Chapter 14
Brittany didn't get why Priscilla was standing on top of a table and shouting into a megaphone.
Was this part of the plan? She didn't remember this part. Whatever it was, Priscilla was holding the megaphone way too far from her mouth, which made it hard to hear her. She was saying something about God and rich people? Or poor people?
She glanced over at Victor. He motioned for her to keep walking toward Bob.
Okay, that she could do! Brittany put on her brightest smile and sashayed to where Bob stood, looking at Priscilla with a confused expression.
"Hey, Brittany, was this part of the plan?" he asked. "I feel like I missed something."
"Me too! I guess we just do our part—ooh, there's Kevvy!" She growled, and then grabbed Bob's forearm with one hand and stroked his (well-formed) bicep with the other. "Ooh, you've been working out, huh?"
Priscilla shouted something. Ugh, didn't Priscilla get that her talking made it hard to fake-flirt? Then again, she didn't look like she knew much about flirting.
"Yes, I do work out regularly," Bob said. "I believe it's important to try and stay healthy, both for yourself, and for your community."
"You're supposed to flirt with me!" she said out the corner of her mouth.
"I am flirting!" he protested.
At least Kevin had spotted them! He'd gone into angry quarterback mode, his face stormy and his hands all bunched up into fists.
He'd better remember this was all for show! But Brittany wanted to see how far he'd go. After all, he had a lot to make up for after kissing that girl who wasn't Priscilla but looked like her at Zack's party, or whatever.
"I bet you know how to show a girl a good time!" she cooed, leaning in as if to nibble Bob's ear.
"Um, yes. I try to be friendly to those who are not actively and knowingly oppressing others."
"Hey, you better not be moving in on my girl!" Kevin shouted, pointing at Bob. He sure didn't seem like he was acting.
"Brittany's autonomous and doesn't belong to anyone!" Bob shouted back.
That's when Spike ran up and sucker-punched Kevin so hard that he fell backward onto the cafeteria bar.
Victor watched in astonishment as Kevin fell before Spike's unexpected assault. Spike raised his fists in the air and shouted: "Anarchy in Lawndale!"
A general melee erupted with that cry. Two of the football players tackled Spike to the ground just as a shrieking Angel launched herself into the fray. More jocks and punks ran in to help—or, more accurately, to beat heads.
Victor stepped back, disoriented from all the noise. A thrown cup of pudding flew past him and burst upon hitting the wall, spattering him with its banana-scented contents. It was only the first of many projectiles as the inevitable food fight broke out, students hurling anything they could get their hands on, the slimier and messier the better.
So far, his plan wasn't going according to plan.
Meanwhile, a smaller fight had broken out at Priscilla's table. A few of the Christians were trying to form a human wall around Priscilla to protect her from the lunchroom monitors, while Priscilla continued to shout about… something. Kelly hovered at the edge of the riot taking photo after photo with her camera, a manic grin on her freckled face.
And Victor stood in the middle of it all. Doing nothing.
Maybe it was all the Warhammer 40,000, but something about standing by while the world fell apart no longer sat well with him. His plan had gone pear-shaped. He'd lost Jane.
Why not get involved? What did he have to lose at this point?
"The Imperial Guard holds the line!" he said to himself and ran to help Priscilla's brethren hold their line.
Seated comfortably behind her desk, Principal Angela Li mentally complimented herself for having the brilliant idea of categorizing closed-circuit cameras as educational materials (since, after all, they could hypothetically be used for lesson plans involving the inner workings of closed-circuit cameras). That alone had let her wire the whole school without denting the security budget.
And she owed it all to putting all the students in a single easily watched location. With them out of her hair, she could spend lunch doing serious thinking. The results, she reasoned, spoke for themselves.
A sudden rap at the door pulled Li out of her reverie. She glared. "What is it?" she asked.
"Principal Li!" came Mrs. Bennett's panicked voice from behind the door. "The cafeteria's in total chaos… anarchy, even!"
A shiver ran down Li's spine at that word. Then again, Bennett was known to be panicky. Perhaps this was an overreaction.
"I need more details, Bennett!" Li got up, walked over to the door, and locked it. More prudent this way.
"There's a huge fight! I think half the football team's involved, and there's this girl who's been making some kind of political speech which caused a big upset, and—"
"Get those lazy excuses for lunchroom monitors to do something!"
"They're trying, but I think they're overwhelmed."
"Hmm, on that case, get some of the teachers and do something! I'll be overseeing the situation from my bunker—I mean, office!"
Li returned to her desk, wondering if this would finally be the day that she'd have the chance to call in the National Guard.
"See, I told you things would fall apart before Thursday," Daria said.
She and Jane had sought shelter beneath one of the tables as a firestorm of coleslaw, Jell-o cups, and mashed potatoes filled the air.
"Curse my sunny optimism for thinking society would survive a few days longer," Jane replied.
"It never pays to look on the bright side."
As they waited for the chaos to abide, Jane wondered if this was what Victor had referred to when he'd talked about a contingency. Could he really have planned all this and pulled it off?
She doubted it. Though she'd be kind of impressed if he had.
Reaching Priscilla's table was a battle in and of itself. Victor squirmed his way through the tightly packed crowds. A banquet's variety of food stained his sweater.
But he'd made it.
Priscilla still shouted and gestured, looking very much like an Imperial Guard commissar making a furious last stand. Rebecca, Ken, and two others kept the monitors at bay as best they could but were clearly struggling. Not giving himself time to doubt, Victor ran forward and linked arms with Ken.
"I didn't know you were a believer!" Rebecca shouted. She looked even happier than usual. Or maybe just as happy as always—Victor couldn't really tell.
"I'm not," Victor said. "But I owe Priscilla."
A furious lunchroom attendant stared at him with her angry pit-bull eyes. Too exhausted to feel fear, Victor stared right back.
"I don't know what Li expects us to do!" Bennett whimpered.
Anthony DeMartino surveyed the scene of chaos unfolding before him and sneered.
"It's actually quite SIMPLE!" he said, striding forward and casually pushing some errant students to the side. "When dogs are in a fight, the most EFFECTIVE way to make them stop is to soak them. High school STUDENTS are similar to dogs, albeit less intelligent and RARELY worth the trouble to train."
Anthony reached out and pulled the fire alarm on the wall. Bells rang as the overhead sprinklers activated, the cafeteria experiencing its first ever internal rainstorm.
Voices immediately fell silent as the sprinklers soaked fighter and bystander alike. Students looked around, eyes agog and mouths gaping as their situation suddenly and irrevocably changed.
"I think Anthony fixed it, Principal Li," Bennett said, speaking into her walkie-talkie and trying to shelter herself with her arm.
Li's voice crackled over the loudspeakers a moment later.
"Order has been restored to Lawndale High! Rest assured that those of you who exploited this chaos will be punished! I don't care how many people I have to send to Saturday School—the rules must be enforced.
"It saddens me to say that you clearly are not mature enough to share the cafeteria. As such, I have no choice but to return to the previous lunch arrangements. You may no longer gather with all your classmates and colleagues in one convenient room—but you brought this upon yourselves, young people!"
Smiles broke out on the student body as Li announced the cessation of her hated cafeteria rule. The only ones who didn't notice were Brittany and Kevin, the two of them too busy making out with each other to care.