Chapter 13: Lessons in Family and Culture

The whole team got cleaned up and into more comfortable clothes, many of them opting for pajamas since it had been such a long day and the sun was already set by the time they were all done. Allura and Romelle allowed their hair to cascade freely down from their heads. Hunk called everyone to the Yellow Lion for a family meal, excited to share his tasty experiment. They pushed together a couple of cargo crates and managed to scrape together some cushions to sit on, creating a makeshift dining room where they could enjoy the meal together. Hunk and Romelle recounted their fight with the blidgor, Hunk singing Romelle's praises while Romelle bragged about the new form of his bayard.

Dinner, as always, was delicious. Hunk had kept his promise of a robust stew and it left the team feeling warm and fuzzy inside. While they were eating, Pidge got a notification from Krolia confirming that they were going to have to stay the night in the jungle. It made them uneasy, but they had faith in their teammates to keep themselves and each other safe.

Allura hardly said a word during the meal. There was a lot on her mind, from her recurring dreams about Lotor, to her injury and miraculous recovery, to the vision she had earlier today. On top of that, Keith, Lance and Krolia were going to have to stay the night in the deadly jungle. Sure, they were excellent warriors and were well versed in the art of survival, but that still didn't mean Allura wasn't concerned for their safety. She wished they could go get them and bring them back to the safety of the Lions. At least the nights on this planet were only about seven vargas in contrast to the 38-varga days. Coran had explained during dinner that the two suns of the system were responsible for that. At least they wouldn't have to stay too long.

Eventually the conversation turned to Tsk-ng, Romelle bombarding him with questions about Murichlorian society. Tsk-ng graciously explained that they were nomadic people, somewhat isolated from each other. He revealed that their lifespans were considerably shorter than humans, but built highly advanced technology using the connective root system of the trempoplum tree for the communication of data-similar to the Balmerans. They could also communicate across long distances by rubbing their wings together and only came together as large societies every ten deca-phoebes to procreate. It seemed strange at first, given their short lifespan, but considering the fact that they had hundreds of offspring at a time, who spent the majority of their larvae stage of life attached to the trempoplum tree, it made some kind of sense. It was for this reason that the Murichloiran understanding of family was… somewhat different, to put it lightly, than how the crew understood it. They felt no need to make physical contact, seeing as they had the roots of the trempoplum connecting them all across the planet.

"That must be nice. Being so connected to your people like that," Romelle commented.

As Tsk-ng twittered in response, Coran translated. "It is. Since most of our lives are spent receiving nourishment from the trempoplum, in all stages of life, we are very connected to it, consequently the planet as a whole, and in turn one another."

"May I ask a rather…direct question?" Romelle asked.

Tsk-ng gestured to her with one of his hands to go ahead.

"During the procreation celebration, do you take on many different partners?"

Tsk-ng nodded emphatically and Coran translated, getting progressively redder in the face with embarrassment. "Oh, yes! As many as possible in fact. The more the merrier!"

"Amazing!" Romelle exclaimed. At this Allura jolted hard back into the conversation. "We have a procreating ritual as well, where the more Alteans participate, the stronger the offspring!"

"Oh! Indeed, but it doesn't require sex." Allura chimed in quickly.

Romelle quirked an eyebrow at her, like she'd grown a third head.

"Indeed! King Alfernius II, invented quintessence incubation pods for the express purpose of negating the use for, erm, orgies," Coran coughed over the word.

Romelle now looked at Coran as if he had grown a third head. "It's called a conclave." Romelle declared.

"My great-great grandfather was a prudent man. He valued the sanctity of the bond between spouses and promoted sexual health by keeping partners to only one. He made the quintessence pods in order to honor the quintessential ritual of infusing the child with the family's power without the requirement of a sexual encounter. At my conception ceremony, the entire planet gathered and offered their quintessence so that I could grow to be a strong, prosperous queen." Allura had begun her monologue with princess aplomb, but at the mention of her planet, grief bit hard at her heart and tears crept up behind her eyes.

"Whoa! The entire planet? So that's why you're so magically strong! No wonder you could heal an entire Balmera by yourself!" Hunk laughed. "Man, that's crazy! Altean tech never ceases to amaze me!"

Romelle's mouth hung open and she blinked slowly, struggling to cope with this news. "Wait! Wait just a quiznacking second! You're telling me there were only two spouses on Altea and that was normal? On Pollux, sure, I only had my mum and dad, but that was an exception! Bandor had three mothers and we shared our father. I think that's why he ultimately got picked for Lotor's alleged colony! He had significantly more quintessential prowess than I ever had." Romelle was getting herself worked up and stuttered on seemingly random words and sounds before getting her bearings again. "And you had an entire planet present at your conception because your great great grandpa didn't like sex, so he invented a way for babies not to grow in a womb?"

"He didn't disapprove of it, he wanted a way for stronger Alteans to be born!"

"By taking away the beauty of a conclave?"

"By creating a way where whole villages, towns, cities, populations could give to the child being conceived! Without engaging in a primitive practice where disease could easily spread!"

"Primitive?!" Romelle was aghast, and suddenly Allura heard her own words thrown back at her. The vitriol that had been in her tone without her realizing it, the vehement way she had voiced her great great grandfather's ideals. From the fire in Romelle's eyes, she now understood how offensive she'd been.

"How about we change the subject? Things are clearly being quite heated about this." Shiro suggested.

Romelle glared daggers at Allura and she looked down, ashamed.

"I have a completely unrelated question," Hunk said quickly, raising his hand. "You guys are like, super advanced with your technology as we've seen. Are you a space-faring people?"

Romelle breathed in deeply and let out a breath slowly, folding her arms protectively in front of her.

Tsk-ng nodded thoughtfully and explained, Coran following a few clicks behind him was clearly relieved to have moved on from the previous subject. "Very few Murichlorians have ever actually left the planet. We've developed long-range communication devices, which made our presence known to other nearby species, but if we leave the planet, our connection with the trempoplum is severed." Coran waited a couple ticks as he gathered more information. "We are alone if we are in space. Only the brave few who seek to share our advanced medicine venture to leave. Occasionally, we get travellers from other worlds who seek our knowledge and aid. We help them, and in return they share their knowledge with us." Tsk-ng stretched his four arms up above his head after Coran finished translating his sentence before continuing on with a series of slower, lower pitched, grumbling clicks. "Well, it is getting late and I must take Tun-ruhk hunting. Don't worry, though. Not enough time will pass for the phantom-thirst bugs to swarm you completely."

Tsk-ng hopped off the cargobox-table-there had not been a seat tall enough for him, so he had opted to sit on top of it-and waved one of his hands at the team, giving a soft smile with his large black eyes.

Hunk stretched his arms up above his head and gave a big yawn. "Well, I'm going to start cleaning up. Romelle, can I take your dish?" he asked, already gathering the other bowls and utensils on the table.

"Oh, sure, thank you," she replied, sounding more curt than she intended.

"Let me help you, Hunk." Allura picked up her own bowl and reached over to grab Pidge's and Coran's as well.

"Thanks, Allura." Hunk smiled at her.

The two made their way into the Yellow Lion's kitchen. Although there was a table in there, it was not nearly big enough for seven people, which is why they set up their makeshift table in the hull. Allura set down the bowls and utensils she had been carrying on the counter before turning on the water, allowing it to heat up. Hunk then grabbed a sponge and ran it under the water. "I wash, you dry?" he asked.

Allura nodded. "Sure." She walked around the other side of Hunk to the drying rack that was welded to the shiny, metal countertop. Steam started rising up from the water and Hunk donned some blue gloves to rinse the dishes.

It was somewhat hypnotizing, the way the water cascaded into each bowl, Hunk swirling it around before dumping it out. Everything moving in a counter-clockwise motion as he whisked the sponge around in the bowls before rinsing them and setting them on the rack for Allura to dry. He'd washed three of them before noticing that her attention was elsewhere.

"Allura?"

"Yes?" her answer was a detached monotone. Her face remained motionless, not flinching even the slightest.

Hunk waved one of his hands in front of her face, giving her a quizzical expression. "Hello?"

"Oh! My apologies." She quickly picked up one of the bowls and began wiping it with a white rag that had a yellow stripe on each end.

"You ok? You spaced out for a second there."

"Hm? Oh, yes. Sorry, there's just a lot on my mind."

Hunk turned back to look at the dishes in the sink but kept his eye on her in his peripheral vision. "You were quiet during dinner, too… that is until, well, you know-"

Allura knit her eyebrows together unconsciously. "Yes… I suppose I was." Allura paused, letting out a small sigh. "I'm going to have to apologize to Romelle."

"Yeesh, yeah, things got pret-ty spicy there for a minute. And I'm not talking about the food."

Allura managed a humorless smile. "Indeed."

Silence hung limply in the air for a few ticks as Hunk scrubbed circles around a dirty bowl. "Do you want to talk about it?" he offered gently.

"There are things about Altean culture I did not expect to change… I suppose that was rather close-minded of me."

"Mm, yeah, probably. It wouldn't be the first time a technological innovation changed a fundamental way in which a society operates."

"Primitive… how could I have been so insensitive?"

"Yeaaah. Not one of your finer moments, Princess. But try not to beat yourself up for it. At least you admit that you were harsh and you already plan to apologize."

Allura sighed as she grabbed another dish to dry. "I suppose you have a point."

They continued washing and drying for a few moments in silence. Allura tried not to replay the scenario at dinner over and over in her head.

"So…can I ask what else has been on your mind?" Hunk asked, breaking the silence, and thankfully interrupting the third replay.

Allura inhaled deeply before letting out the breath. Flashes of her vision from earlier today and her constant dreams battled in her mind for supremacy. That incredible bliss that she had felt earlier that day-that figure she saw in her vision-conflicted with her intense hatred.

It was Lotor.

He'd reached out to her again. How? She wasn't sure, but he had. Could she tell Hunk about it? Did she have any proof other than the nightmares she'd been having and the vision she saw today? She didn't want to alarm anyone.

All the regret she felt for having believed in that manipulative, self-absorbed man sank her deep into the dark pool of bitterness. She put her faith in him even though she knew in the root of her being that it wasn't a good idea. He just wanted her to use as a tool. That's all she ever was to anyone; specifically those who became romantically interested in her. There was always some ulterior motive. Some hidden agenda that they managed to conceal so well until after she'd fallen for their lies and gave them part of her heart.

She decided that if nothing else, she could tell Hunk of her dance with romance. In a way, it was one of the things that was weighing on her shoulders this past phoeb, even if it was only a small fraction of the problem.

After a long silence, she struggled to form the words. "I… I guess I've never had the greatest luck with romance." She glanced up at the ceiling before picking up another bowl. "Back on Altea, I had many suitors. But I only ever got to know two of them." She picked up another dish. "The first… well, to keep the story short, let's just say he was really only interested in the throne. Nevermind the fact that he basically chose the status of our relationship without actually asking. He was… deceivingly sweet and caring until I finally figured out his charade." She took the dish she was drying and put it down just a little less gently than she had the previous and sighed. "Anyway.

"The second had this complex, kind of like Lotor come to think of it, about doing something great in the universe. She just didn't have killing Alteans in mind, so, I guess she wasn't quite as bad." Allura slumped her shoulders down, briefly pausing from drying dishes.

"Wait, sorry, she?"

Allura glanced up at him. It wasn't until she saw the astounded look on his face that she raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes? What's the matter?"

"Oh! Nothing!" Hunk shrugged and shook his head. "I just didn't know you, uh, swing both ways."

Allura furrowed both brows at him, perplexed by his statement. "Swing both ways? Is that an Earth idiom?"

"Uh, yeah. It means… that you uh, like both men and women like… sexually." The last word rolled off of Hunk's tongue slowly and awkwardly.

Allura pursed her lips slightly as Hunk struggled with his words. "Is that not common on Earth?"

Hunk glanced his eyes upward in thought. "Well, I guess it's always been kinda common. It's just a lot more accepted than it used to be."

"Accepted? It was not always so?"

"Well… no. Quite frankly, there was a big stigma tied to anything other than heteronormativity. There was discrimination, hate, war... It wasn't pretty."

"Hetero-normativity?" Allura carefully sounded out. "What does that mean?"

"Oh, like, guys with girls, and girls with guys. That's the norm on Earth."

Allura furrowed her brows deeper in thought. "And… there were wars fought about this?" Earth's customs sure were strange.

"Sadly, yeah. More than once, people who didn't conform to that norm were discriminated against, killed even. It's a lot better now, but even still, there are some people who don't like it."

Allura knit her eyebrows together in a concerned expression. "You are not one of those people, are you?"

"What!? No! Of course not!" Hunk waved his hands emphatically. "I just wasn't expecting it from you. You asked why it didn't used to be accepted on Earth, so I was just explaining."

"Huh." Allura turned her gaze away from him and started drying dishes again. "So, humans took offense to this 'swinging both ways?'"

"Well, it really depends on who you talk to. I don't see it as a problem. Let people love who they want to love, right?"

"That only seems logical," Allura responded before she turned her gaze back to Hunk. "What I don't understand is why anyone would take offense in the first place."

Hunk shrugged. "Ehhh, well. Some people don't like it because of their religion or-"

"Religion?" Allura put down the dish she was drying. "What does religion have to do with it?"

Hunk raised his eyebrows at her. "Do you really want to know? I have a feeling you're not gonna like the answer."

Allura managed a small smirk. "Well, you're the one who started the conversation. I'm merely trying to understand why humans thought it was strange in the first place."

Hunk's lips turned into an upside-down U and he nodded his head. "Fair enough. I think one of the main things is that same-sex couples can't reproduce naturally. But now there's surrogates, implantation; there's other ways they can have children, I think the people who use that as their argument are behind on the times."

Allura pulled her head far back in utter shock. "Wait a tick." She held up a hand and prepared finger quotes. "These, 'same-sex couples,' as you call them, can't reproduce?"

Hunk furrowed his eyebrows and shifted his eyes around the room. "No. It's not really possible without advanced science. And even then, it's not affordable for a lotta people, anyway." He shrugged.

Allura's eyes went wide. "Really?"

Hunk pulled his head back and raised an eyebrow high. "Y-Yes? Why? What was it like on Altea?"

Allura shook her head as her eyebrows raised. "I guess I underestimated how different humans and Alteans are."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for starters, Alteans can reproduce with whomever they so choose, regardless of what you know as 'sex.'"

Hunk furrowed his eyebrows slightly and executed finger quotes. "'What you know as sex.' What does that mean? Why do you say it like that?"

Allura picked up another dish and began explaining. "Alteans appear to be male and female as you would call it. There are differences, yes, but Alteans are quintessential beings. Our quintessence 'fingerprint,' is what determines our outward appearance. So long as we are with another quintessential being, we can reproduce as we please."

Hunk blinked a few times and was quiet for a moment as he processed the information. "So basically, Altean magic lets you have babies with whoever you want because of quintessence."

Allura shrugged a nod. "To put it simply, yes."

Hunk snorted a laugh as he started rinsing the last dish. "No wonder you were so confused. So, Alteans have never had to be concerned if they liked guys or girls."

Allura chuckled warmly as she put the dish down. "It sounds a bit strange to hear you say it like that. But yes."

Hunk smiled up at her as he turned off the steamy water. "That's really cool! Lemme ask another question, then. You said your great great grandfather made, uh, birthing pods? How did that work?"

"Well, previously, as Romelle stated, Alteans would participate in… conclaves-" she had to stop herself from saying orgies- "to create strong offspring. One Altean would choose to carry the child while the rest of the partners offered their quintessence in a sexual encounter of epic proportions. King Alfernius II was so in love with his queen, Leondra that he did not want any other partner. With Altean births needing at least three Alteans to be viable, two to contribute quintessence and one to carry the child, he wanted to figure out how to build a functional vessel. He was successful, and quickly found that, even without the need for a third partner, many Alteans could still contribute to the child. It is called coalescence when two or more Alteans bind their energies together to create a new being. Alfernius was such a beloved king and respected ruler that the practice became commonplace. He installed incubation pods in every town and village, often providing each house with one. Whole neighborhoods could show up for the coalescence, and it resulted in an age for Altean magic to make great strides alongside its technology. Conclaves became less common and eventually fell out of mainstream practice."

Hunk whistled. "That's a lotta history." A brief silence fell over the two as Hunk placed the last dish on the counter to be dried. "Anyway," he sighed. "We were talking about your ex-lover with the god-complex?"

Allura laughed bitterly. "Ah, yes." She picked up the dish as pain tainted her expression. She thought quietly for a few ticks. "Well, that was her primary problem. Controlling, egotistical, always sweet-talking me into thinking just like she wanted me to before I realized how twisted it was. There's not much more to be said there."

"Wow, Allura. I'm sorry."

She sighed and finished drying the dish in her hands. "It's alright. Well, it's not alright, but thank you, Hunk." She paused for a brief moment, considering her past experiences. "You know? Those suitors all those millennia ago? They had a few things in common: a need for control, power, irrefutable self-righteousness. All traits that Lotor had. Only he was much more dangerous and sinister, using countless lives to further his delusional agenda."

Hunk's gaze softened as he looked compassionately at her.

Allura sneered a laugh again. "Those failed courtships seem so trivial in comparison, now." She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. "Why did I have to be so naive?"

"Whoa, you can't blame yourself for people being jerks… or psychopaths. He's the one who took advantage of you. Of all of us, really. You can't carry the weight of blame on your shoulders for that."

Allura exhaled. "I know. I'm trying not to. I just... don't want to fall into the same trap again. Now that I think about it, I've only been intimately acquainted with manipulative people who take advantage of everyone around them: Lying or twisting the truth, convincing you that they are in the right, and talking their way into your good graces. The two suitors were manipulative, sure, but Lotor?" Allura closed her eyes and shook her head. Hunk leaned against the countertop and faced the princess as she picked up the second to last dish.

"What bothers me the most is that I felt that pit of doubt in my core with Lotor, but he seemed so genuine that I fell for it. Again." Allura sighed deeply, casting her gaze downward as she picked up the last big pot. "Sometimes it feels like there's something wrong with me. Why do I trust those who only want something from me? Why can't one, just one, want me for me? Not my status, or my power, or my quintessential connection..." She finished drying the pot and put it upside down on the counter before turning around and leaning her back against the counter. She folded her arms in front of her and furrowed her white brows deeply. "You'd think after all this time, I'd learn my lesson."

Hunk scrunched his mouth to one side in a look of sympathy for a brief moment before it seemed like a thought occurred to him, his eyes suddenly lighting up as if he had a solution to her problem. "I'm sorry you've had such rotten luck with love. But I think I might be able to tell you something that, hopefully, makes you feel a little better?"

Allura gave a wry chuckle. "What's that?"

Hunk managed a small smile. "First of all, you trusted us, and we would definitely never hurt you. Secondly, I do know that there's one guy who really cares about you in the way you just said," he clarified, holding up a hand. "Like, romantically, I mean."

Allura looked up at him, slight curiosity tinting her gaze.

"You know him. About your height, skinny, got a boyish charm to him."

Allura chuckled breathily and glanced at Hunk out of the corner of her eye. "You're talking about Lance."

"Yeah!" Hunk paused a tick. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"No, not bad. Just… I'm not sure." The princess shrugged. "I suppose he has certainly grown up in a lot of ways."

"Right! Also just so you know-and I'm not the one who told you this. You know, gotta uphold bro-code." Hunk thumped a fist to his chest before continuing. "But he really cares a lot about you, Allura. And not because you're a princess, or because of your magical powers or because you have something that he wants to take from you. He genuinely cares for you. Sure, he might have acted, like, a little immature in the past. But you know, what teenager doesn't? All I'm saying is, maybe one day, when you're ready-if you're ready-to give love another shot, he might surprise you if you gave him the chance."

Allura heaved a sigh, raising her shoulders up before collapsing them down again. A small, crooked smile tugged at the corner of her lip. "You're probably right. I just-It's difficult. Difficult to be that vulnerable again."

"Yeah, love sometimes sucks that way." Hunk nodded sympathetically. "Look, I'm not saying that you should jump into a relationship with Lance right away. Unless that's something you realize you really want. To say the thing with Lotor was awful would be… way more than an understatement, especially for you. It's going to take some time for you to heal. That might take a while, and it's ok if it does. Just know you've got friends who will support you no matter what. Everyone who's on this space road-trip to Earth; including Lance."

Allura stayed quiet for another long moment, not taking her eyes off of the ground. Her smile slowly spread from one corner of her mouth to the other as she let out a sigh of relief and turned her attention up to the other paladin. "Thank you, Hunk." Perhaps this was part of the reason she had the urge to help him with dishes. He was always there to offer an encouraging and helpful word for any of his teammates.

He returned a broad, close-mouthed smile. "Any time, Allura." He then held out his arms and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Bring it in for a hug?"

Allura giggled lightly, pushing herself away from the counter. "Of course." She wrapped her arms around his broad back as his large arms enveloped her in a soothing embrace. She always did like Hunk's hugs. His caring empathy seemed to flow out of his spirit and into hers, bathing her in the gentle warmth of the rising sun. She held on for a few ticks longer, leaning into the embrace. "Thank you," she uttered.

Hunk held onto her for another moment until she finally released him. "Any time." He gave her a soft smile. "Get some rest. You deserve it."

"You too." Allura gave his arm a squeeze before slowly walking out of the kitchen.

Kosmo was there outside the door waiting expectantly for her. After she greeted him affectionately, he teleported her over into the Blue Lion before blinking away once again.

She made her way over to her quarters where Coran sat up reading something on his orange data pad while Romelle was nowhere in sight. Perhaps she decided to sleep in one of the other Paladin's lions. Or she was doing some late night training. She can't say that she blamed her for wanting some space after the way Allura had spoken to her at dinner. She debated going to find her, but found that once she sat on her bed, she had absolutely no more energy to move around and wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"Goodnight, Coran," Allura said quietly to him as she climbed into bed.

"Sleep well, Princess," he replied, giving her a gentle smile.

Allura cuddled into her blankets, allowing her mind to wander. Perhaps Hunk was right. Of course she knew Lance would never try to manipulate her or mistreat her and she had noticed how much he'd matured over the time she'd known him. He wasn't just a kid anymore. Although, as Hunk had mentioned, he'd always have that boyish charm about him. But he'd grown into a fiercely loyal friend who was ready to sacrifice his very life for the sake of the greater good. Luckily, Allura had been able to save him when he actually did. She'd be lying if she said their bond wasn't stronger after that. There was a sort of understanding between the two of them that she couldn't explain. Perhaps he would be the one for her? Maybe, one day?

Chapter 13.2: Shatter

With five words, Keith's entire world shattered.

It was like the floor had been pulled out from underneath him, his stomach jolting and plummeting sickeningly into a dark oblivion.

No. No. This can't be happening. I'm dreaming.

The world seemed to stop as his breath left him, and for what felt like hours, he forgot to breathe altogether.

You idiot. Of course it's not you. It's never been you. It's always been her.

His stomach lurched as bile built in his mouth almost immediately in response to his anxiety. He was going to be sick.

You absolute moron. How could you have been so stupid?

Without any warning, Keith's body forced itself to take another breath. As air filled his lungs, the world unfroze, now moving at hyper speed as Keith's head spun and his breathing became quick and shallow. His heart hammered away in his chest at a rate that couldn't have been healthy. Blood pounded in his ears.

He knew this feeling well. He was having a panic attack and there was no Shiro to calm him down; to bring him back from the brink of despair.

Time slowed abruptly to normal speed as a hand landed hard on his shoulder, giving a him a little shake.

"Keith? Buddy? Where'd you go?"

He realized too late that Lance hadn't stopped talking that entire time; had been completely unaware of Keith's internal breakdown.

Still unable to breathe properly, the best Keith managed was a questioning grunt.

Lance chuckled. "I asked you a question, bro."

Bro.

Bro.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. Repeat. Repeat.

Try and say something.

"Sorry," he managed.

"That's fine, Space Case," Lance teased, ruffling Keith's hair playfully.

Please, please don't touch me. I can't handle it right now.

"I was just asking if you think Allura could like me back. Would ever like me back."

Struggling to find his voice again, Keith somehow managed, "You… you were… you like Allura."

Lance hummed in agreement. "Yep. But, Mullet, I think I got it bad. I'm pretty sure I've gone past just liking her, you know?"

"You're in love with Allura," Keith whispered. He was back to being able to breathe properly, although it was still a struggle to speak. It felt like someone - Lance - had tightened an ice cold clamp around his heart.

Keith hadn't experienced pain like this since Shiro disappeared years ago on the Kerberos mission. Since he had lost his father.

Lance rubbed at his helmet uncomfortably, a cute nervous tick he'd picked up in lieu of being able to run a hand through his hair-

Stop.

Keith hadn't been able to look at Lance since the confession, but now turned his head away from the other boy almost completely, and found himself especially fascinated with the foliage on his left.

"Yeah. I'm in love with Allura. I'm pretty sure. Like, 80% sure. No, like a definite 95% - no. I'm sure. 100%." He groaned, throwing his head back. "I got it bad, Keith."

Keith could only hum in response, letting a thick, uncomfortable silence settle over them. He could hardly trust himself to speak, could hardly think.

Lance is in love with Allura. I'm in love with Lance.

What do I do, what do I do, what do I do, whatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo-

"Is it really that crazy that I like her?" Lance blurted, breaking the silence. "Like, you seem… I don't know. You're reacting kinda weird? You seem surprised? Or something?"

Another telltale sign of Lance's nerves - when he started phrasing everything like a question.

You're in too deep, you know him too well. You need to withdraw-

No. NO.

If there was one thing Keith wasn't going to do, it was withdraw himself from Lance. Even now, every bone in his body, every instinct, screamed - no, pleaded - for Keith to run. To get away, to leave Lance and never look back. Because that would be easiest for Keith. To protect his own heart, rather than to sit here and have Lance break it slowly into a million pieces. Talking about Allura, sitting here with Lance while he was in love with someone else - this was too hard. It would break Keith. He knew that.

But he had to. He had to take the hard option. He'd made a promise to Lance - his best friend, the boy he loved - that he would not leave him again. Keith was too stubborn to break that promise, whether that meant physical or emotional withdrawal.

You promised. Suck it up, and be there for him. Be his friend, like you said you were gonna.

You promised.

"...Keith? These long silences are kinda scaring me, man. Is it weird?"

Keith gritted his teeth and blew a breath out fiercely through his nose.

You can do this Kogane. Speak.

"Not weird," Keith ground out through clenched teeth. He winced at how clipped and curt his tone sounded. "Shouldn't be that surprising, either, considering you've made it pretty clear you liked her since the beginning."

Your crush was painfully obvious, Lance. Only a complete quiznaking idiot would have misinterpreted it.

"Right. I guess I have. But lately, while you were gone, it got worse."

If I had been here, if I hadn't left you, would things be different?

"I just… she's amazing, you know? I mean I just flirted at first because she was cute, and an alien, and um… I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not into that…"

I'm an alien, Keith thought, miserably.

Lance chuckled awkwardly, seeming to realize what he'd said. "ANYWAYS!" he lowered his voice back to a careful whisper. "We've spent a long time getting to know her, you know? And she… man, Keith, buddy, there's something about her. The way her eyes shine when she talks about Altea. She loved her family, you know? Like I love mine. And ugh, the little crinkle thing her eyebrows do when she's listening to a diplomat. Or, OH! Oh, Keith, the way her nose scrunches when she concentrates. I mean, come on, she's cute, right?"

I'm gay. You're cute.

Keith hummed anyways, focus back on the dirt around his boots.

"And she's nice, and strong, and she can kick some serious butt, and she's patient, and understanding, and beautiful, and… Keith, she's literally perfect."

Keith nodded, a mumbled "Right," escaping his lips without his consent. His heart throbbed painfully hearing how tenderly Lance spoke about her. There was so much raw love in his voice that it took everything Keith had not to bolt.

Come on Kogane, you can listen and be there for him, but don't encourage this!

Find a way to shoot him down. Tell him she couldn't possibly like him back.

Don't you dare.

The war inside him came to a sudden standstill as Keith realized the cold, hard truth. He could never do it, could never hurt Lance like that.

Wasn't that why he was still sitting here, listening to all this? Having his heart shattered so that Lance's could stay intact?

Because if you love someone, shouldn't you want them to be happy?

Keith must have fallen silent for too long again, because Lance sounded uncomfortable the next time he spoke. "Look, Keith, I'm sorry I bothered you about this. I know this kinda talk isn't really your thing, but thanks for listening anyways. I think I'll do another perimeter check-"

Lance, who had been getting up and dusting himself off as he spoke, stopped abruptly as Keith's hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back down (perhaps a little too roughly).

What are you doing?! His brain screamed. He was literally giving you an out!

No. Best friends, right? He was going to support Lance despite his own stupid feelings, and he was going to do it right.

"Keith, I don't wanna bother you-"

A completely terrifying and inhuman growl ripped out of Keith's throat without his bidding. He wasn't sure how he'd even made a sound like that; human vocal chords certainly weren't supposed to.

Lance's eyes widened, and the boy leaned back slightly. Keith didn't blame him. The noise might have caught him off guard too, if he wasn't feeling so fiery.

"No."

Lance blinked. "What do you mean, 'no'?"

For the first time since Lance's confession, their eyes met, electricity buzzing between the gaze.

"I mean," Keith growled, still sounding more aggressive than was necessary, "You're not bothering me. We're best friends, right? So we should be able to talk about your feelings. Just because it's 'not my thing' doesn't mean I don't wanna hear it, or that you can't talk about it."

Keith was surprised that, despite his own hostile tone, Lance visibly relaxed.

"Uh… thanks, Keith. Seriously. It helps, talking about it."

Keith nodded, jaw clenched tightly. "Am I the only one who knows?"

"Like I said, the space mice know because I, um… I talk to them a bunch. Also, I'm pretty sure Hunk and Pidge know, because I might not be as subtle as I like to think. But they've been… kind of annoying about it, actually. Just, constant teasing. I feel like no one's been taking me - this - seriously. Uh, until now, at least." Keith was rewarded with a soft smile and an even softer shoulder bump. "So, thank you."

Keith nodded, eyes narrowing as a thought occurred to him. "Wait. If the space mice know - Lance, you know it's only a matter of time before Allura finds out, right? They've got that psychic link and everything."

Lance's head fell back into his hands. "Yeah, I know," he mumbled.

Anger boiled in Keith's brain, although he had no idea why he was angry or who he was currently angry at.

"So… are you gonna let the space mice tell her?"

Lance shot up, indignant. "No! No, I'm gonna do it."

Keith fixed him with a disbelieving look. "Oh yeah?" he asked, challengingly.

Why are you getting so mad? Why are you being so mean to him?

"Yeah, Mullet, I will," Lance shot back, his tone now slightly hostile to match Keith's.

"Then when?" It exploded out of Keith before he could control himself. "I don't get it, Lance! What's the hold up? Why hesitate until she finds out from the damn mice, or Pidge or-"

"Because I'm not good enough for her, Keith! Happy?"

At Lance's outburst, Krolia stirred. She sighed loudly in her sleep as if she could sense, even in her unconscious state, that Keith and Lance were fighting.

Both boys froze, eyes flicking over to the Galra, watching as she shifted her position before settling back into sleep.

The paladins finally looked back at each other, and for the first time in his life, Keith saw Lance. As his eyes met blue, he saw the insecurity written there, the doubt, fear, the raw longing. Keith's breath caught in his throat as he realized that Lance would never speak about Keith with that sheer desperation… would never even look at him the same way he looked at Allura.

He wasn't aware that his heart could break anymore than it had, but the blue eyed boy seemed content to stand by while the remaining pieces splintered into dust.

And the worst part? Lance didn't think he was worth it. Lance didn't think that he was worth Allura's love and affection, when really… who was worth Lance's? Who, in the entire universe, deserved Lance McClain?

Lance looked away shyly, spooked by the eye contact after his emotional outburst.

Keith felt his entire body soften and fall in defeat. He knew this would be a mistake that he'd regret later, but the shattered remains of his heart were too weak to fight back.

He shifted himself closer to Lance, and when he spoke, his voice was more soft and tender than he thought he was capable of.

"Lance? Please look at me."

Lance sniffed, sending a wave of indescribable pain through Keith.

"Lance. I need you to look at me."

As he spoke, he reached out to gently grab the other paladin by the chin, turning Lance's face towards him. The Red Paladin let him, his head moving listlessly with Keith's hand.

He still wouldn't meet Keith's eyes.

"Hey," Keith whispered as gently as he could, now holding both sides of Lance's helmet. Something about his tone must have reached the other boy, whose shining eyes flicked up to finally meet Keith's.

Blue. Wet. Filled with pain.

How could you have left him?

"Hey," Lance whispered back, fighting tears. His bottom lip quivered.

"Lance, I need you to tell me you know that what you just said was ridiculous."

The Red Paladin only shrugged in response, eyes wandering guiltily away from Keith's and drifting to the side.

"You're joking, right?" Keith asked, hoping his voice still sounded kind. "You're not telling me you actually believe that you're not good enough for her?"

"She's a princess, Keith. I'm just…" - he gestured helplessly to himself - "me."

Keith was stunned. He'd always suspected Lance's ego was something of a defense mechanism, but was his self esteem really that poor? Did he really not realize how special he was?

Tell him.

"What are you talking about?" Keith asked incredulously. Lance's eyes flicked back up to Keith's, his head still trapped between the Black Paladin's hands. Lance's face morphed into an inquisitive expression, eyebrows pulling slightly together and mouth rounding in curiosity.

Keith plowed on before the rational side of his brain could stop him.

"You're Lance McClain. If anyone deserves a princess, it's you."

The words came crashing down on the remnants of Keith's heart, but looking at the broken expression in those beautiful blue eyes, he knew he had to say them. He had to keep going.

"Keith…" Lance croaked.

"No no no, I'm not done. Just - just listen for a while, okay?"

Lance nodded, giving another weak sniffle.

"Look, Lance. I've never lied to you, right?" Keith asked, desperate for the other boy to believe him. Lance nodded glumly.

"Right. Okay," Keith continued. "So you have to believe me when I say that you are one of the most incredible people I've ever met." Keith felt his face grow hot, felt Lance's eyes on him. This was too intimate, too real… but at the same time, he had to know. Keith had to tell him. Maybe not exactly how he felt, but why.

The Red Paladin's eyes widened in surprise, and Keith plowed on. "The Team would have fallen apart a long time ago without you, Lance. You're the glue that holds the Team together. We'd be nothing without you, Lance! Not good enough… " Keith scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Lance McClain, you are, without a doubt, the most selfless, kind, caring, funny, smart, brave person that I have ever met." Lance sniffed and chuckled wetly as Keith spewed adjectives, prompting Keith to give the other boy's head, still clutched tightly in his hands, a slight shake. "I'm serious! You're so good, Lance! You're loud and fun, sure, but you can also be quiet and sensitive and a great listener. You make people feel like they can trust you. And when they do, you're always there, you're always putting everyone else before yourself. You have more love in your heart than any other person I've ever met. The way you talk about your family, and Earth… quiznak, the way you even talk about the rest of our Team… we're so lucky to have you, Lance. You're the guy people want to get to know, to be friends with… to fall in love with. You're amazing, Lance, but I hate that you seem to be the only one who can't tell. I mean, quiznak, out of all the humans on Earth, out of the entire universe, it was you. Think about that. An ancient, sentient robot picked you, Lance quiznaking McClain, to defend the universe from evil. You're special, Lance. Important. I know it, the Lions know it, the Team knows it; the entire universe is gonna know it. You're gonna save so many lives, make such a huge difference, help to change the fate of the universe. You're gonna make your mark, Lance, and when you do, I'm gonna be right there with you, just lucky to know you. Do you have any idea how important you are to us? No one belongs on the Team - deserves to be on the Team - more than you."

Keith finished and blinked as if coming out of a daze. Quiznak… what had he just said? A feeling of dread settled into his stomach, heavy as cement.

He had just confessed. Without actually confessing.

The Black Paladin cleared his throat, suddenly feeling very awkward and hyper aware of how much he'd just spoken. He didn't think he'd ever talked that much in his entire life…

And yet, barely able to keep eye contact with the man he loved, Keith found that he still couldn't let go of the helmet clasped between his hands.

"I guess what I'm saying is," Keith lamely whispered, scrambling to speak before the silence ticked on for more than a couple seconds, "You are good enough, Lance McClain. You deserve the universe, let alone a princess."

Keith closed his eyes, struggling to get the next words out despite the pain. He just wanted Lance to know. Wanted him to understand what Keith saw. He ignored the tears building up in his own eyes and soldiered on.

"You deserve someone who will give you everything, who'll give you as much love as you give them. You're not just some kid from Cuba, Lance. You're more special than you could ever know. And when you finally realize that… you're gonna be unstoppable."

Keith's eyes shot open as a muffled sob reached his ears. He had about two seconds to register that beautiful blue eyes were overflowing with tears, shining in the firelight-

And then Lance's arms were wrapped tightly around his torso, squeezing him into the tightest hug he'd ever experienced. For a second, he hesitated, before finally giving in to Lance's desperate embrace. They sat there for a few minutes, Keith resting his right hand on the back of Lance's head and whispering consolation as Lance cried.

Almost as quickly as it had started, it was over, Lance pulling away from Keith and sniffling like he had the worst cold of his life. Keith mourned the loss of Lance's warmth pressing up against him. For a few minutes, it had felt like they were in their own little bubble, hugging as if nothing else mattered. As if Lance's confession had never happened.

As if Keith's heart hadn't been broken.

As Lance pulled away, taking his warmth with him, cold reality came crashing back down on Keith, threatening to drown him beneath its frigid waves.

Oh. Right. Lance is in love with Allura. And you practically just pushed him into her arms.

How else was he supposed to have reacted? The truth lay icy and heavy in Keith's stomach. He loved Lance too much to hear him speak about himself like that.

He loved Lance too much to not want to see him happy. Even if that meant Keith wouldn't get to be happy.

Lance settled back into his own space on their shared log, giving Keith a shy smile full of affection and gratitude. His eyes looked bigger than ever, glistening with the remnants of his tears.

Lance's expression was utterly soft, far more soft than Keith had thought he'd ever be capable of. They way he was looking at Keith… pain shot through him, as he remembered that Lance would never look at him like that in any other context. Not as more than friends.

He cleared his throat again, tapping away at his communicator to check on the time. Lance still technically had an hour of watch left, but…

Keith desperately needed to be alone for a while. And no way he was going to pretend to go back to sleep with Lance on watch, able to hear Keith once he inevitably started crying.

He took a deep breath. He only had to keep pretending for a few more seconds.

Keith forced himself to look at the soft smile, the wide wet eyes.

God, you're even beautiful when you're crying.

"Now, uh… listen, you've only got an hour of watch left, but, uh," Keith cleared his throat, "Why don't I take it for you? We can keep watch in two hour intervals instead of three."

Lance opened his mouth to respond, eyes suddenly widening in betrayed surprise as a monstrous yawn ripped out of him instead. He blinked back at Keith, blushing.

Keith had no idea what his own face looked like, but he was pretty sure he had melted when Lance had yawned. He couldn't take much more.

"See?" He asked, trying for a smile. "You're tired. Go. I'm good here. Get some sleep; Krolia will wake you up later."

For a brief second, Lance looked like he was going to argue. As he searched Keith's eyes, something in the genuinity of his expression must have defeated Lance's argumentative side. His face and shoulders suddenly relaxed, and he shot forward, pulling Keith into another hug before pulling away again.

He fixed Keith with that damned soft smile again.

"Thank you, Keith," he whispered, voice cracking. "For everything. Just… thank you."

Keith nodded and swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Anytime, Lance."

Lance reached out a hand, grasping Keith's shoulder and searching the Black Paladin's face once more with his tear stained eyes. For a few seconds, the touch lingered, and Keith didn't want him to let go. He wanted to stare into blue for an eternity.

The moment was over in seconds, Lance retracting his hand with a delicate brush of fingers that felt as if they seared into Keith's skin through his suit. The Cuban boy left quickly, moving to the edge of the campsite and settling down to sleep.

Keith leaned in to his Galra hearing, using his ears to scan for any noises outside the perimeter of their site. Content with their safety, he brought his focus back to the boy lying behind him. Only when Lance's breathing had evened out, soft snores trailing into the night, did Keith finally allow himself to cry, hand clamped tightly over his mouth for fear of waking the others.

He still had tears in his eyes when his mother relieved him from duty an hour later. He did an expert job at making sure she didn't notice.

As he spread himself out to sleep, helmet discarded next to him on the floor, he peeked at the outline of the sleeping boy across the circle. His heart panged so painfully, tears automatically pricked back into his eyes.

I've made a huge mistake.

He lay there in the stifling darkness and cried himself to sleep.