Day 17

Dietrich didn't have many medals to put on his dress uniform, but it still took a long time just to put them on. He found himself staring at his Iron Cross, a replacement he had been issued roughly seventeen years after he left it on an old man's grave in North Africa. The man had assisted the Rat Patrol in destroying a train he was tasked with loading with supplies. Clearly, he was more worthy of a medal than Dietrich. Did I truly think that, or was my depression in full swing that day? Dietrich rubbed his face as he thought. Over the years, he wished he could ditch all his medals, only starting to be more accepting of them after fulfilling his prophecy and gaining more control over his depression. Still, he pinned the Iron Cross to his uniform, sighing.

"Everything alright, Hans?" Esther called from the bathroom.

"Yes," Dietrich replied. "Why?"

"You have been sighing and sighing for the last ten minutes."

"I have?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Dietrich looked at himself in the mirror, found himself presentable, then went across the hall to the bathroom to see his wife. "Are you finished, Esther?"

"Just about." Esther uncapped her lipstick. She was wearing a silky, wintry-blue dress that fell just below her ankles, lined with a white, feathery trim. Her hair was pulled back neatly with a sparkling band. This was about the fanciest Dietrich had ever seen her. After Esther finished applying her lipstick, she turned to her husband. "What do you think, Hans?"

"I think you look nice," Dietrich said.

Esther looked him up and down. "Are you alright?"

"You just asked me that."

"Yes, and you never answered."

Dietrich frowned, wondering why he never answered. "I am alright."

"Are you sure? I know I've been looking forward to attending this, but not at the expense of your depression."

Dietrich bit his lip, then gestured to his Iron Cross. "I started thinking about… the medal this one replaced."

"Ah."

"I will be alright, Esther. If things become bad, either I will say something, or you can pull me out." He drew in a breath. "Are you ready to head out?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"As ready as I can be."

"Hans, you can always call General Preisner and tell him that you or me or either of the boys took ill—"

"No. I will not lie to him. Besides, he does know about my depression, and I do not want to ruin this for you."

"Alright. If you insist."

Dietrich nodded before heading downstairs. Anselm was supervising Gunther stacking blocks in the living room. The Christmas tree was lit up, as was the fireplace. Dietrich would have preferred to just stay home. There is always tomorrow night, he thought. He looked at Anselm. "We should be back before ten. Aunt Esther and I expect Gunther to be asleep."

"Okay, Uncle Hans," Anselm replied.

"You know how to feed, change, and bathe him, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright. There are leftovers in the refrigerator for your dinner. Do not forget your medication."

"I know, Uncle."

"You can turn up the heat if you need it."

"Okay."

Dietrich went into the living room to ruffle his nephew's hair and give his son a gentle hug, then went to the front door to put his coat on. Esther went past him to say goodnight to Anselm and Gunther, then put her coat and shoes on. Dietrich realized there was no turning back once he stepped out the door with Esther. There certainly was no turning back when he got in the car and was heading out to the hall where Preisner's command was hosting their holiday ball. Dietrich gave a heavy sigh, knowing he was going to have to be stiff and polite and greet everyone who came his way. "I am looking forward to retirement," he grumbled.

"It is only for one night, Hans. You can do it," Esther said.

"I will try. I am wondering if there is a limit to how much strength and patience I can pray for."

Esther looked at him, and reached over to pinch his cheek when they came to a traffic light. "It will be alright, Hans. Haven't you mentioned that you wouldn't mind ballroom dancing with me?"

"I have." Dietrich was quiet for a moment. "I hope you can forgive my annoyance."

"I can tell by your tone that this is your 'typical' grumpiness instead of your depressed grumpiness. Are you hungry?"

"Given that it is a half-hour past when we usually sit down for dinner, yes, I am."

When they arrived at the hall, Dietrich did his best to put on his "work demeanor" before getting out of the car and going around to the passenger side to help his wife. Esther smiled at him and kissed his cheek after stepping out. She looped her arm through his, walking alongside him to where other Bundeswehr officers were heading inside. The men were all smartly dressed in their uniforms, and their ladies were all in their finest dresses and jewelry. Dietrich was polite and cordial throughout the night, though in the back of his mind, he would rather be home. He trusted Anselm to look after the house and Gunther, but it didn't stop him from worrying a little. Apart from the discomfort of being surrounded by a lot of people, Dietrich was immensely bored, especially while waiting for dinner to be served. He covered a yawn with his hand, then felt Esther touching his back.

"You're going to sleep well tonight," Esther whispered.

"Quite well," Dietrich whispered back. He took Esther's hand, kissing it and adding, "I would honestly welcome Troy barging in to make this more entertaining."

"Don't say that, Hans."

"Why not?"

"Because then it will come true, and you will regret it."

"Possibly, but will I regret it any more than coming to this ball?"

Esther patted Dietrich's arm. "Let's see how you feel after you have something to eat."

Dietrich was indeed in a slightly better mood once he was able to eat, but then had to deal with various officers' wives coming over to meet Esther, as this was her first time coming to a Christmas ball. He did get a chance to step away from the women when General Preisner found him, and had a long talk with his superior about various things, ranging from work to their home lives. When Dietrich returned to his table, he found Esther deeply engrossed in conversation with another colonel's wife, so he was all alone with his food and a glass of lemon water. He didn't even particularly like lemon water.

So far, the night was dragging. Dietrich found himself studying the Christmas decorations, including the massive tree in the corner of the room. He thought back to home, and checked his watch. It was after eight PM now, and he wondered how Anselm and Gunther were doing. Gunther should be asleep, while Anselm was free to stay up until his aunt and uncle returned home if he wished. Dietrich knew Anselm suffered from nightmares, and didn't want him waking up in fright while he was alone in the house.

"Are you alright, Hans?" Esther asked, her voice cutting through Dietrich's thoughts.

"Hm? Yes. Mostly," Dietrich said.

"Are you sure?"

Dietrich sighed. "I am very tired. That is all."

"They did just announce dancing will begin soon. Slow songs to start."

"Alright. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I am. Everyone likes my dress. I think it would be better if you were having fun, too."

"This is not my idea of 'fun,' angel."

"I know." Esther leaned over to kiss Dietrich's cheek, then whispered, "Do you need to go home?"

Dietrich kissed her cheek in return, and whispered, "No. I will be alright. Besides, I know you want to dance, and I will do that for you."

"You want to as well, don't you?"

"Yes, but it would be better if we were alone. Just the two of us."

"Maybe we will be someday." Esther looked up as the volume of the music increased a little. "Isn't this one of the songs we had at our wedding?"

"I think… yes, it is." Dietrich stood, and held out his hand to his wife. She took it, and they headed out onto the floor, turning to face each other. Once they were holding each other and moving slowly, attempting to keep in step with the other couples, Dietrich managed to smile a little.

"What is it, Hans? I think this is the first time you've smiled all night," Esther said.

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about how we were surrounded by our friends at our wedding reception, and how amusing it was to see Shauna trying to dance right—but her partner is Troy, and he cannot dance. Well, he tried, and it was sweet in its own way."

"It was. I was paying more attention to you, though, thinking about how we were starting a new chapter in life together."

"Yes. It was a big step for both of us. Neither of us thought we would find someone quite like the other."

"No. With you, I felt truly safe. You showed me what love is supposed to be."

"I did?"

"Yes. I think your aunt and uncle would be proud of the gentleman they raised."

"They would indeed." Dietrich grinned while leaning in to whisper, "I have also impressed you in… ways that shall not be discussed in public."

Esther gave him a knowing smirk before kissing his cheek. "You have also made Christmas so much more special."

"So have you. Trust me, I had to work up a great deal of courage to tell you that I love you on Christmas Eve. I reckon Christmas would have been ruined for me if things did not go well."

"It's funny that we were both thinking the same thing that night, but we wondered which of us would say it first."

"And look where we are now. One of the best decisions I ever made."

"All because you noticed I was sitting at a bus stop for over an hour."

"Yes." Dietrich kissed Esther's forehead. "I must still fight my depression every now and then, but I have been happier since you became a part of my life."

The only point when Dietrich and Esther stopped was when faster dances were announced. They quietly disappeared into a hallway past the restrooms, dark and unused for the night, lit only by Christmas lights and a full moon outside. The windowsills were deep enough to sit. It wasn't the most comfortable option, but that wasn't on the couple's minds as they sat down to share a kiss. Had they been somewhere more private, Dietrich would have allowed that moment to escalate, but that was best saved for home. He jolted and purred when Esther gently scratched his scalp, sending a pleasurable chill down his spine. "Oh, wait until we are home, my angel," he breathed.

"A little tease won't hurt," Esther whispered with a grin.

Dietrich grinned in return before resuming his kiss. His grin faded when a young officer approached, looking greatly confused.

"I'm terribly sorry, Colonel," the officer said. "Could you point me to the restroom?"

"Go back to the start of this hall, and take a right," Dietrich replied.

"Thank you. Have a good night."

Dietrich waited until the officer left before turning back to Esther. "Shall we head back?"

"Yes. I can hear the music is slowing down," Esther replied. "This was nice, though."

"It was." Dietrich stood, offering his hand to his wife, then walking with her back out to the ballroom.

They were among the last couples to leave the dancefloor as the night wound down. Preisner was at the door, thanking everyone who came and wishing them a good night and a merry Christmas. Despite eventually enjoying himself, Dietrich was glad to be going home. His exhaustion hit him once he and Esther entered the house, and eagerly shed his uniform before getting into the shower. Now he felt truly ready to wind down for the night.

He went downstairs to find Anselm had fallen asleep on the couch with a book on his chest, and shook him gently. "Anselm? Anselm, go on upstairs."

Anselm stirred and stretched a little. "Uncle Hans?"

"Yes. Go upstairs to bed. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Must've fallen asleep while I was reading." Anselm got off the couch. "Good night, Uncle."

"Good night." Dietrich folded the blanket that Anselm had been using, and sat down to enjoy the fire in the hearth while Esther was getting her shower. She came downstairs a few minutes later, looking quite relieved to be in her nightclothes.

"I had fun this evening, but it's good to be home," Esther said.

"Indeed it is." Dietrich put his arm around his wife when she sat next to him. "However, if you ever want to go ballroom dancing again, I would not say 'no.'"

"That would be nice. One of the ladies there was telling me that there's a lovely banquet hall here in Hammelburg that has dancing every Friday evening."

"I doubt my back would approve of that, but I would be alright with going every once in a while. Now… where were we when we were in the hallway by the restrooms?" Dietrich grinned before nuzzling Esther, then hugged her tightly when she turned to kiss him. He was grateful that night hadn't been a complete disaster, but he was even more grateful that he was able to enjoy it with someone he loved so dearly.