Chapter 5: "Grimm Names, Ruby's New Moves, and Poor Life Choices"

Location: Beacon Training Grounds – Early Morning

"Alright, Team RWBY, today we're going on a simple Grimm patrol outside the city," Ruby announced, her voice brimming with enthusiasm as she adjusted Crescent Rose. "Ozpin wants us to scout the Emerald Forest for any unusual Grimm activity."

Weiss sighed, brushing nonexistent dust from Myrtenaster. "Simple? With him here? Nothing is ever simple."

The camera (yes, Deadpool was absolutely picturing a camera) panned to reveal Wade Wilson—Deadpool—lying across a pile of crates, head propped up on his hands.

"Did someone call for me?" Deadpool sang dramatically, flipping off the crates and landing in a pose that even Weiss had to admit was technically impressive.

"Why is he coming with us again?" Blake muttered, eyeing him warily.

"Because Ozpin said so," Ruby answered cheerfully, clearly unbothered. "And… well… he's not that bad, right?"

"Ruby," Weiss said flatly, "he created an exploding Grimm lure with Nora Valkyrie two days ago. He's that bad."

Deadpool sauntered up to Weiss, holding a finger to where his lips would be under the mask. "You wound me, Ice Queen. I'm here to help. I'm a team player! An honorary member of Team Red! Or Team RWBY, or Ruby, or however you pronounce it."

Ruby beamed. "I think we should give him a chance!"

Yang cracked her knuckles, grinning. "I mean, at the very least, it'll be entertaining."

The Emerald Forest

The team moved through the thick foliage with quiet precision… except for Deadpool, who was narrating the entire experience like a Discovery Channel host.

"And here we have Team RWBY, venturing into the deep, dark woods of Grimm Land. Notice their stealth. Their grace. Their sheer inability to stop me from tagging along."

Blake muttered, "He's louder than Nora."

Weiss gritted her teeth. "Please stop talking."

Deadpool spun dramatically, pointing both katanas at her. "You'll miss me when I'm gone, Snow White."

"Doubtful," Weiss shot back.

Ruby ignored them, instead focusing on a clearing up ahead. "Wait! I see movement!"

The group froze as a pack of Beowolves stalked into view, their red eyes glowing ominously.

Ruby turned to Deadpool. "Okay, since you insisted on coming, do you actually know how to fight Grimm?"

Deadpool gasped in mock offense. "Do I know how to fight? Please, Little Red, I've got skills for days." He spun his katanas with a flourish, striking a ridiculous pose.

Yang chuckled. "Alright then, show us what you got, Wade."

Cue: Deadpool vs. Beowolves

The first Beowolf lunged, claws extended. Deadpool grinned beneath his mask. "Come here, Fido!" He ducked under its strike and spun, slicing its legs clean off in one swift motion.

"Ha! Call that one Scruffy."

Another Beowolf charged. Deadpool jumped onto its back, riding it like a rodeo bull. "YEEHAW! This one's name is Fluffy, and I am officially your cowboy overlord!"

SLICE. He decapitated it mid-ride, landing in front of Team RWBY with a flourish.

Ruby's eyes sparkled. "That was awesome!"

Yang laughed. "Okay, I'll admit it—that was kinda cool."

Weiss muttered something about "reckless buffoonery," but even she seemed impressed.

Blake raised an eyebrow. "He's effective… in his own strange way."

Deadpool turned, holding up a Beowolf head like it was Hamlet's skull. "To fight, or not to fight? That is the question. And the answer is always: stab stuff."

Ruby clapped her hands together. "Alright, team, let's move—there's more Grimm incoming!"

The Grimm Horde

What was supposed to be a small scouting patrol had quickly escalated. Nevermores circled above while Ursas and more Beowolves lumbered out of the shadows.

Weiss groaned. "There's too many!"

Deadpool cracked his knuckles, clearly thrilled. "I love it when they line up to die!"

Ruby swung Crescent Rose into scythe form. "Let's do this, Team RWBY!"

Montage Time

•Ruby: Ruby zipped around the battlefield in bursts of rose petals, slicing through Beowolves with precision. Deadpool ran alongside her, yelling, "Tag team time!"

At one point, Ruby looked up to see Deadpool riding on a Nevermore's back, dual-wielding pistols and shouting, "I NAME THIS ONE BIRDIE SANDERS!" before shooting it repeatedly in the head.

•Yang: Yang punched her way through a group of Ursas, Ember Celica's blasts echoing through the forest. Deadpool slid next to her, holding his katanas out.

"Betcha can't punch harder than me!"

Yang smirked. "Oh, it's on."

The two charged into a Grimm together, Yang punching while Deadpool slashed wildly.

•Blake: Blake elegantly cut through Beowolves with Gambol Shroud, using her clones to confuse the Grimm. Deadpool appeared beside her, tossing grenades and shouting, "I call this move 'Explosion Shadow Technique!'"

Blake stared at him blankly. "That's not a real technique."

"It is now!" BOOM.

•Weiss: Weiss summoned glyphs and precise rapier strikes, effortlessly controlling the battlefield. Deadpool slid next to her and pulled out—of all things—a magic wand.

"What are you—" Weiss began.

"Leviosa!" Deadpool yelled, flailing the wand and throwing a grenade instead.

The explosion sent Grimm flying. Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're insufferable."

Post-Battle

The clearing was littered with blackened Grimm remains, and the team stood victorious—panting, bruised, but alive.

Ruby turned to Deadpool, her eyes wide with admiration. "That. Was. Amazing!"

Deadpool wiped nonexistent sweat from his mask. "Another day, another pile of monster corpses. And I didn't even lose a limb this time!"

Weiss scowled. "You almost got us killed with your recklessness."

"But I didn't!" Deadpool countered. "Plus, Fluffy and Scruffy were worth it."

Yang laughed. "He's growing on me."

Ruby clutched Crescent Rose excitedly. "Can you teach me some of those moves?!"

Deadpool froze. "Oh no, no, no, kid. You don't wanna learn my moves. They're… morally flexible."

"Pleeeeease?" Ruby begged.

Deadpool turned to the camera (because of course he did). "Am I about to ruin Ruby Rose's moral compass forever? Probably."

To Be Continued…

Next Chapter: Deadpool teaches Ruby "combat flair," Weiss finally snaps, and Glynda Goodwitch attempts (and fails) to keep Wade under control during a Beacon combat class.