Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belong to BioWare.
Author's Note: This story does not necessarily follow any particular timeline and may not be considered chronologically accurate.
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Vadix strode out of the house with his overnight bag in tow, determined to prove he could be as flippant as Cassana. Again he typed the message he'd first sent that morning, only this time he addressed it to Juvelea. While he waited for a response, the turian marched to the closest liquor market so he could return the bottle he'd used last night.
Fat lot of good it had done him.
By the time he had arranged for a delivery to be made, along with a note saying "Replacing what you didn't know you were missing", Vadix glanced at the time to see it was nearly midday. Juvelea was likely at work, wherever that was, but hopefully she'd have a break for lunch soon.
She had told him she worked with the asari as a liaison, but that could mean any number of things in practice—the woman could be anywhere on the Citadel. With his frustration quickly transforming into despair, he sent her another message, this one blank with only a location beacon attached.
Perhaps she would be able to respond faster to that.
Picking a direction, Vadix decided he might as well begin moving and then hope he'd chosen correctly.
Four steps later, he got a response.
He was headed in the right direction.
After a short jaunt that probably should have taken nearly twice as long—and would have, if Vadix hadn't been quite so eager for female company—he arrived at what must have been Juvelea's place of work near the embassy offices. A friendly-looking asari rose from her seat behind an imposing counter to greet him.
"Good morning, sir. Do you have an appointment?"
"Oh, er, no, not exactly." His brow plates drew down in confusion, but he hurried to explain before the woman could cut him off. "But Juvelea is expecting me." He hoped.
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Oh! Well, alright. Um, please hold one moment. You may have a seat over there," she gestured toward the front of the room.
Although he knew she was just trying to get him out of earshot, Vadix nodded and moved toward the stoic seating arrangement. Several chairs were clearly intended to house larger occupants while others were made for slimmer bodies, likely selected on purpose for both asari and turian visitors. The décor itself seemed to indicate an ease of wealth, but one which did more to invite than to intimidate.
It was a strangely homey yet elegant place, and the man wondered what exactly Juvelea's role here was.
"Sir?" The asari asked timidly from across the room.
Vadix turned, trying to look impassive and sophisticated—he didn't want his desires to be etched across his face. "Yes?"
The secretary lowered her gaze, blushing. "She'll see you now. Second door on your left," she explained, pointing toward a hallway at the side of the room.
Dipping his head, Vadix murmured his thanks and stepped toward his potential lunch date. When he arrived at the appropriate door, he knocked smartly, working to maintain a sense of poise.
"Come in," Juvelea's sultry voice called just before the door slid open, allowing him to walk into her office. "And to what do I owe this pleasure?"
The trapezoidal room was lined with shelves, each holding a variety of small statues or what looked like cultural artifacts, similar to the items he'd seen at her apartment. The walls narrowed toward the back of the room where they met a window that took up the entirety of the flat space. In front of this sat Juvealea, watching him from behind a formidable desk, clear of any papers or effects other than a name plate.
Overall, the sight was nearly as imposing as the expression on her face.
She looked like she wanted to consume him.
Vadix wondered if he could stop her.
At the moment, he couldn't even answer her question.
Why was he here?
Yesterday he'd been wallowing between two women: one he felt he should want and one he felt he did want.
Last night he'd chosen the human.
This morning the human had chosen someone else.
So where did that leave him?
And what did that make Juvelea?
"No need to stand at the threshold. Do come in," she encouraged when the man didn't answer, standing slowly with talons splayed across the surface of her desk. The woman's voice was sensual, matching the intensity he saw in her face.
Vadix took two steps toward her, hearing the doors slide shut behind him.
And then lock.
He cocked his head at the turian across the room, feeling his heart rate quicken at the thought of being locked in a room with her.
Wait.
Why was his body reacting like that?
Was he…aroused?
Perhaps his feelings for Cassana weren't as strong as he thought.
He tilted his head the other direction, smiling wide enough to show the edges of his teeth. "Did you miss me?" Vadix purred.
Juvelea closed her eyes, rolled her shoulders, and cracked her neck. When her eyes opened once more, they flashed behind the white mask-like tattoos on her face. "You have no idea."
This time when he stepped forward, she moved backward. When he angled his trajectory for the side of her desk, she mirrored him, maintaining the distance between them.
Chuckling, Vadix mocked, "If you're on a timed lunch break, this behavior won't serve you very well."
But the red turian only smirked in response. "If you can't catch me in a timely manner, then I won't have to waste any more time on a less-than-qualified man."
A growl erupted from the back of his throat as he took several quick steps toward his prey.
When she reacted a split second later than she should have, Vadix grinned. "Tick tock," he whispered just before he lunged across the desk. Juvelea dove at an angle toward him, something he hadn't expected, and the man only managed to scratch her lower leg.
But he rose quickly, jumping once more toward the woman. Again she evaded him, placing the massive desk frame between them once more.
Vadix snarled, the sound ripping out of his primary vocals and echoed by a wave of envy that rolled off his secondary vocals. He was no longer thinking, no longer making conscious decisions. His instincts had taken over, and they knew exactly how to subdue the woman he wanted.
For several more minutes, they danced around the room. With each pass the man tore into the skin and clothing of his partner, and with each graze the taste of victory grew. He watched Juvelea's eyes brighten, from anger or from arousal he wasn't sure.
Regardless, he knew she wanted him to win.
Having leaped across the desk to no avail more times than he cared to count, Vadix feinted the movement once more, corralling the woman around the corner closest to him and, using his forward moment, he snagged her upper arm, gripping tightly enough that his talons dug into the fleshy dips between her plates.
The force of impact pushed them toward the wall, precariously close to the open shelving and fragile art pieces. This spurred the woman into greater action, planting her legs on the ground to stand over him just before she sank her teeth into his neck.
Vadix roared at the pain, pulling her body closer to his as he fell to the floor, rolling in the air to place himself on top. On impact she lost her grip on his neck and she struggled beneath him, her talons scratching at his clothing, trying to find purchase on the sensitive skin of his hip bones. Again he snarled, biting into her own flesh as he pressed his knees into her upper legs. Exerting all the effort his could, the man pinned Juvelea's arms above her head, teeth flashing as she writhed on the ground, unwilling to accept defeat.
He shoved his body weight toward her, using the simulated gravity to his advantage, and she grunted at the onslaught, pausing her struggle for a moment as she heaved a deep breath.
And then all the fight went out of her, the woman's face morphing into an expression somewhere between betrayal and understanding.
Hesitating, the white turian waited for some trickery to ensue.
But she continued to stare at him, violet irises wide.
"What's wrong?" Vadix demanded, huffing as he vacillated between the need for complete dominance and the uncertainty he felt in his bones.
Juvelea continued to watch him, her mouth opening slowly as the words formed like sludge. "I can smell her."
"What?" his voice sharpened, and his body drew back. He felt like he'd been slapped.
Nodding faintly, her eyes closed and her muscles relaxed beneath him. "It's faint but I can still smell her. It all makes sense now," she whispered, like she was no longer talking to him.
Vadix could feel his blood broiling. This wasn't what he wanted. She was supposed to be fighting him. "I don't know what you're talking about," he seethed, grip tightening on her wrists.
Then her eyes opened once more, and Juvelea looked at him like she was saying goodbye. "Vadix, why did you come here today?"
He could only stare at her. He couldn't answer the question when he'd first walked in, and he couldn't answer it now.
A sad smile spread between her mandibles. "I think we need to talk."
Gaping at her, the man was in denial, all the feelings he'd been repressing suddenly flooding his senses. He felt weak, like he'd failed as a man and as a partner.
Gently, Juvelea lifted her arms to push him into a sitting position between her legs until she could sit up as well. Then she reached toward him, caressing his cheek with her palm. "Oh Vadix," she sighed, her subvocals a mesh of complicated emotions.
Vadix was too paralyzed to analyze the sound of it.
She watched him for a moment, perhaps looking for some sign of mental activity. For the moment, the man looked frozen and she wasn't sure if it was wise to interrupt.
But when the seconds shifted into minutes, Juvelea knew she would have to be the impetus for change.
"Tell me about her."
Startled into the present once more, Vadix gazed at the woman before him. Her voice was clear yet disappointed, and he knew he'd hurt her as well.
Fuck me, he thought miserably.
"I'm so sorry," he said aloud.
Juvelea only shook her head, forced a smile, and gestured for him to speak.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes and thought about the woman he'd fallen in love with, a woman who was spirits-knew-where on the Citadel with spirits-knew-who doing spirits-knew-what—but still, he loved her.
"Her name is Cassana, and she's a human."
He could see her in his mind's eye, all burning red hair, blazing grey eyes, and fiery personality: she practically glowed, she was so radiant.
"And?"
Vadix thought about this for a moment, internally fighting a battle with his own emotions.
"Hey." Her touch on his arm suspended the turmoil, his eyes flying open. Again Juvelea was watching him carefully. "You know you're allowed to feel things, right?"
"Of course," he answered gruffly, quickly.
The woman shook her head, smiling at him. "I mean, it's okay for you to have emotions, especially difficult ones, and it's okay for you to express them. Don't keep everything locked inside; you'll only hurt yourself and others by doing that."
Now Vadix watched her carefully. "What do you mean?"
Juvelea looked down at her lap where she twisted her talons anxiously. "I mean," she began, trailing off. Casting her eyes around the room, she looked for an easy explanation that wasn't there.
Then she looked back at him again, shoulders squared against what she was about to say, the pain she was about to reveal. "In the majority of different species' societies, there's this pervasive concept about what it means to be a man, what it is to be 'manly'," she said the word with a scoff. "But that concept is literally killing people. Not only in generalities—the life expectancy for the males in these cultures is much lower than it is for women with similar health characteristics—but also in specifics."
She broke off the sentence, turning away from the man sitting in front of her. Pulling her knees to her chest, Juvelea hid her face as she explained, "It's what killed my brother."
Seated on the floor, her outfit shredded to ribbons in several places, the red turian cried silent tears for the loss of love that still weighed heavy on her heart. Vadix, having never personally dealt with such grief before, felt like he'd fallen into a lake wearing heavy armor. At a loss for what else to do, he reached out to the woman, rubbing the pad of his thumb across her forearm.
After several minutes, Juvelea lifted her head once more, eyes watery but no longer actively flowing. "Thank you," she murmured, voice breaking on the words.
Vadix swallowed, still unsure how to proceed.
But then she made the first move forward, much to his relief. "What I was trying to say is that you need to have a space where you can have open and honest conversations about the different things you deal with, like how you grapple with emotions or manage conflict. Having feelings doesn't make you any less of a man." Now she reached out, grasping his wrist with her talons, urging him toward healthier habits.
Whatever this was, whatever they were at the end of this, Vadix was grateful for the encouragement.
"Why don't you tell me something memorable about her," Juvelea prompted, having greater success now at hiding her dejection.
Bobbing his head as he thought, the white turian smiled as a small laugh escaped his mouth. "One time we ran into an old coworker of mine; he wasn't my biggest fan but was pretty quick to flirt with her. Cassana played right along—had me super confused as I watched—until she was close enough to Siter that she could touch him. And then she kneed him, right in the groin. It was so satisfying to watch." His grin, having grown as he told the story, faded into an expression akin to wonderment. "And all because he'd insulted me." Vadix met his friend's eyes. "It was the first time someone stood up for me like that. I didn't realize how much I'd wanted it to happen."
"She sounds feisty," Juvelea chuckled. "If the circumstances were different, I'm sure I'd like her very much."
Vadix cocked his head, confused. "What do you mean?" he asked again.
Again that sad smile stretched across her face. The woman shook her head. "I'm not one to befriend the competition," she shrugged.
"Oh," Vadix stuttered, his puzzled expression shifting into an uncomfortable grimace. "Right."
They both paused, lost in their own thoughts for a moment.
"All I'll say is this," the red turian began, determined to say her piece. "Think about what you want and what you like. Don't let anyone else dictate your desires or your decisions. You're the one that has to live with them at the end of the day." She stared at him for several heartbeats, like she was memorizing his unmarked face. "As much as I'd like to be the one you pick, the one you fight for, you need to be true to yourself and your feelings. That's what matters most."
What matters most.
There was that phrase again.
Vadix gawked at her, some missing piece finally falling into its proper place inside his mind.
Maybe this was what his mother was getting at: what mattered most was whether he would be happy with his future, based on the choices he made today.
If that was the case, the question he really needed to answer was what made him most happy?
He felt happy when he spent time with Juvelea, this was true.
Was it enough?
The answer solidified in his subconscious more quickly than in his thinking brain. But, when it did, Vadix was quick to react.
"I need to go."
Juvelea nodded, a wistful look in her eyes. "I understand."
Leaning toward her, Vadix placed both hands on the sides of her neck and pulled her toward him until their foreheads touched. A zing of heat traveled over his skull and down his spine. "I'm sorry, Juvelea," he murmured, thankful for her help, regretting that he'd damaged her in the process.
She gripped the back of his head for one moment, eyes closed against the impending pain. Then she swallowed, opened her eyes, and commanded, "Now go get her."