The Avengers briefing room at Stark Tower was buzzing with activity. The team had gathered around a large holographic table where a three-dimensional map of a Hydra facility flickered in midair. Peter Parker, a.k.a. Spider-Man, stood nervously at the front, a stack of hastily written notes in hand.

He wasn't used to leading missions, but this one was different. Tony Stark had insisted Peter take the reins since his expertise was crucial to the operation. And, much to Peter's dismay, Wade Wilson—Deadpool—had also been invited.

The rest of the Avengers sat or leaned casually around the table: Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, Sam Wilson, and Steve Rogers. Wade, however, had dragged in a beanbag chair from somewhere and was lounging on it, upside down, with his legs dangling over the back and his mask slightly askew.

Peter cleared his throat. "Okay, so, the mission is pretty straightforward. Hydra has been smuggling experimental tech out of an abandoned SHIELD facility in upstate New York. Our job is to sneak in, retrieve the tech, and shut down their operations without causing a major scene."

"'Without causing a major scene,'" Wade mimicked, using air quotes with exaggerated flair. "So, like, no explosions, no gunfights, no gratuitous carnage? You're really cramping my style, Spider-Teen."

"It's Spider-Man," Peter corrected for the millionth time. "And, yes, no gratuitous carnage. This is a covert mission."

Natasha nodded approvingly. "Stealth is key. The less Hydra knows about us being there, the better."

"Exactly," Peter said, feeling slightly bolstered by her support. "The facility is heavily guarded, but I've studied their patrol patterns. If we move carefully, we can slip through without triggering any alarms."

"Boring," Wade interjected, flipping himself upright. "What's plan B? You know, the one where I blow stuff up, and everyone cheers?"

"There is no plan B," Peter said firmly, glaring at Wade. "And that's kind of the point. We'll be entering through an underground access tunnel here." He pointed to a glowing section of the hologram.

"Cool, cool," Wade said, nodding as if paying attention. "And what happens if someone trips an alarm? Hypothetically speaking."

Peter adjusted his mask nervously. "Well, that's what I wanted to talk about next. The facility's central server room controls all the automated defenses, including their alarm system. If someone were to, say, accidentally set off a sensor, we'd need to immediately override it from the server room before—"

"Before what?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Before the system locks the facility down, floods it with knockout gas, and activates a bunch of deadly laser turrets," Peter explained quickly.

Bruce let out a low whistle. "No pressure, huh?"

Peter waved his hands dismissively. "It's fine! As long as we're careful and stick to the plan, there's no way anything could go wrong. I mean, it's not like anybody would ever be that stupid to do something like, I don't know,push the big red button marked 'DO NOT TOUCH,'right?"

The room chuckled lightly at the absurdity of the thought.

In the darkened tunnels beneath the Hydra facility, Wade Wilson stood before a control panel illuminated by a sickly green glow. The setup looked like something out of a 1970s sci-fi movie, complete with levers, switches, and—most importantly—a large red button labeledDO NOT TOUCH.

Wade tilted his head, staring at the button like it was the last slice of pizza at a party.

"Oh, come on," he said to himself, cracking his knuckles. "Why even put a button there if you don't want someone to touch it? It's practically begging for it."

Behind him, the rest of the team was busy creeping through the tunnel, sticking to Peter's meticulously crafted plan. Spider-Man's voice crackled in Wade's earpiece.

"Everyone good? Remember, stay quiet. Hydra patrols are nearby."

"Copy that," Natasha replied softly.

"Loud and clear," Sam said.

"Yep," Wade muttered absentmindedly, his finger hovering over the forbidden button.

Peter's voice continued in Wade's ear. "Wade,especiallyyou. Don't do anything crazy."

"Define crazy," Wade said, his finger inching closer to the button.

"Don't touch anything, don't make noise, and definitely don't push any—"

Click.

The button depressed with a satisfying mechanical sound, followed by an ominous hum as the control panel lit up like a Christmas tree. Wade's eyes widened with delight.

"Oooh, shiny!"

A blaring alarm echoed through the tunnels. Red lights flashed, and the walls vibrated as hidden panels slid open, revealing mounted laser turrets that immediately began to whir and charge.

Peter froze mid-crawl as the alarm screamed through his earpiece. "What was that?!"

Natasha sighed. "Take a wild guess."

"Wade!" Peter shouted, scrambling to his feet and sprinting toward the source of the noise.

"I can explain!" Wade's voice crackled through the comms. "But first, does anyone know how to dodge lasers? Asking for a friend."

Peter rounded the corner to find Wade weaving through a crisscross of glowing red beams, giggling like a lunatic. One of his katanas was already out, deflecting stray shots that came too close.

"Wade!" Peter yelled, slinging a web at a nearby turret to disable it. "What did you do?!"

"I pressed a button." Wade ducked under a beam and vaulted over a second. "In my defense, it wasreallytempting."

"Why would you—never mind, I don't even want to know!" Peter groaned, shooting webs left and right to take out more turrets.

"Hey, I think we just skipped the boring parts and went straight to the fun stuff," Wade said cheerfully, somersaulting into cover behind a crate.

"This isn't fun!" Peter shot back, narrowly avoiding a turret blast.

The rest of the team arrived moments later, weapons drawn.

"What the hell happened?" Sam shouted, taking cover and deploying his wings as shields.

"Wade happened," Natasha said, already picking off turrets with deadly precision.

Bruce, who had been trying to stay calm, muttered, "You've got to be kidding me," before tearing off his shirt and letting the Hulk take over.

Steve Rogers, shield in hand, gave Peter a quick nod. "We'll handle the turrets. Get to the server room and shut this down!"

Peter didn't need to be told twice. He webbed his way up to an overhead vent and disappeared into the shadows, following the map he'd memorized earlier.

Peter burst into the server room, where banks of computers hummed ominously. He sprinted to the nearest console, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he worked to override the lockdown.

Back in the tunnels, the fight raged on. Hulk was tearing through turrets like they were made of cardboard, while Natasha and Sam provided covering fire. Wade, for his part, was gleefully taunting the Hydra defenses.

"Is that all you've got?" Wade shouted, slashing a turret in half. "I've seen scarier stuff in an IKEA parking lot!"

"Would you stop antagonizing the killer robots?!" Sam yelled, ducking behind a pillar.

Suddenly, the alarms stopped. The lights flickered back to normal, and the remaining turrets powered down. Peter's voice crackled through the comms.

"System override complete. You're clear."

The team regrouped, battered but victorious.

Steve gave Peter a pat on the shoulder. "Good work, kid."

"Thanks," Peter said, exhausted. He turned to Wade, who was juggling a severed turret arm like a baton. "Andyou—what were you thinking?"

Wade grinned beneath his mask. "I was thinking, 'What's the worst that could happen?' Turns out, this. Totally worth it, by the way."

Peter groaned, shaking his head. "I'm never teaming up with you again."

"Don't lie, Spidey," Wade said, throwing an arm around him. "You love me."

Peter didn't answer. He was too busy calculating how many apologies he'd have to send to Tony Stark.