Fight 64: Forgiveness

On Appa, Zuko informed Katara of their battle plan... or rather the groundwork necessary to find their target's exact location. They had to go to a Fire Navy communication tower. All the navy's movements were coordinated by messenger hawk. And every tower had to be up to date on where everyone was deployed. The waterbender intended to bust in and take the needed information but the prince contested. They had to be stealthy, or the Southern Raiders would be warned long before the two could reach them. Chenlian also regretted being unable to to do some sabotage that would hinder the Fire Nation in the area but agreed with Zuko. Causing a fuss here and putting their prey on guard would not be good. Well, there was still something else she could do.

They came in sight of the communication tower, a huge building erected on a small rocky island in the middle of the ocean and surrounded by islets, all without the slightest trace of vegetation. The bison landed at the base of one of those islets, a large rock hiding him from view from the tower. Katara created a raft of ice and the trio leaped on it. They surfed up to the main island and she bended a tall wave that brought them at jumping distance from the top of the cliff. They walked along an outside causeway before stopping behind a corner right as a door opened and two guards came out. The infiltrators snuck inside through the door the careless soldiers had left open. The three made their way through the ventilation system to a certain room. Through the gratings, they saw an officer drawing on a map. With her bending, Katara spilled the dish of ink that splashed on the map and the female soldier's hand. The guard looked at her stained hand in disgust and left to clean it. The trespassers took advantage of her absence to look through the files. Chenlian memorized as many as she could. She would later send all the data to a certain someone by hawk, thus helping the various resistance groups. Zuko was the one who found what they were looking for. The Southern Raiders were currently on patrol near Whale Tail Island.

A little after dawn, Zuko woke up in the saddle and looked up at Katara. She had obviously made them fly non-stop since leaving the communication tower and did not get a wink of sleep. She had dark circles under her eyes. As they would arrive in a few hours, he advised her to get some rest. She was going to need all her strength. Chenlian had actually woken up two hours ago and suggested switching place, but Katara had refused to listen, so she had taken another short nap before waking up again just a few minutes before Zuko.

"Now, don't you worry about my strength. I have plenty. I'm not the helpless little girl I was when they came." Although the waterbender was looking straight ahead, her mind had wandered back into the past, when the Fire Nation had attacked her tribe...

As soon as the black snow had started falling, she had run back to their hut in search of her mother... only to freeze upon going in and calling out to her. An enemy soldier was there, standing before her kneeling mother. He turned to look at Katara whose eyes almost teared up in fear.

"Just let her go and I'll give you the information you want." The older woman pleaded.

"You heard your mother, get out of here!"

"Mum, I'm scared..."

"Go find your dad, sweetie. I'll handle this." She reassured her daughter. Katara hesitantly looked at the soldier. He fiercely stared back down at her. She still left despite her reluctance and ran as fast as she could to where her father was fighting.

"Dad! Dad! Please, I think mum's in trouble! There's a man in our house!" She yelled.

"Kya!" Hakoda screamed his spouse's name and instantly threw the attacker he was grappling with in the snow and ran back to their home, to his beloved wife...

"But, we were too late. When we got there, the man was gone. And so was she." Katara's voice cracked as she finished telling the firebenders her story.

"Your mother was a brave woman." The prince hung his head in sorrow and respect.

"I know." The blue-eyed girl sadly touched her necklace, the last memento of her late mother.

They kept flying through the day, and the following night, only taking short breaks for Appa's sake. Katara had finally agreed to sleep some and left Zuko at the reins. While he was 'driving', Chenlian was scanning the area with a telescope. Then she finally found their goal... a lone ship bearing the Sea Raven flag... the Southern Raiders. She handed the object to Zuko so he would know the exact location. Chenlian shook Katara awake and explained. The prince threw the telescope to the waterbender who looked through it for a moment, then brought it down.

"Let's do this." She declared. Appa descended, swimming on the surface, before diving underwater, his head in an air bubble. As they neared the ship, Katara attacked. A water whip coming out of seemingly nowhere coiled around one of the soldiers idly gossiping on the deck and hurled him into the sea on the starboard side. The others ran to the rail to see what had become of him. The bison broke through the surface on the port side and Katara bended a huge wave of water that washed over the ship, sweeping the raiders out in the ocean. The flying buffalo landed on the deck. There was apparently one soldier left. He was recovering, and upon noticing the assailants, tried to firebend at them, only to be violently thrown overboard by a powerful jet of water.

The trio entered the ship. Katara had bended water around her arms like tentacles. As Zuko followed right behind her, a door suddenly opened to his left and a sword popped out. The prince grabbed the enemy's arm and threw him in the storeroom before sliding the sword in between the handles, blocking the door. The three nodded at each other and headed deeper and deeper, quickly incapacitating the enemies on their path until they finally reached the control room.

"This is it, Katara. Are you ready to face him?" Zuko questioned. In response, the Water Tribe girl pulled down her mask, roared, and burst the door open with a highly condensed torrent. Someone firebended at her the moment she appeared in the doorway but Zuko jumped in front of her and dissipated the flames. He sent a shot at the man's feet. The captain jumped back, and stared at the ground, shocked, before glaring at the assailants. Chenlian had stayed in the back to take care of anyone that would come to disturb them, but still made sure to keep an eye on what was happening inside the room... on Katara...

"Who are you?" The officer demanded. Certainly, that a firebender would betray his country and team up with a waterbender to attack him must have come as a surprise. Deserters were extremely rare, enough to warrant the question. However, the young scarred man took it differently.

"You don't remember her? You will soon. Trust me." The Fire Nation prince firebended again. The leader of the Southern Raiders avoided and tried to retaliate, but found himself paralyzed before he could finish his movement.

"What?" The man exclaimed, aghast as his arm jerked around wildly. He groaned and struggled to regain control of his limb, in vain. His arm was then stuck to the floor as his body bent forward, his helmet falling off, and he was made to huddle on the ground. "What's happening to me?" The man was extremely confused.

Chenlian was appalled... That Katara, who had shown such aversion for bloodbending and cried so much upon being forced to learn it would use it like this not to save others, but to hurt them, without an ounce of hesitation. Her wide amber eyes narrowed in sadness. No, after thinking back on her own situation, Chenlian was not that surprised after all, given the chi techniques she had developed following the faking of her death and escape from prison. Resentment and suffering twisted people. It was only natural. And time did not necessarily heal wounds. Sometimes, it made them fester. Zuko too ignored the panicked commander and merely stared back at Katara for a time, his eyes wide from the stunning power and ghastly effects of her technique. Then he narrowed his eyes again and glared at the man immobilized on the ground.

"Think back. Think back to your last raid on the Southern Water Tribe."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Please, I don't know!"

"Don't lie!" The Fire Lord's son knelt by the captain's head and pointed at the waterbender. "You look her in the eye and you tell me you don't remember what you did." Following Zuko's words, Katara bloodbended the soldier to a kneeling position, his arms behind his back, so he could have a long good look at her face. Katara also was glaring intently at the frightened man... especially his eyes... and her anger towards him instantly faded as she realized it was not the same eyes as back then.

"It's not him. He's not the man." She said, freeing him from her bending.

"What?! What do you mean he's not? He's a leader of the Southern Raiders! He has to be the guy!" Zuko clamored. But Katara just turned heels and walked away. As the captain started struggling to his feet, the prince pulled him by the arm and pushed him against the window in an arm lock.

"If you're not the man we're looking for, who is?"

"Who was the leader six years ago?" Chenlian added, grabbing Katara's hand to stop her.

"You must be looking for Yon Rha. He retired four years ago." The new head of the special task force betrayed his compatriot and former superior with no qualms. Zuko glanced black at Katara who opened her tear-filled yet determined eyes. Naturally, the Fire Lord's son also asked for Yon Rha's whereabouts. However, the man's memory seemed to be failing him, or so he claimed. Chenlian asked Zuko to let him go. The prince was about to protest but stopped after a few words. She approached the soldier and glared at him.

"Are you sure you don't remember?" Her eyes were enough to freeze his blood and made him him like a mouse cornered by a snake. "Maybe I can spark your memory." She raised two fingers. Lightning was sparking around them. Her fingers slowly approached his neck, like a dragon opening its mouth to tear him apart and devour him. Mustering the last drops of his failing strength, the officer screamed two names, that of an island and a village. The lightningbender smiled and thanked him for his cooperation. As soon as the teenagers left the room, he collapsed on all four, shaking.

Still, that man's attitude was really not that surprising either. In the Fire Nation, aside from a few exceptions, everyone was all out for themselves. No one believed in a greater cause or had true convictions. The soldiers were only in for the riches or the medals or the pleasure of oppressing those in a weaker position, and so, their own life was the most important... more than anything, more than the country, more than their family, friends, orders, or even their so-called 'pride'... anything. Also, there was one principle pervading the Fire Nation: obey the strong. If you were strong, people would obey you, out of fear or respect... hence, many tended to flaunt their power. Certainly, the military was violent and showy. But appearances had taken so much importance that nowadays, people - and firebending - lacked true strength, lacked substance. And that was also why they quickly turned into submissive cowards the moment they were showed true strength.

"Yon Rha, you lazy piece of work, I need something." A really old lady said with her raspy voice as she appeared at a doorway. Her house was situated a distance away from a small peaceful village nestled in a pretty valley. Her gray-haired and wrinkled son, who had been scraping the dirt with his small hoe, stopped working.

"Yes Mother, what is it?" He attempted to placate her.

"The tomato-carrot from your garden are too hard for my gums! I need something soft and juicy!" She raised her fists and brought them down. Indeed, she was missing many teeth.

"Would you like something else from the garden? I would be happy to-" He began slavishly before being interrupted.

"Forget your stupid garden! Get your grimy hind to the market and buy me some real food!" The obviously aggressive and domineering woman yelled. She fiercely glared at him for some time before walking away.

And so, the once proud, respected, and feared commander of the Southern Raiders docilely went on an errand for his irascible mother. He arrived at the town market. Since the weather was very cloudy, humid and windy, a downpour clearly imminent, most people were starting to close their stalls and the place was all but empty. Some were still open though and he bought some fruits and vegetables that he put in his basket. However, despite his old cruelty and current way of life, Yon Rha had been a capable officer, and even four years after retiring, he did not lose some of his skills... like his ability to sense hostility and danger.

"Hello?" He looked back at the empty house behind him, feeling that he was being observed from there. As there was no answer, he turned to the stall owner. "Did you see someone?" However, the man shook his head.

Yon Rha left the village and walked down the stairs carved on the ridges and cliffs towards his mother's home. Some houses were scattered here and there. His eyes warily shifted from side to side. Then he stopped and looked up.

"Hello? Is someone there?" He asked again. But still no response. He resumed walking, a frown on his face.

"That was him. That was the monster." Katara's eyes shone with hate as she peered out from her hiding place, Zuko and Chenlian slightly behind her.

Rain started falling heavily, soaking the ground. The path was now lined with rocks, trees and shrubs. Yon Rha was marching slowly, on alert, constantly glancing back... until he got tired of the game.

"Nobody sneaks up on me without being burned!" He dropped his basket, turned, and firebended at a bush, burning it. Then he loosened his stance and picked up his fallen groceries. He started walking again, but as he looked back again for reassurance, he failed to notice the wire trap and tripped on it. He fell face first in the puddle of mud. A shot of fire landed right in front of him. Yon Rha quickly moved backwards to a sitting position and looked up.

"We weren't behind the bush." Zuko informed him. "And I wouldn't try firebending again if I were you." He took a threatening step forward, ready to strike at the slightest suspicion. Chenlian was again standing further in the back, observing.

"Whoever you are, take my money. Take whatever you want, I'll cooperate." The former raider shrunk back and shielded his face with his arm, truly scared.

"Do you know who I am?" Katara came closer and pulled down her face mask.

"No, I'm not sure."

"Oh you better remember me like your life depends on it! Why don't you take a closer look."

"Yes, yes. I remember you now. You're the little Water Tribe girl." He also recalled that day...

The wife of the Water Tribe chief was kneeling in front of him as he was interrogating her when that little girl had come in... Since the mother agreed to give him the information he wanted, he also agreed to let the daughter go. He tried to send her off but she hesitated and, scared, looked to her mom who convinced her by telling her to go find her dad. Once the brat had fled, he turned to the woman again.

"Now, tell me. Who is it? Who's the waterbender?"

"There are no waterbenders here. The Fire Nation took them all away a long time ago."

"You're lying. My source says there's one waterbender left in The Southern Water Tribe. We're not leaving until we find the waterbender."

"If I tell you, do you promise to leave the rest of the village alone?" Kya negotiated. Yon Rha nodded. "It's me. Take me as your prisoner." She declared.

"I'm afraid I'm not taking prisoners today." The cruel man smiled evilly.

And now, the situation had reversed. Like he had mercilessly killed that woman who had been kneeling in front of him, he was kneeling in front of her daughter was now out to kill him for revenge. He gulped fearfully.

"She lied to you. She was protecting the last waterbender." That daughter revealed, sadly closing her eyes.

"What?! Who?!"

"ME!" Katara raged, glaring back at him. She brought out her arms, suspending the rain drops in the air. Yon Rha just watched on, dumbfounded. Zuko looked up at the accumulating rain forming a growing dome of water and pulled down his face mask. Chenlian looked too, before avidly fixing her eyes on her friend's back, her heart pounding anxiously in her chest. Katara roared and turned the rain water into ice spikes that rushed towards her target. He shielded himself with his arms and let out a cowering noise. But as he felt no pain at all, he lowered his arms and looked up. While the icicles around him had pierced the ground, those that should have impaled him had stopped inches away from him. The former leader of the Southern Raiders covered his head again as the ice turned back to water and splashed him as it fell to the ground.

"I did a bad thing. I know I did and you deserve revenge. So why don't you take my Mother? That would be fair." Yon Rha did not hesitate to offer up his only family left as a sacrifice.

"I always wonder what kind of person could do such a thing. But now that I see you, I think I understand." The waterbender stared pityingly at the man and walked closer to him. She was recalling Chenlian's words. "I can only say that, from my experience, the people who commit atrocities are often disappointingly and pathetically insignificant." It was exactly that... "There's just nothing inside you. Nothing at all. You're pathetic and sad and empty."

"Please spare me." The once proud commander begged again pitifully.

"But as much as I hate you..." Her blue eyes shimmered, as if reflecting the clashes of her emotions. "...I just can't do it." She closed her eyes. Although it was with obviously enormous reluctance, she had still taken her decision. "If killing him will truly make you feel better, okay. But I'm not entirely sure killing that person is what you truly need and will be worth staining your hands either."Really... it was exactly as Chenlian had said... Yon Rha while still cowering; could not help but smile in relief at having escaped with his life, his most important thing. Katara turned heels and walked away. Zuko kept looking at Yon Rha who lowered his head in shame under his gaze. The prince left too, following his comrade. He stopped though when he saw that Chenlian was not coming. On the contrary, she was approaching the kneeling man and even went down on one knee so they would be at eye level.

"My friend is a strong and kind person who will not kill out of revenge. I, on the other hand, could kill if it's to protect my friend. We could track you here. Tell anyone of this encounter and I'll come stomp you out like a bug. Also, if you want to be rid of your mother, just leave this place or kill her yourself. Well, as empty as you are, without a speck of love, courage or self-esteem... all you can do is grovel and creep in the dirt like a worm for the rest of your life..." Her eyes and voice exuded disgust and contempt, like she was watching larvae feasting on a corpse. He nodded, shaking with fear. A single word and she would vaporize him in an instant. He was sure of it. The young woman stood up and joined her comrades. Yon Rha was left whimpering on the ground, his self-respect, his most basic human pride torn to shreds. He had escaped with his life, yes... with only that.

The prince asked what she said to Yon Rha. When she answered, he questioned the need to have threatened him, and why she didn't threaten the Raiders on active duty. The Southern Raiders were a special task force. What good would it do for them to reveal their ship had fallen to just three kids, or rather, to a single girl since the two firebenders hadn't done much. And the captain had submitted so quickly. If talking would only bring them shame and punishment for incompetence they would naturally hide their failure. Yon Rha on the other hand had nothing to lose. Just giving information on them could get him money to move to a better place. So it was necessary to make sure he kept quiet. And although Chenlian spoke no word about it, she understood that the safest way to maintain secrets was to eliminate those who knew. However, killing him would undermine Katara's decision, and she would loath to do something like that. Fortunately, while it was not her usual or favorite method, she was not incapable of controlling people through fear. That was Azula's way, and she was not Azula. That said, it was necessary to learn from a variety of sources. Such methods should not be abused, but neither should they be dismissed out of hand either as they had their own utility. Kindness alone was not enough.

Zuko left the girls at his family's house on Ember Island and went to fetch the others at the campsite. As soon as he was gone, Katara tightly hugged Chenlian, clinging to her like onto a lifebuoy.

"Why... why couldn't I kill him? Even though I tried to, I wanted to...?! Was I right? Was I wrong?"

"...I don't know. There might not be right or wrong in those matters, or it can depend on the person." Chenlian hugged her back and comfortingly stroked her back and hair. "I honestly couldn't care less if he lived or died. I only want what's best for you. You can think of it this way then; if you couldn't kill him, there must have been a reason. Maybe at the same time he lost his life to you; you would have lost your heart. We're trying to achieve peace and coexistence between the nations. But you, who would have lost to anger and resentment and gotten your revenge, what would you have said to all those people also crying for vengeance? Could you ask them to endure when you couldn't endure yourself?"

"...But there's no way I could ever forgive him." Katara squeezed her tighter.

"You don't have to. No matter how much time passes, the pain of losing important to you never heals, and the loneliness never goes away. No matter how many people you come to love, and how much you love them, the person you lost held a special place that could never be filled by anyone else."

"That hole may never be filled, but as heavy as that emptiness feels, it can be made a little lighter by the people around you." The blue eyed girl withdrew slightly and fondly gazed at her sister at heart. "Zuko was there, Chenlian. He helped me, and gave me what I needed. If it's now, I think I can forgive him, at least for what he did to me. But I understand things are different for each person. That's why I will no longer say you can't forgive him, but I also won't ask you to forgive him." Now she held her precious friend's face in both hands. "You're the only one who knows just how deep your wounds are. But just like you did for me, I want you know that I'll always be there for you and support you no matter what you'll do. Even though I can forgive him, to me, you'll always be more important than him. If there are no right or wrong for those things, then you too should follow your heart."

"... I'll go make dinner. You stay here and wait for everyone." Chenlian smiled and evaded. She walked up the slope to the house. At the entrance, she looked back at Katara who was sitting down on the pier. "You don't have to worry about others when you already have your hands full with your own feelings. There's no way a broken heart could function properly." She murmured, her smile turning sad and self-derisive. Katara was kind. Kind enough to try and comfort others despite her state. However, trying to do more than you could handle could cause you to make mistakes.

It was sundown when the others arrived. Katara was still sitting the end of the ruined pier, the tip of her feet dangling in the water. Appa landed on the beach. Aang jumped down and rushed to her, asking if she was okay.

"I'm doing fine." She replied, sadly gazing at the distance.

"Zuko told me what you did. Or... what you didn't do, I guess. I'm proud of you."

"I wanted to do it. I wanted to take out all my anger at him but, I couldn't. I don't know if it's because I'm too weak to do it or if it's because I'm strong enough not to."

"You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing."

"But I didn't forgive him. I'll never forgive him." Katara stood up and walked to Aang. Anger was still carving her face. However it softened when she looked at Zuko standing a distance behind Aang. "But I am ready to forgive you." She walked to the Fire Nation prince, and after a pause, she suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He hugged her back. Then she walked back to Appa where Sokka, Toph, and Suki were waiting.

"You were right about what Katara needed. Violence wasn't the answer." Zuko said.

"It never is." The airbender smiled.

"Then I have a question for you. What are you going to do when you face my father?" The Fire Lord's son interrogated the Avatar, who had obviously avoided thinking about that all this time. Stunned, Aang looked to the side, unsure and confused. He could no longer delay the issue.

The house was empty when they went there though. She had fixed some food with wild yam, herbs, spices, and fruits and a freshly caught bird. But the person herself had gone off somewhere. Zuko volunteered to go look for her and left before anyone could answer. He found her sitting on a rock at the edge of a cliff, the breeze blowing her short hair. He fought the urge to hug her from behind and kiss and nuzzle the nape of her exposed neck. He missed her long hair, but short hair had its good points too. And more than anything, the way the setting sun illuminated her made her appear as a dying flame about vanish in the darkness. But now was not the time. He walked up to her.

"What are you doing here? We were worried about you." He gently asked her. But she remained silent, her eyes fixed on the burning sea. She did not even seem to acknowledge him. "Katara told me she forgave me. She even hugged me..." He timidly tried to tease her, to elicit some reaction, and lowered his eyes upon failing. "...You know, when I believed you were dead, I thought there was no way I could atone for everything I did. Everything went dark and I was in so much despair I even thought about just letting myself waste away like this." He balled his hands into fists. But the one to use their fists was Chenlian as she suddenly bolted upright and punched him.

"Right... you certainly are a coward... trying to run away yet again despite saying you wanted to atone for your sins..." The girl fiercely glared at him. He held his sore cheek.

"I'm not as strong as you are." Even though he had come to learn of her fears, her insecurities, and her weaknesses, when she had needed him, he had rejected her, because he had been weak, unable to believe in her and choose her, unable to defy his father and acknowledge the truth about him.

"Don't call me strong! You know I'm not as strong you make me out to be! And you can't live if you're not strong?! That's not it!" She angrily grabbed his collar. But then as she was shaking him, they tripped and tumbled down the slightly steep slope. The two crashed into the sand and froze as they opened their eyes. It was the third time they had involuntarily found themselves in this position with her trapped under him, his knees and hands on either side of her. But this time, what crossed her features were shock, fear, and pain. She had fallen in love with him. She had believed in him. He had abandoned her and fought her. He had locked her up in prison and got another girlfriend. So she had decided to give up on him too. She had even resolved to kill him if need be. Even though things would have been a lot easier as she wouldn't be feeling this confused and torn, so worn out from continually fighting... Or would they? Why... how could he still be so tenderly, so lovingly gazing at her like this? And how could her heart still respond to him after everything?! It was because it was dis-functioning, that it was responding to him!

"Chenlian... I know. You taught me that living shows that you're strong. You taught me that no matter what path we walk, we must always live on as strong as we are able. You must never treat life as something insignificant, even in times when you must kill someone. You must never forget that there are people who struggle desperately, just to survive for another day. And you must never forget the people you love and who love you for as long as you live." He gently caressed her cheek. Chenlian's heart twinged in pain again. Today, she had truly considered Yon Rha as hardly more than an insect. Her expression grew hard.

"I did use to spout that sort of soft-hearted crap. To think I was this naïve... How embarrassing... By the way how long do you intend to stay in that position? Get off already." She glared at him.

"No." He pinned her down even more and glared back. "You were right. And I also want to know, how long will you keep running away from me, from my, and your feelings?! Cowering, always scared of me, of pain, of yourself, of the future... That isn't you! Who are you?!"

"I've always been me. That is the real me."

"No! I know you! Despite being scared and suffering, Chenlian still manages to endure, rise, and move forward, because she knows that if you give in to fear and pain, you can't get anything done, you can't build, and you can't go on."

"But people have limits. I've reached the limit of what I could endure."

"Chenlian, you've always reached for greater strength. How many times have you thought of giving up until now? But then, you always took a step forward, and continued. That's why, you can do it. You can surpass your own limits. And this time, I'll help you."

"You're the last person I could ever rely on."

"But I'm no longer the person I was. You should have seen that. I used to be like you are now. I didn't want to admit the truth about my family, and about you, and kept running away from it... but reality still caught up, and where did that take me? To a precipice of despair and regrets... that I didn't believe you, that I didn't take your hand, that I lost you because of my stubbornness and stupidity... So I decided to stop fighting, to stop denying my feelings, and fully accept who I am and what I did. My love for you cannot be repressed. That's a fact and I accepted it. What about you? If you're gonna say that you only loved the person you thought I was, then I'll make you fall in love with this me. I don't doubt we'll face many difficulties, but if we're together, and with everyone's help, I'm sure we can overcome them. That's why I'm asking you again! Who are you?!"

Chenlian looked into his eyes... his searching eyes probing deep into her soul, stirring the accumulated ashes. She could not stop him. She could not escape his physical and emotional grasp on her. He would see through her lies and withstand all her blows, because he could discern the intent and feelings behind each one. He could see her hesitations, her fears, and limits... and still he was trying to push her... or rather to pull her up... forcefully... with a strong and firm grip, after destroying all barriers. Was it time? This time, he really won't let her go, won't let her escape unless she truly faced her own feelings and him, and gave him a proper answer... So she closed her eyes.

I am Chenlian. Who is Chenlian?

"After cursing my powerlessness for so long I don't want to let anyone die again. That's why I will become stronger, as strong as I can, and I must make you stronger even if you hate me." That was what she had declared to Aang, Katara, and Sokka upon their meeting, to which they had responded by taking her into a tight and warm group hug and telling her not to try to bear everything alone. She was not alone anymore. She had them, her new family. Though they would repeat those words many times in the future.

"I am who I am and I won't deny it or deviate from my path."

"Injustice should not be forgiven. I decided to endure and not allow hatred and resentment to make me lose sight of who I really am and what's really important."

"I really dislike having this lump of darkness inside, and I really dislike being controlled by anyone or anything, even my own feelings."

"Zuko, no matter how difficult it may be, I want to protect all those I care about with my own hands, you, the Avatar, everyone. Someday, you will open your eyes. And even if it is impossible now, I won't give up, I won't lose hope that we can all be together again under the sun." Right... at that time, after Zuko and her had rescued Aang from the Pohuai Stronghold, she was the one who had him pinned down while earnestly, desperately pleading, hoping... Was she making the same expression he was having now?

"But... even if you don't believe me now, I'll keep trying until my feelings get across." Wasn't that what she had said when Zuko had chosen to travel alone in Earth Kingdom, leaving her and Iroh in order to find himself? Weren't their positions reversed now?

"While carrying woes on your back, you struggle, you trip, you fall, you get lost, you get hurt, and still you don't give up and keep walking while intently looking forward, no matter how treacherous the road. That's because you're like this that I've always felt proud of you, that I can't leave you alone... and that I came to love you." Even though she had told him that following that thunderstorm in the desert, right now, she was the one who lacked the strength to stand up again... And he was the one reaching out to her. Even though she had sworn to herself and others that she wouldn't lose to her own feelings, to her own darkness, that she would never stop moving, never stop trying to become stronger, never let the past hold her down... So what was holding her down now? It was her wounds. Did she still love Zuko despite that? ...Yes. She wanted to take his hand, to be with him... even now. But could she trust him, and believe in him like she used to? The answer to that was 'no'. And she had no energy left to fight for something she did not believe in.

However, was that reason enough to keep running away, to keep cowering, all huddled in a corner licking her own wounds? How long was she going to act like some beaten loser dog?

To become stronger, to surpass herself... If you give up, then it was all over, everything will have been for nothing... if you give up, you won't know of the possibilities that could have appeared had you held on... if you gave up after 99 failures, you won't be able to succeed at the 100th try... She had survived all this time because she had never given up, she had never stopped fighting... Then should she give Zuko yet another chance, even after he had wasted all those she had previously given him? Given his recent actions, she had no choice but to admit that he had at least deserved a chance... Then what about the future? It should be up to him to fight for it... and keep proving himself... Nothing was ever truly over... both for him, and for her... And she could tell that right now, he was stronger than her.

Right. She still loved him. She knew it already. She knew she could not deny the heat of his touch and gaze. She had been unable to fully douse the embers in time, and he had rekindled them. The fire was already too big for her to do anything about it. It really all depended on him. As long as he kept making efforts, in their relation, but also towards their goal, she wanted to support him. No one knew for sure what would happen in the future. If things worked out, that would be for the best. If they did not, if he gave up, if he stopped making efforts, if he reverted to the man he used to be... at that time, it should be alright for her to give up too. If there was a chance that the best could happen, she should not nip the possibilities. It was obvious you could never have everything. But the greedier you were, the more you could obtain. Suddenly, Chenlian recalled a certain fortuneteller's words...

"keep walking your path with pride and dignity. Do not let any disappointment cloud and close your heart. you must not forget that many things take time, and often, mistakes are necessary for people to understand... Now concerning the young man who troubles you so much... you're worried about him and about your friends... but just like you must never cease to believe in your own heart, you must never cease to believe in him, and in them. It might be easier said than done, but you are strong. And will become stronger still. So trust yourself, trust him, trust them, and that someday, everything will be alright. You must keep believing... no matter what, because if you give up, then nothing will be left."

I am strong... I am...

"I am... Chenlian..." She looked strong, and resolute and she had recovered her light. The sun... had pierced through the clouds. He smiled. He had recognized her... his Chenlian...

"You are the only woman I fell in love with. It has always been you, and it will always be you."

"But Zuko, even if I love you, I still can't fully trust you. And I can't fight for something I don't believe in. Even then, will you still..."

"It's alright. Until you recover, until you are able to believe in me again, I'll fight for the both of us. I will keep my promise from that time and grow stronger too. Then we can fight together, side by side, and support each other. It's enough that you're giving me another chance. Chenlian, you always asked me what I wanted of the future, how I envisioned it. I stand as Fire Lord, and you're by my side as my wife. We change the Fire Nation for the better, and we have a tea party with the leaders of the other nations and cooperate to bring peace to the world. Of course, our child, or children, will inherit our will. You know how tenacious I am when there's something I want, right?" Although the young prince was serious at first, he suddenly grinned with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Chenlian turned her head and remained quiet. Yeah, his tenacity had just gotten the best of her... but there was no way she could just outright admit it like this now!

Zuko gently but firmly turned her head back so she would face him, and their eyes locked. He slowly, very slowly leaned in, as if giving her time to decide whether to turn aside again, or not. But she did not... could not... Their eyes closed, and their lips touched softly, tenderly. Sensing her acceptance, his joy, his greed, his love and passion swelled up and overflowed suddenly, blasting the dike. The kiss grew deeper, hungrier as his tongue slipped past her lips. His arms also tightly warped around her, pressing her against him in a strong, fervent embrace. And she also wrapped her arms around his neck.

Author's note: and here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for!

Next Avatar chapter: "Fight 65: Play Down"