A/N: I really tried to get this finished quicker, but everything happened at once, and I didn't want to leave you with a really short update.
I was so excited to see all of your reactions... Half of you are going to hate me, and half of you aren't! Sorry to those who will be disappointed!
I loved all of the exclamation marks in your reviews! Thanks be to vampirela69, TealSwan, Li-Li-ThePinkbookgirl, simplyy gabrielle, Stacy Vorosco, tennis14321432, Meimei, ultimanoapte, Mrs. Twilight, earley1991, Mel, silverose29, clio, hnwhitlock2000, woodshark, ineverdothis, NoneOfYourConcern, xSiriusxstalkerx, SapphireDreamer26, MinervaJean, Lover of Fantasy, Gamesgirl45, callalily32, , KittyPimms, Lacey-Mae Emelia, HPFanGirl01, La muta larmo, Zoek80, Startled Boris, Inez Stringos, xxxkimmixxx, severus49, Phoenixica24, hello, anon, BlooDsucKkerR69, MadamigellaSnape, semicharmed, THESE VOICES WONT SHUT UP, Lyra Lupin, Angelwells, maggerita, bookfanatic123, AllyZ, Sev01, alicehs, Hazel08, paisleymll, MyCatSammy, Seph7, JordanGoombette, melonka, Coolnetta, Curiosity, cinnamin, Yeddi, livebyinsanity, joanna-archer, feedvack123, flowerypetal, Scipio'sgirl, and sirli! Wow!
To Curiosity: I suppose Stockholm Syndrome could be a valid claim. I'm not really qualified to say one way or the other. Acing Intro to Psych does not an expert make.
To sirli: I'll have to consider something like that.
To xSiriusxstalkerx: I really did try! But I've delayed in posting until it fits your time frame! I woke up in the middle of the night just to do so.
Bound to Him
Chapter 30
"Miss Granger, you are not pregnant."
Hermione stared at the matron nurse and groaned in frustration. "But you haven't even checked! How do you know I'm not?"
"I administered the contraceptive as soon as Professor Snape brought it to my attention," Madam Pomfrey explained. "I ran a scan after I had tended to all of your other injuries. It was negative."
"But –" She cut her protest short, realizing now that the school nurse knew about nothing beyond her initial condition. The woman did not know that she and Professor Snape were periodically required to have intercourse. Snape had forbidden Hermione from speaking of their bond with anyone who did not already know, which meant that she was going to have to find a way to get the mediwitch to perform the test without admitting anything.
"Couldn't it have been a false negative?"
"I find that rather hard to believe," the nurse responded.
"So, it's not impossible."
"It's highly improbable. I've never heard of a false negative with this particular spell."
"Can't you just run it again?" she pleaded. "Just to make sure?"
Madam Pomfrey narrowed her eyes. "Miss Granger, unless you have a particular reason to believe otherwise, you are not with child!"
"Please!"
The older witch crossed her arms. "Are you sexually active?"
I wouldn't exactly call it that. Hermione shook her head in disgust and began to pace a short distance. "I just need to see it."
"Why?"
"Because I do!" she shouted, tears forming in her eyes. "I just need to see it for myself! Please! I have to see it for myself."
Poppy let out a large sigh and dropped her head. "Alright, Miss Granger. If you would calm down, I will show you that you have nothing to worry about."
As if it were that easy. The girl took in a deep breath and nodded.
"Come here," the nurse instructed, pointing to the space in front of her. "Stand still, with your arms at your sides. This may tickle a bit, but try not to move."
Hermione held her breath as the older woman spoke a string of Latin and twirled her wand in a complex pattern. She bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from giggling as the wand passed across the width of her abdomen and then crossed back to travel the length from her sternum to her pelvis. After a second or two, the mediwitch pulled the wand away from her body.
The girl bit her lip as the wand tip turned red. "What does that mean?"
Madam Pomfrey looked at her with a raised brow. "It means exactly what I've been saying to you. You are not pregnant."
"You're sure?"
The older witch laughed in disbelief. "My dear girl, I would like to think that I can tell the difference between red and green. As I said before, you have no reason to be concerned."
"But all of the symptoms –"
"Can be entirely explained by stress," the nurse interrupted. "Lack of menstruation can most definitely be attributed to stress – and to weight loss, for that matter."
Hermione cringed at the stern look the woman gave her. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "So I'm really not pregnant?"
"Absolutely not."
"And what about my …" she trailed off, but gestured towards her pelvis.
"Your menstrual cycle should normalize itself soon enough," the woman answered. "Start off by eating more than one meal a day. If it doesn't right itself within a week or two, come back and see me. And if you're finding your schedule too demanding, perhaps you should speak with Professor McGonagall about cutting back on your responsibilities."
"I don't think that's necessary," she stated quickly. Her status as a prefect was really the only source of control she had in her life at the moment. Giving that up was completely out of the question.
"No one would think less of you for it, my dear," Madam Pomfrey added. "Especially after what you've been through. You need more rest. Are you sleeping well?"
At the girl's shrug, she made a disapproving sound. "Would you like a sleeping draught?"
"Professor Snape has provided me with Dreamless Sleep," Hermione answered. "I don't take it very often any more, though. I tend to over-sleep when I do."
"Perhaps you should ask him for something a little weaker," the nurse suggested. "I think you'll find with more rest, you'll be less prone to these…anxiety attacks."
"Okay." The young witch let out a large sigh and covered her face with her hands. Her knees felt weak with the large dose of relief that was coursing through her system. After a minute, she let her arms fall to her sides and she thanked the matron nurse for obliging her.
"Miss Granger," Poppy called out as the girl turned to leave. "If there's any other reason you were worried about pregnancy, you can talk to me about it. I will not judge."
Hermione swallowed nervously, but forced a smile onto her face and turned around. She shook her head. "Just having a bit of an anxiety attack, that's all. No one ever told me whether you had given me any form of contraceptive after I was, erm…assaulted."
Guilt was suddenly apparent on the mediwitch's face. "I understand, and I apologize for you not being informed. I should have taken more care in explaining things to you."
"Well," the girl responded with a glance to the door. "I should go eat."
"Yes, yes – you definitely should do that," the woman agreed, waving her hands to shoo the girl away.
As she pushed open the door to exit the hospital wing, Hermione closed her eyes and smiled at the small sense of liberation she felt. She was not carrying Snape's child, and for the first time that day, she was extremely hungry.
Distracted by those elements, she failed to notice the presence of Remus Lupin, who was standing just on the other side of the hallway and was staring after her with wide-eyes and an ashen complexion.
X x x x x x x x X x x x x x x x X
Severus scowled as he straightened the last shelf of the potions storeroom. The second-year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs had left it in such disarray, that he was seriously contemplating stripping every student of two points. It had taken him nearly half an hour to put it to rights, and he would most assuredly be late for the evening meal.
Upon finishing, he stalked out of the room and rubbed some of the tension out of his forehead as he warded it closed. With one last angry glance about the classroom, he stomped out into the hallway and made for the staircase.
He had barely made it onto the ground floor when a sudden movement caught his attention, and he found himself being pushed into an empty classroom.
"Lupin!" he growled angrily, pushing away from his colleague. "Accosting me in the hallway? My, my – old habits do die hard, don't they? Pity neither Potter nor Black are here to give you a pat on the back for your efforts."
"Shut up, Snape!" Remus shouted as he slammed the door shut and cast a silencing spell. "Why didn't you tell me about Hermione Granger?"
Severus narrowed his eyes and folded his arms against his chest. "And just what, pray tell, do you think I have neglected to mention?"
"You didn't say anything about her being raped!"
The Potions Master somehow managed to keep his countenance impassive, but his stomach dropped at his colleague's outburst. "And just how did you come across this piece of information?"
"I overheard her talking to Poppy not ten minutes ago!" Lupin pulled at his hair and then glared at Snape. "You should have told me!"
"What business is it of yours –"
"Don't give me that rubbish! You lied about what happened!"
"I am not the one who made the decision as to what to tell the Order!" Severus shouted back. "Take it up with Dumbledore if your tail is that bent out of shape over it!"
"We should have been told," Remus argued.
"Why? Did you want to be her furry knight in armor – is that it? Lusting after another young female? Nymphadora will be so displeased – "
"It's not like that!" the werewolf cried, his face turning red. "She's so young, Severus. We should have been there for her is what I'm trying to say."
"She isn't your responsibility," Snape hissed.
"Oh, but she's yours?" he asked in an incredulous tone.
Severus took in a deep breath to keep from losing his temper further. "What good would it have done to have the entire Order knowing the intimate details of her attack? You would prefer she have to publicly deal with her humiliation than privately? You would have her rape be the topic of discussion for the next staff meeting?"
Remus smashed his fist against a desk and panted in anger for several seconds. He turned toward the other wizard with a dark look on his face. "Who was it?"
Snape scowled and shook his head. "No."
"Tell me who it was! I know damn well that you know who did it!"
"If I did," he spat, "why would I tell you?"
Rage flared in Lupin's eyes as he grabbed hold of Snape's robes and slammed him against the wall.
Severus winced momentarily as the back of his head cracked against the blackboard, but recovered quickly and unsheathed his wand. Pressing the tip of it firmly into the soft tissue covering the other man's jugular, he glowered dangerously as he knocked Remus's hands away from his chest.
"Touch me again, Lupin, and the Headmaster will have to find himself another Defense instructor!"
Remus glanced nervously at the wand and took several steps backwards. As Snape pushed past him, he spun around to call out, "You're honestly protecting that monster?"
The Slytherin Head's shoulders slumped slightly as his hand stalled on the door knob. "It's not her rapist that I'm protecting."
"You're protecting yourself, then? I should have known you would."
Severus angrily shook his head at the accusation and yanked open the door. "It seems to have escaped your notice, Lupin, but I haven't given two shits about my reputation since we were sixteen."
Without sparing so much as a glance back at his colleague, Snape slammed the door shut behind him and stormed back to the staircase and quickly descended the steps to his dungeon office. He suddenly found that he was no longer hungry.
X x x x x x x x X x x x x x x x X
At supper the following evening, Hermione shifted uncomfortably as she realized Remus was watching her again. It had been disconcerting enough to have him continuously glancing at her in concern during the Defense lecture earlier that day. She had hardly been able to concentrate on the actual lesson because every time she looked at him, he met her eyes with a horribly sympathetic gaze. And when the session had ended, she had practically run from the room before he could remind her yet again that he was there for her if she needed him.
Frustrated, she speared a chunk of steak and shoved it her mouth. She did not need his help or his pity. She did not want to have to need anyone, but as it was, the person she did need was the brooding man seated next to Lupin. It was the first meal he had attended since lunch the previous day, and even now he sat stone still, ignoring those around him and glaring at his plate.
Several fourth years had come back to the common room, loudly detailing just how horrible he had been during class, and the seventh-year Gryffindors who were taking NEWT-level Potions were currently discussing their own torture session at the table.
Hermione sighed as she removed her gaze from Snape and took another bite of her food. There was little over an hour left before she had to meet him in his office, and he was likely to be in no finer mood then than he was now. After last week, she was more than ready to continue sorting through her memories, but upon catching sight of the dark scowl chiseled onto his face, there was a large cloud of dread hanging over their meeting.
When Harry and Ron got up from the table to start getting ready for their practice, she decided to follow them out of the Great Hall. As they made for the staircase, however, she opted to head towards the front entrance instead. Stepping out onto the grounds, she took in a long breath of fresh air and then pulled her school robes tighter around her frame. The slight bite to the wind reminded her that it was indeed October, but she had no intention of wasting time running up to her room to grab a jumper.
Without paying attention to where she was walking, she eventually wound up at the edge of the lake next to the large boulder. She quickly scrambled atop it and balanced herself by sitting cross-legged. Ignoring the chill seeping onto her robes from the stone, she closed her eyes and systematically began clearing everything from her mind.
Sometime later, her concentration was broken by the sounds of laughter being carried on the breeze. Glancing back towards the castle, she spotted Harry, Ron, and Ginny heading towards the pitch. Deciding it must be nearing seven o'clock, she jumped down from the rock and slowly walked in the direction of the entrance hall. Once inside, she quickly descended into the dungeons.
Pausing before Snape's office, she took in a steadying breath and then rapped sharply on the middle of the door. When there was no immediate response, Hermione frowned and leaned against the wall. Assuming that she was a few minutes' early, she took a seat on the floor in order to wait for him. When a few minutes turned into half an hour, she began to get angry and then to get worried.
She picked herself up from the ground and knocked again on his door. As it went unanswered again, she tried turning the door handle and was surprised to find the door unlocked.
"Professor?" she called, hesitantly peeking around the door.
Hermione scowled when she found him sitting at his desk. He was slumped slightly in his chair, facing the door. The faraway look in his eyes, though, indicated he was not seeing anything in the present time and space.
Sighing bitterly, she stepped into the room and purposely threw the door shut. At the sound of it slamming, Snape jolted back into awareness.
"I would start paying more attention to my surroundings, Professor," she smirked. "I could have killed you before you were even aware of my presence."
Severus glared and crossed his arms. "You could have knocked."
"I did!" she huffed. "Half an hour ago, in fact."
A surprised look overcame his features, and Hermione raised her brow. "Where were you?"
"That is a completely asinine question," he grumbled. "I've been here the whole time."
"That isn't what I meant, sir. I meant where in your head," she clarified. And my question isn't the asinine one.
Snape narrowed his eyes and pinched his mouth shut. A long silence descended upon the room before he finally cleared his throat. "Why were you in the Hospital Wing yesterday?"
Her eyes widened in shock and her stomach plummeted horribly. How does he know? Did Madam Pomfrey tell him? Is that why he was so angry today?
She swallowed nervously, not quite ready to speak of the reason behind her panicked visit to the school nurse. "She noticed that I appeared stressed and wanted to speak with me. Can't imagine why I might appear that way."
He stared at her for several seconds before sighing and dropping his gaze to her feet.
"She thought perhaps that you would be willing to give me a sleeping draught that isn't as strong as the Dreamless Sleep," she added. "Something to help me sleep, but doesn't cause me to miss my morning classes."
"You haven't missed any of your classes."
Hermione frowned and crossed her arms. "That's because I haven't been taking it."
The wizard leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand across his face. "Are you still having nightmares?"
"Not as often," she answered, holding her chin high. "And they're not as bad as they were. I just find it hard to sleep."
He nodded and rested his elbows on the sides of his chair. "I will have something prepared for you by tomorrow evening."
"Thank you."
The man inhaled deeply and frowned at her. "Are you going to sit down or are just going to hover by the door?"
"That depends," she replied with caution.
"On what?" he spat.
"On your temper. If you're really in as vile of a mood as everyone has said, I think I'd prefer to remain where I am."
Severus blinked at her in surprise and then gave a small snort. "You may sit, Miss Granger. I am not angry with you."
"Could've fooled me," she muttered under her breath as she stepped over towards her chair. "Does Gryffindor even have any points left?"
"Suffice it to say, you are not the only Gryffindor with the ability to sever my patience."
Hermione raised an eyebrow as she took a seat. What patience?
X x x x x x x x X x x x x x x x X
The sleeping potion had been delivered Friday night, as promised, and Hermione had enjoyed an entire weekends' worth of decent sleep. By the time Monday came around, she found that she had much more energy to spend on her classes, homework, and prefect responsibilities. She also found, however, that she had more energy to spend on worrying.
So much for reducing anxiety, she thought sadly as she made her way towards the corridor outside of McGonagall's quarters.
Snape ascended from the staircase at exactly the same time as she arrived, and the two of them walked in silence towards the hidden passage. With her gaze fixed on the back of his robes, she twisted her hands nervously. The realization of how much time had passed since their last renewal was something that had been gnawing at her all day.
"Granger, if you continue to fret over this exercise, it will not go well," he chided as he held open a door for her. "A self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will."
Hermione swallowed hesitantly and nodded, deciding it better to let him think her anxiety had to do with the next phase of her apparition lessons. Since she had competently travelled across several short distances the past week, Snape had decided she was ready to attempt a larger jump.
When they had passed beyond the wards, he silently held out his arm, and she took it without hesitation. A second later, they landed in the clearing.
"Nausea?"
The girl shook her head and straightened the edge of her jumper. "No, everything's fine."
Severus nodded and crossed his arms. "Apparate to the tree line."
She let out a deep breath, visualized herself appearing there, and almost instantly felt the pull of apparition. When it passed, she opened her eyes and found herself where he had instructed. She took in a few breaths and then apparated back to the middle of the clearing with a loud crack.
"You seem to have that much under control," he commented, stepping a circle around her in a scan for injuries. "Do you feel confident in that distance?"
Standing a little straighter, she nodded silently.
"Then it is time to increase the distance," he stated, fixing her with a steady gaze. "If you would, apparate to the passageway, and then back to the clearing. This is a larger distance, and as such, requires a greater deal of concentration. If after the first jump you do not feel comfortable in performing the second, do not attempt it. If you do not reappear in the matter of a few seconds, I will come for you. If you need assistance sooner, send me your patronus. Is that understood?"
Hermione nodded again and closed her eyes. She pictured the dark tunnel beneath the lake and expressed the immediate desire to be there. One squeamish second later, a loud popping sound indicated her arrival in the passageway. She opened her eyes to view her surroundings, and was hit with a sudden anxiousness. She was alone in the dark, and he was miles away.
What if the bond reacts negatively? It's been so long already. What if something happens to him while I'm gone? Panicked, she threw the picture of the clearing into her mind and immediately was pulled there. She gave a small gasp of relief upon seeing his dark form, but then suddenly let out a pained cry and dropped to the ground.
Snape sprinted immediately to her side, scowling when he caught sight of the blood spilling out from her leg.
"Granger, try to stop fidgeting, and try not to look at it!" he yelled, pushing her hands out of the way. He pulled a dark green bottle from his robes and immediately began dripping the brown solution onto her wound.
"I don't know what happened!" she cried, shaking slightly against him. "What happened?"
"You've splinched yourself. That's what happened."
"Oh God," she grimaced, burying her face into his shoulder. "It hurts!"
"Of course it bloody hurts," he spat. "You've left a chunk of your leg behind somewhere in the ether."
She whimpered loudly and tried not to think of the image that accompanied his explanation.
"It isn't that bad, Granger. You've only managed a minor splinch. And if you would stop twitching, this would go faster."
"Okay, okay." She nodded against him as she finally registered the tingling in her leg. "What are you doing?"
"Applying Essence of Dittany," he answered gruffly. "It will help regenerate tissue and hopefully prevent future scarring."
"Oh," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
"It's not my leg that you've ripped apart," he muttered.
She stayed quiet until the pain began to subside, and then suddenly realized how tired she was. Her eyelids began to droop, and she found she could not keep them open any longer.
When he felt her begin to sway against him, Severus dropped the jar of dittany and quickly reached for another flask.
"Granger," he hissed, grabbing hold of her chin and shaking her head. When her eyes opened, he pried open her mouth and poured in the potion. "Swallow."
She did as instructed and grimaced at the metallic taste. "Blood-Replenishing Potion?"
He nodded and glanced at her curiously.
"I remember it from last year," she answered quietly, resting her head back against his chest. "After the Ministry."
Snape raised his eyebrows in understanding, and returned to tending her leg. When he was satisfied that her skin had sufficiently stitched itself back together, he washed the blood off of her and then shifted his focus to her face. Upon seeing her skin had returned to its normal hue, he grunted and picked himself up from the ground. He held out his hand, and then pulled her to her feet. "Can you walk on it?"
Hermione shrugged and gingerly put weight on her leg. There was a small twinge when she stepped down, but other than that, there was no pain. Carefully, she picked her way across the grass and sat down on the stump. "I think it'll be okay."
He gave a nod and then bent to pick up the dittany container and the empty flask. He tucked them both into his pocket and walked towards her. "When you are rested, we will return to the castle. We are done for the evening."
Hermione nodded guiltily. "When can I try again?"
"Your leg will take time to heal properly, and you should not attempt apparition on your own until it has. You may try again the week after next if you can overcome your hesitance."
"But I'm not hesitant about it!" she argued. "I know I can do it!"
He pointed to her leg. "That tells me otherwise."
"I freaked out a little, yes, but it wasn't the jump I was worried about!"
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Then what was it?"
She sighed and dropped her eyes to the ground. "It's been almost three weeks."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, and nodded. "I know."
"But it's been every two weeks so far. Why would it change?"
The wizard crossed his arms and sighed. "It was my thought that the nerve damage you sustained prior to the bonding may have had an effect on the magic's strength. I had wondered that if we could repair them further, it might extend the time in between renewals."
Hermione took in a deep breath. "The potion."
"Yes."
"So how long do we have?"
The man shook his head. "No idea."
After a few minutes of silence, he shifted uncomfortably and stared at his feet. "If you would prefer to –"
"No," she whispered quickly. "Can't we just wait and see how long we have?"
Snape nodded slowly. "If that is what you wish."
The girl nodded emphatically. "It is."
He let out another sigh and shifted his gaze to the dusky sky. He waited until he heard her grow restless before he shifted his attention back to her. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." She pushed off of the stump and walked towards him. When he did not immediately produce his arm to her, she frowned and glanced up to find him avoiding her eyes. "What is it?"
"You should not put any weight on your leg, even during side along. You run the risk of re-opening the wound."
"So you're saying…."
"I have to carry you."
"Oh." Hermione felt heat creep into her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze to the ground. She then took in a deep breath, shrugged her shoulders, and glanced back at him. "Okay then."
X x x x x x x x X x x x x x x x X
Severus had known it was coming. He had kept it in the back corner of his mind, hoping the nerve-rebuilding properties of his potion had extended the life of the bond. When he had heard from Remus that Hermione had been in the infirmary, he had worried that she was experiencing pain again. Though it was unlikely that she would go to the school nurse now, when she had never gone before, it still had been nagging at him. And ever since her mishap during apparition, the dread of its inevitability had been weighing heavily on his mind.
He had tried to prepare himself mentally, knowing that the magic in their bond was slowly running out. He had recognized the immediacy of its arrival when she had shown up to his Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday morning classes with dark circles under her eyes. She had been taking the sleeping potion every night, yet it seemed to have suddenly stopped working. He knew it was the dark magic that was interfering with its efficacy, and that soon she would have to come to him.
He had known it was coming, but when her wide-eyed otter had flitted across his consciousness in a frenzied state in the very small hours of Thursday morning, he was still gripped by a sense of panic. He had quickly thrown on his teaching robes and had all but sprinted to the seventh floor to meet her at the Room of Requirement.
She had looked absolutely miserable standing there. Her hair had been mussed from her undoubted tossing and turning, and her skin tone once again rivaled his own pallor. Sweat had beaded up on her forehead, and her school robes had been haphazardly thrown on over her pajamas. Her eyes had been wide with fear, and he suspected that she had been fighting desperately to quell the rising panic.
It had made his gut turn to know that he could instill those feelings in someone. As soon as he could manage it, he had switched off his emotions, and dealt with the situation in as clean a manner as he could. He knew that his disgust and guilt would come roaring back with a vengeance, but he had to force himself to shut them out during the encounter. They would only inhibit his ability to perform, and he had to be able to come to completion to renew the bond. It was the only way to keep her body and mind functioning.
As he withdrew his limp member from within her, he felt the first crack in his shields. Her small body was perfectly still as she stared blankly at the wall. He spun around quickly, trying desperately to ignore the similarity of the present situation to those of his nightmares. He immediately snatched up his pants and trousers, dressing as fast as he possibly could. He had to get out of there before his emotions took hold and he broke down in front of the girl. His mother's sobs were echoing through his mind, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he was on his knees.
As his hand touched the door handle, the cries became louder. Another twinge of guilt tore at him as he realized that the sobbing was not in his head, but in the room. He closed his eyes and gathered his strength before turning around again.
Hermione had managed to replace her knickers and pajama bottoms in the time it had taken him to dress, and she now sat at the foot of the bed. Her arms were wrapped around her midsection, and huge tears were rolling down her face.
"Miss Granger?" he managed to creak out. When that garnered no response, he took a few steps towards her and tried again. "Hermione?"
She looked at him through red-rimmed eyes and immediately turned her head away in shame.
"Just go," she whispered.
As much as he was tempted to do as she requested, Severus knew he could not leave her in such a state. He continued stepping towards her and cautiously moved to sit opposite her on the bed.
At the feel of the mattress shifting, the girl pushed off of the bed and walked towards the wall. She leaned her head against the taupe-colored plaster and let out a shuddering sigh.
He took a few seconds to quell the churning of his stomach and then wiped his face. "Are you injured?"
There was a soft whimper as she shook her head and turned her face away from him. "Please just leave."
"Miss Granger," he attempted again. "Tell me what is wrong."
"Tell you what's wrong?" she repeated quietly. "What's wrong? What isn't wrong?"
The witch turned away from the wall, and he could see the fire burning beneath her tears. "What's wrong is I can't not tell you what's wrong!"
Severus felt another surge of guilt crash into him. He had not meant to force her under threat of pain to answer him, but had chosen his words carelessly. Again.
"What's wrong!" she continued, her voice growing louder as she began to pace the width of the room. "How could you even ask such an asinine question? What the hell isn't wrong? Honestly, Professor! He's turned me into your little whore, and I hate it!"
His eyes widened and he shook his head. "You're not –"
But Hermione offered him no chance to speak as she faced him with an accusing glare. "Do you know how humiliating it is – having to crawl into bed, having to beg you to fuck me just so I can keep breathing? Do you?
"And I can't tell anyone, because no one can know about it! So I lie, and lie again and again, until I can't even remember all of the lies I've told! How could I possibly be okay with that?"
She took in a deep breath and resumed her pacing.
"He's turned me into a whore, you've turned me into a liar, and I don't even know what the hell I've turned myself into! I feel like I'm going completely mental – or maybe I already have! I'm barely holding it together, and I know everyone else sees it. I'm so sick of their pity and their concern! I'm so sick of being stared at and discussed like I'm some stupid project!
"But, of course, they can't know the real reason why I'm so messed up, so they all come up with their own theories – I know they do. Harry seems to think I'm upset over my stupid marks, but the truth is I couldn't care less about them! Madam Pomfrey thinks I'm taking on too much, but if I don't keep myself busy, I know I'll be worse! And Remus! Christ, Remus probably thinks I have lycanthropy or something.
"And you know what? I think lycanthropy would actually be preferable! So once a month I'd have to drink a potion, turn into a snarling beast, and hide myself away so I don't kill anyone. There isn't a woman alive who doesn't have to do that anyway!
"But this….this… I hate this!"
She leaned against the chair for a moment, catching her breath and making futile attempts at wiping away her tears.
Snape stared at her, paler than usual with his mouth slightly parted in shock. His mind was reeling, replaying her rant repeatedly as he searched for the right thing to say. Nothing came to mind, and he helplessly watched as she hastily grabbed her school robes and disappeared from the room.
He stared at the door for several minutes before he found the ability to stand. With a sigh, he crossed towards the exit and slipped out into the darkened corridor. He walked aimlessly through the hallways, trying to determine whether he should go after her or just do as she said - slink back to his quarters and let her be.
Eventually he found himself facing the concerned expression of a lion cub.
"Fetch her," he instructed the painted feline. "Now!"
The cub disappeared in the blink of an eye, and returned a few minutes later. The frame of the painting extended into the shape of a door, which was suddenly yanked open to reveal a very startled and rumpled-looking deputy headmistress.
"Severus!" she called, concern etched on her face. "Whatever is the matter?"
The wizard gave a pained scowl and pushed past her into the dimly lit sitting room.
"Well, why don't you just come in and make yourself at home, then?" Minerva muttered grumpily as she pushed the door shut. Crossing the length of the room, she dropped into her chair and straightened the skirts of her tartan nightrobes. "It's two in the bloody morning, Severus. Either spit it out, or get out."
Snape sighed, turning away from the fire and collapsing onto the green sofa. "It's Miss Granger."
The woman immediately stiffened and stared at him with wide eyes. "Is she injured?"
He shook his head.
"Is she in trouble?"
"No," he answered quietly.
"Was she…was she summoned?" she asked with hesitance. When he shook his head again, she sighed and crossed her arms. "Well, then what is it?"
The man exhaled loudly and closed his eyes. "She's upset."
"Upset?" she repeated in surprise.
"She was crying," he explained further.
"She was crying?" Minerva rubbed her hand against her temples. "For the love of all that is Quidditch! You pulled me out of bed in the dead of night because she was crying? What in Merlin's name is wrong with you?"
He shifted uncomfortably and dropped his gaze to the floor. "I did not know what to do."
"Of course you didn't." She gave a frustrated sigh and leaned back in her chair. "You hold her – that's what you do."
Severus looked at her in disbelief. "I highly doubt she would want me to do that. She asked that I leave."
"Please tell me that you didn't," she groaned, closing her eyes.
"I stayed long enough to have her scream at me and storm out!"
"And like an idiot, you let her go," McGonagall hypothesized.
"What was I supposed to do?" he shouted. "Barricade her in the room?"
"No, of course not," she shook her head. "You go after her, and show her that you actually care!"
"She wanted me to leave."
"She's a woman, Severus. We don't know what we want."
The wizard grimaced and looked away. A minute later, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, and ran a hand through his hair. "She said she would have preferred lycanthropy."
"Preferred it to what? To you? In all your charming glory?" Minerva mocked bitterly. "I think I would agree with her."
At his wounded look, she sighed and pushed two fingers against her forehead. "I take it the two of you just…"
He nodded slowly as she trailed off.
"Merlin, I can't believe I'm asking this," she muttered. "How did it go?"
"What do you mean, 'How did it go'?" Snape snapped. "It had to be done, and so it was! Except at the end of it, she started crying and shouting about how the Dark Lord's turned her into a whore!"
McGonagall winced visibly. "Were you gentle with her?"
"Of course I was!" he spat angrily.
"You didn't hurt her?"
"No!" He crossed his arms and straightened in his seat. "I even gave her the potion again to make sure she didn't feel any pain."
"The anesthetic one?" she asked concernedly. "You think she'll be in pain every time?"
"Not if it's taken care of in time," he responded. "But I didn't want to take any chances."
Minerva rubbed her hand over her eyes and sighed. "Well, it's no wonder she's upset."
"What's that supposed to mean?" he snarled.
"Severus, you've taken away her ability to feel anything physically and you've taught her how to shut out her fears. The only thing she has left to focus on is her own humiliation. That and your….satisfaction. It makes perfect sense why she would feel used."
"How on Earth does that make perfect sense?"
The witch sighed and folded her arms against her chest. "Severus, how many sexual relationships have you been in?"
"What!" He launched up from the couch. "I don't see how that's any of your business!"
"Would you settle down?" she barked. "I'm not asking you how many times you've had sex. I'm asking how many real relationships you've been involved in."
At his foreboding expression, she let out a loud breath and shook her head. "I thought as much."
Snape pinched his eyes into a glare. "And just when was I supposed to have these intimate relationships – and with whom, exactly? Which side would she have had to have been on? Which master would she have had to assume I served? Would I have risked her life by letting her into mine?"
"Severus, sit down!" Minerva commanded, gesturing forcefully with her finger. "I'm not passing judgment. I'm simply pointing out the fact that you have as little of experience dealing with these matters as she does, despite the fact that you're twice her age."
"Thank you, Minerva," he mumbled as he angrily dropped back onto the couch. "I'd quite forgotten that."
"Oh, grow up!" she snapped with a glare. "The time for your wallowing in self-pity has passed. Accept it and move on! The fact is that you and Miss Granger are now forever connected. Think of it as an arranged marriage if you have to."
The man groaned audibly.
"Hush." She held up a hand to quell his protest. "Disturbing as it is, it's not that far off of the mark. You need to work this out, because if she continues to feel as though she's being used like some trollop in Knockturn Alley, she's going to grow to hate you. And as much as you claimed that to be preferable, you do not want it to actually happen."
"I'm not using her like that!" he hissed, his voice creaking in desperation. "I've never used anyone like that!"
"I know, I know," McGonagall said calmly. "I know that, but only because I've known you for nearly a quarter of a century. But Hermione hasn't, and for all she knows, you could be sneaking off there every other weekend."
Snape grimaced and crossed his arms as he stared at the fireplace. "It's just…It's just that every time I have to touch her, in the back of my mind, I see that annoying frizzball of an eleven-year old with her hand extended so far into the air that you'd be worried it would detach and float away, and I just want it to be over with as quickly as it can."
"And that's exactly what you need to tell her," she nodded.
"What – that she was annoying?" he attempted a smirk. "She's well aware of that already."
Minerva narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Don't make me hit you."
"I can't tell her any of this," he sighed. "I've given her enough to hide from the Dark Lord."
"That's what's bothering you the most, isn't it?" the witch asked. A small smile crossed her face. "I think you can rest a little easier, Severus. Albus has been bent-out-of-shape for the past month over the fact that she keeps shutting him out of her head entirely."
"But there's a difference between Albus's sickeningly-polite probing, and the Dark Lord's," he countered. "The Dark Lord does not care about subtlety. He will tear his way through your mind with as much force as he can manage and rip the memories from you with little regard for your mental or physical well-being. If he can extract tears or screams from you along with whatever he's looking for, so much the better for him."
Her eyes widened exponentially and she started twisting the fabric of her night robes. "Is there anything you can do…to…to better prepare her for that?"
Severus took in a deep breath and picked at his fingernail. "Not without duplicating the conditions myself."
He glanced up at her with a pointed gaze. "I will not do that. I've scarred her enough for ten lifetimes. I don't need to add to it."
The deputy headmistress closed her eyes and shook her head nervously. "I would never ask you to do that, Severus."
He nodded slowly and leaned back against the settee.
She let him brood for a few minutes before speaking again. "Hermione just needs reassurance from you. She needs to know that she's doing what you want her to do. She needs to know that you trust her.
"No matter how you see her, she isn't just your student any more. She's your partner, whether you like it or not."
The Slytherin Head gave a soft sigh and stood.
"You are the only man she will ever know, Severus. Do not forget that."
His shoulders slumped slightly as he nodded and turned towards the door.
"And the next time she has a late night breakdown, you are going to deal with it on your own. Because if you interrupt my sleep again for anything short of an emergency, you will be assigned to every Hogsmeade weekend for the entirety of your employment."
Snape snorted as he pulled open the door. "How fortunate that my life is likely to expire shortly."
"If you really believed that," she called out as he stepped into the hall, "you wouldn't have bothered to come here."
As the door shut with a click, Minerva rolled her eyes and pushed out of her chair.
"Idiot."
X x x x x x x x X x x x x x x x X
Severus let out a deep breath as he crossed the moonlit grounds in the direction of the lake. After thinking about it, he knew that Minerva was right. Hermione was carrying so many damning memories in her head that surely one more could not do any more harm.
As he neared the collection of boulders, the shivering form atop the largest rock glanced suddenly in his direction.
"What do you want?" she whispered when he stood beside her.
He sighed upon seeing the shiny tracks of tears still upon her cheeks. "I would like to speak with you."
Hermione frowned and tried to fight off another round of shivers as she shoved the amethyst necklace back under her shirt. "Then speak."
He opened his mouth to talk, but then noticed how tightly she had wrapped her robes around her. He remembered the thin fabric of her pajamas and scowled. With a sigh, he unfastened his outer robes, and draped them across her shoulders.
The girl looked up at him in surprise, but pulled them tighter around her frame. Taking that as a good sign, he silently cast a warming charm upon the rock and faced her.
"Miss Granger, I need you to understand that I don't….that I don't…." He paused, trying to figure out what to say. When he noticed that she was staring at him expectantly, he finally managed to stumble over his words. "I don't think of you as anything that even resembles a prostitute."
He felt like a complete dunderhead standing there, but when a trace of a smile crossed her face, he decided not to dwell on it.
Hermione wiped at her eyes and sniffled. "Well, as awkward as that sounds… Thank you. I really shouldn't have yelled at you. I just couldn't hold it in any longer."
Snape shook his head. "It's not as though you have anyone else to yell at."
"Not exactly, no," she sighed, resting her chin on her knees.
A few minutes passed in which they both stared silently at the dark water. Eventually, the Potions Master cleared his throat.
"This isn't easy for me, either," he stated quietly.
The young witch inhaled deeply and nodded against her knees.
"To be perfectly honest," he continued, "I think I would prefer dealing with a werewolf if I were in your position."
She winced as she looked up at the nearly full moon, and then replaced her chin on her knees. "I didn't really mean that. It just kind of slipped out."
"It is of no matter," the man responded. "How is your leg healing?"
"Fine, I think." Hermione absently rubbed the spot on the side of her thigh. "It's stopped itching at any rate."
He nodded and then glanced back at the castle. "It is quite late, Miss Granger. You should get some rest, seeing as you are required to deal with a werewolf in a few hours."
The girl gave a tearful laugh and squeezed her eyes shut. "Don't remind me. You wouldn't happen to have any pointers as to how to keep him from staring at me, would you?"
"I have several suggestions," he smirked, "none of which, however, will I tell you."
"It was worth the attempt," she muttered, taking his extended hand and accepting his help as she descended from the boulder.
"Indeed." She made a move to return his robes, but he shook his head. "There's still a bit of a walk, and it's not getting any warmer."
"I suppose I should remember to grab my jumper the next time I have an emotional breakdown," the girl mumbled as she started in the direction of the castle.
Severus snorted in disbelief and moved to catch up to her. They had been walking for several paces when she hesitantly opened her mouth.
"Professor?"
He grunted in response, and she continued.
"Could you stop giving me full marks?"
"What?" he asked, stopping suddenly.
She sighed and crossed her arms. "You've given me an 'O' on every assignment so far. And since you've never done that before, it makes me feel cheap. Like I'm sleeping with you to get a better grade. I just want to get the marks I've actually earned."
"My apologies," he stated. "I had not considered that."
"Thank you," she whispered as they continued walking.
When they reached the castle entry, Hermione slipped out of his robes and handed them back to him. He accepted them without a word and proceeded to follow her up to the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.
"Goodnight, Miss Granger," he stated a few yards shy of the Fat Lady's portrait.
As he turned to leave, she called out to him. "Wait, Professor!"
He turned around with a raised brow.
The girl shifted nervously on her feet and looked at him with anticipation. "Are you going to take away points? I'm pretty sure I was just out past curfew."
Severus looked at her in utter astonishment. When he had recovered a few minutes later, he straightened his shoulders. "Two points from Gryffindor."
"Only two?"
"Two points," he repeated, "and a detention. Report to my classroom promptly at seven o'clock tonight."
"But it's Thursday," she whined. "I'm supposed to meet with you anyway."
Snape feigned innocence as he shrugged and spun away from her. "Good night, Miss Granger."