The first thing that seems suspicious to Stan is how refreshed he feels upon waking up.
He hasn't felt this good in thirty years. Hell, maybe even longer than that!
It's like the strain of constant all-nighters and age-related body aches have been lifted from him overnight.
Stan feels like a twenty year old again and it freaks him out.
His back doesn't even ache when he sits up and overcompensates the motion, nearly throwing himself out of the bed.
He hits the floor with a muffled grunt, surprised when the landing doesn't hurt. His skin is so thin these days that just bumping into the dining table leaves him bruised for weeks.
Stan rolls to a stop, sitting against the wall with his hair flopping in his face.
"Just great," he grumbles, pushing his unruly, brown curls out of his eyes. He paused, brow furrowing as he contemplated the strands between his fingers.
Wait― brown?
His hair hasn't been brown since before Soos was born and hold on! How long has it been since he could see this clearly without his glasses? Granted, his vision is still pretty blurry looking at things up close, but he could make out the babes on his magazines over on the dresser.
He really should put those away somewhere in case the twins decided to come snooping in his room.
Almost robotically, Stan picks himself up off the floor and puts away his copies of Fully Clothed Women. Then, with poorly concealed anxiety, he turns to face the mirror. A terrified teenager stares back at him with wide, clear eyes. The absence of cataracts makes denying the reality of his situation an impossible feat.
The face in the mirror is one he loathes. The boy who ruined his brother's future and tore apart their family. He has a rounded baby face with only a hint of a sharp jawline waiting to form. His eyebrows are as brown and thick as his hair, dark curls that stick up all over the place without extra-strength gel to hold them back. There's acne spots on his chin and not even a trace of stubble to hide the freckles he's had since childhood. Even the boy's ears are smaller and he's screaming.
Stanley Pines is screaming in his bedroom like he's being murdered and he can't figure out how to stop.
"Grunkle Stan!"
The twins burst into the room like wrecking balls, brandishing a golf club and a grappling hook with fear in their eyes.
At least he hid his magazines in time.
They scream at the sight of him and, hey, he can relate, but the sound hurts his ears. Hurts enough to stop his own screaming.
Even in a seventeen-year old's body, he might still need the hearing aide after that.
"Grunkle Stan, what happened to you?" Mabel shrieks, her eyes wide. "Was it the gnomes? Did they use some kind of gnomey magic on you as revenge for me not marrying them?"
Dipper, half-hidden behind his sister's wild bedhead, stares at him with a slack jaw. Apparently, he's been left speechless by the sight of his now teenage great-uncle.
But… gnomes?
Already the kids have gotten involved with the town's weirdness.
Stan has to salvage the situation as best he can before the twins run off into the woods in search of some mystic answer.
He runs a hand over his hair, smoothing it back only for it to spring forward again and stick to his forehead. Ugh. Had he always been this sweaty as a teenager?
He pitied Dipper if that were the case.
"Beats me, kid." Stan says as he looks back at the mirror, trying to keep a hold on his rising anxiety. That same horrible face stares back at him. He shudders and forces his gaze back to the twins. "Probably the result of some radioactive runoff. It'll fade in a day or two, no sweat. But stay out of the woods. I don't want you running into anything and makin' me change diapers. You two want breakfast? I'm thinkin' pancakes."
"Grunkle Stan, how can you think of food at a time like this?" Dipper cries, his voice breaking. Yeesh, is Stan going to have to worry about his voice doing that again? "What if this is some magical curse that'll deage you right out of existence? Ohhh man, I gotta check the journal!"
Well, that's a horrifying thought.
But Stan's mind short-circuits at the boy's words.
Journal?
Journal?!
Only a few days in Gravity Falls and the boy finds the very thing Stan's spent thirty years looking for.
What kinda cosmic bullshit―?!
Stan groans and pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
"Look, kid. You wanna hit the books, then fine." he huffs. "But you'll do it at the breakfast table. Mabel, sweetie, you wanna help me get everything together?"
Dipper looks affronted by the brush-off, but Mabel looks conflicted. She looks Stan overly slowly, taking in the way he's standing straight and his clear eyes. There's anxiety written all over his face that he's struggling to conceal behind an expressionless face.
"You're sure you feel alright?" she asks, coming to some conclusion about his new state.
Stan softens at her concern and gently ruffles her hair.
"Better than I've felt in years." he confirms solemnly. "And I'll be even better once I get some food. C'mon, kids."
The twins follow him without complaint, but much concern in their body language.
Stan fights the urge to look back at his strange reflection. This was just perfect. Not only did he have the kids underfoot, but he was also so close to that final piece of the puzzle to getting his brother back only to have to figure out a way to get it from his great-nephew without being found out. And on top of that, he had somehow become seventeen again overnight!
A long day stretched out ahead of him and made his chest clench. There would be no opening the Shack today, that was for sure, but…
Well, he'd gone to bed with the thought last night. What was stopping him from putting it into motion now?
A Family Fun day was just what they needed with this new revelation. And he'd be damned if he let some Gravity Falls weirdness get in the way.
Getting the kids into the car is easy enough. They're not willing to let him out of their sight for long and it was a headache in and of itself to shake them long enough to put his fishing gear in the car. They don't question his choice of shorts and a T-shirt.
His suit is too big for him now, loose in the shoulders and stomach in a way it's never been before. No girdle needed and he loathes the idea of taking the suit in any in case this sudden weirdness fades and he's left without his signature look.
The twins take their arrival at the lake with less grace.
And maybe coming out to the lake where the whole town has gathered isn't the best of ideas with him looking this way. But Stan has half of a plan to deal with that when someone brings it up. It'll be fine. They'll be fine.
"C'mon," he urges the twins when they still seem skeptical. "This'll be great! I've never had fishin' buddies before. The guys at the lodge won't go with me― they don't like or trust me."
The words don't actually sway them, but like he said: they don't want to let him out of their sight. If he wasn't so relieved about keeping them out of the woods, the sentiment might bother him. He's been around the block way longer than they have. And he's taken care of himself just fine since he actually was seventeen. He didn't need to babysat.
But he'll use their concern to his advantage.
They're not impressed by his handmade hats or his joke book, but they don't get the chance to protest before McGucket arrives in the middle of another one of his episodes.
But the town hillbilly's words seem to light a fire in Dipper about a monster hunt. And, of course, Mabel is ready to follow her brother into the unknown.
Which is when Soos comes in.
Stan had hoped to keep him out of it for a little longer, but the man is practically the only family Stan's had in ten years. There was never a chance at keeping him out of the loop for long.
He freaks out. Stares at Stan like he's the one of the Wonders of the World and, for once, Stan hates it.
"Yeah, it's really me." Stan grumbles, a pout forming as he crosses his arms. "Now shut your yap so we can get fishin' ''
"I dunno, Mr. Pines." Soos says awkwardly, scratching at his scalp. His hat is dislodged by the movement, revealing a few wisps of his dark hair. "You sure it's a good idea to go out like that? I mean, what if you turn into a merman or something? Dude, that'd be so cool if you did, but I don't think it's a good idea to mess with magic like that, dawg."
"There's no magic here," Stan insists grumpily, glaring holes into his handyman's head. Seriously, he had to worry about him blowing the lid on everything, too? "I just wanna go fishin', is that too much to ask?"
The kids look conflicted, but it isn't enough to keep them from getting on Soos' boat and dragging Stan along.
Well, as long as he looks like a teenager, then he's gonna act like one.
Stan plops down in the seat behind the wheel and refuses to join the others as Dipper goes about explaining his plan. He knows that fishing doesn't seem like the most fun of pastimes, but there was more to it than that! It was a chance to sit down with someone and talk without the distractions of everyday life getting in the way. Like the forced bonding that came with high school with the chance of free dinner at the end.
Still, it is a little funny watching Soos eat fish bait. Stan turns his head and refuses to laugh at him. Or at Mabel's terrible ventriloquism. There was an idea for a shack attraction.
Scuttlebutt island is just as terrible as he thought it'd be, all wet fog and strange shadows in the distance. Stan has no idea about what's lurking here and he hurries out of the boat in case something tries to grab the kids.
And something did. A huge, hulking monstrosity of a sea beast.
Once, Stan had dreamed of finding something like that alongside his brother, him punching the thing into submission so Ford could dissect it.
Forty years and a pair of kids by his side turned that dream into a nightmare.
He found himself screaming again, a twin under each arm as he and Soos sprint away from the Gobblewonker, only a step ahead of those sharp teeth. Then it's back into the boat where he has to hold onto the kids to keep them from flying out of the boat while they race across the water, nearly overturning some Hallmark family and their boat. Dan Corduroy and his sons go right in the drink before Soos crashes the boat into a hidden cave behind the falls.
Dipper is ecstatic with the capture of the lake monster before it's revealed to be McGucket piloting a monster machine like the Wizard of Oz.
"You just don't know the lengths us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family."
The words ring more true Stan cares to admit and they seem to reach the twins, too.
"You think we still have enough time to go fishing?" Dipper asks hopefully, in sync with his sister as they don the hats Stan gave them.
He smiles reluctantly at the sight and they take the remnants of Soos' boat back to the Stan 'O War II.
"Hey, you knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?" Stan grins once they're safely in his boat.
"Five bucks says you can't do it!" Dipper accepts eagerly, showing some of Stan's own personality.
"You're on!" Stan declares, trapping the boy in a noogie.
Dipper shrieks and laughs, unable to fend him off until Mabel jumps in to help.
"Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed plus me singing at the top of my lungs!" she screeches with her hands around his throat and joy in her tone.
"I like those odds!" Stan roars with laughter as he plucks her off his shoulders to blow raspberries against her belly.
It's not the perfect Family Fun Day he'd hoped for, but there's more laughter in that one afternoon on the lake than he's had in forty years. And he'll take that for all it's worth, Gravity Falls weirdness involved or not.