"Y'know, that was a great party last night, Princess. When Luigi got drunk and started swinging from the chandelier!" Mario pounded his knee. "Oh, man!"
Peach laughed along at the memory. "It was fun, Mario. Thank you again for coming."
"No problem at all, Princess. So what did you need from me?"
"Isle Delfino is in danger. Inhabitants have reported sightings of a mustachioed blue figure vandalizing the island once again."
Mario's fists clenched involuntarily. "Junior," he growled.
"We have to leave quickly in order to have the best odds of stopping him. Can you be at the airport by noon?"
"Will do, Princess. I'll be there at eleven-thirty with my things." Mario hopped down from the balcony and sprinted back to his house to pack.
"Bring Luigi!" Peach shouted after him. "They'll need you both in order to stop him!"
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Mario and Luigi arrived at the airport at eleven-thirty on the dot. They greeted the princess and Toadsworth and idly chatted while they waited for their plane to arrive.
"Oh, Mario, there's someone I want you to meet. He'll be accompanying us to Delfino," Peach said.
"Hm? Friend of yours?" Mario replied absentmindedly. He turned around only to find himself face-to-face with the King of the Koopas himself.
Silence. "What the fuck is he doing here?!" Mario and Bowser said at once.
"Um, Mario?" Peach started. "There is no trouble at Isle Delfino. I invited Bowser on this trip because I thought it would be a good way for you two to resolve your…differences in a peaceful manner."
"Uh uh, no way," Mario said. "I'm not going anywhere with this guy."
"Feeling's mutual, plumber boy," Bowser spat.
Peach grabbed Mario by the ear and Bowser by the horn with fire in her eyes. "You will go, and you will enjoy it, because if you two don't make up I'm going to be a very angry princess!" She released them with a self-satisfied "hmph!" and walked away.
Mario and Bowser shut up but continued to glare daggers at each other as they boarded. Mario took a seat next to Peach as Bowser attempted to squeeze into the tiny airplane seat. He eventually got frustrated and tore off the middle armrests, settling into two seats with a sigh.
Mario forgot about Bowser as they took off, taking the time to flirt with Peach and banter with Luigi. It was a long flight, so he eventually yawned and settled down for a nap.
He awoke to screaming. Chaos ensued as the plane's passengers were all on their feet, panicking and running around as if they were going to die.
"Luigi? Peach? What's going on?!" Mario shouted over the noise.
"The plane's going down, Mario!" Luigi yelled back. "Save yourself!"
Mario looked around frantically to see Bowser jumping from the emergency exit door, carrying an inflatable life raft. "Son of a bitch!"
The plumber made his way to the exit and leapt after Bowser, tackling him in midair and plunging into the ocean below. Cheep Cheeps moved around them as they frantically swam to the surface, each taking a gasp of air as they broke through.
"What the hell was that for, plumber?!" Bowser coughed.
"I wasn't about to let you escape after you sabotaged the plane," Mario gasped.
"I didn't sabotage the plane!" Bowser insisted. "I saw an opportunity to escape and took it, and now we're both stuck out here without food or water! Nice job!"
"Whatever," Mario said. "Do you have the raft or did you lose that too?"
"I got it, no thanks to you," Bowser snorted. "You're welcome, by the way." He brought the raft's nozzle to his lips.
"No!" Mario shouted, snatching it from his claws. "You'll burn a hole through it or something. I'll blow it up."
"Do your worst," Bowser said, crossing his arms.
Eventually, Mario inflated the raft and they heaved themselves onto it with a grunt. It was luckily big enough to support both of them comfortably, but Bowser had to lay on his stomach so as not to pop it with his spikes.
"Okay, genius. What's the plan?" Bowser said.
"First off, to shut your giant mouth," Mario said. "Then, we paddle towards land, which should be due west if my calculations are correct."
"No chance in hell I'm relying on your instincts to get us out of this," Bowser said.
"You got any better ideas?"
They were interrupted by the sight of a rapidly approaching ship in the distance. It was large, wooden, and appeared to be manned by a group of Pirate Guys.
"Hey, look!" Bowser said. "S.O.S! We're stranded! Hey! Help!"
"Um, Bowser, I don't think they're friendly," Mario muttered. As if on cue, the ship turned in their direction and the jeers of the pirates were clearly audible.
"Great! Now what?" Bowser exclaimed.
"Let me do the talking," Mario said. "Ahoy there! Our plane crashed and we had to escape on this life raft. Any chance you fine gentlemen would be willing to take us into your company?"
The pirates looked at each other for a moment before roaring with laughter.
"Go ahead and talk about it," Mario said nervously.
A boat was sent down to retrieve the two, and they were soon pulled onto the ship. "Thank you, fellas," Mario said. "We're eternally indebted to you-" He was silenced as each of the crew members drew swords and pistols and directed them at him and Bowser.
"Got any more bright ideas?" Bowser mumbled.
"Yeah. This!" Mario leaped into action, kicking the pirate captain in the face and jumping onto the ship's hull. Bowser ignited his fire breath and set the ship ablaze, burning several pirates in the process.
"Are you nuts?! You'll get us all killed!" Mario yelled, noting with relief that pirates were ready with buckets of water to douse the flames.
Bowser rolled his eyes and extinguished the flames, throwing a punch that smacked a pirate clean off the ship. He hid in his shell and tore across the deck, knocking pirates left and right as bullets and blades bounced off him.
The pirates ran amok, frantically swinging and shooting as they attempted to neutralize the pair. Mario punted one, body-slammed another, and grabbed a third to swing him into the ocean.
Bowser noticed the remaining pirates attempting to climb the ship's mast, halting their climb by slashing through it with his powerful claws. Mario shouted at him once more as the whole thing came down, taking the pirates with it as it hit the ship before rolling into the sea.
"Unfortunately, we're alive," Bowser panted. "Use that oversized dome of yours and find a way to get us home."
"Why don't you find one, if you're so damn smart?" Mario replied.
"Watch it, wise guy," Bowser pointed. "I have ideas. I got us on this raft, didn't I?"
"Congratulations, you watched the airplane safety video," Mario deadpanned. "By the way, I'm pretty sure jumping out of said plane violates at least four of their guidelines."
"Oh, shut up," Bowser said. "I'll figure it out." He put a claw to his chin. "Four hours into a six-hour flight…traveling due west…Delfino is headed that way."
Mario nudged Bowser's arm. "That way."
"I knew that," Bowser spat. "Assuming perfect conditions, going twelve miles per hour, we'll reach Delfino in around three days. That still doesn't solve the issue of how we're supposed to get there, considering we're, at the moment…," he gestured to the broken mast, "...sail-less."
"Whose fault is that?" Mario smirked.
"You're a good swimmer, right? Get your ass underwater and check if the ship is damaged."
"Fine," Mario said. "You should go below deck to check our supplies. That is, if you can even fit through the door."
He was barely quick enough to escape as the deck railing spontaneously burst into flame.
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After determining that the hull was intact and collecting barrels from the cabin, Mario and Bowser regrouped on the ship's deck to figure out their situation. Inside the barrels were fruit and fish of several varieties, as well as a substantial supply of water.
"Good to know at least one problem is dealt with," Mario commented.
"That's all?" Bowser moaned. "I'm not used to eating this namby-pamby shit you 'shroom-lovers live on."
"This namby-pamby shit is healthy, and you'll learn to like it," Mario replied. "It should hold us over 'til we reach Delfino, but we still don't know how to get there in one piece."
"Leave that to me," Bowser said dramatically, whipping out a giant propeller.
Pause.
"What. The hell. Is that," Mario said.
"It's obviously a giant propeller," Bowser replied impatiently.
"Yeah, I can see that, but how's it supposed to help us get home?"
"We'll attach it to the bottom of the boat!" Bowser exclaimed. "You know how my airships fly?"
"No, I don't, actually, and I'd love for you to explain it to me," Mario responded.
"It's the same thing! Stick two on the bottom, three more on the top, and we'll get to Delfino in no time!"
"...would you happen to have another four of those?" Mario asked.
"Well, uh, no, not exactly. No." Bowser rubbed his head sheepishly.
Mario's screech scared birds for miles around, and the resulting scuffle was one for the ages. It's anyone's guess how they survive this situation, or even how they survive this day.