First attempt at a Harry Potter Fanfiction so please correct me if I ever make some kind of mistake regarding spells and the works. I'll be researching of course but as always, there'll be mistakes somewhere.
Don't expect this to follow canon. I will focus on a bit more than just Voldemort.
I've recently gone down the Harry Potter rabbit hole and found myself thoroughly enjoying Severus Snape as a character. To the point where I possibly could have read through most of the fanfictions already. At least, those focusing on the Snily ship. This will not be a pure romance and drama story. It will actually focus on how to beat Voldemort without the "chosen one". I find it interesting to see how someone might be able to beat him without being in his head. Severus will be the MC for this story so for those who don't like him, I'd ask you to try reading this still. Perhaps you might like it?
This story will also closely follow Severus Snape from childhood and onward. What I've noticed in most HP fanfics is that they love to focus on the mundane for chapters at a time. Not that I don't enjoy it but this will be an Adventure/Romance so I'll try to mix the romance and drama in without deviating too much from the main plot.
Some characters will be aged down or even aged up depending on what I need. For example, some people say Narcissa and Lucius are in the same year and some say Lucius is older. I'll be making my own changes such as Alice and Frank being in the same year as Severus instead of being older. Although, this has always been speculation anyway. Stuff like that. The biggest change age wise, you'll see during Sev's sorting ceremony. I hope you'll like it.
And last but not least, this is not going to be for you if you like James Potter and Lily Evans. They will not be bashed, (James perhaps a bit) but they won't be angels who did no wrong or "matured for the better" either. Frankly, the ages between 18-21 is too short for someone like James to suddenly "mature" even if we take his last year in Hogwarts into account. Whatever changes there are, they are miniscule at best or hidden at worst. 4 years is a little short for that kind of "maturity". Not to mention the sheer idea of marrying the bully of a close friend...
In that sense, you know where I stand concerning James and Lily. I'm really warning you here. If this didn't send you running yet then trolls bless your left sock.
Whatever happens in this story, Trust me when I say that this will end up with Severus and Lily getting together. Just with a lot of twists and turns and I'll try my best to convince you that getting them together is an impossibility. This will be extremely slow burn so don't expect them to not have problems even if they do get together. Just a friendly warning. Do not worry though, for those of you who love Severus Snape, you might be in for a treat.
I do not own Harry Potter and all rights belong to J.K. Rowling
Chapter 1 Prologue: To go away
They were blurry now.
The eyes he had loved so dearly, grafted onto the boy who bore his detested father's face, seemed almost ethereal through the haze of his fading vision. Those eyes, so painfully familiar, pierced through the fog of his dying thoughts. They were blurry now...
And that was alright. Because now, in the quiet moments before the end, he could allow himself a fragile illusion. He could pretend it wasn't the boy he was looking at, but her. The girl whose laughter had once lit up the darkest corners of his bleak world. The girl who had given him fleeting moments of peace, moments that sustained him even when she no longer could.
Staring into those eyes now felt like drinking the finest healing draught, soothing the ache that had settled in his soul long ago. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, time itself seemed to slow, stretching out endlessly as he allowed himself to drink in this moment. A moment of quiet. A moment of reprieve.
Yes, he would die here. Severus Snape had always known this would be his end. He had expected it, perhaps even welcomed it in his most private moments. Death would be his release. It would untether him from the chains of his two masters, unburden him from the pain that had long been his companion, and silence the guilt that had haunted every breath he took since her death.
But as much as he had longed for this freedom, there was a weight that refused to lift, even now. His guilt would not release its grip, not entirely. Her eyes were there, watching, reminding him of his every failure, his every misstep. He could not bear the thought of her gaze upon him as he fell into the abyss, of her eyes witnessing his final, feeble moments.
So, with great effort, he tore his gaze away. He let his eyes drift to a distant point only he could see, a faraway place that promised peace. Somewhere beyond the veil of this life, where her laughter might greet him again. Or, perhaps, where oblivion would finally silence the echoes of his regrets.
As the cold seeped into his limbs and his vision darkened further, a strange calm settled over him. He thought of her once more—of the child she had been, of the woman she had become, and of the life he had longed to share with her but never could. For a fleeting moment, he allowed himself the selfish wish that she might remember him kindly, even just once.
And then, with a final breath, Severus Snape let go.
The eyes closed. The tension in his face softened. The weight of a lifetime slipped away, leaving behind only stillness.
Severus Snape was alive, no more.
When he opened his eyes again, the sight that greeted him brought an unexpected sense of calm. Confusion lingered at the edges of his mind, but for now, it did not matter. All that mattered was that he was here.
It was the riverbank—their riverbank. The tiny haven he and Lily had once claimed as their own before the world grew too complicated. It was just as he remembered it, unchanged by time or sorrow.
He stood on a small rise of grass, an ancient tree to his right, its gnarled branches spreading like a protective canopy. To his left, a mossy stone wall jutted out, partially crumbled, as if nature had claimed it long ago. All around him, vibrant patches of wildflowers swayed gently in an unfelt breeze, their colours vivid even in the soft glow of night.
And then, there was the river itself, flowing lazily before him. A wide, tranquil expanse of water that mirrored the serene night sky above. But something about it was different. Unlike the dark, shadowed nights of reality, this place seemed to shimmer with an otherworldly glow. The river sparkled with a soft, ethereal blue, as if it had been enchanted to shine in the absence of sunlight. The stars above were impossibly bright, their light cascading down to kiss the surface of the water, creating a perfect reflection.
The air was cool, but not unkind. It carried with it the faintest scent of fresh grass and blooming flowers, blending with the crisp aroma of the river. It felt as though the place itself was breathing, alive with a quiet magic that soothed every frayed nerve in his weary body.
For a long time, Severus simply stood there, lost in the vision of tranquillity. He let the peace of the moment seep into him, filling the cracks that a lifetime of pain and regret had left behind. He wasn't sure how much time had passed—seconds, minutes, perhaps longer—but it didn't matter.
And then, faintly, he heard them: the unmistakable sound of footsteps behind him, soft but deliberate.
He quickly turned around and felt his jaw drop. There, right in front of him she stood. Lily...
But... no this wasn't right. This person, this fiend was all wrong. She bore her face, her hair and even her eyes perfectly. Severus wasn't aware that Polyjuice was even a thing after death but if he were a betting man then this could only be one entity.
He calmed his beating heart and mustered the courage so few knew him for. Brought out in the form of scathing sarcasm and underlying disdain, he approached this falsity with the gait of a fearsome wraith and spoke in his naturally low tenor.
"I would appreciate it if you were to absolve yourself from her... veneer."
"But Severus, it's me..." before she could even spout the first sentence, Severus interrupted in that cold no nonsense demeanour his students knew him for.
"Now."
One word. Truly that was all it took for this creature's façade to break. What followed was simple proof of his deduction. Her face twisted from the mischievous smile it introduced herself with, to this abomination of a smirk, worthy of Morgana herself.
"How did you know?"
Severus shook his head, as if looking at a child who couldn't follow the simplest instructions.
"Lily doesn't smile mischievously... or at least, never to me." He knew that she could do so. That she was playful in nature. But she never graced him with that face.
They were both too knowledgeable of the other to understand that theirs was no relationship connected through simple fun. But rather, of deep understanding and learning. They were friends who once upon a time, could smile like the rest of the world didn't exist. There was no need for any other emotion than pure happiness. After all, how else would his Patronus take on the form of her doe? Even if that weren't the case, Lily had no reason to smile at him in death.
"Astute observation as always, little Prince. But for the time being, I will assume her form due to your obvious dislike of anyone else who might be closer to you. Honestly, it was either Dumbledore or her and I believe, you'd rather not have this conversation with that soul in particular."
Slightly calmed, now that he knew this being was being truthful and wouldn't continue with their ideas of acting... Severus didn't mind too much. Of course, the idea where he could simply talk to her without fearing rejection also brought itself into the forefront of his mind but he ignored it.
"What kind of talk." Severus doesn't question, he punctuates. As if the answer was already his if he but speaks. The figure only giggles in her voice. "How demanding~." His narrowed eyes only make her giggle even more.
"How about we introduce ourselves first? So that there are no more questions about who I am." In a grand gesture of snapping her fingers, the trees and fauna disappeared around him. Only the star mirrored river behind him and a golden gate twenty meters ahead of him remained.
"Simply put... I am Death. And I don't mean that metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically. I am your end, as you can see." She gestures to the gate behind her, as if he should know what that is. He could guess but he never liked jumping to conclusions he was never sure of.
Embarrassingly, he thought of the last time that he did. Oh~ how he wished he could slap his younger self's head as if he was that abominable Weasley and Potter.
However, that was neither here nor there. Now he stood in front of death, in the diminutive body of his former friend... Truly, did Death think he'd be terrified? Her attempt to seem scary only made him think of that one muggle's puppy during the time he spent Halloween with Lily when they were ten.
"I see you're not impressed?" Why did she have to look disappointed?
"Death comes for everyone eventually." The proud smile that glossed her lips gave him pause. He wondered what Death itself thought about the various different ways a person could die from. Would Death be unbothered, or maybe Death has already ordained it? Interesting questions that he'd like to explore if he had the time.
"No worries, I can answer it right now. No, I'm not too bothered with deaths, especially since I know where they will end up the instant they die. Only some souls have gained the chance to speak with me. And therefore, earn themselves more than just a footnote on my desk. Secondly, no, I do not decide when one dies. Nothing in this world may do so. Not even the one that created us."
It appears that she can read minds as well. It's honestly no wonder. What is truly interesting however is the idea of a creator. But alas, that's probably one topic that wouldn't be brought up, if ever.
"You would be correct!"
"If you could kindly not answer my thoughts, that would be appreciated." The being only smiled in response. Too amused by his reactions probably.
"Now, Little Prince, for the reason why I have come before you." Severus was truly struggling. He begged her to change appearances in his head. It was just plain impossible to treat her as he usually would any other person. Not only that, but seeing her face brought out something different within him. Something not quite nice, but enough where his students would notice why he wasn't as… spiteful. He had the faint inkling that Death used her face for exactly that reason. Judging by that smile, he was right.
"You are a very peculiar soul. One who has mastered the Dark with just a tiny hint of Light. You are someone of interest to me, not only because of your importance in retrieving Tom Marvolo Riddle's soul but also because of your death." He frowned. What about his death was so spectacular that it granted him the right to speak with Death itself?
"Death has a way of changing those it touches. The mere idea of it, the proximity, and most profoundly, the experience of confronting Me. You see, most people, when faced with the end, crave just one more day—another hour, perhaps even a fleeting moment. They yearn for life again, even if only to undo their mistakes. But you…" Death's voice faltered, as if acknowledging the unnaturalness of his desire. "You didn't wish for more time. No. You wished for it to end. You sought death not as an inevitability, but as a relief. And that wish... that longing for release, began the moment she was ripped from you. It lingered, unbroken, until your own end. No regrets, no fight. Not even the slightest impulse to defy it, as others do. Most, when faced with death, grasp for life. But you... you simply let go. Why?"
Severus held his tongue as he thought about her words. They rang true, there were many things he could have done prior to meeting Voldemort at that shack. A flask of Felix Felicis, a dosage of antivenin, hell, even apparating away was a better idea than doing nothing. But after Lily died, he simply lost his motivation to continue. It was only after Albus masterfully manipulated his emotions did he continue to live. No... to exist. Because what is life without reason? He may as well have been the living dead. No, all that was left of him after Albus died was his mission.
Instead of answering, Severus simply diverts the conversation. "What do you gain by this... life analysis of yours? What is to become of me now that I am dead? Just send me down there and be done with it. I don't understand why it's taking so long." Death chuckles ruefully.
"You believe your place is in hell? How funny! Truly the most amusing thing you've told me so far. Your soul in hell, hah! I'd rather grant you immortality." She kept chuckling and giggling at this somehow absurd notion that he shouldn't be in hell.
"You believe so? I reckon that this is just another price I'd have to pay for the thousands of lives lost. After all, I failed in my mission, not because I wasn't able, but because I let it-"
"-yes yes, you didn't fail by the way." She cut off impatiently, almost annoyed if he were honest. "You only saved a couple billion people after all, including your precious little ward, the boy who lived. Now I will not hear any more of your blathering. You are an intelligent man. Surely you understand why you don't belong there."
Severus was immensely gratified at having the confirmation that the Potter boy lived, but also confused. This doesn't apply to the ideas planted in his head. Certainties rather than ideas if he were honest, but for now, he'll just accept it for what it is. Death has no reason to lie about Potter's demise after all. Alas, he always thought he'd be sent to hell. The mistakes he made were too horrible to pardon in his eyes. Death meanwhile just shakes her head.
"Hell is not the place for you my lovely soul. I say that, but it has come to my attention that neither is heaven."
"So my sins truly are that great? I have no seat up there as well? Am I to be punished by staying in limbo forever?" Severus asks calmly, expecting, even preferring this option.
"Good heavens no! You misunderstand. For a man so gifted with the mind, you truly are quite the dunderhead." Severus frowned. "Forgive me if I'm not as enlightened as I should be."
Death just waved him off and continued on. "If you truly wished to do so, you may enter heaven. As is your right. But that would naturally include... what did you call it... oh yes! Only those whom you couldn't save, is that right?"
Severus froze. How could he have forgotten? Alice, Frank, Macdonald, McKinnon, Black, Lupin, Albus, Charity, and the Potters... the idea of seeing them again, seeing her again terrified him. Facing Voldemort was easier than meeting them. After all, who needs enemies with friends that would ask you to kill them? Whether they wanted to or not.
"I'd be a fool to ignore the fact that death wouldn't know about the souls she owns. So why talk? You already know any answer I may have." He wasn't quite desperate but hearing him speak the truth, as if compelled, was not what he had in mind for the day he met death.
"Oh I know your truth little Prince. I know every truth. But the question isn't whether I know it but rather... if you know? Can you tell me what is in your heart, Severus Snape?" Her tone sounded rather dangerous towards the end.
He grimaced in thought. Now he knew why Death chose Lily's image. Those words coming from somebody else wouldn't have the same intensity as hearing it in her own voice.
"You mentioned those I failed." Severus pauses, trying to think of any other reason than the one he knew deep within his heart. But no matter what he could have thought of, the words just wouldn't come. Because he knew they wouldn't be the truth. "Those were the people who deserve to be in heaven. And I? I think it's laughable that I were to share that space. After all, it was my action and inaction that led to their deaths. Meeting them again, meeting her again... I would sooner die than face their hatred once more. And indeed, that would truly be hell."
Death nods in satisfaction, a soft smile on the face she copied. She then beckons the man forward, making him follow her as she nears the gate. The closer he got, the more he could see. The grass field towards it was filled with a sea of dandelions. Their fluffy white seeds gently flowing in the wind. The sky above was still night but this blue glow around the area still makes it seem more magical. The stars above have never shone brighter in his life. For that he was thankful. Star gazing had been one of his favourite past times.
When they finally reached the gate, he could make out a person behind that soft white veil. It served as some kind of barrier. Possibly to keep unwanted things out.
"Yes there's that but it also has other functions. This is the gate of Heaven, little Prince. Touch the veil and you can join your friends where you rightfully belong. Or we could continue our little chat. What say you?" The god of Death smirked once more. He just knew that he wasn't going to like where this is going. So instead of talking to Death, he decided to make out just who was standing behind the veil.
He took a few more steps forward and noticed that the shape was getting clearer and clearer. But once he saw who was truly there, he gasped. Shock and the tension in his upper body was all too noticeable to Death.
The longer he looked the more people appeared. Until finally, the last of them arrived. There they stood. To his right, beyond the veil stood Albus Dumbledore, the mentor he killed and half a century younger than he remembered. And those who stood nearby were people he knew since he was 11. Neville Longbottom's parents, Mary Macdonald and even Marlene McKinnon. And right beside them was Charity Burbage, the only other person he could comfortably call a friend. He quickly moved on from her, not wanting to see the disdain that would grace her face. Not after he let her die...
To his left stood 3 boys he knew intimately. Because if there was someone Severus hated more than Voldemort, it would possibly be the combined existence of 3 of the 4 Marauders. What surprised him was the fact that there Sirius Black stood, with Regulus Black beside him. If you didn't know any better, they could have passed off as twins. Although while one brother was 'rogue-like' the other one was more of a Prince. In the back of his mind, Severus felt it was unfair how inbreeds created such beauty. How all of the blacks became attractive despite their families penchant for incest he would never know.
But the most important person stood directly in front of the veil. In the middle and currently facing him eye to eye was the doe eyed visage of his former best friend. Lily.
Severus just stood there, watching them. He noticed that they either had soft smiles on their faces or carefully blank expressions. The only one who seemed to smile was Lily, Albus and Charity. The rest could have won a muggle casino if they wanted.
He faced Death, and with more severity and pain in his voice since meeting her, he asked. "Why?"
Death merely smirked and moved to his side and faced the people behind the gate. Unconcerned of the intense stare Severus was giving her. Really, he was almost breathing on her with how close he was.
"I am not here to comfort you, little Prince. I wouldn't show you their faces if I thought it wasn't necessary. No, we are here so you can make a choice. And they are here to remind you of your choices. Be it good or bad." She gave him an equally intense side glance. There was no heat or anger in it. Just a firm look to show him the severity of what's happening.
But that's just it. What exactly is happening? Death closed her eyes and started to float towards the gate. Slowly she turned until she sat on top of it, staring at him all the while.
"You are here to make a choice. A decision was made in regards to the soul who was supposed to defeat the wizard known as Voldemort, at an earlier time."
"What!?"
And truly nothing else mattered to him than having that question answered. But it seems, even Death keeps things close to heart.
"A story for another time little Prince. For now, all you need to know is that you have been granted a chance. A chance of a second life." At this he grew even more confused. Because why? Why him. He wouldn't be Severus Snape if he didn't find out.
"And why pray tell, should I even entertain this foolish notion? One life, one chance! That is life and death-"
"-Do not presume to know more about ME, little Prince!"
That was the first time Severus felt true fear.
It wasn't the type of fear he had known in his life. No, not the fear of death, nor the fear of being caught, nor even the fear of the Dark Lord's wrath. This was something deeper, something raw and primal. The being before him, Death, shifted, and in that instant, everything he had ever known about the world seemed to unravel.
Her face, that Beautifully crafted face of his past love, twisted before his eyes. It didn't just change; it deformed. The smooth, impassive features warped into something grotesque, something unnatural. Her eyes, once so bright and reminiscent of the girl he knew, now bled into something more ancient, more terrifying, a vast emptiness that consumed all light and warmth. And her voice... it followed the same path—mimicking the sound of countless souls trapped in torment. It reverberated through his very bones, clawing at the edges of his sanity. The words she spoke were not hers anymore; they were the voices of the endless dead who had once called out to her, who had begged for mercy and found none.
Severus's heart pounded against his ribcage, a frantic rhythm that threatened to tear him apart. His muscles locked, his body frozen in place as terror flooded his veins. The sheer force of the transformation took all control from him, as if his very will was crushed beneath the weight of her presence. The air itself seemed to thicken, suffocating him, pressing down with the inevitability of his own mortality.
It was too much. The weight of eternity itself bore down on him, and for the first time in his life, Severus understood what it truly meant to be insignificant. Not even his deepest, darkest fears—the ones that had shaped him into the man he was—could compare to the overwhelming nothingness that now loomed in front of him.
But then, just as suddenly as the terror had overtaken him, it ceased. The transformation snapped back into place, the dreadful visage of horror receding like a nightmare retreating at dawn. Death sighed, a sound heavy with regret—or perhaps, amusement. The effect had been... too much for a mortal soul to bear. A mere shift in her form had sent Severus to the very edge of his sanity.
She could see it in his eyes, the faint glimmer of the fragile human mind, unable to endure the vast, unknowable presence she embodied. She was more than a mere messenger of fate; she was its very embodiment, an unstoppable force that none could hope to withstand.
Severus stood there, gasping for breath, his body trembling from the aftermath of the vision. His hands clenched at his sides, but his will remained distant, struggling to find purchase. The image of what he had just witnessed was burned into his mind, the terror too raw to process, too real to dismiss. For a moment, he wondered if he had truly seen her—death itself—or if the whole thing had been some cruel trick, some illusion conjured to torment him further.
But deep down, he knew the truth. He had seen her. In all her terrifying, unrelenting power. And for the first time, Severus Snape understood what it meant to be utterly, completely powerless.
"Severus Snape… to gaze upon my true face is to court death. And while you are already dead, I assure you, the afterlife isn't outside of my realm. That being said, I am regretful to have shown you something only the worst of souls should see. Although, you are a hard man to stay patient with, especially with this soul's personality type. You, little Prince, have a lot of work ahead of you."
"What?" Because what did this being even mean! How could she just stand there as if he hadn't just experienced… whatever in hell that was.
"While you are indeed, correct. A few choice souls are declared deserving of certain options. Many before you have had similar privileges. We are here to inform you of yours. And to see which option you'll take."
Seeing as Severus only stood there, calmly thinking over her words, but in actuality just trying to calm down… Death decided it was time to inform him of his options and to get his opinion on it.
"Your first option. You are allowed to revive the moment you died, 20 years younger than before. A privilege given to your soul seeing as you haven't truly been alive for that amount of time."
Severus felt like this option was ridiculous as it was asinine. What would he even do? Ignore his regrets, his actions and his mistakes so that he could live as if everyone he ever cared about hasn't died? Live some new life with people who could have been his children? What a terrible idea.
"Your second option. Return to the past to fix your mistakes. Your powers will stay the same and you shall complete a destiny that has escaped you thrice before."
This one he understood somewhat. But he felt physically ill at the thought of inhabiting his younger body. What would he have? Rugs for clothing and relieve his miserable life. He didn't know what Death meant with destiny but he was not going to go back. He had had enough. Besides, the idea of being 11 even though he was mentally 38 made him shiver in disgust.
"Your 3rd option. Reincarnate with your full memories intact, in a world after Voldemort was defeated."
And steal the life of some unfortunate babe? Take away the child of his rightful parents. Take away its parents right for a true child? He did not need to live, whilst still remembering his past. His soul was too tainted for reincarnation. He did not wish to be burdened by them in this supposed new life. Perhaps, if he had no memories but then again, that was possibly the point.
"If none of these choices are what you desire then speak, Severus Snape. What is it your heart truly desires."
What did he desire? Lily's hand in marriage? Was her friendship enough? Was that even his true desire? He has seen the mirror of Erised and what it had shown him was confusing to say the least.
Back during his final year at Hogwarts, he stumbled upon that room by sheer accident. Courtesy of the marauders of course.
But what he saw there was not him with Lily in his arms. It was him. Just him.
He saw himself standing on a cliff, overlooking the ocean underneath a starry night sky. He gazed into the distance in what he interpreted to be desire. But the mirror itself showed you your desire. Why would it depict you with the feelings it wishes to show?
Unless that was what he was missing.
"I guess… I guess I want to go away." Yes, away. Far, far away from here. Far away from himself, far away from the person he was pushed to become.
He didn't want this.
What person would desire to be him? Yes, he just needed to run, to be something he knew he was not, but was never given the decency to choose.
Severus Snape was no coward but he was never allowed to be. Just once he wondered what it'd be like to just leave.
Leave behind the childhood that destroyed his innocence. Leave behind the magical castle that could have been his home. Leave behind the only friend he had during those times. Because what did she ever do for him when he needed her? He wanted to run away from her. Away from what he saw that fateful day. The day that made up his worst memory.
"Ah yes, you wished to be free." Severus glanced up at the being who now spoke in a wistful tone. As if remembering a past that only he knew. But she did know. After all, she was Death.
"Free from choices, free from consequences and free from everything that hurts you. In fact if I remember this correctly, didn't you already try? Tell me, how successful were you with that version of Sectumsempra?" Death smiled ruefully whilst he stiffened up completely.
"Sectumsempra was a mistake! A curse made by a foolish boy who never knew the consequences of his own actions!" Severus bellowed in anger.
"You mean the cutting curse? Oh but we both know it doesn't just cut, little Prince. After that day, you realized it had the potential for something else. The spell's incantation doesn't refer to a simple cut made by some invisible weapon, because strictly speaking, that spell means Always Severing. And you being the smart boy that you were, came to this realization as well."
"Don't…" Severus pleaded with Death. The first time since being here, that he lost his cool demeanour. He didn't want to remember what he almost did. What he almost succeeded in doing.
"Don't what Severus?" Death asked playfully. "Remind you of how you almost violated your own soul? Or remind you that you almost severed your feelings of love that you held for Lily." She smirked cruelly, practically instigating the man to do something drastic.
"…"
For a while, Death left that statement to hang in the air. But that as well, couldn't last. "This crossroad does not exist for you to brood, little Prince. Tell me, what has become of your prized creation?" She asks softly. Severus sighs as he faces her.
"Sectumsempra, was a spell initially meant to combat dark creatures and beasts that had a natural resistance to magic. That spell could theoretically be classed on a similar level to the unforgivables. It is dark and fuelled by the intent to cause unending pain. Whilst the Cruciatus caused internal, unseen injuries, Sectumsempra was a spell that would cause bleeding with no known way to heal it. I tried, no potion, no spell, no bloody bandage could heal a tiny cut that was made by Sectumsempra. So I created one." He shrugged at that last part.
"If Sectumsempra was my masterpiece then Vulnera Sanentur transcends even that. It's only due to that spell's existence that Sectumsempra couldn't be an 'unforgivable'." He always did think that his spell could be worse than Imperio at the very least. Unhealable lacerations and a copious amount of bleeding that cannot be healed through any known means. Back then, when he hadn't yet created the counter curse, that spell would have been the 4th unforgivable. Of that, he was more than certain.
"But that's not what you're asking for is it?" He warily glanced up at death once more. Knowing that his next few words were things he took to the grave. Not even Dumbledore knew this.
"After that day by the lake. After I was rejected for saying something I shouldn't have… It got to me. I couldn't fight it. Not Potter, not Black, not Lily's laughter as they all looked at me with disgust. Nothing in this world can be controlled. Nothing… except yourself." Severus paused and walked back and forth, thinking over his words carefully. He has never admitted this before and he was loath to do so now. But Death has other ideas. She watched him intently, her gaze unwavering until he continued.
"I was a fool. Consumed by emotions he couldn't control. Anger, hate, fury, shame and above all… love. That was the worst of them. The love I still held for her was a weakness I needed to get rid of. It was a wound that I could never heal. Not even with Vulnera Sanentur. So I turned to the spell that invoked it. I figured, if Sectumsempra could cut anything indiscriminately, then perhaps it could cut something else too. Because as you stated, my spell's incantation was never focused on cutting. It severed anything, always. If that was true, then I saw no reason why it couldn't sever my feelings of love as well."
"Did you succeed?" Severus lets out a hollow laugh, the sound devoid of humour. "Obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't have been a spy, or better yet, alive. All I managed to do was deepen my pain. I refined the spell, pouring every ounce of my despair into it. But I realized that could never have worked. The intent was all wrong. I wanted it to sever my love for her. To silence the part of me that hoped. Instead, I only perfected the one spell that defined every part of me. I created an instrument of destruction that left wounds no one could heal."
He admitted, sorrow painted on his face. He still remembers those foolish, foolish days. Back when he was just a boy. Barely 17 and already creating such dark spells. If one of his students were to create something even remotely similar, he wouldn't know what he would have done. Now that he thought about it, what would Albus have done if he had known? What of Lily?
From the corner of his eye he saw movement. He focused on it and watched the image of lily closely. She was still standing there, smiling all the while. Truly a more false depiction if he ever saw any. Lily stopped smiling at him after that day. But accepting that fact by looking at this fake was too much to bear. He spared himself a single tear. If there was ever a place to cry then he supposed, this place would do.
"You truly torment me with their faces Death."
"Once again, they are not here to torment you. Only to remind you of the choices you made and these are just the faces who shaped them. You tell me Severus, before we continue, why do you think they shaped you."
Severus only scoffed. "You said so yourself. They are those whom I failed to save. Do you truly need me to embellish you with the tales of my failures?"
"Enlighten me." Severus bristled at how lightly this god was taking him. He exploded in anger that he was known for. The one part of him that was strictly Gryffindor. His passion that if lit, couldn't be doused by anyone. But passion could lead to ugly things. Things that had he been a little more cunning, he could have prevented much of the pain in his life.
"Fine, you failure of a psychiatrist, let's begin this in order shall we?" He aggressively pointed at a Blonde girl no older than 19. "Mary Macdonald. Died at the hands of Mulciber 1979 in her own home. He was about to do unspeakable things to her! That sorry excuse of a human being always did favour the imperious curse. Had I not intervened, he would have violated her until nothing was left! I forced them to just kill her because I was too cowardly to do so myself. The one next to her is Marlene McKinnon. Her family was kneeling when I arrived at the scene. Their tongues already cut because they refused to give information. Once again I forced the death eaters to kill them all off like pigs for slaughter. Because death was a kindness compared to how much they suffered. But my true crime was being too blind to realize that there was a little girl just hiding in a closet. She attacked me out of grief, but a death eater noticed and killed her right in front of my eyes. I couldn't save her… and while they were "warning" me of my inattentiveness, I imagined dozens of ways I could have killed them. Do you need me to speak more? Do you wish for me to tell you how much I regretted letting Charity die? How much I wished Albus hadn't begged me to kill him? Do you desire for me to admit once more how I wished to die after Lily died that night…"
Severus huffed and breathed irregularly as he admitted to his failures. The tip of the iceberg really. There was so much more than anyone would ever know. He didn't need reminders. After all, he saw them in his dreams, every day after every life he failed to save.
"You have lived a difficult life Severus Snape. You had such a beautiful destiny ahead of you, but the Dark clung to you like an obsessed lover. However you, and only you, managed to avoid this very interesting fate that could have been possible. Instead, you forged a new path. One built on a little ember of light inside that darkened soul. You were not without sin but nobody is such. The impressive part is that you survived. Your soul was saved through the love you desperately clung to."
Severus scoffed in derision. "Love? I did not expect death to be affected by such mortal woes." Death only smiled in response. "Do you believe so, little Prince? Nearly all manners of death had a following of grieving hearts. And what is grief… but love unexpressed?" she said in this incredibly light tone. As if she was trying to get Severus to understand. And she knew just the clincher to do so.
"Is that not why you grieved for almost 20 years?" Severus flinched as if his entire existence was being burnt. There was hardly a day in his life where he hadn't wished to do things differently. To have said things differently. He would take everything back. Every choice, every stupid impulse. Even if she never returned his feelings. He would have been fine, if only she survived and grew old enough to meet her great grandchildren. 21 was simply too young.
And now that he was given that choice? Why deny it? He could go back and save everyone. Isn't that something he owed them? But what about the consequences? Changing the past would change everything. If death is to be believed then the Potter boy must have succeeded. Who is to say he would fare much better? All the lives lost, was it for nothing? Did Lily's sacrifice meant so little that he could change it just because Death wished so?
"Ah so this was the crux of your indecision. Very well then. I offer you one last option. A bit of a weird one, you are. Never had I encountered a soul who was not tempted by a do over. It seems you are afraid or perhaps even too proud to change your direct past. Truthfully, you are within your rights to doubt. Who says things will be better than how it already ended?"
"Don't you?" Severus interrupted. She looked at him in slight surprise. "I mean don't you truly? You mentioned before that our choices and our futures cannot be ordained. As is our right as mortals. But you speak as if you knew how it would end." Death looked like she figured out a particularly difficult charms problem. Curse her, for taking that face.
"Ah- well, it's not that we can see the future, little Prince. It's just that you are all predictable enough for us to make relatively good guesses." She shrugged light heartedly. "But of course there will always be exceptions, such as yourself." She pointed at him lazily.
"Me?"
"Why of course! Did you know that I believed you would have become the most powerful dark lord after your self proclaimed worst memory?" The silence she was greeted with was astounding. Honestly, she thought Severus died on the spot if she didn't know he was already dead. She was just patiently waiting for the outburst she knew would come but after a fair few minutes of nothing, she decided enough was enough.
"As fun as this conversation has been and as interesting that story could have been, I'm sorry to say that your time here is almost at an end. So let me tell you of your final option. Merge with the soul of Severus Snape in a parallel universe and live again, free from the burden of your past memories. This path is no guarantee of change, and it could well lead you down the same dark road that shaped your previous life. So, I will grant you the opportunity to select three aspects of your choosing… be it a mastery of magic, the gift of natural Legilimency, or even the power of an extraordinarily potent magical core. The choice is yours, but the consequences are uncertain."
That sounds too good to be true. This meant that the lives in this universe could continue on after Harry Potter saved the wizarding world. This also meant that another him could have his second chance without having to face the horrors of his own memories. His mother wouldn't have to live with a troubled man who took over her son's body and he didn't have to return to a time where everything that mattered was gone.
"What's the catch?" Let it be known that Severus Snape was Slytherin through and through. Death smirked in amusement.
"The catch is thus, when you are ready, you shall meet me again. And when you do, all the memories of your previous life will return to you once more. Every bit of knowledge and skill along with it. And the skill or aspect you choose has to be something you previously learned about. For example, certain skills you've only learnt later in life. Like how to brew a potion that could slow down the effects of a curse. Or your mastery in potions outright."
Severus thought about that. It was not a bad catch at all if he does say so himself. This meant that he had a wide range of skills that he could give this younger self. Judging by what she said, as long as he learnt it even a little bit, she could give his younger self an improved version of that skill. Like natural Legilimens. The only problem being when. When would he meet her again?
"Not to worry, little Prince. Our next meeting won't be until you are an adult and have seen death once more." Not a very good thought but understandable. If he had anything to say about it then no one in his vicinity would die. Not after what he already experienced. If he could make that happen, then his meeting with death could be postponed until he truly died, hopefully older than 38 next time.
"Fine. You mentioned I was allowed three things that I can give this new me? Are you saying that even a toddler would be able to use my kind of magic?" Death only nods. A toddler… with his skill in magic? Thank you but that is a hard no. It wouldn't be long until his younger self would kill someone with it. Oh merlin he could see it now. How his younger inexperienced self would accidentally use Sectumsempra on Petunia…
He would rather not deal with… whatever would happen after such a possibility. No, he would have to choose his gifts carefully. There was a reason why magical people are allowed to learn only once they've turned eleven. Magic was simply too unruly before their magical cores have matured from preadolescence. Well, he trusted himself enough not to kill someone at that age but one could never be too sure. Maybe that's just his inner teacher speaking but best case scenario, his younger self would find out about a specific spell and use it till the end of his days. Just like that boy who found it funny to use bloody Expelliarmus on the stupid snake face!
Be that as it may, he had choices to make. What could he give himself to gain an advantage against, presumably, the dark lord in this second life. His skill with magic will naturally evolve with age so he had no need for that. There were some things he wished he could have studied had he been given enough time to do so, but years of teaching destroyed whatever aspirations he had for those arts. Alchemy for example. He also never really had the time to delve into Transfiguration as Minerva had wanted him to do. Honestly, if he heard her chitter on about what his animal form would be, he'd go nutters! They had made bets on it though. He heard she placed 10 galleons on his, being a bat. Of course, that was a losing bet, if any. He honestly wouldn't mind, bats have incredible echolocation abilities after all.
That being said, he was certain that this time, he would be able to study it as he wished he could have. It only requires a combination of certain aspects of himself that he could use earlier on in his life. Now, which skill would give him the best head start over any bad luck that may come his way?
His hard earned instinct. Years of playing death eater, playing spy and most of all, playing Voldemort would do his younger self some good. His penchant for reckless behaviour would be curb stomped by an instinct that would always force him to think again. Not only would it be useful against Voldemort but against the Marauders and Albus as well. He remembered how he was treated, he won't find help from them. Not when Albus is still so prejudiced against his house.
But what else?
Loath as he is to admit it, his younger self would never live a life of bliss and contentment. He will still return to that rotten house on Spinners End and he will still have to endure Tobias' abuse again. Not to mention whatever else he experienced at Hogwarts itself. He needed something more than just instinct to deal with everything. Whilst his current Instincts would lead him away from danger, he couldn't trust his young mind to understand why. He would still be prone to make the wrong decisions if he's left in the dark.
His eyes glowed in triumph, he knew just the thing! He'd have to remember to thank Miss Granger for this stroke of genius. It was so simple! Curiosity. Curiosity in all things. If there is one thing the Granger girl had over him if he compared their younger selves, then it was her naturally high penchant for sticking her nose in everyone's business. This led to gaining knowledge over any and everything. Something his younger self lacked due to his insufferable pride of believing he knew it all. Hah! What a right mess he was.
Curiosity and Instinct. Those two alone would get him far. He could feel it. The instinct to avoid danger and the curiosity to understand what was going on around him. This could easily prevent certain moments in his early life. And the last one?
Maybe he could be selfish with this last one. After all, the first two choices were reasonable enough… He could have made himself powerful just by giving himself the skills he learned over the course of 3 decades. Although he wondered if this was possible, the idea he had would certainly change him directly rather than indirectly. Curiosity and Instinct would change more than just surface level thinking after all. Knowledge always changes people.
But if there was one aspect of himself that he'd like to change then perhaps that one.
"Death, would it be possible if you changed a certain aspect of myself?" Once again, Death only smiled that knowing smile of hers. "That depends on what you want to change. But let me hear it from you anyway. What is it you wish to change, little Prince?"
"I want to be able to search for love, wherever that might be." The smile Death showed widened. It turned from amusement to something genial. Primal even. As if she was waiting for it.
"Oh? How very interesting. Instead of removing it, you wish to actively hunt for it. Marvellous! Simply marvellous Severus Snape. How interesting! And here I thought you'd make yourself stronger than tiny Tom Riddle. Tell me your three choices and why you've chosen them. Promptly now, we don't have much time left." Severus nodded in assent.
"I've decided I want my younger self to possess my Instinct, a heightened curiosity that I only experienced as I grew older and… well you know that last one. The reason is plentiful. The first two would not change who I am but it will help my younger self greatly. Both from enemies and myself. This would assure a somewhat more peaceful time in Hogwarts than what I've had the pleasure of living. And that last one is a precaution. I know how I am when I lose that which I love. It's not something I am proud to admit but had I been more mature, more aware… I would never have joined the death eaters."
Death merely smirked at his words. "Your reasoning is valid and your choices accepted. If you confirm your decision once more, then those aspects will be carved upon your soul. A fine choice If I do say so myself. Undoubtedly useful in more ways than even you realise. Again you are a truly astonishing soul. There aren't many who wouldn't use this chance to simply make themselves the strongest wizard alive. In honesty it already happened before. And the results led to a legacy of death. All because he feared me so..." The idea that someone had been given the same chance he does was honestly not that surprising but it was probably not information he was privy to. The wink Death sent him only enforced that thought. Still, It'd be interesting to know who exactly she meant. For an instant he thought of Voldemort but that couldn't have been possible. Or maybe he just didn't want to think that the monster was somewhat decent once upon a time.
"I confirm that those are the 3 aspects I wish to give my next self."
"Fantastic. Now, to reiterate! You, Severus Snape, will be given a second life in a parallel universe similar to your own. Your past life will remain locked until you have reached majority and completed your meeting with Death once more. You will be given the gift of retaining your Instinct, heightened curiosity as well as the ability to find love wherever it may be. This gift will not come with conditions but you are probably already aware of what it is we hope to achieve by doing this. You have paid your dues with a life led by guilt and penance, take this chance and truly live for yourself, as is required by Death. If you agree to these terms then return to the place you hold dear, close your eyes, and once more, think of your happiest memories. Then, may life claim you once more."
Severus nodded in acceptance. He knew where he had to go. A life to live for himself huh… When was the last time he was able to do just that? Twenty years? Twenty-five? Well, for what it's worth, even if he will not remember this talk until he dies again… Severus promised to himself, to his soul, that he would save them all this time. There will not be another Mary Macdonald, there will not be another Charity Burbage, there will not be another Albus Dumbledore and for heaven's sake, he'd be damned if he let bloody Potter die again. And if by some chance Lily dies before him again? He'll just drag his own damn soul to whatever unlucky sod is ruling hell himself.
He turned and walked off, back to that bank, back to where his life truly began.
"One last thing, little Prince." He turned, not fully facing her but listening intently still. "Did you, even once in your life, hate her?" Severus closed his eyes, the weight of the question pressing down like a vice. Shame curled tightly around his chest, though he refused to let it show.
He truly did not want to answer this question. But he knew this was a final test of sorts. The one part of himself that he buried so deeply, not even Voldemort himself could have tortured it out of him.
It wasn't because he was ashamed or even felt guilty. He knew very well that those feelings were normal, if not that then at least human. No… his reason was more selfish than that. He closed his eyes and thought of those days. Those endless days… alone.
"Yes... I resented her at times. Perhaps more than I care to admit. It was easier to cast her as the villain when the days were darkest, when the pain felt like it would never end. Blaming her spared me the burden of looking inward, of confronting my own failures." His voice wavered, but he pressed on, eyes still closed as if shielding himself from judgment.
But even in those moments, I knew it was a lie. Hating her would have been simple, and Merlin knows I would have welcomed simple. Yet I never could. Because without her, without the ghost of her memory, I'd have been left with nothing. No anchor. No hope. Just an empty shell, and Severus Snape... might as well have ceased to exist." A bitter smile ghosted across his lips.
"So yes, there were moments of weakness. But in the end, when all of my rage, my hate and fatigue inevitably left, she was there. Always."
Death nodded. Her smile softened a great margin. She had nothing more to say, her duty was done and other matters needed her attention. She watched as the little Prince returned to his sanctuary. And what a wonder that place is. Humble, perhaps heartbreakingly so. But perhaps that was fitting. For how many could remember their childhood memories so vividly if they weren't the happiest ones they had?
Severus was just a boy. A poor, broken boy who hid behind the mask of a death eater, hoping to find a place where he could truly belong. But he never found it, not in the halls of a school that shunned him, not even in the shadows of mistaken salvation. It existed only here, by a quiet riverbank, with the first person who had ever shown him kindness.
A sudden noise jolted her thoughts—banging, muffled cries echoing faintly through the veil. Death turned her attention downward, her frown deepening. Ah, she had nearly forgotten. With a fluid motion, she descended, her gaze falling on the serene, smiling image of the woman whose face she had borrowed. With a snap of her fingers, the illusion shattered like fragile glass, breaking away to reveal the raw, painful truth.
Lily Potter nee Evans stood behind the veil. Her fists pounded against it, her face streaked with tears as desperate cries tore from her throat. She screamed his name, over and over, her anguish echoing in the void. Her two friends struggled to hold her back, but her grief consumed her, unrelenting.
Death smirked, tilting her head ever so slightly. She never did admit that her illusions were real. However, this spectacle wasn't for the Prince to see—it was for them. For those who had failed him to understand what they had done.
Her gaze swept the room, taking in their reactions with a mixture of satisfaction and amusement. Most bore expressions of profound regret. Charity Burbage silently wept beside Albus Dumbledore, who stared ahead. His shoulders heavy, as though reliving every mistake that had led to this moment. James Potter, however, sat slumped on the floor, nursing a reddened cheek—no doubt a reminder of Lily's fury. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black hovered beside him, offering silent solidarity, though their eyes were locked on the sobbing woman in front of them.
"Interesting," Death murmured to herself, her smirk curling further. Oh, how she loved it when her experiments bore such exquisite fruit. Perhaps, just perhaps, these souls had found the seeds of salvation.
And perhaps… she might find herself making just one more deal.
Hope you enjoyed this prologue! And please do leave a comment. Good, bad... review or a simple expression of enjoyment. All of those are welcome. It helps me focus and thank you once more for taking your time to read this. And one last thing!
Happy New Years!