Chapter 42 – the downside of mahogany
Yet another busy Friday dinner service at The Blue Spirit was slowly coming to a close. With only a few desserts left to serve for the remaining tables, Zuko felt comfortable leaving this task in On Ji's capable hands as he snuck outside to breathe some fresh air and clear his head. Zuko also quietly hoped that by the time he came back inside, On Ji would have already taken care of most of the post-service cleaning up, the most boring task in the world that Zuko strongly resented by now.
Following their lucky break with Zhao's audit, things had been going well for Zuko. He felt like he was surging ahead of Azula in this contest, a feeling that was incredibly satisfying but also deeply unusual for Zuko. Of course, Zuko wasn't going to relax this close to the finish line, because Azula could still pull of some scheme to undermine his success. Azula probably felt backed in the corner and desperate, which meant that she was becoming particularly dangerous.
Then again, perhaps Azula was relying on the personal visit and inspection by their father. Azula had always enjoyed a better relationship with Ozai than Zuko had, so she probably reasoned that she could sway their father to decide the competition in her favor. It was a legitimate worry for Zuko, and it made his anxiety regarding Ozai's visit that much worse. Their father would be arriving within a week, and Zuko's stomach was already tied into knots from merely thinking about it.
Having spent a good ten minutes sitting on a stack of wooden pallets, Zuko eventually got up to return to the kitchen, only to be nearly bowled over by a frantic looking Jet, rushing out of the restaurant's back exit. "Agni, where's the fire?" Zuko grunted, eyeing his boyfriend. "Did that dodgy looking lobster give someone food poisoning after all?"
"What? Oh… well, one guy did throw up in the bathroom, but this isn't about that. This is about something way more important," Jet insisted.
"There's something more important than a customer potentially dying?" Zuko wondered.
"That actually wouldn't be such a bad thing. Remember, Bumi gave us that loyalty discount for any more mystery meat we send his way," Jet reminded him. "Anyway, you're distracting me. What I wanted to tell you is that I managed to crack Jin's phone."
"Good on you," Zuko rolled his eyes. "Why is that important, again?"
Jet sighed. "Don't you remember? I told you last week how I overheard her telling On Ji about how she rates her sexual partners based on their performance, right?"
"Right," Zuko nodded. He had already dismissed that conversation a long time ago. Jin was totally obsessed with him. Obviously, she considered him the greatest lover on earth.
"Well, apparently she keeps her ranking system somewhere in the notes on her phone," Jet continued his explanation. "That's why I wanted to crack her phone. I needed to see those rankings!"
"You were so desperate to see if you ranked second after me?" Zuko chuckled.
Jet burst into bewildered laughter following that comment, making Zuko raise an eyebrow. "Is that what you really believe?" Jet grinned. Zuko shrugged, but his confidence in Jin's obsession with him remained unshaken. "Anyway, I have now seen those rankings for myself," Jet continued. "She had an older list too, from when she was still living back in the Earth Kingdom. It was a… remarkably huge list, too. Not that I'm judging Jin for her proclivities, game recognizes game, after all. It was actually pretty impressive. Anyway, she started new rankings after coming to Caldera City, and for now it's only the restaurant staff on her Fire Nation list."
"Okay," Zuko frowned, still unsure why Jet was so obsessed about Jin's ridiculous ranking system. "So, did you come second after me or not?"
"You're not first on that list, Zuko," Jet sighed, shaking his head. "Ruon-Jian is first on Jin's list." Zuko barked out a disbelieving laugh at that. "Then it's Mai in second place, ahead of On Ji. I'm fourth. You, my dear Zuko, are dead last on Jin's list."
"Good one," Zuko chuckled, certain that he was being pranked. "I must commend you on your commitment to the bit, too."
"I'm not kidding," Jet fumed. "And I knew you wouldn't believe me, which is why I gathered proof," Jet said, pulling out his phone and showing it to Zuko. It was a screenshot of a Notes app, ranking names in the order that Jet had just given him.
"I don't believe this!" Zuko burst into righteous rage. "My honor and reputation are both being called into question by this ridiculous list! How dare Jin cast these aspersions that I am anything but an amazing lover!"
"I'm feeling equally insulted," Jet nodded in agreement. "After all, we showed her an amazing time during all those magical threesomes we invited her along for. It's ridiculous that she did not appreciate our amazing performance!"
"Do you think that maybe she felt a little left out because of how much time we were spending on each other while ignoring her?" Zuko asked uncertainly as he and Jet exchanged long stares. Eventually, they both vehemently shook their heads. "Nah, that couldn't be it," Zuko decided, with Jet fervently nodding in agreement.
"I think Jin simply doesn't recognize greatness when she sees it," Jet said. "I mean, ranking Ruon Jian at the top of her list? That's ridiculous!"
"Exactly!" Zuko nodded. "I mean, I did hear through the grapevine that Ruon is ridiculously well hung. Apparently, he made several local horses so mad with envy that they threw themselves off the nearest bridge. Still, we both know that size isn't everything, right?"
"Right," Jet agreed eagerly. "Also, Mai in second place? She's not really that great, is she?"
"Well…" Zuko began, his thoughts drifting back to some of his most cherished private moments with Mai, memories that made him feel a little hot and bothered, not to mention incredibly conflicted about giving up on his relationship with Mai.
"Uh, never mind that, maybe that's not something you should be thinking about now," Jet said hastily in an attempt to shake Zuko out of his memories. "Anyway, I know that On Ji is a lot of fun in the sack, but there's no way she's better than either of us. It's obvious that Jin doesn't know what she's talking about."
"At least we're ranking above Ty Lee, that's something," Zuko sighed.
"Ty Lee isn't even on the list!" Jet groaned. "I guess we shouldn't expect her to sleep with Jin now that she's for some reason decided to go steady with Sokka."
"Well, even if Ty Lee was on the list, I'm sure we'd be above her," Zuko tried to cheer himself up. "She's probably crap in bed."
Jet rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I can't quite delude myself to the extent that you seem capable of doing, Zuko. There's no way that Ty Lee isn't amazing between the sheets, not with that body of hers. Also, she's a fucking gymnast. I can imagine her doing things that make me pitch a tent just from thinking about it."
"Well… whatever," Zuko fumed. "This is a slight on our reputations and we can't leave things standing like this, right?"
"Absolutely," Jet nodded. "We need to climb these ratings and take our rightful places at the top. Which means that we need to invite Jin along for another threesome and really shower her with attention, right?"
"Oh… yeah, that's right," Zuko said after a pregnant pause.
"Wait, were you thinking of a different plan?" Jet asked.
"Well, I was considering just bribing her to place me atop of her silly list," Zuko said. "But your plan is way much better and also more fun. Let's do that. Operation Impress Jin with Our Sexual Prowess is a go."
Suki was having trouble hearing anything over the loud cacophony of excited barks, meows and squawks that had erupted as soon as she, Yue and Kya had entered the local animal shelter. The animal caretaker, a young woman in her mid-twenties, who had tried to give them a tour, was forced to give up when Yue and Kya literally got stuck at every cage, cooing over its furry inhabitant. Suki was happy to accept the caretaker's offer to be close at hand whenever they had any questions, and otherwise they were allowed to roam around and check out the animals at their own pace.
Following Kya's heroics in saving the terrorist hostages in Yu Dao, Yue had eventually agreed that it was time to fulfil one of her daughter's dearest wishes for a pet of her own. Suki was very happy when Yue also got her involved, consulting with Suki whether she would be okay with them having a pet, and Suki was certainly more than happy to say yes to the idea. As a child, Suki had never had a pet of her own in any of her foster families. In one of the homes, her foster parents had a very aggressive dog guarding the yard. Said dog also made sure that Suki and her foster sisters didn't sneak out late in the evenings whether it was for dates or just meeting with friends, so having a proper pet was also going to be a new and exciting experience for Suki herself.
Seeing that Yue and Kya had been spending a lot of time at one of the cages, Suki decided to wander over to them and see what had captured their attention. In the cage that Yue and Kya were admiring, were three little kittens. One of them was completely black, the other was mostly black with a few white spots, and the third one appeared to be equal parts black and white. The kittens were just adorable and still very young, meowing, bumping into each other and acting a little clumsy.
"Is it time to go and fetch the caretaker?" Suki asked, sensing that Kya already had her heart set on one of these little furballs.
"Yes, I believe we're close to making a decision," Yue nodded with a broad smile on her face as Suki left to fetch the animal care lady.
"Ah, I'm not at all surprised that you want to know more about these three," the caretaker smiled knowingly. "We only got them a week ago. Crazy story, too… you might have read about it in the papers."
Suki and Yue exchanged stares. "I don't remember reading about anything like that," Suki said. "The papers usually don't write about kittens being put up for adoption?"
"Oh, sorry," the animal care lady apologized. She opened the cage and retrieved the squeaking furballs, handing one each to Suki, Yue and Kya, helping Kya hold hers properly. "It was a slightly more dramatic story than that. There was this man who wanted to get rid of these little darlings. You know, the horrible old-fashioned way, bag and drowning."
"That's terrible!" Yue exclaimed, looking distressed. "I'm glad someone stopped him!"
"In this case, I like to think of it as a divine intervention," the caretaker explained. "This man had stopped his car on a bridge. I imagine that he intended to throw a bag with the little darlings into the water below. But, as soon as he had climbed out of the car, he was struck by a passing semi and killed on the spot."
"Good," Yue nodded with a steely look in her eyes. "It's no less than what he deserved."
"Agreed," Suki said. "I guess that's why the story made the papers." The caretaker nodded at that. "Anyway, which one of these three are you thinking about, Kya?"
"Which one?" Kya asked. "I was thinking that we should adopt all three of them."
"Yes, I completely agree," Yue echoed her daughter's sentiment. She seemed to have completely forgotten her promise to Suki that they would limit their choices to only one pet, either a cat or a small dog. "These three are family. You can't break up a family. Especially one that has been through something so traumatic!"
Suki sighed, shaking her head. "Look, this just isn't what we agreed on," she tried to argue, looking at Yue and Kya, who were staring back at Suki with huge, very sad and watery eyes. They held up their kittens who sensed the opportunity to start meowing sadly, making Suki's resistance shatter instantly. "Argh, this is so unfair," Suki groaned. "Our apartment is too small for three kittens!"
"Well, our apartment is too small for many things, love," Yue smiled. "I think this will simply give us an added incentive to think about a larger apartment now that we're financially more stable."
"I guess…" Suki frowned, having to reluctantly agree.
"Also, we have to adopt all three of them because I already gave them names," Kya declared.
"What names did you choose, little lady?" the animal care lady asked kindly.
"I chose the names of Pai Sho tiles. Because I love Pai Sho and I'm good at it," Kya explained. She pointed at the completely black kitten. "This one is Rose." She then pointed at the equally black and white furball. "That's Lily… after White Lily tile." She then pointed at the last kitten. "And that's Chrysanthemum."
"That last one is a bit of a mouthful compared to Rose and Lily," Suki laughed.
"We'll call her Chrissy for short," Kya grinned. "And I think they like the names, too."
"They certainly do, because the names are very fitting," the animal care lady agreed, with Yue nodding along. Suki wasn't sure how the caretaker could tell the kittens liked their names because they seemed to be just meowing randomly.
"Those are great names, Kya," Yue smiled, looking beyond happy, which also meant an end to any further protests from Suki.
"It seems as though you have made your decision," the shelter caretaker smiled. "Shall I wrap them up for you?" she asked before placing the sad looking kittens back in their cage.
"Uh, I'm sorry?" Suki blinked. "Wrap them up?"
"Oh, just something we say at the shelter… shorthand for preparing the release forms and handling all the paperwork," the woman chuckled. "I'll need some form of ID from one of you, adults."
"Of course," Yue said, reaching into the purse for her Water Tribes passport. "Do we have to go with you, or can we keep exploring?" she asked.
"We promise not to adopt any other animals," Suki spoke hastily, making the others chuckle. The caretaker took the cage with the excitedly squeaking kittens away, leaving Suki, Yue and Kya to look around. Or, actually it was just Suki and Yue, because Kya had somehow managed to inexplicably disappear in an instant. "Now, where did that irascible rascal ran off to," Suki grumbled, starting to look around for the crafty four-year-old.
Suki and Yue began to comb through the rows of the packed shelter, creating even more loud excitement among its inhabitants, eventually coming across Kya as she stood in front of a larger kennel, looking absolutely enraptured. Suki's immediate reaction was to sigh internally, fearing that Kya might have fallen in love at the first sight with one of the larger dogs like a Labrador that they would definitely have no room for in their current apartment. However, when Suki and Yue walked up to the kennel to also take a look at its inhabitant, they both gasped loudly upon finding themselves face to face with a very severe and self-important looking pig.
"Goodness," Yue gasped. "It's a piggy! I didn't expect to find a pig in here!"
"Hopefully it's not demonic," Suki chuckled wryly, earning herself a restrained giggle and elbow to the side from Yue, and several confused looks from Kya.
"It most certainly is not a demonic pig," the animal caretaker surprised them with her comment, having appeared unnoticed behind them. The woman grinned as she handed Yue her Water Tribes passport. "Our noble friend here has a very interesting life story, in case you're curious," she added.
"I want to hear it!" Kya demanded.
"Sure, but I just want to make it absolutely clear that we're not adopting the pig," Yue felt the need to clarify.
"Oh, I understand that, but don't worry, the story comes without any hooks attached to it," the animal care lady replied. "So, you might be interested to know that Sir Cunningham, here," she continued, pointing at the proud looking pig. "Is actually a very valuable service animal."
"Sir Cunningham?" Suki laughed. "I love the name, it's perfect for a pig." Yue had to repeat the name to herself several times before she caught on and burst into laughter. She then explained it to Kya, who also started giggling.
"His previous owner certainly had a refined sense of humor," the shelter caretaker replied. "The man was a very famous Fire Army major with a no-nonsense attitude and a raging hard-on for discipline. So, as you can imagine, Sir Cunningham here is very well trained and has been taught to maintain excellent standards of hygiene."
"He does look very shiny and clean for a pig," Yue said in a voice full of admiration.
"Indeed," the animal care lady nodded. "The Fire Army major was one of those types who would have died on the job unless the army hadn't forced him to retire from active service due to 'poor eyesight'. The truth is that he was completely blind from some kind of explosion. I think it had something to do with a phosphorus bomb going off almost in his face?"
"That's badass!" Suki exclaimed. Yue also looked enraptured by the story because she completely forgot to admonish Suki for using a swearword around Kya.
"So, did he get a service pig to help with his disability?" Yue asked.
"Exactly," the animal care lady replied. "That stubborn man tried to hide his disability until his final breath. That's why he didn't want a service dog like most blind people. He thought that people would immediately recognize his disability. When he discovered that a pig could also be trained to serve as a service animal, he was desperate to get one. Sir Cunningham made the last three years of the major's life much more bearable."
"How old is he?" Yue asked.
"Sir Cunningham recently reached adulthood by turning six," the lady explained. "This breed of pigs can easily live up to eighteen years, so he has a good ten quality years ahead of him."
"What's with all these questions anyway, Yue?" Suki asked, feeling a little suspicious.
"Oh, come on, don't tell me you're not thinking what I'm thinking," Yue smiled at her.
"I mean… I do have a sudden craving for pork chops with my patented apple sauce and caramelized onions," Suki chuckled.
"That's not-… ugh, you can be so mean!" Yue glared, reaching out to pinch Suki's arm. She immediately softened, though, giggling. "That was horrible, Suki. Anyway," she turned back toward the animal care lady. "We have a friend with the exact disability as the major. I wonder if Sir Cunningham would fit as a pet and service animal for her."
"I don't see why not?" the animal care lady shrugged. "As long as she's not allergic to pigs. Sir Cunningham has a sunny disposition and takes well to just about anyone." The pig was currently proving the caretaker's point by having wandered up to the bars of the kennel, eating a boiled potato out of Kya's hand.
"I don't think Toph is allergic to pigs. She's been handling pork for years," Suki quipped.
"Hilarious," the shelter lady deadpanned. "Will you be taking the pig, then? Shall I wrap him up for you?"
"Yes, please!" Yue replied excitedly.
"Wait a moment," Suki exclaimed quickly, feeling alarmed by Yue definitely getting too carried away. "Where are we going to keep the pig? I assume you mean it as a gift for Toph's upcoming birthday, but it can't stay in our little apartment until then."
"Yes, I would not recommend that for another important reason," the shelter lady warned. Suki and Yue both looked at her for an explanation. "Pigs eat just about anything. Sir Cunningham is very well behaved, but I don't think he has exactly been trained to not eat kittens."
"Oh, ouch," Suki cringed, while Yue looked horrified. "But maybe we can find room for him elsewhere. What about the restaurant's basement? Toph doesn't really go down there anymore, right?"
"Nobody goes down there aside from Sokka, especially now that he's making all those renovations," Yue said. "But I think some of the storage rooms down there would be comfortable for a pig."
"That sounds suitable," the shelter lady said. "I'll go prepare the paperwork for Sir Cunnigham. Along with some additional information that should be useful for new pig owners. I have a feeling it might come in handy."
"Absolutely," Suki said. "Come to think of it, we'll come with you," she added, taking Yue's hand. "Lest we run into something else that we absolutely must adopt…"
"Aww," Yue pouted, motioning for Kya to follow them back to the shelter's offices where their kittens were already waiting for them in a brand-new cat carrier.
"Bye-bye piggy, we'll be back for you soon!" Kya waved at Sir Cunningham as she hurried after Suki and Yue. The pig accompanied their retreat with a soft oink of approval.
"It's just not fair," Ty Lee complained. It was a break between services at The Blue Spirit and she was sitting down with Mai at the manager's office. They were both sipping their lattes with feet propped up on Mai's desk.
"What's not fair?" Mai asked lazily.
"Jin's sex performance rankings," Ty Lee replied. After Jet had cracked Jin's phone and taken screenshots of Jin's ranking list of her sexual partners, it had become all the talk around the restaurant. It was also the reason why Ruon-Jian was now strutting around, preening with an underserved sense of accomplishment.
"Don't tell me you care about that silliness," Mai snorted.
"Why wouldn't I?" Ty Lee protested. "I feel slighted for not being included. I bet I would be on top of those ratings. Ugh, this is such a downside of mahogany, I can't defend my reputation of being the best at sex."
"I think you mean monogamy, not mahogany," Mai laughed. "Anyway, I hope you're not thinking about doing something stupid like sleeping with Jin, just to prove a point. You're always going on about how great Sokka is, surely you don't want to ruin that?"
"Of course not, why would you say that?" Ty Lee asked, looking horrified.
"Well," Mai said, a little hesitantly, as if she was about to bring up an uncomfortable topic. "Let's face it, Ty Lee. You've tried steady relationships before, and most of the time they failed because you became bored. Sorry if that's too real for you, but it's true."
"And you think it's going to happen with Sokka, too?" Ty Lee asked, feeling more worried than offended.
"I hope for your own sake that it doesn't happen," Mai shrugged. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but he actually seems good for you. Still, you can't blame me for being a little unconvinced… and worried."
"Well, I totally intend to prove you wrong, Mai," Ty Lee said resolutely. "I'm definitely not going to do anything that makes Sokka upset. Like cheating on him, because that would be bad." Mai gave Ty Lee an inscrutable stare at that comment. "Anyway, I still want to have sex with Jin because I deserve to prove how good I am in bed, but I wouldn't do that in a way that hurts Sokka."
"I have a feeling that these two desires of yours are incompatible," Mai snorted. "Unless Sokka would be into watching you and Jin have sex. Some guys are really into that. Or maybe he would be up for joining you and Jin."
"Those are… some of your best ideas ever, Mai," Ty Lee exclaimed, bouncing with such excitement that she nearly toppled over her chair. "I should talk it over with Sokka." Ty Lee thought some more, then snapping her fingers as another idea occurred to her. "Also, with Sokka's birthday coming up, maybe I could arrange it as his birthday present? Maybe it's something he would enjoy?"
"No harm in asking, right?" Mai shrugged.
"Exactly," Ty Lee nodded excitedly. "I feel a lot better about this idea now that Jin is no longer living in cardboard boxes or trash bins, but has an actual rent apartment and is showering regularly. She actually looks like a fine catch now!"
"Well, if there was someone who needed to straighten out their life, it was probably her," Mai said. "Now she just needs to let go of the last of her Zuko obsessions. Zuko seems dead set on going steady with Jet, anyway," she added, looking conflicted and just a little bit sad.
"Eh, Zuko has always been a silly bugger," Ty Lee shrugged. "Anyway, maybe I'm getting too invested in these sex performance ratings. They're probably all wrong anyway. I mean, how could someone like Ruon-Jian rank above my totally smoking hot bestie who's obviously absolute fire between the sheets," she grinned, playfully punching Mai's shoulder.
"Actually," Mai began with a slow smile.
"Oh no… is it really true what they're saying about Ruon's dong?" Ty Lee gasped, her eyes widening with shock.
"Let me put it this way to you, Ty Lee," Mai grinned. "Ruon-Jian has no actual useful skills that we can use around the restaurant, and he has the personality of a doorstop. So, there has to be another reason why I keep him around, right?"
"Right," Ty Lee nodded. "You are talking about his enormous penis, yes?" she asked, wanting to be completely sure.
Mai burst out in an uncharacteristic bout of laughter. "Never change, Ty Lee," she chuckled before quickly recomposing herself.
"Why not just go steady with Ruon, then?" Ty Lee asked. "He would absolutely love that. He still keeps talking about your imminent wedding, you know?"
"I do know," Mai rolled her eyes. "And I'm sure he would love that, but remember what I said about him having the personality of a doorstop. And personality is rather important if you want to go steady with someone."
"True," Ty Lee nodded. "It's why I'm not worried about getting bored of Sokka. He always has something new and exciting going on. He's a real big ideas guy."
"Yeah, the biggest idea I've seen Ruon have is to switch the channels on my TV," Mai snorted. "See, for all of Zuko's faults, boredom definitely wasn't the issue with him. Just like you said about Sokka, Zuko always had something going on. Sometimes I felt like maybe there was too much drama, but-"
"But now you miss it," Ty Lee finished after Mai had suddenly fallen silent.
"Ugh," Mai grunted, getting up from her seat and starting to pace. "I don't want to be missing that or anything about Zuko. It's ridiculous that I can't move past it. Me, the girl who never cares about anything too deeply. Everyone knows that's me, right?" Mai ranted.
"Right, I remember that time years ago when I was dating a fire breather in a traveling circus, and he dumped me before kicking me out in the middle of a forest. And when I called you at 3am in the morning, you instantly jumped in your car and drove fifteen miles to pick me up. So shut up about not caring about anything or anyone," Ty Lee stated. "If anything, maybe you care too much and you're terrified about getting hurt. I think that's why instead of fighting for Zuko, you would rather pretend that you don't really care. You're so afraid that he has already chosen Jet over you."
"But he has chosen Jet over me," Mai sighed. "Anyway, that was quite the rant. Where did that come from?"
"Don't tell me I wasn't spot on," Ty Lee grinned. Mai shrugged and let out another sigh. "Exactly. I don't always read people right, but come on, Mai. I know you."
"I suppose you do," Mai admitted with a small smile.
"You bet," Ty Lee beamed. "And since I know you so well, I also know what you need right now. A night of heavier than usual drinking, just you and me, and several bottles of hard liquor. I'll let Sokka know that my bestie needs me tonight and then we can punch our livers together, what do you say?"
"I say that you do know me well, Ty Lee," Mai smiled at her best friend.
Between the restaurant services, Katara had retreated to the upstairs apartment, settling in comfortably in one of the sofas with a pencil and notebook in her hands. There was still so much left to plan for the big birthday celebrations on Sunday, and the to-do list in Katara's notebook was growing steadily, even if many tasks had already been completed and crossed out. With Sokka's birthday being on Saturday and Toph's on Tuesday, both of which were important opening days for the restaurant, everyone had agreed to simply close early on Sunday and then throw a big joint party for the birthday pair.
Of course, Katara had not counted on Yue and Suki throwing an unexpected spanner in the preparation works by completely out of the blue picking up a service pig at the animal shelter and then using the restaurant basement as the temporary home of Toph's future pet. Before actually meeting the friendly hog Sir Cunningham, Katara had been very skeptical about this idea, but seeing how well behaved and clean the pig was, Katara was starting to warm up to Toph having a pet pig.
Katara hadn't been at all skeptical about Yue and Suki adopting not one kitten but three little baby cat sisters. The entire group of friends were showing up at Yue's apartment every day to deliver new treats and toys, and just generally freaking out and obsessing over Rose, Lily and Chrissy. Kiyi had already done two sleepovers at Kya's place, and she was currently on a charm offensive to convince Ursa that she deserved a pet of her own. Ursa had agreed on the condition that Kiyi first improve some of her grades. Kiyi was now hanging out at the restaurant every day after school, trying to get Azula or Sokka involved with her homework.
"Hey, uh… Katara?" Katara was just about to return to her to-do list for the birthday party, when she was interrupted by Azula addressing her in an unusually hesitant voice. Or, it would have been unusual before Azula had asked her to move out. After the breakup – which wasn't technically a real breakup because they had never defined their relationship as being an actual couple – Azula was always walking on eggshells around Katara, acting like she was being wracked with guilt over what had happened, but the attitude was only serving to for the first time make Katara properly annoyed with Azula.
"Yes, what is it?" Katara forced herself to reply without sounding too harsh. She'd been trying to treat Azula's delicate family situation with her usual soft understanding, but over the past few weeks, Katara had started to run out of sympathy. At first, Katara had felt that she could not compete with the wealth and fame that would come Azula's way once she was confirmed as the chosen heir of Ozai Nakamura, but now Katara firmly believed that she had been selling herself short. Katara knew she had a lot to offer to Azula, and if Azula couldn't see that then maybe she didn't deserve her. Katara was growing increasingly angry about coming second to Ozai Nakamura of all people, and only because Azula couldn't find her lady-balls to stand up to her daddy.
"I'm having some difficulties in choosing a gift, and I thought maybe you could help me," Azula said, sitting down opposite to Katara. She was wearing one of her incredibly effective red miniskirts, making Katara curse her weakness when she simply could not stop staring. "Finding one for Toph was easy-"
"What did you get her?" Katara asked, interrupting the other girl. "Unless you want to keep it a secret, of course."
"Well, I don't think you're going to tell Toph, so there's no reason not to tell you that I got Toph a custom-made Torture Me Elmo doll," Azula explained. "When I read the description that it came with its own breakable spirit and detachable retinas, I knew that Toph would love it."
"Gruesome," Katara chuckled. "I'm sure Toph will love it, it sounds right in her wheelhouse. I was sure they were called Tickle Me Elmo dolls, though?"
"Well, this one is like a custom-made parody version," Azula smiled. "It comes with a whole host of toy torture implements and the doll has a selection of custom cries depending on how you choose to torture it. It's all highly ingenious."
"Sounds very well adjusted," Katara rolled her eyes. "But you said you were having trouble picking a gift?"
"Yes, I'm not quite sure what to get for Sokka," Azula admitted. She shuffled nervously in her seat, involuntarily pulling the miniskirt a little higher up her thighs and accidentally exposing Katara to way more than she was entitled to. "I was wondering… if maybe we could share the costs and get him something together. I'm sure you have plenty of ideas as to what your brother would like."
"Oh," Katara immediately felt like she had been doused with cold water. "I don't think that would be entirely appropriate." Azula gave her an uncertain and slightly worried stare. "I mean… we're no longer playing pretend girlfriends after you asked me to move out, so it would be a weird look," Katara shrugged.
"It wasn't what I wanted, but I thought you understood the situation," Azula said, but her defense came off very half-hearted. "You're mad at me, I understand. I expected that. Although, I thought you would blow up at me back when I told you that you'd have to move out before my father arrived."
"Back then I was just… sad. The anger has been building since then, I suppose," Katara replied, forcing herself to remain calm. "I just can't go back to… I don't even know what. Being friends, I guess? Well, it's not working for me. I guess I'm just too mad at you."
"I did try to be honest about my intentions-" Azula began, but Katara was in no mood to listen.
"It's not about that. You just don't get it, Azula," Katara snapped, shaking her head. "It's… about how easily you roll over for your dad. I mean, you won't even fight for us! I guess it just didn't mean that much to you. I must not mean much to you."
"That's… that's not true," Azula stuttered, all color having drained from her face. Katara didn't respond, simply glaring at Azula. The other girl remained like frozen for the longest time, and Katara almost started to worry about having broken Azula permanently. Eventually, Azula spoke up with a resolute look on her face. "Alright, I have made a decision," Azula said. "When my father comes to Caldera City, I'll tell him that I want to date another girl. You have my promise."
"It would be a start," Katara said. She was still skeptical that Azula would do it, because she seemed to have a deeply unhealthy fear of Ozai, but it was probably a big step for her to even make such a declaration.
"Is it enough to stop you from being angry with me?" Azula asked hopefully.
"I guess so," Katara chuckled. Azula looked like such a miserable loser right now that it was impossible to stay mad at her. "We're still not getting a shared gift for Sokka. You'll have to buy him something yourself."
"Oh, pfft, that's not a problem, I already have a dozen ideas for Sokka's gift," Azula smirked. "Seriously, Sokka is the easiest person ever to shop for."
"But… you said you needed help-" Katara blinked.
"Oh, that was just a pretext for speaking with you," Azula coughed awkwardly. "Anyway, I'm going to run and pick up Sokka's gift now. Just don't forget that you're no longer angry with me!"
"Ugh!" Katara grunted, sighing and rolling her eyes as Azula made a quick exit. "Why do I always fall for complete human disasters?" she chuckled to herself.
"Good morning, kids!" Sokka spoke cheerfully as he entered the kitchen of The Northern Lights where Toph and Aang were already busy prepping for the day's services. Suki was yet to show up, but Sokka was generally permissive of her arriving a little later because he understood that settling in with her new family and now also having to play parent to not just a very bright and inquisitive young girl, but also three kittens, meant that Suki had a lot going on in her life right now.
"Good morning, dad!" Aang and Toph answered as one, laughing as they heard Sokka let out an exasperated groan.
"Ugh, I guess I walked into that one," Sokka chuckled. "Still, crack jokes all you want, because I'm in an amazing mood today. The business is booming, my girlfriend is all sorts of amazing and tomorrow is my birthday. Life is good."
"We've been on a roll lately, haven't we?" Aang grinned, nodding in agreement. Toph was making a face nearby, no doubt annoyed by their happy wholesomeness, but Sokka decided to just ignore her.
"We have," Sokka replied. "Things have been going great." He then paused, scratching the back of his head. "Although, something just happened and it made me very confused."
"Confused sounds perfectly normal for you, Sokka," Toph snorted. Sokka stuck his tongue out at Toph and then also very maturely blew a raspberry.
"What made you confused, Sokka?" Aang asked.
"Well…" Sokka hesitated slightly. "I'm not sure I should be telling you about this, but… you're the only ones currently here and I need a second opinion on this thing. So, I just received a whole bunch of pictures from Ty Lee-"
"Only you would get confused by your girlfriend sending you nudes, weirdo," Toph laughed.
"They're not nudes!" Sokka protested. "Well… not exactly, anyway. The photos are a little risqué, sure, but her waitress unform mostly stays on."
"Spicy," Aang chuckled. "And yet, it's hard to understand what about that made you confused, Sokka."
"Well, it's the fact that it's not only her in the pictures, it's Ty Lee together with the other waitress, her friend Jin," Sokka explained.
"Okay, that's unexpected," Aang nodded in agreement. "Are they… making out, or something? Is there anything inappropriate going on?"
"I wouldn't say that, but… the way they're posing in the photos is… maybe a little explicit and suggestive? Here, I'll show you," Sokka said, retrieving his phone.
"I'm not sure I should be looking at those pictures, Sokka," Aang said, at first trying not to look when Sokka shoved the phone in his face, but then curiosity got the better of Aang and he took a peek at a picture of Ty Lee and Jin both playing with the second button of their uniform top, the first button already opened and showing off some very generous cleavage. "Oh… oh wow…" Aang gasped, his eyes growing wide. Then he unexpectedly yelped in pain, dropped the frying pan he had been holding and started jumping around the kitchen, whimpering.
"What's going on with you, Twinkletoes?" Toph demanded, sounding both worried and annoyed.
"I just poured some boiling oil all over my legs," Aang whined.
"That's not the most effective way of deep frying yourself, you know," Toph snorted. "Anyway, Sokka, next time keep your porn to yourself. As you can see, it makes our kitchen a hazardous work environment."
"Ugh, it's not porn, I think Ty Lee and Jin are just being nice and friendly because tomorrow is my birthday," Sokka sighed. "See, Ty Lee even sent me a text message afterwards, asking whether I have decided what I want for my birthday gift."
"Right," Aang said, busy applying an ointment to a nasty looking red spot on his left calf. "So, you're confused because…"
"Well, I wasn't completely sure what the photos and the message meant," Sokka shrugged. "I almost feel like maybe Ty Lee is trying to tell me something? Maybe she's made a reservation for us at her restaurant? It would be a little awkward to eat in the enemy territory, so to speak, but maybe that's her gift?"
"You're pretty dumb, you know that?" Toph sighed. "I can't believe it's the aromantic bitch who has to spell it out for you, but I'm pretty sure your girlfriend is trying to sell you on a threesome with her hot bitch friend."
"What?" Sokka blinked. "That can't be it. You make Ty Lee seem like some sort of sexual deviant when she's nothing but the sweetest of girls."
"Nothing says that sweet girls can't also be sexual deviants, right?" Aang asked, still busy applying the burn cream to his leg.
"I guess you would know, Aang," Toph laughed. "All the girls think you're such a sweet boy, and yet you get off by dressing up as a large yellow parrot."
"Ugh, I keep telling you it's a spiritual, not a sexual thing for me!" Aang protested.
"Whatever," Sokka shook his head at the argument between his friends. "I guess I'll text Ty Lee and see if I can get another hint at what she meant with her message." Sokka quickly sent the text, hardly able to contain his excitement as he quietly hoped that Toph's guess would prove correct. Ty Lee's response left very little room for interpretation, and also made Sokka go rather red in the face from its frankness. "Alright… uh, you might have been right, Toph," Sokka admitted, coughing awkwardly.
"Told you so," Toph laughed. "Just remember that it was me who set you up for a sweet threesome with Ty Lee and her presumably hot waitress friend."
"You angling for a bonus, Toph?" Sokka chuckled. "Anyway, I guess it's time for me to continue with the basement repairs. I was honestly crazy to agree to do it all by myself, but at least I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel."
"Well, have fun with that," Toph shrugged. "Oh, by the way," she spoke up just as Sokka was about to leave the kitchen. "I thought I heard some weird noises coming from the basement earlier. Have either of you heard anything?"
"What sort of noises?" Aang asked, giving Sokka an alarmed stare.
"It's hard to describe," Toph mused. "Like some kind of weird murmuring."
"Oh…" Sokka snapped his fingers, having quickly thought of a way to distract Toph from discovering her gift prematurely. "I didn't mention it before, but I got myself a new power drill. It makes strange noises, especially when I start it up. It kind of goes oink-oink-oink…"
"A power drill that goes oink-oink-oink?" Toph asked, scratching her head. "Never heard of anything like that."
"I think it's a brand-new design, isn't it, Sokka?" Aang tried his best to salvage the situation.
"Exactly," Sokka nodded. "It's one of those new Hog Industries power drills," he added, grinning as he left the kitchen… not to return to his repair works in the basement, but to instead quietly slip upstairs to give those exciting photos that Ty Lee had sent him a particularly thorough inspection.