You see, though we travel together, we travel alone." - A Wrinkle In Time

Not for the first time, Loki wished Asgard had Netflix.

Of course, Netflix reminded him of Earth but everything still reminded him of Earth. At least this particular reminder had enough mindless shows to drown the memories out. A 'Real Housewives' binge watch would numb him better than any of his books or the strongest mead Asgard had to offer.

But Asgard did not have Netflix, and so Loki settled for conversations with Thor.

"Did I tell you, brother, that Darcy Lewis passed her PhD qualifications?" The chairs in Loki's chambers were small, barely containing Thor's musculature. There were larger couches in the receiving room, but Loki relished Thor's hunched shoulders and tightly pressed together knees. Unfortunately, it clearly didn't dissuade him from coming to talk to him, every single day

"I see Earth is keeping its standards when it comes to higher education," Loki drawled as he lounged on his bed, absently twirling one of his daggers between his fingers. He wondered, again not for the first time, how much amusement it would bring him to throw the dagger into Thor's eye. "Didn't she just start?"

"It's already been two years," Thor said, his brow furrowing. "Which you would know if-"

"If I ever left my chambers," Loki mimicked, his grip on the dagger tightening. "I left the cells-"

"Which you put yourself in-"

"And why should I ever leave here? The servants bring me food and drink and books, Mother brings concerned looks, and you bring your insufferable self and news of Earth I never asked for." Loki grinned and extended his arms wide. "All I could ever want."

Thor said nothing for a while, then sighed and wrestled himself out of his chair. "I asked Heimdall-"

No. Loki's grin vanished as he realized what turn this conversation was taking. "Stop."

"She's doing well, he thinks," Thor continued, unable, as ever, to follow the simplest commands. To spare Loki even the smallest bit of hurt.

"I said stop," Loki growled, springing from the bed and stalking to face Thor.

But Thor didn't stop, even when Loki brought the blade of the dagger to his neck, even if his voice rose in pitch. "In a matter of days, you might even travel to Midgard to see for yourself-"

"How would that help her? How would it help me?" Loki was on the cusp of driving the dagger home when his anger tripped over the revelation in Thor's words. "What do you mean, travel to Midgard?"

At least Thor was clever enough to not answer either of the first two questions. "The damage to Yggdrasil and the Bifrost - it will be mended far sooner than expected. Or so Mother said, though Father-" Thor paused, lips quirking. "Father didn't say anything, but I don't think he agrees."

"Of course he wouldn't," Loki said, and his hand dropped to his side - though not before his dagger drew a few beads of blood. "You'd think he'd learn not to question the woman who taught him everything he knows about magic."

"What can I say," Thor said, grinning as he briefly held his fingers to his neck to ascertain the damage. "We're a family full of people who should know better." He frowned at the bloody smears on his fingers. "Really?"

At least Loki could could tell Thor wasn't annoyed that he'd drawn blood, but that he'd only taken so little. Gods, Midgard had made him soft. Loki tucked the dagger back into the folds of his jerkin, and began stalking back towards his bed. "If I tried again, with feeling, would you promise never to come back?"

"I can't promise that, but I can go far away." Thor's expression was trapped between a smile and a wince as he tilted his head. "To Midgard, as soon as the Bifrost is repaired." There was a short, horrible pause. "I could bring her a message-"

Loki never should have let the dagger out of his hand, and he should have cut Thor's tongue out of his mouth minutes ago. Months ago. "And what would that be? 'I hope school is going well, and I'm glad Tony Stark has managed to keep you alive so far. Do you miss me, or are the nightmares you undoubtedly have of me enough?' Do you think she'd like that?"

"Brother, I-"

"Brother, I what," Loki whirled around, his voice on the edge of breaking. "I tore the realms apart to get away from her and that miserable planet. I will stay in my chambers and rot before I ever go back, or see or think of her again."

"You're kind of thinking of her already," Thor said with his infuriating pity softening his gaze. "Or at least talking about her."

The dagger was in Loki's hand and whistling through the space between him and Thor's shoulder before he even spoke. "I am better off without her. And now I'm done talking," he said, jaw trembling and fist clenched. "You can show yourself out."

Thor sighed and looked down at the blade in his shoulder, and the expanding red stain on the gold fabric beneath. "Good chat," he said, wincing slightly, but leaving the dagger be. "Same time tomorrow then?"

Loki waited until he heard the heavy doors from the receiving room to the grand hallway beyond close to collapse onto his bed, eyes clenched shut as he felt the sting of hot tears threatening to fall.

He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't send a message to her, see her, no matter who asked. He would stay locked away on Asgard, like he had since he walked away from the smoking tendrils of Yggdrasil's roots. Away from Odin's furious cries asking what he had done, Thor's disbelief, and Frigga's stunned silence, and into this room that held him tighter than any chains.

And he would reach for the worn leather wallet tucked into yet another pocket, take out the equally worn photo of Kara, laughing and clutching Captain America bear in her hands, and remind himself, again and again and again, that her only chance at a happy or even normal life was without him.

There were two people Kara always remembered from her dreams.

Dr. Doom was NOT one of them. Her therapist had taught her how to be more in charge of her dreams, and she loved finding new ways to kick the scary metal man out of her head. Turning him into a balloon and popping him had been fun, and she'd told all of the Avengers whenever she had this dream. Uncle Bruce LOVED hearing about it, every time.

Luke - no, Loki - was one. Her therapist told her she could make him leave her dreams too, and at first, Kara had tried. She turned Loki into a stuffed animal, had the Avenger bears beat him up, and then locked him up in a toy chest.

In her dream the next night, the Loki bear was lying next to the chest, tattered and torn and his stuffing coming out in a dozen places. It should have made Kara feel good, but she just mostly felt sad, and empty like someone had taken out her stuffing too.

But those dreams were never, ever as bad as the nightmares, the ones she couldn't control. The ones that scared her more than anything.

It was Uncle Tony who helped her the most one night after she came to him and Pepper's door crying. It must have been the middle of the night because Uncle Tony went to bed too late, or at least that's what Pepper always said. Hiccuping, Kara told them how in her dream, Loki had set the magic tree on fire, but then he and Kara caught on fire too, and she yelled at him to make the fire stop, it was hurting and going everywhere. But he just looked angry, then sad. And then the entire world caught fire and exploded, and Kara had woken up.

"Hey, kiddo," Tony had said, holding Kara's hand as Pepper had wrapped her arms around her. "You went through a scary thing. It's okay not to be okay for a while."

"How do I get okay again," Kara had sobbed, and Pepper's embrace had tightened, wrapping her in the smell of flowers.

Tony had looked at Pepper with a smile, and Kara had known, right then, he was talking from something he knew, that he had dreamed things as bad as Kara, and that he had gone from not okay to his version of okay somehow. "Lots of time, which is annoying. But also, getting help from the people who care about you, and you have a lot of those people here," he had said, gently squeezing her hand. "They help you figure out what you can do to be okay, and how to make whatever big, scary thing you're facing a smaller, less scary thing."

Kara had sniffled, even as the heavy feeling in her chest started to disappear. "So it doesn't ever really go away?"

Tony's smile had gotten a little sad, but there was still something in it that made Kara smile. "Nah, but if you have all those things I said, then instead of having this giant rock crushing you, you have a big rock your friends help you carry, and sometimes even a stone you put in your pocket."

Hope. That's what had been in Tony's smile. It was hope.

So, Loki was a rock Kara was trying to turn into a stone, but even with a therapist she loved and the Avengers, it was still Loki's fault the second person she could never forget in her dreams was dead.

Her mom.

The only pictures Kara had of her mom were the ones Nat had found when she first moved into the Avengers Tower, but they weren't even real pictures - just from her driver's license and other things Nat had found. Her mom wasn't even smiling in any of them. It was like her mom was already a ghost.

But in her dreams, Kara's mom was always smiling, even if it was a sad smile that made Kara's heart burst with joy and sadness, just like the end of Inside Out . She snuggled Kara in her arms, rocking her back and forth, and Kara floated in the haze of her mom's love that smelled like oranges and honey. Sometimes her mom rocked her beneath the shade of a tree - not the magic tree - but one smaller and closed in by tall brick walls.

"I wish this tree could grow all the way to heaven," Kara said, as she rested in her mom's lap, during another dream. "I mean, in real life. And then I could visit you and bring you back home."

Kara's mom brushed her curls off her forehead, and her smile was sad, sad, but there was something in it Kara recognized.

"Maybe you just need to find someone who can teach you how," she murmured as she and the brick walls and the tree and her sad smile faded away until only the hope remained.

As soon as Kara woke up, she found Nat in the kitchen making breakfast. Kara handed her the picture of her mother Nat had given her and asked if she could finally find out more about her.

"Is your form just awful, or do you need a break?"

Stephanie Strange, former neurosurgeon and present-day cancer survivor and guardian of the New York sanctum, tried not to grit her teeth. "I'm fine," she said, even though she was anything but fine. Her hands felt like they always felt these days, aka clumsy and on fire, which wouldn't be so bad if she was actually summoning fire.

Abril, her shorter, curly-haired sardonic shadow ever since that stop into a Washington Heights bodega for mints that changed both their lives(*), sighed, set down her phone, and scrambled closer to Stephanie.

Damn it. Abril either was getting better at observing her, or Stephanie was getting worse at hiding the pain that lingered in her intensive chemotherapy's wake.

"Okay, maybe a short break," Stephanie said, and let her hands drop into her lap as she bowed her head. "But just a short one." Because she was going to get these tao mandalas she'd been practicing for weeks down or collapse in pain and frustration trying.

"You know, it's okay to take a nap, or just lie down, watch clouds and say they look like completely ridiculous things," Abril patted the blue and white plaid picnic blanket beneath them. "There's a reason we wore our comfy clothes, besides the fact that neither of us are ready for the full magical look in public."

"I would so much rather have your sarcasm than your pity," Stephanie said, a little too quickly. Abril was just trying to help - in her own special and seemingly rude to outsiders way - and it couldn't be easy. Abril had been 'gifted' hundreds of years of knowledge on all things magical by the former Ancient One, but not the ability to do magic.

No, that was all on Stephanie.

"It's not pity," Abril said, rummaging in her worn out parasauropholous tote bag to pull out a brown glass bottle, the label worn to nothing by constant use. "There's a difference between endurance training and me being a sadist. Now, c'mon. Manos."

"I would have never noticed,' Stephanie retorted, reluctantly extending her hands even though they were aching for relief. "And I don't need the woo-woo witchy Bengay."

"Yes, you do," Abril said firmly, taking one hand gently before Stephanie could change her mind. "It smells weird but you know it works when your hands are this bad."

"Fine." As much as it annoyed Stephanie, Abril was right, and the little concoction of oils, extracts, and dried berries her little shadow had picked up at 'some bougie farmers market' did wonders, despite the smell.

"Such a child," Abril said, sprinkling a few drops of oil onto Stephanie's hands and then massaging it into one with well-practiced ease. "So, how is our magical scar in space-time doing?"

"Still a scar." Stephanie didn't even bother to hold in a sigh as Abril's hands and the oil began to ease the burning to a manageable warmth. "I still don't know why Wong said this was the most important spot in the universe at the moment. It's not doing anything."

"But it might. And until it does, we get to have picnics in Central Park. Though honestly, I can't wait until we can portal here and not take the subway.."

Stephanie cleared her throat. "Until I can portal us, thanks."

"Excuse me, but who is gonna teach you, and, more importantly, who's giving you and is gonna keep giving you amazing hand massages?" Abril lifted a single thick eyebrow over the top of her purple cat-eye glasses.

"Okay, okay," Stephanie said, not just because Abril was right about the teaching, but because these massages were one of the few things that made her pain bearable. "Still no word back from Wong with things like useful details? Signs that it might," she said as she waved her free hand in the invisible rift's general direction, "do something?"

"No," Abril groaned. "I know he's cleaning up the whole mess from Dorammu, but I also get the feeling he doesn't know any more than what the last Ancient One told him. You know, that whole part she conveniently deleted from the memory dump?"

Stephanie frowned, and for a moment, the Eye of Agamotto hung a little heavier on her neck. "There must be a reason," she said, and as Abril released her oiled, smelly, but much relieved hand, Stephanie touched the pendant lightly.

"I say we go annoy the Avengers again." Abril said as she dropped the oil back into her tote bag.

"Tony Stark is more annoying than it's worth," Stephanie replied. "Besides, they shared whatever they knew already, and we still haven't learned anything more about this tree or Thor's brother that we couldn't pull off Wikipedia. Or that magic artifact he used to do whatever he did to it, though I'd much rather do another museum trip than be billionaire-splained yet again."

Abril grinned as she pulled out a blood orange San Pellegrino, put it in a coozy that said 'Magical AF' in glittery, curvy script, and handed it to Stephanie. "The tree has a name."

"You know, I'd like to get a handle on all my new vocabulary for my new magical life before I start on the IKEA catalog of Norse mythology," Stephanie replied with slightly more sarcasm than usual. Abril was definitely a bad influence, even if she brought her favorite sparkling drink to all their training sessions and put it in a coozy to help Stephanie's hands. Usually Abril opened it, but lately, Stephanie felt not only more able to try, but more likely to succeed.

Stephanie popped the ring with a satisfying crack.

The very air and fabric of reality around them cracked back.

Loki staggered away from the window, dark spots dancing in his vision from the flash that had just illuminated all of Asgard. He flung his arms up, green-gold sparks arcing around him, and even if it had been two years, even if they were realms apart, his first thought was still 'protect Kara.'

Kara dropped her pencil before she even heard the explosion, or saw it in the windows. Her head suddenly felt very full, and her body felt very heavy, and she couldn't even say anything as her eyes closed and she slid off the dining table chair. But a pair of arms caught her before she could hit the ground.

And even though she heard Pepper's voice calling her name, smelled Pepper's flowery perfume, Kara could also smell orange and honey and feel her mom's imaginary arms around her. Kara knew Loki was there too, looking lost and sad, green and gold sparks floating around him - and her.

Kara reached out - to Pepper, to her mom. Maybe to Loki.

Everything turned blue, like a deep ocean on a sunny day. But then it turned dark, like something had eaten the sun, and for a while, Kara stopped knowing anything at all.