Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to BioWare.
Author's Note: This story does not necessarily follow any particular timeline and may not be considered chronologically accurate.
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"'Kissing' me?" he repeated. "What is that? Is it normal?"
Smile widening, the older man sat down across from Vadix on the bunk just past Cassana's, watching the spread of emotion playing across his face. "You don't have a lot of experience with human women, do you?"
The recruit wanted to be offended at the condescending words. But he knew it was true.
So, instead, he nodded his head consciously, mandibles and brow plates pulling in toward his mouth. "I don't have a lot of experience with women, period," he finally admitted.
"Oh?" Garrus sounded surprised, for which Vadix was grateful. At least he wasn't making him feel worse due to his obvious lack of knowledge.
Vadix shrugged. "Guess I never cared much for socializing. And even if I'd wanted to, it wasn't like anyone was particularly excited to get to know me, being 'bare-faced' and all." The man heard his voice turn acidic and grimaced at himself. "I'm used to it now, though," he added, trying to convince them both.
The other turian hummed for a moment, thinking, before he responded. "Okay, what do you know?"
Cocking his head, Vadix was unsure what exactly he meant.
"About romance and women, I mean."
"Right," he answered, mandibles fluttering in embarrassment. "Well, there was something about cuddling"—the memory made him blush—"and something else, imbra, I think." Vadix trailed off for a moment, contemplative. "Other than that, all I know is what my mother taught me, like being chivalrous and observant. But I'm finding that education was entirely insufficient." Finishing, he looked back at his would-be mentor.
His mouth was parted, apparently aghast. "That's it?" the solider finally asked, eyes wide enough to see the black surrounding both blue irises.
Oh no, Vadix thought to himself. He was worse off than he'd realized.
All he could do was nod, gaze dropping back to the ground between his feet.
"I see." Accompanied by a tense subvocal, Garrus paused, considering the best course of action. This wasn't what he'd intended to do this afternoon. In fact, it wasn't something he had ever expected to do. But it was clear the young man needed his help. Desperately.
Then he spoke once more. "Well, I'm certainly no expert but I can tell you what I know, if you'd like. It should help fill in some of the gaps for you, at the very least."
"Really?" Vadix could hardly contain a tiny thrill. It seeped into his secondary vocals, warbling in the air. "That would be great, thank you!"
Holding up his hands, the other turian gestured for him to calm down. "Don't get too excited. Like I said, I don't know everything. But first things first: any self-respecting turian ought to know about imbras. What can you tell me about it?"
The student sat up straighter, trying to remember what Juvelea had told him the night they'd met. "Um, it's usually done only by serious couples. You grab each other's elbows and touch foreheads." He wanted to say more, but his information ran out before his voice would have.
Garrus nodded. "Good, both are excellent points. It's typically a turian custom, though it can be practiced by interracial couples. It just doesn't have quite the same effect. See, the brow plate connection links the turian partners in an almost spiritual way, just for the length of contact. At least, that's how it feels for a lot of people. Sharing an imbra causes a spike in the production of certain hormones, which results in a deep feeling of union and attachment.
"For a non-turian couple, it can sometimes have an analogous but weaker effect, though it doesn't happen for everyone. Or so I'm told," Garrus ended, looking almost guilty for some reason.
But he continued speaking before Vadix could ask any questions. "Similarly, the most comparable human practice in romantic relationships is kissing. That's what Cass did to you on Tuchanka, I'm guessing, based on your description of events." A smile interrupted this next monologue, and Vadix thought he ought to melt into the floor. Although he'd had no way of knowing what he didn't know, something about having it all explained to him like this was excessively embarrassing.
"For the humans, kissing is usually a sign of a committed relationship, though that's not always the case. Depending on the situation, it may be merely a gesture of interest or even an invitation for some casual 'fun'," Garrus said the word like it was poisonous—clearly he did not think highly of this sort of interaction. "It occurs when two partners touch lips, and often involves the use of the tongue on one or both sides."
Almost regretting having asked the older man for answers, Vadix wondered how much longer this mortification fest could go on.
At the same time, it seemed like a hundred more questions were clawing their way out of his mouth.
"Are those the only ways to communicate affection in public?"
Garrus zeroed in on him, like he was afraid of any follow up questions that stayed in this vein. But he answered anyway, if hesitantly, "Those are the main two, I suppose. Both races may also hold hands or embrace, both in public and in private, like most of the other species."
Half a heartbeat passed before the next query slipped out.
"What's different in private?"
Blinking, the other man seemed to hold his breath. "What do you mean?"
Vadix wasn't sure how to make the question any clearer. Was Vakarian being purposefully obtuse? "I mean, what does a couple do when no one else is around? To demonstrate romantic interest or commitment?"
Again his eyes widened, incredulous. "Did your parents never talk to you about…that?"
The last word was weighty, emphasized by Garrus' pointed head tilt. It made the conversation feel almost illicit, like it was something Vadix wasn't supposed to know. But then, he needed to know, didn't he? At least, at some point he would need to know, assuming he were ever in a romantic relationship.
And surely his parents would want that for him.
So why hadn't they spoken to him about this?
The turian had no idea.
His answer to the verbal question was hardly better than his own unspoken one. "No, they didn't," he whispered, almost to himself.
Thankfully, Garrus didn't ask him to repeat it, though neither of them was pleased with the response. "I see," was all he could say for a moment, mind whirring as he tried to ascertain the best way to proceed. After all, it wasn't every day your lookalike asked you to describe the particulars of sexual intercourse.
"Well, uh," the veteran began stiltedly. "In private, without an audience, I mean, a couple can allow those feelings of desire to…coalesce, shall we say. What starts as an embrace, or cuddling, like you mentioned, can evolve into something more, such as imbra, or kissing, or what have you, depending on your partner's race.
"This can then deepen into something more passionate which, uh, often involves the removal of clothing." Garrus gulped, no longer looking directly at the younger man—who only noticed this fact when he glanced up randomly, still rather confused and very embarrassed. "Depending on preference and biology, the act itself usually involves penetration and other forms of stimulation, intended to provide pleasure to both parties."
Shaking his head, the turian stopped speaking as his talons tightened against his knees. The stress he was feeling seeped into his vocal cords and out into the air, vibrating with pressure. "Any more specifics, you can find on the extranet." His tone indicated there would be no room for argument.
But then he continued. "However, there's something else you should know that the reds aren't likely to tell you.
"What's that?" Vadix asked, immediately intrigued. Their eyes met, and it felt like he was being probed from the outside in, with just a single look.
When Garrus spoke once more, the young turian released the breath he'd been holding: it seemed he had passed whatever test had been set. "Any solid relationship should be built on a foundation of mutual trust and understanding, some common interests and more shared goals. All that physical stuff? You can find that with just about anyone."
Then he was shaking his head, smiling softly at the ground, like his memories were too powerful to remain behind his facial expression. "But emotional intimacy? That's what really makes or breaks a couple."
Brow plates pulling together, Vadix couldn't quite understand what he meant. "'Emotional intimacy'? I've not heard of that before."
Garrus lifted his face again, that same gentle grin fastened between his mandibles. "It wasn't something I'd heard about either. A lot of men seem to think it's less important, if they even think about it at all. But knowing that your person supports you, and you supporting them in return? That's better than any orgasm."
Now his brow plates shot up. "'Orgasm'?" Vadix felt like a parroting juvenile.
That soft smile slipped off quicker than a disruptor torpedo could shred an enemy starship. "Never mind, forget about that. The important part is that you can both feel free to be yourselves, that you communicate honestly and openly. You and your partner should be equal partners, sharing mutual respect while still having fun together. There's far more to life than what happens in the bedroom and, from what I've seen and lived, all the other stuff matters a lot more. Those are the things you're going to remember. Those are the things you'll look back on and reminisce about with the person you love, because you were both there for it, and you made it through, together." By the end of this monologue, that same dreamy look came over Garrus' face.
Vadix was just as perplexed as ever, but for an entirely different reason.
Trust, support, partnership. Authenticity, communication, fun, and respect.
According to Garrus Vakarian, these were the most essential aspects of a successful relationship, as well as the most valuable.
It was something he'd never even considered before.
Not that he'd given relationships much thought at all.
Before he'd met Cassana, it had hardly even crossed his mind.
Now, though, he'd encountered two women for whom he felt…something.
One was everything he ought to want, and the other was everything he'd never expected.
Listening to the older turian, Vadix wondered if maybe he had it backwards after all.
Physical attraction aside, the emotional connection he'd cultivated with the human ran deeper than the spark he felt for Juvelea.
True, he'd known Casana for longer and he'd spent much more time with her as well. Nearly a month into their acquaintance, and he was still learning things about her—and about himself—but he also felt comfortable with her in a way he hadn't experienced outside of his home.
Like he could be himself, without fear of judgment or reprisal.
It had been about two weeks since he'd met the surprising red turian, but he'd only interacted with her twice. Perhaps that was why he felt uneasy with her, even thinking about her.
Or perhaps Cassana was simply the better option for him.
How was he supposed to know whether it was merely an issue of proximity or a fundamental difference in character?
"You look like you could use some time alone, to think."
Garrus' voice nearly made him jump. He'd quite forgotten where he was, and that he was not alone. "Right, yeah, a lot to consider," he murmured, glancing up once more with gratitude. "Thank you, Garrus. I appreciate you taking the time to…"
"No problem, really," he hurried to reassure the trainee. "And, uh, good luck with, well, everything." Garrus offered him a half smile, his eyes void of any irritation or censure.
It was the first conversation he'd had with another turian coworker that hadn't generated malice or even scorn.
Watching him leave the crew's quarters, Vadix wondered if they might yet become friends. Or, if not friends, then at least relaxed colleagues. That was probably the most he could reasonably hope for but, even then, it would be more than he'd had in all eight years of working for C-Sec.
Now if only he could figure out what his heart wanted.
And how to get it.
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2 Aug 2021: I am going on a work trip for a while and I don't know exactly what my schedule is going to look like. I'm hoping to continue posting weekly but I may miss more often due to lack of free time to write. Just wanted to give a heads up to anyone up-to-date with this story (: