Привет в ночь бдительности над свиньями – Happy Hogswatch!
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Great Hogswatch greetings from we of Cultural Mission of Trade Delegyation of Greater Kneck Confederated States Economic Co-Operation Zone!
Why not come spend Hogswatch with warm-hearted folk of Rus people, who will offer you big hug, hearty slap on back and glass of vodka?
Stay in luxury hotel in great city of Blondograd, formerly known as SaintProdnicksburg, beetroot guaranteed with every meal, look out over night sky and see marvellous view of out Kremlin spires. Funny story: we had renowned architect Chertovskiglupo Dzhonovitch, travelled widely, saw triangular pointed temple spires in your lands, said he could build them here. Afterward he say, govno, that came out wrong. But we say nichevo, not to worry, they seem to fit somehow, we like them, have glass of vodka.
You too can have glass of vodka in Blondograd on Hogswatch. Drink whole bottle, you get to see Дед Мороз in his blue robes on his sky-troika pulled by bears, and maybe his helper the snow-maiden Sneguroschka, his grand-daughter. Who if children are good does not chop heads off with her Cossack sabre, but hey, that just story we tell kids to get them to be good so parents can have relaxing evening drink in peace.
Come to Intourist office on Palindrome Street, next to good pub run by our people that does good vodka, and we talk prices for package trip!
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: the stuff about Russian Father Christmas is pretty much true. Pulled it from the Wikipedia article on Russian christmas traditions. "Ded Moroz" is, basically, the Hogfather. And he is even assisted by a faithful grand-daughter. And all because I saw a picture of Russian onion spires and thought... what if Bloody Stupid Johnson visited and said to Russian-like people - "I could knock you up a great Church steeple" - and this was the result...)