A\N: Merry Christmas, Angels! This is a new Calec oneshot that I've been working on for a few months but forgot about it. This oneshot is about how alone I feel right now and wish I had someone around me, aside from my family and boyfriend. God I wish I had Alec. My head is not a good place to be right now so I'm hoping writing this oneshot will make my head a good place again. So I thought I'd turn into a Clalec oneshot.
I hope you Angels have a good Christmas.
Clary POV
I don't ever think I've ever felt so alone as I do right now. Everything is so messed up and I feel alone.
My entire life, everything I've ever known, has been turned on its head and I'm falling into a dark pit and now I've landed on my ass and I can't find my way out.
Mom is dead.
Luke is running the biggest wolf pack on the East Coast.
Simon is a vampire.
Valentine is my father.
Jace is my brother and wants nothing to do with me.
Izzy is trying her best to be there for me but she has her own stuff going on.
Both Magnus and Alec are suffering from their breakup.
I'm alone in a world I know nothing about. Mom had Magnus erase my memories of the Shadow World, a world that I'm supposed to save just because I'm the daughter of the most psychotic Shadowhunter ever to exist.
I throw my sketchbook on the bed and stand up. I've been in my room for the past five hours, trying to draw away my loneliness but the only thing I can draw is my new life, a life that I never wanted.
I just don't know why I'm in this world when no one trusts me and where I'm not wanted. Making a huge decision that not only affects me, but all the people in my new life, I go to my closet and grab all of my clothes, put them in my large duffel bag that I stored underneath my bed, grab my art supplies, and everything else in my room, and bathroom, and dump them in the duffel bag and zip it up.
Snatching my jacket from the hook on the back of my door, I shrug it on and stuff my feet in my ankle boots. I pick up my phone, slip it into my pocket and leave the room.
The stele Mom gave me on my 18th birthday, the night my life was catapulted into an entirely new direction, is on the made up bed.
I don't belong in this world, I never have.
I'm leaving this word and never returning.
Alec POV
I'm worried about Clary. She's been locked in her room all day. I know she's had a hard time with her Mom being killed by me, even though I was possessed by a demon that Valentine ensured would bring hurt and death throughout the Institute. And it did.
Izzy got possessed and tried to kill me before Clary stabbed her in the shoulder then killed the demon, sending it back to hell.
I got possessed and killed Jocelyn all without knowing it until it left me and I saw the devastated look on Clary's face when she realized it was me who took the one person in her world that she loved more than anyone.
I'm walking to Clary's room, to try and get her to come out and train with me or do something that gets her out of her bedroom when I see the redhead leaving her room with a duffel bag on her shoulder. What is she doing with a duffel bag on her shoulder? I ask myself, I watch as she turns the corner and disappears out of my sight and I go into her room where I find her stele on her bed and a feeling of dread settles in the pit of my stomach. She's leaving the Shadow World.
I have been so wrapped up in my breakup with Magnus and Izzy's addiction to Yin Fein and vampire blood and the entire situation with Jace being in The City of Bones, I've been neglecting Clary. I've been neglecting the one person I promised myself I'd never neglect.
I grab her stele, run out of her room and follow the redheads footsteps.
"You're not leaving, Clary Fairchild." I tell myself as I leave the Institute. I have zero idea where the redhead is going but I'll be damned if I let her leave the Shadow World. I'll carry her back kicking and screaming if I have to.
Clary POV
I walk into the loft, the only place I feel at home. Putting my bag on the floor, I go over to the window and look down on everything. Everything's different now that I know that there's a whole other world buried beneath all the glamours and wards. I should've left a note or something explaining why I left but it's too late. I just hope they understand. My phone rings from my jacket. I sigh: I was hoping it would take longer for them to notice I was gone. I grab the device and look at who's calling me.
Alec.
Out of all the people to notice me missing, I never thought it'd be Alec. Answering the call, I put the device up to my ear and met with one angry Alec Lightwood.
Phone call:
Alec: What the hell are you doing? Where are you?
Me: That's none of your business.
Alec: You left the Institute without telling anyone and without your stele.
Me: I know what I did.
Alec: Tell me where you are, let me come to you and we can talk about it, we can figure something out.
Me: There's nothing to talk about and nothing to figure out, Alec. I've left, I'm done with the Shadow World.
Alec: Clary, if this is about me killing your mother then I am so, so sorry.
Me: I don't blame you for her death, Alec, I never have. It was Valentine who killed her. But anyway, I don't belong in your world, I never have.
Alec: Clary, you do belong in our world, you were born as a Shadowhunter. That's who you are.
Me: Alec, if I were a Shadowhunter, why did my Mom have my memories erased? Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she tell me I had a brother?
Alec: I don't know, Clary but we can figure it all out if you just tell me where you are.
Clary: Thank you for everything you've done for me, Alec. Tell Izzy and Jace the same thing. Be happy, Alec.
Alec: Clary, don't do this, please-
Phone call
I hang up with the eldest Lightwood child and turn my phone off so no one will be able to track me using it. Tears slip down my face as I think about Alec. He's done so much for me and I left without saying anything, they all have.
Placing my phone on the window sill, I start tidying up the loft, humming a song as I work. I sit on the couch and turn on the TV after I've tidied up, putting on some random movie.
Tomorrow, I'll go to the Brooklyn Academy of Art and re-enroll and restart my life as a mundane but for tonight, I'm going to watch movies until I fall asleep.
I'll figure everything else out tomorrow.
Alec POV
Clary hangs up before I can finish speaking. I have no idea what to do, or where to look for the youngest Fairchild. I know she's somewhere in the mundane world, but she didn't tell me where she went. All I know is that she loved some coffee shop called Java Jones so I decide to look there for her first.
The coffee shop is busy, but there's no redheaded Shadowhunter in sight. I groan, glad I'm glamoured from the mundanes. There are only three other places I know of that Clary frequented growing up: the destroyed loft, the art school and the park. Seeing as rain has begun to fall over New York, I immediately rule out the park and it's currently a Sunday so the art school is closed, at least the campus is until tomorrow, so the loft is most likely the place where Clary is, so after giving myself an Energy rune, I make my way to the loft and hope to every Angels in the sky that Clarissa Fairchild is at the loft.
The loft door is locked which isn't surprising but a quick unlocking rune unlocks it and I slip inside. The loft has been tidied up, well at least the living room has. The redhead that I've been looking for is on the couch watching a movie, oblivious to my presence.
"Clary." I say, gaining her attention. Clary gasps, pauses the movie, stands up and turns around, a look of anger on her face, her green eyes narrowing.
"What the hell are you doing here? I made it quite clear that I want nothing to do with the Shadow World." She spits, she sounds so unlike the Clary I've come to know.
"Clary, what the hell is going on with you? Please tell me what is going on. Why did you leave without telling anyone?" I ask, Clary rolls her eyes and scoffs.
"I left because I don't belong in your world. I'm a mundane, Alec. I was raised as a mundane. I'm an art student, not a Shadowhunter." Jace's sister tells me, and I sigh. Getting her back home just got a whole lot harder. I think as I walk towards her.
"You've always been a Shadowhunter, you just never knew it, but that's not your fault, your mother protected you from the dangers of our world the only way she knew how to." I say as Clary sighs and sits back on the couch, gesturing me to join her, and I do. Clary un-pauses the movie, seemling had enough of speaking to me. But that's okay, I'll get through to her somehow.
Clary POV
I can't believe Alec found me after three hours of me leaving the Institute. I thought it'd take him until tomorrow to notice me gone at least. I suppose it's nice he cared enough to come find me and is willing to talk to me but I'm not going back. All I've done is cause trouble from the minute Jace bumped into me outside Pandemonium.
I can't concentrate on the movie anymore, not that Alec has found me.
"Alec, why did you find me? You should be happy that I'm not in your life anymore." I say. I'm confused that it was Alec that found me of all people.
He sighs as he wraps an arm around my shoulder, an action I never thought he'd be capable of doing.
"Despite the fact that you're a pain in my ass, and can't follow the simplest instructions, you've brought something back into the Institute. You brought happiness back into the Institute." He says. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"I just don't know what to do, Alec. I'm an art student." I tell him. Alec tightens his arm around my shoulder.
"An art student who will be a kickass Shadowhunter. Clary, you're the daughter of Joclyn Fairchild, one of the greatest Shadowhunters of her generation. You won't believe how many stories my parents have told me over the years about her." I smile at his words.
"Look, if you need some time away from the Shadow World for a little bit, I'll support you, but please don't leave it completely. We need you. Me, Jace and Izzy all need you." He says. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Alec, I feel so alone right now. My Mom is dead, my best friend is a vampire, the man who raised me is a werewolf and is running the largest pack on the East Coast. I went out for my birthday and came back with a gift I never wanted and can't return. I'm drowning, Alec!" I rant. Alec sighs.
"Clary, I promise you, you are not alone. You have me, Jace, Izzy, you have Luke, Simon, Magnus, you even have my parents and Lydia and Raphael. You're not alone." He reassures me. I snuggle deeper into his shoulder.
For the first time in a long time, I don't feel quite so alone.
Alec POV
I smile when Clary finally falls asleep on my shoulder. I wasn't lying when I said I'd support her if she needed time away from the Shadow World, and I wasn't lying when I told her she had me, Jace and Izzy around her.
Now I just need to get her back to the Institute but that can wait. She still needs time away. I focus on the movie that's playing and not on the fact that I have Clary sleeping on my shoulder or the way that her warm breath is blowing on my neck.
"Alec." Clary mutters in her sleep. My phone buzzes in my jacket pocket and I take it out, reading a text from Izzy.
Izzy: Where are you and Clary?
Should I tell her where we are? I know she's been worried about her best friend but Clary might not forgive me if Izzy everything, so using one hand, I type a reply that isn't a lie but isn't the whole truth either but will satisfy the curiosity that seems to run in my little sister's veins.
Me: She needed time away from the Institute.
I put my phone on the coffee table and pull the sleeping redhead closer to me.
It looks like I'm sleeping here tonight.
The smell of coffee wakes me up, not the absence of Clary from my arms. The quiet thump of the cup hitting the coffee table fully wakes me up. I open my eyes and they see Clary with her cup of coffee.
"You okay?" I ask her, Clary nods her head, taking a sip of her coffee as she sits down beside me.
"Thank you, Alec." She says suddenly. I look at her from my peripheral vision: she's looking at me intently. "Thank you for last night." I nod and wrap my arm around her again.
"Anytime, Clary, you know that. Now what are you doing today?" I question, sipping my coffee. Clary sighs, tucking her feet underneath her.
"To be honest, I have no idea." She says. "I just need a few days to get my head on straight. Can you tell Izzy and Jace not to worry?" She asks, I find myself nodding even though I have no intention of going back to the Institute without her.
"I will but I'm not leaving you alone right now." I tell her. Clary looks at me. "Alec, I appreciate you looking for me and staying with me last night but you have the Institute to run."
"The Institute can last a few days without me there and besides if I'm needed, they'll call." I answer.
Clary looks out of the window and smiles. "When I needed to get my head on straight, Mom always put the loft on lock down. No one could get in or out and we'd spend the day clearing my head." I feel a smile pulling at my lips as an idea starts to form in my head.
"I'll call Izzy and tell her that I'm spending the day with you, then we'll lock the door and not leave until you've decided what to do." I say firmly. If not letting her leave the loft until she's gotten her head sorted out, then so be it.
Clary smiles at me over her coffee cup. "Okay." She says quietly. She places her cup on the table and hands me mine. I raise the lukewarm cup of coffee cup to my lips. It's good coffee I have to admit.
"Today is your day. We can do whatever you want to do." I tell the redhead. Clary smiles at me, a look in her eyes.
"Alright. I just need to wash the cups and tidy up the rest of the loft." The young redhead says as she gets to her feet with the two empty cups and walks into the kitchen.
Clary POV
I laugh as I watch Alec struggle to use chopsticks. "You're a Shadowhunter and can't use chopsticks?" I ask with a howl. Alec just shakes his head and twirls noodles with his fork.
"I hunt demons for a living, I don't have to learn how to use chopsticks when a fork will suffice." He retorts with a smile on his face.
This whole day has been the best day I've had in a long time. He stuck by his promise that we'd lock the loft doors until I figured out what I'd do. He helped tidy the loft, ordered Chinese for dinner, he even helped me draw and paint a portrait of my Mom and Luke for his birthday and watched one of my many tv shows without complaint.
"Thank you for today, Alec. I needed it." I say after swallowing a mouthful of Chinese food. Alec places his fork into his container and puts his hand on my knee.
"You're welcome." He says before his phone beeps on the coffee table. He removes his hand from my knee, picks up his phone and reads it. "It's a text from Izzy. She says that she wants us back ASAP, Aldertree is pissing her off." He says with a smile.
"I think we should go back to the Institute. I've decided what I want to do." I tell him, Alec drops his phone beside him and looks at me.
"What do you wanna do?" He questions.
"I want to be a Shadowhunter. I'd rather be in a world I don't know with people who want to help me become a Shadowhunter rather than in a world I do know by myself as a mundane." I tell him, Alec smiles. "Good, and we'll all be here to help you." Alec says as he finishes off his food.
I take his hand when I create a portal in the living room, a backpack on my shoulder.
I let Alec take me back to the place that is now my home.
I let him take me back to the place where I now belong.
Alec POV
Clary and I fall into my bedroom in a heap. I help her to her feet. "Hey, Fray if you ever need any time away from the Institute or feel like you're alone, you come and find me and I will be here for you." I tell her firmly. Clary smiles at me and nods her head, her red curls bouncing with the action.
Clary turns around and leaves my bedroom. The only sign that she was in my bedroom is her perfume that lingers in the air.
Three nights later, a knock comes at my bedroom door. I throw the art book I'm reading on my nightstand and get off my bed to open the door. I'm not surprised when I see Clary standing on the other side of the door, dressed in a long t-shirt that either belongs to Simon or Luke, tears running down her cheeks.
"You said I could come to you any time but you never said I could come here at night but it's just that I had a nightmare that felt so real that I needed to see you. But now that I know you're alive, I'll leave you." She rambles, turning around, I gently grab her arm and drag her inside my room, closing the door before she can run out.
"Clary, calm down and talk to me. What was your nightmare about? Why did you need to know if I was alive?" I ask her calmly. Clary just shakes her head and buries her head in my chest, I don't hesitate in wrapping my arms around her as sobs start ripping from her throat.
"I'm here, Fray, I'm here." I whisper to her.
In the middle of my bedroom, as I hold a sobbing Clarissa Fairchild in the circle of my arm, I find myself falling in love with her and when she cries herself to sleep, I pick her up in my arms and tuck her into my bed, smiling when she curls into me.
Clary POV
I wake up in Alec's strong arms. He's still asleep so I turn in his arms and smile at what I see: Alec's lips are slightly parted, his eyelashes brush his cheeks and his black hair is messy and covers his forehead.
The past five days that I've spent with him have been the best days I've had in a long time. He's taught me things about the Shadow World from a perspective.
I think I'm falling in love with him.
"I'll keep you safe, Clary." Alec says in his sleep. I let a smile come to my lips as I reach up and brush the hair out of his eyes which causes his eyes to open sleepily and a smile to come to his face.
"Good morning." He says. My mouth goes dry when I hear his morning voice so I say the only words that come to the front of my brain.
"I think I'm in love with you, Alec." I reveal to him.
Alec doesn't say anything but he does lower his lips to mine in the gentlest kiss I've ever had as the sun continues to rise in the New York sky, peeking into Alec's bedroom and covering both of us in a golden light.
Epilogue: two years later, Alec's POV
It's been two years since that morning in my bedroom and today, Clary is getting the Angelic rune. Everyone is here for her: me, Izzy, Jace, our Mom and Dad, Max, Luke, Simon, Magnus, Lydia, Raphael and a few of Luke's pack.
As soon as the stele in Imogen's hand is lowered, cheers go up and Clary is surrounded by Luke, Simon Raphael and Maia. Once she's in front of me, I hook my arms around her waist and kiss her deeply, pouring all my love and pride into the kiss.
"Well done, Fray. I'm so, so proud of you." I tell her once we've pulled away. Clary smiles before kissing me again. Izzy tackles her soon to be parabatai in a hug that would have knocked them both to the ground if my arms hadn't been around Clary's waist.
"We are all so damn proud of you, Clary." Izzy gushes as Luke's hand comes down on her shoulder.
"Your Mom would be proud of you, Kiddo." The werewolf says, Clary nods, sending me a look that says stop feeling guilty. Even though two years have gone by, I still feel guilty every day that I inadvertently killed Jocelyn Fairchild.
"Thanks Luke. With Valentine now dead, she finally has justice. And I swear on the Angel, Alec Lightwood, if you don't let go of your guilt, I will knock it out of you." She threatens firmly. I laugh and press my lips to hers again.
I'm so damn proud of the love of my life.
I can't wait to fight beside her.
Clary POV
I'm dancing in Alec's arms in the middle of our bedroom after Izzy surprised me with a party when I got my Angelic rune, the soft tones of Midnight by Liam Payne in the background.
"I've wanted to ask you this for a long time and I think now is the perfect time to." Alec pulls away and gets down on one knee in front of me, a ring in his hand, my eyes fill with tears.
"Clarissa Fairchild, I have loved you for as long as I can remember. You make the days worth living, you are the best part of my life. Will you marry me?" He asks, a smile at his lips, his blue eyes alight with hope that I'll say yes to marrying him.
"Yes, yes I will marry you, Alec." I don't even hesitate in answering.
He slips the ring on my finger and kisses me as he gets to his feet and swings me around.
I lie in bed, sweat cooling on my body, my head on his chest and smile at my sleeping fiancée.
I fell in love with Alec Lightwood the minute he showed up at the loft two years ago after he pleaded with me to let him find me and figure everything out and I've never been more thankful that he ignored me and didn't leave me alone when I felt the walls closing in on me and my loneliness.
A\N: This has been weeks in the making. I know this ending is rushed but it is -past midnight in the UK and the Liam Payne song is one I have had on repeat since I discovered it a few weeks after his death. I love this ship so much. This is my longest Calec oneshot to date but I have more Calec stories in the weeks to come as well as some more stories for some other fandoms.
I hope you enjoy, my Angels.