Kilroy Was Here: Still 1956

"Where are we?" I asked Capt. America.

"First of all call me Steve," he said.

"Good to meet you Steve," I said.

"Déjà vu to you also," replied Steve. That was a response I wasn't expecting. Steve obviously noticed. He explained, "I've meet you before, but this is the first time you've meet me. Since you're a time traveler you live life out of order."

That made sense. I said so.

"When one of us, especially if we're friends; have meet you before we usually respond with 'Déjà vu to you too' like I did just now," explained Steve.

"I see," I replied.

"Are we waiting for something?" I asked looking around at the battlefield that was now quiet.

"Yes," confirmed Steve.

An amber looking portal opened up and several goons wearing black riot armor stepped out. "On behalf of the time variance authority you are under arrest for breaching the multi-verse and time sequence violations," said the goon.

"I'm Captain Steve Rogers," he was cut off.

"We know who you are Mr. Rogers. We have an extensive file on you," said the goon in charge. Then looking at me, "Give me your name and don't lie to us."

Steve looked at me with a grin, "Tell them the truth Jack."

"Jack Kilroy at your service," I said. They froze and stood like statues. I might as well have been Santa Clause himself; for real. All of the goons stopped and just started staring at me, and then at each other. After a few moments I spoke again, "My name is Jack Kilroy. Do you have a file on me?"

"That can't be Jack," said one of the goons. "He'd never ask that question."

"What are they talking about?" I asked Steve.

"That is the time variance authority. They are VERY lawful neutral, and completely unflexible," he explained. "They are scared of you. For very good reasons," Concluded Steve.

"Why would I never ask that question?" I asked the goon in charge directly.

"Because the real Jack Kilroy can't be recorded. There are no records of him ever," she replied. Her tone was clearly one of great concern.

I thought for a moment, "I assume you're recording this?"

"We are," she said.

"I'm I on the feed?" I asked. She looked. "Just like you told me, don't lie," I told her.

"You are not," she said.

"I want you to attempt to file a report right now," I instructed.

"No," she said.

"I wasn't asking," I replied.

"You're enjoying this," said Steve.

"Have you ever been pulled over by a traffic cop who realizes your Captain American and he just wants to be a jerk?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have," confessed Steve.

"We are not traffic cops," objected the goon in charge.

"I don't care," I said. Everyone just sort of looked at each other for a few moments. "Why don't you call this in?" I asked.

Reluctantly, the goon in charge spoke into her radio, "HTC we have a situation. I have a man in custody who claims to be Jack Kilroy," she said.

"Did you say; you have him 'in custody'?" asked the voice on the other end of the radio.

"Correct," she said.

"Standby," said the voice. There was a pause, "Does Mr. Kilroy show up on your scanner?"

She checked, "No."

"But you can see and hear him?" asked the voice.

"Yes," she confirmed. She looked like she was now in big trouble.

"Mr. Kilroy my name is Andre Von-Trap. Can you hear me?" asked Andre.

"Yes," I said.

"He said yes," answered the goon in charge.

"I don't need you to answer for me?" I objected.

"He just said that I don't need to answer for him," relayed the goon in charge.

"Mr. Kilroy you cannot be recorded by any device, means, or method. This also means that while you can hear me, I cannot hear you unless I can hear you with my own ears. Nobody can."

I looked at Steve, "He's right," said Steve.

"And since you can't keep any records of me, and all your power at the Time Variance Authority is dependent on records. That means that my ability to mess with you is extremely," I paused to find the right adverb.

"He knows sir," said the goon in charge.

"Mr. Kilroy we apologize for bothering you; please accept our most humble apologies." I didn't know how to respond since the voice on the radio apparently couldn't hear me.

"Run," commanded the voice on the radio. The goons did, they left.

A lot of people in my situation would feel a rush of power. I was concerned. This didn't sit right with me. I turned to Steve, "I can't be that powerful." I said; it was not a question.

"You are; in certain domains," Steve replied. "Some of the most powerful entities in existence are extremely cautious of you simply because you are immune to paradox. Anyone who has tried to erase you from existence has ended up erasing themselves instead."

"Wait a minute," I objected. "If I'm immune to paradox that in itself is a paradox," I pointed out.

"Good thing you're immune," replied Steve with a very big smile.

"Okay, if I've erased people who have tried to erase me from existence how would anybody know that was a possibility? There wouldn't be anybody to make that observation or tell the story," I objected.

"Good thing you're immune," Steve repeated.

"let's go home," said Steve. "Peggy will be ecstatic to see you."

"Peggy?" I asked.

"My wife," replied Steve.

"Okay, how are we going to get there?" I asked.

"You're gonna teleport us there, or close by." Steve was serious.

"How do I do that?" I asked genuinely.

"Wow, you really are super new at this," he said. It wasn't a question. "Okay, have you ever been to the Washington Monument?" he asked.

"I've been to the Lincoln Memorial when I was a kid," I replied.

"Close enough," he said. "Okay concentrate on that place and imagine us there… …

That was all it took. We appeared there. "It can't be that easy," I objected. "Yet we are here." Steve let me think for a few minutes.

"Why didn't I do this while we were fighting those things?" I asked.

"Your concentration was divided at that time. That greatly complicates the teleport procedure said a woman's voice." A pretty brunette lady was there. This was obviously Peggy. "Hello handsome," she said to Steve.

She then gave me a real big hug. "Jack it's so good to see you. You've been a good friend to Steve and I. We are going to be good friends for you as well." I noticed that my friendship to them was past tense continuing into the present, while their friendship to me was extending from the present tense into the future. I made note of the syntax in the language. It would be useful as a time traveler.

"I brought the car boys," said Peggy. Peggy drove while Steve insisted I sit in the front seat. I was tired.

"We need to get Jack some coffee quick," said Steve. Peggy handed me a thermos. "It's got a lot of crème and sugar; Jack."

I took the lid off and it smelled wonderful. "Don't fall asleep," said Peggy.

"Why?" I asked. Things got very serious all of a sudden.

Peggy answered, "Okay, was it easy for you to teleport to the Lincoln Memorial?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Time travel is different," she explained. "You have limited control over your time travel ability." She paused. "You can only time travel when your unconscious," she said bluntly.

I had to admit that made sense. "That explains why I've woken up in strange places with no idea of how I got there."

"There's a present for you under the seat," said Peggy.

I looked; there was a wooden box. I pulled it out and there was a Smith and Wesson logo on the lid. A 44 magnum with a six and a half inch barrel was in it. It was nickel plated. It had a pinned barrel, and recessed chambers in the cylinder.

It must be Christmas somewhere; I thought to myself.