The Sound of Silence
Chapter 13
A/N: Alright so I know this is a year later.. sorry about that. I had to reread the entire story to get a feel for it and I'm still not sure I have a feel for it. So if this chapter totally sucks or is just too different from the rest of the story let me know! It's hard picking back up a year later..
Santana tosses and turns in her bed, restlessly sleeping, mumbling out words of fear. Finally, after what feels like forever, she's able to pull herself from her dream, and she shoots up in her bed with a gasp. Swallowing hard, Santana fearfully glances around her dark room and pulls her knees up to her chest as she tries to even out her breathing. She feels a tear slide down to her chin and it's just then that she realizes she's crying.
Wiping her eyes, she grabs her stuffed lizard that her Abuela had gotten her and quietly walks out of her room. Sneaking into her brother's room, she walks over to his bed, where he's sound asleep, snoring loudly. She bites down on her lip and debates if she wants to wake him up or if she should just go back to her room. She's not a child anymore, and she shouldn't have to come sleep with her brother when she has nightmares. But she hasn't had one in a few months, and it really scared her. She needs her big brother.
After a minute, she crawls into the bed next to him and snuggles into his side, the boy barely even budging. In his sleep, he adjusts himself slightly and makes more room for her as well as wrapping an arm around her.
Smiling, Santana lets her eyes flutter closed, hoping to fall into a peaceful sleep this time.
Santana groans as she hears her name being said over and over. She's confused and furrows her brows as she tries to come out of her sleep state. Opening her eyes, she closes them back, the light being to bright. "What?" She asks, rolling over and burying her face into her pillow.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Manny asks, from his spot next to her on the bed.
Santana's eyes then, open again as she becomes very aware of where she is and what had happened last night. She's just now remembering that she's not in her bed and that she's in Manny's bed. Without looking up at him or picking her head up, she just nods her head, letting him know that she had.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Manny asks in a soft voice, reaching out and running his fingers through his little sisters hair. He's angry, but he's trying not to let it show. Not at Santana for coming in his room, but because of the reason. He hates that she has nightmares and has to live with all of this. He just wants to make it all go away. But he knows that he can't.
Santana just shakes her head and Manny sighs at her. Rolling over onto her back, Santana looks up at her brother. "It's j-j-just the same dream as always," she tells him honestly.
"You should have woken me up." He tells her, scolding her lightly. "You know I don't mind."
Santana just shrugs her shoulders, brushing it off. She knows that he doesn't mind, but she still hates to do it. She didn't need him awake anyway, she just needed him next to her. He makes her feel safe. "I n-need to get ready f-for school." She says quietly, before climbing out of his bed and walking out of his bedroom.
Santana walks out of her first period class and is relieved to see Brittany waiting for her outside the door. She had been running late this morning because of everything and she hadn't gotten a chance to see Brittany this morning or meet up with her before class.
Letting go of the straps of her backpack, she wraps her arms around Brittany's waist and practically collapses into her. "Hey there," Brittany greets, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend with a smile. But her brows furrow when she realizes that Santana is holding onto her just a little tighter than normal and also a lot longer than she normally does in the hallway at school. "What's wrong baby?" She asks quietly, caressing the back of Santana's head with her hand.
Santana pulls away from her and gives her a small embarrassed smile and just shakes her head.
Brittany frowns and reaches out, caressing Santana's cheek. "You look exhausted." She notes, her forehead creasing with worry.
Santana just grabs Brittany's hand, lacing their fingers together and tugs on her hand to get her to start walking them to her next class so that she's not late. She doesn't want to talk about anything, not that she could talk to Brittany about it here anyway.
So she's happy when Brittany picks up on it and changes the subject. "So I actually went to first period." She says with a grin, making Santana look over at her with raised brows. "Yeah, that's the same look my teacher had." She says with a small chuckle. "I don't know, I think you're rubbing off on me." She says with a shrug, turning slightly awkward. "I've been thinking and I actually want to graduate and shit." She adds, turning even more awkward. She's always felt like trying in school and caring about grades was lame so she feels awkward, actually admitting to trying at school now.
Santana smiles widely at her and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. She'd been trying to get Brittany to actually go to her classes and everything for awhile now and she's happy that Brittany is finally starting to take it seriously. She's proud of her.
"But anyway, are we having lunch with your friends or are we going off campus?" Brittany asks, changing the subject off of her as she spins around to lean up against the wall outside of Santana's class. She keeps a hold on Santana's hand and also grabs the other one, swinging them out in front of them. "Maybe we could go somewhere, just us." She suggests. "And talk," She adds, giving Santana a look, making the girl know that she wants to talk more about what is going on with Santana.
Santana bites down on her lip and just nods her head, agreeing that she'll go with Brittany off campus.
The blonde gives her a smile in responds and stands up, leaning in to place a kiss on Santana's cheek. "I'll see you in a bit, I'm going outside for a smoke. Going to class this morning was hard work, I need a break," she smirks and Santana just shakes her head, but smiles at her.
When Santana gets out of her 4th period class she starts walking towards the front of the school. Brittany had sent her a text, telling her just to meet her in the parking lot at her car. Santana grips her backpack a little tighter as she still fears getting caught walking out to the parking lot and leaving school. She's done it multiple times now but it still terrifies her. However, she still does it. She likes the feeling it gives her, breaking the rules. It makes her feel a little more alive. Even if it's nothing major.
When she reaches Brittany's car, she sees her girlfriend leaning up against her car with a take out bag from Breadstix in her hands. Santana's grin widens and she walks a little faster to reach Brittany.
Brittany grins at her and holds the bag up, wiggling it around for her to see. "I went last period and got your favorite. Extra Breadsticks too." She tells her, grinning. And Santana wastes no time in looking inside of the bag and pulling a breadstick out, already nibbling on it, making Brittany chuckle. "Does your amazing and perfect girlfriend get a kiss?" She asks cockily.
Santana giggles and nods her head before timidly leaning in and kissing Brittany's lips. After she pulls away, Brittany grins at her and opens the passenger door for the girl to climb in.
After they're all done eating, they end up lying down in the back of Brittany's car with the seats folded down. Santana had been too cold to sit outside for too long so they'd moved the party into the back. Now they're lying there cuddled up with each other as Brittany smokes a cigarette, enjoying the last few minutes they have together before they have to go back to school.
"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Brittany asks, not moving to look down at Santana. Instead she just watches the smoke from her cigarette float throughout the car.
Santana chews on her lip and doesn't move her head from Brittany's chest either. "Nothing," she lies.
Brittany sees right through it though. "You look exhausted and you were late this morning. You're never late." Brittany says matter of fact. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but you can talk to me." She says softly. "I just want you to be okay."
Santana shifts a big and wraps her arm tighter around Brittany's waist. "I j-j-just had a bad dream last n-night," she admits quietly. "I d-didn't get much sleep." She explains with a small shrug. "It's n-not a big deal. People g-g-get bad dreams all the time." She says, hoping that Brittany won't do anymore prying or ask what her bad dream was about.
"Okay," Brittany says quietly. She wants to ask more but it's obvious that Santana doesn't want to talk about it. She just hopes that the girl is okay and that she'll talk to her at some point, if she needs to. She wants Santana to be able to tell her things like that and talk to her. She wants to be here for her when she's upset. "One of my teachers thought I was a new student today." She chuckles, trying to change the subject.
Santana giggles, happy that Brittany took the topic off of her. "How many classes d-d-d-did you go t-to today?" She asks, picking her head up and looking at her girlfriend.
"So far, three." She answers. "I'll probably go to at least two more before the day is over, but we'll see." She adds. "Baby steps." She says, laughing. "I have to ease myself into all of this school shit."
Santana just giggles again. "Well, I'm p-proud of you and I'll help you with your school work if you n-n-need help or anything." She says helpfully.
Brittany nods, smiling up at her girlfriend before craning her neck up to press her lips against Santana's. "Enough about school, we have 3 more minutes until we have to leave and I plan to spend that back here making out with you." Brittany smirks.
Santana blushes hard and can't help but grin as she nods her head, accepting Brittany's wish. Biting her lip nervously, she leans down and presses her lips more firmly against Brittany's. She swears the feeling of kissing Brittany will never get old or change. It feels like the first time, every time. Butterflies, fireworks, everything they describe in those cheesy romantic movies.
"Come back," Brittany whines from Santana's bed, reaching out for the brunette who just crawled off the bed and is now headed for her desk. Brittany reaches out for her and opens and closes her hands, but Santana just giggles and ignores her. "I miss you," Brittany whines, letting her arms drop to the bed.
"I'm right here." Santana giggles, spinning in her chair to look at Brittany. She then turns her attention over to her backpack and starts pulling her homework out. "I t-t-told you I have homework t-t-to do." she reminds her. She'd asked Brittany if she wanted to have dinner with her family again, and of course Brittany had said yes. And instead of going home for a couple of hours, she just decided to stay at Santana's house. However, Santana told her she'd have to do her homework while she's there.
Brittany agreed at the time. However, she obviously has changed her mind about letting her do homework.
Brittany just whines, but doesn't say anything. She sits up on the bed and stares at the back of her girlfriends head as she concentrates on her calculus homework. She's always loved watching Santana, especially when she is doing school work, or playing video games or something else she concentrates so hard on. She notices the little wrinkle the girl gets between her brows because she's concentrating so hard. She notices how Santana fiddles with her glasses when a problem is taking her a bit longer than it should for her to figure out. And she especially loves the little grin she gets when she finishes a problem and she she's proud of herself. It's adorable.
Grinning, she crawls to the edge of the bed so she can reach the girl and she pulls on the back of Santana's rolling chair, bringing her closer to her.
It startles Santana a bit, but she just giggles. "Brittany.." she whines, trying to pull herself back over to her desk, but Brittany keeps a hold on the back of her chair. "I'm t-t-trying to work.." she says, through a fit of giggles as she continues to fight Brittany's grasp.
Brittany grins and warps her arms around Santana from behind and places a few kisses on the girls neck. It makes Santana completely still her movements, which makes Brittany smirk. "I'm sorry, but you're distracting. And I can't just sit over here and ignore you while you're over here being all sexy," Brittany tells her.
"I'm j-j-just doing homework.." She says, not really sure how Brittany finds her sexy. Especially while she's just doing homework.
"Everything you do is sexy," Brittany admits to her as she starts to nip at Santana's skin.
Santana involuntarily moans and tilts her head to the side, her entire body tingling. She feels a shiver take over her body and just hears Brittany smirk from behind her.
Mustering up all of the strength she can, Brittany very reluctantly pulls back after a minute. She could feel Santana's body relaxing into her and hear the soft whimpers escaping her mouth. It made Brittany want to throw Santana on the bed and have her way with her, but she knows that she can't. "Okay, I'm done, swear." Brittany says, pulling away and spinning Santana's chair around.
She smirks when she sees the dazed look on Santana's face and almost a look of disappointment. "Homework missy," She instructs, pointing her finger behind Santana, towards her homework.
Santana frowns and spins her chair back around. "That's what I was t-t-trying t-to do," she mumbles lowly with a small pout as she pulls her chair back to her desk and Brittany just smiles behind her.
Sighing, Brittany lies back down on Santana's bed and pulls her phone out of her pocket to start playing a game. However, she realizes she has a few texts messages and a missed call from Quinn. "Quinn wants to hang out tonight," Brittany says aloud, wanting Santana to know and get her opinion on it.
"Well you d-d-don't have t-to stay for dinner if you d-don't want." She answers, sounding disappointed, but she doesn't stop doing her homework or turn around.
"I want to stay for dinner." Brittany assures her. "I was meaning, if you wanted to hang out with my friends for a little while, after dinner." She clarifies, not wanting Santana to think that she didn't want to hang out with her or be here.
"Oh…" Santana responds. She sounds less disappointed, but now she sounds unsure. Her pencil stops moving as she thinks about Brittany's question. "I d-doubt Quinn wants me there, besides it's a school n-n-night…" she replies.
"Hey, I told you not to worry about Quinn." Brittany reminds her. "And it doesn't matter if she does or doesn't, because I want you there. Puck and Sam want you there too." She says honestly. "You know they like you."
Turning around, Santana bites her lip and hesitates but eventually nods her head in agreement.
Grinning, Brittany sits up and leans forward, placing a quick peck on Santana's lips before lying back down on the bed. "I'll tell her we'll meet up with them after dinner." She says, as she texts Quinn back. But the other girls response, makes her frown.
Quinn (4:45pm): You're having dinner with her family again? Seriously, what is happening to you?
Rolling her eyes Brittany just tells her to fuck off, before putting her phone back in her pocket. Grabbing the remote, she turns Santana's TV on, knowing that it won't bother her, even if she's doing homework. Santana is good about blocking things out and focusing on her work when she has to.
After dinner, the girls are sitting on the couch watching TV. When Santana asked her mother about going out with Brittany and her friends, the woman hadn't been too found of the idea. It's already after 8 and a school night, which meant Santana could only be out for an hour or so anyway.
Thankfully, Brittany had been just as happy to stay in with Santana and watch some TV for another couple of hours. She'd meet up with her friends when she left Santana's.
Quinn was mad, but Brittany really doesn't care.
A few minutes later, Santana's mom walks in the living room and Brittany feels Santana tense up under her arms. Santana still gets a little awkward about showing PDA in front of her mother, even if it's something as simple as cuddling. Brittany sort of things it's adorable. Just like she thinks pretty much everything about Santana is adorable.
"Oh, I love this show." Maribel says, sitting in the armchair next to the couch, giving Santana and Brittany a smile.
Santana sighs, inwardly wishing her mother would leave them to be by themselves. But she supposes' it's her own fault for not taking Brittany up to her room, and choosing the living room instead. But she does want her mom and Brittany to spend more time together. She wants them to like each other and get along.
"Sofia Vergara is so sexy," Maribel states with a mischievous grin, making Santana's eyes widen. Brittany just chuckles in response.
"Yeah, she is," Brittany agrees. "But I think all Latina's are sexy. Just something about them." She says with a smirk, giving Santana a gentle squeeze.
Maribel hums in response and nods her head firmly, giving Brittany a look, letting her know she strongly agrees. Brittany once again chuckles and Santana's face turns a light shade of red. She can't believe her mother and her girlfriend are having this conversation.
"You know, I made out with a girl one night when I was in college." Maribel informs them, with another mischievous grin, as if she's telling them some juicy secret.
"Mom!" Santana screeches, her eyes widening.
Maribel just shrugs and waves her hand at her daughter, turning her attention to Brittany's amused face. "What? I wanted to try it." She says. "I was at this party and I had been drinking, we both had and I don't know, it just happened. But I have to say it was a lot of fun." She explains to them as Santana's face just turns redder and redder. "But I can honestly say I'm 100% into men. Women are beautiful, but I like-
"Mom!" Santana interrupts, not quite sure how her mother was going to finish that sentence, but she didn't want to know. She doesn't want to hear about her mom experimenting with girls in college.
"Sounds like you liked to have fun when you were younger." Brittany chuckles, hearing the woman openly talk about being drunk at a party and making out with a girl.
Maribel grins and wiggles her eyebrows at Brittany in response and Santana just groans, burying her face in her hands.
"What's wrong with you?" Manny asks, walking into the living room and noticing the look on Santana's face. He sits down next to his mother and tries to ignore the way Brittany's hand is just a little too low on his little sisters waist, for his comfort.
"I'm apparently embarrassing her again." Maribel answers in response, rolling her eyes a bit.
Santana removes her hands from her face and throws her mother a glare before looking at her brother. "She's t-t-talking about m-making out with g-g-girls when she was in c-college!" Santana whines to her brother with a grimace on her face.
Manny grimaces as well and turns to look at his mother. "Mom, gross." He says with distaste. "We don't need to hear what you did in college or who you did it with." He further explains. The older woman just scoffs and turns her attention back to the TV, ignoring her two kids.
Brittany looks between the three of them with an amused look on her face. Even though Manny isn't exactly fond of her, she's starting to really like being around Santana's family. She wishes that her own family was like this.
It feels nice being in the room with them, just lounging around, watching TV and talking. She always says the whole family thing is lame, but she could definitely get used to being apart of this family.
Okay. She did not just think that.
Clearing her throat, Brittany shifts a bit on the couch and adjusts her arms around Santana. When she notices Manny's gaze set on her hand that was just slightly touching Santana's ass, she quickly slides her hand up higher, letting it rest on her waist.
She smiles and pulls her eyes away from Manny when she feels Santana's head rest against her chest. Leaning down, she places a soft kiss on the top of Santana's head, then turns her eyes back to the TV show.
Brittany pulls up to Quinn's house later that night, after saying goodbye to Santana. It was always hard leaving her, especially when she had already changed for bed and looked so fucking adorable in her onesie. She had to pretty much force herself away and to leave before her mom kicked her out.
Walking inside, Brittany spots Quinn's mom passed out on the couch, with the TV playing in front of her. She spots the wine glass and can only assume she's passed out drunk like most nights. It's sad, because Brittany knows Judy is depressed and has become an alcoholic over the past few years, but she's always felt it's not really her problem. She hasn't even really cared before, but now she finds herself feeling bad for the woman.
Santana is definitely rubbing off on her.
Walking into Quinn's room, she sees all of her friends hanging out, smoking a joint and playing video games like usual. Sitting down next to Sugar, she steals the joint away from Quinn and takes a hit of it.
"How was dinner with the beavers?" Quinn asks in a snarky voice.
"You know Quinn, just because her family isn't completely fucked up like ours, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. Your fucking jealousy is delicious." She says, rolling her eyes at her friend. "Yes, your mom is a drunk and your dad left you. Don't fucking take it out on Santana just because she has a mom and a brother who give a shit about her." She says angrily.
Quinn just smirks and raises a brow. "Defensive." She states simply.
"Yo, when is your lady friend hanging out with us again?" Puck asks, from his spot in front of the TV where he's playing CoD. "Girl can fucking game, bro." He says to Sam who is next to him. "She kicked my ass the other day."
Brittany just smirks and can't help but grin, happy that at least one of her friends truly likes Santana. She feels fucking lame for feeling so giddy about it, but she can't help it.
"You're disgusting." Quinn says, who has apparently been watching Brittany beam over just the mention of her girlfriend. "She must have like some sort of magic pussy, because damn, you're pussy whipped." Quinn comments.
Brittany takes another drag and glares at Quinn. "I'm not fucking whipped." She snaps. "And I wouldn't know because we haven't had sex." She says, though she regrets it as soon as the words come out. Every single one of her friends stop what they're doing and turn around to look at her like she'd grown another head. "What?" She snaps.
"You guys haven't fucked?" Puck asks like it's the most confusing thing he's ever heard. Brittany just rolls her eyes, but doesn't answer him, which gives them all the answer. "So you haven't had sex in like…weeks…" Puck says, astounded. "I've never seen you go a day. You normally go fucking crazy."
"I'm sure she's getting sex from someone else." Quinn says so nonchalantly that it pisses Brittany off.
"I wouldn't fucking cheat on her." She snaps angrily. "Look, she's never had sex before and it's a big fucking deal to her. I can't just force her to do something she's not ready for." She says with a small shrug. "Yeah, it fucking sucks and sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy, but I really like her. It's worth the wait." She says and she knows that she sounds sappy as fuck, but she doesn't know what else to say to them. She already said too much and there was no back tracking.
It's silent for a few seconds before she hears Puck make a whipping noise and do the motion with his hand.
She grabs a pillow and throws it at him, but he catches it and just laughs.
Santana lies in bed that night, staring up at her ceiling. She's actually pretty exhausted, but she's afraid to go to sleep. She'd gone months without nightmares and she finally thought they were behind her, but obviously not. She doesn't want to sleep and have one again. She can't handle the nightmares or more like flashbacks.
Rolling onto her side, she grabs her phone from her nightstand table and texts Brittany. She knows the girl is probably hanging out with her friends, but she hopes that she's not too busy to at least text her for a bit. Maybe that'll help relax her. She also hopes that if she texts Brittany and falls asleep with happy thoughts then maybe she won't get a nightmare.
Sent (10:45 pm): Hey Britt-Britt… I know you're with your friends, but I can't sleep so I thought I'd text you.. hope I'm not bothering you..
Sighing, Santana pulls her knees up to her chest, hoping that Brittany will text her back. She understands if she's having a good time with her friends and doesn't want to be rude, but Santana really needs her right now.
Brittany (10:46pm): You would never bother me, beautiful. Why can't you sleep, what's up?
Santana frowns at the message and regrets that she had told her that she can't sleep. Because of this morning, she knows that Brittany is going to think something is wrong. And there is, but she doesn't want to burden Brittany with her problems.
Sent (10:46pm): I don't know, I'm just not sleepy I guess. What are you up to?
She figures that Brittany won't buy it, but she sends it anyway.
Brittany (10:47pm): Lies, you were about to fall asleep on me while we were on the couch.
Santana winces, because Brittany is right. She thought that maybe Brittany hadn't noticed though. Before she can say anything, Brittany has sent her another message.
Brittany (10:47pm): Is it because you had a bad dream? Do you want me to come back? I can sneak in and nobody has to know I'm there.
Santana's heart flutters at the message, but then she frowns because she doesn't want to make Brittany come all the way over here just because she's afraid to sleep. Plus, she doesn't want her mom or brother catching Brittany.
Sent (10:48pm): No, it's okay.. you don't have to do that. I just wanted to talk to you..
Brittany (10:48pm): I want to hold you and make you feel better. Promise you can't have a bad dream if you're in my arms. Impossible :)
Santana grins at Brittany's response and feels those familiar butterflies in her stomach. She's afraid of getting caught and she feels bad, but she really wants to see Brittany. And she believes her, she always feels so safe when she's in Brittany's arms.
Sent (10:48pm): Okay.. thank you..
Brittany (10:48pm): No need to thank me baby girl. I'll always be here to save you from your bad dreams, or from anything else that threatens your happiness or your safety. You're my Mary Jane.
Santana bites on her lip, because she's pretty sure her cheeks would hurt from how wide she wants to smile at the text message.
Sent (10:49pm): And you're my Spider Man..