Chapter 17: Nothing is real until you say it out loud

For the next week, Hermione did everything in her power to avoid any encounters with Draco Malfoy. Every time she saw him from a distance in the corridors, she would turn around or slip through a nearby door. She sought refuge in the library, where she had always found it easy to get lost in the books and the silence. She signed up for every extra-curricular activity imaginable, from defensive magic practices to the Advanced Charm Club. Any excuse was good enough to keep her busy, to have a reason to justify her absence in places where Draco might be. For the past few days, however, she had chosen to hide in the Gryffindor common room, where she knew there was no chance of a chance encounter with the Slytherin. She had used Sickness Sweets, small magical sweets designed to induce temporary symptoms such as fever or vomiting to those eating them, perfect for skipping classes without arousing suspicion. And although this trick was usually quickly discovered by the professors, no one asked any questions when Hermione Granger said she was sick. So it was relatively easy for her to avoid Draco during those days.

But no matter what she did or how much time she spent in the common room, she couldn't escape her own thoughts.

"Why are you running away?" a voice in her head kept repeating during the long nights of silence. "You're sabotaging yourself," it said, like a relentless echo she couldn't silence.

"I'm protecting myself," Hermione whispered to herself each time these thoughts took over her mind, as if that would be enough to quiet her conscience.

She knew that facing him would destroy her.

She simply felt that she couldn't look Malfoy in the eye again after what they had done in the broom cupboard. They had done what had to be done to save him, but she couldn't bear to see how ashamed he would be every time they crossed paths. Not after giving him more than she ever imagined she would give to someone like him.

Besides, she suspected that he and Daphne would get back together sooner or later. After all, Malfoy had never said the words she had longed to hear.

"Daphne… you know I love you, and you'll always have a special place in my heart. But you turned your back on me at one of my lowest moments just because I had to be around Granger all the time." He paused for what felt like an eternity. "If you had stayed, if you had supported me… but you didn't, Daphne, and she… and I… I think…"

Hermione had repeated those words a hundred times in her head, trying to read between the lines for something that wasn't there. It tortured her to realise that Malfoy had never actually confessed to loving her. There was nothing in his words to suggest that he felt the same way about her. And she felt foolish for letting her own illusions fill the empty spaces of his unfinished sentences.

She had saved him from that terrible curse, and surely he was grateful for that, but... that didn't give her the right to demand that he return her feelings. Because it was very likely that he wouldn't. And Hermione... didn't want to see Malfoy go on with his life as if she were expendable. As if she had always been.

A tear escaped.

Rarely in her life had she felt so alone.

Harry and Ron were usually good friends, but the dopamine of love had caused them to ignore her most of the time during the week. No doubt Pansy and Blaise kept them busy enough to not notice that their friend was going through a hard time.

That's why Harry was surprised to find her curled up on the common room couch while everyone else was asleep. It was probably the first time in days that he really noticed her, that he actually looked at her instead of just passing her by.

"Are you all right?" he asked in a worried voice as he approached with slow steps.

Hermione lowered her feet from the couch, but clutched a cushion as a shield between herself and the world. Then she shrugged.

She didn't want to tell him why she was like this. She knew he wouldn't understand, not even with a Slytherin's red lipstick on his lips and neck. Pansy Parkinson liked to mark her territory, that was for sure.

After a few moments of silence, Harry spoke again.

"Hey, I don't know what's going on... but Malfoy's outside." Hermione, who had been staring down at the stone floor, suddenly looked up at her friend. "And he says he won't leave until you come out and talk to him."

"Malfoy... is outside?" she murmured.

Harry frowned, the way he did when his protective side flared up.

"Is he the problem? Did he do something to you? Did he hurt you while you were stuck together?"

He jumped up and Hermione quickly stood up to grab his arm and hold him in place. If Harry thought Malfoy had done something to her, he would most likely go out and start a fight with him. That was the last thing Hermione needed right now, so she decided to lie to calm the situation down.

"Harry, no, nothing like that. He just wants to borrow some notes," she said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," she replied, turning to look for a believable excuse. When she found one, she approached a nearby table and lifted a stack of someone's parchments for Harry to see. "Look, I had them ready here."

Her friend's frown softened slightly, but he didn't move.

Hermione forced a tense smile and, with no other choice, made her way to the exit to meet Malfoy. She glanced over her shoulder just before the portrait closed behind her and saw Harry, finally convinced that everything was all right between them, entering his room.

As she looked ahead, Malfoy was waiting for her, leaning against the wall with his hands in his trouser pockets. He was still in his Slytherin uniform, while she was in her pyjamas. What did that matter when he had already seen and touched every part of her, even under her clothes?

As Hermione's eyes adjusted to the darkness, she noticed a sombre expression in his eyes.

Still... wow, he looked... healthy.

His cheeks had regained their colour and his face was no longer all skin and bones. His clothes fit him better, and he even seemed taller. He no longer looked used up.

So... what they had done in the broom closet... had it worked?

Did that mean she was...?

"Where have you been all these days?" he asked, abruptly interrupting her thoughts.

"I've been sick."

"Bullshit. You've been avoiding me," he spat through clenched teeth. "Why?"

Looking into his eyes through the shadows of the night was devastating. Hermione couldn't tell if he was angry or deeply hurt.

She had to take a deep breath before she could speak.

"I know I owe you an explanation..."

"That's why I'm here, to hear it."

Silence engulfed them for several long seconds.

"I... you're right, I'm sorry. I know I should have told you why I was using Daphne's appearance when we met in the corridor."

"Stop it, will you? Pansy's already told me everything," he cut her off before she could finish the sentence. "I already know about Longbottom's kidnapping, Astoria's banishment and why you needed Daphne's appearance to solve the mystery of your friend's disappearance. Do you really think that's what I mean when I say I want to hear your explanations?"

Hermione's lungs emptied completely as Malfoy moved closer, so close that she had to take a step back.

"I want you to explain why I haven't heard from you all these days, why I could smell your scent in the corridors, but when I turned around, you were gone."

He closed the distance between them until Hermione's back was against the wall and there was no space between their bodies. Malfoy took Hermione's face in his hands and looked at her as if he could somehow find the reasons in her eyes. He seemed desperate for an answer.

"You don't have the right, do you understand?" he snapped. "You don't have the right to make me fall in love with you and then disappear like that."

Hermione was breathless. Her hands had begun to shake and the parchments she had picked up as an excuse fell to the floor.

"Kiss me," she said, panting. "For Merlin's sake, Malfoy, just kiss me."

His lips crashed against hers with an intensity that made her entire body tense with surprise. There was no softness or gentleness in that first contact; it was fierce, as if they had both been holding something back for too long, as if every second lost between them had built up an unbearable pressure that could only be released in this way. With desperation, anger and craving.

Hermione felt her back pressed against the cold stone wall, but everything around her disappeared. Only Draco's hands were there, gripping her as if he feared she might vanish at any moment. His lips, now softer but still demanding, seemed to erase the time she had spent avoiding him.

Hermione responded with the same intensity, tangling her fingers in his blond hair as she pulled him closer, as if that could erase the emptiness she had felt all these days.

The trembling in her hands was replaced by a tingling sensation that spread through every part of her body.

When Malfoy pulled back just enough to look at her, their ragged breaths mingled in the night air. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but instead, he rested his forehead against Hermione's. His lips still brushed against hers, as if he found it impossible to pull away completely.

"I thought you would regret what we did," Hermione confessed in a whisper.

The boy's jaw tensed.

"After the punishment, I missed you every second you weren't by my side…" he murmured, his voice hoarse but laden with a sincerity that made Hermione shiver. "I haven't stopped thinking about what we did. It meant so much more than just you freeing me from the curse. You saved me, Granger, in more ways than you know."

Hermione's eyes welled up, but she did nothing to stop it. For the first time, she allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of him.

"I don't want to go back to Daphne, nor do I want to pretend that what happened between us doesn't matter. Damn it, I've fallen for you and the way you make me feel." His fingers caressed her cheek softly, as if he didn't want the moment to slip away. "Tell me you feel the same. Tell me you're not going to walk away again. Say it, because otherwise…"

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "I've seen you. I've seen your true self. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Draco kissed her again, ending by biting her lower lip.

"Don't avoid me again, Hermione," he ordered in a deep voice. "I want you close to me as much as humanly possible, all the time."

Hermione made the mistake of letting a soft moan escape, the perfect trigger for Draco to finally lose his mind.

He pushed her into a nearby classroom, pulled her onto a table and tore off the pyjamas he had teased her about a few days earlier. He pinned her knees to the floor and pushed her panties aside so he could taste her intimacy. He licked her as if her sex was the tastiest thing he had had in a long time. Up, down, right, left. There seemed to be no part of her that Malfoy didn't want to taste. Hermione tangled her fingers in his hair, ecstatic with pleasure and her heart beating at an alarming rate.

Once he was undressed as well, he was too impatient to push her panties down her legs. So he grabbed them with his huge hands and ripped them open, splitting them in two.

He was inside her before she had time to realise what he had just done. Then, with more vitality than she had seen him having in a long time, he gave her the best sex she had ever had in her life.

Hermione woke with a silly smile on her lips as an indescribable warmth filled her chest. She remembered the feeling of having Malfoy inside her, the way his words had made her feel. Draco's voice still echoed in her head from the night before:

"I'm in love with you."

She had never felt anything so deep, so visceral. It was as if the weight of everything they had been through had culminated in that moment, in that confession, and now she was floating in a bubble of happiness that shielded her from the rest of the world.

She didn't hide in her common room that day. She didn't curl up in a ball and try to become invisible to everyone else. That day she felt as light as a feather, drifting through the corridors of Hogwarts looking in every direction, hoping to meet Draco sooner rather than later.

Hermione would never have guessed that her state of happiness wouldn't last long.

As she made her way to the Great Hall for breakfast, the curious looks and whispers around her quickly caught her attention. There seemed to be one name on everyone's lips. Hermione grew pale as she heard it:Daphne.

Students muttered, their voices sharp with concern, that Daphne had been missing since the day before.

"Her friends say she didn't spend the night in the common room," said a girl at the Ravenclaw table.

"No one's seen her since yesterday afternoon... Can you believe that? Especially after what happened to Neville..." another added, alarm in her tone.

A knot formed in Hermione's stomach.

She knew that news of Neville's abduction, which had happened only a few weeks ago, had spread like wildfire throughout the castle. The Headmaster had reversed the spell that had been cast on him and then sent him home at his own request.

Hermione hated not being there to say goodbye. She couldn't even begin to imagine how hurt Neville must have felt. Violated. Betrayed.

By now everyone knew that the culprit behind all of this had been Astoria, driven by some strange obsession she couldn't control. So now people were speculating that perhaps Neville's friends had decided to take revenge by kidnapping his captor's sister as punishment.

Hermione's eyes searched desperately for Draco. She was sure he had heard the news by now, and something inside her feared how he would react.

Would the disappearance of his ex-girlfriend stir up old, forgotten feelings? Would it make him remember the good times and how much he once loved her?

Hermione didn't want to lose him.

She couldn't, not after everything they'd said and done the night before.

She found him sitting at the Slytherin table. His expression was cold, distant, but his eyes... his eyes didn't lie. There was something there, something that looked like fear.

She intercepted him later, catching him by the sleeve in a dark corridor.

"Draco," she called in an urgent whisper. He turned and as soon as their eyes met, she knew something was wrong. "What's going on? I've heard rumours about Daphne..." She paused and took a deep breath. "You and me... Do you still want to...?"

Draco took her hand, pulling her further away from the main corridor. Once they were sure they were completely alone, Draco pulled her close and kissed her.

"I still want us," he said.

Then he looked at her in silence for a long moment before turning away.

"Do you...?" Hermione asked quietly. "Do you know where she is?"

Draco's jaw clenched.

"A few days ago... I broke up with her," he said quietly, though his voice was cold. "I told her that I couldn't go on pretending that everything was fine between us after I felt that her pride was more important than her love for me."

"What did she do then?

"She begged me to forgive her. Tried to get me to come back to her."

Hermione imagined Daphne pulling Draco towards her, trying to intertwine her fingers with his, trying to kiss him... and suddenly she felt sick.

"Hmm..."

Draco took her chin gently, forcing her to look at him.

"I broke up with her, okay? I made it clear there was no going back," he assured her. "She obviously didn't like how firm I was, and she hasn't been in a good mood since." He paused. "When I heard no one had seen her since yesterday, I thought she just wanted to be alone. Her sister's expulsion hit her hard too. Maybe she's hiding in some deserted part of the castle to get away from everyone."

Hermione nodded, but a shiver ran down her spine.

"Do you think that's all it is?" she whispered. "That she's just hiding because she doesn't want to see anyone?"

Draco shrugged slightly.

"Honestly, it's the only logical explanation I can think of for her disappearance."

For the rest of the day, rumours of Daphne's disappearance spread through the castle, reaching everyone who lived there. No one had seen her - not in class, not in the Great Hall, not anywhere. Not even her friends knew where she was. The atmosphere was tense, filled with paranoia. After what had happened to Neville, everyone was on high alert, paying attention to every little detail, eager to be the first to know what was happening.

Later that afternoon, Hermione and Draco decided to go to Hogsmeade to clear their heads. They had agreed to meet at a small café that wasn't usually too crowded. Hermione didn't want to attract too much attention from the Hogwarts students. She knew it wasn't the ideal time to bring up certain topics, like the fact that she might be pregnant with Draco's child, or how they were going to reveal their new relationship, but she felt she couldn't wait any longer.

Either they talked about it, or Hermione would break down emotionally.

She was walking distractedly, thinking about how to tell Draco, when a strange commotion in the air caught her attention. A boy had shouted, pointing at something in the bushes around the main square, and immediately a crowd of people had rushed towards him. Words of terror filled the air. Some witches and wizards ran in the opposite direction, others simply screamed or covered their children's eyes.

"Someone call Dumbledore!" an elderly woman kept repeating, her eyes wide.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked, feeling the tension in the air and a pang of fear in her chest.

When she finally pushed through the crowd and saw what had frightened them all, her knees buckled and she fell to the ground... next to Daphne's lifeless body, awkwardly hidden among the bushes.

Her neck was twisted in an unnatural position and her eyes were fixed on Hermione, though they didn't really see her.

Hermione gagged. Then again. And another wave of nausea hit her as reality sank in: Daphne hadn't been hiding. She hadn't been crying in some remote corner of the castle.

She had been dead.

"NO!"

Hermione shot to her feet as Draco's scream pierced through her.

She should have been quicker, she should have stopped him from seeing Daphne like that.

Hermione wrapped her arms around him, trying to push him away with her body, but now that his curse was gone and he had regained all his strength, she had no way of moving him an inch.

His cries made everyone around them freeze.