Peter Parker loved libraries. They were quiet, filled with resources, and, most importantly, free. After swinging through Manhattan all morning and fighting off an unusually persistent group of Vulture's henchmen, he needed a place to relax, do some research, and breathe.

Sliding into a corner cubicle at the New York Public Library, Peter booted up the computer and prepared for an afternoon of much-needed study. The screen flickered to life, but his plans came to a screeching halt when he noticed a small black USB drive sticking out of the side of the terminal.

"Someone left their drive," Peter muttered.

Always the good Samaritan, Peter decided to return it to its owner. He popped open the file directory, hoping to find a document with a name or some sort of identifying information. The drive, labeled"Chimichanga Master Plan,"piqued his curiosity.

The first folder Peter clicked on was titled"Important Stuff."What he found inside made him tilt his head in confusion.

The folder contained dozens of pictures of him—Spider-Man—snapped at awkward angles. Some were blurry action shots mid-swing, others were candid photos of him sitting on rooftops, eating sandwiches, or scratching his head. A particularly unflattering close-up of his butt, taken as he climbed up a wall, made Peter cringe.

"What the—?" he whispered.

It got weirder. Another folder, titled"Chimichangas & Spidey Collabs,"contained nothing but handwritten recipes for different chimichanga variations. One included a suggestion to use web fluid as a "binding agent," and another was annotated with "Spidey, we need to workshop this!"

Peter scrolled further. There were memes—so many of them featured Spider-Man, while others were dedicated to unicorns, tacos, or cats wearing sunglasses.

His stomach sank. There was no need to search for a name anymore. Only one person could've compiled this bizarre digital shrine.

"Wade Wilson…"

Peter shoved the USB into his pocket, exited the library, and began swinging toward Wade's favorite haunts. He wasn't thrilled about having to deal with Deadpool, but he couldn't just leave the drive behind. Wade was unpredictable at the best of times, and the idea of him spiraling over losing something so personal wasn't worth the headache.

After an hour of searching, Peter found Wade sitting on a park bench in Central Park, feeding pigeons from a bag labeled"Organic Unicorn Feed."He was wearing his full Deadpool costume but had accessorized with a pair of neon-pink heart-shaped sunglasses.

"Wade," Peter said, landing lightly in front of him.

Wade looked up, delighted. "Spidey! You found me! Were you finally overwhelmed by your love for me?"

"No." Peter sighed and pulled the USB drive from his pocket. "Is this yours?"

Wade gasped theatrically, clutching his chest. "My baby! You saved her!" He snatched the drive from Peter's hand and cradled it like a newborn.

"Wade," Peter began, rubbing his temples. "Why are there hundreds of pictures of me on there?"

"Oh, those? Research!" Wade said brightly. "I'm working on a Spidey x Deadpool crossover comic. Working title:'Webs and Wades: A Love Story.'"

Peter blinked. "That…does not make me feel better."

"It's going to be a bestseller," Wade continued, undeterred. "There's action, drama, romance! Spoiler alert: We fight a gang of chimichanga pirates while riding unicorns into battle. It's likeThe Notebook,but with more explosions."

Peter stared at him, dumbfounded. "That's…not even remotely close to whatThe Notebookis about."

"Details." Wade waved a dismissive hand. "Anyway, you're welcome to join the creative process. I've already drafted some steamy dialogue. You say things like, 'Oh, Wade, you're so handsome and mysterious!' And I'm all, 'Thanks, Spidey, I know.'"

"No. Absolutely not."

Wade shrugged. "Fine, but you're still contractually obligated to help test the recipes."

"Recipes? For what?"

"Chimichangas!" Wade exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've been perfecting them, one flavor profile at a time. Did you even see the one with radioactive spider sauce? It's got bite."

Peter groaned. "Wade, you can't just experiment with things like that! What if someone eats it and gets sick?"

"That's the genius part! If it works, they get superpowers. If it doesn't, they only barf for, like, an hour tops."

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose. "I should've just left the drive at the library."

As Peter prepared to leave, Wade sprang to his feet. "Wait! You can't go yet. I need your help with something super important."

Peter gave him a wary look. "What now?"

Wade gestured to a picnic blanket spread out nearby, covered in items that ranged from a small stack of comic books to what appeared to be a homemade diorama featuring action figures of Spider-Man, Deadpool, and…a glitter-covered unicorn.

"We're staging a photoshoot!" Wade announced.

"Nope. Not happening." Peter turned to leave, but Wade grabbed his arm.

"Spidey, buddy, pal—think of the fans! Think of the art!"

Peter hesitated, torn between annoyance and the nagging sense of responsibility he always felt when Wade was involved. Reluctantly, he allowed himself to be dragged to the blanket.

For the next hour, Peter endured Wade's antics. He posed with the unicorn diorama, held up cue cards for Wade's dramatic reenactments of their hypothetical team-up comic, and even sampled a prototype chimichanga (which, to Peter's surprise, wasn't terrible).

As the sun began to set, Peter finally managed to extricate himself from Wade's grasp. "Alright, Wade. I've done my good deed for the day. Keep your USB drive safe, and please—please—don't use any of those pictures for anything weird."

Wade saluted him. "Scout's honor!"

Peter narrowed his eyes. "You were never a scout."

"Semantics," Wade replied cheerfully.

With a final exasperated sigh, Peter swung away, vowing to avoid libraries for the foreseeable future.

Two weeks later, Peter sat in his apartment, scrolling through his phone. A notification popped up:

DeadpoolOfficialtagged you in a post.

Dread pooling in his stomach, Peter clicked the notification. It was a promotional image for Wade's latest endeavor: a self-published cookbook titled"Deadpool's Chimichangas and Spidey Snacks: A Culinary Adventure."

The cover featured Deadpool holding a plate of chimichangas, standing next to an incredibly awkward-looking Spider-Man (clearly a still from their impromptu photoshoot). Beneath the title was the tagline:"The only cookbook endorsed by your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man!"

Peter groaned, burying his face in his hands.

He was never stepping foot in a library again.