Hey there! Happy New Year!

I'm a bit late, sue the end of the year celebrations!

Beware of lots of issues mentioned in this chapter, mainly Stolas' mental issues along with his coping mechanisms and the consequences of his trauma, along with mentions of the SA he endured.

Chapter 37 – I know

Moxxie and Millie exchanged a look and nodded before obeying, quickly followed by Loona, who offered a hand to Octavia.

The owlet hesitated, gaze going from the hellhound to the imp to her father in quick successions.

"Do I really need to leave too?" She asked, even thought she already knew the answer. She had managed to make her father smile after they were done with the list, and whatever it was Blitz wanted to talk with him about, she had an inkling it would make him sad again.

"Yes sweetie, please." Blitz asked her, gaze softening.

"I will be fine starfire", Stolas encouraged her with a soft smile. Via nodded and got off the bed to join Loona, before turning toward her father again.

"I think we'll hang around in my room, if you need us."

"Yeah, we got a project to finish", the hellhound smirked.

"Okay sweeties, take care!" Blitz smiled at her, and it sounded genuine, not just an attempt to get them out.

Both girls glanced at each other as if in silent agreement before waving at their fathers as they left the room, closing the door behind.

The assassin barely waited until he heard the click before he focused his attention back on his bird, frowning as he observed him.

"Did you drink while I was away? Your kid still acted like you could faint at any moment."

"Ah, it's just, I did drink a bit, but I guess we were mainly focused on making sure everything went well. Besides, it seems that my body is finally reaching his limit and letting me know."

He had a sheepish expression as he said that, probably knowing Blitz wouldn't like it. The imp was indeed frowning, but didn't linger on it as he kicked his boots to the side.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised. Maybe it's just the effect of not having to hide everything anymore too, but don't worry, we'll manage", he assured him, trying to adopt a softer tone of voice as he jumped on the bed, close to the owl but without touching him for now. The tension returned, but instead of looking severe, instead he seemed hesitant as he looked up at Stolas.

"What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" The prince asked softly.

Blitz opened his mouth then closed it, his gaze lingering on the side to spot the glass of water on the bedside table, still full, before he closed his eyes with a sight.

No more delaying the inevitable then.

"I know it may be too soon for you… Us to have this conversation, but I think it's best to start now, even if we can't talk about everything and need to finish later", the imp started, eyes open and focused on Stolas' face, extra careful of his body language.

It was probably a bit too obnoxious a way to start, for the prince was already tensing a bit, but it was light enough for Blitz to want to keep going as Stolas frowned.

"What… Conversation?"

"We need to talk about what you went through birdie, and the effect it had on you, so I can help you with your eating problem and stuff", Blitz started, thinking back to the owl saying he was disposable earlier, and the mere memory of Stolas' voice saying such a thing sent a chill of both anger and worry through him, not to mention Moxxie mentioning Stolas' drinking, or how the owl probably didn't sleep much the past nights. "But before that, no matter what you agree to tell me or not, I guess I need to be honest first. I found out… Something, while I was taking care of the first hellhound."

Stolas' reaction was exactly the one Blitz expected: the owl tensed, starting to shrink and curl on himself, probably already guessing or at least fearing what it was about.

"What… Do you mean?"

"I know Loona didn't tell me anything because she wanted you to be the one to tell me", Blitz blurted out, worried taking too long would just worry the owl even more. "I swear I didn't want to question them about it, I just wanted to get it over with, but he spoke first, and Loona confirmed that's what you were hiding, because I was worried there could be more. I… Stolas, please, I'm so fucking sorry I found out that way, but I swear it'll be fine, we can talk about it, there's nothing wrong or shameful okay?"

Blitz was looking desperate now, a hand toward Stolas without daring to touch as the owl seemed to get more and more tense as the imp explained what the hound revealed, fear in his eyes and shivers starting anew.

"Stols? Please talk to me. It's alright, I swear, whatever you're worried about, it will be fine, we just need to…"

Stolas suddenly whined and flinched back, and Blitz froze before slowly moving back as well, not having realized how he had instinctively leaned toward the bird to try and appease him. It was so stupid, he knew Stolas didn't like physical contact whenever they were talking about this, yet like the fucking moron he was, he kept forgetting and fucking it up.

"Fuck, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Please, tell me what I can do to help. I'm staying right here, I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to do", Blitz assured him, trying to talk softly as he sat back on the bed, slowly raising his hands in the air in order to not scare his bird off.

He had no fucking idea how to deal with all of this. Stolas had looked better when he returned, and Via had said he was fine too, how did he manage to fuck it up so badly so quickly? Was it too soon to talk about all this? Blitz thought it was best to be honest and directly confess as to what he had learned, but maybe it was a mistake on his part.

"What… What did he tell you exactly?" Stolas whispered, voice wavering, eyes not meeting Blitz's.

The imp hesitated for barely a second when he saw the distress on Stolas' face. Better get it over with if he had already started to fuck it up anyway, right?

"He… He said they raped you, several time", Blitz answered through gritted teeth, tail lashing out behind him, the news still too fresh to be able to contain the anger that grew inside him at the thought.

He had looked aside as he said that, lost in the memories of what the fucker had said, already wishing he could punch him again, make his death even more slow and painful, and of course, his brain being the fucker it was, couldn't help but bring back the line "You know, he'll think of us now, if you try to fuck him again. He'll never forget us" to the forefront of his memory, like a threat of what would happen if Blitz fucked it up. He clenched his fists at the idea, spikes raised as he tried to push the sordid details back so he could focus on the present, but what truly brought him back was Stolas' voice, so small and pitiful he was lucky he hadn't started growling yet or he'd have missed it.

"I'm sorry."

It was the equivalent of if someone poured a bucked of ice cold water on the imp, who suddenly looked back at the owl, who had somehow managed to shrink even more on himself, gaze avoidant and an expression that looked like a mix of guilt and shame on his face.

"What? No, don't apologize!" Blitz exclaimed, outraged at the mere idea that it was Stolas' first reflex. He didn't have time to explain that thought, for Stolas flinched at his too loud voice and somehow managed to curl and shrink on himself again.

Blitz leaned back, horrified, and forced himself to calm the fuck down and take a few deep breaths.

Calm down you idiot, you're stressing him out. Fizz is right, you need to get your shit together, for him. Come on, you got this.

Once he felt like he didn't risk exploding again, he glanced at the owl again, and winced.

Stolas was hugging himself, pressed against the headboard as if he could disappear in it, hunched on himself and leaning on the opposite side of the bed than the one Blitz was on, as if to avoid him. Hi breathing was quick, but not as loud as when he was full blown panicking, so there was still a chance he could make things right… Hopefully.

Blitz grumbled, rubbing his face with his hands before settling on the easiest way to appease Stolas he could think of without touching him and with no risk of fucking it up with a wrong choice of word.

The purring was so low, at first, Blitz himself could barely feel it, but he forced himself to turn it up very slowly and carefully, watching the owl's reaction.

Stolas' breathing hitched when he finally noticed the purring, and when it resumed, his breaths were slower and deeper. He was still staring into space, but his whole body was slowly relaxing the louder the purring got, to the point Stolas' eyes were almost closed when Blitz reached the maximum he could do.

The imp kept going, eyes still on his bird, trying to refrain the anxious moves of his tail to not distract the bird. He looked better, relaxed, he couldn't afford to scare him off now.

Yet, even as Stolas appeared more at peace, position a bit straighter, arms hugging himself less tightly, it still didn't look like he was ready to talk. On the contrary, he seemed on the verge of falling asleep. Which, sure, yeah, the bird needed that too, but fuck, Blitz couldn't just switch gear and act like if he didn't know, right? That would clearly just stress the bird out.

As slowly and carefully as possible, Blitz started to get off the bed and circle the bed to keep his distances with the prince. Stolas' eyes shot wide open when he felt the mattress and sheets move, a white dot appearing briefly, but he quickly relaxed when he realized it was his imp, and simply followed him with his gaze as the assassin finally reached the side where the glass of water was. He carefully took it to offer it to the bird, cautious not to approach too much nor too quickly.

"Here, try to drink a few gulps for me, okay?"

Stolas took the glass with the same speed than Blitz gave it to him, and seemed to consider it before he finally started to drink. When he gave it back, the water in it had barely diminished by a quarter, but Blitz said nothing, only setting it back down and trying to smile warmly at his bird.

"Good, that's good. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just told you all that out of the blue, but it's not your fault alright? I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at them for doing that to you."

The asshole's voice was already coming back in Blitz's mind, reminding him that they were so harsh that Stolas had trouble walking, that he even fell unconscious, that they saw his state get worse each day… Fuck it, he already wanted to go and punch the hound he put in a cell.

Blitz closed his eyes to breath again and chase the voice away, trying to ground himself. When the voice left and he was calm again, at least as much as he could be, he opened his eyes to meet Stolas' worried gaze on him.

"Are you okay?" The owl asked, and Blitz had to make such a huge effort to not actually go and tear the remaining hound a new one. Guess it was a good idea to keep one alive in the end, but not for the reason he initially did it for.

"I'm fine", Blitz quickly assured him before the Goetia could worry. "I'm just angry that all of that happened to you, and I had no idea, could do nothing to help. But it's not your fault! It's these assholes', okay? This kind of shit happening is never your fault, do you hear me? Never."

"But…" Stolas started, eyes downcast again. "I didn't do anything to stop it. I should have found something sooner, at least for you…"

"No birdie. You did the best you could…"

"It wasn't enough!" Stolas cut him, curling on himself again. Blitz frowned but refrained from saying anything, knowing it'd come out too harsh. Instead, he focused on his purring again, slowly offering a hand to the bird.

Stolas just blinked at it, before his gaze went to Blitz's face, a questioning look on his face.

"I'm not mad at you Stolas", Blitz repeated. "You were put in far more danger and trouble than me in the end."

"Just because you didn't know your life was in danger", Stolas whispered back, tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes. "If I had done more…"

Blitz slightly flinched, but tried not to let it show, his hand still offered to the bird as he tried to reassure him:

"I could have done a lot more too. I've known you were hurt for the first time weeks ago, yet I only yelled at you for it and didn't try to get answers until I found you hurt another time."

"That was because I pushed you away", Stolas reminded him.

"No, that's because I was too much of a pussy to look into it, because it was easier to think you were handling things rather than admit you maybe needed my help, like you did back when with Striker and I didn't help you because I thought you were just fooling around again at first."

Both demons froze at the sudden change of topic. Stolas slowly looked up, the tears still in his eyes but not falling yet, still it made for a heartbreaking look as he opened his beak, voice wavering.

"You still sent your employees", Stolas reminded him, and it did sound sincere, but also somehow off. Blitz winced at that, still not proud of his actions back then, but the owl wasn't done, his eyes uncertain like if it was difficult to keep eye contact. "What I meant to ask is…"

He hesitated, before looking off, shame and guilt coming back on his face.

"Sorry, forget it."

"No, please, tell me", Blitz asked softly. His arm was starting to tire a bit from still being outstretched toward the owl, but he didn't give a fuck. He would keep it here until Stolas took his hand or shooed him away.

Stolas glanced back, and only then seemed to notice that Blitz's hand was still there. He stared at it for a few seconds before his gaze found Blitz's eyes again.

"I… Thought you didn't care, what happened to me, when you didn't visit me in the hospital", he finally admitted with a small voice. "I thought it didn't matter, I didn't matter to you, when you never asked how I was doing up until we met at our last full moon. So I thought you wouldn't care either what was happening to me, especially when you got angry over my injuries, saying I didn't trust you and lied to you. I just need to understand, what's… Why is it different now? What changed? Is it just because you feel responsible? Because you aren't, it was Stella, not you…"

"I know that", Blitz said, and he almost wasn't lying. "I know it's not my fault, but I also know I could have done more to help. I didn't, not because I didn't care, but because I was scared of what it would mean if what I feared was true I guess. It was easier to see you as this untouchable prince, for… Personal reasons. But I'm working on it!"

Blitz tried to be reassuring when he noticed his last words, instead of cheering up the owl, only seemed to depress him even more. He almost leaned toward him before remembering just in time it wasn't a good idea. Sure, they had changed the subject a bit, but it was still probably for the best if he didn't try to initiate contact himself. Instead, he watched anxiously as a first, small tear rolled down his bird's cheek, having to fight off the urge to join him to wipe the tear off.

"You must think I'm pathetic, don't you?" Stolas asked, looking down. "A prince who never fought back against his wife in his own home, and now this…"

"No no, I would never think that!" Blitz assured him, speaking maybe a tad too loudly, but Stolas didn't react to it. Still, the imp resumed his purring, that had considerably lowered as they were talking, trying to catch Stolas' eyes without invading his space. "It was stupid of me to think, I'm sorry. I'll surely explain some day why I acted the way I did, but it has nothing to do with you, alright? It's my own problems that I was handling poorly, but as I said, I'm working on it! Right now, I want to be there for you, to help you!"

Blitz couldn't resist slightly leaning toward the owl, and Stolas shrunk back on instinct, before his eyes landed on the hand still offered to him. His gaze then traveled up to Blitz's face, open and soft and hopeful, and the owl's brows furrowed, as if deep in thought.

Stolas didn't feel like he deserved any of this. He was so fucking weak, his own daughter had taken care of him all day long, doing magic in his place and not even letting him get up. There was no way the demons around him weren't helping him just out of pity, yet… Yet Blitz assured him he cared, even before. That he wasn't just doing it out of guilt. Could he trust that? Even if he couldn't, was it really the right thing to do to push the imp back, when he has been begging for his attention and affection for so long? But was it truly right to take it if it wasn't true, if he was just using Blitz's guilt for himself?

Emotions were still high, and Stolas' composure long forgotten after the day he had. Blitz bringing up that he knew what Stolas had tried so hard to hide didn't help, and he was still too scared to dwell on any of it, knowing he couldn't process it all right now, but…

Blitz was still here, hand still outstretched, disgust and judgment absent from his eyes, his posture inviting and only inviting. He wasn't trying to force Stolas, and he had been supportive from the start… So why couldn't Stolas just trust that?

Voices danced in the back of his mind, Stella's voices, the hound's, even Andrealphus', but before he could spiral again, Blitz's purring grew louder, pushing the voices away. Stolas hesitated, looking at the scarred hand, and slowly, he reached out with his own hand, until his fingers closed around Blitz's.

Both demon's gazes went from their joined hands to each other's face, Stolas hesitant, Blitz smiling softly.

"Do you want me to join you on the bed? Or do you want me to stay where I am?" Blitz easily offered, sounding okay with both options.

Stolas didn't have to think long to know what option he preferred. He still wasn't sure he deserved it, but he also knew he couldn't resist when the imp himself was offering him with such a cute face.

"Can you… Come over and hold me, please?"

Blitz nodded, and started to climb on the bed before crawling toward the bird. There wasn't much distance between them, yet the imp was taking his time, trying to play it cool but also careful of any change in Stolas' body language. When there wasn't, and the bird even moved so Blitz could slide next to him, arms open to invite for snuggling, the imp smirked and slowly snuggled back against the owl, nuzzling in his neck and purring going back to maximum level as both demons hugged each other.

Once they both found a position they were comfortable in, they both unknowingly closed their eyes at the same time. Blitz kept purring, nose in the soft, blood free feathers, still mindful of the injuries he knew remained, and that he would need to ask about too at some point. But the list was still too fucking long, and the most urgent was definitely that whole sexual assault shit, since it was probably what was causing Stolas his eating problem. Which… Fuck, Blitz feared he knew why, but he really hoped he was fucking wrong.

Stolas tightened his hold on the imp, also basking in his smell, in knowing he was somehow still alive even after all those weeks endangering him. This time he wasn't hidden in the assassin's chest, he rather felt like he was the one sheltering his lover, and it was a welcome change, making him feel a bit more in control, no matter how much he liked it when Blitz was acting all protective.

The owl tensed when he realized how he had just thought of the demon in his arms without meaning to.

A lover.

Stolas knew of his feelings for Blitz, but… What about the imp's? What if he got tired of him, of having to deal with Stolas' problems and traumas? What if his patience ran out once he felt like he payed his debt for keeping him alive?

"You alright big bird? What are you thinking about?" Blitz's voice whispered from under Stolas' chin.

"Ah, hm, nothing important." He assured him. Now wasn't the time to bother the imp with his feelings, especially if he didn't return them. They both had enough on their plate, Stolas couldn't afford the risk of a rejection. Not now, he really couldn't.

"Okay", the imp easily replied, and Stolas relaxed, so sure that Blitz was going to insist.

More minutes passed, enough for both of them to relax again, until Blitz lowered his purring again, slightly leaning back to be able to look up at his bird with a decided face.

"Do you think you're ready to talk now? It can only be for five minutes, and if you're not up for it I'm sure there's plenty of therapists out there, but you need to process all the shit Stolas. I can try to help, but it's fine if you'd rather ask someone you don't know, okay? Just… Tell me whatever you're most comfortable with."

Stolas frowned, but didn't feel himself tense or panic as much as he feared he would, despite the close contact. The purring probably helped, but it wasn't just that. Loona's voice echoed in his mind, reminding him about the importance of externalizing what he experienced, and suddenly the idea of talking about it didn't seem quite as unbearable as it once was.

"Okay, I guess I can give it a try", Stolas decided with a shy smile.

02/01/2025

Welp, first chapter of the year, I hope you enjoyed despite it being written last minute again!

See you in two weeks!