Estimated Reading Time: 20 Minutes

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Boyz Chillin

[- Mikeboom

App

Samus: "Oh! Tina it's your turn. You're the last girl. I'm excited to hear your list."

F. Robin: "Tina seems like a wild card."

Bayonetta: "I'm eager to hear your response."

Tina: "Oh shit, yeah it's my turn."

Samus: "Who's your number one?"

Tina: "The hottest guy in my opinion is-

…

The app went quiet.

Ness: "WHAT HAPPENED!"

Popo: "NOOOO!"

Sonic: "The app! It closed out!"

Ness: "OPEN IT AGAIN!"

Sonic refreshed the app, however, all it did was buffer.

Toon: "C'mon, Mate, are you serious?!"

Popo: "It won't load. Haahaa! Load."

Lucas: *Snickers*

Sonic: "Hold on! I'll refresh it again."

Ness: *Lets out a frustrated sigh*

Sonic refreshed the app again, but all it said was error.

Toon: "Restart your phone."

The hedgehog listened and they all waited in frustration except for Lucas of course.

Ness: "This is TAKING forever."

Sonic: "Sorry, my phone starts up slow."

Ness studied his phone and looked at it with utter disgust.

Ness: "Arghh, it's because you have Maxim Tomato."

Sonic: "What's wrong with Maxim mato!"

Ness: "Everyone knows Smashsung is better."

Sonic: "Ah, you're one of those lame smashdroid users."

Ness: "It's better in every way possible. Tomato is used for basic unintelligent users like yourself."

Popo, Lucas, and Toon all looked at their Maxim Tomato phones and gave Ness the side eye.

Sonic: "Oh, I get it. It's because you're poor. Why didn't you just say so?"

Ness: *Scoffs* "It's not because of that! Smashsung is faster, has better customization, better display, and a better camera despite Maxim ALWAYS adding 'new' cameras for the next phone."

Sonic: "Are you kidding me? You know that's not true. Maxim mato is KNOWN for having a better camera. When my phone turns on, let's compare."

Popo: "Haaahaaaa! He wants them to compare."

Sonic and Ness: "Not like that!"

Popo: "Oh shit. What'd I do?"

Lucas: "Hahaha!"

Ness: "Smashdroid has a bigger battery."

Sonic: "Maxim phones have better battery usage."

Ness: "Smashdroid has an SD card for extra storage. Maxim doesn't."

Sonic: "Maxim has better apps. We got exclusives."

Ness: "Smashdroid has exclusives too, dumbass!"

Sonic: "They're not as good."

Ness: "Debatable."

Sonic: "You don't got brawl band, do you?"

Ness: "I don't need it. I could get a different program plus all the benefits of having a better phone."

Sonic: "Tch! [Better phone ok.] You do realize that Maxim has a better CPU, right?"

Ness: "Smashdroid has better RAM."

Toon: "What's RAM?"

Ness: "Random access memory."

Toon: "Wha?"

Sonic: "Maxim has a better GPU."

Ness: "Hahaha! It's the opposite actually."

Sonic: "That's not true."

Ness: "Yes it is!"

Sonic: "Tch! No it isn't."

Ness: "You know, it makes sense that you would have Maxim. You're fragile just like your phone."

Sonic: "Fragile?"

Ness: "One drop and boom! Your phone is wrecked just like your ego."

Sonic: "I've dropped this thing before."

Ness: "Yeah, that's why your phone screen is cracked."

Sonic: "Only a little."

Ness: "You know how many times I've dropped my phone?"

Sonic: "Never because you're a paranoid fuck."

Ness: "First of all, I prefer the term careful. Second, I've dropped this thing so many times and it still looks brand new~" *Smirks*

Toon: "Wow, you actually dropped your phone."

Ness: "Why are you guys surprised by this?"

Lucas: "Because it's you."

Ness: "Lucas, you know I'm not perfect."

Lucas: "I know it's just funny."

Sonic: "Wow, even your lover is calling you out."

Ness: "He's not my lover."

Sonic: "Mhm suuure."

Ness: "How much longer on your slow stupid ass phone?!"

Right when he said that, the phone started up.

Sonic: "You were saying."

Ness: "About time..."

Sonic quickly opened up the app and the error sign was shown again.

Popo: "Damn, guess we'll never know." *Takes a hit*

Ness: "Are you fucking kidding me!"

Sonic: "Damn."

Toon: "Was it cheap?"

Sonic: "Yeaaaah."

Ness: "He couldn't afford a good one because he spent too much on the inferior brand."

Sonic: "Hey, Ness, your insecurities are showing."

Ness: "You're the one that bought the stupid thing without thinking about quality."

Sonic: "You seem waaay too into this. What'd you got to hide?"

Ness: "Nothing!"

Toon: "You are the one that seemed the most interested. Especially on the last girl."

Popo: "OOOOH~ Does Ness have a crush on Tina?"

Ness: *Blushes* "I-I do not!"

Sonic: "I mean we heard pretty much every girl's type. Who cares about the last?"

Ness: "Aren't you guys curious?"

Popo: "I am but that's only because Tina and I are tight."

Sonic: "Same."

Ness: "You know Tina?"

Sonic: "Yeah, you could say that."

Ness: "Wha?"

Ness raised a brow and tilted his head in confusion.

Lucas: "You did seem the most interested."

Ness: "No, that was Toon. He was the one that kept shushing everyone."

Toon: "I dunno why I was. Tetra wasn't even there. Guess, I was hoping that a girl would find me attractive."

The group averted their eyes and scratched their heads.

Toon: "Oh c'mon! I'm not ugly!"

Sonic: "Y-yeah, you could say that."

Toon: "Mate! What's that supposed to mean?"

Ness: "You're fine, Toon. Don't listen to him. Sonic's a jerk."

Toon: "You also couldn't look me in the eye. You're still not looking at me!"

Ness: "I'm bad at direct eye contact! You know I'm awkward!"

Lucas: "S-same here."

Toon: "Popo?"

Popo: "Haaahaaa!" *Takes another hit*

Toon: "Fuck all of you!"

Sonic: "Anyway, let's enjoy this pizza shall we?"

Sonic took another slice and began munching.

Toon: "I hate all of you. I want you guys to know that."

Ness: "You know what I hate?"

Lucas: "What?"

Sonic: "Gettin' cock blocked."

Ness: "All because of your stupid phone and your stupid mike."

Sonic: "I like that you keep bringin' it up. You must really like this girl."

Ness: "Aren't we all upset?"

Lucas: "I'm not."

Sonic: "I'm over it."

Toon: "I know she's not going to say it's me, so I don't care either."

Popo: "I mean I guess a little. Then again, I could just ask her."

Ness: "Ask her?!"

Popo: "Yeah, she's chill."

Ness: "No, don't ask her. She'll know that we listened in."

Popo: "How?"

Ness: "It's the timing. It's too coincidental."

Popo: "Bro, she doesn't care."

Ness: "She's definitely going to piece two and two together."

Sonic: "No, she won't. Tina's the type of gal to not overthink things."

Ness: "How do you know?"

Sonic: "It's kind of obvious. I mean look at her."

Popo: "Dude, don't worry. I could just ask her and tell you afterwards."

Ness: "I-I… No, I don't want to hear it from you."

Popo: "Why not?"

Sonic: "He wants to hear it come from her lips."

Toon: "Makes sense. I mean bro does have a crush. It's probably more impactful to his pervy brain."

Ness: "I-I'm not pervy! Also I don't have a crush on her. I just… She was the last one, so it's a bit of a bummer that we couldn't hear all of them."

Sonic: ["Someone's in denial."]

Ness: "What. Was that?"

Sonic: "I said, someone's in denial."

Ness: *Growls* "You know what, I don't care."

Sonic: "You don't care?"

Ness: "Nope. It doesn't bother me one bit."

Popo: "Fair, I mean most of the girls found you attractive, so I'd say it's a win on your part."

Sonic: "Which is crazy because look at him."

Ness: "Hm~! Jealous because I got more attention~?" *Smirks*

Sonic: "You were mentioned more because you're a human. The fact that I was mentioned just as much proves the fact that if I were a human, they would all be swooning over me instead."

Toon: "Sonic was mentioned quite a bit."

Popo: "For a hedgehog that ain't bad."

Sonic: "There ain't no way I'm jealous. I could pull more than he could ever hope to and I'm a fucking hedgehog. What's your body count, virgin?"

Ness: ["Z-zero…"]

Sonic: "What was that? I couldn't hear you~?" *Grins*

Lucas: "He said zero."

Everyone except Ness: "HAHAHA!"

Ness: "I'm not the only one!"

Popo: "I'm pretty sure you're the only one. I know I fucked."

Sonic: "We all know I've done it. Many times. Too many to count."

Ness: "We get it, Sonic. You fuck. Who cares."

Sonic: "You do."

Ness: "No I don't."

Popo: "Hey, Toon, you've fucked before, right?"

Toon: "Well I mean… N-no."

Ness: "See! I'm not the only one."

Toon: "But I mean..."

Ness: "Huh?"

Sonic: "OH SHIT! WHAT!"

Toon: "Let's just say, I've done some stuff."

Popo: "YOOOO! TOON, LET'S GOOOO!"

Lucas: "Like what?"

Sonic: "Like oral?"

Toon: "I may have gone to a glory hole event."

Ness: "I'm sorry, a what!"

Popo: "Haaahaa! He got his dick sucked."

Sonic: "Was it good?"

Toon: "It was alright."

Lucas: "Just alright?"

Toon: "Yeah."

Sonic: "What if it was a guy?"

Toon: "I'd like to think it wasn't, but honestly I can't confirm that the person was a girl."

Popo: *Takes a hit and starts coughing* "Daaamn bro."

Toon: "I was drunk alright."

Sonic: "But you still remembered?"

Toon: "Yep. I remember it feelin' good, so I regret nothing."

Ness: "Wow, I… Wow."

Sonic: "Damn, Ness, looks like you're the only virgin. Hahaha!"

Toon: "Well technically I'm still a virgin too."

Popo: "Yeah, but at least you got somethin'. Ness, hasn't gotten anything."

Ness gave them all an annoyed look.

Ness: "Yeah, well, unlike you deviants, I'm saving myself for the right one."

Sonic: "Nah, you an incel."

Ness: "You're a whore."

Sonic: "I'd rather be a whore than an incel. That's just pathetic, man."

Ness: "What's pathetic is that you need to do this kind of shit to feel validated."

Sonic: "Nope, I do it for fun."

Ness: "Probably because you can never find true love."

Sonic: "This sounds like a Disney thing. I don't want a devoted partner."

Ness: "Because you know you have a shit personality meaning they'll leave eventually."

Toon: "Here they go again."

Lucas: "Isn't it entertaining?"

Popo: "Damn, Lucas, that's cruel."

Lucas: "Don't you agree?"

Popo: "Duh."

Sonic: "I have a charming personality unlike you. You're the one with the shit personality. You make people upset all the time."

Ness: "No, I don't!"

Toon: "Ya kinda do, Mate."

Ness: "I-I mean… I'm getting better."

Toon: "You are, and I appreciate that."

Lucas: "Yeah, you really have shown progress."

Popo: "Gotta love your character development."

Lucas: *Snickers* ["Character development is funny."]

Ness: "Wow, guys, I-I… Thank you."

Sonic: "Even I have to admit, that you're doin' better."

Ness: "Gee, Sonic, tha-

Sonic: "Still a little shit though."

Ness: "Fuck you."

Sonic: "I know you want me, but I'm not interested. Ask Lucas instead."

Ness: "You-

Popo: "Wait, hold on. Since we all agreed that Ness is the only virgin, this means that Lucas fucked! Wait, that's actually crazy!"

Sonic: "Holy shit! Wait, you're so right."

Ness: "Lucas? No, come on, guys. Don't be ridiculous."

Lucas: "N-no, of course not haha…" *Blushes*

Ness: "See!"

Sonic: "Someone's lyin'."

Toon: "Look, his face is all red."

Popo: "Nah, he definitely fucked."

Lucas: "N-no I haven't…" *Looks away*

Sonic: "Those are clear signs that he fucked."

Toon: "Who was the lucky gal?"

Popo: "Was it a spirit or someone from smash?"

Ness: "No, there's no way. Right, Lucas?"

Lucas: "Y-yeah."

Popo: "Nah, he hesitated."

Toon: "Lucas, you're a bad liar."

Popo: "Who was she?"

Lucas: (She…) "Uh…"

Ness: "Lucas?"

Lucas: "I-I'm not lying. Anyway, how about this pizza, huh? Pretty yummy."

Both Ness and Sonic stared at each other with a worried look. They both noticed how uncomfortable Lucas was.

Toon: "What. No, I wanna know who she-

Sonic: "Alright, well since we can't listen in on the girl's anymore and it's gettin' late, how about we get goin'."

Toon: "Wha? Already?"

Sonic: *Fakes a yawn* "Yep. This hedgehog needs his eight hours."

Ness: "Yeah, same here."

Sonic, Ness, and Lucas all got up and said their goodbyes. Toon Link decided to spend the night at Popo's. It was kind of their thing now. Every Thursday, Toon Link would just stay and Popo was more than happy to let him sleep on the couch.

When Ness got back to his room, he took a shower and brushed his teeth afterwards. Once he was done, he changed to his pajamas which was just a lounge shirt and a clean pair of boxers.

He plopped on his bed. He had a lot of things in his mind. The first thought was about Lucas. The blonde was acting strange and he knew why. He knew Lucas was dating Nate. However, he didn't take into account that they… Did things.

Oh no. If they had sex then that means… That means… Lucas knows what his naked body looks like. In fact, technically he felt him. Nooo…

He didn't just feel embarrassed, he felt violated. Lucas is his best friend and he saw… Hold on. Maybe they didn't. Lucas is too shy and Nate isn't pushy. Wait, no, but Nate is charming.

He was in a constant battle with himself whether they did it or not. He had to know, so he took out his phone and started texting Nate.

[- Nate

Discord

Ness: Hey weird question, but did you and Lucas ever get intimate? [Draft]

…

He bit his lip and hesitated.

Ness: (Come on just send it.)

He stared at the text for another three minutes and deleted the draft. He couldn't do it. He already knew the answer and he didn't want to accept it. Instead he forced himself to think about something else and that something was Tina.

He thought about Tina kissing him when they were hanging out at Inkling cove. He desperately wanted to know what her answer was going to be tonight.

He imagined her saying his name. Yeah, if only. All the girls were saying that he's a twink. Who's into twinks? Girls want manly men.

Well actually… Quite a bit of them said his name. Never would he think any girl would find him attractive. He didn't think he was all that. He never had confidence in his looks.

He remembered when he was fifteen; his awkward stage. He got a bad haircut and for some reason his hair refused to grow. He suffered with a bowl haircut for two years.

His weight wasn't the most desirable either. He was chubbier back then. He remembered his face being round with his chubby cheeks. However, present day his face is slimmer yet still soft.

It wasn't just his weight and lack of definition that made him undesirable back then. It was mainly because he didn't take care of himself. He had poor hygiene. All he did was play League.

He didn't care about winning tournaments. He knew he wasn't going to get kicked out of the roster because he's one of the original eight. Besides winning requires a lot of physical work and he was strong enough so it didn't matter.

He didn't take showers, brushed his teeth, ate well, did laundry, and exercised. He smelled awful and he had acne on his face and back. It was a terrible time.

It was when smash ultimate was introduced when he first saw Tina. She was incredibly attractive in his eyes. He would sometimes stalk her. He found out she was into skateboarding, so he too wanted to give it a try and turns out he genuinely liked it.

Ness wanted to know more about her, but he was too scared initiate a conversation. All he had to do was pull up to her on his skateboard and boom! They would've had something to talk about since he knew she skated. But noooo. He doubted himself. He's definitely not the most attractive guy and he smelled. There's no way she would be into him.

He remembered looking at himself in the mirror feeling ugly. That's when he knew he had to change. For her.

He changed his eating habits which made his hair grow faster. He went to get his hair styled, which was a fluffy comma haircut with a mixture of dream flow.

He started working out. With the combination of exercise and eating healthier he lost a lot of weight and his metabolism sped up. He now had a fit body. He even started taking tournaments seriously. He won two tournaments in a row so that she would notice him. She didn't, but if he kept winning then eventually she would was his thought process.

He got into facial care and found products that got rid of his acne. He even took care of his hands and nails. He trimmed his eyebrows and made sure to always have chapstick making his lips no longer chappy.

Ness worked hard to look better, but little did he know that he looked more than just better. He looked like a K-pop star; a masculine pretty boy and he didn't even realize.

He got up and went to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. He's never had the time to fully check himself out. Usually he didn't care about that, but quite a bit of those girls said he was the hottest guy in the roster, so he wanted to know what they were talking about.

He stared at himself and forced a smile. Wow, for once in his life he didn't hate his face. Two years ago he thought he was ugly and others would agree, but now, he saw how much he worked on himself. He looked great! Still… Not the most confident, but he's getting better at loving himself and seeing the dramatic change and actually paying attention to detail this time, helped.

He went back to his bed feeling good about himself. Man, what if Tina actually said his name? He went from thinking there's no possible way to maybe. Arrgh! She just had to be the last one and the only one that got cut off. How infuriating…