Chapter Eight
After the (somewhat) controlled chaos that was the holidays with the boys (both small and big), we finally got around to reading Lily and James's will. Molly volunteered to take the boys again for it, and that was honestly the only way I made it through the day. Lots of tears were shed, and not just from me. Most of the Potter fortune went to Harry, of course, but they left legacies for each and every one of the people they loved. But the biggest surprise was what they had planned for Remus.
"And for Mr. Remus Lupin, we leave no amount of money," the solicitor read, and I saw Remus's face start to shutter closed. "Instead, we leave him the position of steward over the Potter fortune until Harry reaches his majority, with a monthly salary of five percent of the total amount. We love you, Moony."
Remus stared at the solicitor. For a long time. "I- They can't- What?"
"I'm so glad it's you and not me," Sirius said, an easy smile on his lips, even though his eyes screamed his utter happiness at this turn of events. "I've always hated maths."
"Can I hire you for my accounts, too?" I asked, only partly joking. Between what I was getting from Lily and James, what I'd already inherited from Mum and Dad, and my divorce settlement, I was a bit overwhelmed. Add in what Dudley was inheriting from his auntie and uncle, well, that just made for more anxiety.
"Oooh, if you're available, I would love to hire you, too!" Alice Longbottom said. "I hate numbers with a passion."
By the end of the day, Remus had agreed to at least help all of us manage our accounts. He had a full-paying job, and his lycanthropy wouldn't affect it at all.
…
The last day of January, Nic caught me right after Sirius and I put the boys to bed. "We need to talk, Pet," he said, incredibly somber as he pulled me into the lounge, where the rest of the adult members of the household were congregated.
"What's wrong?" I asked, instantly panicked. "Who died?"
"No one," he was quick to assure.
"But you are," Danae countered. "This house… I know you love it, but it's filled with ghosts. Everywhere you look, there's memories of people who aren't here anymore. Your mum and dad, Lily, James, even Gid and Fab and Marly and Max. I know you're putting on a brave face for us and the boys, but it's killing you, Pet. You need a fresh start, away from all of this."
Before I could even begin to refute her, even if she was entirely correct, Nic continued,"And none of us want to leave you, we all want to stay with you and the boys. But there just isn't room for us all in this house."
"You're sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the boys' room," Lottie reminded, completely exasperated with me. "You need your own space, time away from the boys. It's healthy to have time away from your children."
"You've been reading your mum's psychology books again," I accused lightly, even though I knew she was right.
"How do you think I'm so good at my advice column?" she asked with a smirk. "And it doesn't mean I'm wrong."
She had me there, and a little sigh escaped from me before I realised it. "You've all talked about this without me, haven't you?"
"Of course, we have. We love you, Pet," Tina told me, completely matter-of-factly.
Remus shifted on the sofa. "It's true, Pet; we all love you and want to help you with the boys," he began seriously, then grinned just the tiniest bit. "But I've shared a room with Sirius for the majority of the past ten years, and I think it's time we parted ways, at least on that."
"I am the epitome of the perfect roommate!" Sirius declared hotly, utterly overly dramatic. "How could you say otherwise, Moony?"
"I think it's the hour-long showers you take that he might object to," Tina said dryly.
"It's actually the fact that he snores louder than Hagrid's boarhound puppy that I find most objectionable, but the showers are on the list. And there is a list, a rather long one," Remus assured deadpanned.
"I- How could you, Moony? I am perfect," Sirius said, looking for all the world on the edge of tears.
Their antics brought a smile to my face, which was no doubt their intentions, since Sirius then grinned at me. "So, what do you say, Petal? Would you be open to finding a bigger place with all of us?"
I sighed again. All of their arguments were perfectly valid and made complete sense; some parts of me were even ready to say yes. But the house, all the memories, was I really ready to say goodbye to all of that?
"You don't have to sell the house," Nic said, far too correctly guessing my hesitation. "Since Father and Alex are gone, I'm the last Selwyn by blood. And while I may have run away, Father never disowned me, so I'm the happy owner of the entire Selwyn fortune. I have more than enough to buy a house."
"And I still have plenty of money from Uncle Alphard," Sirius added. "We can get something with more than enough space for all of us."
"Something in the country, with more space and privacy for the boys to play," Tina continued.
"Especially because there's going to be another baby soon," Danae added, a tiny grin coming out as she placed her hands on her belly and Nic wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
My jaw dropped. The room was silent. Until, "Are you bloody serious?!" came flying out of my mouth. "I'm so happy for you!"
I all but tackled the two of them, with Lottie and Tina at my heels. We all might have talked over each other, which made it harder to get more information, but they eventually got out that they were about two months along, and it was a little girl.
"Which we absolutely needed," Lottie declared firmly. "The last two babies were boys, so this one needs to be a girl. To keep things more even."
"I'm not sure that's how things work, love," Tina replied, very amused, even while Sirius and Remus countered with the fact that there were more adult women.
"I'm just so happy for you two," I told Nic and Danae over the growing (playful) argument in the background, and I couldn't resist one more hug.
"Thanks, so are we," Nic replied, and I could see it. He was practically glowing, happier than I'd ever seen him.
"Even if Brontes keeps asking when we're getting married," Danae added, nose wrinkling.
"I thought you'd decided against marrying, thumbing your nose at the whole institution," I asked. Both had loudly protested the thought of marriage, even for wanting to be together for the rest of their lives, so I was confused.
"Oh, that hasn't changed, but Brontes thinks it should, with the baby and all," Danae answered, making more sense.
"No, it's much too much fun to rub it in my mother and her grandmother's faces," Nic grinned mischievously, wrapping his arm around her to bring her in for a cuddle. "I think Mother might actually faint once she finds out we're expecting."
Seeing them so cozy and so obviously happy sent a sharp pang through me. Vernon had never been so happy while I'd been pregnant, and he'd never wanted to be a real part of our child's life. I'd never had that support that Nic gave so automatically. At least, not from Vernon. Another pang nearly brought me to tears as I thought about how excitedly Gid had talked about having children, how he couldn't wait for them to be big enough to teach them Quidditch.
I slipped away easily enough, as everyone else was distracted by talk of the new baby, and I found myself in the attic, curled up in the ratty armchair that was older than me. The tears I'd held back came in full force once I was alone, first for Gid and the future we'd never have together, then the memories of all the times Lily and I'd played up there came crashing down, and I cried for her. And for James, and for Mum, and for Dad, and for Harry never getting to know his parents or any of his grandparents. For Sirius and Remus losing the other half of their square in one fell swoop. For Tina's heartbreak over her parents' divorce, and Lottie's worry about hers. But mostly, I cried for myself. It seemed like everyone I loved was dead, and I was left alone to pick up the pieces. I had to raise Harry on my own, when I already had Dudley. And of course, I loved Harry, was already loving him like my own son, but the tiniest part of me felt so… tired, so burdened by the task ahead of me. And everyone expected me to be so put together at all times, like I had all the answers to life. When I had absolutely none of them. And I felt like it was all on me, that I alone was expected to hold everyone up and keep a smile on my face while I was at it. I felt so utterly alone.
"Petal? You up here?"
Sirius's voice had me jerking up and hurriedly wiping my face. "Yes, I'm up here, but just tidying up," I lied, hoping he would leave me alone. I felt like the biggest ninny, crying all to myself in the playroom, and I desperately didn't want him to see me like that.
"You've been crying," he said, coming more fully into the room and clearly not heeding my mental plea to be left alone. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just a bit tired," I said, telling the same lie I'd told Vernon whenever he'd catch me crying.
Sirius walked to my side and crouched down, taking my hand as he looked in my eyes. "What's wrong, Petal? Is it Lily?"
The complete sincerity and compassion in his eyes overwhelmed me, and I burst into tears again. "She left me! She left me to raise her child, all by myself! Doesn't matter that I already have a child. No, she goes off and gets herself killed, and I get landed with her baby, who's now traumatized from seeing his own mother murdered. She left me, just like Mum, and Dad, and Gid. Everyone I love leaves me, and I'm stuck here to clean up the mess! I don't want to do it anymore!"
I shouted the last bit, but it was muffled by Sirius's shoulder, as he wrapped me entirely in his arms. "You're not alone, Petal," he whispered, smoothing my hair down my back repeatedly. "You've got all of us to help, and I love you, we all love you. I would die before I ever left you, I swear it."
"But that's the problem," I sobbed, clutching closer to him. "Everyone around me keeps dying. Am I a curse?"
"No, not at all!" he assured, and he wrapped me tighter in his arms. "You are one of the best people I know. You could never be a curse. You are a gift, the very best person I know. And the war is over, it's not taking any more of us away. I won't let it."
I knew he couldn't have any real way of enforcing it, but Sirius said it with so much promise that I couldn't help but believe him. "I'm holding you to that," I whispered, still against his shoulder.
"I'm a man of my word," he assured, and I felt him press a kiss to my hair.
AN: I know it's been forever, and I'm sorry. My mental energy for writing anything has been a bit sucky lately, to say the least. But I promise I'll finish this story, and to make it up to you, I'm posting two chapters today! So don't hate me!