Chapter 3: "Nora, Nukes, and Wade Wilson Don't Mix"

Location: Beacon Academy's Cafeteria

Deadpool sat cross-legged on a cafeteria table, his mask slightly pulled up so he could stuff pancakes into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, then pointed a syrup-drenched fork at Team JNPR, seated nearby.

"Okay, so let me get this straight: you're Jaune, the underdog with way too much plot armor." He pointed to the blonde boy with comically ill-fitted armor.

"Uh… plot armor?" Jaune asked, blinking.

Deadpool ignored him and jabbed his fork at Pyrrha. "You're Pyrrha, the strong warrior goddess with so much tragic foreshadowing it's practically leaking out of your ears."

Pyrrha tilted her head, confused. "Foreshadowing?"

"Shh, don't think too hard about it." He spun to Ren. "Stoic ninja man. Probably has a tragic backstory and definitely doesn't like hugs."

Ren didn't respond, calmly sipping his tea. Deadpool leaned closer. "Did you hear me? I said hugs."

Ren glanced at him. "No."

Deadpool shrugged. "Fair." Finally, he turned to Nora Valkyrie, who was mid-bite of a pancake the size of her face. He paused, pointed his fork, and declared, "You. You are my favorite."

Nora grinned through a mouthful of syrup and pastry. "Thanks! Wanna arm wrestle?"

Jaune whispered urgently, "Don't do it."

"Yes!" Deadpool slammed his hand on the table with a gleeful laugh. "Let's see if this world can keep up with my power level!"

Nora slammed her elbow onto the table, grinning like a madwoman. Pyrrha sighed, clearly used to this. "Nora…"

"Bring it on, Pancake Queen!" Deadpool challenged.

Ruby leaned over to Team RWBY's table. "Is this… normal for him?"

Yang grinned. "No idea, but this is the best lunch entertainment ever."

Two Minutes Later

"I WASN'T READY!" Deadpool howled as Nora effortlessly slammed his arm down.

"VICTORY!" Nora cheered, jumping onto the table with her fists raised.

Deadpool cradled his arm, which dangled unnaturally. "I think you broke me! Wait… oh yeah, I heal." He yanked his arm straight with a loud pop. "There we go. Good as new!"

Nora peered at him with uncontained curiosity. "Wait, so you can't die?"

"Well…" Deadpool tilted his head. "Let's just say I respawn. A lot."

"Cool!" Nora grabbed his hand. "You're coming with me!"

Deadpool blinked. "Wait, what?"

Location: The Training Field

"You wanna blow up what?!" Deadpool exclaimed, katanas sheathed as he stared at Nora, who was assembling a makeshift grenade launcher with tools from her bag.

"We're gonna test my new 'explosive Grimm lure'!" Nora said enthusiastically, attaching canisters of something that Deadpool was pretty sure wasn't legal.

Deadpool clapped his hands together. "I'm in. I have so many questions, but mostly, I just wanna see things explode."

Ren, standing nearby with crossed arms, sighed heavily. "Nora, I told you—this is a bad idea."

"It's a great idea!" Nora shot back. "We'll lure Grimm to the bait, then—BOOM!"

Deadpool wiped away a fake tear. "She's a genius. A destructive, violent genius." He pulled out his own grenade. "And I love it."

Pyrrha looked at Jaune. "We should probably stop this, right?"

Jaune shrugged helplessly. "At this point? Let's just roll with it."

Ten Minutes Later

Deadpool and Nora stood side by side on a hill overlooking the forest, both wearing manic grins. Between them sat an enormous Grimm lure—some kind of barrel covered in meat, Dust, and duct tape.

"You ready?" Deadpool asked, pulling a pair of binoculars out of nowhere.

Nora hoisted her grenade launcher. "Born ready."

Deadpool nodded. "Three… two…"

Nora screamed, "FOR SCIENCE!" and fired.

The lure exploded in a shower of meat chunks, Dust, and what looked suspiciously like rainbow-colored glitter. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the ground shook.

ROOOOOOOOAAAARRR!

Deadpool's eyes widened behind his mask. "Uh… what kind of Grimm were we expecting here?"

A massive Death Stalker crashed through the treeline, followed by dozens of Beowolves and a pair of Nevermores circling overhead.

Nora whooped with joy. "YES! IT WORKED!"

Deadpool stared at the oncoming horde and turned to Nora. "Uh, okay, I love explosions as much as the next guy, but maybe we overdid it?"

Ren appeared behind them, his usual calm utterly gone. "What did you do?"

Deadpool pointed. "It was her idea!"

"TRAITOR!" Nora shouted.

Cue the Fight Montage

Deadpool drew his katanas. "All right, Grimmies! Who wants a piece of me?!"

The Death Stalker lunged. Deadpool dove out of the way, screaming, "NOT LIKE THAT!"

Nora, laughing like a maniac, swung Magnhild at a group of Beowolves. "Pancakes for everyone!"

Jaune fumbled with his sword. "Wait, what does that even mean?!"

Pyrrha sighed, calmly slicing through Grimm with pinpoint accuracy.

Ren darted through the chaos, glaring at Deadpool as he grabbed Nora's arm. "This is your fault."

Deadpool slid past on his knees, slicing a Beowolf's legs off. "I know! Isn't it great?!"

"NO!" Ren shouted.

Aftermath

When the smoke cleared, Deadpool stood triumphantly atop the Death Stalker's twitching body, mask splattered with black Grimm blood.

"WE DID IT!" he yelled. "That was the best day ever!"

Ren, covered in soot and glaring daggers, said, "I am never letting Nora near you again."

Nora, unfazed, grinned up at Deadpool. "That was AWESOME. You're officially my new science buddy!"

Deadpool gasped. "You mean it?"

"Yup!"

Pyrrha groaned. "This will not end well."

Jaune dusted himself off. "Can someone explain why everything explodes when he's involved?"

Deadpool put an arm around Nora and gestured dramatically to the horizon. "Because, my armor-clad friend, I'm Deadpool. And where I go, chaos follows."

Ruby appeared, panting, with Team RWBY in tow. "What happened this time?!"

Nora pointed excitedly. "Deadpool and I made a Grimm lure! And then we blew it up!"

Weiss stared at the smoldering battlefield. "You what?!"

Deadpool gave her finger-guns. "You're welcome, Snow White. I'll be here all week!"

Yang laughed, clapping him on the back. "I hate to say it, but you're growing on me, Red."

Deadpool grinned beneath his mask. "See? I'm lovable!" He turned to Ren, who was pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're just jealous."

Ren muttered, "I hate this world sometimes."

Deadpool leaned toward the invisible audience. "And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make friends. Explosions fix everything."

He winked.

To Be Continued…

Next Chapter: Deadpool gets detention (already), challenges Glynda to a duel, and learns why Qrow Branwen should never, ever share drinks with him.