A/N: I am both cruel and unusual, I know, but I'm so happy so many of you are still with me! There are a lot of feelings involved, so I hope you understand why it took so long to get these scenes together even though I knew where it was meant to go.
It's the New Year, of course, so here's to a little resolution! I hope you are all well and safe this winter. As always, I welcome your comments!
Bound to Him
Chapter 89
Emerging from the Pensieve, the only thing Minerva could be grateful for was that the liquid dripping down her face would camouflage her tears. It was hardly a concern, however, given she was alone in the sitting room.
"Severus?"
Muffled retching sounds led her to the bathroom, where the wizard was hunched over the toilet.
"Oh, Severus." Minerva crouched beside him. Tying back his hair with a nonverbal spell, she smoothed her hand along his back. "I'm so sorry."
As he expelled his supper, it was all she could do to keep from losing hers. It sickened her to know that after the trauma Severus had endured with his mother and more recently with Hermione, that was how Riddle would choose to reward him.
The bastard couldnae have chosen a better punishment if he'd tried.
Snape sank back against the tile with a groan. He covered his face, mortified by what he had deposited both in the Pensieve and in the toilet.
"There's no need to hide, Severus," Minerva pulled down his hands. Summoning a glass, she filled it with an Augamenti. "Here."
Snape set the glass on the floor and tugged on his hair.
The witch huffed, lowering his arm again and placing the water glass firmly in his hand. "Rinse and spit."
Obediently, he followed her instruction, then pulled his knees toward his chest.
Minerva squeezed his arm. "Severus…"
"What was I supposed to do?"
Her shoulders slumped. "I know. It was an impossible situation –"
"No," he growled, facing her fully. "Tell me what I should have done! What should I have done?"
Minerva gently touched his cheek. "You did what you had to."
"There must have been something else," he shrugged off her hand.
"No, Severus," she shook her head. "You did well. You did what you could do… and I'm sorry you had to."
Shuddering in revulsion, Snape fixed his eyes on the floor. Despite her assurances, he knew there was something he overlooked. He had tried to pin the blame on Lucius – he knew Lucius would prefer it to the alternative – but perhaps there was something more he could have done to shift focus away from Narcissa.
"Severus, it's alright."
His mind reeled, running through every interaction with the Dark Lord the past year, imagining what else he could have done or said to prevent the evening's events. To prevent Narcissa from being beaten into the carpet for purported failures. Tobias had done similarly; the drunken boor had been shrewd enough to recognize his young son was affected to a greater extent when the beating he allegedly deserved was inflicted instead on his mother. He knew the anger, disgust, and guilt that must be churning within Draco, having witnessed his mother's suffering, and knowing it was caused at least in part by his existence in the world.
Though Tobias had verbally, physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially abused his wife in full view of their son, he at least spared them some humiliation by keeping his sexual abuse behind closed doors. The noise bled through the walls, of course, but never had he raped her in front of her son like Severus had done to Narcissa, or in front of his deplorable friends like Severus had done to Hermione.
"One day, boy, one of 'em will make yer life difficult, and then you'll see."
Two intelligent, capable witches, and he had left them crumpled in his wake, branded and scarred, in less than a year.
You've surpassed him.
"Och!" Minerva jumped when the water glass exploded beside her. "Severus!"
When the mirror over the sink began to rattle, she pulled the trembling man against her and stroked his face. "Severus, let go."
A deep crack sounded, and glass bottles clattered to the shower floor, saved only by their shatterproof charms.
"Let the walls down and let it out," the witch murmured. "It's alright to let it out. Please."
At her prodding, tears finally slipped down his cheeks and the rattling slowed to a stop.
"It's alright, Severus. Let it out." Minerva continued comforting him as the tears became larger and louder, and his body went slack in her hold. "I'm so sorry, Severus. I'm so sorry all of this has fallen on you. It isn't fair; it isn't right."
It astounded her the punishing lengths to which Severus had gone to prove himself useful for little credit and even less support over the years. How often had he shattered emotionally like this – but in isolation – then forced himself to pick up the pieces and walk into the classroom or meeting and act unaffected by their stares, whispers, or outright condemnation?
Minerva blew out a pained breath. Given their prior conversations, it did not require Legilimency to know what mental comparisons the now deathly silent man was making. She tightened her hold on him. "You're not him. You hear me, Severus? You. Are. Not. Him."
I'm probably worse. A lump caught in his throat as Severus stared at but did not see the towel rack. Instead, he saw the sorrowful resignation in Narcissa's eyes as she sank to her knees before him, the haunted betrayal in Draco's gaze, and the cold terror that had screamed at him from Hermione's eyes during his previous public display of perversion.
Hermione. Snape froze. Their bond was supposedly sensitive to his sexual arousal and could affect the girl accordingly. Not only had he betrayed her with his infidelity, but he had also put her at physical risk.
Minerva pulled back her hands as he struggled to his feet.
"I have to check on Hermione."
"What, now?" The witch used the wall to pull herself from the floor. "I'm not sure that's the best idea, Severus. It's nearly three, and you need time to process your own feelings before addressing this with her."
The wizard shook his head and snatched his arm out of her gentle grasp. "I raped another woman tonight –"
"You didn't rape her, Severus."
Snape huffed angrily. "Regardless of whatever it is you want to call it, I still did it. And given what that required… I don't know if or how that will have affected Hermione's bond."
The Headmistress sighed. "Forgive me; I'd forgotten that aspect. You can check on her mentally, can you not? If she's sound asleep and not in need of assistance, I suggest holding off until you are ready to tell her what transpired."
"We'll all be dead by then."
Her lips quirked sadly. "Fine. Until you are more ready than you are at present."
Severus nodded slowly, conceding the point. Perching on the edge of the tub, he held his head and focused on opening the connection. With his current emotional upheaval, it took far longer than it should to do so. Unfortunately, he found Hermione was very much awake, fretting over the Malfoys' fate, his own safety, and whether he was still upset with her.
His fingernails dug into his scalp as he interrupted the concern he did not deserve. 'I've returned, Hermione.'
'Oh, thank Merlin, Severus! Are you alright? Draco – is he alright? Did he fool the Mark? Did the Dark Lord accept him? And Narcissa? Is she safe?'
Severus rubbed his forehead at the barrage of questions. 'Draco's Mark settled. He's provisionally accepted, and Narcissa is…alive.'
'I'm relieved to hear that and that you're back. What happens now? Is Draco with you? What do you mean by provisionally?'
'Hermione, I will answer your questions later, but for now –'
'Oh, I'm sorry! You must be exhausted, and I don't mean to keep you awake.'
'—I just need to know you're alright.'
'Me? I'm fine, Severus, but what about you?'
'I'm fine. Apologies for disturbing you. Good night, Hermione.'
'You're not disturbing me, Severus. Are you sure –'
Severus silenced the connection with a loud exhale.
"Is she alright?" Minerva returned to his side after having fixed the fractured mirror. When the wizard nodded, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps we can move this conversation somewhere more comfortable? I presume you're not prepared to sleep yet?"
"No," he gasped.
"Come, then. We'll go out to the sofa and…" The witch fell silent upon hearing the Floo activate.
"Hello?" Hermione called from the sitting room.
Groaning, Minerva watched the wizard stiffen and his countenance lose all trace of emotion – minus the red rims of his eyes. She loved Hermione and knew the girl meant well, but she was also certain Severus would not willingly lower his shields in front of her. He would shove all his trauma back behind the walls where it would fester and continue to eat away at him.
"Severus, are you – Oh, hello, Minerva," Hermione popped into the doorway, then tugged self-consciously at her pajamas. "Severus, what's wrong? You didn't sound right, and you don't look relieved. What happened?"
Grumbling, Minerva gestured toward the sitting room. "Let's go sit down, Hermione, and give Severus a moment to freshen up, hmm? I'll have some tea brought up while we wait."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Hermione groaned awake at the tingling across her spine. Sliding out of bed, she padded across the dark room. "Severus?"
There was no response as she pulled open the heavy door. The bright sunlight streaming in the hallway windows forced her eyes closed for a moment. "Severus?"
Squinting, she called both audibly and mentally for him while moving to the end of the corridor, where she stepped out onto a large balcony. Her eyes swept the manicured grounds until spotting his dark form among the gardens. "Severus! I need you!"
"Pathetic."
Heart pounding in fear, Hermione whirled around to see the Malfoy heir leaning casually against a pillar. "Leave me alone, Draco. Severus –"
"Is busy."
Frowning, she followed his gaze back to the garden where Snape had bent down to adjust a plant, revealing the slender blonde standing in front of him. "What?"
"Disgusting, isn't it?" Draco sneered, resting his forearms on the balustrade.
"Severus!" Hermione shouted, but the wind swept her voice away. She watched, horrified, as Snape gathered Narcissa in his arms and engaged her in a passionate kiss.
"No." Her knees weakened as the couple turned, revealing Snape's hand splayed possessively over Narcissa's swollen stomach. "NO!"
Beside her, Draco snorted. "You didn't really think he'd pick you if offered something better, did you? Why turn a mudblood whore into a wife when you could simply have both?"
"No," Hermione gasped awake. Pulse racing, she let her eyes adjust to the dim light of the Headmaster's bedroom. When she was brave enough to peek over her shoulder, she found Severus scowling in his sleep. His hand pressing into her lower back explained the tingling sensation, which faded after she slid out of his reach.
"Damn it," she whispered, drawing her pillow to her chest.
Snape's odd tone and defeated appearance had frightened her, but Hermione had been relieved upon being assured he was physically unharmed and that Narcissa and Draco were momentarily safe. As she drank her tea, however, and listened to Minerva explain what had taken place that evening – Severus had been too ashamed to speak, let alone meet her eyes – that relief vanished behind a hot, dense fog that had descended over her.
Hermione was horrified at what she heard but beyond that could not name what she felt. They had both watched for her reaction – Minerva out of concern, Snape seemingly out of fear – which unnerved her further. Logically, she knew it was not Severus's fault; he had only done what the Dark Lord demanded in order to save the Malfoys and keep himself in favor. With that pressure weighing on her, she had quickly reassured the wizard that he had her support.
At the time, the young witch had been unable to consider how she personally had been impacted by the night's events. And now she could not help but feel angry, betrayed, and fearful for what the future may bring.
It was just a dream, Hermione tried to tell herself. You know Severus didn't want to do that.
He didn't want to do it with you either.
The witch covered her face with her pillow. He promised it was just going to be the two of us. Together.
But what if he's not allowed to make that promise?
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Head throbbing, Severus buried his face into the pillow and tried to will himself back to sleep. He could not risk oversleeping with a sleeping potion, and the headache reliever he had on hand would not sit well with the heavy pour of Calming Draught Minerva had snuck into his tea. He just needed to tune out the pain and hope it relieved itself soon.
A faint sniffle could have been a clanging bell for how quickly it roused him.
"Hermione?"
The witch beside him was curled into a ball and stifling tears with her pillow. Sitting up, he touched her shoulder. "Hermione, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"
Hermione took in a breath. "It's nothing."
"That's not an answer." Finding his wand, he summoned a tin of salve. "If the bond is –"
"The bond isn't doing anything," she returned. "Apparently, it doesn't care if you have sex with other women."
"Thank Merlin." As her entire body stiffened, his brain finally processed her second statement. "Fuck…Hermione – "
The girl jerked out of bed. "Don't touch me."
Severus groaned. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
"How was it supposed to sound?" Hermione crossed her arms.
"I was relieved you aren't in pain. I didn't mean…"
"Did you enjoy it?"
His eyes narrowed. "Did I what?"
"With Narcissa," she clarified. "Did you enjoy it?"
"Of course not!" Snape snarled. "What kind of idiotic question is that?"
Hermione stared out at the early rays of sunlight before daring to look at him again. "Are you attracted to her?"
"What?" Suspecting Minerva was sleeping in the sitting room, the wizard hastily cast a Muffliato.
"Narcissa. Do you find her pretty?"
Severus gawped at her, confused as to where her questions stemmed. Beyond the headache, his thoughts were foggy courtesy of the Calming Draught on little sleep and an empty stomach.
"You do, don't you?"
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" When she started for the door, he cursed and escaped the bedcovers to impede her exit. "Just because I think someone conventionally attractive does not mean I'm going to –"
"You already slept with her."
"BECAUSE I HAD TO!" As she flinched backward, Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to reign in his temper. "Hermione, you weren't upset like this earlier. You told me you understood…that you thought I did the right thing. I don't understand…"
Hermione turned away, unable to stomach his broken countenance yet also unable to silence the injured voices in her own head.
"Why did you lie?"
"I didn't!" she protested, facing him. "I didn't…I meant what I said then, but…"
"But what!"
"I don't know! I was fine. I mean I was upset and angry and…and horrified, but not… I hadn't fully processed it. It hadn't sunk in, and now… I don't know. It's too much, and I don't know!"
Dropping on the bed, Severus let his hair, still damp from his earlier shower, fall into his face. He had known deep in his gut that her initial reaction was wrong. Both Hermione and Minerva had taken him to task for pretending to flirt with Tonks, and he had far outstripped that with Narcissa. It made no sense then that they would not be angry with him now.
Hermione deflated at seeing him fold in on himself. "I'm sorry."
"No."
"I did mean what I said. You did what you had to." She leaned against the wall. "But… I dreamt about the two of you. You were happy with her."
His head slowly raised. "It was a dream, Hermione. It has no basis in reality."
At her pinched expression, Snape sighed. "What I did this evening was the last thing I wanted to do, and I had to employ Occlumency just to get through it. I wouldn't have touched her if the Dark Lord hadn't –"
"You wouldn't have touched me if the Dark Lord hadn't commanded you to do it, either."
"You're right. I wouldn't have."
Hermione swallowed heavily. "And you also have to Occlude to get through it with me."
"In the beginning, yes."
"No. Not just in the beginning. You still do it."
Severus narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"You said it yourself!" she gestured at him. "Three nights ago, you said you lost control of your shields –"
"That's not –"
"—and that was why you couldn't enjoy being with me!"
" – anything to do with you!"
"What?" they snapped, nearly in unison.
Severus stood and stalked around the other end of the bed.
"How can you say it has nothing to do with me? Clearly, it does if –"
"I didn't construct those shields because of you. I started building those before you were even born." The wizard growled under his breath. "I don't use them so I can handle being with you. I use them so I can handle being with me."
Her arms fell limply at her sides. "What?"
"I don't let them down."
"Ever?"
"Not if I can help it."
"But you're not supposed to Occlude full-time," she protested. "You've said that –"
"It's preferable to the alternative!" he snapped. "Without those shields in place, I wouldn't be here. I would be dead, or a drunken lout like my father, or as deranged as the Dark Lord. I thought I would be free of this godforsaken world long before they started to fail, but apparently, I was wrong. I haven't finished paying my dues yet, and I'm running out of time."
Shocked, Hermione failed to find an appropriate response.
With a loud puff of air, Severus turned away and ran his hands over his face.
As he struggled to restrain himself, the witch numbly crept forward. Her hand reached toward him but retreated after he shied away from her touch. Tucking her hand against her chest, she cleared her throat. "Would you like me to leave?"
His voice was a whisper. "Please."
Mumbling an apology, Hermione retreated.
The click of the door behind her acted as a trigger, ending whatever spell kept him upright and bringing him slowly to his knees. Palms down on the plush rug, Severus heaved in several deep breaths and tried to quiet the screaming in his head. He did not want to fight with Hermione, but he also did not know how to make it up to her. There was nothing really he could promise her, when one command from the Dark Lord – or Minerva – could render his word meaningless.
The only thing he could promise was to try. But when has that ever been enough?
Squeezing his hands into fists, Severus forced himself back to his feet. He could hear birds chirping outside, which meant Draco would soon be awake. His skin crawled at the thought of facing the boy, and he mindlessly stumbled toward the bathroom, stripping out of his pajamas.
For the second time that morning, he stepped beneath the hot spray of the shower. Perhaps this time it might actually wash away some of his sins.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Tonks knocked on the door, fidgeting until it was finally yanked open. Immediately, she noted the girl's pale complexion and red-rimmed eyes. "What happened?"
Hermione wiped at an errant tear. "Is Remus alright?"
The Auror straightened. "There a particular reason why he wouldn't be?"
"I may have poisoned him last night," Hermione confessed. "Just a little, and I didn't mean to, and he seemed to recover, but… I don't know what I did."
Tonks grimaced. "I figured he's still asleep, so I came here first."
"Could you check on him?"
Drawing her wand, Tonks cast and held her Patronus long enough to send a message. "Oi, you're not dead, are you? Hermione's afraid she's offed you."
Sniffling, Hermione watched the small, dingo-like wolf scamper across the infirmary and down the corridor. "If you weren't here about Remus…"
"Oh!" The witch dug in her pocket. "I managed to contrive a reason to be in evidence storage this morning."
Gasping, Hermione eagerly snatched up the familiar amethyst pendant. "You're not going to get in trouble, are you?"
"Shouldn't think so. I swapped out one amethyst necklace enveloped in my containment charm for another amethyst necklace enveloped in my containment charm. They hadn't even processed it yet."
"But they've had it for weeks."
Tonks nodded in frustration. "Backlogs are typical, but it seems there may be some external influence in the processing office as well."
An amorphous silver mist trickled into the room, delivering Remus's terse reply. "Hermione, I'm fine. Dora, I'm going back to bed now."
Hermione exhaled in relief as she fastened the necklace about her neck.
"Long night?" Tonks asked.
"I didn't sleep much. I wish I'd had this back yesterday."
"Any word from Snape?" At the girl's pained reaction, Tonks stepped into the room, shut the door, and cast an Imperturbable Charm. "Tell me."
Clutching her pendant, Hermione sat on the bed and watched Crookshanks brush against her shins. "Severus convinced the Dark Lord to let Draco live, but there had to be punishment for his failure."
Tonks frowned. "What punishment?"
"Narcissa…"
"Fuck."
"She was the one who took it. Lucius was made to torture her, and then he gave them to Severus."
"What?" Tonks lowered onto the wooden chair. "Who gave whom?"
"The Dark Lord. He took Draco and his mother away from Lucius and gave them to Severus."
"He…" She shook her head. "He can't do that."
"You want to be the one to tell the Dark Lord that?"
"Not at present, no. What do you mean by 'he gave them'?"
Hermione scooped up Crookshanks before quietly summarizing what had transpired the night before.
"Hooo-ly hell." Tonks leaned back in the chair. "I did not see that coming."
"I don't think anyone did."
"Well, that's… shit." She combed her fingers through her reddening locks in frustration. "I realize I've only just started to consider them human, but fuck. And in front of her kid? Fucking hell."
Hermione nodded, feeling even worse about her earlier reaction. As if Narcissa would simply fall in line beside and transfer whatever affection she had for her husband to Severus because the Dark Lord said so.
"How are they doing?"
"I don't know about Narcissa. It sounded like Draco was in shock and had to take Dreamless Sleep. And Severus… he's not okay." Especially not after I yelled at him.
"And how are you feeling?"
Hermione bit down on her lip as she struggled not to cry again.
"I'm sorry," Tonks exclaimed, moving to sit beside her.
"It's stupid."
"How you feel isn't stupid."
Hermione blinked rapidly. "I know it was awful and wasn't something either of them wanted to do, but there's this stupid voice in my head that just… wonders what if he'd rather be with her?"
"I will never know Severus Snape as well as you do, but even I know that will never come to be," Tonks squeezed her shoulder. "It's clear from what I've seen and what you've told me that he cares a great deal for you. Besides that, how many wizards would prefer an older witch legally bound to another man –a nasty wanker at that – when he could have an intelligent, pretty, young witch who wants to make him happy?"
Groaning, the Gryffindor tipped back onto the mattress and covered her face.
"Hermione, there isn't anything wrong with wanting your partner to be as dependent on you as you are on him." Tonks winced at her responding glare. "I don't think that quite came out the way I meant it."
"But it's true, isn't it? He can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants, and I have to depend on him just to keep breathing." She shook her head. "Even though we were forced together, I just assumed that that was it. Just the two of us - partners til Death do us part. But maybe I'm wrong…"
"Hermione, don't… Look at me. Severus Snape is not going to cast you aside."
The girl sat up and slid back to lean against the wall. "But what if he's forced to? Or what if he falls in love?"
"With Narcissa Malfoy?" Tonks arched an eyebrow.
"With anyone! Maybe I'm not just an obligation now, but what if I become one? What if he resents me because I'm holding him back from being with someone else? Or if he doesn't resent me, maybe he'll just tell himself he didn't deserve to be with that person because of what he's had to do, but he does deserve to be –"
"Good night, Hermione! Take a deep breath and calm down." As the girl tried to do so, Tonks settled closer. "What happened was awful, and from what you said, Snape feels awful about it and about betraying you. True?"
She nodded slowly.
"Then I don't think you have any reason to panic about… all of that."
Hermione pushed her head back against the wall and gulped down air. Deep down, she knew there was little risk of Severus falling in love with someone new – he was already in love with Lily Potter. "You're right. I don't know why it's bothering me so much."
Tonks smirked. "Don't you?"
The girl fiddled with her necklace. "Maybe…but I don't have any right to expect that he feel a certain way for me, just like he doesn't have the right to expect it of me. He was forced into this relationship as much as I was."
"True." A minute passed in silence as the Auror pondered the situation. "I wouldn't advise telling them this, but I think our blokes have more in common than they'd like to admit. You know when I was mooning over Remus, and he wasn't giving me the time of day? What I didn't know is that he had developed feelings for me, but he was too caught up in thinking poorly of himself to realize how strong they were. He dismissed my feelings for him in some convoluted attempt to protect me from all of the negative aspects of his life."
Hermione grunted sadly.
"And I can imagine that if there were clear evidence that his presence in my life had caused me harm, he'd try to remove himself from it again, and I'd have to fight tooth and nail to keep him," Tonks continued. "And in your case, Snape knows he can't remove himself from your life no matter how dangerous his becomes or how much pain he brings you."
"I know," Hermione huffed. "But how did you get Remus to see through all of that to believe your feelings were real?"
The witch snorted. "I had a little help from a third party."
"Oh, right." She inhaled loudly, then shook her head. "I shouldn't care so much about this! It's not like we're going to live long enough for it to matter."
"What? Hermione!" Tonks scrambled onto her knees and cupped her hands over the girl's cheeks. "Love, you cannot think that way."
"Realistically speaking –"
"Fuck realistically!" Tonks wrapped Hermione in a tight embrace. "I don't care how bleak it seems – you are going to have a bright future. You're going to excel at whatever you want to do, and you and I are going to be best of friends long after Moldy-face is dead and gone – for real, this time. We're going to meet up for drinks and sweets and to bitch about the ridiculous shit our idiot wizards do or say and devise cunning plans to irritate them. Alright?"
The younger witch snuffled amusedly into her shoulder.
"We're fighting for a better future, and we're going to get it," Tonks continued. "That's what's going to happen. So, think about what you'll want, make plans, have expectations for life beyond all this crap. Goals are what are going to pull us through this, so don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on your idiot wizard."
Hermione took in a shuddering breath. "I dreamt we had a little girl once."
"Did you?" the Hufflepuff grinned. "Can't say I'm chuffed at the idea of bearing fruit yet, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually. Our kids will be pals; we'll see to it. Or maybe my kid'll fall madly in love with yours. Then my idiot wizard and your idiot wizard will have the opportunity to sneer and snarl at each other over holiday dinners and grandkids' birthday cakes. How's that, hmm?"
The girl chuckled and wiped her eye. "I think I'd like that."
"Good. Glad we've got that settled. Let's have a little sleep on it, too, before McGonagall puts us back to work."
After settling into bed with Crookshanks stretched out across their knees, Tonks yawned. "You know, I really don't envy my kid having to approach your idiot wizard to marry yours. It might be fairer if your kid has to face my idiot wizard for permission. Mine's only a werewolf; they'd have more of a sporting chance."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Choosing to blame his roiling stomach on the apparition, Snape leaned back against a tree. He watched the water lap against the shore while steeling himself for another confrontation. Eventually, he crept toward the cabin, surreptitiously slipping his wand into his hand before entering.
As Severus quietly closed the door behind him, Draco stumbled out of the bathroom. Despite the Dreamless Sleep, dark circles persisted under the boy's eyes. Without the elves to re-cast their cleansing charms, his unkempt appearance and filthy clothes mimicked those of a certain young wizard in Spinner's End.
Near the kitchen table, Draco halted. His grey eyes locked onto the man before gradually melting into rage as he hissed, "You said you would help us."
Snape stood dumbly, unable to find his voice. His eyes flicked to Draco's hands when the boy stepped forward, shaking his head in disgust.
"You said you would protect her! How could you… How could you!"
"I'm sorry," he finally whispered.
"I trusted you!"
Draco drew his wand, but Severus deftly removed it before he could cast. Safely stowing both of their wands away, he braced himself before the young wizard collided into him. Recognizing the tell-tale crackle of unrestrained magic, Severus wandlessly cast shielding charms to protect them both and Minerva's cabin from damage.
His magic stifled; Draco continued to lash out with his fists. Despite the assault, Severus held firm until the boy finally gave out and sank to the ground.
"I never meant to hurt her," Snape panted, kneeling over him. "Or you. I did what I had to."
Snarling, Draco ripped out from beneath him and stormed toward the door. "I can't fucking breathe."
"The wards extend two meters beyond shore. You're safe –"
"As if you care," the pureblood slammed the door behind him.
Clutching his side, Severus slowly dragged himself to his feet. He moved to the window, where he watched Draco take out his anger on the long grass at the shoreline.
It was the first time the boy had been out of doors since they stood together watching the Dark Mark above Hogwarts.
"I need you to trust me."
Draco had met his demand and spent more than six weeks with nothing to do but to cling to the hope Snape had promised. Even after what he had been forced to witness, the boy had kept his mouth shut and his shields in place.
The boy had upheld his end of the deal, yet Severus was struggling under the weight of his.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
Hermione trudged slowly across the infirmary. Remus needed another dose of the Wolfsbane potion in a few hours, and she could not delay much longer. She had intended to check with Severus to determine where she had gone wrong in preparing the potion, but then everything else had gone wrong last night. Since their morning fight, Severus had been away from the castle, and she dreaded admitting to him yet another of her failures.
She just needed to pay absolute attention to her brewing. No mistakes. That has to be enough. Right?
Sucking in a breath, Hermione pushed into the brewing lab. She paused at finding Snape seated in front of an active brew. "Oh. I didn't know you were returning tonight."
The wizard arched an eyebrow. "I only asked you to manage alone for one night."
Hesitantly approaching, she claimed the second stool. "I'm really glad you're back."
He glanced over his shoulder.
"And not just because I might have poisoned Remus last night."
Severus turned fully around. "What?"
"I followed your instructions; I know I did. It was the right color, the right puff of smoke, I swear."
After listening to her describe Remus's reaction on ingesting it, the wizard turned back to the cauldron. "The wolf has a penchant for exaggeration. He probably drank it faster than his typical glacial pace in an effort to impress you."
"Funny," she remarked. "He blamed it on you; you blame it on him. Yet, I'm –"
"I wasn't even here."
"Obviously. He thinks you left me shoddy instructions."
"The hell I did!" he snapped.
Hermione held up her hand. "I know. I told him you wouldn't – out of concern for your brewing reputation, not for him."
Snape's lip curled in appreciation.
"So, I'm glad you're brewing. Maybe I can figure out where I went wrong."
"If you'd truly gone wrong, the mutt wouldn't be coherent enough to toss about ridiculous accusations."
The witch rubbed the back of her neck, hoping to let the matter rest for a moment. "I'd also like to apologize…for this morning."
Severus picked at his knuckle. "There's no need to."
"Yes, there is. I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't… Everything just hit at once, and I didn't mean what I said to you."
"It's fine."
"No, it isn't. After I talked with Tonks and got some actual sleep, my thoughts were clearer, and I realized it was foolish to think that way." Noting the rigidity in his shoulders, Hermione heaved a breath. "And I'm sorry for telling Tonks without asking permission."
His voice was like gravel. "How much?"
"Not details, just general picture. I know you'd rather she didn't know, but I promise you she doesn't blame you." At his disbelieving grunt, she touched his elbow. "I swear, Severus. She's upset, but not at you."
The wizard cleared his throat. "If we could stop talking about this and focus on not actually poisoning the idiot?"
"Right. Sorry." Hermione pulled her stool close enough that she could rest her fingertips against his arm while watching the cauldron. She remained quiet to prevent him pulling away until he needed to decant the potion into the goblet.
Watching him quickly wipe the inside of the goblet, her stomach clenched. "Oh! That's…"
Snape peered back at her.
"I think I forgot to do that. I oiled it beforehand, but I don't remember…" Frowning, Hermione grabbed her notebook. "I wrote it down, but I wrote it up here and not… and I didn't double check with your –"
"You've identified your error and are unlikely to make it again." After transferring the Wolfsbane from the silver-plated cauldron into the goblet, the wizard turned to fully face her. "It was a minor error, Hermione. You're alive; he's alive. A spot of queasiness is far preferable to full transformation…or other side effects."
She sagged against the bench. "I know."
"Now, are you delivering the beast his nightcap, or must I?"
Hermione pursed her lips. "Well… I'd like to apologize to him, but I'm not sure I want to go alone."
"He's unlikely to eat you." At her pointed stare, Severus relented and picked up the goblet. "Fine. The sooner we go, the sooner we can escape him."
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Thank you, Severus… Hermione."
Grunting, Snape turned to leave until Hermione nervously spoke up. "It's right this time, I promise. Severus brewed it."
"Hermione…" Remus sighed.
"No, I figured out my mistake."
"I neglected to emphasize a minor point," Severus claimed.
"No!" Hermione reactively pushed at his side. "You didn't neglect it. I even wrote it down, but then forgot!"
"Honestly, I'm fine!"
The witch ignored Remus, having seen the flicker of pain her nudge had elicited. "Severus…what's wrong with you?"
"Do you require a list?"
Lupin snorted, nearly choking on his first sip of the Wolfsbane.
"No. I mean…" Frustrated, the witch grabbed Snape's shirt and yanked it out from his trousers.
"Granger!"
Despite his attempts to dislodge her, Hermione revealed the bruises blossoming across his torso. "Who did this?"
"It doesn't –"
"It does matter," she hissed, hiking up his shirt further. "So, who did this?"
Glaring at the wall, Severus shrugged loose. "Draco was understandably upset."
Scowling, Hermione kept hold of his shirt and looked to Remus, who was unabashedly watching them. "You wouldn't happen to have any bruise paste nearby?"
"Oh, for –"
"I do actually." Remus set down his goblet. He re-emerged from his bathroom a moment later with a battered tin in hand.
"Drink your bloody potion." Severus snatched the tin from his hand. Unscrewing the cap, he wrinkled up his nose. "It's a wonder you haven't poisoned yourself, you imbecile. This is not and has not been bruise paste in at least a year."
"Fine." Hermione grabbed his elbow. "Remus, take your potion. You, Floo. Now."
The Slytherin rolled his eyes but moved toward the fireplace.
With a hasty goodbye, Hermione followed him through before the green flames died down. Upon arriving in the Head's chambers, she pointed to the sofa. "Sit."
"I don't need –"
"I don't care," she interrupted. "Shirt off."
Muttering under his breath, Snape unbuttoned his shirt and took a seat.
Hermione, having procured supplies, knelt in front of him and gently probed the area. "Did you even bother defending yourself?"
The wizard pinched his lips, and his eyes bored into the wall.
"At least he hasn't done more serious damage," she sputtered, ending her diagnostic charms.
Silence fell as the witch gently applied the healing salve. She was troubled by the frequency with which he was injured by supposed allies, herself included. He was ashamed by her care, and they both found themselves ruminating over their early morning spat.
Eventually, Severus mumbled, "I didn't kiss her."
Fingers slowing, she glanced up at him.
He continued to avoid her gaze. "Not that it improves anything."
Hermione wiped her hands on her jeans and stood. She pushed the hair back from his face, then gingerly settled on his lap. "Severus, what I said to you this morning was wrong."
When the wizard shook his head, she placed her hands along his jawline. "It was wrong. You did what you had to. You protected yourself –"
He winced sharply.
" – you protected them; you protected the Order; and you protected me."
His eyes flicked to hers.
"If anything happened to you…" Hermione traced her thumb against his cheek. When he looked away again, she sighed. "I reacted poorly, and I'm sorry for that. It was like my own emotions shut off when I first heard, and then the anger and fear hit all at once, and I misdirected it at you."
"You should be angry with me."
"I'm not, though," she clarified. "I am angry – incredibly angry – but I'm not angry at you. I'm angry for you. For them. I am livid at what he made you do…at what he did to you. He hurt you. Deeply."
Severus glared at the arm of the couch.
"And I helped him."
"No," he startled.
"I didn't mean to, but I did." Hermione ran her hand along his chest. Though Draco was the one who left visible bruises, she knew her strikes had cut deeper and would require much more than a salve to heal. "You don't deserve that. You think you do, but you don't."
As the wizard lowered his head, she slid her arms around his shoulders.
"I keep hurting you," he finally breathed. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright, Severus." Hermione held him tighter. Her fingers massaged the base of his neck, while his rested on her hips. The quiver in his breath betrayed his silent tears and made her heart hurt. Recalling how Minerva had comforted him after Dumbledore's death, Hermione lowered her lips to his ear. "I forgive you."
Severus tensed beneath her and hesitated before asking why.
"Because that's what you deserve. Forgiveness, not punishment."
His hands slowly fisted in her shirt.
"You've had to do terrible things, but you're a good man," she argued. "And I really hope that one day you can see it, too."
Several long minutes passed before Hermione loosened her hold. "Were you able to get any more sleep?"
Severus shook his head.
"Can you stay?"
"I have the Dark Lord's potion under stasis."
"How long can it wait?"
"Another hour, perhaps," he shrugged. "Not more than two."
At her prompting, they stretched out across the sofa. His head came to rest against her chest, while her leg draped securely over his hip. He closed his eyes as her fingers soothingly moved across his scalp. Hermione watched the shadows of the fire dance on the ceiling and listened to his breathing.
"You're afraid?"
She frowned. "What?"
"You said anger and fear."
"Oh." Hermione inhaled deeply. "Not like that exactly. I was concerned that maybe if you were offered something better, you wouldn't want me anymore."
He angled his head to look up at her. "I don't want Narcissa. I've never… I wouldn't choose her over you."
She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling. "Even though she's the one you're attracted to?"
Frowning, Severus pushed himself up to hover over her. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Hermione stared past him. "You said it."
His brow furled. "You think I'm not attracted to you?"
"You've never said you were," she shrugged.
Severus studied her face as he racked his memory. "I'm certain I have."
Her eyes finally met his. "You said I was 'not ugly'. There's a difference between 'not ugly' and 'attractive'."
Exhaling, the wizard slumped against the back of the sofa. "There are times I worry I shouldn't be…but I am very much attracted to you, Hermione."
The witch swallowed and reached up to sweep hair out of his face. "Truly?"
"Yes."
Propping herself up on one elbow, Hermione held his face with the other hand and kissed him softly. "I'm very glad you are."
Her lips returned to his, but Severus broke away before the kiss deepened. Removing her hand from his face, he briefly pressed his lips to her knuckles before lowering it. "I'm sorry. It's not…"
"No, I understand." She gave him a tense smile and squeezed his hand. "I didn't intend anything further."
Nodding wearily, he rubbed his face. "I should go."
"You said we had an hour," she grumbled. "Fifteen more minutes. Or I could come with you?"
"Not with Draco so unpredictable."
Hermione nodded in understanding. "Then fifteen more minutes."
Relenting, Severus maneuvered to his previous position. Hermione scooted down, twisting so she could hold onto him better. With her lips resting against his forehead, she closed her eyes and settled in to share a half hour's rest.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxX
"Feeling better today?"
Severus met Minerva's eye. "Debatable."
"And young Mr. Malfoy?"
"Coming around."
Minerva quirked her lip. "Dare I ask how his coming around has affected the status of my cabin?"
"A few slammed doors. Other incidents have only occurred in my presence, and I've contained them."
She frowned. "How serious?"
Severus shook his head. "Not as serious as they could have been."
"If you need assistance –"
"I'm sure we'll be braiding each other's hair before long."
Snorting, Minerva observed the arriving Council members. "They'll expect an update. I leave it to you to determine what to share."
"Wonderful."
"A basic synopsis will do, Severus," she chided before moving to check in with other members.
Will it, though? Snape claimed his windowsill perch and closed his eyes. Despite having the better part of two days to sort himself out, his gut was still sour as he pondered the potential ramifications of sharing or withholding his involvement with the Malfoys' punishment. Tonks had already been informed, which likely meant Lupin was also aware he had betrayed Hermione. They may think him a coward if he concealed it from the Council, yet revealing it may warrant greater scrutiny by the others.
Sensing someone approaching, he cracked open an eye.
"Mornin', Professor," George purred.
Snape dubiously eyed the twins. "What do you want?"
Fred cheekily claimed a spot on the sill beside him. "Remus let us in on a little secret."
Severus's gaze unwittingly flashed to Hermione, seated fortunately near Lupin.
"A juicy tidbit," George commented, leaning against the wall on his other side.
"There's a reason no one's asked him to spy," Snape murmured.
Fred chuckled. "Can you guess what our chatty chipper had to say?"
"He's been defiled by an Auror."
George waggled his eyebrows. "Lucky devil, eh?"
Snape rolled his eyes. "Oh, do keep me in suspense."
"According to Remus –"
"— we're in this little group –"
"—because you put us up for it."
"Everyone makes mistakes," Severus sighed.
"You don't allow mistakes."
The Slytherin snorted bitterly. "My life has been a string of terrible mistakes…but, no, I don't count nominating you devious little bastards among them. Yet."
"Be still my beating heart," George grinned.
"Always knew we were your favorite!"
"All those long hours in detention –"
"—we grew on you."
"Like a fungus," Severus quipped.
"Would the pair of you cease harassing Severus and find a seat?" Minerva swept past.
"Just sharing our appreciation –"
"Well, appreciate him from over there, if you will, before he assigns you something to either clean or disembowel."
"Dibs on disemboweling!" Fred exclaimed as they made their way to the seats beside their elder brother.
Minerva smirked at Snape before clearing her throat. "Shall we get started, then?"
"Dora isn't –"
"Here! I'm here!" A harried Tonks stumbled out from the apparition antechamber. Dropping her heavy cloak on the floor, she squeezed into the armchair with Remus. "Tell me there's booze."
"Biscuits?"
"That'll have to do."
As Kingsley passed her the biscuit tray, Poppy prepared her a strong cup of tea.
"Everything alright, Tonks?"
"Sure. Everything's groovy," she mumbled through biscuit crumbs. "Hankerin' for a moonlit skinny-dip, were you, Professor?"
Snape narrowed his eyes but offered no retort. Her tone was cool and flat; it was neither her typical, playful teasing, nor the anger he expected. Several others, including Hermione, also watched her carefully.
"Reported in Falmouth." Tonks sipped her tea. "Just got out from another bollocking for being too incompetent to catch your slippery hide."
"How bad?" Kingsley asked.
She rolled her shoulder. "I report to Azkaban to dementor-sit starting tomorrow evening."
"You've been reassigned?" Minerva asked, while Moody cursed under his breath.
"Not entirely, no." Tonks loudly snapped a biscuit in half. "Azzy-watch by night, administrative duties for the task force by day. We'll reassess how I can best support the team in 10 days."
While Remus squeezed her shoulder and murmured sympathy in her ear, Minerva leaned against her desk. "So, as of tonight –"
"I won't be much use to any of you."
"That is patently untrue, Nymphadora Tonks," the Headmistress countered. "You will still be in a position – two positions at that – to gather intelligence. We do not know now what will be of use later, so keep your chin up and eyes peeled."
"And your Patronus on standby," Bill suggested.
Minerva nodded. "And whenever you are free of duty, you will come here. The elves will have hot chocolate and meals ready, Severus – or perhaps Hermione – will ensure there are Invigoration Draughts and Cheering Solutions on hand, and Remus will assuredly look after you."
At Remus's uncomfortable expression, Madam Pomfrey straightened. "I can take on that role until you've recovered from the full moon."
"Thank you," he smiled.
"Merlin's sake, I'm not an invalid," Tonks grumbled over her tea. Blowing out a sharp breath, she added, "But I appreciate it all the same."
Minerva nodded and turned to her spy. "Severus – any immediate concerns regarding Azkaban?"
"Besides the obvious?" Raising an eyebrow, he directed his response to the young Auror. "The Dark Lord hasn't expressed concern over losing anyone to Azkaban – beyond general annoyance – which leads me to believe he expects the dementors will fully join his campaign. Given the timing of your reassignment, and Bellatrix's sudden push to exterminate her family, I wouldn't take this as anything less than an overt threat."
"Damn," Tonks groaned. "And here I was looking forward to tea parties with the dementors."
"The reports from Falmouth," Hestia interjected. "Were those supposed sightings or tracking reports?"
"Both, I was told. Hence my utter incompetence in finding anything to support said reports."
"There was no tracking alert sent out from our office last night – real or otherwise," Hestia explained. "That fabrication must have come from the Aurory liaison."
"You're certain?" Kingsley asked.
The witch nodded. "Warner was the only one on duty last night, and he never sent a thing."
"And you know that how?" Moody sneered. "You can account for his every move?"
Cheeks reddening, Hestia kept her eyes on the Headmistress. "Yes. I can account until sunrise. No reports were sent."
"Smethwyck, then," Tonks replied quickly, hoping to spare the witch further embarrassment.
Kingsley rubbed his head. "Or…the tracking office has been known to bypass the liaison and report the whereabouts of a fugitive directly to the head of a task force, in which case we're looking at –"
"Fucking Ulton," Tonks snarled.
"Or both," Severus supplied. "The Dark Lord's been planning a Ministry coup longer than most of us have been alive. His loyalists have been working their way into positions of power for decades."
"If only we had a man in Riddle's Inner Circle who could tell us who the bloody hell these rats are."
"Enough, Alastor," Minerva warned. "Severus has been incredibly helpful thus far and will determine what he can when he can."
"What about Ollivander?" Moody pressed. "Determined anything about him yet? No?"
"We know he's alive," Bill piped up. "The wards active on his shop are living wards, and they're strong. There are death wards in place, but they've not been triggered."
"That is something," Minerva straightened. "How are you progressing?"
"Kings and I have been working to release the wards on the back door and temporarily tie them to what we have in place at Wheezes," Bill explained. "We've been at it three nights now, and I think we're nearly through."
"Given the nature of his wards, Ollivander must be aware of our efforts," Kingsley added, "yet he's not returned to investigate, nor has he reported it to the Aurory."
"Not on holiday, then, is he?" Tonks grumbled. "So, we're down to hiding or kidnapped."
Minerva turned in her chair to study her predecessor's portrait. "Care to weigh in yet?"
When Albus remained silent, she crossed her arms. "Of course not. Why would one want to be helpful when lives are at stake?"
A smug expression bloomed on Aberforth's face as he settled back against his chair. "He doesn't know."
"Pardon?"
"He's staying quiet because he'd rather we think he's deliberately concealing information than admit he's overlooked something critical."
"For heaven's sake, Albus!"
"He doesn't know where Ollivander is, but he's realized he could have known."
As Albus's painted gaze attempted to burn a hole in his brother's forehead, Snape felt his stomach plummet. The effort he had put in to revealing the Dark Lord's interest in wandlore in a way that Dumbledore would trust enough to act on had been wasted. Was I too subtle? If I'd been explicit, he would have dismissed me. Did he not notice? Or did he intentionally ignore the information? Why would he?
"…but as far as we can tell, the shop and its inventory are undisturbed," Kingsley stated, pulling Snape's attention back to the meeting. "We'll look for any signs of foul play when we get inside."
"The wands…" Minerva stood up and moved around her desk. "Can we remove them, do you think?"
"We're going to steal them?" Hermione gasped.
"Really?" George asked, while his twin whispered, "Wicked."
As the rest of the group shared uncomfortable looks, Snape rolled his eyes. "Of course, we could leave them in place for the Dark Lord to find."
"Or for the corrupt bumtags at the Ministry to confiscate," Aberforth gruffed.
"Your point is taken, gentlemen," Minerva paced further into the room. "Whoever controls access to wands determines who can safely channel their magic. I certainly don't want that power falling into Riddle's hands. We need unregistered wands to avoid detection, and we need to be able to provide Muggleborns or whomever else may require a wand with a wand. I shudder to think what will happen once the Ministry falls."
"Based on what we've encountered with the wards so far, I'd wager Ollivander has additional anti-theft measures in place," Bill theorized. "It'll take time to counteract those measures, but I should think it possible."
Kingsley nodded. "We'll know more when we get inside, of course, but what do we do with the inventory if we can move it?"
Minerva touched her face and scanned the group. "I haven't a clue, but I don't think we should delay on this. For now, I say we bring them here, and figure out how best to safely store or distribute them at that point."
"How do we get them out of Diagon?" Remus asked. "Surely, apparition isn't a very viable option."
"No. The time and energy it would take…" Minerva crossed back to perch on the desk's edge.
As the Council quietly contemplated the issue, Severus eventually noticed the Weasley twins exchanging glances in a way that often resulted in them spending the evening scrubbing cauldrons. "Something to share, gentlemen?"
"Well, Professor…"
Minerva tuttled loudly. "As I informed Severus last week, there is no need for titles in this group. We are all contributing, and each of us is dependent on the rest. Hermione, this goes for you as well – you are no longer students, and I will not have you thinking you are any less vital than the rest of us.
"And I'm certain Severus has no qualms with you using his name."
Snape glared at the smirking Headmistress, though he knew her instruction was made in part to prevent suspicion should he or Hermione unwittingly call each other by their given name.
"In that case," Fred began again. "Well, Severus –"
The Slytherin rolled his eyes, while Hermione failed to hide her amusement.
"- once or twice a month, we have a shipment go abroad."
"We load up a wizardwagon that has an undetectable extension charm, which transports itself across the channel, where the shipment is transferred to the wholesaler," George explained.
"The wagon returns empty within two days. Occasionally, we send another load out that week."
"We haven't received an order yet this month, but no one beyond ourselves and our wholesaler would know that."
"So, we could fill crates with wands and send the wizardwagon to Scotland instead."
"Clever sods," Tonks grinned, holding out the tray. "Have a biscuit."
Moody leaned his elbow on his knee. "If anyone's watching the school gates, they may wonder what's being sent to an allegedly empty castle."
"Medical supplies?" Pomfrey suggested. "Though, we just had a shipment before the staff were sent home."
"Folks have been drinking me out of house and home these days," Aberforth commented. "No one would bat an eye over a few extra deliveries. Rosmerta gets one every other day now."
"And how does that get them in the castle?" Moody questioned.
Minerva expectantly raised her brow at the Weasley twins, who exclaimed, "Through the tunnel, of course!"
Agreeing the proposed solution held merit, the Council spent several more minutes hammering out details. When they were satisfied there was a tenable plan in place, they continued with other updates.
"Hermione, you've had some success this week, haven't you?" Minerva smiled.
The young witch returned a nervous grin. "Professor Snape –"
The Headmistress coughed.
"Sorry," Hermione blushed, "Severus has been teaching me to brew the Wolfsbane potion. He did most of the work with the main stock, of course, but I've brewed a few of the nightly doses on my own so he could focus on other things."
As several voices quietly congratulated her, Fred beamed. "And you didn't poison Remus!"
The girl gulped, but Remus quickly spoke up. "Not even a little bit."
Hermione sheepishly returned his smile, and Tonks appreciatively patted her boyfriend's chest.
"Severus," Minerva shifted her attention. "You've been busy preparing the restorative draught, I know, but perhaps you could share with us what you've learned?"
Nodding, the wizard straightened in his seat. His eyes left the Headmistress and flitted about the room from Tonks, to Hermione, to Poppy, and then to Hestia, who had been absently twisting a napkin in her lap for much of the meeting. These five women had already sacrificed a great deal and were risking their reputation, security, and well-being on his behalf.
Peering over his shoulder at Dumbledore's frowning portrait, Severus came to a decision. As much as it terrified him, he would be as open and honest with the Council as he could be without jeopardizing his relationship with Hermione. Each day was more dangerous than the last; he could not risk taking his secrets to the grave and leaving them to flounder in the dark.
Drawing in a steadying breath, he raised his chin and began. "The Dark Lord is losing his grip."