The Sound of Silence
Chapter 15
Santana walks into BreadstiX, a little anxiously since she's by herself. Normally she likes to walk in with someone and not wonder around alone. She'll normally wait in the parking lot for whoever she is meeting, if she didn't ride with them, and then they'll walk in together. However, she's meeting Tina and the girl had beat her there. She sent her a text telling her that she was already inside and has a table.
Santana had frowned, reading the text message and then got the best description that she could as to where Tina is sitting. Considering she knows the restaurant almost like the back of her hand, she's pretty sure she knows where Tina is sitting. But it still makes her anxious to have to walk in and look for her.
The hostess smiles at her and asks her how many she's going to have and Santana just gives her an awkward smile and points into the building, hoping the woman will understand that she already has a table. And she apparently gets it, because she just smiles and nods her head, letting Santana walk fully into the restaurant.
She spots Tina, right where she had told her she'd be, and it makes her feel more at ease. She walks a bit faster to the table and slides into the booth, across from her best friend.
"Hey Tana," Tina greets with a wide smile. "I got you a water," she says gesturing to the drink in front of Santana.
Santana smiles gratefully and takes a sip of it, before grabbing a breadstick from the can and nibbling on it. Tina just smirks at her and shakes her head, still amused at how obsessed with those sticks, Santana is.
"So how are you and Brittany?" Tina asks curiously. She knows that Santana and the blonde have been spending a lot of time together. It's weird to see Santana dating someone and to see her so into someone. She's never really showed much interest in anyone before and though she'd said she was a lesbian, Tina almost thought she may just be asexual. But it's also nice to see her with someone and to be so happy.
Santana bites down on her lip, trying to hide the giddy grin that wants to form on her face. She grabs the pen on the table and the journal that Tina had brought, knowing that Santana probably wouldn't be able to talk in this setting. She knows her too well and she always brings things like this, thinking about her and helping her out. It's why they're best friends. She's always looking out for her.
We're really good.
She writes simply.
She's amazing.
Tina just grins at her, happy that they're still doing well. Just the smile on Santana's face is enough to tell her, how smitten Santana is by Brittany. It worries her slightly, because she still doesn't fully trust Brittany. But so far, she's been good to her and she's never seen Santana so happy.
"I heard she got into a fight with Kitty the other day." Tina says, making Santana frown slightly. "Kitty was suspended from the team for a week because she has a black eye and a busted lip," she says with a bit of a smirk. Neither of them really like Kitty, because she's always bullying them so it's sort of entertaining that she would get suspended. And also as much as neither of them like violence, it's not the worst thing to hear that your bully got beat up.
Santana chews on the inside of her cheek as she takes the girls words in. She hadn't heard anything on Kitty's end about after the fight. And honestly she hadn't even been paying attention to the damage that Brittany did on her. She'd been too worried about getting to Brittany and finding out what happened, after the fight.
Kitty was talking bad about me and also about me and Brittany.
She writes, and Tina's face lights up with realization. It all makes sense now. Brittany and Kitty have always gotten into fights and not gotten along, but it definitely makes sense as to why Brittany would do it this time. It sort of makes Tina smile with pride. She's glad that someone is sticking up for Santana. None of them deserve the bullying, but especially not Santana. She's the sweetest and most harmless girl that she's ever met. Even if, like Santana, she doesn't approve of the violence. it makes it a bit better that it was for a good reason. She can't lie and say that there haven't been a few times that she's wanted to punch Kitty in the face. Though she'd never do it.
She got suspended and if she gets in trouble again, she'll be expelled.
She writes, making Tina's eyes widen. "Damn," she just says, not really sure what else she could say. Santana glances up at her from the notebook, because she doesn't normally hear Tina curse very often. But she doesn't comment on it.
She promised that she'll stay out of trouble.
How are you and Artie?
Now it's Tina's turn to smile bashfully and blush. It makes Santana smile in return as well. "We're good as well. We've been out a couple of times. We hung out last night and just played video games at his house. I didn't really know how to play any of them, but I had fun watching him." She says, trying just like Santana had, to not sound so giddy.
Santana's happy for Tina as well. She's seen Tina have a couple of crushes on boys in the past, but she'd always been to shy to really approach anything with any of them. So she's happy that she's finally found someone and made that next step with them. It's good that they both have someone and can be so happy together.
We still need to all hang out soon.
Tina bites on her lip, looking a bit hesitant, but she nods anyway. "Yeah we should," she agrees. She's a bit nervous, considering Brittany has bullied both her and Artie in the past. Though she's also bullied Santana and obviously hasn't touched any of her friends since they started hanging out. But it's still slightly weird thinking about hanging out with her former bully.
Santana can sense her hesitance and completely gets it.
She's changed a lot and she would never hurt any of my friends, anymore. Just give her a chance because I really want you guys to at least like each other. You're my best friend and she's my girlfriend.
Tina reads it and nods along as she does. "I know that," she agrees, getting where Santana is coming from. "I want to like her too," Tina says honestly. "You're the happiest that I've ever seen you and I already like her for that reason. I've never seen you be so comfortable around anyone like you are with her, and open up so fast." She says, and Santana looks away a bit shyly. She honestly can't get over how fast she warmed up to Brittany either. "I just need to get to know her better, and not judge her on her past. It just might take a little while," she says and Santana nods in understanding.
Before Santana can write anything else, the waitress comes up to take their order. Tina already knows what Santana wants, but she says it and looks at Santana for her approval and the Latina just nods. The waitress looks a bit confused as to why Tina is ordering for her, but she writes it down and walks away with a smile, anyway.
Santana sets her menu aside and grabs another breadstick. As she glances around the restaurant, she spots a familiar blonde a few booths over. It's Quinn. It makes her tense up slightly because she knows that the girl doesn't like her and she's sort of afraid that she'll say or do something. Though, she's pretty sure Quinn knows better because Brittany will kill her when she finds out. It still doesn't ease all of her anxiety though.
She looks at who Quinn is with, trying to see if it's Puck or Sam with her, because she knows that at least the two of them don't mind her. Sam isn't her biggest fan just because like Brittany has told her, he has a huge crush on the blonde. Though he's never been mean to her, since Santana and Brittany started dating.
However, she sees Quinn with Finn, which sort of confuses her. She didn't know they were friends. Brittany is always talking shit about him as well as the rest of them. They hate all of the jocks and cheerleaders. But it's not really her business so she just turns her attention back to Tina, hoping that Quinn doesn't notice her and if she does, that she doesn't acknowledge her.
"How'd you do on that Trig test yesterday?" Santana hears Tina ask as she's snapped out of her thoughts about Quinn.
She suddenly turns happy again and starts writing a paragraph about how well she did. She even goes into some detail about a few of the problems. And just like always, majority of their conversations get turned towards school. And as much as anyone else would think it was boring, they love it.
o0o0o0o
Brittany hops into her car, buzzing from the fact that it's finally Friday. Which means no school for a whole two days. She's always loved the weekends, but they're even better now that she's actually been going to class more. Used to be, it was as if almost every day was a weekend for her, now it's not the case.
She's also happy because she had convinced Santana to go out with her and her friends. They were going to go to a bar, but Santana doesn't have a fake and Brittany couldn't get her one on such short notice. Plus they're a couple hundred dollars for the good ones that scan and everything to get into most clubs or bars.
So they'd instead found a party, that should be pretty decent. She just still can't believe that Santana had agreed. she could tell the girl was extremely hesitant and almost said no, but she's happy she hadn't. She knows Santana will be really nervous, but she plans to be there with her and help her to be as comfortable as possible. She also knows that Puck and Sam will help her out with that as well. Hopefully it'll be enough and she can enjoy herself.
She arrives at Santana's house and puts it into park before walking up the driveway to her front door. She's not really sure what she had told her mom that she was doing, if she lied or not. She doesn't see Santana lying, but she also doesn't see her mom letting her go to a house party.
She knocks and then opens the front door because Santana had told her that her mom and brother were out and she could just come inside. But she doesn't want to completely startle the girl. "Santana?" She calls out as she shuts the door behind her. Though she doesn't hear any response from her.
She starts to head up the stairs towards her bedroom and pauses as she hears music playing. She also hears Santana's voice and it stuns her for a second because she girl sounds amazing. And when she says amazing, she means amazing. Like professional status. She had no idea that the girl could sing. She knows that Rachel has been pushing her into Glee, but she doesn't even think that Rachel probably has any idea that Santana's voice is this good. Honestly, if Rachel knew, she probably wouldn't want her in Glee. She'd definitely steal the spotlight.
"Baby?" She calls once again, pushing Santana's bedroom door opened. She sees the girl with a hair brush in her hand, dancing and singing around her room. It makes her grin widely because Santana looks like she's having so much fun. It's the most at ease and care free that she's probably ever seen her.
Though as soon as Santana turns around and spots Brittany, she stops abruptly and drops the brush onto the ground.
"Hi,' Brittany greets with a small wave and a chuckle. She walks over to Santana's ipod dock and turns the music down because Santana is frozen in her spot. "I'm early, I'm sorry," Brittany mumbles, knowing that Santana hadn't been expecting her this soon. She had just been impatient and wanted to see Santana.
Santana just swallows and looks away, completely embarrassed. She walks over to her dresser and starts absentmindedly fiddling with the things on top of it, trying to make it look like she was doing something.
Brittany grins at her embarrassment, thinking she's completely adorable and walks over to her. "Don't be embarrassed," she says softly, wrapping her arms around Santana from behind. "You looked fucking adorable and your voice is seriously amazing," she compliments, truthfully as she places a soft kiss to the side of Santana's head.
Santana blushes even harder at the compliment, but doesn't say anything nor does she push Brittany away from her.
Brittany can feel her slightly shaking in her arms and it makes her heart break. She hates how shy and anxious Santana is, because she knows how much Santana hates it as well. It has to get in the way of her life and the things she likes to do and wants to do and that makes her sad. She just wants to see Santana like she just did, all of the time.
"Hey, I brought you something," Brittany says, hoping that changing the subject will relax her. She pulls away from Santana and moves across the room to her bag that she had set down on Santana' s floor. She pulls out a bag of Hershey's kiss' and walks back over to Santana. "Kisses for my bae," she says with a smirk, handing them to her.
Santana smiles and takes them gently out of Brittany's hand, still feeling shy and embarrassed over what had just happened. "Thank you," she says quietly. She's almost as obsessed with chocolate as she is with BreadstiX and it makes her heart swell just at the action of Brittany bringing her some.
"So, I was thinking about smoking a bit before we leave. You can have some if you want. It may loosen you up a bit before we get there," she suggests, sitting down on Santana's bed.
Santana looks up at her and considers the thought briefly, before shrugging her shoulders awkwardly, not really sure if she wants to smoke or not. She does like the thought of being more relaxed. The party has her feeling extremely anxious, and she'd almost do anything to make that go away. She doesn't want to go, but she does because she wants to hang out and have fun with Brittany. She's just trying hard to not let her anxiety bring her down.
"Well, bring your kisses with you and we'll go sit in the car and smoke a bit. Or I will and you can decide if you want to or not," the blonde suggests, grabbing her bag. "And by kisses, I mean both senses of the word," she says with a wink.
Santana turns bashful again and grabs her phone off the nightstand, ducking her head to hide her blush. She follows Brittany out of her bedroom and outside to her car. She's happy that Brittany had at least, not smoked in her house. She doesn't need her brother or mom coming home and smelling it.
Santana opens a kiss and pops it into her mouth before glancing over at Brittany who is loading a bowl into her pipe. She then glances around the neighborhood to see if anyone is outside that might see them. But nobody is. she also knows that Brittany's windows are pretty tented and it'd be hard to make out what they're doing, unless they're right on top of them.
"Come here," Brittany says, making Santana look over at her. "Give me a kiss before I take a hit," she says with a smile, leaning over the arm rest to peck Santana's lips. "Chocolatey," Brittany smirks.
Santana just gets that goofy grin on her face when Brittany pulls away. She watches the blonde take a hit off the pipe and her eyes follow the smoke that casually and gracefully blows out of Brittany's lips. She can smell it instantly, and she's happy that the smell doesn't bother her, because it's pretty strong in the car.
"I saw Q-Quinn yesterday at Breadstix," She says casually as she opens another kiss and eats it. She'd meant to say something to Brittany about it earlier, but she'd forgotten. It wasn't like it was that big of a deal. She just thought she'd mention it, since it was one of Brittany's friends. Plus, she didn't really know what else to say right now. She's not the best with coming up with conversation starters. At least nothing that Brittany would be interested in.
Brittany just lets out a hum and takes another hit, before setting the pipe down. She then rolls down the window and lights up a cigarette. "Who was she with? Because I definitely got no invite," Brittany says, only slightly offended. It seems like Quinn never wants to invite her anywhere anymore and it's starting to really piss her off.
"Finn," Santana mumbles simply, her mouth full of chocolate.
Brittany's brows furrow and she looks over at the Latina. "Finn?" She asks confused and Santana just nods. She had been confused by it too. So she's sort of glad that she wasn't the only one. "Weird," Brittany mumbles before taking another hit. The gears start turning in her head and she starts to put two and two together. She'd been hanging out with someone recently and wouldn't tell Brittany who it was. It had to be him. "If she's dating him, she really can't give me anymore shit about dating you." She says honestly. "Not that you guys are anything the same. But he's, Finn." She says with distaste.
Santana just chews on her lip, watching the blonde. "Well, t-t-to her, I'm…Santana…" She says, copying the same voice of disgust that Brittany had used.
"Yeah, well, he's actually gross. You aren't. Plus, he's an idiot" She tries to argue, but Santana doesn't really see how it's valid. Brittany doesn't like Finn, just like Quinn doesn't like her. And neither really have any good reasons not to.
Brittany throws her cigarette out and looks over at her girlfriend, before reaching over and grabbing a kiss for herself. Santana sort of frowns at her and Brittany just smirks. "Santana Lopez, it' s not nice to not share," she says teasingly as she pops it into her mouth.
Santana just grumbles under her breath and Brittany chuckles, thinking she's adorable. She only gets that way with her breadsticks and with chocolate. And if it should even be an unattractive quality, it's not. Brittany actually finds it completely adorable.
"So what did you tell your mom about tonight?" She asks curiously.
She sees Santana's face change into something and she thinks it's guilt. It almost wants to make her back track and not even ask, but now she's very curious. "I t-t-told her that I was spending the n-night with Tina…" she says quietly, obviously feeling terrible for lying.
Brittany can't lie and say she's not shocked. "Wow, never thought I'd see the day where Santana Lopez lies," she says with a smirk and Santana just glares at her. "I'm sorry, but baby, it's really not that big of a deal," she says, hoping that it'll ease her worries. "It's not like she'll find out and you aren't doing anything bad. You'll just go have fun with me and I'll make sure to get you home safe." She promises her.
"I've j-j-just never lied to her, really…" she says quietly. "She'd b-be so disappointed if she found out," she says, worriedly.
"Hey, she won't." Brittany assures her. "But you don't have to go if you don't want to. I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do. I can even drop you off at Tina's if you actually want to stay with her," Brittany offers, honestly. She of course wants Santana to come, but she's not going to make her do things she doesn't want to do, including, lying.
"No, I want to," Santana assures her, though it wasn't that convincing. "I do," she adds with a nod.
Brittany smiles at her and nods her head. "Alright, well, then let's get going." she says, before reaching over and stealing another kiss. Santana glares at her again and Brittany just chuckles before popping it into her mouth and throwing her car into reverse.
"Wait," Santana says, making Brittany pause, halfway down the driveway. "Is this…I d-d-don't know what t-to wear to a party…" she says quietly and a bit embarrassed as she picks at her button up shirt. She'd decided not to go with the sweater. She's just wearing a purple button up, buttoned all the way up to the top and a pair of only slightly baggy jeans. And of course her worn out converse.
"Here," Brittany says, putting her car back into park. She reaches over and unbuttons the top three buttons of Santana's shirt before sitting back in her seat. "Now you're ready. Oh and this," She says, before reaching behind Santana and pulling her pony tail holder out of her hair.
She runs her hands through Santana's hair, messing it up slightly and slightly fixing it, to get the crease out of it, from being up.
Santana frowns at her shirt buttons and lets her hand hover over them for a bit, wanting to button them back. Brittany just smirks and leans over, buttoning one of them back up. "There, you can't see any cleavage." She says, hoping Santana will be okay with it. Though she really doesn't mind if Santana wants to wear it completely buttoned up. She wouldn't even care if she wore one of her sweaters.
But Santana seems satisfied and nods her head, letting her hands drop down onto her lap.
Brittany smiles and puts her car back into reverse, backing down her driveway.
o0o0o0o
They arrive at the party and Santana feels her anxiety kick in as soon as Brittany parks the car. There are multiple people standing around outside of the house, obviously drinking. Some are dancing and just being completely stupid and it makes her swallow hard. She can only imagine what the people inside are doing and how much worse it'll probably get into the night. Considering the night is just starting and they're acting like this.
Brittany looks over at her girlfriend and can see the fear in her eyes. It makes her frown and she reaches over, gently placing her hand on Santana's thigh. It makes the girl jump a bit, but she soon relaxes and looks over at Brittany. "Hey, you okay?" Brittany asks, though she knows the answer. "Do you want to leave?"
Santana glances back at the house and swallows hard. She's so nervous that she can't seem to speak right now, even though she's in a car with just Brittany. But she still doesn't want to leave. She wants to do this. She wants to be a normal teenager and do something fun like this. She also doesn't want Brittany thinking she's lame or making the other girl not have a good time because of her.
"Okay, we'll leave," Brittany decides, after not getting a response from Santana. She puts her car into reverse but then stops as she feels Santana's hand covering her own. When she looks over at her girlfriend, she just sees her shake her head, no. "You want to stay?" She asks skeptically. And Santana nods her head, making Brittany watch her, trying to see if she could tell if she was lying. "Alright," she finally says, putting it back in park.
Santana takes her own seatbelt off and wrings her hands anxiously in her lap as she waits for Brittany to get out first. Once the blonde does, she's about to get out as well but she sees Brittany walking around the car to open the door for her. She smiles sheepishly at her and takes Brittany's extended hand, letting her help her out of the car.
"Just stay with me, alright?" Brittany says, putting arm arm around her girlfriend.
Santana nods her head and wraps her arm around Brittany's waist as she walks with the blond into the house. As soon as the door opened, she's met with loud music and hundreds of people scattered all over the house. So much to a point that it's hard to walk through. She holds onto Brittany a little tighter and swallows hard, looking around, her eyes darting from person to person.
Brittany takes her arm off of Santana, and she doesn't miss the flash of fear in Santana's eyes. It makes her heart break, but she also smiles. She hadn't been planning on letting her go, just making things easier. She grabs Santana's hand and holds it tightly, pulling Santana close to her. "Stay close," she says, before leading both of them through the crowds.
Santana follows as close to Brittany as she can, squeezing onto her hand. They get into the kitchen and Santana notices the cabinets are full of different kinds of liquor. Bottles are just scattered around everywhere. She doesn't even have the first clue as to what most of it is.
"Do you want a drink?" Brittany asks, turning to her girlfriend before grabbing to plastic cups off the counter. She sets them back down, right side up and starts pouring some Jack into one.
Santana bites down on her lip and glances around the room. She slowly nods her head, giving in and telling Brittany that she does want a drink. That's what you do at parties right? Drink and have fun. She just hopes the fun part will come after the drinking.
"Here, babe," Brittany says, passing off a glass to her. "It's vodka, not as strong as Jack," she informs her. "And I didn't give you too much. It shouldn't be hard to drink," she tells her.
Santana sniffs the drink and can smell the sprite more than anything. Though there is a hint of something else. Something like vodka and it makes her nose scrunch up a bit. She looks up at her girlfriend and sees the blonde taking a rather long sip of the drink she had made herself. Slowly, Santana puts her own drink up to her lips and takes a small drink. She can taste a bit of something, but it's not strong enough to make the drink taste bad, which she's happy for.
"Come on, let's go see what all is happening," Brittany says, pulling Santana out of the kitchen. She leads her out into the backyard, where a few people are hanging out on the deck, smoking cigarette's. Brittany settles herself against the railing and pulls Santana into her, wrapping her arms around the brunette's waist. She then pulls out a cigarette of her own and lights it up.
Santana continues to sip on her drink as she looks around the backyard. She doesn't know hardly anyone here, though there are a few that she remembers seeing in school occasionally. She also spots Puck in the backyard, hitting on a few girls that she's pretty sure she's seen in Cheerio uniforms.
"You okay?" Santana hears, Brittany's voice ask, snapping her from her little world that she'd been caught up in. She looks up at the blonde and nods her head with a little smile. She actually is okay. Maybe it's because she's wrapped up in Brittany's arms. Or maybe it's because they're outside and it's not as intense as the party inside. Regardless, she's actually okay.
"Hey lesbo's," is the next voice she hears, making her turn slightly to see Quinn staring at them with a smirk on her face. She tenses slightly in Brittany's arms. Maybe she'd spoke too soon about being okay.
Brittany takes a long drag of her cigarette and just tightens her grip on Santana, knowing Quinn makes her nervous. And she understands why. "Hey, Q," Brittany greets, a smirk of her own on her face. "I heard you had a date with grimace," the blonde says, and soon the smirk drops from Quinn's face.
"What are you talking about?" She asks, confused. And not because it's a lie, but because she doesn't know how Brittany would know about it. "Do you really think that I'd go on a date with Hudson?" She asks, rolling her eyes. She plucks the cigarette from Brittany's fingers and takes a drag of it herself.
But Brittany knows that she's not telling the truth. "So you're just fucking him? Not much better, Fabray." She says honestly, a smirk still on her face as she takes her cigarette back from Quinn.
Santana holds onto Brittany even tighter as she just listens to the two girls. She's sort of nervous now, because she doesn't want Quinn to get mad that she told Brittany, she'd seen them. Quinn already hates her and she doesn't need even more reasons to.
Rolling her eyes, Quinn looks at Santana who is basically shaking in Brittany's arms and scoffs. "So what? Are you a fucking rat now? How about I tell her who you were with? Some nerdy Asian chick, are you cheating on Brittany?" She asks, placing her hands on her hips.
Santana tenses up even more as she realizes that she's being talked to directly by Quinn. She just shakes her head vigorously trying not to let out the tears that she feels are going to come soon.
"Lay off, Fabray." Brittany says rolling her eyes. "She was there with her best friend and she mentioned that she saw you. She's not a fucking rat because she didn't know it was a secret. Is that what it is? You're dating him but too afraid to say shit? I mean, I can't blame you. I'd be too embarrassed to admit dating him too," Brittany says, trying not to get too angry at Quinn. She just really wants to have a good time tonight and fighting with the blonde won't end well.
"We're not dating. He offered me dinner and I don't turn down free food." She says with a shrug. "Besides, he's less embarrassing than this one," she says pointing at Santana.
Brittany's jaw clenches as well as her fists and she makes a move towards the other blonde, but Santana doesn't loosen her grip. Brittany looks down at her and Santana just shakes her head no, giving her a begging look with those big brown eyes. It makes Brittany relax a bit, letting out a loud sigh. "Just fuck off, Fabray." She says, giving the girl a glare, hoping she'll be smart enough to just walk away. She's not sure if even Santana will be able to stop her if Quinn keeps running her mouth.
Thankfully, Quinn takes the hint and walks away, though she still has a smug look on her face that Brittany really just wants to slap off. The blonde looks down at her girlfriend and can feel her basically trembling in her arms. "Hey, it's okay," she says gently, holding Santana tighter to her. But it's hard to calm her down when there are a bunch of drunk idiots everywhere. And the fact that one of those idiots stumbles and falls too close to them, sets Santana off.
She clings onto Brittany as her breathing turns ragged. Slamming her eyes shut, she tries to calm herself down, but all she can hear is multiple drunk people talking loudly around her and she just gets even more worked up. She needs to get out of there. She wants to go home.
She barely even registers, feeling herself being moved. Brittany's arms never leave her though and the next thing she notices is that she's sitting inside Brittany's car. "Hey, look at me," She hears Brittany's voice, coaxing her. She looks up to see Brittany standing in front of her, outside the car as she is sat in the passenger seat. Brittany's hands cup her face and guide her to look her in the eyes, because Santana's eyes can't seem to focus on anything, moving back and forth between all of the people standing in the front yard.
"It's okay," Brittany says softly. "You're safe, alright? I've got you," She says, pulling Santana into her and rocking her slightly. "Just listen to my breathing, okay?" She asks, trying to keep her own breath under control so maybe Santana will copy it. She's not exactly sure how to handle panic attacks and she's honestly sort of scared right now.
"It hurts," she hears Santana whimper, breaking her heart. Santana's lungs feel like they're on fire as she tries her best to get her breathing back to normal, but it doesn't seem to be working for her. She just keeps taking in gasp, after gasp, though it still isn't enough.
Brittany just holds her closely, running her fingers through Santana's hair and rocking her gently, hoping that it's somehow calming. "Look, we're in my car, alright? You're fine and as soon as you calm down, we're going to leave alright? We're going to go cuddle up in my bed and watch movies or something. And pig out. I got you some chocolate ice cream in the freezer." She says, hoping that maybe talking to her will get her to be okay. And maybe telling her what is going to happen next and that it'll all be fine.
It seems to work because after a few minutes, Santana's slowly starting to breath normally. She's still panting slightly, but she's not gasping for air anymore, which makes Brittany feel better. She'd honestly been terrified by the sounds Santana was making and the look in her eyes. She'd tried not to show it though because she didn't want Santana freaking out even more.
"Alright," Brittany says gently, pulling away from Santana just enough to look at her. "Are you okay?" She asks gently, brushing a strand of hair behind Santana's ear.
Santana swallows hard and sniffles a bit, but nods her head. She's still trying to breathe a little easier, but she's calming down and her lungs aren't on fire anymore. She just feels embarrassed now for having a panic attack in front of Brittany's friends and the whole party. She's mostly just embarrassed about having a panic attack in front of Brittany, in general.
Brittany picks up on her embarrassment, by the way she avoids eye contact with her and her face turns red. It's not the shy, cute embarrassment she gets when Brittany compliments her or something. She's just truly embarrassed and it makes Brittany a little sad. "Hey, don't be embarrassed, okay?" she says honestly. "I shouldn't have brought you here anyway. This isn't your scene and that's okay," she says gently.
Santana frowns, because she had really wanted to be okay. She wanted to be able to come to a party like this, and do things that Brittany likes to do and be okay. She hates herself for not being normal. Brittany doesn't deserve someone so pathetic like her. She can't even be normal enough to go to a party, which every teen in the world does.
"Come on, let's get home," Brittany says, stepping back to shut Santana's door and move to the other side of the car. But Santana shakes her head, grabbing onto her wrist. "What is it?" Brittany asks confused.
Santana glances around a bit nervously then just points back to the house. She wants to go back in. She wants Brittany to have fun with her friends and she wants to have fun too. She's determined to get through this. Before Brittany can really say anything, Santana twists in the seat and grabs Brittany's pipe that had been sitting in the little tray under her speakers.
"You want to smoke?" Brittany asks, raising a brow at the Latina. She'd done it once already, but she had said that she probably wouldn't be doing it again. "You don't have to Santana. I really don't mind going home. Fabray pissed me off anyway. I sort of just want to go and lay in bed with you," she says with a shrug. She doesn't want Santana feeling pressured to go back in. Or for her to think Brittany will be upset by leaving. Sure, a part of her wants to stay because she hasn't partied or hung out with her friends much since her and Santana started dating. But she really didn't mind just hanging with her girlfriend either.
Santana reaches around and also grabs a lighter, handing it to Brittany because she's not really sure what to do or how to use it.
Brittany looks at Santana for awhile, debating on what to do. But Santana looks like she really wants to. "Are you sure?" Brittany asks needing to make sure this is what she wants to do. In response, Santana just nods, a confident look in her eyes. "Alright," She sighs and then moves around to the drivers seat. She pulls out the baggie and starts loading another bowl for them.
Santana just watches her intently, ready to try it again. She'd remembered feeling so much more relaxed while she was high. Maybe it'll hep her get through the party. And most of all, maybe it'll make her feel normal. She really just wants to be normal.
"Alright….you're sure?" Brittany asks, yet again. Santana rolls her eyes and nods, letting Brittany know that she actually wants to. So the blonde puts it up to Santana's lips and lights it for her. "Just inhale as much as you can," she instructs her. Santana does so and only lasts a couple of seconds before she starts coughing.
Brittany chuckles a little and pulls the pipe away. "You alright?" She asks, placing a hand gently on Santana's thigh as she continues coughing. Santana just nods and coughs a couple of more times, before finishing up. "You want more?" Brittany asks, not really sure how much Santana is trying to have. Though, Brittany probably wouldn't let her have more than a couple of more hits. Since she's never really been high before.
Nodding, Santana takes in a deep breath, before taking another hit off the pipe. She lasts a little longer this time and doesn't cough as much as she had the first. Sitting back, she relaxes in the seat and can see Brittany taking a hit of her own, next to her. Santana just breathes in deeply as she can start to feel the effects of the weed. She already feels more relaxed and her body is starting to feel all tingly and fuzzy. Biting down on her lip, Santana lets out a giggle. She's not really sure what she's laughing at, but she hadn't been able to hold it in.
Brittany looks over and laughs as well, happy to see Santana seeming so much more comfortable than she had a few minutes ago. And when Brittany laughs, it just makes Santana laugh even more. And before long, they're both almost hysterically laughing, neither even knowing why they're laughing.
After a couple of minutes, they settle down and Santana exhales deeply, then rolls her head to the side to look at Brittany. "Can we g-g-go back in?" She asks with a lazy smile.
Brittany takes one last hit and then nods her head as she puts it back in it's hiding spot. She climbs out of the car and then helps Santana out as well. Wrapping her arms around the brunette she starts leading them up the stairs.
"I want some m-m-more of that sprite," Santana says with a giggle. Brittany chuckles and shakes her head, but agrees to get Santana another drink. And that's also when she decides that she's not going to have very much. She needs to look after her girlfriend. She wants her to relax and have some fun for once. She'll be here to make sure nothing happens to her.
o0o0o0o
Santana stumbles onto the front yard, letting out a giggle as she almost falls onto the ground. Brittany just smiles at her and makes sure to catch her before she can fall. She wraps her arms tightly around the Latina's waist and just smiles widely at the girl who is giggling in her arms.
"There are t-two of you," Santana mumbles, reaching out to tap Brittany's nose with her finger, but she misses and pokes her cheek.
"Alright, lil' one, lets get you out of here," Brittany smiles, bending down and lifting Santana up in her arms. Santana shrieks and wraps her arms around Brittany, giggling as she carries her out to the car. "You know, I had no idea that you were such a good dancer," Brittany smirks, thinking back to a little while ago when Santana had pulled her onto the makeshift dance floor in the living room.
Santana had completely let loose and Brittany loved seeing her that way. It makes her sad that she has to get wasted to be able to be free like that, but she was happy she could at least witness it once. She just wants to help Santana be more comfortable when she's sober.
Even drunk, Santana blushes at the compliment and just giggles again. She lets Brittany put her in the passengers seat and she just sits back, watching the blonde put her seatbelt on for her. "You're really pretty," Santana says with a smile, just staring at Brittany as she's leaned over her to buckle it.
Brittany smiles a bit bashfully, not really expecting the compliment. She knows that she's attractive, but she's never really heard Santana compliment her. She knows that Santana is attracted to her, but it's different to hear her say it. Normally she's too shy and awkward to say something like that, even if she's thinking it. "Thanks, babe," Brittany says sincerely. "You're pretty yourself," she says, tapping the girl on her nose.
Santana furrows her brows and shakes her head. "No, you're like…" she trails off, letting her head roll to the side as she exhales. "You're so p-p-pretty," she finishes, slurring her words slightly. "And hot…so hot…" she mumbles.
Brittany chuckles and shakes her head, pulling back and looking down at her girlfriend. "Come here," she says, cupping Santana's face and pulling her into a kiss.
When Brittany pulls away, Santana leans forward, chasing Brittany's lips, not wanting the kiss to end. It makes Brittany giggle, especially when she hears the whine that leaves Santana's lips.
"Let's go home, alright?" She says, kissing Santana quickly, knowing that Santana wants more. Santana lets out a sigh but nods her head and Brittany takes that as an okay. So she shuts the door and walks over to the drivers side to drive them back to her house.
"My lips feel all tingly," Santana mumbles with a smile, bringing her fingers up to brush against her lips. Brittany just smiles at her as she puts her seatbelt on. "Do you…" Santana starts, but stops as she decides to turn in her seat. She situates herself to face Brittany and reaches over grabbing on of Brittany's hands. Though she struggles with the seatbelt briefly as she tries to turn. "I see fireworks when you k-k-kiss me.. they're really p-pretty…. Like you." she says with a wide smile. "Do you see fireworks?" She asks, curiously, wondering if Brittany sees the same thing she does.
Brittany smiles and holds Santana's hand with both of hers. "I do," she says honestly, with a nod.
The answer satisfies Santana and she turns back in her seat, facing forward, a huge smile on her face. And it doesn't disappear until they get home.