A/N: Thank you all for the patience and continued reviews! It's been so hectic trying to get everything re-established on the other side of the country, but I'm slowly getting used to it.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts!
Bound to Him
Chapter 76
"Aunt Bella has to be there? To witness it?" Draco asked, losing all color as he sank onto the wooden chair in Snape's office.
Severus nodded. "The Dark Lord has decreed it."
"That means we have to… to plan it ahead of time."
"And we have but one attempt," his Head of House added. "It must be successful, or we will all pay the consequences."
"So it will have to be… a direct assault?" the boy asked quietly.
"It will."
Hermione, perched on a stool at the edge of Snape's desk, swallowed nervously as she watched the emotions play out on the pureblood's face. His features took on a green tinge as he pulled at his tie and rapidly gulped down air.
Without a word, Severus stood from his chair and moved around the desk. He placed one hand on Draco's head, pressing it down toward his knees, while pulling forward the rubbish bin with his other. "Deep breaths. If you must vomit, ensure it goes in the bin."
The professor briefly caught Hermione's concerned gaze before he leaned back against his desk. A tense silence ensued as they waited for the boy to regain his equanimity. Eventually, Draco heaved in a loud breath and returned to an upright position. "Sir… what if I can't?"
"If you cannot manage it, I will step in and complete the task. The Dark Lord has commanded me to do so."
Malfoy's eyes widened, and he jerked in his seat. "But if I fail, I will die! My mother will die! How can –"
"Silence!" Snape growled, crossing his arms. "The Dark Lord never expected you to succeed. That has been obvious since he assigned you this venture. But he does want it accomplished. Otherwise, he would not have instructed me to assist you."
"But if I don't…"
The spy exhaled slowly and leaned forward. "The Dark Lord cannot risk reducing his own numbers, and so long as he is not in a foul mood, he likely will not act rashly. If he is pleased, as he would be in the event of the Headmaster's demise, he could be convinced that you are worth more to him alive. Demonstrate an effort in this assault, and I will do my best to protect you."
"And what about my mother?" Draco whispered. "He said he would kill her."
"I will try to protect her as well. She has more knowledge of Healing than do most of the Dark Lord's followers, which I can use to argue her worth." Severus paused momentarily, studying the boy's disbelieving expression. "I shall not lie to you, Draco. I do not foresee you coming out of this entirely unscathed. The Dark Lord did assign you this task, after all, to punish your father. But… if all goes well… I should have enough favor to spare your lives. And if I do have it, I give you my word that I will use it."
Hermione suppressed the urge to fidget as she watched them stare at one another. Her stomach twisted at the anguish and defeat clearly visible in Malfoy's countenance and posture.
Blinking quickly, Draco dropped his gaze to his lap. "I don't think I can do it. Not… I mean, poison was one thing, but…"
Snape placed a hand on the chair's armrest. "Then I will do it. Make some degree of effort that I can provide to the Dark Lord's as evidence of your potential usefulness, and I will ensure its' completion."
The younger wizard looked to the man's hand and then slowly raised his head. After a moment, he asked, "Have you killed anyone before?"
The man flicked his eyes to Hermione before clearing his throat. "The Dark Lord is under the impression that I have… but no. Not directly."
"Then how do you know you can do it?"
He stiffened and pulled himself upright. "Because I have to."
Draco swallowed slowly and then frowned. "But, then, shouldn't I…"
"No." Severus moved forward and knelt down in front of the boy's chair. "Draco… My life is all but forfeit now. My existence has always been hated. Yours has not. I can withstand the hatred which will accompany the title of murderer. I do not believe you can. You have far more potential than I ever had. I cannot allow you to squander it."
"What potential?" he scoffed, shaking his head angrily. "Whatever I might have had, Father pissed it away. For nothing!"
With a heavy sigh, the professor rubbed his face and rose to his feet. Squeezing Draco's shoulder, he made his way back to his own chair.
After another long stretch of silence, Malfoy shifted in his chair. "When are we doing this?"
"Since your aunt has demanded she join us, I think it best that we minimize temptation," Snape replied. "The majority of students will be out of the castle for the Spring holiday."
"But that's next week!"
"I realize this, yes. We will delay until the end of holiday."
Draco huffed and rubbed both hands over his face. "How exactly are you planning to bring in Aunt… to bring in Bellatrix and the others? I can't imagine you could just waltz them in through the front door with the Aurors around."
"I admit that I have not thought that through to completion yet." The Slytherin Head scratched an eyebrow before leaning back into his chair. "Through the Shrieking Shack, I can get them onto the grounds. But as for entering the castle…"
The blonde pinched his lips together in contemplation. "What about that room you and Scarhead used?"
Hermione, startled somewhat by the question since he had been all but ignoring her presence thus far, gave a small cough. "The Room of Requirement, you mean?"
"Whatever it's called."
"Erm," she mumbled, glancing to Severus. "I don't know if you can use it to form an entrance. I suppose it could be possible."
"Possibly," Snape shrugged. "I doubt I possess any further understanding of the mechanisms of that Room than you do, Granger. If anyone were to knowledge of its intricacies, it would be the Headmaster."
Draco snorted bitterly. "Well, that sounds like a brilliant plan."
"I was not suggesting that course of action. It was naught but an observation, Mr. Malfoy, and I would thank you to watch your tone –"
"What about the other tunnel?" Hermione asked, having thought back on the reference to the Shrieking Shack and unaware of what she was interrupting.
"What other tunnel?" Severus snapped, swinging a warning look in her direction. 'You had better not be referring to the escape tunnel under the Black Lake.'
'Not that tunnel, no.' Taking in a deep breath, she tucked her hair behind her ear. "From Hogsmeade. There's the one from the Shrieking Shack, yes, but there's also one that leads from the castle to Honeydukes."
"What?" he asked in surprise. "Where?"
Draco raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in his chair. "How do you know that if he doesn't?"
"Erm… It's on the map Harry has, and the Weasley twins often used it to…" She glanced sheepishly at the Potions Master. "To smuggle in sweets."
Snape scowled and crossed his arms. "They did what?"
Hermione flushed but ignored his question. "The tunnel starts at the One-Eyed Witch and comes out in the cellar of Honeydukes. There are other tunnels, apparently, but I don't know where their entrances or exits are."
Pinching his brow in frustration, the spy huffed. "I presume this is how Black managed to secret himself into the castle?"
When she nodded, Draco frowned. "But then wouldn't Dumbledore and the Aurors know about it?"
"I suppose it's possible," she sighed.
"That may be giving them more credit than they deserve," Severus muttered. "I do not believe Black ever divulged his port of entry, since the Headmaster has not seen fit to alert any of the staff to the tunnel's existence. And Potter certainly has not revealed it to anyone of authority seeing as doing so would interfere with his ability to abuse the rules."
The blonde snorted loudly.
Rolling her eyes, Hermione folded her arms to her chest. "We're presently plotting how to smuggle in a handful of Death Eaters so the two of you can assassinate the Headmaster, and you're bothered by the fact students sneak into a sweet shop after dark?"
"Principle of the thing," Draco muttered. "You Gryffindors claim to be so morally superior to Slytherin House, yet the lot of you think nothing of breaking school rules or stealing from honest, hardworking villagers?"
"It's not stealing!" she argued. "They leave payment."
"Oh, do they?" His face clearly displayed his skepticism. "You're absolutely certain of that?"
"Yes!"
"So you've gone with them, then? You've personally witnessed the money being left behind?"
An exasperated puff of air escaped the witch. "Well, no… but I know –"
"You assume," Malfoy corrected.
"No, I –"
"Right, because you're all such paragons of virtue simply because some moldy, disintegrating hat stuck you in that House."
"The Hat put us in Gryffindor because –"
"Because you're brash enough to think you belong there."
"What?"
Draco's eyes brightened exponentially. "Don't tell me you don't know that the Hat often gives you your preference! It's the worst kept secret in Hogwarts."
"That's beside the point."
"Is it? You're awfully good at lying, Granger. How well does that align with –"
"Enough!" Snape snapped, standing from his chair and leaning his weight over his hands on the desk. "We don't have the time for two of you to continue your childish bickering. Despite the fact it has been my experience that the most virtuous of children tend to find themselves in Hufflepuff, this is all irrelevant to the matter at hand. What we need to do is determine whether or not the Honeydukes tunnel is a viable option."
Feeling properly shamed, Hermione sank back on her stool. "Right. Of course. I'm sorry… sir."
The professor eyed Draco darkly until the boy mumbled a similar apology, straightened to his full height, and then swung his gaze back to the girl. "Where exactly is this passage?"
"The statue of the One-Eyed Witch –"
"The fuck is that?" Draco interrupted.
"Language, Mr. Malfoy," Severus hissed, crossing his arms. "I imagine you're referring to Gunhilda of Gorsemoor, whose statue resides on third floor?"
"Yes."
"Oh," the boy mumbled. "That one-eyed witch."
Hermione took in a deep breath. "Anyway, the password is 'dissendium', and when you give it, the hump opens up. There's a short slide down to the tunnel. It takes about an hour to walk to Honeydukes."
"Before we attempt to examine it, we'll need to account for the whereabouts of staff and Aurors, especially," Snape stated.
"And Harry," she added. "He'll be more than suspicious if he notices either of you entering the tunnel."
"I'm ready to burn that blasted map!" the professor grumbled, moving to stand behind his chair.
Draco glanced between the two of them. "What map?"
The witch hesitated briefly before clearing her throat. "It's a map that shows the location of everyone in the castle and on Hogwarts grounds."
"What?" he exclaimed, launching out of his seat. "Potter has that?! He's been using it to spy on me, hasn't he? That's how he's been following me! He keeps showing up no matter where I go in the castle."
She winced and nodded.
"Fuck's sake." Draco snaked a hand through his hair. "What if he's watching right now? What does he think we're doing?"
Severus pressed his fingertips into his forehead. "Having retrieved Granger from her parents' home, where her father is exceptionally ill, I summoned you here, as her boyfriend, so you might provide her some comfort. Seeing as your relationship must be concealed from the general public and given that I do not trust you not to resort to more physical methods of consoling your significant other, I am providing adequate supervision."
"I thought your parents were dead?"
The small smirk that had made its way onto Hermione's face immediately vanished.
"As far as Potter knows, they are both still alive," Snape replied calmly. "Though, that will now be questionable in regards to her father as we needed a reason to excuse her recent absence."
Malfoy swallowed slowly as he glanced back at the witch who was frowning down at her trembling hands. "I'm…erm.. sorry about that."
Hermione, forcing herself out of a memory from the weekend, lifted her eyes and whispered a word of gratitude.
The pureblood blew out a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. "So… just what does he think the two of you have been doing?"
Severus fixed him with a dark glare. "As the map was created by a group of deplorable students, it only depicts areas they were able to access. The personal living quarters of staff members, thus, are not included, nor are they monitored. Thus, it is only when we meet in here or other academic areas that he would notice our names together, and that has been explained away by my providing her private tutoring in defense."
Draco grunted under his breath in response and looked to one of the shelves of pickled specimens. "What do I need to do now?"
"Keep your head down for the next few days and do your damnedest not to draw extra attention. I will find out what I can about the Aurors' patrols and staff rotations. When I determine the best time for you and I to test the tunnel, Granger will keep Potter occupied," he replied, turning his gaze to the girl.
Hermione nodded and rubbed her shoulder. "I could try to nick the map. It would help you to know where everyone is."
"If you think you can manage it. You'll still have to distract Potter to prevent him noticing its absence, however."
"Right. I'll think of something." With a sigh, the girl closed her eyes and contemplated how she might keep Harry busy for a few hours. Homework certainly would not work, but more than likely she could tempt him into another dueling session. That would mean, though, that she would have to keep control of herself enough to throw hexes and jinxes at him without letting anything darker slip through. She had been too afraid of even using her wand since the duel with Dolohov that she had remained hidden away in Severus's quarters through all of her Monday classes. She felt confident enough to resume normal spellwork for her courses, but dueling practice was an entirely different matter.
'You will be fine. If I can manage not to curse that little snotball into a dozen pieces, so can you.'
Her eyes flashed to Severus as he dismissed Draco for the night. When it was just the two of them again, he cleared his throat. "If you are that concerned about it, I would recommend a Calming Draught before you start. It will take the edge off."
"Thank you," she whispered. After a moment, Hermione slipped off of her stool and moved toward where he stood.
The wizard begrudgingly allowed her to unfold his arms and tuck herself into his robes. Eventually, he sighed and slipped one arm about her frame. "Are you alright?"
"Are you?" she countered, looking up at him.
He shrugged and stared to the side.
Pinching her lips together, Hermione gingerly trailed her fingers around the buttons of his frock coat. "I want to be there with you, you know. When you have to…"
Snape stiffened and shook his head. "No. I don't want you there."
The witch let out a disappointed breath and ducked her head. "I know."
'Not just because of Bellatrix.'
Hermione's head snapped up at the sound of his voice over her thoughts. 'What do you mean?'
His eyes remained trained on the wall and his lips stayed firmly pressed together. 'I don't want you to see it.'
Given how horrid she had felt about casting the Cruciatus in front of him, the girl understood why he would not wish to have her witness his use of the Killing Curse.
Finally trusting his voice, Severus cleared his throat. "If things were to go pear-shaped, it would be better for you and your parents to be missing, presumed dead than for your death to raise questions about your loyalty. If they were to determine the nature of our bond, Potter and Weasley will very likely discount everything you've told them."
"You mean if you're killed," she whispered.
"Or imprisoned." He rubbed his face slowly. "Do you want to visit your parents once more before –"
"You really think we're going to die!" Hermione exclaimed, grabbing onto his robes.
Snape closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. "I don't know. There exists a very real possibility that I won't make it past the wards."
With McGonagall's words echoing in her memory, the witch squared her shoulders and tugged on his coat sharply enough to draw his attention to her face. Locking eyes with him, she raised her chin and spoke clearly. "You will. I know you will."
The man held her gaze for several seconds before letting out a slow breath. "Nevertheless, I may not be able to take you again after I publicly pledge allegiance to the Dark Lord."
Hermione frowned in confusion before recalling he had tried to ask her about seeing her parents. "I understand."
"Well?" He raised one eyebrow.
She released her hold on his clothes and wrapped one arm across her chest. "I don't know. I… I mean it was so nice to spend Christmas with them, and part of me wants to jump at the chance to see them again."
"But?"
"But… another part doesn't want to… to replace that happy last memory." Taking in a deep breath, she blinked back the urge to cry. "How can I truly enjoy being with them when I'll be worrying about what will happen here? I can't pretend that things are okay anymore. I can't… I don't want them to worry any more than they are already, but if I can't hide my concern from them… and then… how do I leave them again? I don't know if I can handle saying good-bye again."
Severus nodded in understanding. "There are a few days before I need to know whether or not to plan a trip to Bakersfield Cottage. You may think on it before you decide."
"Thank you," she replied, touching his arm.
"As for the other matter," he murmured. "As it has been more than a fortnight, we should be able to detect whether or not you conceived."
Hermione drew back her hand as though it had been burned and hurriedly turned around, accidently ramming her thigh into the corner of his desk. Cursing under her breath, she rubbed her leg and tried to convince herself that the tears pricking at her eyes were solely due to the injury.
"Hermione…"
"No!" she snapped, standing upright. "I can't deal with that right now."
"Hermione, this isn't something that we can put off!" he argued. "If you are pregnant, I need to start preparing to brew the necessary potions. That takes time, which we don't happen to have a lot of. Furthermore, the longer you wait, the more danger you place yourself in if –"
"I KNOW!" Covering her face after yelling at him, the witch took in a number of deep breaths. "I know we don't have much time, but… I just can't deal with that tonight. Not after everything else."
Snape sighed and grabbed onto the back of his chair. "Fine, then. We'll check tomorrow. After supper."
"Fine." Hermione wiped at her eyes and straightened her robes. "Good night, then."
Swiftly, she spun on her heel and strode out of the office, allowing the door to shut loudly behind her.
Her rational mind knew he was right. She knew they needed to determine if she was pregnant as soon as possible, and she knew that if she was they would have to terminate it. But her emotional side – which before had been mostly wistful or sad – was angry. Seething, really.
How can he be so cold about it? So clinical? He didn't even get upset when I told him about the possibility! It's just something to be checked and then taken care of before we move on to other things. A minor complication to be resolved. Nothing to care about, apparently. How could he not care about a possible pregnancy?
Why would he care about that? Hermione stopped cold at the base of the staircase. You're just the girl he raped in front of the Dark Lord. The girl whose freedom he stole. The girl he continued to rape until you decided you liked it. He feels guilty about hurting you. He swore to protect you. He didn't promise anything about protecting a baby. Instead he was adamant that there would never be any. So why would he care? He wouldn't. To him, it isn't anything more than another threat to your safety.
But, then again, why do you care? He's just the man who raped you. The man who stole your freedom. The man who hurt you. He chose the Dark Lord and the Order over you. Why would you even consider having a child with him? What is wrong with –
"Hermione?"
"WHAT?" she hissed, yanking away from the gentle grip on her shoulder. Narrowly avoiding drawing her wand, she found herself staring into the concerned face of Remus Lupin. Damn it! Why is he always following me?
"Are you alright?"
Hermione blew out a long breath and smoothed her hands over her hair. "I'm… fine. Sorry, I just… got lost in my head for a minute."
The werewolf nodded once before eyeing her carefully. "How is your father doing?"
"He's…" She paused and looked away. She hated having to lie about her parents. "It's not good."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Remus said softly. "But you've decided to come back to school?"
"For the week, yes. I didn't want to miss exams." The witch heaved in a breath. "But I will be returning to be with him during holiday…whenever Snape or Professor McGonagall can take me there, at least."
"Ah. I take it Severus was the one to fetch you then?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes. Not long ago. He let me see, erm, you know, for a bit, too."
Lupin straightened and glanced down the corridor before smirking. "Your particular friend?"
"Yes," she replied, refusing to return any manner of smile. "If you would excuse me, Professor, I need to make it up to Gryffindor Tower before curfew."
"Of course. Would you like me to –"
"No," she interrupted, hustling up a few steps before glancing back at him. "I'll be fine on my own."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Ohhh, fuck me," Severus groaned after the door slammed shut. Wearily, he sank into his chair and held his head in one hand. A shite job you made of that, then.
He had not intended to upset her by bringing up the issue, but honestly, now was the time to deal with it. It would take two days to brew the necessary abortifacient, and though he dreaded admitting it to Poppy, it would be best to have a fully trained Healer monitoring the process. The longer they delayed this, the longer they would have to wait until he was comfortable leaving Hermione on her own in the cabin. Furthermore, if they waited more than a few days, it would remove any possibility of her seeing her parents again even if she should decide she wished to.
Growling loudly, the wizard tugged on his hair. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
He knew Hermione was angry with him. There was no need to un-silence their connection again to recognize that; it was more than evident in her voice, her body language, and her reactions. While he understood why she could be upset, it was frustrating to not know what else to say. He had explained why they would have to terminate it, and she had even acknowledged that running was not a viable option. It was a tempting prospect – to disappear, leave everyone else to fight the war, and start over as a family – but it could never turn out well. His nightmares may not have been real, but they were likely closer to the reality they would face should they choose themselves over their assignment.
With a deep sigh, Snape leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes. Undoubtedly, the after effects of casting the Cruciatus were still toying with her emotions, but she could hardly remain back from class again. If Potter was as obsessed with monitoring Draco on the map, he would have seen that Hermione had already "returned" to the castle. Hopefully, she would be able to bring herself under regulation before she wound up hexing some first year who was unfortunate enough to bump into her in the corridor. He would wait a while, then, and have the sycophantic little elf deliver a few potions which might temporarily assist her in keeping her composure.
A knock at the door caused him to scowl. "Enter."
"Good evening, Severus," Lupin greeted, slipping into the office and closing the door.
"What do you want, wolf?"
"Are you alright, Severus? You look…"
Snape briefly popped open one eye to glare at him.
Deciding it was better to not voice the rest of his observation, Remus cleared his throat and instead sat down in the chair.
"I don't recall inviting you to sit on my furniture."
The Defense instructor smirked in response. "Has teenage drama reduced you to this sad state?"
Grumbling under his breath, Severus opened his eyes and crossed his arms.
"I ran into Hermione on the staircase just now," Remus explained. "She mentioned you had allowed her to visit with the Malfoy boy."
A shrug was his only response.
"That was… rather nice of you, you know."
"You must be mistaken, Lupin," the Slytherin murmured. "I have it on good authority that I am never nice."
"Well, there's a time for everything," Lupin countered.
"Did you venture down here for a reason, or did you just want to…chit-chat?"
The Gryffindor sighed and shifted in his chair. "I thought I might ask you about Harry."
"Oh, goodie. More teenage drama." Severus rubbed his face and leaned against the armrest. "What startling insight do you think I can provide you regarding The Boy Wonder?"
Remus frowned. "I recognize that you and Harry do not like one another, but I would appreciate it if you would refrain from –"
"Lupin, you are in my office. I have very little room for patience on the best of days, and this, I promise you, is far from the best of days. What exactly do you want to know about Potter?"
"I… I'm not exactly sure how to ask this, or, for that matter, if you're the one I should be speaking with…"
"For fuck's sake, Lupin," Snape snarled, crossing his arms. "Either ask your question or leave me to finish writing my exams."
The other man nodded, leaning forward. "What… what do you know about his home life?"
Severus raised one eyebrow.
"I just thought… I mean, you were friends with Lily. I wondered if you knew much about her sister. All I know is that James took issue with her, but after…"
"You mean you're wondering whether he took issue with her for the same fuck-witted reasons he took issue with me," the spy surmised. "I cannot say either way, but the Petunia Evans I knew was… spoiled, ill-tempered when she didn't get her way, and rather preoccupied with being seen as the perfect child. She and Lily had been close until Lily started demonstrating magic, until I showed her how to use her magic. Petunia disliked me exceedingly and would censure Lily for wanting to be freakish like me. We discovered later, though, that she was upset that she did not have the same abilities that we did. Even wrote a letter to the Headmaster, begging to attend Hogwarts with Lily.
"I do not know much about how she matured. I saw the announcements of her engagement and marriage in the papers, but beyond that, I do not have any knowledge of Vernon Dursley. He wasn't a local. I'm not sure how or where she managed to ensnare him, but I would likely assume she chose him for financial stability more than anything else. The Evanses, while better situated than my own family, were not terribly well off."
"Yes, James had, erm, mentioned that once or twice."
"How shocking," Snape sneered. "Anyway, Petunia always wanted better, which is partially why she wished Lily would have kicked me aside sooner than she did. You would probably have a better idea of how close Lily was to her sister before she… died."
Remus pondered the information for a few minutes and then sat back in his chair. "When you were trying to teach him Occlumency, did you see anything that might give any indication of how he lived with the Dursleys?"
"Contrary to what you may assume, Lupin, I was not keen to dig around in the boy's head. I pulled on memories at random, faster than I could process what they were, but enough to show him what was possible if he were to continue without protecting his mind."
"But you told me yourself, Severus. You're a spy. It's your job to observe. Surely, you must have noticed something!"
Glaring, the Slytherin forced himself to mentally revisit the Occlumency lessons he had given Potter. "I don't recall seeing more than a glimpse of Petunia or her husband. I saw far more of his friends, pictures of his parents, of you and Black, of the Weasleys… Quidditch… the Tri-Wizard Cup… Diggory's death… flashes of the Dark Lord."
"What –"
"I did not press on those," Snape stated. "Until he could demonstrate that he could shield his mind, I was not about to risk my position by investigating what images may or may not have been sent from the Dark Lord, or what was a result of Potter's imagination. And I did not think it prudent to force the boy to watch his classmate die more than he already has. I tried to stick to more mundane emotions."
"I appreciate you doing so." Remus scratched the back of his head. "Do you not think it odd you didn't see more of the Dursleys? They've been in his life more than anyone."
Resisting the urge to make a comment about fleas, the Potions Master reflected upon the question. "I suppose it could be considered strange. Though one could also argue that they would be less prominent given that they are not as novel to him as those of you in the Wizarding World."
"I suppose so. Though, that doesn't explain why he dreads returning home."
"Back to the Muggles where he isn't lauded as the Boy-Who-Lived? Color me surprised."
Lupin shook his head. "Harry isn't like that."
"No? The little narcissist who threw a hissy fit because Granger did not ask his permission to befriend Draco isn't like that?" Snape pressed. "The brat who breaks dozens of school rules, putting other students' lives in jeopardy, only to be rewarded with things no other student could even dream of achieving without showing the slightest inkling of gratitude isn't like that?"
"That's hardly fair, Severus."
"Hardly fair? I assure you, wolf, the Potter genes run deep in our young savior. What a shock it is that you appear blind to his faults as well."
"I'm not blind to his faults!" Remus snarled, pushing out of his chair. "He's impulsive, and reckless… and thinks he's his own authority!"
The Potions Master stealthily slipped his wand into his hand as he watched the werewolf pace in front of his desk. He recalled being slammed into the blackboard and bathroom floor months earlier, and was not about to repeat the experience. "As I've said, he takes after his father."
"Funny, I was going to say he takes after you!" the man shouted.
Severus narrowed his eyes. "I beg your pardon."
Lupin let out a shuddering sigh and shook his head. "I meant… I did not, by any means, mean to imply that you were Harry's father –"
"I should fucking hope not! My child will never…" The spy trailed off, uncertain of what he meant to protest. Exist, I guess. My child will never exist.
"—just that it seems the both of you exhibit similar characteristics," Remus continued on, oblivious to his colleague's brief distraction. "You both take on more than you should. Neither of you seem to care what happens to yourself. You're stubborn, independent, and even as young children you refused to ask for assistance from staff –"
Snape forced himself to focus on what the Defense instructor was saying. "That is hardly the same thing. Potter flouted authority because he thought himself above it."
"And what did you do?"
"I didn't go running to the staff every time the four of you were Snivvelus-hunting because I knew no one would give a shit," he snapped, standing up to meet the man eye-to-eye. "The only one who showed any hint of concern about me was Poppy, and I avoided her whenever possible because I didn't want to give you lot the satisfaction of knowing your hexes hit their mark. My own Head of House declared I was being too sensitive the one time I took Lily's advice to report you fecking nobheads, so I handled you on my own!
"That is not the case with Potter! He's the fucking Chosen One! Every single member of staff would willingly throw down their own life – myself included – to protect his. No, he did not refuse assistance because he distrusted everyone; he refused it because his arrogance lead him to believe he did not require it! That is not the same."
Lupin breathed deeply and focused on a spot on the desk blotter. "Don't you think that your past experiences with… with us… have colored your opinion of Harry?"
His eyes widened. "Is that why you came down here? To accuse me of prejudice?"
"No, that's not why I came," the man sighed. "I… I apologize. I really did come to get your opinion of the Dursleys, and whether you thought they might have… I don't know."
"Might have mistreated him, you mean?" Severus muttered, forcing himself to reign in his temper. "Do you honestly think the Headmaster would allow his precious Potter to be abused or neglected? Or Minerva, for that matter?"
"No, of course not. But what if…. What if they didn't know?"
The Slytherin raised one eyebrow. "How could they not know?"
"Well, did you tell anyone that you –"
Bristling, Snape stabbed his desk with his pointer finger as he spoke over the rest of the question. "I don't know what it is you think you know about my childhood, but Albus Dumbledore has that house warded to the point he can probably calculate the frequency with which Petunia farts. How could he possibly be unaware of any mistreatment?"
"You're probably right," Remus muttered, nodding his head. "Thank you, Severus. Again, I apologize for… for upsetting you. This has just been weighing on my mind for a few days now. I've been counseling Harry recently, and I just… something felt off. It's been impossible really to get Harry to open up to me about –"
"Well, I can't say I'm the least bit surprised," he interrupted.
"What do you mean?"
Severus shook his head in frustration and crossed his arms again. "In the past two years, Potter not only witnessed the death of his classmate, but also that of his godfather. He's personally faced the Dark Lord on both occasions, and, if I'm not mistaken, suffered under the Cruciatus. Undoubtedly, the Headmaster has extended himself to the boy to provide emotional support, but given your relationship with his father and Black, it's highly likely he expected you to play the ever faithful hound. And if that's the case, one might wonder…where you were."
"I see." A hard glint came into the greying wizard's eyes, and he sharply turned away. Patting his hand on the back of the chair, he took in a deep breath and glanced back over his shoulder. "You know, Severus, had Dumbledore been aware of your home situation, I'm certain he would have helped you."
The Potions Master gnashed his teeth together as he watched his former classmate calmly move toward the door. He knew the statement had been issued in retaliation for his suggesting Lupin was to blame for some of Potter's attitude, but his competitiveness refused to let the wolf have the parting shot. Steadying himself, he cleared his throat.
"You know, Lupin… that night in fifth year, when Black sent me down that tunnel…"
Remus froze with his hand on the doorknob.
"After Potter had a surprising crisis of conscience and proved he wasn't quite the sociopath Black was by yanking me back just in the nick of time, the Headmaster summoned the three of us directly into his office. Black was slapped on the wrist, given a week's worth of detention. Potter was praised for his actions, given an award for special service to the school, and moved to the top of the list for Head Boy."
Severus took in a slow breath. "And as I stood there, frightened out of my head for the first time since I started Hogwarts, the Headmaster turned to me and told me that I should be grateful for Potter's quick thinking and bravery for without it, my venturing out of bounds after curfew would have been a lethal mistake. He made me thank Potter for saving my life, lectured me on why school rules were there for our safety, and then – because he felt that your life was worth more than mine – he swore me to silence regarding the whole matter. But yes, I'm sure he would have cared that my father sought to beat the magic out of me."
Lupin slowly turned around; a horrified expression on his face. "How… why did you agree?"
"I swore the oath because when I tried to refuse, he considerately explained that my continued enrollment at this institution depended upon my compliance."
The man's mouth fell open.
Tilting his head, Snape continued. "When he revealed to the staff that he had hired you three years ago, you can only imagine the fit I pitched. I did not think it was responsible management to allow a werewolf to roam the halls with children who would not know how to defend themselves. Of course, the rest of the staff thought I was over-reacting at best, being discriminatory at worst. The Headmaster recognized that while you and I had difficulties in the past, it was irrelevant, and since I was so concerned, he assigned me the responsibility of ensuring that you took your monthly potion like a good, little pup.
"And then, you proved me wholly correct, didn't you? Not only did you nearly kill me, yet again, but you nearly killed Granger, Weasley, and the Boy Wonder. And because of that fact, because you came this close to slaughtering Harry Potter, Dumbledore ever so graciously released me from my vow of silence because he knew I would be angry enough to spite the both of you by exposing your secret."
As the other wizard remained frozen in place, Snape laughed bitterly and lifted his palms. "And yet…here you are again. It almost begs the question… whether he expects everyone here to see the end of the year."
Swallowing heavily, Remus ducked his head in shame and silently departed the room.
After the door quietly clicked shut, the Slytherin Head dropped his shoulders and pressed his hands into the desk. As satisfied as he was with sending Lupin away with his tail between his legs, it had come with a price. Closing his eyes, he repeatedly ran through everything he had just revealed. He hated knowing that his former enemy now knew how utterly pathetic his existence had been, but at the same time, he knew that the wolf would be too busy digesting it to focus on Hermione for the rest of the week.
Exhausted, Severus again collapsed into his chair. Thinking about Lupin led to thinking about Potter, which led to thinking about Dumbledore and his upcoming demise, Draco and Narcissa, the Dark Lord, Hermione, her possible pregnancy, his parents, his childhood, and ultimately back to Lupin's concerns about the Dursleys.
With a growl, he swept his arm across the surface of his desk, knocking nearly everything onto the floor with a raucous clatter. Placing his elbows on the desk, he held his head in his hands and blinked away the urge to cry.
What the fuck did I ever do to deserve all of this?
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Pretending to be asleep, Hermione waited until Ginny and Mattie had both gone down to breakfast before slipping out of her bed. She dressed quickly without care for her outfit, threw on her school robes, and grabbed her bag. Noticing the few potion vials that must have appeared on her desk sometime after she had crawled into bed, she paused just long enough to shove them in her pocket before Disillusioning herself, and then crept out of Gryffindor Tower. Not until she reached the library did she remove her concealment charm, and once there she immediately hid herself amongst the stacks.
Severus had told her several weeks prior that, if she was interested, she likely could find something about how magic might affect the soul here. Given the fact she had spent the entire night alternating through crying her eyes out, being irrationally angry with nearly everyone (but especially Snape), and feeling so disgusted with herself that she wanted to vomit, she was more than interested in understanding just what the hell she had done to herself. Granted, some of her emotional upheaval could be explained by –
No. You're not pregnant. Stop thinking you are. If you keep thinking you are, then you will be. So stop it.
Sighing, Hermione dropped her school bag on a chair and moved toward the section she thought might be most likely to hold the information she sought. Granted, she could ask Madam Pince for suggestions, but that likely would involve invoking some degree of suspicion from the old librarian.
Biting her lip, the young witch meandered along the shelves, scanning the titles for anything she thought might be useful. She had just started pulling out a book when she heard her name being called. Worried that her interest in that particular book might be questioned, she shoved it back in line with the others and spun widely on her heel.
"Harry." She tucked her arms against her stomach as she approached her friend.
"Hey," he murmured. "You didn't come to breakfast."
Hermione shook her head. "Not hungry."
"You're back, though."
"Well-spotted."
Harry snickered softly. "Right. I noticed you were back last night, but I didn't see you come through the Common Room."
"You were watching me on the map, I take it?" she sighed. "Yeah, I… I didn't really want to talk about things last night, so I used a Disillusionment charm and snuck in behind a few third years."
"But you could talk about things with Malfoy and Snape?"
"Harry!" she snapped, smacking his arm. With a glare, she withdrew her wand and cast a Muffliato. "Are you trying to get him killed?"
"Relax, Hermione. There isn't anyone else here." The boy slipped out the Marauder's Map to prove his point. "See?"
Hermione glanced down at the parchment briefly before tilting her head. "And I suppose that also tells you whether or not there might be listening charms placed?"
His eyes widened, and he lowered his hands. "I…erm… guess it wouldn't, no. Sorry."
She stared at him pointedly before walking toward the table where she had deposited her bag. He followed her quietly, claiming the seat across from her before repeating his earlier question.
"Harry, please." The witch rubbed her face. "Professor Snape was the one who brought me back to Hogwarts. He begrudgingly offered to let me see Draco before I went up to bed, so I accepted his offer. I mean, it's not like I did much talking."
"Hermione! Why would you even tell me that?"
Snorting at his horrified expression, she leaned back in her chair. "I didn't mean it that way. Merlin's sake, Snape was supervising us the entire time!"
"That was the only thing stopping you from –"
"No, you prat!" she exclaimed, kicking his shin under the table.
He grimaced and rubbed his leg. "Ow."
"You earned it. Mainly I cried, and he sat with me while I did. This weekend was incredibly draining, and I just needed some time to recover."
"Oh. Sorry." Harry gave her a sympathetic smile. "McGonagall said you had a family emergency?"
Subtle, Harry. The girl nodded. "My father is sick. I'm not sure if he'll get better."
"Oh. I'm really sorry, Hermione. Really."
"Thanks," she whispered.
"Is he –"
"Harry, I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind. Everyone is doing what they can, and what happens happens." Hermione sighed and pressed her knuckle into her forehead. "I need to be able to focus to get through the rest of the week. I have exams, you know."
"Don't remind me," Harry grumbled.
"Have you studied?"
He winced and looked away. "I've been a bit busy with other things, Hermione. There are more important things to –"
"More important than your magical training?" she scoffed. "What? You don't have to know how to do things because other people will just do it for you?"
"No. That isn't what I meant, Hermione."
The girl groaned and covered her eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. I didn't get any sleep last night."
"It's alright." He shrugged.
"No, it's not. I shouldn't take out my frustrations on other people."
Harry cleared his throat and leaned against the table. "Well, if you feel like dueling…"
"I probably will. Sometime later this week, maybe?"
"I look forward to it." The boy grinned. "And maybe next week we could –"
"Erm, Harry," Hermione interrupted gently. "I won't be here for much of holiday. I'll be spending the time with my parents."
His face morphed into a frown. "But I need your help here, Hermione."
"What?" Her eyes narrowed into a glare.
"You said you would help me."
"And I have been! I will be! I am helping you!" she argued, standing. "But these are my parents, Harry!"
"And if Voldemort succeeds, they and many other Muggles will probably die. You have to make choices, Hermione. Sacrifices."
"You don't think I know that?" Hermione shook her head in disgust and tightened her shaking hands into fists. Fighting the urge to yell, she yanked her bag out of the chair and leaned over the table. "I assure you, Harry. I have made more choices, more sacrifices than you will ever know! Keep that in mind before you open your mouth next time."
"Hermione, I'm –"
"No, Harry. I don't care if you're about to argue or apologize; I don't want to hear it right now. I am barely holding it together right now, and it's only going to get worse. So, I am going to take the time to deal with what I need to do before I come back to deal with your problems, alright?"
With a huff, the witch spun away from the table and stormed out of the library. Before making her way down to the Hospital Wing, she ducked into an empty alcove and pulled out the potions Severus had sent her. She unstoppered one of the Calming Draughts and consumed it before doing the same with the dose of Wit-Sharpening Potion.
Placing the empty vials back in her pocket, Hermione took in a deep breath and leaned her head back against the stone wall. When her anger receded to a more manageable level and she felt more clear-headed, she ventured back on her way to check in with Madam Pomfrey.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxX
"Severus?" Minerva murmured, leaning over the back of his chair. "I'm heading up to my office now. If you're finished, you're welcome to join."
The wizard nodded once and pushed aside his half-eaten supper before silently falling into step behind her.
Once they were free of the Great Hall, the Deputy Headmistress glanced up at him. "You look even worse than you did this morning."
A few snarky remarks flashed in his head, but Snape failed to find the energy to voice them.
"Well, that isn't an encouraging sign," McGonagall remarked upon his lack of response. "I noticed Remus is uncharacteristically sullen today as well. Did the two of you fall back on old habits again?"
Severus sighed and looked up to the top of the staircase they were climbing. "One could say that."
The witch tutted under her breath and shook her head. "Dare I ask who won this round?"
"I don't believe there was a winner."
"If your beaten expressions are anything to go by, I would have to agree with you." She chuckled sadly as she stepped into her office and held the door open for him. "Now, what was it you needed?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "I was hoping you would be willing to cast the pregnancy detection charm. I don't know it, and I don't wish to involve Poppy unless it is absolutely required."
"Oh!" Minerva touched her face and then nodded. "Of course. Is Hermione available, or is she working in the infirmary tonight?"
"I suggested she take the night off," Snape replied. "I can ask her to join us when she's ready."
She nodded and gestured toward the Floo. "Have her come to my quarters. We might as well be more comfortable. Of course, she's welcome to come through here instead of walking the entire way."
When they moved into her sitting room, McGonagall shooed Malina out of the armchair and sat down. "Have a seat, Severus. I have the feeling there's something else you want to discuss."
The man sighed and sank onto the sofa. After a moment, he turned to face her. "What do you know about the Dursleys?"
"Potter's relatives? Oh, probably no more than anyone else in the Order knows."
Snape shook his head. "I don't believe you. I can't imagine you allowing Potter to be tossed on their doorstep without having some knowledge of their suitability."
"Albus deposited him with a little more grace than that, you know," she commented. "But, you're right. I monitored them as best I could before Potter was left with them."
"And?"
The woman snorted tiredly. "I believe I tried to convince Albus that they were the worst sort of Muggles."
The wizard noticeably stiffened.
"Not… not like that, Severus. I didn't see any signs of physical abuse in the household. Mainly, I was irked that he refused to take my advice to keep Potter in the Wizarding World. That, and his oaf of an uncle threatened to run me over if I didn't get my flea-ridden hide off his drive. I will never understand why so many Muggles dislike cats."
She shook her head and closed her eyes to recall what she could. "Apart from that, he seemed a rather ignorant, boastful sort of man. Proud of himself and having little compassion for the less fortunate. Potter's aunt seemed a bit of a spineless woman, toddling after her husband with his lunch in hand, perfectly coifed and quite obviously putting on a show for the neighbors. She spent the day making sure everything was in its place, gossiping horribly about others on the phone, and catering to her son's every whim. That porky, little tyke clearly was used to getting his way and pitched tantrum upon tantrum."
"Did you ever revisit them after Potter was installed there?"
Minerva coughed lightly and then nodded. "Yes, of course. Not in any official capacity or with any regular frequency because Albus was worried about drawing unwanted attention to the location, but I slunk about their property on occasion. I never saw anything out of the ordinary. Potter was a quiet child, more interested in the natural world around him than in the mountain of toys his cousin always seemed to have accrued. Poor thing about startled out of his shoes when I crept up on him, and so hesitant to pet my head. Quite the opposite from his chunky cousin who yanked on my tail with his grubby paws. And not like his aunt, who chased me off with a broom.
"I did witness Potter and his cousin in a scuffle once over a toy of some sort. Not surprising, though, given the Dursley boy's nature. But the aunt appeared relatively quickly to put an end to the squabble and then sent both lads inside." The witch rubbed her chin and then cleared her throat. "Why do you ask?"
Severus leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Lupin wanted my opinion yesterday on whether it was possible that Potter had been mistreated by his relatives."
"What? Is this what the two of you quarreled over?"
"In part." He grimaced and sat back against the sofa. "Lupin thought it best to present his case by using my childhood for reference."
Closing her eyes briefly in frustration, she reached out to squeeze his arm. "I'm so sorry, Severus. I swear to you I never said anything to –"
The wizard shook his head. "He made the conclusions himself based on a few things I said during the heat of argument."
"I understand why you would be upset. He should not have –"
"I struck back just as hard, so save your outrage," Snape interrupted quietly. "I don't doubt he spent just as sleepless a night as I."
Minerva pinched her lips into a thin line and then returned her hands to her lap. "Well, between that and everything else looming overhead…"
Distractedly rubbing his hands together, he affixed his eyes on the fire. "I dismissed the notion at first, but then… I couldn't help but wonder: what if Lupin was right? What if I only saw what I wanted to?"
"What?" she whispered. "You think it could be possible that Harry Potter was mistreated by the Dursleys?"
"Well, I, for one, think it could be."
The two professors looked over in unison to where Hermione was closing the portrait door behind her. As Snape narrowed his eyes in concern, McGonagall cleared her throat and rose to her feet. "Hermione. I assumed you would come through the Floo. Did Severus not tell you you could?"
"No, he told me," the girl replied stiffly, pointedly not looking in the wizard's direction. "The walk helped clear my mind."
Minerva raised her eyebrows, glancing questioningly between the two of them. "Is everything alright?"
"Fine," the young witch answered.
Severus merely grunted and dropped his eyes to the rug in front of him.
"Clearly, there is something –"
"Why are you asking about Harry and the Dursleys?" Hermione asked, cutting off her Head of House midsentence.
"Oh," the woman sighed, touching the back of her neck. "Remus apparently has raised some concerns."
"Remus is always raising concerns," the girl grumbled while stepping past them to claim the far end of the sofa.
His lip raising in half a smirk, the Slytherin Head studied her face. "Why would you think it possible?"
Hermione took in a deep breath. "I don't know. There have been a few comments Harry's made over the years that have made me question things… or rather, things he doesn't say. Ron and I, we talk about our family all the time, but Harry doesn't. On the rare occasion he does, it's usually about how much something would upset them. Sometimes he seems almost giddy about the prospect, but other times… frustrated or anxious.
"I think his cousin and his friends used to bully him, but I don't know whether his aunt or uncle have been abusive. Neglectful, maybe? I know he hates it there. He was so looking forward to living with Sirius. I tried to tell him that Dumbledore might not allow it, and he practically took my head off for it."
She sighed mournfully, recalling how devastated Harry had been after Sirius's death. After a moment, she continued on. "I know they refused to sign his permission slip for Hogsmeade, but then again, he had blown up his aunt. Well, not really his aunt. And I don't know how many times he's tried to claim that he couldn't get his homework done over summer because his uncle wouldn't let him. I thought he was lying then, but if he was, he was consistent about it."
Her eyes widened suddenly, and she slapped her hand against her thigh. "Oh, but then there were the bars!"
"The bars?" McGonagall questioned, resting her arm against the back of her armchair.
"On his window," Hermione clarified. "George mentioned it to me once that he and Fred and Ron had taken out the flying car one night to rescue Harry because the Dursleys had imprisoned him, or something. I guess they thought the Dursleys might have been starving him at the time, but Mr. and Mrs. Weasley dismissed the idea. They argued that Dumbledore wouldn't let him stay there if it was as bad as all that."
She swallowed nervously upon noticing that both professors were staring at her with horrified expressions on their faces. "You don't think… you don't think it could have been that bad, do you? I mean… oh god, if it was, and I didn't do anything! I just told him to talk to Dumbledore, and Dumbledore just kept sending him back, so I didn't think there could be anything that awful, and that maybe Ron and the twins had just been exaggerating, and…"
Minerva, removing her hand from her mouth, quickly stepped forward and seized hold of the panicking girl. "Hermione, look at me. If it is true – we don't know for certain that it is – it isn't your fault."
"But I didn't –"
"Sssh," the elder witch cooed. "If anyone should have noticed, it should have been me. I am his Head of House. I am responsible for the well-being of my students. You were a child yourself. You couldn't have known."
"I just thought they were neglectful, you know?" Hermione whispered. "I didn't think… I just thought that whenever Harry mentioned his aunt and uncle wouldn't care if he got hurt or died that he was being dramatic."
"It's alright, Hermione." McGonagall stroked the girl's cheeks. "Severus and I will get to the bottom of it, I promise."
The young witch flicked her gaze to the wizard who sat rigidly on the other end of the sofa.
"But before we deal with that, there is another matter we need to see to," the Gryffindor Head stated, pulling back to perch upon the edge of the coffee table. She grabbed hold of the girl's hand. "Are you ready to do this?"
Noting the worried glint in Severus's eyes, Hermione slowly returned her attention to the woman in front of her. With a shaky breath, she nodded her head. "I suppose so."
"Okay then." Minerva squeezed her hand before gesturing that they should stand. After instructing the girl not to fidget, she inhaled deeply and began reciting the incantation and tracing the intricate pattern of wand movements.
Trying to quell the rising nausea in her stomach, Hermione closed her eyes until she felt the spell pull away from her. She did not dare to breathe as she stared intently at the tip of the wand pointing at her midsection. When it finally flared red after what seemed like minutes instead of seconds, she could hardly believe what she was seeing.
"Well, that's a relief, isn't it?" the Deputy Headmistress exclaimed, managing the hint of a smile.
Snape blew out a long breath and sagged against the sofa. "Thank the gods."
"Hermione?"
Tears were leaking down the teen's face as she remained staring at the wand. Red. Red meant she was not pregnant. Her hands began to shake at her sides, and her knees threatened to buckle. Finally she heaved in a gulp of air and nearly tripped backwards onto the sofa before being caught by her Head of House. As soon as she was in the other woman's arms, she began to sob.
"Darling girl, it's alright," Minerva murmured, guiding her gently down to the couch. "Let it out. There's a girl."
Having risen to his feet at his lover's anguished cry, the wizard stood dumbly by, watching without knowing what to do. After a moment, his colleague silently indicated for him to sit down. He did so, but not before conjuring up a handkerchief.
The woman took it from him with an appreciative nod, and then gently began dabbing at the girl's face. "Can you tell me what you're feeling?"
Hermione sniffled loudly as she tried to stem the flow of tears. "I'm just… so… relieved… I don't… know why…. I can't stop… crying."
"Because you've been carrying about this extra strain for two weeks, preparing yourself for the worst." McGonagall offered her a sympathetic smile. "We've all been. But now, you don't have to worry about that anymore, so you can let go off all that anxiety and stress before reaching the next hurdle."
"I'm…s-sorry."
"No apologies, child. Just let it all out. You'll feel better afterward, I'm certain." She tucked the girl's head against her shoulder. Eventually, she cleared her throat. "Severus."
At the sound of his name, the wizard looked up to see her gesturing for him to take her place. Hesitantly, he stood and approached the couch, concerned that the girl might retreat from him as she had the night prior. When he slipped into the spot surrendered by his colleague, Hermione did indeed bristle at his touch. Within a few seconds, however, she relaxed and all but burrowed into his chest.
Minerva gently cupped the back of the younger witch's head and patted Snape's shoulder before reclaiming the armchair. Malina hopped up into her lap, so she began scratching the cat's head while observing the pair huddled together on the sofa. After a while, the sniffling ceased, and it became clear that Hermione had fallen asleep.
When it finally seemed Severus had followed suit, the Deputy Headmistress stood up and deposited the black cat on the cushion. "Keep an eye on them, sweet."
Inhaling deeply, Minerva straightened her robes and strode determinedly toward the door. Dumbledore had already sworn her in as his replacement, an arrangement that could not be rescinded without both herself and Severus agreeing to it. Thus, she did not feel the least bit nervous about having a long word – or several, more likely – with the Headmaster regarding one Harry Potter.
The long walk up to the Head's Office would give her enough time to organize her thoughts and temper her reaction. After all, Severus would be highly put out with her were she to strangle the Head wizard with his own beard.