The Other Unwritten Rule

The loft was silent save for the sounds of digital death blasting from the television, which was to say not silent at all. But it was mostly empty. Brian was out doing whatever it was he did when he wasn't posturing for the benefit of criminals and idiots, Lisa had dragged their new member out for some clothing overhauls, and Rachel was walking her dogs. Again. For the fifth time that morning.

Alec was left alone to play his games, and that was exactly how he liked it. So he was mildly annoyed when he heard the door to the loft swinging open, and more than mildly annoyed when he heard the distant voices of two of his erstwhile teammates.

"You can hang out here until I get back, then we can see how those look as a complete outfit," Lisa said.

"Sure," Taylor replied, sounding very unsure to Alec's discerning ears. On-screen, he fell to the ground and began bleeding out, which was much more important than what he was overhearing. By the time he'd recovered from his near-fatal lapse in concentration, Taylor was in the kitchen rustling plastic bags around, and Lisa was gone.

Alec died in-game, to a completely unseen sniper, and his minor irritation bubbled up enough that he impulsively shut the entire console off, leaving a blank black screen.

"Alec?" Taylor called out.

"Bug girl," he responded. "What?"

"That's not my name," Taylor complained, coming out of the kitchen area to stand behind the couch. Regent watched her in the reflection of the blank television screen.

"Yeah, sure, it will be when the fuzz decides to put it on their wanted posters," he said.

"No – I'll have to announce my name in the bank." She frowned.

Regent, unseen by her, slowly grinned. "Huh, yeah," he agreed. "Did Tats tell you about the unwritten rules?"

"No killing, no going after civilian identities, those?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah, those, but I meant the one about names." He schooled his expression – easily done – and pulled his legs up to turn and sprawl across the arm of the couch, looking directly at the still somewhat wary girl standing behind it. "She leave that one out?"

Taylor frowned at him. "What is this rule?"

"The one." Regent waved an arm loosely. "She doesn't like it, but you gotta know it as soon as possible. How else are you supposed to pick a good name?"

Taylor looked down at him, before coming around to sit on the other end of the couch. "Is this about checking to make sure nobody else has the name I pick?" she asked.

"Nope, and you don't have to do that anyway. Just keep away from names used in this city, and you'll be good there." He sat up to face her. "So, here's the thing. Names are important."

Taylor nodded.

"And you want to pick one that makes sense, right?" he continued. "With some flair, a clever reference to your power, but it needs to make sense at a glance."

She nodded again.

"But not too much sense, because then you would be 'girl who controls bugs' and that's way too long to shout in a panic."

"Right. Is that all?"

"For civilians, that is all. For the Protectorate, a lot of the time that's all. For villains and rogues and independent heroes, though?" Regent shook his head. "No. There's one more thing you have to keep in mind. The other unwritten rule."

"So what is it, then?" she asked.

"It's kind of hard to explain," Regent admitted. "Let me walk you through some examples. We'll start with Grue. What's it mean?"

"Darkness monster," Taylor answered. "He makes darkness… I think it's a reference. I don't remember to what, though."

"That's the civilian-level analysis," Regent agreed. "But do you know what else it says about our fearless leader?"

Taylor shrugged.

"That's he's a vintage video game nerd," Regent revealed. "It's a reference to an old-as-shit game. A monster that attacks you if you stay in the darkness too long. Totally uncool to even know about, let alone play."

Taylor opened her mouth, probably to defend their hot team leader's manly honor, but Regent didn't give her a chance to interrupt. "He hides it, because reputation, but it's not hidden in his name, and believe me, he knows the game. Loves it. He's beaten it with his eyes closed, and he could teach you how to play if you asked and got him to admit it. Which he won't. But he all but admits it with his name, because of the unwritten rule."

"What?"

"Take another example," Regent continued. He was on a roll now. "Rune. Teenage Nazi bitch, telekinetic. What's her name mean?"

"It's a symbol, probably meant to be a Norse reference like a lot of the Empire?" Taylor said, sounding far more uncertain.

"Yup. But also," Regent smirked, "she's illiterate."

"She's at least fifteen."

"Can't read. English might as well be Norse runes to her, she can't understand either."

"No." This, finally, was too much. "I don't believe that."

"Believe it. Ask Tattletale about the time we got away from Rune because she had to ask directions in the middle of a chase, because she couldn't read the street signs. Or the time she was going to ambush us but accidentally revealed herself because her phone reads texts out loud."

"But – Why would she reference that in her name even if it was true?" Taylor demanded.

"The unwritten rules are all about making sure we don't cross lines with each other," Regent said. Now, he thought, she would get it. "And you know what helps most people go easy on other people? Humanizing the enemy. You know what humanizes someone? Knowing something embarrassing and personal about them."

They sat, on either sides of the couch, for a few moments while Taylor turned that idea over in her head.

"I can give more examples," Regent eventually offered.

"Armsmaster," Taylor suggested.

"Protectorate, so you can't count on his name following the rules," Regent reminded her. "But he's old-school in that regard so it does. Ever seen a competitive slap fight?" He held up a finger to forestall her denial. "Here, I'll bring one up."

Shortly after, he passed his phone to Taylor and listened to the tinny smacking noises that emanated from it. The video was fifteen minutes long, but she gave it back after thirty seconds. "He slapped people for sport like these guys?"

"Oh yeah," Regent confirmed. "Now, he didn't call himself Slapmaster for a reason – that would be too obvious to the civvies. We all benefit from them not knowing about this stuff. And it makes sense to them if he's Armsmaster. Sounds cool, uses a halberd… But do you really think he couldn't come up with a better name if he tried? It's Armsmaster for a reason."

"Uh…" Taylor pointed at him. "Alabaster."

"Parents weren't married and that bothers him, wordplay," Regent shot back.

"Kaiser."

"Bakes bread for fun. It's not even a Nazi thing, just a reference to Germany. He could've done better if he wasn't trying to adhere to the rule. Gimme somebody outside the Empire, they suck."

"Lung."

"Childhood asthma. He had his pick of names, though, that one would be easy to wordplay with pretty much any power."

"How could you know that?" Taylor demanded.

"He still wheezes a bit when he's not a rage dragon. Probably wheezes a lot more, now," Regent mused. "Another." She was, despite her incredulous expression, beginning to believe. Her objections had gone from denial to confusion.

"Shadow Stalker."

"Have we told you about her unhealthy obsession with Grue yet? That one is proven with evidence." And blood. And ruined couches.

"Vista," Taylor challenged.

"Under the Protectorate. She didn't get to pick her name and the pencil-pushers who did it don't know about the rule." He shrugged. "Same reason I've got nothing for Gallant, Kid Win, Triumph, or Aegis. Clockblocker, though, bucked their regulations and got his name out before they could stop him, and would you look at that! It fits the rule. There's a subset of capes who use their fetishes as the secret name reference. Don't know if it works as well, but hey. They do it."

"No," Taylor whispered.

Regent smiled. "Yes. Very much yes."

"Please, no," she repeated. "Please tell me that is a joke."

"Clockblocker," Regent listed off, flipping up a finger for each name. "Flashbang. Manpower. Purity. Squealer. Skidmark–"

"Stop!" Taylor cried out. "I believe you."

There it was. "You do? Sometimes people take forever to come around," he said.

"It kind of fits. In a really weird way. I don't think it works," she insisted, "but it kind of makes sense. Cops and Robbers. Tit for tat. Collateral. Stupid embarrassing personal facts… those can be collateral too."

"Yeah, common courtesy is to not mention it," Alec agreed. "Don't screw with them about it and they won't screw with you, and everyone gets to walk away with their dignity intact. And if somebody doesn't give a shit about the rules–"

"They'll probably break this one first without even thinking about it," Taylor said. "I do see. It's an early warning too!"

"Exactly." Alec spread his arms wide. "So… Usually we don't talk about it. The big exception is clueing in new capes. Now's your best chance. Keep going. I make a point of knowing or at least guessing at every cape in the city."

"Okay." Taylor smiled. "I do think I should know them all too. Uh… Oni Lee?"

Alec dropped his arms. "I actually don't know his," he admitted. "Way to burst my bubble. Either he didn't hear about the unwritten rule in time, or it's something subtle."

"That's fine," Taylor assured him. "We did Lung." She winced. "Kaiser, Purity," she blushed there too, "Fenja and Menja?"

"The obvious is giants from Norse mythology, but the subtle part?" Alec smirked. "Fenja is also a Russian word sort-of translating to feet. Menja, to eating. Fetishes again. It's not an exact match, but Nazis. Stupidity comes with the territory."

"Ugh. Crusader?"

"Gets into internet arguments for days at a time, is on his tenth PHO account. You can spot him if you keep an eye out, he's in every versus thread on the site."

"Night and Fog?"

"German imports as far as anybody knows, they don't count. Krieg is either the same or an unimaginative prick, and having fought him I say the latter."

"Stormtiger?"

"Furry."

Taylor's blush deepened. "To save time," and embarrassment, "what's the rest of that list? For the fetish capes. So I can just stop asking."

Alec thought for a moment. "Aside from the ones I've already mentioned?" Taylor nodded vigorously. "Hookwolf is also a furry, Coil's obviously got a thing for snakes that may or may not involve being crushed by them, Newter's is either a fetish or an admission… oh, and Dragon." Who wasn't in Brockton Bay, but she was a famous Canadian and he'd put a lot of thought into hers so he added it anyway.

"Dragon?" Taylor asked fearfully.

"Ever notice how none of her suits are proportioned like humans?" Either she was a Case 53, an actual dragon, or wanted to be one. Or she was remotely piloting them, which was the common consensus, but Regent refused to be tricked into accepting a binary choice when it could be that and something else too.

"What about Cricket?" Taylor demanded. Alec noticed and accepted her attempt to change the subject. He wasn't sure she even knew what some of the things he'd said meant, and if he tried to explain that would completely derail the conversation. Something for another time.

"Has one of those vocalizer things in her throat, can't do much more than chirp on her own."

"Oh. Victor and Othala?"

Finally, an end to the string of Nazis. There were so many of them! "Victor is boring and thinks unwritten rules are for other people – don't let him near you. He will steal your skills right out of your skull. Othala follows his lead in all things."

"Noted. What about the rest of Faultline's Crew?"

"Hmm… Well, Gregor the Snail could have a thing for snails. But I think I remember reading that some hero stuck him with the name right away. No meaning there." Just some hero being an ass. "They might do that to you if we don't get your name out there right at the start of the robbery."

"Right. Faultline?"

"No idea. Labyrinth is named after her favorite movie, though." Not all of them were obvious. "Faultline's name has to have a meaning. She wouldn't get half the business she does if people suspected her of not caring for the unwritten rules. She keeps it close to the chest, but it is there." One of the great unsolved mysteries of Brockton Bay.

Taylor nodded seriously. "She has to show she knows the rules to play by."

"Yup. That's pretty much everyone, isn't it?" It was not, and he knew it.

"I don't think I ever asked about Tattletale," Taylor said. "Or you."

"Mine's hard to guess," he said. "Don't spread it around, but technically I'm on a college board in Canada."

Taylor stared at him. He stared right back at her.

She blinked first. "What."

"One of the meanings of Regent is somebody who sits on a college governing body, and I very technically do back in Canada. It's bullshit and the college has like two attendees, but it's real. And it's really dumb." Why did every dipshit grifter with power – be it parahuman or mundane – and no morals eventually start a bullshit college?

"But you haven't even been to college yourself," Taylor objected. "Have you?"

"No, but nepotism knows no bounds. Don't you want to know about Tattletale?"

"Yeah. Sure." Taylor sprawled out on her side of the couch. "Hit me."

Alec grinned. "Now, see, Tattletale really doesn't like this rule. It might be part of why she didn't tell you about it. She likes to pretend it doesn't exist, but she followed it anyway. It took me months to figure out what her name hints at. You know Canary?"

"Yeah?" Taylor asked.

"Know how she's got those feathers in her hair?"

"Yes…"

"Those are real, and they're attached to her head." That little nugget of information was straight from Lisa, though she hadn't known why he cared at the time. "She grows them along with her hair. Some powers do that sort of thing."

"No." Taylor had already figured out where he was going with this.

"Yes. The proper spelling, not that she'll ever admit it, is Tattletail."

"There's no way."

"She spent a lot of money on little pocket-dimension coverings from Toybox. They do sell those. That's why you don't see it." Alec took a moment to enjoy Taylor's incredulous expression. "Ears too – she won't ever cut her hair short for fear someone will see the skin-colored little patches that hide them. She's a catgirl, and she hates it. Not her fetish. So she hides it, makes friends as best she can with a dog-girl to cover up her true nature, and will deny it to the end of the world."

"I never would have guessed."

"Nobody would have, but she put it in her name. Because as long as it's there you're following the rules and anybody who can suss out lies can confirm it without knowing the details. Also, because she likes to be clever." Like a cat. Probably. He'd never had a pet and cats tended to hiss at him. Just like Lisa!

"Should I know about this?" Taylor asked. "If she's hiding it…"

"It would be hypocritical of me to dish on every other villain in the city, including myself, but not her," Alec pointed out. "Just don't acknowledge it, and she'll be happy to pretend you don't know. Now… you need to figure out a name for yourself that works with your power and the unwritten rules."

"Yes," Taylor agreed. "I definitely do."

"Taylor, I'm back!"

Alec crept around a virtual bush, went prone, and pulled out his sniper rifle. "Come on, poke your head out…"

"Hey, Lisa!" Taylor hopped up from her end of the couch.

"You're eager," Lisa laughed. "Give me a second to put this down."

A four-pixel-wide brown blob poked out from behind cover.

"Hah! Headshot."

"And I see Alec hasn't moved a muscle," Lisa remarked. "So, Taylor – outfits?"

"Sure. I'll start with these, I guess. Oh, and I figured out a supervillain name while you were out."

"Really? What is it?" Lisa asked.

"Caterpillar. I'll be back in a second."

Taylor walked behind the couch, to her room in the loft so she could change. Alec tried to concentrate on his game, but he felt a presence behind the couch.

"Caterpillar?" Lisa repeated, dumbfounded.

Alec snickered.

"And why was she staring at my ass – Alec!"

What goes around, comes around. Lisa annoys him by dropping unwanted socialization with a flimsy excuse?

"I told you I don't have a tail!"

Letting her new teammate in on her secret was fair retaliation in his books. Besides, someone had to tell Taylor about the other unwritten rule. The way the Undersiders acted, they wouldn't have said anything!

Author's Note: Sometimes, you've gotta take a dumb premise and run with it. (I'm not going to check, but I'm pretty sure I've said that in an author's note before, in which case it's doubly true now.) As for the ending; is this an AU or is Alec grossly misinformed? Whichever is funnier.