Chapter 9: Our Very Own Annual Progress Day

Summary:

Viktor and Jayce's Subconscious Mind (A.K.A. Dark Jayce) finally converse in the astral realm through their shared Arcanic connection. Both stand their ground. There's a lot to discuss, a lot of finger pointing, you know, all the good stuff. Who is to blame for Jayce's memory loss? What do they both want? Note: This chapter mostly takes place inside of Jayce's mind through the Arcanic connection. The conversation is heated to say the least. So let's dive in!

AND WOW 5000 hits? That's amazing! (AO3)

Notes:

Don't forget to refill your coffee cup/tea mug. These guys talk a lot, you gonna need your fluids xD

Well, I do. I still sneeze a little, but, you know, sleeping well paid off. So I'm finally back in the game and have just finished this chapter. Hope you enjoy all the sarcasm and sass of these men. It's the usual, lovely stuff ;) Shit gets tense though.

(See the end of the chapter formore notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 9. Our Very Own Annual Progress Day

Viktor's P.O.V.

Last time on The Cutting Edge of Tranquility and Turbulence:

Viktor gasped at the sight.

The Gates opened on their own accord.

Unlike anything he would have predicted beforehand, someone walked through.

Someone fully dressed in black, and with a golden embroidered "T" on his cloak.

This man smiled. More like a smirk than a smile, Viktor observed. This man couldn't be... Jayce's subconscious embodied in human form? Inside of his own mind?

'Come out and play, ah?' subconscious Jayce sneered. 'We will see about that.'

'Ah,' Viktor murmured, his tone of voice expectant. 'And with whom do I have the pleasure?

'Are you being serious? Is this a question or what?' Subconscious Jayce shot back at him. 'And this comes from someone who claims thatJaycehas lost his mind? How utterly pathetic.'

The Herald opened his mouth, but changed his mind at the last moment.

This is Jayce's essence.

His subconscious mind, the most authentic part of his mind.

Which means: "this" Jayce has all the answers I crave. About what happened to him. The broad scope of his mental illness. Everything's almost in reach, almost in the palm of my hand….

And here he is. Right in front of me, in the flesh. Well... Metaphysically in the astral realm, so to speak.

But... This…. Conversation is held within the domain of the Arcane. So how come I can't hear his thoughts, which is the case with the other, sleeping Jayce? Or-

'You are at a loss, its obvious to me. It must be very frustrating to you, feeling so confused with such an astounding, marvelous mind of yours.'

The Herald quickly removed his frown from his face.No….. Now I get it…. These thoughts come forth from a certain source…. This Jayce come across as... sharper and darker than the other version. As if his intuition is way more developed… But... if this ís his essence, then this is the real Jayce. Which means… the real Jayce suppressed some parts of himself as I dont recognize this vibe emanating from him…. Or perhaps its as a consequence of the state his current, mental health is in. He might no longer been able to control these parts from resurfacing regardless if these hurt him or not.

Viktor approached Dark Jayce who without any sliver of doubt in Viktors mind, blocked his path to reach the Gates.Hm, this will be interesting. Fine. Lets talk.

'It must be very frustrating for you that you had to keep your shadow side hidden for so long. Now I see you for what you truly are. Your soul is much darker than I previously realized. Have you been trying to hide this from me all this time too? You must be terrified I would find out. The Jayce I knew had a high social standard to uphold, but frankly, all his charming side comes down to has been a mere façade, a mask to hide behind.' Viktor responded, clutching his blue cloak with one hand unconsciously.

Both his and Jayces subconscious had no solid form, everything was oddly translucent and moved at the outer edges. Therefore, he concluded he didn't have a chance in here to use his mastery of the Arcane to his advantage. This was definitely not the playing field for that. At most, he could gain information and convince this Dark Jayce to grant him access to his memories. His Mind Palace.

'I guess your change of career path has been the right one after all, Herald. Since one hell-bent on healing the unsick is considerably less destructive than a scientist who has gone fully rogue.' Dark Jayce laughed, the light in his eyes a big contrast with the dark sky surrounding them.

Ah…. The dark sky…Im thinking of you…..Sky….

All these stars… I couldn't save you from your suffering. But I will save you, Jayce. If I have to manipulate and deceive your subconscious mind to do so, I will. Everything I do, is to get back to you. Is to save you from lapsing into an empty shell, losing all that was ever you, all that made you who you are.

Trust me, Im on it.

I heal the willing. These people actually have ailments, some suffered for years on end. They ask for my aid and they appreciate my help.

Jayce didnt. Dark Jayce scoffed. Trying to overrule him isnt the way to go about it, right? What happened to the concept of free will? A patient's consent? Enlighten me, Messiah. Yours as the brightest minds of them all should be able to explain that to this lost soul, right?'

'He- no,youcouldn't do so. Your consent didn't need to be taken into account.'

'That's a vicious cycle, a fallacy anda lie. All in one. Under no circumstance this fallacy holds up. You should release Jayce at once, since he has never agreed in the first place.'

'I am so sorry Jayce, I can't do that. I promised to take care of all those willing. As you've arrived on my doorstep, you chose to seek out my help. And as it turned out, you had all the more right to do so, since your suffering runs deep…. You're very ill, I won't give up on you, my friend.'

'Again, that's not for you to decide.'

'It is. You might feel conflicted inside, your subconscious clashing with the conscious,' Viktor mused. 'Still, your inner conflict doesn't prevent me from treating you and doesn't discourage me in the slightest. Actually, I've got even more reason to do so.'

'You know what is? That sadistic nature of yours.' Dark Jayce spat out, his hands two fists at his sides and some muscles in his face twitching. 'Gambling, taking risks with other people's lives. Just as you did with your assistant, who's not around anymore to tell the story what she felt inside the moment you ripped her to pieces. And right now, you keep on experimenting with other victims, you've lost any ethical considerations and soon you will lose your last remnants of humanity altogether. But somehow, these latest experiments didn't satisfy your cravings to dominate, so you went for Jayce's sanity. Breaking down his mind. Keeping him locked up in a darkened room, chained to the goddamn bed. You call that treatment? I call these antics out for what they are. You're torturing him, using psychological methods if you have to. The ones Stillwater used in the past and never reused again – with good reason - which you already should have been aware of since weve spoken a lot about that prison and alleviating prisoner conditions, back in the day. And has anything for the disadvantaged changed after our talks? Nothing. It's even worse, that's the irony, isn't it? With you of all people, This Herald-persona of yours, the people of the Undercity - your victims - are even worse off. As the Herald, you didn't care for the most unprivileged and marginalized of society. At their lowest point, you took advantage of their vulnerabilities.'

A silence followed, both men staring at each other's forms. Jayce's essence contrasting his own, since Viktor didn't move an inch and Jayce's form paced from left to right. His anger finally coming out full force, no longer hidden beneath the surface. A feeling of seething resentment took over.

'Even as you might try to break him, you won't get far. I will make sure you won't succeed anyways. You can't dominate him using your tricks and schemes. I have seen right through it and you know you can't get rid of his subconscious. So I will make sure my influence plays a bigger role if you decide to up the stakes. You can't outmatch me.'

'You're quite convinced about your abilities. Are you not concerned, in time, I have to resort to blowing up these Gates?' Viktor asked calmly. 'As you and I both now by now, miracles can happen. I might find another cure, bypassing you if I have to. See…. I'm also quite confident I'm able to outmatch you, if I have to.'

Well, it's a stalemate. As we've both concluded, you might be able to overrule someone's consent, but you can't overrule their inner will. In this realm, you won't learn anything of interest about me. You may try to manipulate Jayce, but you can't affect his subconscious mind to do as you please. As I am immune to any kinds of treachery. Provoking me won't get you anywhere, banging on the Gates won't get you anywhere neither. I will just block you from the inside out, which's a matter of seconds. You might think of yourself as an unparalleled mage…. Well, mages are not the only ones able to affect the inner workings of someone's mind. Sorry to shatter that frail self-image of yours. I hope by know you understand I'm not someone to fuck around with. Unlike the speed of light, your lies won't travel far in here. I see right through your deception. Your playtime is over,Herald.'

Viktor halted, caught of guard at the end. Two things this Jayce just said, spiked his interest. He started with the last one.

'Why do you choose to address me like that? What happened to "Viktor"? I didn't expect you to take on customs and traditions of our Commune.'

'Why? As that's who you choose to become. You deliberately chose to forsake your humanity, Herald.'

The Herald blinked and averted his gaze. 'Such a pity this is how far the disease has progressed. You try all you can to keep me out…. Whilst all I want for you is to feel at peace, to lay down your weapons to the ground… To finally...relax. To mend this source of pain, which has obviously taken its toll on your mind for an unhealthy long time… It's worse than I expected. This must be the source of Jayces hallucinations and delusions. His recurring nightmares. So… instead of pointing the finger at me… you should blame yourself for contributing to his suffering. No… you might have caused this, started this all by yourself. You can blame me all you want, forsaking humanity you said? Well, these are just ramblings of an ill, weakened man. You forsook and you still forsake your own health as you actively sabotage the only one who is able and wants to help. That's proof enough to me you've fully gone over the edge. You don't even want to be healed. You'd rather lash out at me. Your friend.'

Dark Jayce threw his head back, his impatience palpable. 'As usual, you wont even take other more likely explanations into account, which is such a narrow-minded way to process information. At least that thick skull of yours hasnt changed, Herald. Something's still recognizable, well, that's a blast.' Jayce joked, his sarcasm reaching its peak, his eyes twinkling in ways Viktor's stomach churned inside. 'That might be your last remaining human feature at display. Your incessant tendency to run in circles, this tunnel vision of yours. All of your human flaws you couldn't get rid of. He lifted his hand and pointed at the Gates. 'If that's all you are up to, forcing yourself inside of Jayce's memories in the name of "alleviating all of his suffering", you are sorely mistaken about the odds. It's impossible to pull off.'

'Well….' The Herald answered swiftly. 'It's neither impossible or possible. It's both at the same time, depending on-'

Dark Jayce's corner of his mouth curled in a twisted smirk. 'Its host.'

'It depends on the subconscious mind, yes.' Viktor acknowledged. 'You.'

'So in here, I hold all the power in the palm of my hand and you… don't.'

Well, damn right he did. In all cases, a mind of an unwilling patient could not be treated, since any Arcanic intervention relies on this Arcanic connection between Healer and Host. Viktor understood this cooperation between him and his patients is paramount to obtain any results. Only Jayce tried to resist Viktor's attempts to calm his mind, his inductions of soothing words, his attempts to read his mind and to get a glimpse of his memories. Only Jayce pushed back. His friend's mind is a strong one and his growing mistrust regarding Viktor's intentions resulted in strife. Jayce's resistance however, probably decreases more and more as he stays and rests in the Commune, as he gets used to his new life and adjusts accordingly. Things would probably get a lot better if he would be given more time to get used to his new life in the Commune. Nonetheless…. Regarding his attempts to keep Viktor out of his memories, Jayce-

'He succeeded. Well...to be precise... I succeeded in maintaining this boundary to protect Jayce's privacy. And I intend to keep it that way.' Dark Jayce swiftly interjected. 'Your powers don't overcome strict laws of Nature. You could try every trick in the book, but you as well as I understand you can't treat someone's mind if the patient's not on board. So you'd better release Jayce at once, since he will never change his mind. Because I never will.'

The Herald looked for a short moment at the Walls. Well, Dark Jayce was right about that. This defensive structure is impossible to breach, unless he would choose to resort to drastic measurements, a risk Viktor wasn't willing to take. Unlike this Jayce's claims, he would never decide on a course of action without weighing all of the pros and cons first. Breaching wouldn't suffice if diplomacy is still an option to consider.

Well…. Diplomacy wasn't going well either… He almost regretted his latest attempt to attack Jayce's defensive structures. This probably resulted in Jayce mistrusting him even more and more. And now Dark Jayce had stepped forward of his own accord. To set the record straight. Probably to kick some ass as well. Ehm… not like that, but close. His words still bothered Viktor like a rain of arrows piercing him in different places, even though the young mage remained composed at all times. Just like Jayce, he wears his own mask. One of indifference almost. Being unbothered. Unfaced. Untouched.

'You are hurting him and we both know it. You deliberately hurt him.' Dark Jayce said, his tone unmistakably threatening. Like a warning, reminding Viktor to stay out of Jayce's mind.

These words unsettled Viktor in ways no one could, only Jayce would be able to. Regardless, he concealed his reactions effortlessly.

'I am listening.' Viktor slowly said, as he averted his gaze and swallowed, trying to eliminate the lump in his throat.

'Don't act like you are unaware. You heard him screaming in his sleep. Him begging you to stop.Begging you.His migraines. His body running a fever at this véry moment. Such a thought-out, carefully chosen moment whilst you decide to put even more strain and pressure on his mind and body. Well done, splendid. His body….almost convulsed in the other realm, you know. For one whose insistence on catering to his "patient's health and needs" is repeated so often, you do a bloody awful job, I will tell you that. Such a caring, empathic Healer you have become.'

The Herald still didn't look Dark Jayce in the eye. He sat down, his back to one of the translucent walls. 'I have never had a patient like Jayce before. From what I see, your determination to resist me every step of the way is what's caused all of this. I have always patched him up, consoled him, comforted him after he's had one of his recurrent nightmares. I made sure I blocked each of his memories after our treatment sessions, so he could fully focus on healing.'

'You don't get to decide which memory stays and which goes. Playing with someone's mind, experimenting like that is unethical! Meddling with their memories is a sure way to destabilize their cognitive functions altogether. You can't do this and you know it. Or did this whole Savior thing go to your head?'

'If meddling is what I'll have to do in order to restore Jayce's spirit, then that's exactly what I will do.'

Dark Jayce gritted his teeth. 'Well, we've got quite the problem on our hands. As we've both meddled. I wonder how that will play out.'

'You've complicated this, blocking all of his memories about me.' The Herald finally spat out, unusually angered. 'He forgot everything related to me. You're to blame for that.'

'I complicated this? You started this! You overstepped and you know it. Had you not attacked both the Walls and Gates in the first place, I wouldn't need to resort to taking matters into my own hands.'

'I had to. Jayce wasn't particularly talkative after our reunion. I wanted to know what happened. So I reached inside as far as I could, to get to the bottom of this problem.'

'Oh, you wanted to know, but have you - only once - truly asked?' Dark Jayce spat out. 'Sorry to remind you, Herald, you never confirmed or even initiated to ask your friendhisside of the story. All you did was claiming the man had lost his friggin' mind. Doesn't do wonders, right? You lost his trust for good. As I just said, yóú overstepped his boundaries. And you think trying to erase his latest memories was conducive to his health? You are a very sick man, Herald.'

'It was meant to be temporarily, a temporary solution! I never intended or wanted for Jayce to turn into this… empty shell he has become. And you can accuse me all you'd like, but I have only blocked his latest memories for now. Whilst you blocked all of our shared history. Don't take this out on me, your reaction caused all of this. Mental illness must have corrupted you too, you're being way too cruel to him. Almost seems like it, you want to. In that case, I can add self-harming to his list of symptoms as well. You're the source of all of his pain.'

'Take that back.'

'I won't. I want answers, and I want them now. What happened in the last couple of hours? Just before I finally could calm Jayce down so he could rest. What did you inflict on him?' Viktor demanded, his voice firm and his jaw tense.

'I have my reasons and I will surely not share them withhis jailor.'

'You erasedallof our mutual memories! How could you?'

'Well, Herald, I can say one thing. Let's say I blocked all of these memories for a reason - that's your hypothesis mind you – would you have any logical explanation to reach that conclusion? The simplest one usually suffices.'

'You have some ulterior motive, that's for sure. For what it's worth and what I'm able to deduce for now based on Jayce's repetitive, rigid thought pattern whilst in my care, you are trying your utmost best to hide something from me. Something I should not see or know about. Which probably has to do with Jayce's inability to control his emotions, his agressive, erratic, compulsive behavior… You don't want anything standing in his way to succeed with this "so-called mission" of his- noyours. He told me he felt literally forced, compelled to complete his mission. To make the arrest. To stop me, as he told me several times. So you're aiding him in doing so, you instill thoughts in him - these delusions - destabilizing his mind if you have to. My actions might hurt him in the short term, yours last for a lifetime if they are not kept in check. At least I'm trying to help, you only feed the monsters in his head, causing him to self-destruct if this goes on. I won't let you do so, whatever your reason for that might be. I won't allow you to endanger my friend's stability regarding his mental health any longer.'

No…. It's even more insidious than that… His subconscious not only wants to hide something from me...

'Ah. Now I see. You want him to remain skeptical during his stay in the Commune…. whilst he's in my care.'

Dark Jayce only smirked. 'Your manipulations won't work if the person you try to manipulate doesn't care for you, doesn't trust you. You're back at square 1.'

This illness…. I need to eradicate it, fast. I need to work on his mind in ways in which I am able to reach his subconscious by bypassing it. The newest pardox of them all.

'Ah….that's where you've got it all wrong… You see….' Viktor says, his voice quiet, almost too soft. It's dangerous undercurrent evident to both men.

You didn't realize you helped me out. Eventually I will thank you for that, after I've rewritten your code and rewired your brain. Thanking you can wait.

'Back at square 1 means I can fabricate any story I would like Jayce to believe… And I have to credit you for that. I would have never taken such drastic action as you did, but right now, I see… well… certainunexploredpossibilities.'

Dark Jayce finally frowned, no smirk to be found. Viktor couldn't help himself at this point, he smiled kindly in response. He had won their first game of chess and Dark Jayce knéw. Which tasted as sweet as apple pie, reminding him of the bakery just outside the Academy. Its fumes such a delight, just as Dark Jayce's silence was like delightful music to Viktor's ears.

I won the first battle. No one, not even Jayce's subconscious will hold me back. At best he would slow me down, just a little. I'm in it for the long run. And I will conquer everything and all I need to keep my people and Jayce safe.

'First you have to destroy something in its entirety in order for something new to take its place.' Viktor pondered, at this point talking more to himself than Jayce's subconscious. 'Since you've blocked all his memories, sealed of the Gates in their entirety, Jayce and I will start anew… and as our new bond develops and is forged into something even greater, stronger, deeper, all you can do, is witnessing this result you helped to co-create. Eventually, our bond will become so strong you, his subconscious part, won't be of much use to him anyways… Your role will eventually, ah, well... cease to exist. He wouldn't listen to you - his intuition - no more. I'd like to prophesize he would rather consider my advice instead. In other words… you've given me this great opportunity to mold Jayce into anything I have ever wanted for him. I wanted for him to live a joyful, stressfree life without unnecessary strife. No need to breach those walls anymore,' Viktor smirked. 'No need, no need. Sooner or later, he will permit me to take a look whenever I want and all you're able to do as he orders you to open the Gates himself, is to stand aside and watch.'

A pause. Dark Jayce's eyes widened slightly, before he squeezed them once more.

Let our marathon of chess begin.

'What a lovely day that will be.' Viktor mused. 'We will call that from now on, our very ownannual Progress Day. Oh we will be making so much progress you and I, you will come to enjoy our talks before you know it.'

Dark Jayce's contours were slowly fading. His last words like a promise or a bad omen, before Viktor was violently thrown out of the astral realm.

'He is convulsing right now. Because of what you did to him.'

'It's because of your actions, he will lose his mind. If you keep on trespassing like this, both of us will lose him for good.'

'Look at what you have done...'

'...What you have done...'

'...Have done...'

'...Done..done...' Like echoes in a cave, rumbling through Viktor's mind. Almost paralysing him to his core.

'You need to go, before it's too late. NOW!' Dark Jayce shouted, before vanishing altogether. The realm swirling, spinning around, spitting Viktor out...

Viktor's P.O.V.

Jayce convulsed just as he'd feared. His subconscious was right all along.

'Jayce, Jayce!' Viktor uncharacteristically yelled, crouching down as fast as he could, next to the man. Jayce almost fell out of bed, he could catch him just in time before he would have hit his head, hard.

Damn this wasn't part of the plan. Some of these factors are unaccounted for. Now I need to make sure his body won't spiral out of control as his mind just did. You're a patient like no other, Jayce. You truly are. Damn you.

Feeling worried like he'd never felt before, still hearing Dark Jayce's last ominous words in the back of his mind, he tried to focus once again to the best of his ability. These gut-wrenching words, a dreadful reminder, played on repeat. Haunting him. With a smooth movement, he pushed Jayce's body back to the bed with a little more force than necessary, trying to prevent any additional damage by holding his limbs in place as best as he could.

One of the Communar stormed inside, probably wary of the dire situation through the Arcanic connection.

'He has a seizure. Fetch me a bucket of cold water, his restraints and an additional blanket, quickly.' Viktor commanded, checking Jayce's temperature with the back of his hand. 'Oh, and lots of towels. I need to bring his fever down, fast. He's burning up.'

TO BE CONTINUED

Notes:

Oh no... what have THEY done? Jayce...hang on... at least help is on the way :(

Dear readers, thank you for all of your support, the kudos and comments! Already 200 kudos, I feel truly blessed with you guys. It motivates me a lot, honestly 3 So, again, thank you so much! It's so much fun to write for you guys.

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