Chapter Twenty Three

Linka smiled at the reflection of Wheeler when he returned from the bathroom in the pair of sweatpants he'd been sleeping in, the rest of his clothes under his arm. She was already dressed for bed but continued to brush her hair as she sat at her desk. "I will not be long."

He grunted in acknowledgement and got into bed, so she continued, "Tonight was more fun than I thought it would be, Mishka and Tanya were happy to have Nicolai here and I know Grandmuska loves having us all together."

That didn't get a response so she added, "I am glad that Tanya's parents left their keys with her though, it would be awkward if Nicolai slept on the sofa and I am still not sure how comfortable Nat will be about tomorrow, hopefully he will not return too early."

"Yeah." The single word was cold and obviously forced.

Linka put down her brush and approached the bed. "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? No, what could be wrong?" He sounded sarcastic but not angry, which did nothing to reassure her.

She crossed her arms, "You are mad at me so it probably has something to do with Nicolai, are you going to tell me or do you expect me to guess?"

His expression momentarily did reflect what he was feeling but his voice continued in the same tone as before, "That should be my question, are you going to tell me what he said to you when it took the pair of you like, half an hour to get pre-made desserts out of the refrigerator or should I just guess?"

Linka's temper flared but she was mindful that if she started yelling the others would probably hear so she modulated her voice into something as unnatural as her partner's. "If you have so little trust in me, I am surprised you did not follow us."

"I was going to, you heard Grandmuska tell me to let him help, what was I supposed to do?" Then seeing the hurt register on her face and mentally reviewing the conversation he added, "It's him I don't trust, I was worried he'd upset you."

"What changed?"

Wheeler shrugged, he couldn't help remembering how much happier she seemed when they returned, the tension in her body gone as she joked with her old friend over something from their childhood, "like I said, you tell me. I just want to know where I stand."

She sat down on the edge of the bed facing him like the fight had gone out of her but she was muttering a long string of vehement Russian that sounded none too friendly, finally ending in, "I wish we were not here so that I could scream at you properly. You know how I feel about him and about… everything with him."

He didn't say anything.

"Your jealousy is out of control."

"Tell me when I've been jealous since we've been together? It's not like men have suddenly stopped looking at you." He glared, "This isn't some random guy Linka, and you know it. He can't take his eyes off you and you've been giggling all night over the good old days, and I couldn't say a damned thing because I promised you that I wouldn't betray your secret. Well I haven't, so don't tell me I don't have it under control. And don't think I haven't noticed that you're still avoiding telling me what happened."

"Nothing 'happened'! Bozhe moy' Jason, of course I was going to tell you what he said, I just did not think it was so important I had to blurt it out the minute we were alone."

Somewhat mollified by her attitude, he noticed that she was shivering in the nighttime air. "You're cold, come to bed."

"Are you sure you do not need to 'know where you stand' first?" Irritable now rather than angry.

He sighed, "Sorry, just come to bed and we'll talk."

She did, turning the light off before settling into his arms and letting him wrap the covers around her. They lay there in silence for a while before Linka finally restarted their conversation. "I am sorry Lyubov, I should have thought about how you might be feeling about having him here. At first I was too worried that he would say something to Natalya, or my brother, and then after we spoke, I was relieved I suppose."

Wheeler kissed her head in silent encouragement to continue and she slowly recounted her conversation with Nicolai, carefully editing out only his opinion of her current boyfriend...

"Everything is ready, this will not take a moment." Linka headed straight for the refrigerator.

Nicolai stopped by the table and what he said made her blood run cold, "Linka, why did you not come to me when your cousins passed instead of taking up with that American?"

She paused, gazing into the fridge like she couldn't remember what she was looking for, "What?... Why would I do that?"

He stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders and she quickly closed the door so that she could step away from him, but it left her pressed against the cabinet. "Do not!"

"This is for Wheeler's benefit, but our understanding has the prior claim here, he will have to accept it. He will no doubt find someone else soon enough." She shook her head in disbelief, and he sighed, "I do not deny that I was grateful that you did not call me on my commitment to you immediately, we were still young with our own ambitions. Our passions got the best of us but thanks to your discretion and forbearance I am now able to provide for you and your cousin. It might be difficult at first, I am still relatively junior at the hospital however…"

"Stop! What are you talking about?" Linka could hardly believe what she was hearing, and was glad they'd chosen to speak in Russian because she wasn't sure Wheeler wouldn't follow after them. "Nicolai, Natalya and I already have a home, on Hope Island."

"Hmm," he nodded, "this is the reason you surrendered yourself to that idiot when you have waited for me for so long. I cannot say that I like it, but I am an understanding man and perhaps my long absence made you doubt me. Let me reassure you that I am still willing to take care of you and the child, and he will probably be relieved to be free of the burden anyw..."

Linka had had enough, she drew herself up and cut him off, trying to let him see how angry she was without raising her voice loud enough to draw her family's attention. "Do not speak of Jason that way to me, he is the best of men and deserves your respect, but let me be clear… I do not need either of you to take care of me or Nat and I make no bargains for my future. I am a Planeteer and my right to live and work on Hope Island is my own. As for this crazy idea that I was waiting for you…"

"Mishka has mentioned over the years that you did not date, he does not know why of course, and I thought it better not to tell him until we were ready to announce our engagement but…" again she interrupted.

"Oh my god! Did it never occur to you that I just don't discuss my social life with my big brother? It had to be about you?" She put her hand to her face hoping he would give her a moment to think because she didn't want to lie outright. She was painfully aware that he was at least partially responsible for her remaining single for so long, his assumed reasons for it were a long way off though and not something she wanted to discuss with him. "I am sorry you were under a misapprehension but you did it to yourself. I never considered that there was any understanding between us, in fact I had hoped you were too drunk to remember!"

He looked shocked so she continued, "I have been in love with Jason for years, we were both still very young when we met and I did not want to rush into anything. I was even more hesitant to let him make a commitment to me when Nat came to me, but he showed me over and over that we are the family he wanted, and certainly not a burden."

Conscious of how long they'd been she turned once more to the fridge and began taking out the desserts and putting them on the table. Nicolai was still standing there, apparently stunned, so she said, "I hope you will find someone to love one day, and I hope you will be happy, but I think I should warn you that relationships are not something you can store away for later and love is never convenient or easy."

Gesturing to the bowls, "we must start taking these in or they will come looking for us."

He nodded slowly, "I understand, I am sorry that I misjudged the situation… I still believe I have more to offer you than the 'surfer dude', but if you don't know that, it is my fault for not being more present in your life."

Linka stared at him, "just to be clear, I didn't want you to be more present in my life. I am happy to call you a friend – and if things work out between Tanya and Mishka, my brother – but I do not want you to think because you are welcome here that…"

"I have missed my chance, I do understand you Linka." He gave her a wry smile, "I may have fooled myself into believing it was more than it was, and I think I can stand being merely your brother hence forward, but please believe I am sincerely attached to you, and what we shared will always be special to me."

She was very relieved that he didn't wait for a response, but took the first couple of desserts and headed back towards the others.

"What a dick!" Wheeler laughed, "I'd lay odds he hasn't been faithful to you all these years either."

She chuckled, warmed as always by Wheeler's take on things, and immensely relieved that he was no longer tense. "I would not take that bet, I doubt it even occurred to him."

"Did you really tell him you love me?" He said it teasingly as if he thought she'd added that for his benefit.

"I did," she lifted her lips to his, "I meant it too."

Wheeler was more than willing to be distracted for a while but when they parted for air he voiced the final concern hovering in the back of his mind, "he didn't say anything about Nat… I mean other than her being your cousin?"

"Nyet…" she frowned, "I do not think he thought about her at all, but as much as I hope it stays that way, I know I must be prepared for him to work it out. I just hope he thinks enough of her to not want to upset her life, she is still so fragile."

He held her close, "We'll deal with it, whatever happens. I'm sorry I overreacted."

She shook her head, "It is not your fault, I let my fears get the better of me and I made them your problem. If I had told you from the start how I felt, maybe we would have worked past this by now."

"Nah, I'd still have been jealous as hell Babe." He laughed, "You liked him. Doesn't matter how much or for how long, or what our relationship is."

"Maybe," she moved to sit astride him, "I still think if we did more to build our physical connection you might find it easier to believe that I love you."

He smiled, "I love you too, and we'll get there. You know, I've been worried lately that you spend too much time thinking about what Nat and I want, it's good to hear that it's what you want too."

"Why did you not say anything?" She asked, not sure whether to be hurt or angry.

"I would have, I just figured it could wait until after the holidays. It wasn't life or death and I wasn't expecting to spend Christmas with your ex." He shrugged.

She lay down, still on top of him, and kissed his neck. "I do not plan too far ahead because something always happens to derail things, but right now, I have everything I want and I do not want it to end."

"Me too." He grinned, "too bad we're stuck here with your relations, or I might have been tempted to do something about that physical connection."

"Based on something Tanya said to me yesterday, I do not think we need to worry about sound carrying…" he could hear her nervousness even though she was laughing.

He hugged her tight, "You don't have anything to prove Babe, you know that, right?"

"Da." She nodded, rubbing her face against his skin. "But, I want to be free to make love with you Yankee, I am tired of being trapped by the nightmares I have wrapped around something that in itself meant so little, but could mean so much for us and for our future."

There was a long pause as he considered his response, and then, "I need you to make me a promise, and I need you to mean it."

"Go on," she prompted warily.

"Promise me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable you'll tell me..."

She raised her head to look at him, though she couldn't make out his expression in the dim light. "Of course I will."

He shook his head, "not 'of course', I'm serious Babe. You don't get any points for enduring, if we're going to try, let's try to make it work for both of us."

She snuggled back down. "Ok. I promise. But if I am doing that, you have to promise me you will not get worried that what you are doing is not ok if I do not react immediately. You are not responsible for what goes on in my head and sometimes I need time to sort it out."

"I promise," his hands were already tracing an interesting path over her back, "I'm all for taking time."

Linka chuckled, she could feel his growing interest where their bodies met but she'd gotten used to that over the last couple of months.

Nothing with Wheeler had been like her previous experiences and after she got over her initial fears she'd been happy to let him slowly advance their relationship. Now she'd told him she wanted to take that final step, some of her anxiety did return, but since he didn't immediately rush to get them there, she slowly relaxed again.

She sighed as his lips played gently over hers, his arms holding her to him while his hands demonstrated how much he'd learnt about her body and what she liked. She pushed away slightly to pull off her top, knowing how much he liked the skin to skin contact, and admitting to herself that she liked it too.

When Wheeler rolled them over so that he was above her she tensed slightly, her mind immediately going to 'this is it', but he only brought his lips down to her breasts, continuing the exploration he'd begun and building the heat that had started inside her. When at last he could tear himself away, he resumed his journey downwards, and her shorts went the way of her top.

The first time his mouth had played at her core she'd been shocked, not frightened - and certainly not reminded of her first time since there had been very little foreplay or anything else - but embarrassed by the intimacy. Her whispered, 'do people really do that?' had made him laugh so hard it had taken a certain amount of time to recapture the mood. He'd teased her about it but with such adoration in his eyes that it somehow made it ok instead of more awkward. She'd found herself laughing and joking with him until the pleasure took over.

Sighing with release as the present merged with her memories, she wasn't even alarmed when he climbed back up the bed to cover her body with his and nestle between her legs. "You know something else people do?"

His sweatpants were gone and the feel of him pressing against her not only rekindled the heat but fanned it into flames.

"Da," Linka had smiled at his choice of words and nodded in acceptance, but even feeling the after effects of his ministrations and his current position, she was still worrying her lip with an edge of nervousness.

He grinned. He couldn't see her clearly in the dim light but he knew her well enough to be confident in what he heard in her voice. He moved them so that she was back on top of him and shocked her again, "People," He told her irrepressibly, "reciprocate in kind."

"Are you asking me to…" she gasped, unable to finish the sentence.

Wheeler chuckled, "Don't panic, I don't expect you to take it that far. What I want is for you to get more comfortable with my body, it's something you've been avoiding and while I was fine letting you take your time, if you really want to do this I need to know that you're fully here with me."

"Of course I am…" she was genuinely confused.

"So you don't think of it as something I'm going to do to you?" there was a pause as she struggled to frame an answer, so he continued, "We're equals in this Babe, we're doing it together. Show me you understand that… show me it's what you want."

She nodded, still hesitating, then she kissed him slowly and thoroughly. If she thought he was just going to lie still and make her do all the work she was mistaken, but his tender encouragement left her free to explore as he had done with her.

Linka was incredibly glad that they'd left the light off. She was embarrassed by what she was doing, and even more embarrassed that it thrilled her to run her hands and lips over his body. Her cheeks were burning so badly that she felt she would spontaneously combust if he could see what it was doing to her.

Her questing hands reached the tops of his legs and she had to force her herself to trail down further over the muscles of his lower abdomen, letting her fingers stray into the hair which matched the colour on his head, though she couldn't tell. He moaned quietly as she took him in a light clasp, becoming fascinated as he responded to her touch.

"That's enough," his voice rasped and he would have pulled her hands away, and moved onto whatever he had next in mind but she stopped him.

"Nyet, I am not done."

He took a breath and released her, putting his hands flat on the bed, trying to control himself while he allowed her to do whatever else she felt she needed to do.

She explored him as he had for her, a little surprised that she felt no revulsion. In fact, Linka would have been lying if she said she didn't feel a small thrill of power in his trust, but the truth was she had taken his request seriously. This wasn't about getting him ready, or getting it over with, they both needed her to be fully committed and in the moment.

"God Linka!" he was a little louder than he'd intended and she shushed him. "You're killing me!"

She started to giggle, "This is not what I expected."

"Do you want to stop?" he really did feel like she was killing him then but he would stand by his promises and not do anything she didn't want.

"Nyet," she pressed a light kiss to him, in a gesture that was far more comfortable than either of them had thought possible. "Tell me what is next Yankee moy'".

He guided her back to his lips, rising to meet her and kissing her far longer than she anticipated. She let him manoeuvre her up over him, pulling her down gradually enough for her to let him in without pain. They were still kissing, his fingers were expertly helping her body to adapt and she was silently encouraging him. It felt natural, and right and not like… the other memory eluded her, no more than an insubstantial dream in the face of her new reality.

They didn't have to say anything, Wheeler was immediately aware of the point when it became not enough for Linka, she pressed herself closer, squirming with need in an unfocused way. He helped her move, guiding her hips to give her some relief and then laying them both down so that he could join her ride, and steadily increasing the pace until she exploded around him. He fell over the edge with her, emptying himself into her womb, their lips locked together, muffling their cries.

After they regained their senses they separated, but stayed tucked tightly in each other's arms.

"I love you." Wheeler kissed her tenderly, "You don't need to worry, about anything, not this time."

"I will not get pregnant," She whispered, guessing where his mind was going, "Gi and I are under Gaia's protection to stop… for other reasons."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed and she felt like maybe it was possible to love him even more after all.

"We can do that one day, if you want to." Her smile widened and he heard it in her voice, "We can do anything now. Spasiba."

He kissed her, "You sure you're ok?"

Linka nodded, "Part of me is sorry I waited so long after I met you, but I do not think I was ready before… I do wish I had waited for you. I know you said it does not matter, but then Nat would be yours and everything would be perfect."

"Everything is as perfect as anything ever gets in this world." He told her. "I wouldn't risk changing it for anything."

"I love you."

They kissed lovingly for some time, in no rush to sleep and slowly Linka realised that sleep wasn't on her lover's mind. When he would have moved her back on top of him however, she stopped him, choosing to pull him over her instead. "You do not need to worry. I know how it is supposed to feel now, what I remembered or feared I remembered is nothing in comparison."

"It's only going to get better," He made a promise and spent the rest of the night keeping it.

To be continued…