A/N: I got a follow and a favorite after ALL this time. I honestly wasn't sure if anyone was reading this story...besides me. So thank YOU, Necroma666.
Disclaimer: I don't know Avatara the Last Airbender and Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy. But I can taste the end of this tale!
THE EMBER ISLAND PLAYERS PRESENT
THE BIG CLIMATIC BATTLE
(The British narrator settles into the comfy chair and slips down into said comfy chair because the leather is too shiny and, well, slippery.)
BRITISH NARRATOR
Hello?! Props department. This is undignified. I can't work under these conditions. My contract strictly required a side bowl of ten, only ten moonpeaches, along with non-slippery chairs. Does not anyone read the riders anymore? Where is the professionalism?
(A girl with two long braids whipping around does cartwheels into the area, followed by a sullen girl.)
BRITISH NARRATOR
Tai Lee, what is this? I'm an essential part of the story.
MAI
Are you, though?
(Mai puts her hand on her hip and stares at the mythical narrator.)
BRITISH NARRATOR
Hullo, yes, I'm the Mythical Narrator. I went to (insert the most prestigious school, depending on where Ember Island Players travel for performances). I am an actor!
MAI
Maybe you should act like we care because we don't. I'm here because…Tai Lee, why are we here?
TAI LEE
(Tai Lee titters.)
Mai, we are extras, stand-ins, and the stunts for the main characters. Also, we provide craft services. Did you get the panini press?
MAI
No! I am not some short-order cook. Stunts are all that I signed up for. I don't care about the rest of this.
TAI LEE
Mai, look at this poor man. He has to do this to make him believe that he still matters and that someone cares. Do you really want to take that away from him? His aura is in a shambles.
(The British Narrator starts looking around, confused about who Tai Lee is referencing, as the Narrator realizes that Tai Lee is referencing him. He slowly curls up in his chair, sucking his thumb.)
I mean, his aura is brown and yucky.
MAI
Tai Lee, I can't see anything but a story device to segway into the big climatic battle.
TAI LEE
True, Mai, but it is vital that we don't dim his light.
MAI
Whatever, I don't care. Tai Lee, Turn around. Look at what you see In her face
TAI LEE
The mirror of your dreams?
MAI
Make believe I'm everywhere Given in the light
BRITISH NARRATOR
Written on the pages Is the answer to a never-ending story Ahahah ahahah ahahah…
CUT! To the true almost Neverending Story….
(The set is rolled away, revealing the Gaang and the White Lotus Crew VS. the Big Three Baddies: Thanos, Ozai, and Zhou. Three spotlights appear and shine on all the groups.)
Iroh stepped forward. "Welcome, brother; it is good to see you."
Ozai sneered, "Brother, I have no brother. You abandoned your country and family."
Iroh chuckled and shook his head. "You always had a way of distorting the truth. I believe you organized a coup that would have thrown our country into a civil war and destroyed countless families. I simply decided being petty wasn't part of my destiny."
"I am not petty!" Ozai stomped his foot. "I'm the Phoenix King, and that is my destiny."
"If you say so." Iroh shrugged. "Titles are meaningless in the scheme of the universe." I see you brought some friends, Thanos and Commander Zhou." Iroh bowed to each.
"I'm Admiral Zhou." Zhou snapped.
"My apologies, I didn't realize. Titles are so pointless and only demonstrate a lack of strength of character. Am I right, Thanos?"
Thanos smirked and nodded his head. "I always liked you, Dragon of the Universe, or is it the Collector?" Thanos pushed quickly past Ozai and Zhou with his swagger of where he ranked in his destiny and vision for the Universe. "I prefer the Dragon of the Universe; it is indeed a proper title for you, for you understand the importance of seeing the bigger picture. One that understands the power of waiting to acquire what is needed to create a place of abundance."
Bumi bit a piece of rock candy and said, between mouthfuls. "The universe is limitless and does not need interfering from us; simply let the writer sort it out."
Piando nods his head. "It is true; we are mere pieces of the pai sho game waiting to be played."
Thanos chuckled. "If we left everything up to the writer, we would be where we are, Nowhere like the cabbage man."
A man with a cart of cabbages wheeled his cabbages in front of the villains. He looked offended as he exclaimed. "My cabbages!"
Thanos flexed his fingers and the gauntlet of six stones. "I intend to take action and eliminate the White Stone. There is only one story!" Thanos turned to Zhou and Ozai. "Fetch me that stone!"
The White Lotus members formed a triangle with Iroh at the pinnacle. "The Order of the White Lotus will not let you take what doesn't belong to you."
Zhou bowed and slipped away while Ozai stepped forward. "I'm no one's errand boy." Ozai stomped his large hammer with the burning head. "I have harnessed the power of the Phoenix comet."
Thanos went to sit on a rock and watched what would be an interesting show. "I'll wait for you to finish your petty display of power."
Ozai stomped his hammer and foot. "How about this for power?" A blast of fire shot towards Thanos.
Thanos held out his gauntlet glove and deflected the blast from Ozai. "Do not toy with me."
Ozai growled. "I haven't even begun; you have all this power, yet you don't choose to use it."
Thanos scoffed. "I won't waste a snap on you. I'm here for the final stone that will transform everything. Your quest for power is a waste."
Like the other showdowns, Thanos faced strong resistance from Ozai, who held back Thanos and his Infinity Gauntlet in a battle.
The Gaang had watched the interchange, but there wasn't time to dally about seeing who would defeat whom.
"Can we go?" Zuko barked. "We kind of have a lunatic power-hungry man to destroy."
"Which one?" Sokka asked in genuine confusion.
Zuko looked around at the villains, or at least two of the villains. "Those two."
Katara nodded. "Yes, it is important to stay on task." She turned to Sokka and said, "We need to get into the Dark Aster and destroy it."
Toph shook her head. "How do you expect that to happen?"
Sokka supplied matter of factly. "We improvise, the Gaang's way to handle most things."
Suki worried about the missing Zhou. "Supreme Prime Aang, what about Zhou?" She hadn't seen the slippery eel since he slithered away. "He is looking for the White Stone."
BRITISH NARRATOR
Our heroes face the challenge of staying together or dividing and conquering.
CUT!
BRITISH NARRATOR
Clearly, the script says right here. (British Narrator jabs at his paper script with yellow highlights.) I am to interject at the significant decision for our heroes. I interjected. What is the reason for calling cut?
I'm the writer and did not permit you to…
BRITISH NARRATOR
I'm in service to the words, not your ego. I said what was written.
I don't know how that got here. I don't remember writing it or why I wrote it, and well, I haven't been getting much sleep. I'm desperate to finish this in time. I don't have to explain myself! I could recast you.
BRITISH NARRATOR
How DARE you! I cannot work in this type of atmosphere. I am an artiste, not some rabble-bit player.
TAI LEE
(Tai Lee enters with burning sage and moves it around the British Narrator and the set.)
I banish all the negative energy and welcome the promise of glowing reviews of our production.
Thank you, Tai Lee, for bringing this kind of energy to this production.
MAI
(Mai moves her hand in a quacking duck motion.)
We get it. Tai Lee is the best. She is your favorite character.
Actually, she isn't my favorite character.
TAI LEE
What! I'm not. She looks down at herself. I can definitely see that I'm serene in the colors of pink, which are approachable and well-liked. (Tai Lee starts waving the burning sage around her.) I will not let this negativity enter my space.
My favorite character to write for is Sokka.
SOKKA
I KNEW it! (Sokka enters the stage, his chest all puffed out.) Now, let's talk about some of my choices. I think a few of the lines could be tweaked.
Don't push it!
MAI
(Mai throws a star that slices through his costume.)
SOKKA
Hey? What was that for? (Sokka looks at his torn costume.) Costume!
Mai! We don't have an endless budget. Please do not destroy the costumes. Now, I have to worry about continuity.
MAI
(Mai inspects another throwing star.) No worries. You haven't made much of an effort before regarding continuity. Why start now?
Mai, need I remind you that you are in the background for a reason. I can make you vanish entirely.
MAI
Whatever? It's not like any of us are getting paid. You are the great and powerful writer. (Mai bows and backs away.)
I know you are mocking me, but my fragile pride needs pandering. Alright, British Narrator…
BRITISH NARRATOR
I do have a name, you know?!
Do you? Do you? Galaxy Quest reference, bazinga!
BRITISH NARRATOR
Yes, Dante Konietzko
Nice! See what I did there?
BRITISH NARRATOR
What?! That is my name, and it is proper that you address me accordingly.
Fine, Dante Konietzko, can you pick up where we left off?
BRITISH NARRATOR
Our heroes made the arduous decision to allow the band of old guys to handle Zhou. At the same time, the Gaang took on the Dark Aster in hopes of destroying it. Azula joined this rebel group, which was a questionable alliance, but nonetheless, it was an alliance.
(The Gaang slow motions move toward the Dark Aster. Azula walks without attitude or looks like she is part of this rag-tag band of misfits. They all board the evil ship without getting waylaid or intercepted.)
Sokka smiled. "Our walk had that heroes movement showing that the universe is about to get saved!"
"Nah! That ain't no heroes walk." Momo removed the cigar from his mouth, "Ya see, when transferring into different altitudes, your body takes a bit to adjust, which slows down your perception of walking and general physical motion."
"I am, Apa."
Toph sniffed. "We did not change into different altitudes, ya numskull."
Suki petted Apa. "I agree with Apa. We looked cool."
Apa shakes his furry head in agreement.
Momo smacks his forehead. "Ain't nobody got some smarts in this here place."
Katara and Zuko glance at each other and roll their eyes.
Aang offered, "Katara, you definitely looked cool."
Zuko growled. "Cool it, Katara is with me."
"Right now, I'm with the group continuing to save this planet."
"Universe, Katara, uni-ver-se!" Sokka exaggerated. Suki giggled.
Katara lowered her eyes. "Fine, the universe, can we just go and save it already." She turns to Zuko and Azula. "Which of you knows how to override the mainframe to disable the Dark Aster for good."
Zuko stepped forward. "Both of us do."
"Great! Then let's go." Katara and the group headed up the gangplank.
Azula looked over her cyborg hand and flexed it while admiring her craftmanship. "I'm not planning on saving the Universe now or any day. If you want to destroy the Dark Aster, Zuzu is your best and frankly only bet."
Sokka's jaw dropped. "How can you say that about not wanting to save the Universe? It is the Universe."
Aang held up his hand. "Azula is a wanted criminal throughout the galaxy. It does track that she isn't a fan."
Sokka gaped. "But it is the UNI-verse!"
"The Universe has done nothing but disappoint and produce chaos. My misery will not change whether it is here or gone."
Momo pointed his gun at her. "Fine! Do what you want; just stay out of our way." Azula shrugged indifferently, but when Momo swung back, a side of Azula's mouth went up in a smile. Zuko noted it, and it made him nervous. Momo whipped around again. "Don't think you're getting any part of the bounty. You weren't on the initial cut."
"Fine, you hairy rat. I'm not here for the bounty."
Momo's gun flared up. "Why YOU! I'm a lemur!"
Aang jumped in front of both Momo and Azula. "Cool it! We have bigger problems then petty squabbles."
"Exactly, like for instance…" Zuko asked narrowly. "Why are you here, Azula?"
"Initially to destroy you, but now, I'm curious to see if you all will make it out alive."
"That's the plan to make it out alive," Zuko said evenly.
"And save the UNI-verse!" Sokka added. Everyone groaned. "What, it is true! We're heroes."
Suki reached up and kissed Sokka's cheek. "That's right, you're my hero."
Toph pushed between Sokka and Suki. "Let's get this show on the road so that I can get paid." She groaned and said through gritted teeth. "And save the universe."
The Gaang continued up the plank with a slightly disinterested Azula behind them. The ship was massive in scope. Shrouded women on either side moved their expanses in and out, and giant biospheres of energy pulsated.
"Do you think one of them there ladies would like to go on a date after this here, little war?" Momo waggled his ears, and his tail swished back and forth with happiness.
Katara reared back in disgust and then calmed down. She glanced over at their shielded faces and shrugged. "I mean, I'm sure they don't get out a lot. Why not?!" Katara glanced over at Zuko, who was fiddling with some wires. "Are you in yet?"
"I'm in!" Zuko exclaimed.
Azula slowly claps. "Well done, Zuzu, even a dum-dum can get into their system."
"Whatever, I'm in, alright." Zuko stamped away toward Katara.
Katara wondered if Sokka and she sounded like that when they bickered. "Thanks, Zuko."
Zuko relaxed. "You're welcome." He exhaled his tension and said evenly. "Azula, you don't have to be this way."
This way was part of Azuala since their mother had decided to kill herself. Ursa was only a flash of light first in the limitless expanse of stars. Her dying words were as empty as the promises he made. Azula had become a mindless robot that obeyed without questions or qualms. Zuko was equally and physically damaged. He had long since left the young boy who worried about his penmanship. As he floated among the stars, he wondered if that boy died the same day his mother drifted into the spirit realm.
Momo shoved past. "Whatever, let's get going!" They all moved down the hallway and looked into the main room. Momo pulled out the plans for the ship. "According to these documents, we must put bombs into four quadrants to destroy the engines and thus implode the ship."
"Implode, but the people?"
Apa stepped forward, "I am, Apa."
Toph burst out laughing. "He thinks he can get rid of the people."
Azula nodded. "This I gotta see."
Apa stepped up to the giant console and started tapping it with his paws. A microphone appeared from an opened slot. Apa coughed into his furry elbow, flexed his jaws and said in a perfect British accent. "Greetings, fellow Dark Aster shipmates; in honor of Thanos destroying the universe, there will be a final party; cake and ice cream will be provided for all crew and prisoners. Please, everyone, post haste, vacate the Dark Aster through designated signs marked exit in the next three minutes, or Thanos will torture you."
Everyone gaped at Apa as the microphone descended back into the console. The ship vibrated as everyone, minus the stunned Gaang members, exited the Dark Aster. One person was noted to say, I hope there is a Pineta.
Apa shrugged, "I am, Apa."
Momo patted the shoulder of Apa. "Good job, buddy." He leaned back and pushed a button. "I did the sweep of the ship, and besides us, it is empty."
A calm voice announced, "Please exit the ship in rapid panic and disorganization. The Dark Aster will implode in three minutes. Now, 2.59, now 2.58…"
The Gaang looked at each other, screamed, and ran toward the exit. Once outside, they slowed, trying to look nonchalant.
Katara looked around and saw that the Dark Aster crew looked disappointed, if not angry. "So, what should we do next?"
"The current plan is to get far away from the Dark Aster and not get vaporized." Sokka ran across an imaginary line, held up his finger and thumb, and pressed them together to form a square. He looked through it. "That should be far enough."
Everyone took one giant step from where they were and joined Sokka.
Katara prayed to the spirits that they would be all right. "When you say things like that, it makes me nervous."
A spark above the ship and then flashed, and the Dark Aster collapsed into itself with the words drawn where it once was, only the word-POOF!
The Dark Aster crew started yelling: where's the party; my teddy was on the ship; I want a pinata. Anger was building. Ozai and Thanos stopped playing and hit the fireball back and forth.
Zhou ran into the center and cackled, "Manicle laugh, manicle laugh! I have the Imagination Stone!"
The old men looked at each other and smiled. They moved into their stance with Bumi poised to pop open a Wup-Ass canister.
Toph yelled, "Let's get ready to rumbbbbbbbllllllleeeeeee!"
BREAK! 5-minute Break everyone. Be back here to pick up the next shot.
(The teamsters and crew dropped cameras, boom mike, and other equipment and headed to craft services."
A/N: Get a review, follow, and favorite before it is too late. I think I have two chapters left if that. I have something special planned for all my devotees who bothered to acknowledge this little story on the tiny corner of the internet space.