Happy New Year 2025! :D
Demon Lord Shinji returns after a long break! Hope you all had great time during the holidays and that you like this new chapter.
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Stupid
There was no tongue. Just their lips, not so much locked together as in mashed against each other, moving every now and then to find an always elusive comfortable position.
Shinji's hands held onto Asuka's arms with an iron-tight grip, and yet they were so sweaty that they could have slipped at any moment. Her own hands went to his back and clutched with as much strength, if not more. Shinji could feel her nails against his skin, just as he could feel her nose jabbing his cheek. When he tried to reciprocate her embrace, Asuka found herself held by stiff arms. In their lack of experience, they hugged far too tightly, while at the same time fearful of touching each other too much, or of touching what they shouldn't. His breathing tickled her.
Hers tickled him too.
Both had imagined how their first kiss would be, many times, long before meeting; and the reality turned out to be very different from their dreams. It was clumsy. It was uncomfortable. It was awkward.
Neither wanted it to stop.
Shinji stood on his toes, following an impulse to clear the small but noticeable height difference between them. Whatever doubt he had, it got lost in the many sensations that flooded his brain. Asuka's warmth, the texture of her lips, the softness of her skin. She didn't seem to mind his initiative. If anything, her moans of content indicated otherwise.
A yawning Pen-pen waddled in from the kitchen and made his way into the bathroom, not giving too much attention to his humans. When he returned, the kiss was still going on. Pen-pen stood next to Shinji's legs and looked up, tilting his little head. When it became clear that he was going to be pretty much ignored, he went back into his fridge.
Shinji was the first to pull back, albeit reluctantly. Before he could take a mouthful of air, Asuka put her lips on his again, with so much energy that it seemed more like a bite, even though no teeth were involved. The surprise made him open his eyes, and he saw blue surrounded by blush. And in that gaze, in which he gladly sunk, he beheld Asuka as he had never before. It was almost as if a barrier between them had been just torn down, after the longest time.
She had seen Shinji crying, both awake and asleep. She had also seen his fear when he poured his heart out to her. And yet, she had never felt him so vulnerable, so open for her to read. His emotions, his wants, poured into Asuka through his eyes. A window to the soul, as it was often said.
But her eyes said something else. It was as real as her desires and her happiness, and Shinji saw it too, in that blue so deep.
His eyes, Asuka realized, spoke what his mouth couldn't.
It was something that fueled, at least in part, the vitality of her kiss.
It was something that completed the message sent by his clumsy embrace.
Don't let me go.
I don't know what will happen next.
I'm scared.
Perhaps pulled by this fear, by these doubts; they ended the kiss. They didn't break the hug, nor did they stop looking at each other, their faces so close that they still felt their ticklish breathing.
What comes after the first kiss? That was the only question in their minds. What to say? What to do? Especially in their case, since they lived in the same apartment. They didn't even have the respite that other new couples enjoyed after their first dates, when each could go to their house and get some time alone to organize their thoughts.
What would be different from now on? What would be the same? No Angel or Demon had ever filled them with such a paralyzing insecurity. They, who had faced death more times than any kid their age should, now were terrified to look away from each other. They could pilot giant machines to protect mankind, but they shuddered at the thought of taking the next step, whichever it might be.
But their Units weren't there. What they were doing had nothing to do with the Evangelions. It was life. An experience that most humans would go through, sooner or later. Asuka hadn't been trained for that. Shinji's teacher hadn't prepared him for it.
They were alone.
Except they weren't.
"I like you too," Asuka said as she buried her face in Shinji's neck. "I really like you, too."
The answer. There it was. As soft as a caress, as jolting as an electric discharge. His arms circled all of her in a passionate embrace. Gone was the awkwardness of his first try. He didn't care anymore. All he wanted was to pull her closer, as much as he could, and never let go.
For the first time, Rei felt unease when the door to the commander's office slid open. It wasn't the darkness what bothered her, nor the emptiness of the room. No, she was used to those. What gave her pause was the man waiting inside.
She did her best to appear calm as she walked in, even though she was sure that the charade was a waste of time at that point. After her behavior during the battle, he would've certainly figured out that there was something different about his faithful and obedient Ayanami.
Commander Ikari wasn't waiting in his chair, but staring out the window, her back turned on her. Rei's footsteps echoed in the graveyard-like silence, impossible to miss or to ignore; yet he didn't say a word.
She thought he looked more imposing than usual. More distant, as well. Gone was the man whose smile she treasured, the commander she would've followed to the ends of the Earth and beyond. He, who once made her feel safe even when her destiny was to sacrifice her life for him, now emanated an aura of danger. His jacket, his hair, his shoes, his very stance… Gendo Ikari had become the ogre of a children's tale, a boogeyman that she should avoid at all costs.
But she couldn't.
"I'm here," she said, wondering if some naïve part of herself still hoped to find humanity and goodness in the commander, and if that part was the one in control.
Silence. Gendo Ikari didn't even move.
"I apologize for ignoring your orders in the last battle," Rei said, not believing any of those words. If anything, the notion of apologizing for not killing a friend made her physically ill. She had no doubt that, if the commander were to order it again, she wouldn't obey.
Nothing. He kept staring through the window. Rei's palms began to sweat. What else could he be waiting for, if not her apologies?
"But," she continued, "with all due respect, I determined that the course of action taken by pilot Sohryu was the most optimal one. Her plan had a high chance of success, and it would allow us to keep Unit-03 and its pilot relatively intact." She lowered her head, just a little bit. He didn't deserve a full bow. "I apologize if I acted inappropriately. I was thinking of the best possible outcome for Nerv."
Rei found it curious that, even though she had never lied so much to the commander, she didn't care about it. He had kept her nature as a half Lilith-spawn a secret from her, and who knew what other things he wasn't telling his own pilots, his own colleagues.
His own son.
She heard him turn around and approach, but she didn't look up until she felt his hand on her shoulder. And, when she saw him towering over her, his glasses shining white and hiding his eyes, his figure as dark as the office's shadows; her survival instincts jolted awake like they hadn't done in, quite literally, forever.
Boogeyman. Ogre. A dark figure that took children away and stuffed them in ovens, or in their case, inside giant biomechanical abominations. The desperate need to flee burned through her skin, a sensation almost alien to her.
"Don't worry about that now," Gendo said. "It's time for you LCL treatment. Come with me."
His words were cold, as was his touch. He even seemed to drain the heat from the very air as he walked past her. Rei wondered if he had always been like that, and she had just been to blind to notice.
She heard him stop near the door. She felt his gaze on her. He was about to ask why she wasn't going, and she feared what would happen if she told him, right there and now, that she didn't want to be near him anymore.
But her feet moved against her will. No protest came from her lips. Not that she had a lot of options in that particular aspect, either. Without the LCL treatment, her body would fall apart. Rei thought of maybe asking that they wait until Dr. Akagi was cleared from the hospital, but such a request would raise suspicions as well.
It seemed her own birth was a chain around her neck. No matter how many new friends she made, no matter how many tears she shed; she would always have to return to that glass tube in the bowels of the GeoFront, because she wasn't truly human.
Of course. Only humans could run from the boogeyman.
She had crawled into an abandoned building immediately after the battle, not even bothering to adopt her human disguise. She didn't care about returning to her apartment, or to the school in order to maintain her charade. It didn't matter anymore.
Sitting on a dusty floor, with blackened cobwebs hanging above her; Medusa cried. When the humans returned from the shelters and the city became busy again, she cried. As the night passed and a new dawn broke over Tokyo-3, she cried. The tears of sadness had dried up long ago, and only the wrathful ones remained. Each whimper was accompanied by a hiss or a growl, and her face was deformed into a permanent grimace. She held the stump of her right arm, and every time it healed, she clawed at it, to draw more blood. She needed physical pain to drown the heartache caused by those words.
I don't love you.
His words.
I don't love you.
Like daggers into her soul. It hurt worse than losing her arm, than any wound or broken bone she had suffered over the millennia. She wanted to believe that Shinji Ikari had been the one to speak, and not his Dante. Just Shinji, that immature, weak, despicable Black Invader persona created by Dante's amnesia; and that she just needed to…
Medusa clenched her teeth, her nails digging into her own flesh once more. The hope she had been clinging to felt rotten now. A lie. A self-imposed delusion, because reality was too painful to even consider.
Perhaps he wasn't his Dante, after all.
She bit her arm to not wail. For the first time in centuries of living in the shadows, of surviving without the help of her fellow loyalist demons; Medusa felt truly alone.
The chill of the night stung at her skin. The city lights outside seemed to be mocking her. The abandoned building felt more like a coffin. A grave for her mission, her purpose. It even smelled of death, thanks to the many small, bloody bones scattered around her.
"(Rats and pigeons?)" a voice said. "(Hardly a feast fit for a demoness of your caliber!)"
Something landed in front of her. It made the noise of bones breaking, and it splattered blood across Medusa's face.
It was the body of a teenage girl, her neck visibly snapped, her eyes already glassy and lifeless. It didn't stink of necrosis, so it was a fresh catch. Black hair and unremarkable features. Medusa didn't know if that lump of flesh and skin was a student from her class, or even from her school; but she didn't care. She looked at the woman who had thrown the corpse. The disguise of long auburn hair and pristine office suit didn't fool her. Medusa could see through the illusion.
"(Lamia of the Four Horsemen)," she hissed. "(Bugo has failed, so the Throne of Souls sends you?)"
"(Oh, I've been here for quite a while, dear,)" Lamia ran a hand through her own hair, changing it to blonde. "(So has Vorak.)"
Medusa's eyes shrunk. Her locks of hair wiggled in the air, and she showed all of her sharp teeth.
"(No need to do that,)" Lamia said. "(I'm not here to fight you. As you can see, I've brought you a peace offering. You must be hungry.)"
The two demonesses held a brief duel of glares, one hostile, the other patient. Medusa licked some of the blood splattered on her face. The smell of human meat filled her nose. How long had it been since the last one?
Her exhausted self couldn't take it anymore. No point in pretending that she wasn't ravenous, or desperate, or angry, or miserable. Medusa pretty much pounced on the dead girl, tearing her clothes off and sinking her teeth into the cold, but still tender flesh. Blood flowed like a river as the sound of biting, chewing and swallowing filled the abandoned building. Letting her stomach guide her actions, Medusa coiled her hair around the corpse, although not to petrify it. It was more like a lioness putting her paws over a zebra while eating, in an almost primal impulse to make sure that no other predator would take the meat away. The taste in her lips and the blood running down her chin were intoxicating. Soon, Medusa's stump had grown into a new right arm, identical to the previous one.
And yet, those were angry bites. She wasn't just satiating her hunger. Every muscle she tore and every organ she ripped was also an act of wrath. Her revenge on the whole human race, she would take on that dead girl, now so mauled that it was barely recognizable as a human.
Lamia watched it all unfold, without interrupting. She let Medusa have her symbolic vengeance, because she knew how useless it would be. It wouldn't douse the fires of her anger, but the opposite. And, once that happened…
"(I bet she would taste better if she was that red-haired brat, wouldn't she?)"
Medusa stopped. Her berserker feeding came to a halt, and a piece of flesh fell off her mouth. She looked at the other demoness, and in the depths of her teary and furious eyes, a spark of curiosity twinkled.
Lamia shrugged. "(But I can't get close to her.)" She offered an overly friendly smile, as true as her human disguise. "(Not while Shinji the Usurper is around. He would tear me apart if I dared to touch a single hair of her head. Same reason why you can't kill her yourself, either.)"
Medusa growled and put the fallen meat back in her mouth. She chewed it loudly, showing her teeth at each bite.
"(Besides,)" Lamia continued, ignoring the threat. "(The old farts don't want us interfering with Nerv. While I don't think they care about the pilots as individuals, I suspect that intentionally killing one would upset them. Perhaps enough to order my own death, and I don't want their hounds after me. Not yet, at least.)"
"(What do you want?)" Medusa asked, her voice still hoarse from her hours of crying.
Lamia's smile widened. "(A collaboration. Vorak is insistent on having a one-on-one duel with the Usurper. He has asked me to keep the pilots away from their Evas until he's finished.)"
"(Why would you need my aid?)"
"(Because you have chosen quite an intelligent disguise. You can get close to the pilots when they're most vulnerable. You could get me close, as well. Then I would temporarily remove Shinji from the equation, letting you deal with your most hated student,)" Lamia leaned in closer. "(In any way you wish.)"
Medusa breathed in. The aroma of human blood filled her lungs, stirring her vengeful desires even more. She imagined a future, very soon, where it wouldn't be the flesh of an unknown girl on her claws, but her flesh. Her dead blue eyes staring at nothing. Her mixed-race blood spilt. Medusa could taste it already.
"(How?)" she asked. "(How can you give me that?)"
"(It's easy,)" Lamia crouched next to her. "(If you help me summon my labyrinth.)"
Not many people noticed, but Rei Ayanami always seemed to have a faint glow surrounding her. Sometimes white like her skin, other times blue like her hair. The LCL often increased that glow. Or was it the darkness of that room? Gendo didn't know, but truth be told, it wasn't a concern. He didn't mind mysteries in Nerv, so long as they didn't jeopardize his plans.
He liked Ayanami's glow. It helped him remember that she was not a real human, nor a natural lifeform. They… He had made her. She was the ace up his sleeve to outsmart SEELE. His tool. His instrument. Not something he should get attached to.
One body, born from human and Seed of Life. Two souls, Lilith and Rei Ayanami, the latter keeping the former asleep and tame. Gendo would never forget the first five disastrous attempts before they figured it out. How Lilith had taken immediate control of those tiny bodies and lashed at them like a feral child. Maybe she could sense that they were perverting the decrees of the First Ancestral Race.
The sixth Rei had been their first success. Fuyutsuki had insisted on buying her a pretty red dress, to make her look more like a real child; but Gendo suspected that the old sentimental fool just wanted to celebrate a scientific breakthrough.
And then, Naoko happened.
Gendo turned his back to the glass tube, confident that Rei was unconscious at that moment. Then again, it wouldn't matter in the long run. He approached the console and began to input some instructions. He flipped a couple of switches and turned a few dials. The LCL treatment was mostly automated, but they could adjust the parameters if needed.
At the moment, Gendo considered that it was very much needed.
His finger approached the button. A little press and the soul transfer process would begin. The seventh Rei, who had survived the longest, would be decommissioned, and the spirits inside passed onto one of the many spares.
Gendo wasn't angry at Naoko for killing the sixth Rei. In doing so, she had provided them with very interesting data.
After a soul transference, Rei Ayanami forgets.
One push of a button and things would be like before his son arrived. An obedient and efficient Rei, who didn't waste time making friends or being more human. She wouldn't recognize the other pilots, nor have any recollection of their interactions. Even Dr. Akagi would become just another face in Nerv for her. And Gendo would make sure to keep the eighth Rei close. He would plan her schedules and make sure she followed them. No leniency this time. His instrument would not grow outside the established parameters. Not again.
It would be a good way to remind his son of who was in charge.
Gendo looked back at Rei one last time before pressing the button. Her eyes were closed as her hair floated lazily in the LCL. Even the movement of her chest as she breathed was barely noticeable. One would've been forgiven for thinking that she was nothing more than a mannequin or a doll. Her eerie glow gave him the final reassurance. Not a human.
But her sleeping face was like Yui's.
He pushed that thought out of his mind as soon as it appeared. For Gendo, it was poison. It was heresy. An idea he could not allow himself to have, lest his Scenario, his dream, be destroyed. His finger got even closer to the button. The transfer…
Just like you gave up on Mom's memory!
His son's voice pulled his arm back. Just an inch, but for him, it was too much. Why did he remember Shinji's voice now, of all times? Why did he care? What did that brat even know of giving up? He was just a kid who wished for pictures, ignorant that his father would soon bring her back. The real her. Gendo knew to not distract himself with mere look-alikes.
But it was still her face.
Gendo shook his head, and immediately he chastised himself for his weakness. He'd never needed such a childish gesture to dispel the unwelcome thoughts. He looked back, focusing on the glow. The reminder of her inhumanity. Rei Ayanami wasn't Yui, she was a tool to get her back, and he had no use for disobedient tools. He would not let his creation defy him.
…Yui would defy him sometimes. Well, 'disagreed with' was the more appropriate term. Especially when they talked about science. She would also scold him whenever he did something stupid, and yet, even when she did, she brought light to his world.
You gave up on Mom's memory!
No matter how much he tried to avoid it, Gendo found himself thinking of Yui. Of her focused face as her eyes moved across the final pages of a book. Rei often had a similar expression when reading.
Well, your decision was wrong!
Yui had always been good with animals. She often fantasized about getting a dog or a cat once they had their own place. All that had been long before Second Impact and the Evas, of course. Hadn't Rei adopted a stray cat recently?
What will happen to me once I've fulfilled my purpose?
He thought of Yui's smile, the gentlest he had ever seen. Rei had been smiling more since Shinji's arrival. And hers was just like…
Gendo fought the urge to slam his forehead against the control panel. The intrusive thoughts clawed at him like predators trying to eviscerate him. The button was so close, and yet it seemed impossible to reach. How? What was causing such a moment of weakness? His son? The Second? Rei? Which was the loathsome beacon that kept calling his most treasured memories at the worst possible time?
He thought of looking back one more time, searching for that reassuring glow; but he decided against it. He feared… no, he knew that, if he did, he wouldn't see a tool anymore. He wouldn't even see Rei. He would see Yui.
A reflection of Yui's warmth that the transfer would leave blank again. Sterile. Cold.
No. No! He couldn't falter now! It was a necessary sacrifice! It would bring the real Yui back! And yet, his body trembled. He was clenching his fists without realizing.
Gendo called in all his rage, all his pain stored through the years, and used it to give himself one final push. He pressed a button.
Rei awoke when she felt the LCL being drained. In just a few seconds, her feet touched the cold bottom of the tube. The glass around her parted.
That session had been strangely short.
As usual, Gendo was holding a towel for her. However, she couldn't sense the kindness he had always radiated in that situation. If such a thing had ever been real, and not part of his web of lies. Instead, it was the same aura of danger she had felt in his office. His hand made Rei think of a Venus flytrap waiting for a gullible insect, with the towel as bait.
But she took it. She had no other option. She just hoped that Gendo wouldn't notice her hesitance. Or how fast she pulled the towel and covered herself, as if not wanting him to see what he had already seen many times.
They looked at each other for a second that seemed to stretch to an eternity. She wondered how his eyes looked now, behind his glasses and the light they reflected. Would they be glaring at her in disappointment, anger, or both?
"You did good in apologizing," he said, his voice stern, yet chilling. "Your recent behaviour in battle was unacceptable. A dummy plug will be installed in Unit-00. Don't make me use it."
And he turned around. Caught off guard, Rei could only stare, mouth agape, as the commander walked away.
"Doctor Akagi will be released from the hospital tomorrow," Gendo said, not looking back. "You will resume living with her."
He disappeared through the door. She heard his hard footsteps for a while, careening further away from her, until they vanished into silence. Rei was left alone, soaked and naked, in that place whose darkness hid her many soulless copies.
But she smiled. Despite all of it, she smiled and let out a shy laughter of relief.
At the end, after all, the boogeyman had let her go.
We would like to say that Shinji and Asuka only broke their embrace when they wanted to. That they stood there, in the middle of the apartment, hugging for hours and finding, in each other's warmth, the safety and love they had sought for most of their lives. We would love to say that they ended the hug in perfect synch and held hands by instinct, fearful to completely let go. That they locked gazes once again, and this time, despite their insecurities, they saw happiness in each other's eyes. Or at least, the hope for it. It was there for them to grab if they were brave.
We would like to say that it happened like that. But in truth, their embrace came to a sudden and clumsy end because Asuka needed to pee.
When she returned, so embarrassed that she could feel the heat emanating from her face; she found Shinji standing in the same spot where she had left him.
"Have you been waiting all this time?" she asked.
Shinji shrugged in that sheepish way only he was capable of, which worked pretty much as an affirmation.
"You're hopeless," Asuka raised her hand to her mouth, to badly cover a giggle. "You don't have to wait while I do this kind of stuff."
He scratched the back of his head. "I guess I don't… Yeah, now that I think about it, it sounds pretty stupid. Sorr-" Asuka's glare made him skip that word. "I'm just not used to this couple stuff. I'm not sure what I should do."
He looked at her, and she cursed inwardly. Asuka hated to admit it, but she was as clueless as Shinji in that particular situation. She had read a lot about couple life in many magazines, but whatever advice she got out of them was now just a blur of words in her memory. She suspected they wouldn't have been useful anyway.
"What are you sure about?" she asked.
"That I want to be with you," his answer was immediate and caught both of them by surprise.
Asuka felt a tingling in her stomach. Would those be the famous butterflies she had heard about? She worried she was about to do something girly and silly, like pulling her hair over her face to hide the blush. Yes, she was a girl and a kid, lesson learned by now; but she still had her limits, dammit!
"Maybe that's enough," she said, rubbing her arm. "We stay with each other. Everything is the same as before, just… better."
An advice as much for herself as it was for Shinji. She could see the uncertainty in his eyes shrinking, and his smile growing lively and warm. He was still scared, that much was clear, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Scared of the new change in their lives, of not knowing what to do tomorrow.
But it was okay because she was terrified of the same thing. So, at least, they would be scared shitless together.
"Maybe we should go to bed," she suggested.
"It is pretty late," he agreed.
Neither took the first step towards the bedrooms. The silence grew awkward.
"I'm not sleepy," she said. Indeed, her previous exhaustion had vanished.
"Me neither," he said.
"Wanna play some videogames?"
They rushed to turn on the console. Each grabbed a cushion, eager for a more familiar and harmless activity. The shapes on the screen, the music, the noises and the feeling of buttons under their thumbs acted like a calming medicine. Soon they were laughing and teasing each other, locked in a competition. No more worries about the future or themselves, at least for the moment.
Well, Asuka worried about the fact that she was losing.
"Shit!" she hissed, comfortable enough to cuss and curse. "When did you get good at this?"
"Dunno," Shinji shrugged, but without taking the eyes off the screen. "Maybe I'm inspired tonight."
So cheeky, Asuka thought. She liked that confidence, though. The same one he had shown during the date. The butterflies returned to her stomach.
But that didn't mean she would let him be so cheeky, much less defeat her. So, following an impulse that had bloomed in her mind, not questioning if it was a good idea; she leaned and kissed Shinji on the cheek.
She could feel him growing stiff and tense. She could see his blush. She knew that, even after everything, a simple and sudden cheek kiss would still disarm him. He was adorable.
And he had just lost the game.
"A-Asuka!" Shinji protested. "That isn't fair! You cheated!"
"Course I did," she stuck out her tongue at him. "All is fair in love and war."
Asuka laughed at both her victory and Shinji's pouting. They started another round, and soon their attention was focused on the screen, in a silence broken only by the sounds of buttons being smashed. And yet, the whole time, Asuka was expecting Shinji to kiss her cheek. He would retaliate at any moment, trying to make her lose by using her same technique. He was so easy to predict sometimes. She would like it, of course; but if Shinji thought that a cheek peck would be enough to break her concentration, he had another thing com–
She shrieked and dropped the handle when she felt something tickling her exposed lower back. It was brief, but enough to grant victory to the second player.
Asuka turned her head in time to see Shinji's tail disappearing under his pants.
"What was that?" she asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Shinji said, averting his gaze.
"You are a terrible liar," she pointed an accusing finger at him. "You. Cheated."
He shrugged. "Maybe. But all is fair in love and war."
"Oh, you little…" although her words tried to sound threatening, her smile betrayed her true feelings. She raised both hands, positioned like claws, in attack mode. "So that's how you want to play, uh?"
"Wait!" Shinji crawled back, extending an arm in an attempt to protect himself. "I told you, I don't like tickles!"
"Well, too bad. First rule of couples: whatever you do to your girlfriend, she will do it back to you!"
Asuka leaped on him, her fingers searching for his more sensitive spots and assaulting them without mercy. Shinji's laughter filled the apartment as he tried to escape from her lock of arms and legs to no avail. So, with no better way of protecting himself, and knowing that his pleas to stop would be ignored; he just tickled her back.
They rolled on the floor, the game console ignored. Pen-pen peeked from inside his fridge, to see what was all that laughing and screaming. Upon checking on the kids, he rolled his eyes and went back inside.
As for Shinji and Asuka, their struggle had turned into a cushion fight, he supine on the floor and she on top of him. However, they soon burned the burst of adrenaline sparked by their first kiss, and the exhaustion of the past two days caught up with them again. Asuka let herself lie on Shinji, her head resting on his chest. They both panted, with giggles still escaping on occasion, as they embraced each other.
"I don't think I dislike tickles all that much," Shinji said, looking at the ceiling. "Well, it depends on who's doing it."
He tightened the hug a bit, as if wanting to encircle as much of Asuka with his arms as he could. She responded in kind, and he felt her hands clutching at his clothes, possessing but also loving, while she pressed her cheek against his chest. Asuka would've never imagined that she could be so comfortable listening to someone else's heartbeat.
In that position, she noticed when the rhythm of Shinji's breathing changed.
"What's eating you?" she asked.
"Nothing. Just a stupid thought."
She snorted. "So, the usual."
Shinji gave her a quick tickling. Asuka squirmed, letting out something halfway between a screech and laughter.
"But seriously now," Asuka poked his cheek with her pinky finger. "If something's worrying you, you can tell me."
He sighed. "It's just… I used to think that nobody would ever love me."
Those words also changed Asuka's breathing, but she didn't care if Shinji noticed it. Her mind was taken back to the time of her training. To the long sleepless nights on her bed, worried that she would never get the recognition she desired. To the episodes of crying in hiding, fearful of not being good enough. To the anger, the bitterness, the heartaches… the frightening idea that nobody would look at her.
That she would never be loved.
"Like I said," Shinji continued. "A stupid thou–"
Asuka's hand caressed his cheek. Up and down. Slow. Her fingers went for his hair, intertwining with his soft locks.
"It is stupid," she said. "We're both stupid."
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AUTHOR'S NOTES: It feels good to be back :)
Hope this chapter was worh the long wait. We start the year with full asushin! And don't forget: in the universe of this story, our Rei is the seventh, not the third. There were many failed attempts before.
I bring sad news, though. My one-year break wasn't as productive as I had intended :( I have some of Chapter 28 written, but less than I had hoped. So I'm afraid will be back to the 2 - 3 months waiting between chapters. I'll do my best to prevent the 5 months hiatuses from two years ago, but I can't promise anything. I apologize.
Special thanks to my beta-readers SheriffJohnStone and Baran_No.54 for their patience and their help whenever I got stuck in a scene. Also special thanks to Toomagachi, Chucky117, Guillaume Grigna, RealRemainder, Born2Walken, chunnin33, Calborghete, Lovemichi, Sunsetman, lord maou shinji 500, Guest (whoever you are), Shtrudlle, LDGV, Author0fntent, Wing Zero Alchemist and righteous-maximus for their reviews, and thank you to all and any who reads, follows and favorites.
Couldn't have done this without your support. Best wishes for 2025!