Honeymoon, and catching up afterwards.
AN: Warning, contains the 'Hogwarts married quarters trope'
"We're home, well for a week," said Harry.
Daphne checked a note in her robe pocket.
"Dauphin!" called Daphne, and with a pop, a house elf Harry assumed was Dauphin appeared, wearing a fussy blue suit with white piping, with a white tea-towel over one arm "If Master and Mistress would follow Dauphin, he can show them to their bedroom."
Harry wondered what sort of name Dauphin was; French, presumably.
Harry followed Dauphin in through a blue door, into a hall with a floor of white hexagonal tiles patterned with amazingly intricate geometric patterns, that swirled to the foot of a staircase that lazily rose through the building. The walls were mostly a creamy yellow, with dark wooden panelling on the bottom three feet.
Harry followed Dauphin's bare feet up the steps to the first floor, second floor, third floor, and in through double doors into a room dominated by a big bed, flanked by funny curved dresser units.
Daphne pulled out the suitcases and handed them to Dauphin, who held the pile, quivering with joy "Dauphin will just put Master and Mistresses things away," said Dauphin, and vanished.
"What do we do now?" asked Harry.
"Well, drink champagne and shag?" suggested Daphne.
The double doors closed.
"What's with this underwear," asked Harry, pulling at the white, rune-embroidered bloomers. A pink ribbon tied them off.
"Well that's the ribbon we were married with, silly." said Daphne "Traditionally we keep these pants for conceiving children in."
"Well get them off, we're far too young for that" said Harry, stripping off the stupid rune-covered pants he was wearing too.
"A lightning bolt?" asked Harry incredulously looking at Daphne's 'lap' "In Gryffindor red and gold?"
"It's your wedding too," said Daphne "The red will wash out."
Harry woke up a lot later, with a witch in his arms. His wife. Daphne made a mmm noise.
"I could do with a snack," said Daphne. "Some crudités."
And then she had to explain that no, she didn't mean _that_ but, yes it was appreciated, and she meant little bits of toast with stuff on them.
A week later, Harry packed the tiny prank suitcase with Daphne's bedroom clothes, and wearing the same clothes he'd gone on honeymoon with, walked out of his house with his wife, took the end of the school ruler portkey that would take them back to Hogwarts, and at the last instant remembered
"Daphne, we need cloaks. It's bound to be cold in Scotland."
Dauphin appeared when called.
"Are you going to be here later Dauphin?" asked Harry.
"Dauphin is going to Paris once Dauphin closes up the château, Master." said Dauphin "Dauphin wishes he could have done more laundry, but master and mistress wore so little…"
"That's enough Dauphin dear," said Daphne. "Some cloaks."
Dauphin popped off and got them cloaks, which they both fastened on, and held hands, and the ruler "School days," said Harry and off they went in a vomit-inducing spiral.
It was raining at Hogwarts when they landed on the gravel in front of the gates.
They walked on up to the front doors, and Professor McGonagall nodded politely.
"Mr & Mrs Potter" she said.
"Greengrass-Potter-Black," said Daphne. Professor McGonagall's eyebrows went up momentatrily, and she led them up to the third floor, down past abandoned classrooms, to a doorway Harry thought was rather close to Fluffy's old room.
The room behind the door was a sitting room like a miniature Gryffindor common room, only two couches, but with the left side of the room Green and silver, and the right Red and gold.
There were two doors. "The left door is your bathroom. The right your bedroom," said Professor McGonagall "You have the same curfew as other students, so be back in your parlour by ten thirty."
"Would that be points off Gryffindor or Slytherin?" asked Daphne.
"Why both of them," said Professor McGonagall. "You may not have guests overnight. That sort of thing was stamped out in the eighteenth century."
"Professor, if we gain points, who get them?" asked Daphne.
"As a couple, you gain and loose points for both your houses," said Professor McGonagall.
"Which would rather discourage cross-house marriages," said Daphne.
"I do not make the rules, Mis… Mrs Greengrass-Potter-Black, I merely enforce them," said Professor McGonagall.
When Professor McGonagall had left, Daphne locked the door and ran to the bathroom door, and opened it. She gave a gasp of horror. Harry looked in over her shoulder. There was single toilet, a shower over an enamel bath, and a hand-basin. "It's … positively spartan," said Daphne.
"Missing my big bathtub already." added Harry.
"There better not be two single beds," said Daphne, turning and pushing gently past Harry to the other door. She opened the door, and sighed "Double." she said.
Harry went over and followed Daphne into a small bedroom with two wardrobes, one double four-poster bed, and a pair of mullioned windows looking out over the grounds.
"It's a bit basic," said Daphne.
"We live in a seventeen bedroom château," said Harry "Of course it seems basic. Sirius's house is pokey compared to ours."
"Does it have a decent bathroom?" asked Daphne.
"Pretty much here but with nicer taps and tiles," conceded Harry.
"And no bidets," said Daphne.
"There's charms," said Harry.
"I like having a clean bottom," said Daphne. "Speaking of which… let's at least snog on the bed."
Harry sat on the bed "A bit naff" he admitted. Daphne sat next to him "I swear, Professor McGonagall doesn't want us to spend all day in bed."
"Well, we do have N.E.W.T.s to pass," said Harry.
"But a good nights sleep sets us up for a day of learning," said Daphne.
"Kreacher to change the mattress?" asked Harry.
Daphne nodded, and pulled the suitcases out of her dress pockets, tossing them on the bed.
She opened one with a tiny bit of pink ribbon on the handle and unfolded a microscopic green teddy.
"A whole suitcase of skimpy nightwear" said Harry. "Tracey really works a joke."
Daphne pursed her lips but didn't comment.
Harry opened the other suitcase, full of sex toys "What will we do with these?"
"Decorate the parlour with them?" asked Daphne. "Such a tasteful honeymoon gift from your dorm-mates and Ronald."
What about those" said Harry pointing into the suitcase of toys.
"Well… we'll need those, obviously," said Daphne, and Harry unloaded certain popular items into the bedside drawer. Harry felt that one day, he would be able to handle that sort of thing without blushing. Not today, not imaging him and Daphne using them.
Harry checked his watch "Dinner's not for another hour. Time to test the bed properly?"
Daphne leaned over and kissed him "Perhaps." Harry threw some boots out of the suitcase towards one wardrobe.
"The nine-inch heels… You want me to wear the nine-inch heels?" asked Daphne.
"I don't have to bend down to kiss you" said Harry innocently.
"I can barely walk in them!" protested Daphne.
"And did you ever go far in them?" asked Harry.
"That's not the point," said Daphne. "I want the leather straps for you then."
"They're silly," said Harry, blushing.
"Excuse me, I like them." said Daphne, winking.
They stated to kiss, and had progressed to snogging when there was a banging on a nearby door.
"HARRY!" yelled Hermione in the distance.
"DAPHNE!" yelled Tracey equally muted.
"Our friends are here," said Daphne, buttoning Harry's shirt.
Harry took his hands out of Daphne's dress, "Well, let's get presentable" he said, feeling frustrated.
Daphne checked her reflection, tidied her hair, straightened Harry's new glasses, and opened the bedroom door "Off we go," she said.
Harry walked out and opened the outer door, and there was a small crowd, Ron and Hermione on one side, Tracey, Lily, Sally and Pansy on the other.
"Come in," said Harry, and he turned in time to see Daphne hastily levitating small suitcases into wardrobes, and shutting the bedroom door.
"You've got your own mini common room," said Ron, on the Gryffindor side of the room with Hermione.
Harry eyed the couches, and levitated them both and turned them ninety degrees, so they were in both Gryffindor and Slytherin sides of the room and held out a hand to Daphne, who came over and snuggled against him on a couch. Everyone else acted like they were being forced to play musical chairs.
"How was France?" asked Hermione.
"Warm. The air smelt of rosemary and Daphne's perfume," said Harry. Daphne snuggled against Harry.
Tracey mimed vomiting. "They're actually worse."
"Hard to imagine," said Pansy.
"They're just back from honeymoon. This has to be peak vomit-inducing loviness," said Tracey.
Harry smiled.
Hermione shook her head "He's… all relaxed and happy. It's… unnerving."
"Unnatural," said Ron. "Slytherin sex magic, stands to reason."
The Slytherin girls all blushed, except for Daphne, who snuggled in more, and Hermione crossed her arms and glared at Ron.
"He has a poor sense of self-preservation," observed Sally-Anne.
"They like arguing," said Harry, feeling Hogwartsiness covering him.
"We do not," said Hermione.
"Yeah we don't," said Ron.
"I'm not talking to you," said Hermione firmly. Harry realised that it like that again.
"Is the way Weasley and Granger interact some complicated in-joke?" asked Pansy, frowning.
"No, they really do like arguing," said Harry.
"We don't," said Ron.
"And don't make fun of us," said Hermione. "Not that there's an us."
"Course there isn't," said Ron.
"Ron, you are a terrible liar," said Harry.
"We're taking a break because someone's being an arse," said Hermione.
"Like… Draco taking a break to explore the joys of Azkaban?" asked Harry.
"Harry, please don't bait Pansy," said Daphne calmly.
"I don't care what that arsehole does," said Pansy.
"He did dump Pansy in sixth year," said Daphne.
"Like Harry dumped my sister end of sixth year," said Ron.
"Did he really just say that?" asked Tracey, eyeing Ron.
"Foot in mouth disease," said Harry.
"He has the emotional range of a teaspoon," said Hermione firmly.
Harry frowned "Excuse me, when we left, a week ago, you two were on kissing terms, and one week later?"
"What exactly happened while we were on honeymoon?" asked Daphne.
Everyone except Harry and Daphne started talking at once.
Hogwarts, thought Harry, it's always mad, but, nobody's tying to kill me, well, apart from Daphne giving me a heart-attack.
Harry held up his hand for quiet. "I'm sorry," he said. "But this is clearly a Ron and Hermione problem –"
"Mate!" interrupted Ron. "She's being totally unreasonable!"
Harry looked over at Hermione, who had her teeth clenched.
"Probably Weasley's just finally realising that she really is that annoying," said Pansy.
"Pansy," said Daphne firmly. "No. You can't do that any more. We're not twelve. Just because Granger has terrible breathing and is determined to show just how clever she is at all times, doesn't mean you can be rude."
"Thank you, sort of," said Hermione. "I don't have terrible breathing. That's not even a thing."
"You gulp air loudly all the time. Learn to relax you throat," said Daphne.
"You'd think having Weasley she'd have to," said Pansy archly.
"Pansy, please?" asked Harry. "Can you not, it's bad enough that I've seen my best friends snogging."
"Harry!" said Hermione loudly. "Mate!" said Ron at the same time.
"I've had it," said Harry mildly. "Look, you two love to fight. That, I've known since I was eleven. And one of you is a girl, and the other a boy. Fine, but for god's sake! Just because you had to spend months on the run with me doesn't mean you are actually suited to be together.!"
"I've fancied Ron since I was thirteen!" said Hermione indignantly. "By that logic, what, am I suppose to fancy you!"
"Oh go on, do tell us," said Daphne drily.
Hermione pulled herself up and began with "You're… Harry. You're like… an onion of sarcasm. And you won't say how you're feeling, and you never complain. Life isn't Quidditch training, you can't just … walk off curse damage!"
"I like onions," said Daphne mildly. "And he is quite macho. And tall, and dark, and coincidentally, quite well-off."
"Wot she said," said Ron. "Bloody Greengrass has her claws in deep."
"You literally have no idea, Weasley," said Daphne, lip twitching. Harry shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
"Ron!" said Harry. "I didn't mean that you'd fancy me!"
"Of course you bloody didn't. You know I like girls." said Ron.
"Oh god is this what passes for male boding?" asked Pansy. "I've had better conversations while vomiting in the loos."
"Shut your face, Parkinson," said Ron.
"Well, I've been told" said Pansy.
"Ron!" said Harry "I'm bloody married. To a Girl! You know you're my best mate, but… god. I think I want to be sick, but I'm going to say this. Daphne, get ready to shield."
Daphne lifted her wand.
"Ron, I ... I think you and Lavender were better suited than you and Hermione – Hermione, please. I'm not picking on you, it's just… Ron's girlfriend needs to just ignore his shit."
"Oh, scatophilia, the Gryffindor's are a lot more adventurous than I thought" said Pansy, and Tracey hit her with a cushion.
"Can't UNSEE, Bitch!" Tracey said loudly, hitting her again.
"Wot?" asked Ron.
Hermione was looking a bit green.
Daphne spoke up over the sound of Tracey whacking Pansy with a cushion. "Gods Pansy. Could you just not. Poor Granger looks fit to vomit."
"I've got some anti-nausea potion in my pocket," offered Lily. "I was feeling a bit queasy this morning."
"Oh, Really?" asked Pansy "Are you preggers?"
"Thank you for asking Parkinson, but no I think it was my grandmother's chowder on the weekend." said Lily. "She mailed it, and I think the Ministry inspection damaged the preservation charms."
"You got… food mailed to you?" asked Ron.
"My grandmother makes really good conch chowder, and she knows there's no decent spicy food here" said Lily.
"Lilith was raised in Jamaica," said Pansy "She's always been a bit ethnic, we've been trying for years to get her to shape her ideas up."
"Does, she ever think before she opens her mouth?" Harry asked rhetorically.
"Well, we could barely understand her on the train in first year" said Daphne.
"What?" asked Harry. "Daphne?"
"Ah, their first fight" said Pansy.
"Parkinson, you are not in Azkaban because we thought that was excessive for being a mouthy bitch," said Hermione.
"Rarwr," said Pansy.
"Parkinson, be nice" said Harry. And he had the horrible feeling that like a sore tooth, Daphne's relationship to people who weren't rich was, well. A bit shit.
"Daphne didn't really stick up for me in dorms" said Sally-Anne. "until she got engaged to you, she did what Pansy said."
"Millie would shove people's head in the toilet" said Daphne.
"Well, but not yours," said Lily. "Just me and Perks. You'd stick up for Tracey though."
"Pansy and Millie were in change from day one" said Tracey bluntly. "Daphne's my best friend, but nobody ever accused her of being a muggle rights campaigner."
Harry felt like he was slightly out of his body. She'd been nice, well, apart from the blackmailing. And… shagging, and… stuff. He looked over at her. She was slumped on the couch.
"Daph?"
"Yes dear, I'm not capable of taking on the entire Slytherin common room. Or stopping Millicent from shoving my head in the loo. Pansy was the boss till the war ended."
"Of course now Daphne has her little love-nest," said Pansy.
"God she's so…. Toxic!" said Hermione.
"Oh I'm on my best behaviour" said Pansy. "Or you lot will use your connections at the Ministry to send me down to Azkaban."
-=0=-
Harry had a private chat with Hermione, because, well. There were clearly issues.
"Oh god Harry I'm so sorry," said Hermione. "You can't control her because well, Azkaban."
"Oh, she's not going to send me to Azkaban," said Harry confidently.
"Really, it certainly looks like she holds the whip hand."
Harry immediately looked out the window. There was no possible response to that Hermione could tolerate.
"Hermione, my first girlfriend, since I was fourteen isn't sending me to Azkaban. There was never really any risk of that," said Harry.
"Fourteen?"
"We met on the train, before I met Ron," said Harry. "And um, when I was living at the Leaky Cauldron, well, I spent all day, every day in Diagon Alley. We got talking, and um. Well, I mean, technically I suppose if she'd wanted to send me to jail, she could have done that by the time the train got to Hogwarts."
"Oh god Harry! No!" she exclaimed.
"I admit that it probably was stupid of us both, but… you remember feeling hormones for the first time? And um. We broke up end of fifth year. She um. She really hated it when I dated Ginny."
"Harry, you can tell me. It's quite safe. Is she… coercing you?" asked Hermione.
"Well, she's not fussed on everyone having a big fight on our sitting room, and I admit I do need to talk to her about muggleborn rights. She's never said anything bad about my mum."
Harry snorted "Bit a fan of my mum, thinks she might have been an actual genius." he added.
"Oh," said Hermione. "But that poor Sally-Anne girl. And… Lily."
"Well, yeah, I guess Pansy bullied a lot of people at Hogwarts, not just you," said Harry.
"Harry?" said Hermione, and she had to stop and think. "Oh. I see, I um, hadn't thought of it like that."
"So anyway, my wife's not a Gryffindor, and Pansy is a terrible person, but not actually a Death Eater, and loathes Malfoy." Harry smiled awkwardly "Have to admit she gets a lot of points for wanting the ferret to rot in Azkaban."
"Harry!" said Hermione. "I'm not convinced Azkaban is even humane."
"Way ahead of you. I'm sure it's not. You know, living with Sirius, Azkaban prisoner who didn't do it," said Harry. "Can't get rid of it right away. We need more political leverage. You know, family with political muscle, that sort of thing."
"So, her family?"
"Nah, they're posh but people ignore them." said Harry "Not this year, but after Hogwarts, all the DA, some people are related to people, people get jobs."
"That's… a long term plan" said Hermione.
"Always the tone of surprise," said Harry. "And I'm going to see, next year, if we can get some payback for explaining how Voldy did it. Kingsley's all right, but I was wondering about the Department of Mysteries. They might want it. I dunno, it was an idea."
"So… what part do I play?"
"Graduate from Hogwarts with great marks, join the Ministry, shoot up the career ladder to wherever you can get, be ready to make change." said Harry.
"I'll join DRCMC. The way House-elves are treated is still atrocious, even if they can sort of do what they want. People should not be able to torture them."
"I agree." said Harry "Your extra job is to find out how to sway public opinion about it this year."
"But surely people will do it because it's the right thing?"
"In my experience," said Harry tiredly "People are a bit selfish for that. Someone must have done something like this before."
"So, you support SPEW?"
"No, I want SPEW to not need to exist. Like Azkaban. There's some reason to use it, other than because it's horrid." said Harry "I'd guess nobody can do wandless magic there because of the Dementors."
"Who can't be trusted."
"Who cant' be trusted" agreed Harry. "If we locked them in the very bowels of Azkaban, and never let them out. Well… if nobody was on those floors, form experience, a Dementor a hundred feet above or below you is only slightly upsetting."
"hmm, at ten feet a floor that would be ten floors" said Hermione "You know, we might be able to get Kingsley to do that this year?"
"I suppose I'd have to help with a Patronus," joked Harry.
"If Daphne lets you off the leash," said Hermione.
Harry sighed.
"What? It's obvious to everyone." said Hermione. "Was she really your girlfriend?"
"Hypothetically speaking, I lost my virginity to Daphne Greengrass," said Harry.
Hermoine put a hand to her mouth. "HARRY! NO! You were underage!"
"Let's not dwell on that," said Harry.
"But you dated Ginny."
"And Daphne was utterly furious with me for, oh, about a year," admitted Harry "She told me to start caring about my own safety, or she was going to leave."
Hermione's eyes watered. "But, you had … Voldemort."
"She'd looked it all up, decided on a location. Aspen Colorado, apparently. It's got skiing in winter and horse-riding in summer." said Harry. "I um. Well. After the debacle at the Ministry with Sirius. I um… wrote a very angry letter."
Hermione shook her head. "God. I'd have hexed your balls" she said.
"Yeah, well." said Harry, not wanting to think about that. "So, the day we um… had a bad plan, I um, saw her on the map, wanted to say goodbye."
"Say goodbye?" asked Hermione.
"I." Harry choked. "I didn't think it would work. You know what my luck is like!"
Hermione huffed "You jammy, jammy git." she said. "That's why she was so cold to you."
"Well yeah," lied Harry.
"If a boy ever treated me like that, I'd never forgive him," said Hermione.
"That seems quite clear" said Harry "Um, Hermione, not wanting to harp on but… you have a bit of a temper. You either need a bloke who absolutely won't give an inch, or who um, rolls with it."
"Won't give an inch?" said Hermione indignantly "Do you know what he said!"
Harry held in a groan. He really didn't want to know.
"He said there was no way he was putting his tongue there." said Hermione. Harry felt ill; his imagination was free-wheeling. And he was far too embarrassed to compare notes.
"Um," said Harry, swallowing with difficulty. "I can't talk about your relationship." he said.
"And yours?"
"Won't," said Harr.y "Daphne and I um. It's. It's not, we've known each other a long time."
"Fourteen!" said Hermione judgementally.
"So um, the thing is," said Harry. "We've got um. Chemistry."
"Oh and I've never had any, that's so gracious of you," said Hermione bitterly, sniffling.
"Hermione. Um. Remember being fourteen? I kissed Daphne a few times and the next thing, well." said Harry. Which only lying about when.
"What?"
"When," Harry closed his eyes "When I kiss her. When she kisses me, it's… "
"It's magical and next thing there are dancing unicorns!" said Hermione sourly.
Harry opened his eyes. "Hermione, please. Look, it's not that, its… we fit. She's just the right height for kissing. Her lips are …"
"What? Perfect?"
"I've kissed three girls, ever, Hermione. I married Daphne." said Harry.
"Because she blackmailed you to get back together!"
"Sirius insisted we marry quickly after he saw us kissing," said Harry bluntly. "My blood catches fire, and I'm fairly sure hers does too."
"So you were drunk," said Hermione.
"Um. Got drunk on Honeymoon," said Harry. "Neither of us could look each other in the eye the next day."
"WHAT!" said Hermione. "NEITHER OF YOU?" Then she blushed.
Harry shrugged. "I suppose people might say it was unhealthy, but we have agreed not to um, drink a lot."
"How drunk?"
"Half a bottle of champagne each," Harry admitted. He grimaced "And I think about three more over the next six hours or so." And he blushed. He wasn't admitting where the bottles ended up. He was fairly sure the word was debauchery.
"I hate you," said Hermione without invective. "You just, fall into a perfect relationship!"
"Well, there's the bit where she didn't do anything about bullying in dorms," said Harry glumly.
"I always thought she was a racist cow," said Hermione.
"Actually I think she's um, pretty much an utter coward if people get loud," said Harry. He sighed, she wasn't perfect.
"But. Ginny was fierce!" said Hermione.
"And that's true, but kissing Ginny doesn't make me lose track of time," admitted Harry. "I liked it a lot. I. Think I loved her. But."
"Lose track of time?" asked Hermione. "Is that even healthy?"
"Dunno. But of you asked me to give her up, it would be like giving up. Um. Air," said Harry.
"You could live without her," said Hermione firmly.
"Wouldn't want to." said Harry bluntly. "You know how, after a Dementor, you said you thought you'd never feel Happy again?"
"Yes."
"That was breaking up with her," said Harry.
"You were really moody in sixth year," said Hermione. "Till Ginny."
Harry nodded. And wished he'd actually been shagging Daphne in fifth year; there'd be no way he'd have had time to get into any sort of trouble. Well, detentions, obviously.
"But you still broke up with Ginny," said Hermione. "Wasn't quite like air, was it?"
"I spent a year obsessing over Ginny on the Marauders Map, but if you want to say I was okay, then fine," said Harry, just for once admitting that maybe, once, he wasn't always fine.
"Harry. Um. How do I say this?" asked Hermione.
"You move your lips and jaw, and breathe out," said Harry sarcastically. "You've never had trouble before."
"Arse. Um. I think you… might be, a tiny bit obsessive about girlfriends," said Hermione.
Harry tilted his head sarcastically "Well, good thing I married one then," he said. "And you know, blackmail and all that."
-=0=-
"Do you hate me?" asked Daphne, quietly from the bed. She was wearing a proper nightgown, and her real trunk was at the foot of the bed with his.
Harry got changed into actual pyjamas – Hogwarts was a draughty old castle, and got into bed.
He snuggled over and put an arm over Daphne's middle, and exhaled.
"Daphne, you're not one of life's Gryffindors." he said "you um… any time people get loud you want to hide, don't you?"
"Mmmm?" said Daphne. "How do you know?"
"I hate it when people are yelling. I um. Not the best childhood." said Harry, euphemistically.
"Well, I won't yell, and you won't yell. We;; be okay."
"Um. Well, babies are kinda known for being loud" said Harry.
"Good thing I'm not pregnant then isn't it" she said.
"You are just a big fluffy bunny, you know that" said Harry softly.
"The bunny costume?" asked Daphne.
"Cuddles." said Harry.
"Okay." said Daphne, cuddling up. "I wish I was braver" she said. "I've never done anything brave."
"Oh, darling, you blackmailed the man who conquered. That's pretty brave. And all for a snog."
"Says my husband."
"Hmm" said Harry. "I um, talked to Hermione and she… ugh. I cannot talk about… relationship stuff with her."
'Oh go on. You totally could."
"She said she was sure you had the whip hand" said Harry.
Daphne snorted. "God, is she some sort of massive deviant?"
"So um, Ron supposedly said 'I'm not putting my tongue there'" said Harry.
Daphne giggled. She snuggled closer "How kinky was she talking?"
"Um. God I'd assume they did normal stuff" said Harry.
"So… you think it was butt stuff? Granger's that kinky?"
"God, I don't know. I don't want to know."
"Hmm. Pansy would come back to dorms and tell these long, rambling stories about what a wild witch she was. If I ever hear 'thingy' again, it's too soon.
"Thingy?"
"Till she'd half drunk, then she just says cock."
"Oh thank god for that; I was imagining Malfoy with some really weird stuff." said Harry.
Daphne chuckled and poked Harry in the stomach.
She laid her head on Harry's shoulder "She started coming back and just washing and washing."
"Oh" said Harry.
"I asked her if she needed Madam Pomfrey." said Daphne "She said she'd be fine, a bit of dittany. She was 'prepared' to do what she had to to get him to marry her."
"God. Now I even feel sorry for Parkinson. We leave Malfoy in Azkaban. Prison, whatever."
"mmm"
Harry lay holding his wife. She was wearing more nightgown than he was really used to.
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"We should talk to Granger. Together."
"Oh god no" said Harry. "It's horrific."
"We won't get graphic." said Daphne. "Just… we're good at talking about… things."
"Or not talking at all and just… doing stuff" said Harry. He sighed "She's buying that we've been shagging since fourteen. Years of experience."
"I wish. God. I'd have failed OWLS."
Harry chuckled "So would I"
"Left to just live off your trust fund in Aspen" said Daphne.
"Yeah." said Harry. Daphne made a little grrr noise.
"What?" asked Harry.
"I was wondering if we just ran now"
"Oh cheer up. You're the one suggesting we help her. Why?"
"She clearly doesn't have a useful female friend."
"Well there's Ginny."
"She's fucking his brother. She can't talk to his sister about it."
"Okay. We can do that tomorrow" said Harry. "Like an old married couple."
"As if" said Daphne.
She snuggled into Harry's side. "Harry?" she asked.
"What?"
"Well, I had an idea." said Daphne.
"Hmm?"
"If Granger and Weasley really can't work it out." she said.
"And?"
"Weasley is starting to look like, well, mister vanilla." said Daphne.
"Oh god, the image. But yes, whatever?"
"Well, I happen to know that a female sort-of friend is… she was happier with the vanilla stuff. Harry." said Daphne.
"Not Parkinson?"
"She's rude, but she could take the sort of shit Weasley says all day and tell him to fuck himself." said Daphne "And Weasley's a fucking war hero, his best friends are both basically muggleborns, and he's poor as dirt. And also, if you were wondering why, plays quidditch remarkably well, is tall, strong, and … much as I hate to say this,big hands. Apart from the politics… they're "
"They are not made for each other."
"No, they'd be atrocious dinner company" said Daphne. "But his current girlfriend is losing it because he won't put his tongue somewhere. I'm thinking dirty, because she comes across as possibly a pervert. And Weasley and her blushed at the implications."
"Pansy wanted Malfoy levels of wealth. Ron's… he's the sixth son of a not very well off family."
"But he's funny, and kind and not cruel." said Daphne. "Besides, Ron's going to fall upwards into stuff."
"He left us, during the war. He just couldn't take it any more, had an argument , and left."
"And?"
"We didn't speak, Hermione and I for days."
"Yes. You can both sulk for Britain."
"And he came back."
"There were complications… we moved really often, there was no way to contact us"
"That talking patronus thing."
"WE didn't know it."
"That was piss poor planning"
"Luckily, I had a very bad idea." said Harry.
"Luckily?"
"Yup. Got stuck with you."
"Smooth Potter. So smooth." she murmured.