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Some of the tension in Castle's body releases after he visits his friend, after he can see for his own eyes that the detective is fine and will make a full recovery. He feels guilty that he'd been away when it happened — that he didn't even know about it at all — but Ryan thought nothing of it, brushed off Castle's apologies.
He knows Esposito won't be nearly as forgiving.
And Kate — well.
By the way both the boys talk, he's not sure any form of heartfelt apology or begging will carve a chink out of that armor.
He can't put his finger on it, but he just feels like there's an important piece of the puzzle he's missing out of this whole thing — other than the last six months and Ryan's brush with death.
He knows even Beckett can be a slave to unnecessary guilt sometimes, but from what little he's gathered and observed, she seems to be...drowning in it. There's something more at work here, and he's itching to figure it out.
And, at the root of it all, there's just the plain fact that he's missed her terribly.
When he goes to bed that night after visiting Ryan, he dreams about the haunted, broken look on her face the night before in the coffee shop.
When Beckett steps off the precinct elevator on Friday, she feels a little more human, more alert. She hates to admit it, but her day off yesterday had been (mostly) exactly what she needed. Despite the rocky start to her conversation with Ryan, it eased some of the tightness in her chest to be able to see that his recovery is going well.
After she left his place, she stopped for a coffee at one of her favorite book shops and just let herself linger there the rest of the early afternoon, cozying up in a worn-out armchair with a wrinkled paperback as she watched the first snowfall of the season hit the New York streets.
On her way back to her place, she picked up a bottle of wine and an early dinner from her favorite Chinese takeout place before kicking back with a "Temptation Lane" marathon the rest of the day.
Her sleep that night was still fitful, restless, but it'd still been a marked improvement over the last week.
Beckett shoots LT a friendly little smile as he steps onto the elevator behind her. "Hey, Beckett. You know you just missed Mr. Castle?"
Kate freezes in her tracks, looks over her shoulder at the uniformed officer so quickly that she jerks her neck. "What?"
"Castle, he was just he-" but the ill-timed closing of the elevator doors cuts him off.
It takes her a second to recover, off-kilter now, anxiety roiling in her stomach, as she approaches their set of desks.
Her gaze immediately snaps to Montgomery and Esposito talking in low, hushed voices in the doorway of the Captain's office. Montgomery's eyes flicker up to meet Beckett's, noticing her arrival for the first time. He nudges Esposito away with the shake of his head and ducks back into his office, closing the door behind him.
Huh.
"Beckett," Esposito greets her with a smile that's too wide, too flashy. "How was your day off yesterday?"
Kate narrows her eyes at him. "Cut the crap, Espo. What's going on?"
"Nothing. A guy can't ask his friend how her day off was without getting his head bit off?"
She sighs, cocking a hand on her hip as she drapes her coat over the back of her chair with the other. "No, I just…" Her jacket falls to the floor and she purses her lips in irritation, bending over to pick it up. But the rest of her sentence gets stuck in her throat as she spots a too familiar to-go cup beside her keyboard.
Startled, her eyes fly to Espo, who stands calmly, waiting her out.
Her jaw clenches. "Is he still here?" she asks tightly.
He shakes his head. "He popped in for about 5 minutes, said he just wanted to bring you that." Espo nods to her drink.
Beckett nods dumbly, her eyes falling to the cup as she lifts a hand to trace the rim of the lid with her thumb.
She spots a yellow post-it on the side, recognizes it from the stack on her desk. There in his blocky scrawl: I just got back to town, but I should've called sooner. I'm sorry.
Yeah. So is she.
Swallowing hard, she backs away from the gesture and turns her attention back to Esposito.
"Bring me up to speed on the body drop from yesterday."
Beckett manages to put Castle out of her mind for the rest of the day, tracking down a few leads on their latest case. She's more than ready to stay late again, but closing the case relies on an essential witness, who's unreachable out of state until Monday.
And unfortunately, she's not the only one with that pertinent bit of information.
"You heading out soon, Beckett?" Montgomery asks her around 5 o'clock, shrugging into his coat, briefcase in hand. But she knows him - it's not a question.
"Yes, sir," she confirms. "I'll see you Monday." She's kind of hoping to get a call for a body this weekend, but he doesn't need to know that.
Esposito snags her attention. "Yo Beckett, you want to grab a drink? Lanie and a couple others from the ME's office are headed to a bar downtown."
She opens her mouth in reply, gets cut off by the vibration of her cell, alerting her to an incoming text. She looks down and her mouth goes dry when she sees it's from him.
Can we talk? is all it says.
"Beckett?" Esposito asks again.
"Um," she pockets her phone, blinking slowly at the intrusion. "Yeah, Javi. A drink sounds good." Forcing a small smile, she looks up at him this time. "Where?"
They head to a quaint little bar she's never heard of called The Old Haunt, a bit of a hole-in-the-wall type of place. She's curious how they ended up here in the first place, but Lanie informs her that one of her colleagues in the M.E.'s office is close friends with the bartender working tonight.
Leaning against the bar, Kate takes a long swig of her beer, nudging Lanie with an elbow. "So what's up with you and Espo?" She nods toward the Hispanic detective.
Several feet separate her friends — Esposito deep in conversation with a uni he's pals with — but Kate clocks the two of them eyeing each other every 30 seconds or so.
Lanie nearly chokes on her cocktail. "What? Me and Javi?" She wipes her mouth. "That's funny."
"Javi, huh?" Kate rolls her eyes. "You remember what I do for a living, right?" Her gaze flits between her two friends and she quirks an eyebrow at her best friend. "Besides, the two of you aren't exactly subtle."
Lanie lifts her drink, unraveling a finger to point it at Kate. "All right, but this stays between you and me."
"Understood."
"Javi and I…" Lanie grins a little. "We're just havin' fun right now."
"But you really like him, huh?"
Lanie narrows her eyes at her. "Don't tell him I said that."
Kate laughs. "I think he probably knows, Lane."
"So what's going on with you?" Lanie takes a sip of her drink, turning away from making eyes at Esposito to clamber onto a bar stool next to Kate.
Lanie's voice is a little too casual though — and Beckett wonders how far exactly Lanie and Esposito's pillow talk goes.
Kate sighs, settling in on the seat next to her. "Esposito told you that Castle's back, didn't he?"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Beckett shrugs. "I ran into him two days ago for about 2 minutes. Not much to tell." Her gaze dips to the distracted play of her hands, her fingers tearing at the corner of her drink label.
"And uh, that little coffee this morning?"
Kate groans. "Okay, seriously?"
"What? Javi and I don't keep secrets from each other."
"No, just between you and the rest of the world," Beckett replies wryly.
"Look Kate, I'm your best friend. " Lanie lifts her drink to signal the bartender for another round. "And I know you like to keep your heart locked away so no one can ever see it, but honey, it's clear as day how much you want that man."
"But - "
"Yeah, I know he was a jackass who didn't call, but you're not really going to hold that against him forever, are you?" Lanie tilts her head in sympathy and Kate's heart clenches in her chest.
"It's not that simple," Kate says weakly. She's not mad at him, not really. It's so much deeper than that and it's just...better this way. For everyone. Including Castle.
"Yeah, well, who said love is?" Off Kate's horrified look, Lanie adds, "Oh don't give me that look, Kate Beckett. If you're not already in love with Writer Boy, you are well on your way."
The bartender sweeps in then, depositing two fresh drinks in front of them. Lanie tosses a couple of ones onto the bar. "I'm going to go find Javi. You comin'?"
"In a minute."
"All right, but if you're drinking by yourself for longer than five minutes, I'm hauling your butt over."
The corners of Kate's mouth twitch in amusement. "Noted." Lanie saunters off with one last disapproving glance over her shoulder and Beckett takes that as her cue to remove herself from the lonely spot at the edge of the bar.
She walks past a middle-aged man playing the piano effortlessly, stopping to pull a few ones from her pocket. Kate smiles and tucks it into his tip jar with a brief nod before she slides away to a wall that caught her eye earlier.
She sees now that it's adorned with dozens of framed photos of famous writers — Hemingway, Faulkner, Vonnegut, Steinbeck, and a handful of others she recognizes upon first glance.
Including a very familiar face in a gold frame. Hang on, is that -
"I know what you're thinking: 'He hasn't aged a bit.'" Kate's fingernails dig into her palms as the deep chuckle of the man speaking behind her caresses the shell of her ear.
Castle.
She spins around so fast that she narrowly avoids sloshing her drink all over the two of them.
"Fancy meeting you here." His blue eyes twinkle with affection and she swallows hard, steeling herself against it. He looks good in his dark blue shirt that's skipped the first two buttons, his hair deliciously tousled. Even now, her attraction to him curls low in her belly.
Ugh.
"You stalking me now, Castle?" She's shooting for a joke, but it comes out harsh, makes the bright lights in his eyes dim.
Oh, but that doesn't make her feel good, either.
"This is a writer's bar, Beckett. And I do believe," he adds, taking one step closer. "You came into the coffee shop after me the other night."
She rolls her eyes. "Whatever, Castle."
"Did you get my text?" he asks.
"And your coffee," she confirms tightly, gritting her teeth.
He cocks his head, a little incredulous. "You are mad at me."
She sighs. "I'm not...anything at you, Castle."
"Yes, you are," he protests.
"Fine," she snaps. "I'm mad, okay?"
"Kate - "
Her first name on his lips sends her heart skittering. She does her best to ignore it.
"Now that we've solved this little mystery, can I go? If I don't find Lanie, she might send out a search party," she says lamely. Kate starts to turn away, but he stops her with a gentle hand at her elbow.
"Kate, I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you."
She hesitates, softening at the sincere apology written in the lines of his face.
Damn it.
"I appreciate that," she says softly, swallowing hard. "I just don't think this is a good idea."
His hand falls away, his shoulders stiffening in response. "And by this, you mean…"
She bites her bottom lip. "Any of it."
Kate swears part of her dies in that moment and she forces herself to look away, can't take the disappointment that radiates off him.
She sucks in a breath. "Bye, Castle."
Castle is at a loss, can't do anything except watch her disappear into the throng of patrons. He knows her, knows she's saying goodbye to Lanie now and heading home. Won't stay now that she knows he's here.
It was by pure coincidence that he ran into her — Alexis went ice-skating with some friends and his mother had a date, and he decided he had better things to do than sit at home by himself on a Friday night.
He called up a few of his old writer friends and they got around to reminiscing, realizing it had been far too long since they'd graced the hallowed halls of their favorite haunt.
He'd walked up to the bar to order a Scotch just as Beckett was leaving her stool, and Castle watched with a smile as she tipped the pianist. He told himself he'd stay away — at least for a few more minutes, so he could figure out how to utilize the opportunity to the best of his ability, figure out the right thing to say — but then when she paused in front of the Wall of Writers, her breath hitching as she spotted him, his feet flew to her on their own accord.
Their encounter had been all too brief, but it revealed a lot.
Namely, that this seemed to be about a hell of a lot more than a six-month lack of communication.
He needs to talk to Lanie, if she hasn't left with Kate.
He checks in with his other friends — who are hundreds deep into a tipsy poker game — and wanders around for a few minutes, spotting both Lanie and Esposito in a corner with a couple of unis he thinks he recognizes from the precinct.
Esposito notices him first. "Castle? What are you doin' here?"
"I'm here with a couple of my writing buddies. I used to spend hours in this place when I got my start," he says, shaking hands with LT as he claps him on the back.
"Huh. Small world."
Castle turns to Lanie, opens his mouth to say hello but she cuts him off, her gaze narrowing in suspicion.
"You talked to Beckett just now, didn't you?"
"We may have bumped into each other," he hedges.
Lanie purses her lips. "No wonder that girl hightailed it out of here so fast. I knew somethin' was up."
Castle winces. "Yeah. Sorry."
Lanie waves him off. "It's not your fault, Castle. Beckett's weird these days."
"So this isn't about me?" he asks.
"Oh no, it's about you, all right," Lanie nods, pointing at him with her drink. "But maybe it's a little too much about you, you know what I'm sayin'?"
"I really really don't."
He looks helplessly at Esposito, who just shakes his head and points at Lanie, curling his other hand into an imaginary cup as he pretends to down it.
Lanie slaps Esposito gently on the chest. "Javier Esposito, I am not that drunk."
"Girl, you got eyes in the back of your head or somethin'?"
"Guys," Castle interjects. "Can we just focus for like five seconds?"
"Bro, I don't know what to tell you. She's as stubborn as a damn donkey, that one."
Castle blinks at him slowly. "The phrase is 'stubborn as a mule,' Esposito."
Lanie snorts. Esposito glares at her, turns back to Castle. "Whatever. I don't know how to help you." He looks him up and down. "Or even if I want to. You know, come to think of it, I'm still mad at you, too."
Castle groans, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "Okay," he sighs out. God, he's been here all of 20 minutes and he's exhausted. "How can I make it up to you?"
He's already made up with Ryan, and it wouldn't hurt to get Esposito back on his good side, too. He missed all of them.
"Floor seats to the Knicks."
Well, that's not surprising. Esposito has always been less forgiving than Ryan, but he's also wildly transparent.
Castle lifts his hands in supplication. "Fine. They're yours. Happy now?"
"Ecstatic." Esposito bends over, dribbling an imaginary basketball before he takes a jump shot.
"Okayyy," Castle drawls, clapping his hands together. "I think this is where I say goodnight. Thank you both, you've been...surprisingly very little help."
"She'll come around, Castle. Just keep pestering her in that annoying way like you always do," Lanie says sweetly.
Castle frowns for a second. He shakes his head, lets it go. "I'll talk to you both soon." He turns away to rejoin his poker pals, but - ah, wait. "Before I forget," he snaps his fingers. "My annual Christmas party. Two weeks from tonight. Catered, lots of booze. You're all invited." He points at LT and the rest of the unis.
"Count us in, bro." Espo holds his fist out and Castle taps it with his. "You want me to pass along the message to Beckett?"
Castle hesitates. "No. I'll do it." He needs an excuse to see her, anyway. Even a flimsy one like that.
Esposito shrugs. "Your funeral."
"Is she working tomorrow?"
The detective shakes his head. "She's supposed to be on call, but Montgomery doesn't want her working 'til Monday."
Hmm. All right. Castle can work with that.
Maybe.