Fight 60: Love is a battle

Following the trip to the Sun Warriors' island where the Masters had graced Chenlian and retrieved Guang, her relationship with Zuko seemed to have been on the mend for a (short) time ... until she once again distanced herself from him. Like she had been so happy she had forgotten her grudge for a time, before coming back to her senses. She resented the weakness of her own heart that seemed to forget and forgive, to be swayed so easily... the weakness of her own heart that still wanted to be with Zuko despite everything. She was happy that Guang was still there... but all the more, she was not allowed to let her guard down. She should not forget how she had lost him in the first place. She should be careful not to make the same mistakes.

Zuko, on the other hand, had found renewed hope in that improvement, as momentary as it had been, and was in hot pursuit. As he had tasted sweetness again and seen the light at the end of the tunnel, of course, that had encouraged and strengthened him, and he spared no effort in his reconquest... or rather in his conquest? Since back then they had naturally fallen for each other and she had simply accepted him, now it was actually his first time making efforts to win her over. In face of such determination, the 'enemy', despite a cold and hostile front, was actually in a confused state as indicated by the weaknesses she would unwittingly show... Though she agreed to train together with him, the girl would leave as soon as he would talk too much or try to court her. No, but even though Chenlian was confused and seemed to be swaying, she still showed remarkable resistance... as expected of someone as used to fighting as she was. Winning her back was certainly going to prove bone-breaking... in the literal sense? But Zuko here was seriously relentless... She was holding quite well for the time being, but how long was that going to last? Will Chenlian fall first? Will Zuko renounce first? It was a battle of attrition...

...Or so the bystanders, Teo, Haru, and The Duke implied in their comments. Zuko really wasn't giving up. They could tell that he was really desperate. But they still had mixed feelings, notably the two older ones. In hope of winning them over, Katara had told them about the situation. Zuko had betrayed Chenlian and found a new girlfriend while letting her rot in prison, and now that he wanted to join the Avatar, he was trying to get back with her? That was really underhanded. Naturally, they agreed with her. They could see the Fire Nation prince was being sincere, that he had gone through a lot and he truly loved her and regretted what he had done... but still...

"It doesn't matter what we or anyone feels. In the end, it's a matter between Chenlian and Zuko. It all rests on his efforts, and her decision... whether she resists and maintains the separation, or she accepts to give him another chance despite everything..." Teo spoke, his eyes fixed on the two firebenders as once more the prince was chasing after the mahogany-haired girl.

"Are you really alright with it?" Haru questioned. After all he had realized that Teo too was rather fond of Chenlian.

"When I met her, I could tell she had been deeply wounded... and still, she would always act for others. But whenever I saw her smile, I thought that I wanted her to be happy. So I will always support her, whatever her choice might be. If she's happy with someone else, then so be it. Besides, getting between those two is impossible for me, or anyone else for that matter I think. There's something between them... something that keeps drawing them, even if everything else separates them, even if they themselves try to get away from each other. As proof, they still loved each other even after all that happened, even after they tried their best to reject the other. Who could fight something like that...?" He smiled, closing his eyes. But he still went to block Zuko. After all, even if those two did end up together, it just wouldn't be right for Zuko to have her back so easily after everything. As long as Chenlian rejected that prince, Teo would gladly help her... and test him in the same time... He stared at him in a 'you should stop bothering her' way. In his eyes, there was also resentment for having hurt Chenlian, and disdain, that he lacked judgement and didn't choose her. And then, Teo went after Chenlian to talk, comfort her, and help her relax, take her mind off things.

This morning, Aang was training his earthbending with Toph, for according to her, though he had achieved good results, he was still a far cry from being called a master. He still needed some work. His training ratio for a day was between 30 to 40% earthbending and 60 to 70% firebending. Still, while they were very pressed by time, considering that previous avatars spent years to master each discipline, Aang's level was really quite high, reaching this degree of mastery in just a few months... Haru had also decided to join their practice.

Sokka who wanted to get stronger too, sought opponents to practice his... swordbending. The two other sword users in the group were Chenlian and Zuko. He went to Chenlian. Master Piandao had told him to become strong enough to protect her. He also hoped to get back in her good graces by spending time with her. She had treated him more coldly too since he tended to be on Zuko's side and push for a reconcialition. Guess he hadn't given her feelings enough consideration. Did they also think "It's Chenlian so it'll be fine, she's strong and forgiving."...? Even Aang had been affected.

However, Chenlian refused him saying "I haven't fallen so low as to bully the weak." Kuh... as expected of a master swordwoman, she had cut him down in a single strike. No, it had been too reckless of him to challenge Chenlian right off the bat. He should level up progressively and start with an easier opponent. So he headed for Zuko... who turned him down as well.

"Don't call it swordbending, that's not even a real word. And I think I'm a little past your level, Sokka. Why don't you go practice with The Duke or something?"

"The Duke?! But he's, like, eight-years-old!"

"He should be a good match for you then." The prince dismissed him. That left Sokka no choice but to challenge him to a swordbending kai. Zuko refused again at first, but then, faced with Sokka's dejected puppy eyes, he folded. "However, honor demands that I accept your challenge." He sighed. The Water Tribe warrior cheered. Emboldened by his success, Sokka wanted to hold a tournament between swordbenders and fellow Piandao disciples. With support, he might convince Chenlian. And indeed, everyone helped persuade her. Katara thought it would be good for her to vent her stress and assert her superiority. Toph was all for it too, the more participants, the longer the fun. Teo wanted to see more of her prowesses. Aang though was worried as he recalled last time they had driven Chenlian to fight. He agreed to the tournament but was very insistent on playing it safe and light.

A moment later, everyone gathered on another platform where a ring was made. Zuko and Sokka were facing each other, swords in hand. The Avatar was the referee.

"Don't get your hopes up Sokka. I started training with Master Piandao when I was just a kid, so I think I can take on a beginner like you..." The Fire Nation man bragged. Once more, the monk urged them to have a good, clean swordbending match. "There's no such thing!" Zuko told him.

"So you think you're hot stuff?!" Sokka also sounded quite confident. But while he had certainly done well during the invasion, he still shouldn't compare common soldiers to the prince. Aang whistled and the duel began. Katara cheered for her brother, and Toph for Zuko. Chenlian simply watched, her arms and legs crossed. Zuko blocked the first strike and evaded the next. He swung. Sokka managed to avoid it but he had been thrown off balance. He fell on his back. Naturally, Aang declared Zuko the victor.

"Like I said, don't get your hopes up." The Fire Nation royal smirked. The Water Tribe youth demanded a rematch now. But the referee said it was Chenlian's turn to fight.

"It's fine, let them go at it until he's satisfied." The amber-eyed girl waived. So the boys had a rematch, and another, all won by Zuko who advised his opponent to give up. But of course, Sokka got stubborn, and attacked again... only to be instantly disarmed. Out of options to win, Sokka hurled his boomerang.

"Hey! No boomerangs in swordbending!" The scarred young man yelled, though he had avoided the projectile... at least the first time. The boomerang returned and hit the back of his head, making him let go of his dual dao swords and hold the back of his head.

"Zuko's right, you know? You didcheat, so he still wins the match." Aang judged.

"I may have lost the battle of swords, young Avatar, but I won the battle of words!" Sokka raised his hands in victory. The airbender grinned while Zuko humphed, annoyed and in pain. Chenlian sighed and shook her head. One was incompetent, and the other negligent, a bunch of sloppy amateurs.

Next, she was up against Sokka. She told him it was fine for him to try and use any trick in his book. But the boy, frightened by the look in her eyes, chose to be fair and square... at the beginning that was. However, as he was powerless, he once more resorted to various tactics of diversion and other weapons... all of which failed. He couldn't see or make any opening! So he was really forced to give up once he was out of ideas.

And finally, it was Chenlian VS Zuko. The avatar was particularly anxious about that match-up. The atmosphere had become tense. The duel began. The difference was obvious at a glance. Everything was different. Zuko certainly had skills compared to Sokka. So Chenlian had also consequently upped her game. And she was consistently topping Zuko too. But it wasn't a just a question of speed, power and technique. It was because she was fighting seriously. The weight behind each blow and parry was different. The fighting experience was different. While he had been training around, she had fought with her life on the line. She was different from him!

When her firebending had weakened and she had been lost in all possible ways, that sword had been the only thing she could rely on, her only means of protecting herself from all those who came after her, because she had been alone then. But Zuko always had someone by his side... and yet, he never realized how blessed he had been... how maddening! And of course he probably never realized how envious she was of him. If only she could trade all of her acquired strength for her family... but it was impossible... Right, even though she had been denying it with all her might all these years, she still missed them so terribly after all! Of course she did! She had done her best to follow their teaching, to cling to something that would make her move forwards... But the truth was that it still hurt! Although it had been numbed significantly for a time, the pain had returned in full! So that strength, that fighting ability she had been forced to hone in the loneliness and despair he and his family had thrown her in, she was going to let him experience it in full as well.

Not once did Chenlian evade Zuko's strikes. Not once did she take a single step back. She fended them all off and remained on the offensive. While fighting for survival and freedom, she had developed other skills. The ability to suddenly change her rhythm and confuse the opponent, closing in in an instant, barely leaving him time to react... the ability to emit bloodlust and make the opponent cower, like he was about to be eaten by a beast, freezing their movements... the ability to interchangeably use the sword and scabbard in both defense and attack... to switch weapons at the drop of the hat... tricking and outsmarting the opponent...

Like with Sokka, there were several rematches, however, while some ended quickly, others lasted awhile. But whatever the case, it felt like they were controlled by Chenlian. She let her sword be knocked away and quickly placed her dagger against his throat. She deflected his weapons by tilting her scabbard and held him at sword point. She hit him with the sheath while her blade parried his blows. She mixed swordsmanship and hand to hand combat. And then, this time, she didn't even try to defend. On the contrary, she stepped forward. Zuko stopped right before cutting into her flank. But once more, she had won as she was ready to cut his neck. She was not afraid of being cut. Unhesitatingly taking a step forward where everyone else would fearfully back off... that was her greatest strength. That difference of a single step was actually extremely large. It was the difference between victory and defeat, and could be the difference between life and death. While other skills could be obtained to some extent with training, her level and her strength that allowed her to take that single step could only be achieved with desperation, by having her life continually on the line.

Thus, Chenlian was declared the absolute, undisputed champion of the tournament. She immediately started a swordsmanship lesson... that The Duke chose to attend as well. However, since it didn't relate to them and a demon teacher's lecture was scary, the others scattered in a hurry. She gave her opinion on the losers's good and bad points, what they lacked, and was even willing to suggest training methods tailored to the pupil. Well, the best way still remained actual, life and death fighting experience against soldiers, mercenaries, bandits, or assassins...

That girl who said the harshest things with a smile was truly a demon senior disciple, the second-to-last boss right before Master Piandao. She also reminded them that students should aim to overcome their masters, and that Piandao had won countless battles in the war before single-handedly defeating all one hundred soldiers who had come to arrest him after his desertion from the military... Her eyes were glittering as she spoke of winning against such a legend. Chenlian was still Fire Nation after all, highly ambitious, and obsessed with strength and training. Though in her case, it seemed to be a side-effect of her need for fighting ability so she could win against those who'd come after her...

No, but even before, when her parents were still alive, she had never showed the slightest discontent no matter how strict or gruesome her education. Even back then, she used to say "They're so demanding because they believe I can do it. They believe in me and my abilities so much, of course I want to answer to their expectations. It's all to elevate me further. What's there to be unhappy about?" She was happy to have been recognized. However it wasn't a relationship out of interest, with no love involved as some misunderstood. They never pampered her, but they sincerely rejoiced at her successes instead of dismissing them with something like 'As expected of you. Keep working hard.' When she would be sick or hurt, they were truly worried about her. They genuinely cared and loved her. Their love was rather hard to see, but you could still feel it was there. Because of that discrepancy between what their senses told them, many who witnessed their interactions would be very disconcerted at first.

In any case, Chenlian's happiness was the most important, no matter how much their body and pride would have to suffer in the process. They also had to accept it as her whip of love. She had agreed to teach them to increase their own level, as much as the overall capacity of the group. They couldn't complain. Besides, not only was Chenlian teaching both swordben-... swordsmanship and firebending, but she was also actively participating in the chores, notably food and firewood gathering and cooking. She was also learning some mechanics from Teo...

Katara and Chenlian isolated themselves for the regular medical check-up. They were also talking about how the group members' various practices were progressing. An idea came up to try pitting Aang's firebending against Katara's waterbending. The next day, during a break, Aang was drawing on the ground with a twig. He was tracing a heart around the water and air symbold when Katara walked up to him from behind and hailed him, her hands behind her back, asking what he was doing. He hurriedly stood up and hid the twig behind his back too, saying he wasn't doing anything.

"Aang, I have something VERY important to say to you..."

"Really? I mean... yeah, I've been wanting to talk to you too, but..." He grinned happily.

"Think fast!" The girl hurled at him the water bubble she had been concealing. He failed to react in time and was drenched, causing her to burst out laughing.

"That's it?! That's what you had to say to me?! I thought maybe you finally wanted to talk about-"

"Enough moping around. Time to practice your firebending. Watch out, or you might get another one in the kisser..." Obviously raring to go, she adopted a bending stance.

"Kiss..." Aang recalled when he had kissed her at the start of the invasion. They still hadn't straightened out that part. True, things had been quite hectic for a time after that, but now that it had calmed down, wasn't it a good time to face their feelings and progress?

"Come on, Aang! Chenlian said to test your firebending against my waterbending!" Katara snapped the boy from his daydream back to reality... right as she dropped water from above. But this time, the avatar had protected... and hidden himself in a rock pyramid. She praised his nice defensive earthbending move, but he was supposed to be practicing firebending... However, he admitted he didn't feel like practicing now. He was on break. "Aang, you have to get ready to fight the Fire Lord, there is no time for games or playing hide-aang-seek!"

"Who's really playing games here, Katara? Are you sure you're not the one hiding? I thought you wanted to talk about what happened before the invasion!"

"Hu... I don't know what you're talking about... I mean, I can't hear you properly from in there, so hum... just come out and bring the heat!"

"Ha! Obviously YOU can't handle it when things get a little too hot!"

"This isn't about us... I mean, me... I mean, you... I mean... you're supposed to be preparing to fight the Fire Lord!" A bit flustered, the waterbender retorted by sending ice shards that pierced the monticule through the small gaps between the rocks. The avatar told her again to cut it out as he didn't feel like doing that now, but she ignored him. "Come on already, Aang! Show me some fire!"

"Fine! You want fire? I'll show you fire!" The monk replied, quickly heating the top of the mountain in which he was hiding until glowed red and sprouted flames like an erupting volcano, surprising Katara. Then he made the whole mountain explode in burning rocks. But then, he saw the girl he liked crouching, her back to him, holding the back of her head. "Oh no! Katara! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you... Are you okay?" He was already regretting having let his frustration get the best of him. She reassured him though and praised his impressive volcano move. She suggested to practice it again to show to Chenlian and Zuko. But he just walked away. Katara was worried about him, that he was scared of having hurt her again. "Actually, I'm more worried about being the one who gets burned..." He erased the drawing he had made earlier by sweeping it with his foot.

Teo continued to show his support to Chenlian. He was caring, and comforting, saved her from her pursuer, taught her mechanics, taking her mind of things. But after all, what truly inspired her was Teo's resilience. In spite of his disability, the loss of his family and friends, he was still showing such a pure smile. While she used to do her best to look forward, that level of positiveness seemed to be impossible for her. But at least, seeing that smile, she thought she wanted to try her best again. And that coziness wasn't to Zuko's liking.

This night, Chenlian went to the edge of the platform while everyone was sleeping to watch the moon while enjoying some peace and quiet and alone time... or so she had hoped. Watching the moon, she remembered that night at the North Pole when Tui, the original moon spirit, was slayed by Zhao, and Yue sacrificed her human self to become the moon she was seeing in the sky. And the following morning, she had joined Zuko. When Azula came to the resort, he might have thrown her out, but at least, he didn't try to capture her or revealed her presence to Azula. She was the one who ended up returning to him. During their wanderings in the Earth Kingdom they fell in love, or affirmed their feelings? She couldn't tell. Then, again, in order to find himself, Zuko abandoned her, as well as Iroh this time. But after all, they were still worried about him, and unable to leave him alone, and Zuko too came to rely on them, need them... their feelings grew and she was happy. They settled in Ba Sing Se and became something very close to a family. Enjoying peace, a warm meal with your family, laughing with people you love... she felt like she had reached her ultimate goal, that it was the true reason she had been fighting all this time... she had obtained it after having half given up on it... happiness, rest, love... the memories from that time were so warm and bright they were blinding to the point of being painful, her eyes were burning, and she would start crying.

And then, following her fight with Zuko and Azula, darkness fell. The light and warmth were gone, and she couldn't see a thing. That future she had caught a glimpse of was gone too. But the darkness and cold were very soothing. She was still in the darkness, slowly healing her scorched eyes and body. Right, after all, she still couldn't return to the light, not for some time... but was she even willing to return to the light? Was there even a point, a need to? Was it worth the risk of being burned again? Why should she do it? She could still reach her goal like this, rather wouldn't it be best to avoid distractions?

It was then Zuko came to interrupt her musing. But he had not come to discuss the next day's program as Chenlian had hoped. He mentioned how very friendly she was with Teo... to which the girl coldly replied it was none of his business.

"You're saying that knowing my feelings and that I always instantly get jealous when you get along with other guys?" He caught her arm as she was leaving.

"It's laughable how you speak as if you still have the right to be jealous. Just forget about me, and everything will be alright. I really don't understand why I should care about your feelings at this point." Chenlian dismissed him. If he believed she was only using others just to get back at him, then that would be overly arrogant and self-conscious of him. That was what transpired from her eyes. The young man pinned her to a pillar. It was true that back then, in the Earth Kingdom, those would have been his thoughts. But he had already grown since then. He wasn't going to act like he was or wanted to be the center of her world, now less than ever. He could already tell that her friendship with Teo was real, and she wasn't making a show to spite him. All Zuko wanted was for Chenlian to acknowledge that he loved her, and that she was making him jealous and hurting him. And it frustrated him that she refused to see that fact, or completely dismissed it as trivial.

"The reason I'm jealous... is because I love you. I told you, I can't forget about you. There wasn't a single day, a single hour when I didn't think about you. You're the only one I need, the only one I want." His eyes bore straight into hers. Those were the words she had wanted to hear... but that was exactly why...

"Let go." She harshly ordered, scowling.

"I won't let go." Zuko leant in closer. Her scowl deepened and she kneed him in the guts. He grunted, stepped back, and doubled over in pain, holding his abdomen.

"It certainly didn't look like that when I saw you kissing Mai. In any case, even if you're right, that's still just you being selfish. You're just doing that for yourself, not considering my feelings, what I want, what I need. I no longer need you. In fact you're in the way. For my sake, it'd be best if you left and no longer approached me." She had once let herself fall for his words... she had fallen, and she had broken. She could not let that happen again... So she tried to break him first. But although she had obviously hurt him, a lot, and deeply so, the prince still withstood the blows. He caught her wrist as she attempted to leave again, straightened up, and pulled her into him.

"I did try my hardest to forget, I used Mai as a substitute, even though I knew I was lying to myself... I endured, even as it became more and more painful to keep up the lie. But I've had enough of lies, I've had enough of killing my emotions. It's impossible to keep living like this... you can't call that living... so you too, stop lying, stop denying my love for you or your love for me and killing your own heart! You still love me, I know you do! That's why I won't give up! No matter how much you hurt me now, it can't compare to the pain I felt back then when I thought I had lost you! And I told you, now, I can hold you, and I won't let go!" He hugged her tightly, like with the strength of his embrace, he was trying to convey the strength of his love. The girl closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. Imprisoned in his arms, she was again made to recall the familiar and nostalgic warmth, scent, feelings, even the power behind his hold. She couldn't move. Chenlian squeezed her fists to stop the trembling that had begun, and focused on stopping her rampaging heart. Even if he was right... so what?!

At a later time, Zuko went to Aang to seek counsel. They were unknowingly followed by katara. He didn't know what he should do so that Chenlian would listen to him, evaluate his efforts in a fair light. And Katara snapped. She revealed herself and accused Zuko of always being inhumanely selfish.

"You ignored Chenlian, tried to capture her, and just when things started looking good, you betrayed her AGAIN, almost got her killed and even got yourself a girlfriend?! You think that because she's strong you can hurt her all you want? You think she doesn't need people at her side?! You kept rejecting her when she needed you the most... Even though you've known each other for so many years, you can't even see when she's putting a front to protect herself?! After trampling over her feelings so much and so many times... don't go acting like the pitiful boyfriend now! Being so cruel... you're really the worst lowlife! It's all your fault! That she can't open up anymore... it's all your fault! You broke her! You broke our friend! And now, when you're pretending to be trying to mend your relationship, you won't even do it on your own?!"

"I know!" Zuko punched the wall, clearly stung. That was why he was doing everything he could to fix things...

"If you've ever cared even a tiny bit about her, you should leave. As long as you're here, as long as you exist, she won't be able to heal. You should completely disappear from her life, so you won't ever be able to harm her again." The waterbender sighed.

"That's the one thing I can't do. I tried to, but I can't live without her."

"Yet, you seemed to have managed quite well. Well, if you won't leave on your own, then you better be prepared." The blue-eyed girl glared and left.

"Katara's right." The prince hung his head. He and Chenlian shared so many hurtful memories. After all the pain he had caused her, did he even have the right to want her back to him? Indeed he had truly been incredibly selfish while they were together in the Earth Kingdom... He had only ever thought about his own happiness. And he had convinced himself it lied with his family. Only too late did he realize how much he loved Chenlian and wanted her to be happy too. If she smiled happily at his side, then that would be his greatest happiness. But could he really give her that happiness?

"So are you just going to give up?" Aang wondered, thinking that everyone's attitude could change drastically depending on his answer.

"NO!" Zuko answered with all his strength and conviction. "I was prepared when I came here. I was prepared to be treated like this. But even if I'm acting like the biggest jerk, after coming this far, I realize it's really impossible for me to let her go. I made her endure so much for so long and still she didn't give up on me. Now it's my turn. Thank you."

"Errr... you're welcome, even though I didn't say anything..." The Avatar tilted his head. Certainly, Zuko had just wanted to voice his anxiety. But his relationship with Chenlian caused him to be on a tightrope.

As Chenlian, Aang, and Zuko were stretching and preparing for the training session, Aang asked Chenlian what she would have done if Zuko had decided to stay with his father and sister instead of joining them.

"Just so you know, I'm still considering that as a possibility. I'd probably either kill him or put him in jail depending on the exact circumstances. The throne would have gone to Iroh. In order to better assist him, I would have consented to a political marriage with a man suitable to be the father of my children, someone loyal and responsible who will provide us with a powerful support..."

"A political marriage?! But Chenlian, that's..."

"Don't make that face. Political marriages are quite common among members of the nobility, and notably the royalty. It's true though that love marriages became more prevalent in the Fire Nation after it became an autocracy. Political marriages have the power to bring peace and unification between families, factions, countries... It's not something to grieve over but to be proud of. Besides, just because you love someone doesn't mean you will be loved back. And even if the person you love loves you back, that doesn't mean you will be happy together. It doesn't matter if it's a loveless marriage. It's enough for me to feel valued as a partner."

"What about your own happiness?"

"Of course I'd be happy if I can bring smiles to everyone around me. If I can contribute to peace, it'd be only natural to have some pride in my accomplishments."

"No, I don't mean that–"

"But it's something I must do, as a firebender, and proud daughter of a Fire Nation nobleman. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to face all those who've had their lives and happiness stolen away by the Fire Nation. My country's sins are my sins. If no one else's up to it, I'll bear the burden and devote my everything. So I can only do my best to be happy within that frame." Even though she had been hunted down as a traitor for so long, she thought of the Fire Nation more than anyone.

Listening to her, Zuko finally understood the weight of her resolve and her love of her country and world. He had always brandished his title of crown prince that had been granted to him like a toy sword without fully realizing what it entailed, his responsibility to the people he ruled over. She vied for the spot only for the sake of the people, a pure desire with no need or care for glory, praise, or distinctions. She was suitable. Certainly, if it was her, she'd be a great ruler. But she'd meet strong opposition from those who supported his father, just like him. Still, that was exactly why, he needed her by his side, not only as his lover but also as his companion, his aide, his advisor... Alone they could not rule but if they supported each other... He had realized it anew. When someone had a choice between the path they desired the most, and the objectively best path, most would forsake everything to follow the path they desired. But Chenlian was different. She was an ideal 'crown princess' entirely committed to her role, perfectly aware of her duties and ready to accomplish them to the best of her abilities. But then, he remembered their life in Ba Sing Se, how dazzling her smile had been then. After all, he didn't want her to give up on achieving happiness in marriage too. And he could hardly allow another man to become her husband...

But then, Chenlian heard a hawk crying. It was a peculiar cry, starting differently from others. She had already heard that cry in Ba Sing Se, at the manor of the Wang Family. She was being called. She sighed and looked back, wondering if she should say something to the others. But since he had called her like this, he obviously didn't want to come down or have his presence here be known. So she walked to the edge and left silently, ignorant of the fact that she had been seen by Zuko.

Having been guided by the hawk, Chenlian joined Linshen in a clearing in the forest. He had organized the resistance across the Earth Kingdom, provided them with weapons, food, information, and helped with logistics. He had also created underground shelters and support groups for the population who could not or did not wish to fight. The young man also complained about Zuko's return. Was it really alright to allow it? But she had chosen to abide by the Avatar's will. He argued that if she had truly been that fiercely against it, Aang would have listened to her. Wasn't it painful for her to see and talk to him everyday? While Chenlian admitted it was hard on her, she had been made even more painfully aware of the necessity to monitor him. Linshen sighed and smiled, changing the subject. He had brought a very rare and effective medicine for her injuries. What was he doing, even though there was Katara to heal her? She stared hard at him with a lukewarm gaze, but he kept grinning innocently. So she sighed heavily. She had no idea what he was planning but whatever. It was also true she had many contusions, scratches or light burns, but she didn't feel them or even cared about those so yeah. That guy seemed to care though, as that paste served to reduce scarring. Understanding he wanted to put it on her himself, she sat down on a rock and he raised the top (but she kept the front down) and applied the paste on the wounded back. He also placed some dressing pads over it and lowered the clothes. He treated her arms as well, though only with the balm. When he was done the girl thanked him and stood up. Then Linshen suddenly hugged her from behind.

"You've become quite cruel after all. Although you keep refusing him, you let another man undress you, even partly, and touch you like this... right in front of him." He whispered mischievously. After all that 'treatment' she had just received had not been necessary. And while they were talking, they had noticed movement in the woods and spotted Zuko spying on them.

"I never asked him to follow me. People should own up to the choices they make."

"That guy can't help loitering around the girl he loves and is worried about despite knowing she doesn't want to see him... couldn't it be interpreted this way?"

"That theory only works if that guy truly loved me. Didn't you say yourself that he never did really love me? If he had, things wouldn't have turned out like this, right?"

"There's also the possibility that your absence caused his feelings to grow, since it seems that he can only yearn for what he can't have. If you return to him, his feelings will fade again in time. So you're using me to hurt him and make him snap or give up, because you don't have the confidence that you'll be able to hold out and keep rejecting him forever. Everything will be fine if he leaves on his own. But what will you do if he doesn't give up?" The man taunted her.

Chenlian closed her eyes and balled her fists. He had seen right through her. She would never use Teo, but she was using him... No, she was never the one to kiss or hug first... He knew what she wanted and fulfilled her wishes... No, trying to make herself look better at this point was the worst. The fact that she went along with his plans proved she was using him. What more, she lacked the courage to act and pushed responsibility onto him by remaining passive. Shouldn't she at least be upfront, see through her decisions, and act accordingly? She was always grateful for his help... he supported her, kept her on track, let her see the truth, and fulfilled her wishes... Yet she was still treating him ungratefully... could it be that after all, a part of her still hadn't forgiven him for allowing Azula in Ba Sing Se and keeping it secret from her... leading to the fall of the city, as well as what happened to her and Aang? Did she resent him for not taking matters into his own hands even though he had the ability so she could keep having this dream-like life with Zuko for a while longer? If that was the case then she was really much crueler and more selfish than she had imagined herself to be.

She calmed her heart, exhaled, and removed his arms without a word. However, she could not react to the next surprise attack. He grabbed her, pulled her to him, and kissed her. The woman froze. Her instinct tried to make her push him away, especially when she thought of Zuko, but in the same time, having realized his intention, she found herself hesitating. Hurt Zuko enough so that he'd give up on her. Hurt him because he had hurt her. Had it been anyone else, she would have been able to surpass that. She wanted to be able to overcome those feelings. But it seemed that he was still too special an existence for her... Linshen finally drew back, smiling at her.

"I told you to use me as you like. I'm always happy to help, especially in this form. So you shouldn't hesitate." He caressed her cheek and walked away. Even if it was hard for Chenlian alone to resist, she had reinforcements. Even though Linshen knew how she really was, he still accepted her. With that she felt saved. Despite everything, he was still so very important to her after all.

When Chenlian left too, Zuko revealed himself, his handsome face completely distorted. She simply passed him by, ignoring him. He stopped her and hugged her so tightly it hurt. And he was strongly asserting that he didn't believe in that kiss. He knew it was just another of her attempts to make him give up. It had been one of the most powerful blows, aimed straight at his vitals... but even though it hurt so much, it was still not enough, he still won't let go! And indeed, far from rejecting her, giving up, he was clinging to her, like he wanted to become one with her. He sounded desperate.

"You really haven't changed at all. Even after reality stares at you in the face, you keep denying it." Chenlian struck again, poking the doubts he must definitely have in his heart... in order to overcome her own confusion... Despite what she had just done, he was still holding on, holding her... was she happy or angry about it? Or both...?

"How could I accept that?!"

"You don't have to. You're free to leave if you don't like it. No one's forcing you to stay. And you've got really no say in what I do and who I see."

"I won't leave! I can't leave! And I won't believe that either!" Zuko persisted. Although he knew she still loved him, he still couldn't help the anxiety in his heart. Although he knew it was all his fault that she had grown spiteful and twisted like this, that didn't lessen the intensity of his pain and rage at seeing Chenlian and another man kiss in front of him. But it was still better than her truly loving that man. They were still at the stage of hurting and being hurt. But that was also a means of communication. If he went through that pain, he could have a better understanding of her. If he held on, then it was definitely going to be alright, because she still loved him. He was no longer going to let her fight alone. He had to show her that she could rely on him, so they could spend their life together, supporting each other.

"It's up to you. But reality won't change even if you refuse to accept it." She spoke so mockingly. Even though a tiny part of her with a weak voice seemed to be begging her to stop hurting him and herself, she just couldn't stop herself from acting so spiteful. That was the only thing she could do. She was piecing herself back together, even though she had forgotten the original shape and she could no longer use the pieces needed for the shape she used to envision... and the result was grotesque, distorted, repulsive... but even so, that was her, and even like this, she could move forward and fulfil her duty. Even though she had grown so twisted and full of thorns, how could those guys still say they want her? What did they see in her?! But in order to reach the poignantly beautiful and fragile blossom hiding at the heart, there was no choice but to dive through the thick bush of thorns.

Author's note: I wanted to do something with some of the Lost Adventures ^^. A far cry from the supportive, kind, strong, confident, and seemingly perfect Chenlian able to overcome anything I used to give, huh? lol Do your best, Zuko! Do your best Aang! Patience and persistence!

Next fight: 'Infiltration'