Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader: Fictional Character Edition
The lights shined bright and the stage opened up to show three figures standing there. The tv presenter presented the new contestants of "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader" and said, "Let's give it up for Brittany Pierce, Cookie Monster, and Alf." The Blonde was smiling in her William McKinley High School cheerleading uniform, showing youth in her eyes as she had recently turned 18 and was preparing to graduate. Cookie Monster, who was in his 50s, and Alf, who was 228, both were predictably naked, but both were muppets and one wasn't born on this planet.
The first question said "Which of these countries never occupied Texas?" and the answers were:
France
Britain
Spain
Mexico
Unfortunately, none of the contestants got the right answer. Brittany claimed "Spain, they didn't cross the Atlantic until 1942." Alf answered France and said "They have El Gato on every menu there, they didn't need to get more cats there", unaware that Gateau in French does NOT mean cat. Cookie Monster said "Mexico, me want cookie", thinking they had enough cookies there and did not want to cross the Rio Grande. The presenter said "Unfortunately, nobody gets any points, but Britain was correct." The announcer continued with a basic history lesson and corrected everyone.
The next question was about wild animals and said "Which of these mammals lays eggs"? The presenter said "While mammals don't normally lay eggs, there are some exceptions. and the answers were:
A. Platypus
B. Elephant
C. Tiger
D. Mouse
Brittany winked and then said, "The Mouse, why would a creature that cute give live birth, that's gross, and I don't want to have to give birth to a baby myself either." Alf answered, saying, "The Tiger, it is a big kitty and I always wanted to make an omelet involving cat eggs." Meanwhile, Cookie Monster said "Cookie Monster thinks Elephant lay egg as they are big like big cookie". Of course, they were all wrong and the presenter said "Platypus is correct." The announcer then made corrections and explained what a monotreme is.
More time passed and several commercials played. One of the commercials was for a reboot of Buffy on DisneyPlus where she was Black and Giles was a white lesbian played by Zoie Palmer. Another one was a tourist ad for Belarus, which was now a democracy that sold itself as "the Europe of Yesterday" and "Russia in miniature". Finally, the show started back up with the final question:
The topic was chemistry and the question was "Which of these elements is a gas at room temperature?" The presented continued "Remember your periodic tables for this":
Nickel
Potassium
Krypton
Carbon
As has on previous rounds, Brittany spoke first and said "Potassium, as I have to manage my diet so I don't pass gas while cheerleading." Alf then pitched in and said "Carbon" as he assumed that cats were made of carbon, which while correct, was wrong for the question. Then Cookie Monster argued, "Nickel as me want cookie to cost a nickel". The announcer then pitched in and said "None of you get any points, the answer is krypton."
The announcer ended the game by saying "That's all folks" the way Porky Pig said it and said the game was historic as nobody got a single right answer. The announcer pointed out, before ending "Even Patrick Star had gotten one answer right completely by accident".
The End