Happy New Year! I hope you get everything you've been working towards. Enjoy the chapter!

CHAPTER 24

WHO CONTROLS THE PAST

.

Movement next to Angela woke her up. Thin, early morning light slipped in through the bay window. Jeremy was awake, staring at the ceiling. Beyond him, Elena still slept.

"Hey," Angela whispered.

Jeremy looked at her, haunted.

"It'll take time." She had slept late and was half-asleep still. Jeremy welcomed her embrace, settling in as the littlest spoon there ever was. Angela shut her eyes with a sigh, his hair tickling her chin. "It'll take time."

He barely picked at his food during breakfast and got annoyed at Jenna's attempts to cheer him up. Elena claimed to have told him everything she knew inside the witch's house, so there was little Angela could catch him up on. But she could ask questions.

"What did you see?" She kept her voice gentle. "When you looked at Bonnie's grandmother, what did you see?"

Jeremy looked ill. He shook his head.

"I know it's difficult. And I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't extremely important that we know. You don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to." Angela took a notebook out of her bag and ripped a page out. "Take this. You don't have to do it all at once, but please write down what you saw when you looked at her. Okay?"

Jeremy hesitated. "Will you make it go away if I do?"

"You'll never have to see it again."

He nodded and took it.

"Thank you." Angela petted his head. "Do you feel like going to school today? I imagine dying entitles you to a day off."

"It would be better if he went," Jenna said. "From a strictly clinical viewpoint. But it's up to you, Jeremy. None of my textbooks list the best protocol for dealing with resurrection."

Jeremy's eyes lit up, and when he pretended to be very sad that he didn't feel like going, Angela was reassured that yes, despite the changes he had undergone, he would be perfectly fine.

Even Angela didn't feel like herself after yesterday's events. Taking a page out of Caroline's handbook, the worse she felt, the better she decided to look. A form-fitting, black turtleneck, a short, plaid skirt, thigh-highs to keep her warm, one too many necklaces, and a full face of makeup made her a touch overdressed for school, but Bonnie did go out of her way to compliment her, so it was worth it.

And the admiration in Stefan's eyes when he joined her at her locker was a definite bonus.

"You're so beautiful."

Angela smiled at him, though it was halfhearted. She put another book away. "Good morning to you too."

He must have sensed her mood. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just…"

Tyler breezed past them, a bit too close for comfort. Fuck. She had nearly convinced herself that last night never happened. She had to tell Stefan.

Angela shut her locker. "Can we go somewhere to talk?"

"Is it Jeremy?"

"No. Jeremy's okay. I mean, as okay as he can be. It's about something… human."

She took Stefan to the secluded picnic table behind the main building, where he once helped her practice her lines. She hadn't done anything wrong, but her lips had touched those of another, and considering everything Stefan had gone through in a different life, she still felt guilty.

"I couldn't sleep last night." She started off easy. "Elena and I invited Jeremy to our room, and I don't know if it was because I was trying to sleep on the floor or because of everything else that happened, but I was restless. So when Tyler texted me, asking if I wanted to join him for a…" She hesitated. Enabling a teenager was not her proudest moment. "For a smoke, I said yes. I went over, and we talked, and I told him I was in love with someone. And I guess it was the way I phrased it, or the way I looked at him, or something, but he must've thought I was confessing my feelings for him, because he kissed me."

Stefan's expression was impossible to decipher, but it was one she wished to erase.

"I pushed him away. Of course I pushed him away. But he knows about us, and he's not taking it well."

"I had a feeling he viewed you as more than a friend."

She grew despondent. "Am I the only one who had no clue?"

He forced a smile. "To be fair, you're not the best at telling when somebody's madly in love with you."

"Still. I feel horrible."

"No. It's not like you purposefully led him on. Right?"

"Of course not. I love him, but never like that. I watched him grow up. I helped him grow up. He's a kid."

"What if he wasn't? I mean, you'd be good together, wouldn't you? You're both human. Certain things would be… easier." The way he was talking, it was almost as if…

"Stefan Salvatore, are you jealous?"

A pause. He looked embarrassed. "Maybe. A little. I know it's stupid. I just… There are certain things I can't give you because of—"

"If I viewed him as an adult, then I would choose you." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I would always choose you."

Stefan's shoulders dropped. He nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't think I'd get like this."

"It's perfectly natural. Means you really like me."

"More than like." He cupped her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her forehead. He was so gentle with her. Perhaps more so than she deserved.

"What do you think of Saturday?" she said. "Our date at the boarding house."

"We'll have to get rid of Damon."

"I'll bring the stake."

He let out an amused breath. "Thank you. For reassuring your horribly possessive boyfriend."

"Trust me, as far as possessive boyfriends go, you're at the bottom of the list. Is that what you are, by the way? My boyfriend? Makes it sound like we're fifteen."

"What would you prefer?"

"Depending on how well you cook for me, I might skip forward to calling you my wife."

Pink spread across his cheeks. "Your wife."

Her smile was small and mischievous. "I think it'd be fun to have a wife. Don't you? I'd come home from a long day at the office, and my beautiful wife would greet me with a kiss—ciao, amore. Food would be on the table, a bath would be drawn, and at the end of the day, I'd thank her for everything in our bed, lavishing every inch of her body with affection. Especially her hands." She pressed her lips to each of his. "For all of their hard work."

Stefan looked deeply, wholly, irreparably in love. "You're ridiculous."

"I'm cherishing my wife, is all."

"You stop that. Before I actually grow to like the name."

Angela giggled. "It's far too easy to flirt with you. You're so…" She understood, on some level, why Elena had done what she had done in a different life, but with the way he was looking at her, Angela couldn't imagine ever breaking his heart. He softened her. Stefan softened her. "Loving you is effortless. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being in my life. By the way, can I come over after school? We need to get you into rehab, so to speak."

He nodded. "I can't lie and say I'm not afraid. I don't want to hurt you. I meant what I told Jeremy. Hurting you would—"

"You won't hurt me. You won't drink directly from me, and most of it will be animal blood. I'll be with you every step of the way. Keep you in check. Need to make Lexi proud of me, after all."

The bell rang. Stefan withdrew. "If I didn't know better, I'd be far more jealous of her than of Tyler."

"You should be." Angela bumped his shoulder. "She's your fiercest competitor."

.

"You know," Caroline said happily, "my money was on Elena for the longest time. But I'm glad he chose you. Means he's got taste." She finished pulling her leggings up and shut her locker in the girls' changing room.

Angela joined her on the walk to cheer practice. The crisp air chilled her. "So you're okay with being the last to find out?"

"Oh, no, I'm furious. And you are making it up to me. I need a dress for the '50s decade dance next month."

Angela groaned. "I already promised Bonnie I'd buy her something for not telling her straight away."

"Great! Let's make it a whole thing. Invite Elena too. And Anna." The name held gravitas. "I am giving that girl a makeover if it kills me."

"Has Tyler spoken to you today?"

Caroline faltered, and continued walking with less momentum. "No. Why?"

"Can I ask you something? And promise me you'll tell the truth. Why have you been upset with me recently?"

"Oh, I've moved past—"

"Caroline. Please. As my sister."

Caroline stopped walking. There was a silent plea in her eyes, begging Angela to drop the subject. Her glossy lips parted and shut, but no excuses spilled forth. "Because Tyler likes you. Even though I still like him."

Angela nodded. "He told me last night. I rejected him. I've never been your competition, Care-bear. I would never want to be."

"Then drop out of Miss Mystic."

"Excuse me?"

Caroline crossed her arms. "The Miss Mystic pageant. Drop out. It's bad enough I'm going up against Elena. The two of you have the whole town's sympathy after what happened to your parents. I could never win against you."

"You already did. You won in a different life, because you're beautiful and smart and you work hard for the things that you want. You give more to this town than the two of us put together. Who wouldn't pick you?"

"Tyler. My dad. Even Stefan. You know I was crushing on him when he first showed up? I mean, how could I not? I'm over it, really, and I'm happy you're together. I just— Matt too." Caroline looked a step away from crying. "He looked really cute at the Founders' Party, and I tried flirting with him, but he just wanted to talk to Elena all night. And you're right. I work so hard, but guys never pick me." A tear slid down her rosy cheek. "I'm never the one."

"Miss Forbes." The coach uniform did not suit Harper well. He was too youthful for it. Too kind. Angela could not picture him barking orders at football players like Tanner used to. He extended a handkerchief. A proper, cloth one, like gentlemen used to carry back in his day. Caroline was slow to take it. He assured her that she could. "It would be a pity for tears to sully a creature as brilliant as you. Not to diminish Miss Gilbert's beauty or that of her sister, but any man who would scorn you is of no good character, or indeed worthy of being called a man at all. Please, keep it." He smiled. "I have others."

Harper left, and Caroline stared after him while clutching his handkerchief tightly, and Angela saw that, at least for the hour, she had fallen in love.

.

Stefan opened the door to the boarding house not one second after Angela rang the bell. She must have shown that she was startled, or perhaps he heard her heart skip a beat, because he apologized and explained, awkwardly, that he happened to be by the door already.

She grabbed a whiskey glass while he retrieved animal blood from the freezer in the basement. The amount didn't fill the bag housing it halfway, and Angela decided that she could go without learning what animal it came from and how he extracted it.

They went up to his bedroom for privacy. Angela sat him down on the bed and, after digging a portable sewing kit from her bag, joined him. He had emptied the blood into the glass and held it tightly with both hands.

"You're nervous." Angela slid a needle out of the kit.

"I can't help it. It was hard to drag myself from the edge last time I had your blood."

"Because you had a lot. We'll go slowly this time. Show you that you can drink blood without acting out. I have a theory, you know, about why you are the way that you are."

"I'm so intigued." He did not sound intrigued. He sounded miserable. It made Angela laugh.

"I do. It makes complete sense if you think about it. When you turned, your only reference for vampirism was someone who took without your permission, whose morality was skewed beyond repair, who drove a wedge between you and Damon and who betrayed your trust. And the way you completed your transition… your father… I can't imagine how you must have felt."

Stefan cast his gaze downward. His grip on the glass loosened and tightened. "She was my first in everything," he said quietly. "Katherine."

"What about Valerie?"

"Who?"

Angela stared at him in silence. He couldn't have been compelled. Could he? Did Valerie not exist? If Valerie did not exist, did Lily not exist? Apparently Enzo existed, and she remembered that Lily had turned Enzo, but if—

Angela snapped herself out of it. This was not the time. Stefan was vulnerable, and she needed to comfort him.

"No one. Sorry." She rested a hand on his knee. "Tell me more about Katherine. It'll help, I think."

"I don't know how much of it was real. My relationship with her. None of it, probably. She compelled me. I couldn't have loved someone like her. I must have known what she would do to me. To Damon. Part of me must have known." He faced her with his body. "Do you know? Was I compelled to love her? To kiss her? To lay with her? Do you know?"

Imagining his reaction to the truth hurt her, but she would feel a hundred times worse if she lied to him.

"From what I know," she said, "until the morning after she bit you, your feelings had been real. Any choices you had made until then had been your own."

He looked like she had stabbed him.

"But it wasn't your fault, Stefan. It wasn't your fault. Deception has been her specialty ever since she turned into a vampire, because it's what helped her survive. And you said it yourself, she was your first in everything. You had no frame of reference. You were only seventeen."

"Men grew up quicker back then."

"I don't care. You were seventeen, and she was centuries old, and you were destined to fail the moment she set eyes on you." She squeezed his knee. "It wasn't your fault."

"She told me that I was the reason she stayed with me and my family. That when she saw me, she needed to have me. I brought her into our home. I killed my father. I forced Damon to complete his transition. It is my fault. Everything is my fault."

Angela shook her head. "Is that what you would tell me? If Katherine had stayed with my family because she wanted me. If I was turned and I fed on Jenna because the call of her blood was too strong. If I realized I couldn't live an eternity without my sister and made her complete her transition. Would you sit here and tell me it's all my fault? Or would you be reasonable and blame Katherine instead? Because you can't ask me to be unreasonable to you. I refuse. And I refuse to let you be unreasonable to yourself."

"You're right, I think. Your theory about my… condition. The second I turned, I became trapped in a nightmare. When I saw my father's body, his blood on my hands. When the memories started returning. They came back in fragments. It took a long time to piece things together. Lexi helped." A sad smile left him as quickly as it came. "If only she had been the first vampire I met."

"She was. She introduced you to the good parts. We just need to make it sink in that it's not all one or the other. And if you're ready—" She raised the needle to her index finger. "—we can start now."

Stefan took a deep breath. Nodded. "Okay."

Angela pricked her finger. Several drops fell into the glass. Stefan shifted his focus elsewhere.

"Hey," Angela said. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"You saw my blood recently and managed okay."

"This time, I know I'm going to drink it."

"And you'll remain in control. It's okay. Look at my hand, honey. Everything's going to be okay." The name slipped out unbidden, but it made sense to her. It was what he tasted like, after all.

He turned his head back towards her. Veins teased his skin, never presenting themselves fully. He dug his fingers into the edge of the bed.

"There you go," Angela said. "Not so bad, is it?" She sucked on the wound to stem the blood flow. He followed the movement closely.

She gave him the glass with more gentle words of encouragement. He stared at it for a few moments, then shut his eyes and began to drink.

Angela watched him the entire time. She had a decent idea as to when he reached her contribution, as he paused to savor it before continuing. He lowered the empty glass. A bit of blood remained on the edge of his mouth. Angela wiped it with her thumb and hovered, patient, until he kissed it clean.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

He set the glass down and spoke quietly. "Alright so far. There wasn't a rush like there normally is when I drink human blood. When I stop, all I can think is when can I have more? But not this time."

"Good. We'll do this every day and slowly up the dose until most of it is human and your fear is gone. Tell me if you ever get that rush, and we'll lower it."

"I tend to lie if I want more. It's easy to promise now, but whether I'll keep that promise when the time comes, I don't know. I might act like everything's fine."

"That's okay. You can't hide from me. I'll smoke you out."

He smiled. "You're cute. Have I ever told you how cute you are?"

"Me threatening you is cute?"

"Mhm. Very cute, threatening a vampire over a hundred years older than you."

"I've met older. You're not that scary."

"No?"

"No. I could easily take you. I'd take you in this bedroom if I wanted to." She bit her lip to suppress a smile. "I'd take you in this very bed."

His breath hitched. A sinful look flashed across his features. Sinful and loving and hers. "I regret that I wasn't myself that night. I don't think I've ever told you that. I regret that you didn't see exactly how I can ruin you when I'm in control."

Her stomach flipped pleasantly. "Is that so?"

"Mhm."

"Well I think," she breathed an inch away from his mouth, "that you're a bitter old man who lost his touch decades ago. And you're going to have to try very hard in order to prove me wrong."

There was possession in the way he kissed her. Not the juvenile sort they had spoken about at school. This was something deeper. Primal. He was stealing a piece of her soul, and she was stealing a piece of his.

Angela was on her back, with him on top of her. His stiff arousal dug into her thigh, and at every faint noise that she made, it pulsed.

"I love you," he whispered between kisses, fingers tangled in her hair. "Thank you for helping me."

"I love you too." She gasped when he moved to kiss the uninjured side of her throat. "You know, I had an idea. The other day."

His hum tickled the crook of her neck.

"How I should drag you to the janitor's closet in school and—" She moaned when he sucked on her skin. Another pulse. "—and get on my knees. Pleasure you with my mouth. I won't need to take your clothes off, so you won't look disheveled coming out. I want to do that." She clutched the fabric of his dark hoodie. "I want to pleasure you with my mouth."

"That's a good idea," he murmured, breath shaky. "But just as I tasted you once today, I intend on tasting you again. You'll have to wait your turn."

He was off her, and she felt herself be pulled, and in the next blink she was at the edge of the bed, legs hanging off the side with Stefan kneeling between them.

"You're right." The way he looked at her was monstrous and gave her butterflies. He hiked her legs over his shoulders. "I don't need to take your clothes off. What we're doing is perfectly appropriate for an academic environment."

He kissed along the twin strips between her skirt and thigh-highs, then played with the edge of her socks, pulling them down an inch so he could access more skin, and up again after he kissed it, finger hooked over the edge.

In a horrible flash, a name came to Angela.

"Wait."

Stefan stopped.

"What about Damon?" she asked.

"What about him?"

"Can't he… you know…" She squirmed. "Hear us?"

Stefan smiled. "If he knows what's good for him, he's long gone. Let's not talk about my brother right now."

"Okay."

"Is there anything else? Because if you're uncomfortable—"

"Shut up and keep going."

Stefan laughed quietly. He pulled a sock's elastic and let go, effectively slapping her thigh. "Don't get bratty. It's unbecoming."

"I'm not—"

He hiked up her skirt and kissed her clothed sex, eliciting a small gasp.

His fingers toyed with her underwear. He pulled it down slowly, intimately, every drag of skin against skin buzzing like static. He left it dangling off one of her legs, keeping his promise of taking nothing off. His arms wrapped around her hips, and he brought her to his mouth.

His tongue tested her, seeing what felt good and what didn't. Once he learned what made her tick—which took a startlingly short amount of time—his passion deepened, and he pulled her closer, losing himself in her heat, devouring. Angela's hand fell to his head, wanting to praise him but being unable to do so with words. He looked into her eyes often, heightening everything.

Angela let out soft gasps and moans, and occasionally—embarrassingly—he drew a particularly pathetic noise out of her, which made him moan in turn. When she ground into him, he pressed down on her pubic bone and pulled back, mouth and chin glistening from her essence. He was somehow both stern and playful. "Be a good girl for me and stay."

Coming from him, that did something unholy. She clenched around nothing, chest heaving. "You're too good at this." Her voice shook.

"Am I? Thought I was a bitter old man." He kissed her inner thigh. "Who's lost his touch."

"You know damn well—" She cut herself off with a squeal as he returned to devouring. Her legs tightened around his head of their own accord, and when she tugged on his hair, he groaned into her.

How aroused was he? She hoped he was desperate.

"Do you ever think of me," she gasped, "when you touch yourself?"

"Every time. I've thought of you like this. Splayed out on my bed, coming apart from my touch. How many times I've thought of you, I've lost count."

"Mm— fuck. You're worse than I thought."

"I'd be content like this. Pleasuring you instead of me. I'm somehow fulfilled. Yes, I am worse than you thought."

"Perverse."

"Wretched. I deserve nothing."

She had no chance to respond, to even begin to process what he just told her, because she was rising to a crescendo and tingles were building, and she tugged his hair and gasped, "Stefan, I'm so— fuck. Please, please fuck me."

He let out a desperate moan, sounding close to release despite not having received stimulation. Angela was pushed closer and closer to the edge, and finally she fell, legs clamping down on either side of his head, eyes rolling back, fingers pulling hard because she knew he could take it. Her noises were obscene, would have embarrassed her if she cared about anything other than her pleasure. He worked her through it, letting her come down gently and settle into bliss, caressing her legs until she remembered herself and made them go lax.

Her heart was pounding. Her breaths came quick and heavy. Her ears rang from the force of her orgasm, and sounds became muffled for a short time.

She tugged on his hair again, and he understood her invitation for a kiss, coming up to capture her lips, letting her taste herself.

"Lie down," she whispered.

She took a moment to kick off her underwear, watching him gather what remained of her on his face and lick his fingers clean. She straddled him and met his mouth. When he dragged his hands up her waist, she took them in hers and pinned them to the bed.

She pulled back just enough to admire him. Their noses brushed against each other. "My lovely Stefan," she said, "you deserve everything."

Heartbreak flashed across his face. He swallowed hard. "You're so good to me. Better than I deserve."

"How funny. I had a similar thought just earlier, except the other way around. You're better than I deserve."

"No, I—"

"Whatever you're about to say, I can turn right back around on you. But I think I told you once that life's not about deserve. If you make me happy and I make you happy, that's all that matters."

"You make me very happy."

She smiled. "As happy as you make me."

His eyes became glassy. "I love you. I know I keep saying it, but I do. It's hard to explain how intense it is for a vampire. It's obsessive. I'm obsessive. My thoughts. I'm ashamed of how constantly I think of you."

She captured his lips, trying to reassure him that it was okay. That it was all okay. She knew what she had signed up for. "I love you too."

She took her time, trying to make him see how beautiful he was, how understood he made her feel. Her hands had just slipped beneath his hoodie when her cellphone rang. She ignored it, determined to continue, but after the fifth ring, Stefan did not.

"Aren't you going to answer?" he breathed out.

"When I have you like this? No chance."

"Could be important."

"They'll call again if it is."

The ringing stopped.

Angela teased him under the hoodie, never quite taking it off, though she did get high enough to learn that his nipples were sensitive. A pleasant surprise, coming from a man.

The phone rang again. Stefan pulled her away.

"I think it's important," he choked out.

Angela groaned. "How are you being responsible right now?"

"A century of self control."

She huffed and, with monumental effort, tore herself from him. When she excavated her phone from her bag, she saw that it was Elena. She brought it up to her ear.

"Hello?"

There was silence, broken by sniffling. Worry roosted in Angela's gut.

"Elena?"

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Her voice was tight. Scratchy. She had been crying.

"Tell you what?"

Elena drew a deep breath, and with the following question, swept the earth from beneath Angela's feet. "Are we adopted?"

Ugh need me a stefussy for real, help.