Chapter Four

"I like that you're broken

Broken like me

Maybe that makes me a fool

I like that you're lonely

Lonely like me

I could be lonely with you"

Broken by lovelytheband

"Hey, do you guys think that on the way home we could stop somewhere so I can grab myself some clothes? And maybe some for Jax? Like a thrift store or something?"

The last hour and a half had been relatively peaceful. No herds sprang up in the middle of the road and no more stray children were in need of saving. The guys had been quiet and Jax had remained asleep.

"Yer really tryin' to go shoppin'? After the day we've had?" Merle said from the back with an exasperated sigh.

"These are the only clothes I have, Merle. And the kid doesn't have anything. Please? Only if we pass one that's not going to put us in danger. I promise, I'll be quick," I pleaded, turning to look at the man.

"Don't ya turn around to flash those big blue eyes at me, angel. I'm not the one drivin'," Merle smirked.

Altering my plan of attack, I turned towards Daryl, whose eyes connected with mine briefly.

"Please, Daryl?" I asked, "I'll be so fast, it'll be like we didn't even stop."

The man sighed, "We'll see what happens after we finish up there. It's already getting pretty late and we don't know how long it'll take in there."

I smiled. That was good enough for me.

Another thirty minutes later and we entered a small town. The roads were cluttered with abandoned cars and trash that had been blown around. As we slowly crept through the roads, I noticed little things that bothered me. Actually dead bodies that were half eaten, a pink stuffed rabbit with old blood on the ears, an empty car seat tipped over on its side. I didn't see any walkers in the vicinity, but that didn't mean anything. I knew they could jump out of literally anywhere.

Daryl maneuvered the car with ease, until he eventually turned down a small alley and cut the engine off.

"We're going to walk from here. It's just up the street and around the corner," he said, pointing ahead of us.

Because I will forever be a giant chicken, I felt my heart rate kick up again. Being in this world was going to cause me to have a stroke at an early age.

"Hey, kid," Merle said gruffly, using his good hand to lightly shake Jax, "Time to wake up. We got some stuff to do."

I turned in my seat as Jax's eyes fluttered open. He looked confused for a moment, like he didn't know where he was. His eyes finally connected with mine and recognition lit up his face.

"Hey there," I said softly as he started to sit up, "We have to go to this building up the street. We're getting a whole bunch of medicine to take home with us. It'll be a fast trip, but I need you to tag along, okay?"

"Are the biters out there?" He asked, his head craning to look out the back window.

"Probably. But you remember what I said, right?" I asked him.

"Merle and Daryl will keep us safe," he repeated.

"That's right. So I need you to be brave for me for just a little bit, okay?"

He nodded his head and his face set into a determined grimace.

"I'll be brave, Lettie. I promise."

"Let's get going then, huh?" I smiled back at him as I grabbed my gun from the cupholder and jumped out of the car.

Merle and Jax hopped out quickly afterwards, followed by Daryl after he was able to get his crossbow from the back floorboard. He popped the trunk open and directed us all to the back of the car, handing everyone, including Jax, backpacks and large duffle bags.

I slung the duffle crossways on my body and helped Jax get his backpack on. I felt bad putting him in this position after we just saved him, but we had to get this done and I wasn't going to leave him alone in the car.

Daryl signaled with his fingers for everyone to follow him. I felt Jax's hand slide into my free one as I started walking. I glanced down at the kid and gave him a reassuring smile as I held tight to his fingers.

Daryl stayed in the lead, crossbow in front of his face and ready to fire, while Merle brought up the rear. I kept my gun clutched in my hand to my side as I followed after the youngest Dixon.

Like I had done when I had been running toward Jax, I took all the fear that was vibrating through my body and shoved it down. I had no time to keep being scared if I wanted to make sure we got what we needed and got out of here alive. I had to stay focused.

We navigated through the buildings quickly. Overgrown greenery had started covering some of the brick and papers blew past us in the street. I was glad I hadn't put the flannel I had used to cover up Jax back on when we got out of the car because even in a t-shirt I was already sweating.

Once we arrived at a locked side door off of the main office, Merle used a rock to break the door handle and we all filed in behind Daryl slowly.

"Oh, dear god," I gagged when the smell inside hit me.

Out of everything I had to deal with in this new world, the rotten smell of everything was the hardest to put up with at this point. It was like the scent of rotting flesh had seeped into every single thing the air touched. I had lived in some pretty rough times before where there was a complete disregard for personal hygiene and overall cleanliness, but this smell would forever go down as the worst.

I heard Merle chuckle behind me, which caused me to send a glare in his direction.

Daryl kept leading the way, following the signs on the walls to get us to the area we needed. The inside of the college was trashed, just like everything else outside its walls. Papers were scattered around on the ground, posters that had once advertised various things were starting to hang off the walls. But everything was silent as Daryl kept leading us through the halls.

Eventually, we reached the room I remembered from the show. Cages lined the perimeter of the room and there was an area set up that signaled someone had been staying in here at some point. I kept my eyes wide, taking in my surroundings.

I rushed through the space, dragging Jax with me, knowing that there was another room in the back with what we needed. Jax kept his hand in mine and his steps quick. At the back of the room, I found a hallway that lead to a few doors. I glanced in each of them and started handing out assignments.

"Merle, you go in here and fill up on supplies. Gauze, tubes, needles, clamps, bags of saline, alcohol, peroxide. Whatever you can find, throw it in," I commanded, glad Merle had an industrial size duffle bag, "Daryl, help us with the medications in here. Focus on antibiotics and antivirals, but let's just clear all of it. We can find a use for anything."

I pulled Jax through the door and set him to working on clearing a low shelf as Daryl and I started on the larger shelves. We were quick and silent, starting on each side and shoving everything into the bags until they started to bulge.

Twenty minutes later, Merle appeared through the door with his giant duffle slung over his shoulder. It looked heavy as it weighed down on him. The thing was almost as long as he was tall and he had packed it full.

"Got everythin'. Let's get outta here. I got a bad feelin' 'bout this place," he said, looking behind him.

"Me too," I responded, "We're almost done. Give us just another minute."

"Done!" Jax said proudly, zipping his backpack up and hoisting it over his shoulders with difficulty.

"Good job, Jax! Can you carry that back to the car?" I asked as I threw the last few things on the shelf into my overstuffed bag.

Pulling it across my body proved more difficult than I thought. I almost fell backwards with the weight of it, but righted myself and adjusted how it sat to distribute the weight more evenly.

"I can. I'm strong. Like Merle," Jax said, his face determined.

Merle snickered, but I noticed his chest puff out a little at the comment.

"Done," Daryl declared, putting his large bag over his shoulder.

The way he and Merle made it look easy to handle the heavy bags they were both sporting made me realize I needed to work on my physical fitness. I wasn't going to live longer than a week if I had all the strength of a wet spaghetti noodle.

"Let's get out of here," I grumbled, walking towards the door, but stopping.

I remembered when the group had left, they had taken some kind of alternate route through the college. I didn't know why, but that had been where a ton of walkers had appeared. Walkers that had been infected. Considering I wasn't about to fight off a horde of the things, I turned towards Daryl and Merle.

"Let's take the same way as when we came in."

"We can cut through the back half. Might make it a little faster," Daryl threw out, pointing towards the opposite way I wanted to go.

"We should probably just stick to the way we know. We know there's no walkers that way," I suggested, looking between both men.

"Alright," Daryl said with a shrug.

He started leading the way out. Like before, Jax slid his hand into mine and kept up with the pace Daryl set. I squeezed the kid's hand once in reassurance as we walked when I noticed his eyes bouncing around. He had a brave face, but I could tell he was nervous.

We were almost out. The doors to the main entrance hall were visible when a series of unfortunate events took place all at once.

As Daryl passed by a half closed classroom door, the bag he had across his back bumped it, making a soft thunking sound. He kept walking, crossbow ready. When Jax and I crossed the door, a walker appeared out of nowhere, shouldering the door open. It's bony, brittle fingers reached out, grasping around Jax's arm and jerking the boy.

Jax let out a scream and I reacted instantly. My brain kept screaming 'Don't let him get bit, don't let him get bit, don't let him get bit' as I swung the gun in my hand towards the walker's head, the barrel smacking into the side of the dead lady's skull with a crunch. I pulled Jax towards me, getting him out of her grasp, and shoving him towards Daryl.

I took aim, but she had recovered quickly and was on me in seconds, her jaw snapping as her hands clasped at every available inch of skin. My own hands shot out to push her back, but my feet slipped out from underneath me and the weight of the bag on my back made it impossible to catch myself. Searing pain shot through me as I landed on the pack of stuff with the walker coming down on top of me.

I will not fucking die like this.

I bucked my hips, throwing the thing off balance. I quickly raised my right hand, shoving the barrel of the gun to her skull and pulling the trigger. Old blood and brain matter rained down on my face like a scene out of Carrie.

I didn't have time to gag as I shoved the thing off of me, even though the urge was there, because all hell was breaking loose in front of me. I realized then why Daryl and Merle hadn't swooped in to save me. A group of walkers were stumbling out of the same room and the brothers were on them, taking them out one by one.

I got to my feet, swaying under the weight of the medication. Ignoring how bad my side hurt in that moment, I took aim at a walker closing in on Merle. I pulled the trigger and watched as the body dropped.

That wasn't even the worst of it though. Of course it wasn't. I heard scuffling from the way we had just come and my eyes widened as another large group of walkers rounded the corner at the end of the hall, ambling towards us.

"Oh, shit. Guys! Guys, there's more!" I yelled, turning towards them.

"Go!" Merle barked, dodging a walker from the classroom and grabbing my shoulder, shoving me towards Jax.

I grabbed the boy's small hand and started hauling ass towards the doors to the main entrance. My hand hit the door and I shoved it open, pushing Jax through first, before turning to see where the Dixon's were. They were close, but trying to push a couple of walkers off of them. My eyes went further down the hall to where the larger group was still making its way towards us.

I took a deep breath and aimed the gun, praying my aim was still good enough not to kill either of them. I fired on the one holding onto Merle's bladed arm. The shot rang through the hall and pierced the walker in the skull. Merle didn't even pause as he swung his now free arm, piercing the brain of the one that was on Daryl.

The men started running towards me again. I stepped to the side of the door, keeping my gun up and watching their backs as they barreled towards me. Merle flew through the door first, quickly followed by Daryl, who's hand reached out and grabbed my arm as he passed, pulling me through the open door with him.

I could still hear the herd of walkers in the hall, getting scarily close to us, as Daryl let go of me. I grabbed onto Jax's hand again and tugged him as we followed Daryl out the doors and into the humid Georgia heat. My head snapped back to make sure Merle was still with us. His eyes connected with mine and he nodded once. That was enough for me.

We kept running, not stopping until we hit the car. I quickly pulled Jax's backpack off of him and pushed him towards the car as Daryl popped the trunk. The three of us started shoving the bags in, not saying a word, and then piled into the car.

Daryl set his crossbow in my lap and started the engine, just as the group of walkers rounded the corner towards us. My heart lurched for a moment, but we were flying backwards all of a sudden as Daryl expertly maneuvered us onto the main road and out of the town.

Everyone was breathing hard and I couldn't speak for the rest of the class, but I was still in shock at what just happened. I'm sure this was another Tuesday for the Dixon's, but this was not a regular day for me.

I felt the sticky mess on my face from the walker's blood. I could smell myself and it was disgusting. More importantly, my side hurt something fierce, but I swallowed down the pain. I was alive and that's what was important right now.

After a few minutes of silent driving, Merle's voice sounded from the back.

"Well, ho-ly shit. I knew that felt too easy at first."

"It wasn't that scary," Jax said confidently from the back, causing Merle to let out a scoff.

"Didn't you yell in there, squirt?"

I could hear the smile in his voice.

"No! Well, maybe one time but it wasn't 'cause I was scared. That dead lady breathed in my face and it was gross," the kid rushed to reply.

"I don't think the dead breathe," Merle responded.

"Well, she just smelled bad," Jax countered.

Listening to the two of them go back and forth pulled me out of my head.

"You were very brave in there, Jax. Thank you for helping us. We couldn't have done it without you," I smiled, turning slightly to pat the kid on the leg.

Jax smiled and then looked over at Merle with raised eyebrows, nonverbally asking the man if he heard that. Merle let out a deep laugh that made me smile.

I turned back in my seat and rested my forearms over Daryl's bow. I had another mini freak out, but not like it had been before, even though I'd definitely almost been eaten. I started listing the good things to calm myself.

I proved to myself that I could handle this world, at least a little bit. I had only fallen once. We made it out relatively unscathed and had gotten enough medical supplies to last for a very long time. I hadn't felt like dead weight that Merle and Daryl were just lugging around; I had absolutely contributed my fair share.

"Ya did good in there," Daryl said under his breath, seeming to read my thoughts for the second time today.

I looked over at him and smiled brightly. I needed that validation right now.

"I did, didn't I?"

"Now you're just gettin' a little too full of yourself there, Broadway," he chuckled, a small smirk pulling up one side of his mouth.

I cocked my head.

"Broadway?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Can't get your ass to stop singin' and you're from New York. Seemed fitting," he mumbled.

"You know what? I like it. I've had worse nicknames," I laughed, turning my head to look out the window, "So… about that shopping trip?"

"We're not stoppin' for damn clothes, woman!" Merle yelled from the back.

We did stop for clothes. Daryl found a boutique in a smaller town that we only had to go slightly out of our way for. Thankfully it carried clothes for women and children. Daryl and Merle had cleared the building and whistled for Jax and I to join them. We were there for maybe twenty minutes. Jax had found himself a bag of clothes with my help, while I had secured three beach bags full of clothes. Merle had rolled his eyes as he and Daryl grabbed the bags and lugged them outside for me.

We were on the road again in no time. Daryl let us all know that we were still about sixty miles from home as I picked another CD for us to listen to. I let my mind wander as we drove to distract myself from how bad my side was hurting.

I was still having a hard time wrapping my mind around Merle. He was such a grade A asshole on the show, until the end when he had sacrificed himself for the group and his brother. He hadn't been an asshole to me, though. While vulgar, he'd been nothing but kind and helpful. I had seen him still catch an attitude with everyone else at the prison, but I'd never seen that anger directed at me. It was nice. I felt like I had a person and that was an incredible feeling when you were in a world you weren't familiar with.

Daryl, though. Jesus, Daryl. I would lick the sweat off that man's chest given half a chance, but regardless, I was comfortable around him. He had known me for what had to be less than forty-eight hours and already made me feel safe. Even if he didn't feel it, I felt a connection to him. Like a tether I could reach out and grab on to, binding us together for some reason. If I could just stick close to him and Merle, I might stand a chance at surviving this for an extended period of time.

And there was Jax. I didn't know what the hell to do with Jax. Should I keep him close to me? Maybe let someone else at the prison take over caring for him once we got back? He had obviously never been in the show, so I wasn't totally sure where he fit in to everything. He was such a sweet kid though and I was afraid if I did let someone else care for him, he would end up dead. I couldn't protect him like he deserved, though. I was a panic ridden mess on a good day. I had gotten lucky today. Really freaking lucky, but I also didn't trust anyone else at the prison to care for him either. Those fools were always losing children. The amount of times I'd heard people yell Carl's name while searching for him during his time on the show was alarming.

"This kid snores like a full grown man," Merle grumbled from the back, pulling me out of my head.

I couldn't help but laugh. Jax was, in fact, sawing logs in the backseat.

"He deserves it. I can't imagine how the last few days have been for him," I said, smiling over my shoulder at the sleeping child.

"I think yer going to deserve a few days of rest after this too, angel. Yer still hurt and ya been out here, bustin' ass," Merle said.

I lifted the edge of my shirt, wanting to look at my side again and cringed when I saw the dark bruise. It was starting to change colors around the edges. Shades of purple and some tinges of yellow surrounded the black. It looked like it was healing, but I had no doubt it would take a while. Especially after having an undead body land on top of me.

"Damn. That looks bad," Daryl said, looking at the large bruise.

"It'll heal. I've had worse," I said absentmindedly, using two fingers to touch the bruise lightly.

Which I had. In my original life, my dad was a mean drunk who liked to take his anger out on me when my mom passed out on the couch. He'd broken bones a few times and I had scars littered all over my body from him. Of course I'd had other pretty severe injuries in my other lives, but the ones I had sustained in my actual body had always stuck with me in the worst way. It was a part of me that I knew would be burned into my mind until I finally lived my last life.

"Like those scars on yer back?" Merle asked quietly.

My breath hitched. I had forgotten that they had seen my back. I knew, from watching the show, I didn't have anything to be ashamed of with them. If anything they would probably understand the most what I had gone through, but I'd never talked about it with another person before and I didn't plan to start now.

"Yeah," I whispered, lowering my shirt and turning my head to look out the window again.

"Got some pretty gnarly scars of my own, angel. Happens to the best of us," Merle said, his large hand snaking around the seat and squeezing my shoulder once, "Ya got any other tattoo's? 'Sides that one on yer back?"

I knew he was trying to change the subject and I felt a rush of affection for the crude man.

"I have four in total."

I had always planned to get more. I had gone all out with the angel wings tattooed on my back and after that, it became all about planning the next one.

"What are they?" Daryl asked quietly.

"You guys saw the wings on my back. I have this one here," I said as I pulled back my hair from the left side of my face to let them see the music notes tattooed behind my ear, "And this one."

I pulled down the neckline of my shirt to show the "let it be" tattoo on my clavicle. Merle hung his head over the seat to see the ink and Daryl's face turned a little red, which made my smile light up my face.

"And then this one," I put my left leg up on the dashboard and pulled the fabric up to show the tattoo right above my ankle.

It was a guitar that had flowers and music notes surrounding it. I was nineteen when I got it. It had been my sophomore year of college and I had saved up every penny from my waitressing job for the tattoo.

"Do you play?" Daryl asked, glancing up to my eyes.

"Since I was twelve."

"That's a whole lotta music related tattoos on ya, angel," Merle drawled as he sat back in his seat.

"I was always convinced that I would be a famous singer one day," I laughed, "Life never works out the way you want it too, though."

"Ya got the voice for it, but I'd say being a doctor was a pretty good way for your life to work out," Merle said.

"Yeah, I was lucky," I responded, only partially meaning it.

My existence has been lonely, for the most part. Living so many lives as different people and getting to explore the world from different positions had been a blessing, but the people I had in any life only loved me because of the person that they had known before I had stepped in. I'd met wonderful people, ones that I still think about to this day, but their love had been conditional to the person that was there before. They didn't know me. Not even before, when I was in my real life, had anyone really known me.

The rest of the drive was quiet, with only Jax's snores and the low hum of the radio to break up the silence. I found myself excited when the prison gates came into view. We were finally back. It was already getting dark and all I wanted to do was shower the blood off of me, pull on something comfortable, eat good food, and sleep.

Rick opened the gates for us and Daryl drove through slowly, up to the main gates, where Carl was waiting to let us in. After that, it was a flurry of commotion. Everyone in Rick's main group came out to help us unload and go through the supplies as I stood to the side with Merle and Jax, who had slipped his hand into mine once more.

No one seemed to have noticed the small boy at first as excitement for all of the medical supplies flowed through the group, but Rick paused his conversation with Daryl and his eyes made their way in our direction. Shock was evident on his face for a moment before he looked back to Daryl for an explanation.

"We came up to a herd of walkers. Scarlett saw the boy hanging onto a tree surrounded by 'em. Saved him," Daryl said with a shrug.

I opened my mouth to downplay the situation, but of course Merle beat me to it.

"She went full kamikaze. Threw herself into the shit without thinkin' to get to the kid."

I looked up at Merle who I found staring at me with a smile on his face. I bumped him with my shoulder.

"Would have died trying if not for you guys," I said, sending a grin to both him and Daryl.

Rick, who was standing with his hands on his hips as he watched the interaction, took a few steps closer to me and Jax before crouching down in front of the boy.

"What's your name?"

"Jackson."

Apparently Rick wasn't special enough to be able to call him Jax yet.

"Where are your parents, Jackson?" Rick asked.

"Mom died before. Dad got bit a few days ago," he responded with a strong face, but I could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Would you like to stay here with us? There's a lot of kids your age runnin' around. Might make some pretty cool friends," Rick offered with a smile.

"I want to stay. But I already have friends," Jax squared his shoulders as he looked at the man in front of him.

"Oh, you do?"

"Yep. Lettie, Merle, and Daryl."

Merle let out what sounded like a snort and I saw a small smile grace Daryl's lips as Rick's face split into a wide grin and he glanced up at me.

"Those are some pretty good friends to have, I'd say. We have a room we can set you up in. How about that? A room of your own?" Rick asked with a smile.

"No. I want to stay with Lettie."

Rick's eyes widened along with mine. I hadn't even decided what would be best for him yet, but he seemed to have attached himself to my hip without my input. I wasn't super appalled by the idea, though. I did like the kid.

"That's fine. We have bunk beds in there. You gonna sleep on the top bunk?" I asked him.

"Yes!"

Rick grinned and stood up.

"Guess it's settled then. We're glad to have you, Jackson," he said, "Scarlett, can you go through the supplies you guys got tomorrow with Hershel and Dr. S? Get some kind of inventory set up?"

"Damn. Don't even give her a day to rest," Merle muttered under his breath, causing me to shoulder him again.

"Yes, of course," I said with a smile.

Rick nodded his head and turned back towards Daryl. Everyone started to scatter, but not before Carol appeared and gave me a quick pat on the back. Jax grabbed his bag from the trunk and as I was trying to wrestle all three of mine out, Merle appeared and grabbed two of them.

I spent the rest of the evening with Jax and Merle. After showering and showing Jax how to work the shower system, I gave him a quick once over to make sure there were no injuries that I didn't know about. Merle brought us food and we ate our room with Merle sitting on the floor against the bars. We talked about nothing even remotely important, but Merle kept Jax and I laughing the entire time.

I decided then that even if all I really had was Jax and Merle in this world, I would be okay. The two of them made a rose colored shine appear on everything and nothing seemed as bad as it had before.

Once Jax and I settled in for bed, Merle disappeared. I waited until I heard Jax's snores to start to drift off myself, but at some point during the night, footsteps made my eyes flutter open only slightly. I could have sworn I saw a figure with a crossbow over its back standing in the moonlight, looking in my room before disappearing quickly.