boogaloo
Note: Part two of 'A Fearful Redux'
To neither of the pair's surprise, they stepped through the veil in the death chamber and exited from the veil in the death chamber, to both it felt as if going from one room to another.
Harry reflexively raised a shield to block the flying man some inconsiderate so and so had thrown in their general direction and then, seeing a familiar noseless annoyance, summoned every soul fragment from the general vicinity. The annoyance collapsed, a familiar boy dropped to the ground screaming and clutching his forehead, and at least two dozen more screaming clouds of black smoke came from all directions to be absorbed into his wand.
"How bout this," Harry whispered. "Say something like, my master demands the return of my wand, or just start out by calling it your wand and don't even bother introducing me."
"Could work," Luna allowed, whispering back. "We'll try that. It doesn't work, we'll burn this world to the ground and go on to the next."
"Works for me."
"I HAVE HAD IT!" Luna screamed, allowing her gaze to sweep over combatants. "I'M TIRED OF YOU LOT THROWING THINGS THROUGH MY DOOR." She took a deep calming breath. "Well, if you're not responsible enough to have it around then I'm taking it back." A flick of her wand shrunk the Veil of Death which then flew into her waiting hand. "You!" she let her glare fall on Dumbledore.
"Me?" the ancient wizard replied, thinking frantically for a way to appease the no doubt powerful being.
"I was willing to let you use it, but this has gone on long enough. I'm taking my wand back. Maybe I'll bring it back to this world in a couple of centuries after I calm down if I think you've learned your lesson." She snatched the death stick out of the old man's unresisting hands. "In fact, all of this." A wave of her wand shrunk and gathered everything from the department. "Is confiscated!"
An annoyed look still on her face, the little blonde grabbed her new boyfriend's had and stormed through the mob towards the nearest exit. The former combatants, death eater and order alike melting out of their way as they went.
"I can't believe that worked," Harry said after they had put sufficient distance between them and the Chamber of Death.
Luna shrugged. "Most magic users are stupid. I figured that out when I was nine and saw just how few people bought subscriptions to the Quibbler.
"Stop by Diagon to get supplies before finding a place to lay low?" Harry suggested with a raised eyebrow.
"Perfect," Luna agreed, taking his hand. Seconds later, both disappeared with a pop.
IIIIIIIIII
The shock at the Death Chamber didn't last long, breaking when the Order's top fighter noticed that some of her former opponents were trying to quietly slip away. It ended badly for them. What followed was a scene that brought to mind a hamster in a blender. For the surviving death eaters, it was a relief when the Aurors arrived to arrest them.
Amelia burst in, a dozen of her finest in tow and opened her mouth to demand surrender, only to have to immediately duck to avoid being hit by all the wands being thrown in her direction. Why in the, her eyes took in the scene, of course.
"Only the ones that haven't surrendered, Bella!" the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement reminded her friend of several decades. "Rest of them belong to me."
"Fine," the blood spattered woman huffed. "But only if I get fifteen minutes alone with that one." She indicated a particularly unfortunate death eater with a wave of her wand. "That one tried to knock my honey bunny through the veil."
"No deal," Amelia said instantly. "That one refused to surrender so you had no choice but to messily mur- defend yourself."
"Thanks, Amy!" Bellatrix cheered before giving another demonstration on why joining dark lords was such a bad idea.
"What are friends for, Bella," Amelia replied. What followed was a scene that would haunt the nightmares of many for years to come. The rest would be fortunate enough to be sentenced to death.
IIIIIIIIII
Luna and Harry arrived in Diagon and immediately set out to find the closest newsstand. Typical of the magical world, it simultaneously appeared odd, ancient, and ramshackle. Selection was great though, seemed to have every periodical printed in the country magical and non.
Luna bounced up to the counter with a wide grin on her face. "One copy of everything, my good man, I'd also like back issues."
"Yer gonna want an archive then," the man behind the counter said. "Regular has copies of every Prophet going back from the time you bought it, deluxe has a muggle paper included, ultra deluxe has just about everything I sell."
"We'll take two of the ultra deluxe," Harry replied. "The Quibbler included in that?"
"Interested in spell research?" the man's eyebrows went up. "Six galleons, ten for one that autoupdates."
"Two autoupdating as well," Luna chirped.
"Forty five galleons," the man said, expecting the couple to balk at the price. To his surprise, they did not and added a rather generous tip on top of the purchase price.
IIIIIIIIII
It took five minutes for Amelia to find someone able to find the Headmaster and another fifteen to get past his defenses to sober him up.
"What happened, Albus?" Amelia demanded.
"I made a great many mistakes culminating in a visit from Death, Amelia," Albus replied calmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to emptying Croaker's bar."
"I'm going to need more details than that, Albus."
"And you shall have them!" Dumbledore said grandly. "But first, I think I'll test the theory that I've been exposed to enough potions and alchemical compounds to make it virtually impossible to die from alcohol poisoning." The elderly wizard paused to make a selection, best to start with the top shelf and work his way down.
"Now, Albus," she growled.
The old wizard sighed. "We were here to prevent Voldemort from murdering a group of school children which in turn were here to prevent him from getting a prophecy. The fight was going well until Peter was thrown towards the veil. A young girl and her male companion stepped out of the veil, saving Peter's life, and defeated Voldemort." Albus decided to start with the armagnac. "She then expressed her displeasure at the fact that her veil had been used as a means of disposing of criminals by seizing it, the elder wand, and everything else in the Department of Mysteries."
"What?" Amelia said faintly.
"To summarize; Voldemort has once again been defeated, for good I suspect, and the Department of Mysteries no longer has any mysteries to research."
"And we're going to get sloppy drunk," Amelia stated. "This looks like a problem for someone else or, failing that, future Albus and future Amelia."
"Excellent idea," Albus cheered, pouring two glasses. "One small issue before we begin?"
"Yes?"
"Are we drinking to celebrate the fall of the Dark Lord or in an attempt to forget the fact that we have a dangerous aspect of reality wandering the streets of London?"
"Yes. Bottoms up!"
IIIIIIIIII
It didn't take long for the new couple to find a place to temporarily set up their new house. That done, they got to researching the differences between this new world and their original.
"I think I've found the point where this world changed," Harry said suddenly. "Bellatrix nee-Black made friends with." Harry frowned. "Selene Malfoy on the train."
Luna blinked slowly twice. "With mummy?"
"Your mother was Lucius Malfoy's younger sister?"
"I prefer to think that she was Lucius Malfoy's younger half sister due to the intervention of the milkman," Luna replied. "Failing infidelity on my grandmother's part, I like to think that one of them was adopted."
Harry shrugged. "Works for me. She met your mother on the train, Lucius arrived and introduced himself, likely with as much charm as Draco did to me, Bellatrix ended up in Hufflepuff."
Luna snorted. "You very nearly had me there."
"What?"
"Nice try, Harry, but I like to think that I'm fairly difficult to trick. Perhaps if you had said she ended up in Ravenclaw with mummy, but Hufflepuff?"
"Your mother did end up in Ravenclaw," Harry agreed. "But Bellatrix really did end up in Hufflepuff." He handed the newspaper over. "See?"
"I told the hat I didn't want to end up with a pathetic dick weasel like Lucius Malfoy, it put me in Hufflepuff," Luna quoted. "I . . . I suppose it makes sense," she continued, sounding unsure of herself. "Bellatrix was known as the most loyal of the asshole's followers." To Harry's intense disappointment, Luna was not surprised to find that the article was an interview of Hufflepuff's newest head of house."
"I'm assuming that nobody calls Puffs duffers in this world," Harry said thoughtfully.
"It says here that Bellatrix is considered to be the greatest hero the light produced last war with an unrivaled record for success," Luna continued. "She's responsible for the deaths of more death eaters than everyone else combined, she's indirectly responsible for more captures than everyone else combined."
"People heard about her and turned themselves in rather than face her?" Harry guessed.
Luna nodded in agreement. "She defeated the dark lord in a duel when he tried to capture her husband to make him spill your parents' location."
Harry threw up a bit in his mouth, he hoped Sirius hadn't decided to continue the proud family tradition. "Blacks keeping it in the family?"
"You didn't notice the last name in the article?"
"Stopped reading after the bit about your mum."
"She married her Hogwarts Sweetheart, Peter Pettigrew."
"What?"
"Says here he splits his time between caring for their six children and hanging out with his good friends James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin."
"You're . . . what?"
"The paper notes that Bellatrix is the most successful defense professor in Hogwarts' history in terms of student test scores." Luna cleared her throat. "My secret is to teach the kids to be dangerous enough to scare the proctors, scared proctors don't give low grades if they know what's good for them. That's a direct quote by the way."
The young couple stared at each other in awkward silence for a few moments, each overwhelmed by what they'd just heard.
"Luna, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"That none of this makes any sense so we should loot it and leave this world for another one?" Luna chirped.
"Oh. Yeah, that works too."
"What were you pondering?"
"The fact that it's been a few hours since we last ate." Harry scratched his chin. "But like I said, yours works too."
"Why don't we discuss it over lunch. Have you ever been to a curry shop?"
"Nope, Vernon didn't approve of foreign food."
"So you want to go?"
"More now since I remembered how much Vernon disapproved of it."
The curry was everything Harry dreamed it would be, something Vernon would have been sick at the smell of, he immediately decided it was one of his new favorite foods. He finished his serving and noted that his new girlfriend had not touched hers in favor of staring over his shoulder in wide eyed shock.
Harry looked. It was some show about people in spandex, some of whom wore underwear on the outside of their clothing. He could see why Luna had been so distracted, it was odd as hell and . . . he looked closer, a news broadcast.
"Do you suppose that's real?" Harry asked, shocking Luna back to reality.
"I believe so." Luna grinned. "Perhaps we were a bit too hasty when we decided to loot this world and find another."
"News report says this is taking place in America," Harry said, as if that explained everything. "You're right, no reason we should jump worlds when we can just jump oceans."
"Probably witches and wizards having a lark in the muggle world," Luna mused.
"Certainly have the dress sense," Harry agreed. "Kinda looks like fun, doesn't it?"
"Shall we go the magical way or the muggle way?"
"Likely easier to get out of the country the muggle way," Harry mused. "Magical might be keeping a look out for the people who robbed a number of people and institutions."
"You don't think we have enough gold already?" she asked, curious to hear his answer.
"It's not that we don't have enough, it's that they have too much."
"True," Luna giggled. "Who should we target first?"
"Same people we always target first, Luna. Malfoy and Fudge!"
To the pair's intense disappointment, they could not carry out their plans to rob the Malfoy family or Cornelius Fudge. Bellatrix Pettigrew had beaten them to it and all the other targets worth hitting. It had apparently been one of her favored tactics in the war to rob and burn the houses of the dark lord's supporters. Where as the dark lord had been well funded and supported by a cadre of trained killers in their original world, in this one he'd been on a shoe string and supported by whomever he could rook into joining his cause after Bellatrix had disposed of his gang of trained killers. It was galling to think that the existential threat they'd faced had been reduced to a major annoyance due to the actions of one crazy woman.
"We could rob her," Harry suggested, not too enthused by the idea.
"Leaving aside the fact that it would be a horrible idea to do so, the article says she gave it all to charity. Hogwarts has new brooms, there's a scholarship fund that covers every student's tuition and school things, St. Mungo's has a new wing named after her and two more under construction."
"Guess our work here is done then," Harry said proudly.
"Having other people do it for you before you even arrive is the best way to do things," Luna agreed. "Shall we pack up?"
"I believe we shall, my dear, I believe we shall."
IIIIIIIIII
The Minister nodded gravely as she listened to Hogwarts' Headmaster and her Director of Magical Law Enforcement give their report on exactly what had happened in the Department of Mysteries.
"So the Dark Annoyance came back. He going to be a problem?"
"I believe our new guests have dealt with that issue," Dumbledore said, wishing the woman hadn't said it so loud. He'd drunk so much the day before that hangover potions didn't do more than take the edge off. He glared at the woman next to him wondering what dark magic had allowed her to avoid his fate.
"And you believe that the two guests were death and?"
"We're not sure who the second individual is," Amelia said brightly, feeling better than she had in a while. "Likely another higher being or aspect of reality."
"I see." The Minister contemplated her next move. Mind made up, she thumbed the button on her intercom. "Mark, send in the Deputy Minister."
Minutes later, the Deputy Minister walked into the office with a dumb look on his face. "What's up, Lils?"
Like a jungle cat, the Minister leapt over her desk and slapped her husband on the shoulder. "Tag, you're it, chump!"
"What?"
"This is your problem now, James." She dodged past him and ran out of the room. "See you at dinner. No tag backs!"
IIIIIIIIII
Harry's hand went to his wand when he and Luna were separated from the rest of the arrivals and hustled into a windowless room. Harry didn't like to be treated differently from everyone else, in his experience it meant someone was about to try to kill him.
A man in a funny blue uniform greeted them as the came in. "Welcome to United States of America."
"Some reason for the special treatment?" Harry asked, trying to decide if he should just kill the man or take some time to interrogate him first.
"This is the magical side of customs, you two are able to use magic aren't you?"
Luna perked up. "We weren't aware there was a magical side of customs here. Do you use a different form from the other side?"
"Nope, questions are pretty much the same. Do you have any agricultural products, are you bringing in a large number of things with intent to sell them, it's all on your form."
Harry nodded, relaxing a hair.
"We have a large amount of gold we'll need to change to whatever is used locally," Luna said cheerfully. "Nothing but personal items other than that."
"Purpose of your visit?"
"We saw the most lovely news program in which people dressed in spandex were shooting fire out of their hands." Luna clapped her hands. "It looked so fun that we just had to try it."
"In that case you'll both need to fill out standard form thirty two." His hand reached under the table and produced two papers and two pamphlets. "Put down your super hero names if you've decided them, leave it blank otherwise. Be sure to read the pamphlets so you know the rules. Big one is that you need to claim that most of the rest of magical society went to another dimension or something if you decide to be magic themed."
"We came here from another dimension," Luna volunteered.
"That works too," the customs agent agreed. "Big thing is to deny that there's any secret magical society in this dimension if anyone asks. Not a big deal if you slip up, just be sure to report it to the hotline number in the pamphlet."
They completed their forms and got their passports stamped.
"Enjoy your stay until you decide to hop dimensions again," he joked, throwing them both a wink.
"We will," Luna promised. "Come on, Harry, we need to change our gold and find our hotel."
"Where are you staying?" the customs agent asked.
"Whatever place is the most luxurious," Harry replied.
"You can change your gold outside and to the left, there's an information booth next to that where you can get a recommendation for a hotel."
"Thank you, do have a good day."
"You as well."
The first thing the new couple did was exchange a couple dozen kilograms of gold for its nonmagical US equivalent, the next they did was follow the customs agent's advice and within an hour they found themselves in their new suite.
Harry looked around in satisfaction, it oozed luxury, it was exactly what he'd been hoping for. "Order room service or take a nap?"
"I was hoping to christen the room unless you're too tired or hungry?"
He was not and so they did. Repeatedly and with all the enthusiasm a young new couple could muster. Room service was ordered and the two fell onto the bed in the type of sleep that can only be earned by hard physical activity.
Harry awoke late the next morning to find two Lunas play a game of chess against each other while a third watched intently.
"I believe that's mate," Left Luna stated. Silently, the other two squinted at the board for a few seconds before nodding and fading away.
"Thought we agreed to wake each other up if we had nightmares?" Harry asked, a bit hurt.
"I didn't have a nightmare," Luna chirped. "I had an idea! That idea was so good that I couldn't sleep and I figured, why not have a couple games of chess and talk it out."
"Oh."
"They had several suggestions as well," Luna said brightly. "We're almost overwhelmed with potential costumes."
"Such as?"
Luna pulled out a sketch book. The first one was a male figure in a black bodysuit wearing a white skull mask with white crossbones on. "Lord Death," Luna stated. "Consort to Queen Evil."
"It's . . . um . . . not exactly what I was expecting," Harry admitted.
"But if you don't wear that one, I won't have an excuse to wear the Queen Evil costume on the next page."
Harry looked, the Queen Evil costume required significantly less fabric than the Lord Death Costume. "NO! I mean, I want you to wear that, but I thought we were going to be heroes?"
"Turns out all the heroes and villains are in mostly exclusive relationship though it seems that especially close heroes or villains will swap antagonists sometimes."
"I'm . . . uh . . . not interested in doing that," Harry stammered.
"Nor am I," Luna agreed. "For one thing our relationship is much too new to introduce that sort of thing. For another I have very little interest in engaging in casual sexual relationships. For a third I'm a bit territorial. I had to watch Ginny take you away from me, I will not anyone else to so much as borrow you for any amount of time."
"I feel the same," Harry said simply.
"Wonderful. So I thought we could take turns being hero and villain."
"Sounds good to me," Harry agreed. "But-"
"Yes?"
"Could we save Lord Death and Queen Evil for our private times?"
"Jealous?" she asked curiously.
"Extraordinarily," he agreed.
"Oh." She looked quite pleased by the pronouncement. "Turn to the next page."
"Isn't this just us in our normal clothing?"
"No. It's us in our normal clothing with domino masks." Luna beamed at him. "We figured it would be much more comfortable than spandex."
"I think you figured correctly," Harry agreed. "Why don't we save the spandex for when we're alone."
Luna giggled. "Alright. Do you have any thoughts on your villain name?"
"The Malicious Mage?"
"And the Sadistic Sorceress," Luna agreed. "We thought up something special for the hero uniforms."
"Isn't this just the same thing as our villain outfits?"
"Of course not, the masks are different colors," Luna said airily.
Harry squinted. "What color is that?"
"Octarine, the color of magic. We'll also be using different powers."
"What did you have in mind?"
Luna handed over a newspaper, on the front page was a masked man with a glowing green fist coming out of his ring. "Apparently there are several 'lanterns' here which have rings that can create any hard light objects they can imagine. We are fortunate in that there are, or rather were, two large chunks of solidified magic among the items we looted from the Departments of Mysteries."
"Hard magic?"
"For lack of a better term," Luna agreed.
The two stared at each other for several moments until Harry sighed. "What is hard magic?"
"Well, as I understand it, magic sometimes collects in places and is then put under extreme pressure until it solidifies."
"I see."
"I was able to get it shaped into lanterns and rings due to the results of a wager on a friendly game of chess."
"So we'll be magical lanterns?" Harry asked cautiously.
"Octarine lanterns," Luna clarified. "They go by color."
"Oh."
"But the muggles will perceive it as something else," Luna continued. "It would normally be imperceptible to muggles except when their eyes were closed, but Magic didn't like the thought of people thinking we were colorless lanterns and Death agreed."
"I suppose that makes sense," Harry murmured, still not sure how he felt at the fact that his girlfriend regularly consorted with aspects of reality. Best to mind his own business, he decided, unless Fate decided to show up. He had a bone to pick with Fate.
"It's only due to Magic being so fond of you that this is even possible. She said that she wouldn't do this for just anyone."
"Remind me to thank her the next time she visits," Harry requested.
"Of course." Luna beamed at him. "If you don't mind, I was hoping we could move to another city before we debuted."
Harry shrugged, he didn't care. "Okay, why?"
"It seems the hero here in Gotham is apparently quite promiscuous, which isn't a problem, I like to consider myself an open minded sort," Luna rambled.
"So what is the problem?"
"Rumor has it that he's also quite insistent that anyone who comes to 'his city' should play by his rules."
"Pushy type, huh, the sort that won't take no for an answer?"
"If my information is correct."
"I guess going to another city is easier than repeatedly breaking his legs until he learns that I'm not interested in sharing my girlfriend," Harry smiled at her.
"Or repeatedly breaking his arms to teach him to keep his hands away from my boyfriend," Luna smiled back.
"Did you have a city in mind?"
"I do not have a preference," Luna stated. "Though I will note that we are not too far from Metropolis."
"How's the hero there?"
"Reputed to be much more relaxed about things. Happy to join anyone who shows up, but willing to take no for an answer."
"Sounds good," Harry agreed. "Shall we get planning?"
"I was hoping we could rechristen the room first," Luna said shyly.
"Brilliant thinking like that is what made me fall for you."
IIIIIIIIII
The Vice Minister of Magic didn't know what to do. He didn't see how things could be worse. Two aspects of reality were wandering around the world, worse, they'd apparently decided to leave the country to become costumed heroes. While he'd have normally applauded the fact that they left his area of responsibility, he was a bit concerned about the fact that they might decide to destroy the world. He liked the world, it was where his family was.
With a sigh, he activated his intercom. "Mark, send in the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, please." There was no way he could solve a situation this complex on his own. What this called for was a team of the top minds in the magical world, people dedicated to their job and country.
"What's up, James?" the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister asked as he walked into the Minister's office.
The Vice Minister stood up with a sigh. "Afraid we've got a situation, Sirius."
"What sort of situation?" Sirius Black, the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic asked seriously.
"Two aspects of reality, we're thinking Death and Magic, came through the veil. The good news is that they defeated the dark annoyance, possibly for good this time."
"What's the bad news?" Sirius asked, bracing himself for the worst.
The Vice Minister slapped the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic on the shoulder. "The fact that it's your problem now!" James laughed, darting past his best friend and into the outer office to make his escape. "No tag backs!"
IIIIIIIIII
Harry waited patiently for the next available window. He looked around, marble floors, Greek columns, he was going to enjoy robbing this place. Cab driver hadn't steered him wrong when he'd brought him here after being asked to go to the nicest bank in Metropolis.
"Next customer," the man at the window called out.
Harry stepped forward.
"What can I do for you, sir?" the cashier asked with a professional smile.
"I was hoping you could direct me to the person I need to speak with," Harry replied.
"Yes?" he prompted.
"Well, I was hoping to come back in costume later to rob the place and I wanted to know how it works. Do I just make a deposit or is there some sort of fee involved?"
"Let me get my manager," the cashier said, smile now frozen. "To be clear, you're not robbing the bank now?"
"Of course not," Harry laughed. "Be rude to just show up and expect you to accommodate me without any prior arrangement."
It took a couple minutes for the manager to understand Harry's request, and more importantly just how much he was willing to spend to make it happen, but when she did a wide smile bloomed on her face.
"So this is for a movie?" she asked eagerly, having always wanted to appear in pictures.
"Of course," Harry replied, liking the idea of getting their first real date immortalized. "We'll have to find a suitable crew first, of course."
"Of course," she echoed.
"But that shouldn't be too hard. I'm just here today to find out what you need to make this happen."
"I'll have to speak with upper management before I can give you a definite answer," she mused. "Legal will almost certainly need to be involved as well."
"I'll have my solicitors contact the bank and we can let them speak with each other," Harry agreed.
"I'll be sure they get connected."
Harry rose to leave. "I'm staying in the penthouse suite at the Grand Metropolis. I can be reached there if you need me."
"Sounds good. It was a pleasure, Mr. Potter."
"It was, Ms. Grace."
IIIIIIIIII
The Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic chuckled as he contemplated the problem before him. The Vice Minister had agonized for days over it, spent countless hours trying to think of a solution without any success. Another sign he was superior to the Vice Minister, the Senior Undersecretary thought to himself.
"Mark, send in the Director of Magical Law Enforcement, please." The Senior Undersecretary to the Minister shook his head, a smirk on his face, he'd show the Vice Minister how things should have been handled in the first place.
"Um, sir."
"Yes, Mark?"
"She wanted me to tell you that if you try to slap her on the shoulder to make it her problem, that you may as well castrate yourself because you're never going to get a chance to use your bits with her again."
"Oh." The Senior Undersecretary contemplated the threat his girlfriend had made. "In that case, send in the Director of Foreign Magical Relations."
"Right away, sir."
The Director of Foreign Magical Relations appeared a few minutes later, ready do do his duty. "What do you need, Sirius?"
"We've got a serious problem, mate."
"I've heard," Remus said dryly. "Two aspects of reality wandering around. It's all over the Ministry."
"Good." Sirius attempted to slap his friend on the shoulder only to miss when the man dodged out of the way.
"Nice try, idiot!" the Director of Foreign Magical Relations crowed, made a rude gesture, and attempted to exit the office at a high rate of speed. Attempted rather than successful due to the charm the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic had put on the door frame before calling him in.
"Planning ahead, mate, the ability to do that is why I'm the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic and you're just the Director of Foreign Magical Relations."
'I thought it was because we pulled our positions out of a hat,' Remus' frozen eyes seemed to say back.
"You'd know better if you had my planning skills," Sirius replied, years of friendship allowing him to understand what his silent friend was trying to convey. "As I was saying." He slapped the other man on the shoulder. "Your problem now. No tag backs, chump."
With that, he calmly strolled out of the office, pausing only to rifle through his friend's pockets for beer money before he made his escape.
IIIIIIIIII
Kara hovered above her cousin's city, eyes alert, ears straining for a cry of distress, every fiber of her being dedicated to keeping the population safe. Kal was on a date on the other side of the world and had entrusted his home to her until his return.
Her ears detected the sound of a silent alarm. One of the city's most prominent banks was being robbed. Moments later she was flying towards the alarm and what sounded like an epic super dual.
For a second, the girl paused. Two super powered individual were engaged in a duel of mammoth proportions. One masked individual was dressed in a fairly casual outfit and wielding a wand, indicating that he was likely a magic user of some sort. The other masked individual was also dressed in fairly causal comfortable looking clothing, the glowing ring on her finger seemed to indicate she was some sort of Lantern.
Kara squinted at the ring, her mind refused to give it a color, it was like the object couldn't decide what color it wanted to be.
"Purple?" the girl said uncertainly. To her relief, the ring and the constructs' color solidified and became much easier to see after she'd made her identification. Now then, which one was the hero and which was the villain?"
"Foolish Octarine Lantern!" the magic user yelled, striking a pose. "Did you think that you could overcome me? Me! The Malicious Mage! Even without my partner, the lovely Sadistic Sorceress, the most beautiful woman in existence, you stand no chance against the might of the Master of Death!"
"Ha!" the ring user laughed. "You think that just because my partner, the handsome Octarine Lantern, lantern isn't here that you stand a chance against me? What you don't realize is that I'm normally distracted by carnal thoughts while in his presence. Do you know what that means?"
"No!" the Malicious Mage said nervously, apparently having an idea of what it meant.
"Yes!" the Octarine Lantern said victoriously. "I'm able to use my powers much more effectively without being distracted by thoughts of how much I want to ravish him tonight when we get back to the hotel."
Oddly, the look on the Malicious Mage's face flashed from fear to eager anticipation for a split second. Kara shook it off, must have been her imagination.
"Now surrender, Malicious Mage, and allow the authorities to place you under arrest!" the ring user demanded. "Or I will have no choice but to use violence."
"You have already used violence, Octarine Lantern," the Malicious Mage pointed out.
"You thought that was violence?" The ring user leaned back and gave a great bellowing laugh. "I have not yet begun to use violence."
"Never!"
Well, that established the good guy and the bad guy to her satisfaction, Kara reflected to herself. Best to help nab the new villain before he had a chance to cause too much property damage.
Be good to have a girl her age in the league, Kara reflected to herself, figuring the new hero would jump at the chance to join. Most of the women in the league were quite a bit older and, while nice to have around, weren't exactly the best people to go to if she wanted to talk about non-super hero related subjects.
Kara wasn't sure what happened. One minute she was flying towards the newest villain, fist outstretched, the next she was skipping across the wave tops of the Atlantic ocean at close to the speed of sound.
IIIIIIIIII
The Director of Foreign Magical Relations gritted his teeth. He'd been frozen in the threshold to the Minister's office for hours. Aware, awake, and unable to urinate. It had been pure torture. He didn't blame the Minister's secretary for ignoring his plight, having absolutely nothing to do with the antics of the Minister and her senior staff had been the main demand made by the Union of Ministry Employees at the last contract negotiation.
No, his blame was placed solely on the person most responsible for his plight. His wife for not noticing the fact that he hadn't come home and, subsequently, not coming in to rescue him. That was iron clad logic, incontrovertible to anyone who chose to think seriously about the matter. Remus took a moment to consider his wife's likely reaction to the accusation and decided to switch the blame to Sirius. For one, logic had never been one of Narcissa's strong points. For two, she was always happy to blame things on her cousin.
IIIIIIIIII
Kara was woozy as she flew back to Metropolis. She felt like she'd run through the spin cycle a dozen times, she felt airsick, she felt absolutely miserable. What in the world had happened.
As it happened, that was the same question her cousin asked when he met her at the coast line after he'd assured himself that she hadn't been injured. She told him about the confrontation between the two powered individuals.
"Then what happened?"
"I'm not sure," she admitted. "The world started spinning and I found myself skipping like a rock across the tops of the waves half way to Europe."
"Go get some sleep," he suggested. "I'll try to have an answer for you when you wake up."
IIIIIIIIII
The Director of Foreign Magical Relations was still blocking the entrance to the Minister's private office when she arrived the next morning.
"I'll release you on the condition that you can't make this my problem again if I do," the Minister offered. She stared at him for a few seconds. "I'll take your silence as consent."
"Thank you, Minister, now if you'll excuse me." Remus ran towards the nearest water closet to drain his bladder before biology forced him to disgrace his position. Problem one solved, that left problem two. Who to dump things on? A smile formed on the man's face. Now where would the Deputy Minister be that time of the morning?
IIIIIIIIII
True to Kal's word, they did have answers for Kara when she woke up. None of them made a bit of sense the first time she heard them, but she had high hopes they'd start to after she finished her first cup of coffee.
"One more time," she requested. "They're what?"
"A very wealthy couple that decided to plan a theme date around committing and foiling a bank robbery," Kal explained. "They filed the proper permits and everything."
"How'd they get their powers?"
"That's something the league is still exploring," Kal replied. "We can discuss it after we've answered all your questions."
"I have one more," Kara stated. "What exactly happened to me."
"Ah." Kal smiled. "That's an easy one." He directed her attention to the view screen. She watched as the figure that had identified himself as 'the Malicious Mage' robbed the bank, she watched the arrival of the Octarine Lantern, she watched them fight, she watched them monologue, she saw her own entrance.
A massive glowing purple hand wrapped around her body and threw her towards the ocean like a baseball. "TAKEN!" the Octarine Lantern said forcefully.
"Guess that explains that," Kara said weakly.
"We were able to determine why she said that after talking to the crowd." Kal coughed into his hand. "They're under the impression that . . . uh . . . they think the fights between super heroes and super villains are . . . uh . . ."
"Yes?" Kara prompted.
"Sex games," Kal said with obvious reluctance. "They thought you were trying to join in and-"
"And she got jealous," Kara laughed. "They seriously think that you and Lex?" Kara lost the battle and began giggling.
"So it seems."
"And Batman and the Joker?"
"Apparently, they chose Metropolis over Gotham due to Batman's reputation for promiscuity and his refusal to let anyone do anything in 'his' city without his involvement and approval."
"Oh god!" Kara couldn't speak she was laughing so hard.
Kal was good enough to wait until she'd laughed herself out, only a twitch at the corner of his mouth indicated that he found any amusement in the situation.
"Has." Kara wiped the tears out of the corners of her eyes. "Has the league made any plans to contact them? I imagine they'd be good assets to have after we manage to correct their misconceptions about heroes and villains."
"We were initially going to ask one of the lanterns to make contact until they stated definitely that there were not any purple lanterns."
"She didn't call herself a purple lantern, she called herself an octarine lantern."
"Yes, fortunately Zatana was on hand to clear things up. She isn't a purple lantern, she's an octarine lantern."
"Yes, we just established that."
"According to Zatana, we shouldn't even be able to perceive any color at all from the lantern. She originally assumed it was an odd quirk of our Kryptonian physiology that allowed us to see anything a all before she saw that the witnesses all saw a purple lantern as well. She now thinks that the octarine decided to pretend to be purple so regular people could see what was happening."
"She thinks the color decided to do something?"
"Magic is involved."
"Oh." Kara blinked. "So Zatana is going to be making contact?"
"She's going to be on the team along with Wonder Woman and Doctor Fate," Kal agreed. "They were hoping you'd join them."
"Why me?"
"Short as it was, you're the only one that's had any contact with them."
AN: I kinda want to write the fic in which Bella is the light's greatest hero. A hero who saves the day via a combination of violence, dark magic, violence, insanity, violence, extreme sadism, and violence. Seems like it could be fun, best let it percolate in the back of my mind for a bit. Any luck it'll go away on its own.
Typos by Sheylenna
Octarine Lantern Corps by Jonn Wolfe
Normal Clothes as a super outfit by Musings of Apathy
The Octarine Lantern Corps Oath
By The Plot Mechanic
In weirdest day, in strangest night
We wave our wands to set things right
Let those who worship bad & mean
Be shown the light in Octarine!
For the record, octarine is "a fluorescent greenish yellow-purple".
Omake for Unfettered Odd Ideas #186
Omake *Pour One Out for Auror Jones* by Delathen
*Pour One Out for Auror Jones*
Amelia sighed as the door to her office closed behind the soon-to-be-former Minister of Magic.
Jones's file on the misdeeds of many "respected pillars of pureblood society" had been extensive, they had been detailed, and most damningly they were irrefutable once she had managed an uninterrupted interview with a few of the especially notable nefarious ne'er-do-wells on his list.
The incident that had prompted Cornelius Fudge to storm into her office was the arrest of one Lucius Malfoy, "former" Death Eater and very much active practitioner of the Dark Arts. The nature of his particular listening charm on her office had earned her a front row seat to the most astonishing display of vulgarity and creative (non-magical) cursing she had ever witnessed from the independent Curse Breaker she had hired.
Learning that Draco Malfoy was not Lucius's only child was a mild non-surprise, given the proclivities of a number of Death Eaters during the war. Learning that his firstborn child had been a brown-haired little girl with a proclivity for sweets that had gone missing the day before her seventh birthday and used to fuel a ritual to give him an uninterrupted view into her office was rather more distressing.
The fact that her hand-picked team (of loyal muggleborn and half-bloods – she could learn from Jones) swiftly located her skull in Lucius's office once they knew what to look for had left none of them feeling particularly charitable towards the insufferable peacock, and one of them "accidentally" treading on his cane and leaving him with a broken wand earned nothing more than a mild "perhaps, Lord Malfoy, when you are asked to surrender your wand, you ought not include the incidentals."
Minister Fudge had attempted to have Amelia release his primary financial backer and found that the usual fixed mien of professional distance she usually treated him with transformed into a stone wall of resoluteness. Lucius Malfoy would stand trial, Cornelius Fudge would not be participating anywhere except the witness stand, and if he were uncomfortable with this arrangement, she would be happy to arrange a room next to Lucius for him to wait in.
Fudge slamming her door brought her the first uninterrupted time to herself she had had in four days. The value of ripe information spoils quickly, and already she knew she was going to miss a few of the lesser targets that Jones had pointed out to her, the leaks in her department letting warnings out that meant she was going to need to clean house as soon as she had secured convictions and transfers to Azkaban for the worst of the worst.
And wasn't that the rub. The knowledge that if Jones had revealed the truth of his "corruption" even a few years earlier she might well have missed the chance to capitalize on as successfully as she had – to say nothing of the fact that she might well have treated his confession as some hare-brained scheme to avoid punishment.
Amelia Bones hated Auror Jones. He was unquestioningly corrupt – after all, he had disappeared from her bedroom never to be seen again, probably enjoying a quiet retirement under the best wards his moderate fortune of bribes, extortion, and blackmail payments could buy.
But he was corrupt in a way that brought a greater chance of long-term stability and peace for Wizarding Britain than anything Amelia had thought possible. Blackmail on politicians, clear evidence (neatly filed in the appropriate sections in Evidence with dates, times, individuals, and photographs) stretching for nearly a decade on everyone who had stepped foot in Knockturn Alley in that time, and somehow the only possible evidence of the Dark Lord's depravities that could possibly make her fear the bastard even more.
Oh yes, learning that Voldemort was not dead was a shock never to be forgotten. Especially when the mere mention of "horcrux" to that Curse Breaker had nearly gotten her killed as every wand in the room was pointed at her in a flash and a barking demand for what she knew about the "darkest of dark devices."
And the look on their faces when she described that three of them were already destroyed, the locations of three more were known, and the possibility of a seventh somehow made the mood even drearier. Apparently, no one, in all of history, had ever even contemplated making more than one of the damn things.
To say that she had the support she needed to break the taps on her office was putting it lightly.
And so, Amelia Bones admired Auror Jones. She had no idea how he had learned half the things he did, and frankly wasn't sure she wanted to twist her brain into the pretzel required to understand. A careful reread of his file found her cursing her predecessors more than once, and an unexpected well-spring of pity and sympathy for the revenge-hungry man. She had lost her brother and step-sister to Death Eaters. He had lost his whole world, and not even allowed the courtesy of giving them a funeral by the very Ministry he later joined to work for. No wonder he never had an ounce of respect for her, or anyone in the building.
And finally, Amelia Bones was frustrated with Auror Jones. She knew he was still alive – the unsigned postcard of a glacier in Nova Scotia was too cheeky to come from anyone else – but he had arranged his disappearance too perfectly for anyone, anywhere to believe that she hadn't finally lost her patience and strapped him down, rammed Veritaserum down his throat, and disposed of him before moving on her primary political opponents. It had granted her a terrifying reputation she very much did not enjoy, but allowed her to get away with tossing the Minister of Magic out on his ear with every expectation of getting her way.
She raised a tumbler of fire whiskey, took a quick sip, and then tilted the liquid to the rim.
"Damn you. Here's one to you, Auror Jones."
*splash*