A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the Christmas chapter. Glad you all liked it.

This chapter will include events from "Chuck versus the Baby." Be warned, though, it also contains a scene of torture.

Healing

Chapter 18: Ryker

After a wonderful Christmas Day with Chuck and his family, it was difficult for Sarah to motivate herself to rise for work the following day. Of course, waking with Chuck spooning her and his hand cupping her breast played a significant part in her reluctance.

She glanced at the clock. There was a real danger of waking Chuck and them pleasuring each other, making them late. 'Save that for tonight,' she told herself, and lifted his hand off of her to enable her to slide out of bed.

Chuck woke up enough to moan at her absence and she leaned down and pecked him on his cheek. He needed to be rising after she'd showered, and there was now no danger of hands on her body distracting her, so Sarah said, "Time to get up, sleepyhead." That elicited a groan as she headed to the bathroom.

As they sat opposite each other for breakfast, Chuck asked, "How come Casey gets to stay away?"

"He's not had any leave for a long time, so the general let him take time to be with his mom for a few days."

Chuck looked shocked. "His mom?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Hard to imagine, huh?"

"So, when's he back?"

"Tomorrow," she replied.

"Good thing I've got today off, then," he said.

She looked at him in surprise, especially as he was dressed for work."You didn't tell me that. I was planning to spend time shopping in the Buy More."

"Oh, come on. There's not much to interest you there."

He was right, but she wasn't going to admit that. "I could choose some DVDs or CDs."

He laughed. "Searching for your favorite music?"

She huffed. "Well, just DVDs, then." He didn't respond. "So, why dress in your Buy More outfit?"

"I was going to loiter in your office with you and thought it best to wear this gear." He smiled. "You know I love being with you." She felt a flutter in her chest. She felt the same.

"Besides, we'll have a call with the bosses," he said. That rather spoiled his previous comment.

Only Director Graham appeared on the monitor. "The general had some family issues," he said.

Sarah could see Chuck's mind working, but thankfully he made no comment about being surprised the woman had any family.

"It's just as well, because something has come up that doesn't involve the NSA," Graham said. He looked at Sarah with an intensity that made her realize this was related to something from her past. "Ryker has been seen in New York."

She held in the gasp somehow. "On his own?" she tentatively asked.

"No. With two of his men. There may be more."

She took a deep breath. "He is still seen as rogue, isn't he?"

"He is," Graham replied.

Sarah could see that Chuck was desperate to ask about the man, but she didn't give him a chance. "So, what do you want me to do?"

The director raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious? Track him down and take him out."

Chuck asked, "If this man is rogue, why hasn't he been taken prisoner already?"

Graham looked at him. "I'll let Sarah explain why he's seen as rogue, but to answer your question, he was captured on surveillance, then disappeared."

"Can Casey help?" Chuck asked.

Sarah was going to say no, but Graham responded. "He may need to, when you two are up against at least three of them." Looking back at Sarah. "I'll leave it up to you how you handle it, but call on the local CIA office for any assistance."

He told them they were booked on a flight later that day and ended the call.

Chuck simply asked, "Ryker?"

Sarah was torn. She never expected to have to talk about the man or the mission, but now she had to. "He was the senior operative on my last mission."

"So, you worked for him?" he asked.

She tightened her lips for a moment. "Chuck, just let me tell you this without you questioning it."

He raised his eyebrows at her tone, but nodded.

Sarah hated talking about her role before coming here, and now she was going to have to talk about the worst mission. "You know that all my missions after I restarted work involved assassinations." He nodded. "Well, this one was more than that. Graham didn't have any details, but said that Ryker asked for me to help him. I guessed he needed my skills, and he did.

"I flew to Budapest with no more than an address to stay and that the details would be provided there. I normally liked to plan when flying, but couldn't on this occasion.

"The room contained two guns, not just one. That was unusual and made me think this was more than just an assassination mission, and the rest of the gear emphasized that. Body armor wasn't normal, nor were the armor-piercing bullets, able to penetrate flesh through a protective vest.

"There was also an address on when and where to meet Ryker and an earwig. I dressed in the gear and put the earwig in my ear, and set off with plenty of time to get to that location.

"I took an instant dislike to Ryker when I met him. I've always been able to read people, and he seemed decidedly off. However, I pushed that aside because I knew he was having difficulties. I also hated having to report to someone. I'd not had to do that for years.

"This older man told me that I was going into a building to take out men from the Fundai Mafia, the Hungarian Mafia, and to retrieve a package. Normally they would have been handled by Interpol, but because the CIA was involved, I assumed this involved terrorism or something else that threatened the United States. He said nothing more, but that wasn't enough for me, so I told him that.

"He sighed. 'That is all you need to know. Just follow instructions.' I was getting irritated, but coolly stated I would fail with so little information and couldn't proceed. He glared at me and grudgingly said, 'These men have killed the owners and are now celebrating the acquisition of their prize. You go in, kill them and retrieve what they are hiding in there.' I asked why he didn't just send his men in and he snapped at me, 'Because that's your job!'

"So, in I went. Although the building was imposing, entry was easy through the main door. There were no guards to contend with. An ornate marble staircase swept up in front of me. I could hear the Hungarians in one of the rooms to my left. I crept quietly to it. There were eleven noisy men feasting at the long table that spread before me. I again wondered why Ryker didn't send more people in, but had to just get on with it." She swallowed hard. Chuck didn't need all this detail, so she skipped past what she did. "I obviously survived. Probably due to the alcohol they had consumed.

"Ryker must've heard the silence, and spoke into my earbud. 'Up the stairs. The door is straight ahead at the top.' I headed up, grabbing guns on the way, as mine were now empty. I heard a baby crying as I climbed the stairs. It was coming from the room I was heading for. As I pushed the door open, I faced a very ornate nursery, with a white crib in the center of the room. 'The package is inside,' Ryker told me.

"In the crib was a very upset baby girl dressed in a pink onesie, kicking and screaming. I'd never been near a baby before, but this one who was crying for parents who could never come to her, affected me. Could I just leave her in a house of dead bodies? I shook my head, but I had a purpose to fulfil. As I couldn't see one, I asked, 'Ryker, the package…' His answer was immediately, 'The baby is the package. Grab it and get out of there.'

"I just froze. Why would the CIA send Ryker to retrieve a baby? I managed to say, 'But what am… what am I supposed…?' I was completely out of my depth here. Ryker snapped again, 'Move, Walker. I'm your handler and that's an order!' That instantly got my back up. 'You're not my handler!' I snapped. 'You're just an ineffective man, unable to do your job and needed my help to do this!'

"Ryker snarled. 'You're my asset, nothing more, but if you don't grab the package and get out soon, you'll be dead. There are more men coming!'

"Anyway, I did get out of there, with the baby, but had no intention of handing her over to Ryker. I found another hotel and hid there with her." He didn't need to know about the things she had to do with and for this baby. "The following day, I left her asleep and went to where he expected me to hand her over. I'd acquired a stroller and put a recording of the baby crying overnight on a player in there. I confronted Ryker, who surprisingly confirmed what he was doing. The baby was the heir to a massive fortune, and he wanted the inheritance. I realized that I would not be leaving Hungary alive once he had her.

"I told him what a shit he was and saw that he was pulling a gun out from under the table. I reached into the pram, grabbed my gun that was in it and shot him. Unfortunately, that just hit his left shoulder, but he fell backward, tangled in his chair. I ran fast weaving through people, dodging his bullets." She realized she was giving him too much information. "I got away, but had to hide in that hotel room with the baby for a few days."

Chuck obviously couldn't keep quiet. "But how did you feed and look after the baby?"

"I bought things from a supermarket." She wondered about mentioning her conversation with her mom, but decided that wasn't relevant to what he needed to know.

She didn't want to keep talking about this. "Anyway, I got back to the States with the baby, and Ryker has probably been looking for me ever since."

"What did you do with her?" Chuck asked.

Sarah knew she could trust Chuck, but she'd vowed never to tell anyone, so this was difficult. Looking into his concerned eyes, she knew that was for the baby as well as for her. She'd also vowed not to hide things from him. She took a deep breath. "I took her to the only person I trusted… my mom."

Chuck gasped. "Your mom?"

She panicked at his raised voice and quickly covered his mouth. "Shh! No one can know that she's even still alive."

He gently pulled her hand off of his mouth and leaned close. "You know that I'll never tell anyone," he whispered.

Her tension eased a bit. "I'm terrified that Ryker will find out where the baby is," she said quietly.

Chuck put two and two together. "Which is why you've never mentioned your mom." She nodded. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I can never see her again. To keep them both safe," she said, fighting to hold back the tears.

"But now we can track Ryker down and stop him," he replied.

"I don't want you caught up in this. I can't lose you," she said as she pushed away.

"Director Graham has already told me that I'm involved," he pointed out.

She cursed both Graham and Chuck's desire to help.

Chuck had downloaded all the information there was on Ryker that wasn't already in the Intersect and was reading it on the plane. This included the recent surveillance footage.

Fortunately, the flight was fairly empty and no one was near them.

Sarah had been dozing, something she'd learned to do whenever possible. When she woke up, Chuck told her that he'd flashed on both of the men with Ryker. "These two have worked with him for some time."

Sarah had been thinking about what needed to be done. Graham had said it, really, take him out, "Chuck, none of these three can be taken alive."

He paused and looked at her. "I can't kill," he said quietly.

"But I have to. If they escape custody, they'd go after mom and the baby."

"You don't trust imprisonment?" he asked.

"I don't trust anyone because of that inheritance."

"Apart from me," he said.

She gripped his arm. "Apart from you," she agreed and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

His shoulders slumped. "I understand, but I don't like you having to kill them."

"I didn't say I like it, just that it needs to be done."

"I'll still have to tranq at least one of them," he said. "There's too many for you to take on your own."

She had just told him about taking out eleven men on her own, but they were all drunk. "And then I'll have to shoot him." She could see how killing an unconscious man disturbed him, but she had to do this.

They stayed in silence for the remainder of the flight.

"Why do you think they're in New York?" Chuck asked as they exited the plane at JFK airport.

"No idea," she replied. "When we get to our hotel, can you do your thing and locate them?"

He grinned. "Do my thing?"

She slapped his arm. "You know what I mean."

He did, of course. Hacking into airport and road-side surveillance to spot the three men, or at least Ryker. "I did that before we left, based on when the original recording was made." She gawped at him. "You never know how long the recordings are kept," he told her.

"So, you know where they are?"

"Not necessarily. I know where they went, but they may not still be there."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, feeling hurt that he'd kept something from her.

"You needed your sleep and then… we talked about other things."

She didn't want to repeat that discussion. "So where are they?"

"They went to a budget hostel, probably to avoid credit card usage as well as keeping the cost down." He told her where it was.

"Ok. So, when we get to our hotel, check any surveillance to see if they've moved."

He smiled. "Will do."

And that was Chuck's first task on entering their room. It was after midnight, but he knew it was important to do this fast.

"We're lucky that there was a roadside camera that captured the hostel entrance. There's only one way in and out, so they'd have to go through the same door."

"And?" she asked impatiently.

"They went out this morning and caught a taxi to an address in Manhattan. They stayed there until late afternoon before getting a taxi back to the hostel from a diner across the road."

"You tapped into the taxi company's records?" she asked.

"Yeah. Seems that Ryker is calling himself Peter Jackson." Chuck laughed.

She raised an eyebrow, and he explained, "That's the name of the man who produced the Lord of the Rings movies."

She narrowed her eyes. "Is there any relevance?"

"Not unless they regard your baby as a hobbit or there's one true ring involved."

She decided to ignore this. "We need to know who lives at the address they visited."

"On it."

"Also, if they go out again," she added.

She knew she should let him get some sleep, as it would be busy when they got going in the morning, but this was important.

She got herself ready for bed, though, before sitting beside him in her pajamas.

She got him some water, and he looked dubiously at it, so she looked in the refrigerator. He got a small bottle of white wine. He grinned at her and quickly knocked it back before carrying on.

An hour later, he sat back. "They've not been out again since. It's almost like they're in hiding."

She was surprised about that, thinking they'd be working harder on whatever they were there for.

"And as to the person they visited, I zoomed in on the image when they buzzed through. The apartment they selected is used by Jack Piggott, a man who-"

"I know him," she cut in, with a shaky voice. "He produces fake IDs." She looked at him, "I've used him before."

"You think they're trying to find you through him?"

"Seems ridiculous, but maybe."

"Do you want to contact him?" Chuck asked.

"We need to get to Ryker first," she replied. She looked at him. "We'll go there at 7am. You need to get some sleep."

He looked at her attire. "No contact tonight?"

She shook her head, but smiled at the comment. "No. But please cuddle me. I need at least that."

Sarah had booked a taxi for 6:15 and they soon arrived at the hostel.

They were both wrapped up in the cold New York air. January was not warm there.

As agreed with Chuck, she walked to the counter to ask for Peter Jackson and he stayed back, keeping an eye on the stairs. There was no elevator to worry about.

The man at the desk took a good look at the blonde woman facing him. "He doesn't look like a famous producer," he quipped.

She laughed. "People tell him that all the time."

She guessed right. "Yeah, so he told me."

She heard a bump behind her and looked back, but Chuck seemed ok. Turning back, she said, "And his room number?"

The man didn't seem to care about privacy, or just assumed Jackson knew her. He looked at the records. "Room 204." Then he looked again. "No, that's his friend. The three of them took adjacent rooms. Jackson is in 206." He looked up. "Do you want me to call him?"

A dart appeared in his chest. Sarah, holding the tranq pistol, said, "No, that's alright." She quickly pulled the dart out and made it look like the man was sleeping on the job.

Hastening to Chuck, she reached the stairs and spotted a man halfway up the first flight, slumped down with a dart in his chest. It was one of Ryker's men.

"He was reaching for his phone, having seen you," Chuck said.

"We'll hide him in the storage room at the bottom of the stairs for now," she replied. They carried him down and slid him in. Chuck started to walk away, so he didn't hear her silenced gun go off.

They rushed up the stairs.

"What if Ryker has other men working somewhere else?" Chuck asked as they walked along the corridor.

Sarah had been wondering about that and shared her thoughts. "He wouldn't share that information with the men he has here. I need to get the information from him."

"So, you can't just kill him," her killing-adverse boyfriend said.

Chuck was correct, hence her swapping her gun with the tranq pistol from the back waistband of her pants. She turned and looked seriously at him. "You know he will lie and never reveal the truth." He swallowed hard, obviously realizing she would need to interrogate Ryker. "You will not want to be with me when I have to get to that truth."

He shuddered. "I'll still love you."

She placed her palm against his cheek. 'Thank you, Chuck."

They finally reached the rooms, and heard voices in the second bedroom. "That's Ryker," she whispered.

Her deathly Agent Walker persona had taken over now.

She tested the door of room 204 and turned the handle. Unfortunately, the handle squeaked alerting those within. She threw the door wide, scanning who was there. One of Ryker's men was standing in the middle of the room. Ryker, however, was in a doorway which must go to his room. He jumped back and pulled the door shut.

The other man slumped to the floor with a dart from Chuck in his chest.

Sarah ran along the corridor to the other room. She had her right leg kicking toward the door when bullets tore through the wood at thigh level. Most missed her but one caught her vertical leg. She instinctively threw herself back and was fortunate that the hail of bullets missed her toppling form as she fell to the floor. She dropped her pistol when she landed.

Ryker yanked open the door and saw her weaponless on the floor. He smirked. "Thanks for turning up and being so transparent."

She'd cried out on being hit, which probably triggered Chuck's response. He appeared at the other doorway and just fired a dart. Ryker stared incredulously at it in his arm for a moment, before slumping to the floor beside Sarah.

Chuck rushed to her. "I'm ok," she tried to reassure him.

"That's crap, Sarah, and you know it! You've been hit." He grabbed his phone, but she stopped him. "I'll make the call. I need to be able to interrogate him, not get caught up in medical treatment."

Chuck was about to argue, when they heard another voice. "You won't have to, I'll do it."

They both turned to see Casey walking toward them.

"You don't know what to ask Ryker," Sarah said.

Casey sighed. "I guess not. Better get treated where we do that, then."

Sarah made a call to arrange for the men to be transported to the CIA facility where she could also be treated. Then, she called Casey to her and told him about the useless man in his bedroom. He nodded and as he walked away holding his gun, she lay back down and waited, using her training to block out the pain from her leg.

Casey was sitting with Sarah facing Ryker, waiting for him to recover from the tranquilizer, which should be soon. His wrists were attached to the table with metal bands.

Her leg had been treated. She was lucky that the bullet hadn't hit her thigh bone. The local anesthetic hadn't worn off yet, so she felt no pain from the wound. She was still wearing the same pants, so the bandage around her leg was visible through the hole in them. She ignored it.

Chuck had agreed not to be present. She knew him watching would put her off what needed to be done. Her current self was trying to take control once again, but she resisted. She needed to be cold and hard now more than ever.

Ryker's eyes opened. He saw her and glared, then noticed Casey. "So, you have help now? No longer just a loner."

"Yes, I have a team."

"And do they know about the package?" he asked.

The bastard still thought of the baby as a package! "Enough," she replied. She'd given Casey the outline of that disaster of a mission.

"So, where is it?" Ryker asked, leaning forward.

She snorted. "You're in no position to ask questions, Ryker. You'll answer mine."

He sat back and laughed. "If you think I'll tell you anything, you're showing your inexperience."

She pulled one of her knives from the holster at her calf. "I think I can help loosen your lips."

He looked at the knife. "You're a killer, not a torturer."

"Oh, with the right incentive, I can be both," she replied.

"And I'm an expert at torture," Casey added.

Ryker's eyes snapped to him and recognition appeared in his eyes. "You're Casey. NSA. What are you doing with her?"

"Working together at the moment," Casey replied.

"So, it's true. The two agencies working together on the Intersect," Ryker said. "Larkin?"

"Not the subject of your interrogation, Ryker," Sarah snapped. "Why are you here and what do you know about the baby's whereabouts?"

He glared at her. "Wouldn't you like to know." Then he cried out as Sarah's knife sliced through the forefinger of his left hand, easily chopping it off just beyond the third knuckle.

"Yes, I would like to know, and I want the truth," she hissed.

He just glared at her, forcing back the pain.

"You've seven more fingers, two thumbs and ten toes before I have to move to other parts of your body," she coldly stated. "Of course, then you'll be unable to hold anything and will have difficulty walking where we send you. Perhaps you'd like to talk."

She wasn't enjoying this at all, but felt it necessary.

Casey unsheathed his blade, with a serrated edge. "Sawing is more painful, and therefore more encouraging," he commented. He reached over to Ryker's right hand and started on the forefinger.

Ryker's screams must've been heard beyond this room. "Alright," he cried out before the bone was severed.

The two agents sat back and waited for his words. "I came here to see if you'd had a new passport created and gone off grid, as you'd disappeared from CIA records. It would be a clue as to your whereabouts."

"And what did you find?" she asked.

"Nothing useful," he muttered through his pain.

She nodded to Casey, who started sawing again, causing more screams. "That's not good enough, Ryker," she hissed.

The finger came off, and Casey moved the knife to the next one. "Stop!"

"Then tell us more," she said.

"We found out you had a mother."

She hid her gasp. "And?"

"So, she's our next lead to follow."

"Where?"

"You're just going to kill me," he growled.

"I may not, but even if I did, not before a lot more pain," she hissed.

"I've got men seeking out your dad to find out where she is."

She hadn't thought about that. "Who?" He named two men. "And who else is on your team?"

She saw the deception in his eyes. "No one."

She nodded to Casey who started on the next finger of that left hand.

Ryker cried out and then blurted out three more names. "And where are they?" she asked. He gave her the city name.

She sat back. Ryker now had two hands with no forefingers. He would have difficulty using a gun with either of them, but the left one with another finger partly cut through the bone would be impossible unless treated.

"You're going to remain here, with no medical treatment, while they're rounded up," she stated before standing and walking out of the room.

She went straight to the bathroom and threw up. Her real self was back and not up to this sort of thing.

Then, she made calls to get the men found. As she ended the calls, Casey walked up to her. "He'll have to be spoon-fed to keep him alive."

"No," she replied. "He stays in there, strapped in with no food or drink."

"You know the people here won't agree to that."

Sarah glared at Casey, but knew he was right. They might even release him. She made a quick decision and walked back into the room Ryker was in. She grabbed her knife, and plunged it into the bound man's throat, killing him instantly. She couldn't risk him surviving. She knew Graham would be ok with what she'd done and she would weather the storm that would result from her actions from the local staff.

It was likely that Ryker's men would abandon their tasks when it was announced that he was dead, but they'd follow up on them anyway.

She walked to the cafeteria where Chuck was waiting for her. She wanted to get out of New York as fast as possible.

Their flight back to LA was a quiet one.

Sarah knew Chuck was probably horrified at what she'd done, even though she didn't share the details.

She realized that she was surprised at how easily she'd slipped back into her old state of mind, hating men. This wasn't general hatred, though. It was focused on the ones that were a threat to her mom and the baby, but it was still a harsh reminder that that version of her was still within her, just buried most of the time under the better version brought out by the man sitting beside her.

Even if Chuck hadn't withdrawn, they couldn't have cuddled. Casey was sitting opposite them on the CIA jet. Although he'd basically told them that he knew they were in a real relationship, forcing him to see it felt too much.

Ryker's men had mostly been following false trails, and would just be imprisoned, but the two after her dad, were still at large, so she would head there when they reached Los Angeles. Casey would take Chuck back to their apartment and stay with him. Sarah would kill these two men. That was part of the reason Chuck was silent. He didn't approve of killing men following orders, but she had to be sure.

Sarah was exhausted when she finally got back to LA and the apartment she shared with Chuck.

It had taken two days to find and shoot the two men sent for her dad. Although relieved that another threat had been eliminated, It hadn't felt satisfying. She guessed that was partly why she felt so drained. Even though she believed that killing those men was necessary, she still felt bad, having shot them in cold blood. Granted, one was reaching for his own gun, but still was unarmed when her bullet hit him in the forehead.

Graham approved of everything she'd done, which was satisfying.

She knew now that the dark, cold assassin lurked just under the surface, and when someone she loved was at risk, would come bursting forth. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

She also knew that she couldn't assume her mom and the baby were safe, but maybe Chuck could check on whether any other men had ever worked for Ryker to confirm the status. She would have to leave it for a while though, not wanting to broach the subject of tension between them recently.

Sarah knew that Chuck had said he'd still love her, but she was still concerned about the effect of all this on their relationship.

When she turned from locking their door and walked into the living room, she suddenly found herself enveloped in Chuck's arms with him kissing the top of her head. She held him tightly. Maybe this wasn't going to be as much of a problem as she'd worried.

"I'm so glad you're safely back with me!" he blurted out.

Those words that had felt so difficult initially, rushed out of her with ease, "I love you, Chuck."

"God, and I love you, too, Sarah!"

She knew that Chuck would still dislike what she had done, what she'd become, on the mission, but at least they were still both feeling their love for each other.

She hugged him that little bit tighter.

A/N: Some might be surprised at Sarah's actions in this chapter, but remember that this is a darker version of her than in canon. Back to episodes from Season 1 next chapter.