Peter Parker blinked against the sunlight filtering through the trees, his head throbbing and his body strangely light. He sat up, brushing bits of grass and dirt off what he realized wasn't his usual Spider-Man suit—or even his usual clothes.

A pale blue dress with white lace trim and a too-tight apron cinched his waist, and black Mary Janes covered his feet.

"What the...?" Peter muttered, touching the absurdly oversized bow pinned to his head. "Okay, Peter. Either you've had way too much coffee, or you hit your head harder than you thought."

The last thing he remembered was swinging through the city, chasing some masked thief who'd led him to the top of a precarious construction site. Then a misplaced leap, a dizzying fall—and now, here.

"Whereishere, exactly?" Peter said to himself, standing and taking in the strange forest around him. The trees stretched impossibly tall, their bark spiraling like a barber's pole, while flowers with human-like faces giggled and whispered as he passed.

"I don't like this," Peter muttered. "Not one bit."

"Then you'redefinitelynot going to likethis," a voice drawled behind him.

Peter spun around to see none other than Wade Wilson—or at least, a version of him. Wade wore a patchwork suit of mismatched colors, a large top hat perched askew on his head, and an absolutely ridiculous grin that showed far too many teeth. His red-and-black mask peeked out from beneath the hat, but it was cut to reveal his expressive eyes and mouth.

"Wade?" Peter asked, his voice rising an octave. "What are you wearing? Where am I? Did you hit me with a truck or something?"

"Wade?" The man gasped, clutching his chest in mock offense. "How dare you, Alice! It'sHatter. Mad Hatter, at your service."

Peter blinked. "What?"

"You're Alice," Wade—or the Hatter—said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. He gestured to Peter's dress with a sweeping bow. "The girl who fell into Wonderland. Though, gotta say, Alice, you've got some serious legs. Do you work out?"

"Wade," Peter said slowly, trying to stay calm. "I'm not Alice. I'm Peter. Peter Parker. And this? This isn't real. It can't be."

"Oh, it's real, Spidey," the Hatter said, looping an arm around Peter's shoulders and pulling him close. "Welcome to Wonderland! Population: weirdos, lunatics, and occasionally, overly serious Avengers dressed like chess pieces."

Peter pulled away, rubbing his temples. "No, no, no. This is some kind of dream—or a hallucination. Maybe I'm still falling, and this is just—"

"—your mind's way of processing trauma?" the Hatter finished helpfully. "Could be! Or maybe you're just really bad at reality. Either way, might as well enjoy the ride."

Peter groaned. "Okay. If thisisreal, how do I get out of here?"

"You leave?" the Hatter asked, pretending to gasp. "But you've only just arrived, my dear Alice. And the Red Queen hasn't even tried to chop your head off yet! She's the real highlight of this place. Such an attitude."

Before Peter could protest, Wade grabbed his wrist and started pulling him along a winding dirt path. "Come, come! Let me show you around. There's a tea party brewing, and you're the guest of honor."

Peter stumbled after him, glancing nervously at the bizarre landscape. "I don't want a tea party. I just want to wake up."

"Tea first, existential dread later," the Hatter chirped.

The tea party was even more chaotic than Peter had expected. A long, crooked table stretched through a clearing, laden with teapots, mismatched cups, and plates stacked precariously high with colorful pastries. Heroes he recognized sat around the table, though they were barely recognizable in their Wonderland garb.

Thor was the March Hare, his golden locks tucked beneath fuzzy rabbit ears. Natasha Romanoff lounged on a chair shaped like a mushroom, her Cheshire grin glowing faintly in the dim light. And at the far end of the table, Tony Stark—dressed as the King of Hearts—sipped tea from a gold-rimmed chalice.

"Well, if it isn't Alice!" Tony called, waving a hand grandly. "Glad you could join us. We were just debating the most important question of all: cream before the sugar, or sugar before the cream?"

"Neither," Peter muttered, sitting reluctantly as Wade pushed him into a chair. "I don't even drink tea."

The table fell silent. Every head turned to stare at him.

"What did you just say?" Natasha asked, her grin fading.

Peter shrank back. "I don't... like tea?"

Wade gasped theatrically, clutching his hat. "Blasphemy! Tea is life, Peter—er, Alice. Without it, you might as well be a... a coffee-drinkingvillain!"

Thor pounded the table with a fist, sending cups rattling. "This cannot stand. Drink!" He shoved a steaming cup of tea into Peter's hands.

Peter stared at the cup, his headache worsening. "Fine. Whatever gets me out of here faster." He took a sip, grimacing at the overly sweet brew.

"Good, isn't it?" Wade asked, leaning close. "I added a little something extra to yours. Love potion, maybe. Or sleeping powder. It's a mystery!"

Peter sighed, setting the cup down. "Wade, if this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny. I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" Tony called, standing dramatically. "But we haven't played croquet yet!"

"And the Queen hasn't declared her judgment!" Natasha added.

"Judgment?" Peter asked, dread creeping in.

Before anyone could answer, a booming voice echoed through the clearing. "Off with his head!"

Everyone turned to see Steve Rogers—dressed as the Red Queen—marching toward the table, a scepter in one hand and a scowl on his face.

Peter gaped. "Steve?"

"Silence!" Steve bellowed, pointing his scepter at Peter. "You've disturbed the peace of Wonderland. Your punishment is decapitation!"

Peter scrambled to his feet, backing away. "This has to be a dream. Thishasto be a dream."

"Don't worry, Spidey," Wade said, stepping between Peter and Steve. "No one's taking your pretty head while I'm around."

Peter frowned. "Since when are you protective?"

"Since always," Wade said, flashing him a grin. "But you never notice, do you?"

Before Peter could respond, chaos erupted. Thor threw a teapot at Steve, Natasha dissolved into mist, and Tony started debating tea etiquette with himself. Peter ducked as pastries flew through the air, grabbing Wade's hand and pulling him toward the trees.

"Come on!" Peter shouted, dragging Wade into the forest.

"Running away together?" Wade called, laughing. "You do care!"

Peter ignored him, his heart racing as they sprinted through the bizarre landscape. Finally, they stumbled to a stop near a shimmering pond.

Peter dropped to his knees, panting. "This can't be real. None of it makes sense."

Wade crouched beside him, tilting his head. "Sense is overrated."

Peter looked up, meeting Wade's gaze. For once, the mercenary wasn't grinning. His expression was... soft.

"You're cute when you're confused," Wade said, brushing a strand of hair from Peter's face.

Peter blinked, heat rising to his cheeks. "Wade, I—"

Before he could finish, the world around them shimmered, the colors bleeding together. Peter gasped, the ground tilting beneath him.

"Wake up, Spidey," Wade's voice whispered as the world dissolved.

Peter jolted awake, back on the construction site. He groaned, rubbing the back of his head.

"Rough nap?"

Peter turned to see Wade standing nearby, his mask rolled halfway up as he munched on a chimichanga.

Peter groaned again. "You're not going to believe the dream I just had."

"Try me," Wade said, smirking.

Peter stared at him, then shook his head. "Never mind."

Wade grinned. "Suit yourself. But if you ever need a hatter for your tea party, I'm your guy."

Peter froze, his eyes narrowing. "Wade—"

Wade winked. "See you, Alice."