Chapter 4: "Detention, Duels, and Drinks with Qrow"

Location: Ozpin's Office (Again)

"Deadpool…" Ozpin sighed, his tone even but exasperated as he stood beside a glaring Glynda Goodwitch. "You've only been at Beacon Academy for two days, and you've already destroyed part of the training grounds, created a Grimm horde, and detonated something labeled, and I quote, 'Nora's Science Experiment #47.'"

Deadpool sat comfortably in Ozpin's chair, feet kicked up on the desk. "You say 'destroyed,' I say 'improved.' That field was boring before we added a crater. You're welcome, sir."

Glynda's riding crop sparked ominously. "You broke my Dust canisters!"

"I prefer to think of it as reallocating resources for chaos," Deadpool quipped, tossing a paperweight in the air and catching it absentmindedly.

"Get your feet off my desk," Ozpin said calmly.

Deadpool slid out of the chair and struck a theatrical bow. "Fine, fine. What's my punishment? Extra training? Mopping floors? Being a mascot? Oh! Oh! Do I get to wear one of those adorable school uniforms?"

Glynda narrowed her eyes. "You have detention. Effective immediately."

"Detention?" Deadpool gasped in mock horror. "But I'm a delicate flower! You can't cage this majesty!"

Glynda flicked her crop, and with a snap, Deadpool was suddenly hanging upside down, pinned to the ceiling by energy restraints.

"This feels unnecessary!" Deadpool shouted, wiggling like an angry fish. "I could just sit in the corner and think about what I've done."

"Unlikely," Ozpin replied, sipping his coffee. "Glynda, take him to detention. And please, keep him away from Nora."

"Aw, come on!" Deadpool cried as Glynda marched out the door with him magically in tow. "I'm a positive influence on that kid! Like gasoline to a campfire!"

Ozpin sighed, rubbing his temples. "He's going to drive us all insane…"

Location: Beacon Detention Room

Beacon's detention room was surprisingly normal—four walls, a few chairs, and absolutely nothing entertaining to do. For the first time in a while, Deadpool sat quietly… for ten whole seconds.

"This is so boring!" he whined, spinning circles in his chair. "Where's the dramatic villain monologue? The lasers? The electric shocks? C'mon, detention's supposed to feel dangerous!"

"Detention is not supposed to be fun," Glynda snapped, standing guard by the door.

Deadpool grumbled, pulling out his katanas to sharpen them.

"Put those away!"

"They're emotional support swords!"

One Hour Later

Deadpool was now building a tower of chairs and books in the corner. "You're not the boss of gravity, Glynda!"

Glynda's eye twitched as she swished her riding crop, sending Deadpool crashing down into the pile with a loud thud.

"Oops," Deadpool muttered from under the rubble. "Didn't see that coming."

Later That Night: The Beacon Dorms

After escaping detention (and making Glynda seriously consider retirement), Deadpool wandered through the halls of Beacon with a spring in his step.

"I'm outta prison! Free as a bird! And I didn't even have to bribe anyone… this time."

As he passed the cafeteria, he spotted Qrow Branwen sitting alone, flask in hand.

Deadpool's eyes lit up. "Well, well, if it isn't Discount Wolverine."

Qrow looked up, brow furrowed. "Who're you calling discount?"

Deadpool slid into the seat across from him, mask still on but clearly grinning. "Relax, birdman, it's a compliment. Scruffy loner with questionable life choices? That's an iconic vibe."

Qrow stared at him for a long moment, then took a swig from his flask. "You're that idiot causing all the trouble."

"Guilty as charged!" Deadpool said proudly. "Name's Deadpool. Mercenary, swordsman, and everyone's favorite fourth-wall-breaking maniac. Who're you? Resident brooding uncle?"

Qrow smirked. "Something like that." He gestured with his flask. "You drink?"

Deadpool pulled out his own flask from… somewhere. "I thought you'd never ask!"

Cue: Chaos in the Beacon Courtyard

It turned out that mixing Qrow, Deadpool, and an unhealthy amount of alcohol was an incredibly bad idea.

"I'm telling you," Deadpool slurred as he wobbled onto a bench. "I once fought a guy named Cable. Big guy, cybernetic arm, totally ripped, no sense of humor. You'd hate him."

Qrow snorted, leaning against a lamppost. "You're a weird one, Wade."

Deadpool pointed dramatically. "I know! That's why people love me!"

Ruby appeared with Team RWBY in tow, eyes wide. "Uncle Qrow?! What are you doing?"

"Bonding," Qrow said with a shrug.

Yang tilted her head. "Is he… drunk?"

Deadpool spun toward them. "We're both drunk! Two bros, vibing, having the time of our lives!"

Weiss put a hand on her hip. "How is he still here?"

Blake muttered, "I ask myself that every day."

Deadpool suddenly pulled out a pair of maracas and started shaking them. "CONGA LINE!"

Qrow groaned. "Where'd you get those?"

Deadpool winked. "Don't ask questions you don't want answers to."

Five Minutes Later

To everyone's horror, Deadpool and Qrow were leading a conga line through the Beacon courtyard. Deadpool shook his maracas like his life depended on it while Qrow, flask still in hand, mumbled something about bad decisions.

A few random Beacon students joined in, because why not?

Ruby facepalmed. "This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen."

Yang snorted. "Admit it—it's kinda funny."

Weiss groaned. "How has no one stopped him yet?"

Blake sighed, flipping open a book and muttering, "If I ignore him, maybe he'll go away…"

Deadpool danced up to Team RWBY. "Come on, kids! Life's short! Shake what your animators gave ya!"

Ruby grabbed Qrow's sleeve. "Uncle Qrow! You're supposed to be responsible!"

Qrow swayed slightly, muttering, "I'm fun."

Deadpool threw an arm around him. "You are fun! I approve of this guy!"

At that moment, Glynda stormed into the courtyard, her riding crop sparking like a lightning rod. "WILSON!"

Deadpool froze mid-maraca shake. "Uh-oh. Time to run!"

Qrow squinted. "Nah, she's probably just—"

ZAP!

Glynda's energy strike sent both of them sprawling into the fountain with a loud splash.

Ruby stared at the chaos, mouth open. "Well… that happened."

Deadpool popped his head up from the water, holding up a soaked maraca. "Totally worth it!"

To Be Continued…

Next Chapter: Deadpool gets recruited for a "simple" Grimm hunt with Team RWBY, insists on naming every Grimm they fight, and accidentally teaches Ruby some questionable combat techniques.