Chapter 9

The steady clack-clack-clack of a dozen pairs of hands typing on keyboards filled the AV Club room as Victor and Priscilla waited there for the rest of the plotters.

Brittany arrived first, her friend Angie in tow. She and Priscilla exchanged pleasantries and then the two cheerleaders conferred in a corner. Kevin showed up soon after, a visibly reluctant Mack close behind.

"So where are we setting up the stage?" Kevin asked.

"Excuse me?" Priscilla asked.

"You know? The stage for the fight?"

"No, we're staging a fight. And it's not here, it'll be in the lunchroom on Monday."

"Huh, okay! But I don't think there's enough room in the cafeteria for a stage. Are we going to use a table?"

"Kevin," Mack said, "let's go over this again."

"Sure thing, Mack Daddy!"

Priscilla made a pessimistic grunt as Mack explained the situation. "I was worried about this," she said.

"About Kevin?" Victor asked.

"Yeah. He's really dense. I was in Drama Club when he signed for The Canterbury Tales. Getting him to do anything was an uphill battle."

"I see. I didn't know you were interested in theater."

"I'm not. My mom made me sign up. I quit because The Canterbury Tales is not nearly as reverent or Godfearing as she claimed a medieval play would be."

Finally, Bob and Spike came in, the latter looking like he wanted to drive his booted foot through some of the computer screens.

"Is this everyone?" Dawn asked as she typed and clicked at some digital task.

"Believe so," Victor said.

"So, just to clarify one more time," Dawn said. "I'm letting you use this club because my people also hate the cafeteria rule. But I cannot have any official involvement."

"We were never here," Victor said.

"Good. Norma, open up the French Club files from last year, we should have some more photos there…"

Turning to face the other attendees, Priscilla cleared her throat.

"Thanks for joining us," she said, her tone crisp and commanding.

It occurred to Victor that Priscilla had the makings of a good Imperial Commissar.

"I know you know the plan, more or less, but let's go over it one more time to make sure we're all on the same page," she continued. "Everyone here hates the cafeteria rule. Li won't listen to our petitions, so we're going to stage an event to make the cafeteria rule too much trouble for her. Victor?"

Victor stepped forward. "We're going to pretend to have a fight. No one needs to get punched, but we do need commotion—"

"What's with this pretend fight bullshit?" Spike complained. "Let's just do a real one."

"Spike, violence is only acceptable in self-defense," Bob said.

"Whatever," Spike scoffed.

"Spike and Britany," Victor continued. "Would you two be willing to pretend to flirt during lunch next Monday?"

"Hey, he can't flirt with my girl!" Kevin exclaimed, angrily stepping forward.

"It's just pretend, stupid!" Brittany said. "And I can flirt with whoever I want! We're not together anymore." She stuck out her tongue at him.

"Aw, man." Kevin stepped back and crossed his arms, glowering at the floor.

"When this happens, Kevin, you'll step forward and challenge Spike. Shove each other, maybe throw some food around. The idea here is to make a lot of noise."

"Just make it a real fight!" Spike argued. "It'll be cool. Mess stuff up. Hey, if you really want to freak Li out, it's gotta be real."

Bob shook his head. "Spike, while violence can be a valid response to oppression, it should only be attempted after other avenues have been exhausted!"

"I'm telling you bro, if this spiky-headed dude comes at me, I'm punching him for real!" Kevin promised.

Maybe it had been a mistake to invite Spike.

"Enough!" Priscilla said. "We're not going to accomplish anything with this bickering. Spike, if you don't like the plan, you can leave."

"You know what? I think I will," he said, and walked out.

"Okay," Victor said, re-calculating the situation. "Brittany and Bob: what about you two?"

"Sure. Bob's kinda cute," she said, while giving a smug look at Kevin.

"No, he's not!" Kevin countered.

Bob sighed. "Look, all I want to do is push back—non-violently—against Li's oppression. I'm not trying to pick up on anyone. I'm straight-edge, anyway."

"It's just pretend," Mack explained to Kevin.

Kevin still looked doubtful.

"Kevin, are you clear on what to do?" Victor asked.

"I guess. Bob pretends to hit on Brittany, and I pretend to hit him. But it makes me look bad!"

"You already look bad!" Brittany said.

"Oh yeah? Well, I look better than Bob!"

"Stop it!" Priscilla ordered. "Unless you want to spend the rest of your senior year crammed together in that stinking cafeteria, you'll work together to stage one stupid fight!"

Victor realized that bringing in Brittany had probably been a mistake. All they really had to do was stage a fight between Kevin and one of the punks—it could've been over anything.

"Actually, Brittany, we might not need you to be involved. What if we just staged a fight between Kevin and Bob? It could be over anything," Victor said.

"Nuh uh! I'm not giving up my starring role!" Brittany insisted.

"I see. On that case, I suppose we're committed."

"Kevin," Bob said. "If it makes you more comfortable, I won't even pretend to flirt with Brittany. I'll just stand near her, and—"

"But that's not believable!" Brittany said. "I studied drama or something once, and you need to have like, motivation and stuff. Bob flirting with me is what gets it all started!"

Bob threw up his hands. "I'm just trying to expedite this. Look, if we can't come to a consensus, I'm out."

Kevin glared at Bob. "Oh yeah? Well, I'm out if you're flirting with my girl!"

"I'm not your girl!" Brittany reminded him.

Priscilla blanched. Victor's mind raced. Kevin just wasn't getting it. How did the guy even managed to navigate day-to-day life?

He was good at football, at least. Maybe he'd understand if it were explained to him in that context? That might work, except Victor knew next to nothing about football.

But football was all about moving players in the right position, or something? So, kind of like moving troops in Warhammer 40K. Which made him think about strategies, like using a small number of fast-moving troops to feint an attack and distract the enemy.

Football must have something like that, right?

"Look at it this way," Victor said. "Kevin and Bob: you're both on the same team, going up against Li's team. But to do this, Bob needs to make a fake move. To fool her."

"A fake move?" Kevin asked.

"Like a play-action pass," Mack explained, looking impressed. "Pretend the fake flirting is a play-action pass."

"Thank you," Victor said.

And with that, Kevin's face brightened. "Ohh, I get it! Why didn't you just say so, bro?"

"Sorry, I'm a little behind on football terminology," Victor said. "So, explain to me what you're going to do?"

"Uh, Bob's going to pretend to flirt with my girl—"

"I'm not your girl!"

"Okay, fine! Bob's going to pretend to flirt with… Brittany. But it's really just a play-action pass. And then I go in and fight him… but the fight is also a play-action pass!"

"Yes!" Victor said. "And just make it as noisy as you can. Hopefully Li will get the message."

"All right!" Kevin cheered, thrusting a fist into the air.

Victor breathed a sigh of relief. He was actually a little impressed with himself for coming up with that on the fly.

"Nice save," Priscilla said, as the others filed out of the room.

"Thanks. So, I guess we've set it up."

"Almost. I'm not sure that this fight alone will be enough, so I'm going to try to get Rebecca on-board."

Victor nodded. "Okay. She might still be on campus—want to go looking?"

"She and I already made plans to talk," Priscilla said. "This one I have to do on my own."

"Ah, I see. Good luck."

"Thanks."

His part was done, at least for that day.